* Posts by Ian Damage

36 posts • joined 12 Feb 2007

Masked thieves storm into Chicago colocation (again!)

Ian Damage

Using a 20 inch demolition saw...

and a sledgehammer or two, it would take you 5-10 minutes to make a hole big enough for a person to fit through, depending on the density of the concrete.

The white noise "hum" of all the servers would actually do a lot to dampen the sound of the centre being broken into, from the inside at least.

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BOFH: Budget cuts

Ian Damage

I understand the masterplan

The BOFH has not sold out. He has merely appeared to.

The more drones he gets across onto Fister (Call a spade a spade, that is what it does to your PC), the more zombiebots he has to dominate the net.

All your credit cards are belong to BOFH.

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Boffins uncover ginger gene in neanderthal DNA

Ian Damage

If ginger hair was a sign of inbreeding..

Then why is it lacking in all of the European royalties?

The royal bloodlines became so inbred, that almost all of them were subject to haemophilia, or "the disease of kings".

As for ginger jokes being thrown my way, I dont mind as long as they are fresh and new. Throw the old standard ones at me, and I throw a right hook back at you.

And for the record, I believe it was homo erectus that shared living space with neanderthal, not cro-magnon.

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Neanderthals had key speech gene, researchers say

Ian Damage

@CaptainDaft

Yes, but me and Pippi Longstockings? It'll never work.

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Igor-style human, animal parts assembly on horizon

Ian Damage
Joke

@ Alex

Does thaht mean you're half-assed?

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Led Zeppelin catalogue goes digital

Ian Damage

Agreed..

We could definately do with a gig down here in Oz. I'll still go along and make my own mp3's off my own cd's thanks, not paying again for something I already have.

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Zep promoter piles into eBay

Ian Damage

Easy Solution...

Australian sporting events have had a facility in place for years for dealing with scalpers who use ebay and other auctions/classifieds to make a profit.

Find out the seat number(s), and cancel the ticket. Finding out the seat number isnt that hard, as they would have to tell you so you know if its worth the price.

Warnings are given before, during, and after the tickets are released for sale that scalpers will be dealt with in this manner.

This still allows for the legitimate transfer of tickets between friends, or a quick sale to a stranger at cost price outside the gig in case of a no-show.

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BOFH: Building changes

Ian Damage

So true..

At a company I used to work for, I was asked (told) to relocate 50 machines from one floor, to the one above which had undergone renovations, at 4:30 on a Friday arvo. My manager said "no arguements, just do it."

Each time I opened my mouth, he repeated "dont argue, just do it."

What my manager didnt let me tell him, was there was an email i had sent him that very morning, stating that the electricians wouldnt be finished on that floor for another week, there was no power apart from lights, and the data cabling hadnt been terminated.

But myself and the lads did the relocation anyways. Monday was very interesting as we all lobbed up to work bearing some form of "injury" from Friday nights work, and hence unfit to move all those machines back to their original locations.

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Motorcycle News in shot M40 biker ad gaffe

Ian Damage

Girlie Bike?

Who you kidding?

Sure, the sportster is a lightweight bike, without all the roar and grumble of the rest.

But who keeps their Harley stock? Once the mods are done, you cant tell the diff, only the owner can, and thats by looking in his wallet.

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Australia declares war on net porn

Ian Damage

Public Health System

Maybe John Howard is trying to stop the flood of cases of "tennis elbow" inundating our public hospitals?

I'll get my coat.

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UK arrest gives AllofMP3 touts the fear

Ian Damage

How long...

Until allofmp3.com moves to Antigua?

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Need emergency contraception? Just text

Ian Damage

Morning after pill for men...

You take it the morning after and it changes your blood type.

I'll get my coat...

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George Lucas bitch slaps Spider-Man 3

Ian Damage

If Spiderman is "Silly"

What would bethe best way to describe Jar Jar Binks?

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Verizon pulls sponsorship from dirty dancing singer

Ian Damage

What did Jerry Lee Lewis do?

He bonked underage kiddies thats what he did.

Read some history before defending the bloody perv.

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Dell reinvents the cardboard box

Ian Damage

Ridiculous

They are willing to ship multiple servers in one box, yet when a corporate customer orders a bunch of systems, the power cords get sent out in individual boxes.

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YouTube under fire from footballers, Thailand

Ian Damage

If they want to protect their IP...

Then they should do a deal with every country, so they can provide a 24/7 dedicated TV channel to show the premier league.

If everyone has access to view ALL of the games on TV, then noone will bother uploading short, blurry, grainy clips to YouTube now, would they?

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US Trade Representative tests his verbal jujitsu out on the WTO

Ian Damage

Two can play at that game..

The USA accuses China of being one of the greatest infringers of copyrighted material on the face of the planet.

Now, the chinese can turn around and legimately say "I am sorry, but here in China, our communist ideals mean that everyone is equal, and everything is owned by the State on behalf of its people. As such, all works belong to everyone, and any copyright infringement that happens only means people are stealing from themselves, and thus hurting noone."

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'As I watch England turn into a quivering pile of dung'

Ian Damage

Couple of things

To crashIO : Glad to see you seem to be the exception to the (perceived) rule as displayed by Bill and his mate Chucky. Have a beer, you deserve it.

To Bill and Chucky : 1) Europe could well have beaten Hitler, might have taken another 5-10 years, but it would have happened. Just remember your political power comes from being a world vulture, circling overhead and taking the choice bits of meat when everyone is too tired from years of fighting to resist.

2) The world hates you becuase you are unwilling to take your head out of your collective arses. Trying to force peace onto the world by the point of a sword is not exactly a "christian" thing to do now is it?

3) Ignorance seems to get more press coverage and validity in your country than wisdom, intelligence and insight. The minute ANY reputable news network (not FOX) can out-rate Springer, I will stand corrected. I guess I'll be sitting.

My condolences to any US citizens out there who do not have red necks, who have more than 5 brain cells, and who did not vote for Bush.

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Need enhanced data security? Try a condom

Ian Damage

SSL=

Secure Sausage Layer?

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Google's AdWords set to face jury for the first time

Ian Damage

Whats the difference

between google and the yellow pages?

If someone opens the Yellow Pages to get the phone number for the American Blind & Wallpaper Factory, they are faced with a couple of pages of ABWF's competitors.

If they want to avoid that, they have to pay to take out a full page ad. Same deal here. If they want the search result to be exclusive, cough up the dosh.

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US nailguns itself towards extinction

Ian Damage

Not just the US...

Its a universal constant..."As soon as you make something idiot-proof, the universe develops a bigger idiot!"

I used to work for a hire company who hired out nail guns, compressors, chainsaws, grinders, etc etc.

The amount that came back damaged, or better still, hirers who came back damaged, was unbelievable. Every single time they claimed they werent shown how to use the tool correctly, and promised to sue.

Right up until we show them the part of the paperwork, which they signed, stating they had been shown the correct procedure on its use.

We had a motto. "Whoever took one of our tools out the gate, was a f*ckwit. Whoever came back with the tool and themselves in one piece, was a tradesman."

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Supreme Court rules on EPA's bad case of gas

Ian Damage

Idiots!

>> Finally, the EPA argued that a link between greenhouse gases and global warming "cannot be unequivocally established."

Have any of these wanksticks even looked up the definition of "greenhouse"?

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Dead dinos no help to emerging mammals

Ian Damage

Illogical

Sure, mammals existed before the big thump, but did they exist in the same numbers, in the same environments?

No, I dont think so.

The meteor impact had the effect of knocking the top off the food chain, leaving room for more adaptable creatures to fill in the gaps. Already being covered in hair, mammals succeeded where the majority of lizards failed once the "nuclear winter" effect kicked in. The sudden increase in global temp would have come about as a result of the dust in the atmosphere finally settlnig back to earth, allowing the suns rays to get back to warming us up.

If you apply this logic to the modern day, its like saying that Californias Zero Emission Policy has absolutely nothing to do with the increase use of bio-fuel, fuel-cell, and electric vehicles in that state.

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Elton John free to menace Tobago

Ian Damage

I used to be gay...

But now I'm just damn miserable.

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Conspiracy theorists: Feds, web hosts conspire against us

Ian Damage

The lizards are keeping me down!!!!

I happen to be the son of a carpenter. I also have long hair and a beard. The fact that my powers have not yet manifest themselves all point to a massive conspiracy by the Lizards to keep me from saving the Earth!!

Do you think David Icke has sent me a single cent in supoptr, let alone a single email backnig up my claims? No! This just goes to show he is in league with the Lizards, using smoke and mirror techniques to throw off those who are indeed searching for the truth!

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US to issue Star Wars stamps

Ian Damage

Finally!

Ever since I first saw Star Wars, Ive wanted to run my tongue all over Leia.

But I supopse the old saying is true...

Whats worse than a cardboard box?

Paper Tits!

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Oz vigilantes capture Toadzilla

Ian Damage

CO2 may be "humane"

for the pest, but for the sheer joy of the kill, nothing beats going a cane toad with a 1 wood.

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Laptop-lob 'paparazzi scum' sue Denise Richards

Ian Damage

Talented

She can't be that talented.

If Tommy Lee can still maintain his focus and pilot a boat, or drive a car while gettnig a hummer, she cant be that talented.

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UK gov to control the causes of crime

Ian Damage

Forget Judge Dredd...

Go for Judge Death..

"All crimes are committed by the living, therefore living should be made a crime"

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Feds fume over Microsoft anti-trust delay

Ian Damage

Micro$ofton's Answernig Service

"I'm sorry, we cannot comply with the law at the moment, because we are too busy stealing other peoples IP, creating dodgy, bug-ridden software, and destroying emails to stave off the next anti-trust suit."

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Hold your breath, save the planet

Ian Damage

Harpoon the fatso's

Given that fat bastards tend to huff and puff uncontrollably whenever they take more than 10 steps, I say we kill em all.

This will lead to less CO2 being generated by them, less cows will be required to feed their cheeseburger lust, which will result in less CO2 and methane being produced by animals, and an increase in woodlands as less farmland is required to feed the excessive appetites of the chunky chunksters.

While we are at it, lets kill the unwashed hippies who cause people to run outside and hyperventilate in order to clear their lungs of the foul stench of peace, love, mung beans, and lack of soap.

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James Cameron finds grave of Jesus & Son

Ian Damage

A few things

1) The usage of DNA is testing to see if the bodies found in the tombs are related to each other, husband, wife, child. DNA is not being used to determine identity.

2) Given the fact that it was not until the Council of Nicea in 390(?) AD, that it was decided by the powers-that-be within the church that

a - Jesus was the only son of Mary and Joseph, casting his 3 brothers and 2 sisters forever into obscurity

b - "Immaculate Conception" was unknown until 390 years AFTER the fact.

c - Mary became the "Virgin Eternal", signifying that Mary did not have any more children after Jesus (contrary to all evidence otherwise), and placing a barrier between Jesus and his own blood brother Judas, yes, THAT Judas.

3) The Bible (New Testament) was written over a period of approximately 500 years, thus relegating "eye-witness facts" to the realm of "hearsay". Read the various passages to do with the Ressurection. Why do none of them agree on exactly what happened, and who was there when it supposedly did?

Mumbo-Jumbo BS about "God working in mysterious ways" is just a lame cop-out.

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Darwin Mr Popular again in Kansas

Ian Damage

Religious Idiots?

Its not just the Theory of Evolution and Darwinism that the religious nutbags want to demolish, but also basic spelling and grammar.

Have a look for yourself on this very page. The ones with the worst spelling, punctuation and grammar skills, happen to also be the ones who are throwing their weight behind ID and Religion.

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Microsoft accuses IBM of an 'ulterior' standards agenda

Ian Damage

Pot, meet Kettle.

"This campaign to stop even the consideration of Open XML in ISO/IEC JTC1 is a blatant attempt to use the standards process to limit choice in the market place for ulterior commercial motives - without regard for the negative impact on consumer choice and technological innovation," Microsoft screamed.

BWHAHAHAHA!

After all the stifling of innovation, theft of IP, illegal business practices, and outright bullying of vendors, Microsoft (who's name came about when bill gates's first girlfriend saw him naked) should shut up before someone throw a half-brick back at that patricular glass house.

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If whales can communicate by telepathy, why can't humans?

Ian Damage

Use your brains

I think a lot of you folk missed some things.

1) Doc Juan never once stated that whales, nor humans, possessed any form of ESP. What he does do, is explain how AT THE MOMENT, is cannot be proven to exist. And like any good scientist, he does not immediately dismiss it due to lack of proof, rather, he admits to the vagueness of the subject and leaves it open.

He did let the team down by not addressing the "whales have esp" issue from the start tho.

2) It was the dozy mole Amy who claimed whales had ESP. I thought our education system in Australia was good enough to weed such thoughts out, but then again, North Shore 90210 wannabees have never been renowned for their intelligence. Aim your tirades at the dope who asked the question, not the one who answered.

To sum up...

http://www.despair.com/cluelessness.html

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Dell saves nation from bird flu

Ian Damage

B Arc

Was wondering how they were going to convince the B Arc to do a U turn and come back with the telephone sanitisers.

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