* Posts by Ian Emery

879 posts • joined 9 Aug 2007

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WIN a 6TB Western Digital Black hard drive with El Reg

Ian Emery
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So much for log rolling being an easy way to improve sales of my new book.

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Xiaomi aims to knock Apple off its branch with move into computers

Ian Emery
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Re: Xiaomi MIUI?

Recent MIUI updates have increased my Red Rice Antutu speeds by 50%, so it will be interesting to see what they can do with a larger format version.

Ré Drivers, dont just blame M$, blame the hardware makers as well, I bought an expensive HP office printer 6 months before Win7 came out and found that HP couldnt be bothered to write a proper driver for it; my choices were :-

1/ Sticking with XP (or Vista - HA HA!)

2/ Losing everything but basic printing options - no double sided printing, photo printing, multi-page printing; even the ethernet connection wouldnt work.

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Ian Emery
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I am very impressed with the build quality of my £94 Xiaomi phone, I wait with baited breath to see what they do next.

(Hong Me, aka Red Rice 3G)

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Ian Emery
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Dont forget replacing the pitifully slow SSD with something bigger and faster.

Still use mine for travelling

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BEELION-dollar lasso snaps, NASA mapper blind in one eye

Ian Emery
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Joke

I found the warranty card!!!

There is another problem though.

The card state the goods must be returned to the store in the original packaging for any refund to be made.

JOKE ALERT!!! (or is it??)

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Small wonder, little competition: Asus Chromebook Flip

Ian Emery
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I'll wait for..

a/ the price to drop down.

b/ someone to get Linux, xp or Win7 working on it

Then it can replace my ancient EEPC901 as a travel companion around China.

(8" laptop and 19" laptop bag, cos airlines dont weight them!!!)

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Microsoft backports data slurp to Windows 7 and 8 via patches

Ian Emery
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Black Helicopters

Am I safe

"Search" doesnt show up any of these updates on my PC; but is "Search" telling the truth??

The PC I am currently building is going to have Linux on it anyway; as soon as I am comfortable with it, this Win7 box gets Nuked and from then on, only gets used for games.

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All pixels go: World's biggest sky-gazing camera gets final sign-off

Ian Emery
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Joke

Yeah, but

Any rumours about Samsung fitting it to the Galaxy S8??

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The Honor's a defo gamechanger, but good luck buying one

Ian Emery
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Do you mean "Oppo" ?? A well established Chinese phone maker.

By accident, I am currently the owner of TWO Chinese smart phones, an Umi Zero and a Xiaomi Red Rice, both are very good phones for the money.

The £140 Umi is a sleek and sexy alloy job with a glorious screen that feels like it should cost a lot more. Lollipop is only a beta option, but it is so fast it doesnt matter.

The Xiaomi is a solidly made workhorse that cost me £94; as a "copy" of the Galaxy Note 4, it offers 80% of the performance for 20% of the price. It will get even closer to the Samsung when it finally gets Lollipop - a recent UI update to MIUI v6 increased its Antutu score by 50%.

Except, unlike the Samsung, it has dual SIM, a micro SD slot, and a removable battery.

Both are rooted out of the box, and both are being supported with numerous updates and custom ROM options.

I think anyone paying over £200 for a phone, on or off contract, is a mug.

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Another chance to win a 6TB Western Digital Black hard drive

Ian Emery
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Oh no! I have the NSA on my back!!!

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New low for humanity: ONE BEELLION lost souls log on to Facebook in one day

Ian Emery
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Really??

Or was it 12 people and a hell-of-a-lot-of bots??

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Google robo-car suffers brain freeze after seeing hipster cyclist

Ian Emery
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Joined up thinking

People who ride fixies on public roads are morons.

And so are probably Apple customers.

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Windows 10 now on 75 million devices, says Microsoft

Ian Emery
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Joke

I MIGHT try Win10

But I am holding off until I am certain my old Win3.1 programs will still work.

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The Raspberry Pi is succeeding in ways its makers almost imagined

Ian Emery
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Black Helicopters

My daughter was 16 months old when she figured out how to unlock mummys iPhone (shudder), and make calls.

WE found out when we found several international calls to Canada on the phone bill - the Canadian dialling code is apparently her favourite number combination.

Since then she has discovered how to delete all the bookmarks and history in FireFox using a keyboard short-cut (I now back then up weekly).

She is 2 1/2 now; I expect she will have hacked NORAD and be playing "Global Thermonuclear War" on the WHOMPER by the time she is 3.

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Sysadmin ignores 25 THOUSAND patches, among other sins

Ian Emery
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Actually, some do try to wipe your drive; back in 2009 the PC I was using for Uni/College work picked up something that deleted 50% of my media files and tried to use my HDD as a store for extreme porn.

My tutors didnt really believe me, until THEIR system went down with the same infection a week later - the way their system was set up meant they couldn't even use a photocopier for the next 2 months.

(NOT a BOFH, but lumbered with looking after a nursery schools PCs for the last 20 years for no extra pay).

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Get whimsical and win a Western Digital Black 6TB hard drive

Ian Emery
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I luvs lolcats, but where are the naughty teen-rilla pics?

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China shutters 50 websites for spreading explosion 'rumours'

Ian Emery
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Re: Anybody know what the rumors were?

According to my Chinese wife the rumours erased include -

Thousands of people missing (you can see at least 3 completely destroyed apartment blocks in drone footage, one of which I calculate was home to 800 people)

Firemen not told that water would react with the toxic chemicals ("tweet" and "retweet" from fireman deleted over 50,000 times).

Photos and stories of ALL the local hospitals being filled with dead bodies.

It is for times like this that the Chinese government pay somewhere north of one million employees to monitor and clean up internet forums.

I have had a similar post to this vanish from a non Chinese forum, so government hackers may also be out targeting bad news hosted elsewhere.

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Sengled lightbulb speakers: The best worst stereo on Earth

Ian Emery
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IoT

For some reason no one ever bought my bath/CRT TV combo.

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Assessing the power of Intel’s SSD 750 … but check your motherboard before buying

Ian Emery
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Linux??

Isnt he one of Charlie Browns friends??

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VIAGRA found in Chinese 'Kung Fu rice wine'

Ian Emery
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Re: Taking the "piss" perhaps?

If they made that wine with CHINESE drinking water, it was probably not fit for human consumption !!!

(It is so bad, I even run the bottled water through a military grade filter before daring to drink)

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It's enough to get your back up: Eight dual-bay SOHO NAS boxes

Ian Emery
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I have just picked up a Lenovo IX2 DL for under £60 from Amazon, that will do for me.

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Sun? In Blighty? Nah, just build that rooftop data centre, it’ll be fine

Ian Emery
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Facepalm

Not really SysAdmin but....

A few weeks ago I got a call from an elderly friend complaining she could send or receive emails on her iPad; after going through a few hoops over the phone, I realised that her router was switched off.

"Go check it is plugged in and switch it on" I suggested

"Oh no, I cant do that" was the reply, "I'll have to get a man in".

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The Q7: Audi’s big SUV goes from tosspot to tip-top

Ian Emery
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SUV drivers should pay double (or triple) parking fees due to the excess space they take up. I saw a tit blocking two spaces yesterday (parked exactly down the middle of the white line), in a carpark that was already full to bursting.

Had another one today, taking the disabled space closest to the shop, no badge and jumped out athletically.(no passengers).

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$100m fine? How about, er, $16k? AT&T teabags FCC with its giant balls

Ian Emery
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Trollface

MEH

The article suggests that most of the affected are iPhone users; so who cares

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The Breakfast (Table) of Champions: Micro Machines

Ian Emery
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Coat

The golden age of games ended not long after.

The only reason I am not still playing this is because my son nicked the console when his mum and I split up - and of course the CSA left me penniless, so I could never afford to replace it!!

Thats my tan coloured jacket, bought in the late 80's THAT I STILL OWN!!!

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US State of Georgia sues 'terrorist' for publishing its own laws ... on the internet

Ian Emery
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Black Helicopters

Lets hope he isnt black

We wouldnt want anything bad to happen to him "accidentally"; especially while in US Police custody.

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A dual-SIM smartphone in your hand beats two in the bush

Ian Emery
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Useful for travellers, both for business and pleasure

I've used a dual SIM phone for years, I can keep my home SIM in there for calls, and a local SIM for cheap calls/internet access.

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Much more Moore's Law, as boffins assemble atom-level transistor

Ian Emery
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Joke

Sueball

That central molecule appears to have rounded corners, Apples lawyers will be in contact soon.

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Your poster guide: A fascinating glimpse into North Korea's 'internet'

Ian Emery
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Paris Hilton

No Kardashian

It almost makes it worth giving up the porn and moving there.

Well, we will always have Paris.

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Did speeding American manhole cover beat Sputnik into space? Top boffin speaks to El Reg

Ian Emery
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Joke

Re: If manhole covers look a bit like dustbin lids...

Ooops, someone dropped a Clanger

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Horrifying MOCK BACON ABOMINATION grown in BUBBLING VATS as ALGAE

Ian Emery
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Alien

In the spirit of Lurkey

May I be the first to christen this product Lurcon.

How fast can we get it shipped up to the ISS, so it can become a real space food??

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Ian Emery
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Upvoting this, but really surprised the veggies and animal huggers havent given it a historical level of downvotes.

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Microsoft nixes A-V updates for XP, exposes 180 MEEELLION luddites

Ian Emery
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Windows

Re: Does the XP Point of Sale improvement still apply?

Yes it does, the windows update installed this afternoon, including the malicious tools removal whatever it is called.

Obviously I blocked the IE8 crud.

MWB updates still works, as do AVAST, Spybot S&D, and LOADS of other stuff.

Me, spending the money I have saved on White Lightening!!!

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Mathematician: SUNSPOT DROUGHT will mean mini ICE AGE from 2030

Ian Emery
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Holmes

Welcome back to the 1970's

I have been saying for a while that it was time to stop pushing global warming and start touting the Ice Age again, and here we are!!!

(See previous posts in Global Warming threads over the last few years).

Hows that Watson??!!

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Pan Am Games: Link to our website without permission and we'll sue

Ian Emery
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Facepalm

Ré email failed

Could that be because you TYPED the letter, instead of writing it??

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From doodles to designs – sketch it out with a stylish stylus

Ian Emery
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Trollface

Toronto2015

Could you use one of these pens to write a letter asking permission to link to the aboves Pan Am Games website???

(They require a WRITTEN letter, and my PC currently only does TYPING).

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Canadian dirtbag jailed for SWAT'ing, doxing women gamers

Ian Emery
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Trollface

"severely limited social skills and a significant educational deficit."

added to "severe narcissism, has emerging psychopathic traits, and is oversensitive"

Career prospects ...

1/ Pop Diva

2/ Politician

3/ A cop in mostly black townships across America

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Geeksphone closes up shop as founders turn their eyes to wearables

Ian Emery
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Trollface

The company developed six smartphones in total

Was that total production, or total sales??

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China wants to build a 200km-long undersea tunnel to America

Ian Emery
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Anyhow

Dr Sheldon Cooper has already pre-booked a ticket.

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Ian Emery
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The Chinese and Russians are going to build it??

What could possibly go wrong.

See that coat with three sleeves?? Made in China.

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Hacked Hacking Team team – like everyone in security – read The Register

Ian Emery
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Re: here's your thread

I'm just READING the thread, yet I am sure I can hear the black heli............................

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Chinese takeaway, hold the Google: Xiaomi Mi4 LTE Android

Ian Emery
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PS.

Why are the forums currently being hosted in Costa Rica ??

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Ian Emery
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Unhappy

Re: Another caution

Different brand, but same issues.

I bought an Umi Zero just before returning to the UK last Christmas, a great phone, but sadly the GPS system wasnt working, so I returned it for an exchange or repair.

They have JUST told me the replacement will be shipped some time in the next two weeks - so I expect it will arrive in time for THIS Christmas.

Thats my face, stuck with a stupid, borrowed SIII that keeps insisting my 80MBps fibre connection is "too slow".

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Reg hack survives world's longest commercial flight

Ian Emery
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Re: BA, Bangalore to Boston with a 90 minute layover at T5

I was supposed to be flying 2 shorter hops on KLM, but missed the connection due to snow at BHX.

These days for SE Asia, I use Emirates, as Dubai is almost exactly half way and you get plenty of exercise on the transfer.

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Ian Emery
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Megaphone

Re: Jets - pah, that's for softies

You think you are sooo hard; try a flight in a Herci-bird from Brize Norton to Belize - via Iceland, Newfoundland, Washington, and Florida. THREE FRIGGING DAYS!!!!

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Ian Emery
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Terminator

Re: BA, Bangalore to Boston with a 90 minute layover at T5

I disagree, I have broken up several 16 hour flights with a 1-2 hour stop over and it makes it a lot more manageable.

I started doing this after my one and only (10 minutes short of) 16 hour flight.

The first 8 hours were OK; 9 &10 dragged a bit, but by 12 I was getting very restless and by 15 I was ready to open the damn doors and jump!!

Every hour after the 12th hour seemed to last at least 4 hours.

I was flying Air France, so of course, when I got off of the plane my luggage was missing.

ICON?? Thats how I felt when I landed (at 3:30am local time).

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Let me PLUG that up there, love. It’s perfectly standaAAARGH!

Ian Emery
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Coat

Back to the story

You know to me, it sounds as if you are a tiny bit pissed off that YOU didnt have the balls to wear the pink tie, do the bullshitting and get all the money!!.

(Waits for the highest down vote total in El Reg history).

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David Beckham fakes bewilderment to flog mobiles to Yanks. Fakes?

Ian Emery
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I still have that 5 page pull-out of Beckham jokes somewhere, I favourite is the joke about the shopping trolleys.

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Oil & gas? Pah. We’ve got a MASSIVE 3D printer, beams Dubai

Ian Emery
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Re: Dubai centre of excellence....?

In my experience it's all euro/us/china design and indian construction and Russian Hookers.

there, fixed that for you.

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Ian Emery
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Alien

WinSun apparently keeps its tech tightly under wraps.

That will be a box containing 2,000 coolies armed with tubes of araldite then.

Either that or the box contains nothing we can understand and eventually it will print nothing but a nose.

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