* Posts by Ian Emery

1122 posts • joined 9 Aug 2007

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Norks' parade rocket fails to fly, again

Ian Emery
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Joke

N.K. Announces new stealth technology.

Tells the world the launches were entirely successful, but the stealth technology used meant no one else could detect the launch.

Joke (for now)

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Earth's core is younger than its crust surface

Ian Emery
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Unhappy

My brain hurts, can we have an article about kittens please.

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As US court bans smart meter blueprints from public, sysadmin tells of fight for security info

Ian Emery
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Doomed, DOOMED !! I TELL YOU!!

Once the inevitable happens, and the meters are cracked; it wont be safe to go on holiday OR go to work; crims will be able to remotely scan whole areas and pick out the houses where no one is making a morning cup of coffee, or using the shower......

Never mind the issues with the crappy billing departments at the utility companies cutting you off due to an admin error.

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Microsoft won't back down from Windows 10 nagware 'trick'

Ian Emery
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Re: "You should probably double bag it when browsing with windows."

I prefer the letter in the "Playboy Advisor" section of the mag many years ago.

Question 1/ I dont want to get a girl pregnant, what should I do?

Question 2/ I suffer from premature ejaculation, what should I do??

Question 3/ My penis is rather small, what should I do?

And the Advisor replied....

Answer 1/ Wear a condom.

Answer 2/ Wear another condom.

Answer 3/ Wear ANOTHER condom.

Classic.

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Microsoft's Windows Phone folly costs it another billion dollars

Ian Emery
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FAIL

A lot of hot air in this thread

M$ are suffering from Karma, it was bound to happen; they have fucked us over so many times, eventually it was going to bite them on the arse.

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Shakes on a plane: How dangerous is turbulence?

Ian Emery
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Its "The Twist" that scared me

Flying in and (4 hours later) out of Beijing, the 777 was twisting in the wind sheer; looking along the cabin from near the back, you could see the whole body pivoting +/- 15 degrees around the upper edge of the main frame, with the overhead compartments seeming to stay still and emphasis the twist.

Not sure if this was entirely a weather issue, as the previous flight in and out on a 747 was as smooth as silk

Our China Southern 777 also had dodgy brakes; on landing it would veer violently to the right every time the brakes were applied; even the stewardess liked scared (she was sat facing me); I was on board for three legs, Nanning - Guangzhou, Guangzhou - Beijing, Beijing - Shipol, and she had a death grip on her harness every time.

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Ian Emery
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Re: "means the wing tips are flexed up to 90 degrees during testing"

Wings can bend down as well as up; 45 + 45 = ??

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India launches hypersonic space shuttle precursor

Ian Emery
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The government might be stopping, but charities will continue to send money there. I spent the weekend raising money to rescue blind children abandoned on the streets - the Indian government doesnt care if they starve to death (or get eaten).

(Joythi Seva Society)

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Three UK: Our MMS prices are up. Get around us with WhatsApp or Skype

Ian Emery
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Re: Can I disable MMS?

Actually, video calls - al la Skype, are becoming more popular with such apps as WeChat, and better, faster mobile coverage/data allowances.

Plus the fact that, as data, it doesnt matter if the friend you are WeChatting to is in the next town, or on the next continent, you doesnt pay any extra, as long as you doesnt use up your monthly allowance.

Arthur C Clarke suggested international call charges should be scrapped MANY years ago; and indeed, many companies now ship your call as a free VOIP to save themselves money, even while charging you.

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A UK digital driving licence: What could possibly go wrong?

Ian Emery
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Re: It Bodes

Only valid unless you move house, then you have to return it and they will charge you for a crappy plastic one.

That is how the prised my Green paper one out of my hands; they promised the plastic version was not compulsory - THEY LIED!!

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Ian Emery
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Hear this a LOT

I know of a number of HGV drivers who lost their HGV entitlement this way, and were forced to retake their tests; even keeping a scan of your old licence isnt enough to get DVLA to admit fault and restore your licence.

Perhaps getting a notarised copy made??

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World goes SIM-free, leaving Sony and HTC trailing behind

Ian Emery
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Re: You've got it backwards

Actually, more like a quarter of the price.

That new Xiaomi mentioned a few posts up, I am not 100% certain, but at least one of the new Xiaomi phones can run TWO 4G SIM cards, on different networks AT THE SAME TIME!!

Now I am hungering after that; I can keep GiffGaff for cheap/free calls to friends and family, AND use Three for internet usage (O2 network is shite for this).

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Ian Emery
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Boffin

Re: Xiaomi are banking on issuing frequent, monthly or fortnightly updates"

An unresolved bug with the FM radio, not sure when it occurred as I have never actually used it, and an update in January broke the MiPC suite for a couple of months for some MIUI phones; although it seems the issue was more with the MiPC suite as instead of bug fixing the phone OS, they brought out an update for the MiPC suite.

I have been running the BETA update program since buying the phone over a year ago, and those are the only two bugs I have spotted.

No lock-ups and the only other issue is Googles fault - removing the GPS sensor On/Off switch ; sometimes my satnav software fails to turn it on (but doesnt warn me), and there is no easy way to force it to activate any longer - but that is true of all current Android phones. (My phone switches off sensors it isnt using to save power - I get an average 4 days out of a battery charge, sometimes 6 days.

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Ian Emery
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Re: Couldn't buy an iPhone SE the other day

I may seem like I am paid by Xiaomi but.....

You can download and use any number of different ROMs for the Xiaomi handsets, various versions of their own MIUI, CyanogenMod, custom versions written by fans, and even overlays of other operating systems IOS overlay anyone??).

Changing ROM can be as simple as downloading it onto a PC, selecting it from the MiPC Suite and plugging your phone in.

MIUI is now being used by a number of other phone makers, and even some of the "Big Name" makers have phones that are compatible with the MIUI ROMs.

The only bad news is that the Mi forums, where you get all of the above, are often horribly slow and laggy.

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Ian Emery
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Re: Any advice?

I have a 5.5" Xiaomi HongMi Note and fat fingers, has he tried using it in landscape mode? Also, some of the text input systems are much better than the standard issue version.

Buy Xiaomi, 80% of the power and spec of the latest Samsungs for 20% of the price, I paid £84 for mine and the latest v3 can now be had for similar money.

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Ian Emery
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Angel

Re: Xiaomi are banking on issuing frequent, monthly or fortnightly updates"

Go for the Beta tester option and its weekly, go for developer option and it is nightly updates.

BTW. A Xiaomi Beta is more stable than a M$ SP1.

HongMi owner and proud of it.

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Hack probing poodle sacrifice cuffed for public crap

Ian Emery
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Re: I think I see what you did there.

Yeah, some really crap puns that should be shot on shite... err sight.

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Smartmobes in spaaace: NASA deploys Android nanosats

Ian Emery
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Windows

Is this for real??

Looking at the headline photo, my first thought was "THE BORG!!!"

(Not had my morning litre of coffee yet)

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Politician claims porn tabs a malware experiment, then finds God

Ian Emery
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Coat

So hispage hits are up 25%

I wonder how high the " "IVONE SEXY AMATEUR." page hits have gone.

Mines the dirty mac with the suspicious stains at the front

(eeeew!!)

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Chaps make working 6502 CPU by hand. Because why not?

Ian Emery
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Windows

[Runs to get 6502 machine code book from shelf and start compiling programs]

yes, I do still own the book

yes, I am that old.

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Inside Electric Mountain: Britain's biggest rechargeable battery

Ian Emery
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Re: the UK doesn’t value engineering.

Some obscure "Media Studies" type courses at lower levels are worth 5 times as many credits as more difficult engineering courses - no wonder no one does engineering.

At NVQ level, it is even more ridiculous; you can do a NVQ3 in Childcare over a week (if you could get the mentor teacher to turn up), yet the same in many engineering courses take 1-2 years.

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Ooh missus, get a grip on my notifications

Ian Emery
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Gimp

Re: You think english is full of opportunities?

You havent tried Mandarin then.

My wifes name means "Red Swan", or possibly "Flying Fruit".

Actually, there are dozens of possible meanings, but I like to tease her with the "Flying Fruit" one.

Thats not a gimp mask, just me having acupuncture.

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Russia faces Ukraine and Georgia in Eurovision deathmatch

Ian Emery
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Black Helicopters

NOT HEARD ANY OF THE SONGS

But is doesnt matter, for the first time in my life I am going to vote, and vote Ukraine - just to piss the Russians off.

I would hope everyone else in Europe would do the same.

Putin and his Polonium armed cronies dont scare m.......

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French duck-crushing device sells for €40k

Ian Emery
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Boffin

Rumour mill........

Its been bought by an unnamed rail franchise; as a way of getting more customers into their trains without the expense of new carriages.

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Microsoft half-bricks Asus Windows 7 PCs with UEFI boot glitch

Ian Emery
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Pint

Re: The next step?

"a trickle" ??

I think you are being over-generous.

"a veritable uTorrent" - there, fixed that for you.

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Official: Microsoft's 'Get Windows 10' nagware to vanish from PCs in July

Ian Emery
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Devil

Re: To be replace with...

Surely it will be replaced with "Get Windows 11 now" nagware.

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'Apple ate my music!' Streaming jukebox wipes 122GB – including muso's original tracks

Ian Emery
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Windows

CDs, how modern.

Oh how my friends laugh at me for still buying BVDs

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Chrome edges out IE for desktop browser crown

Ian Emery
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Terminator

Complete coincidence

That dozens of popular "free" programs and vital "behind-the-scenes" software push a Chrome install as default.

It is not as if 90% of modern PC users havent got a clue how to do anything except click on the link.

BTW, that moan about the FF menu can be fixed in the options panel in about 10 seconds.

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Michigan electricity utility downed by ransomware attack

Ian Emery
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Facepalm

Ironic

In a story subtitled "Don't click on the links, don't click on the links, don't …"; you include HOW many links??

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F-35s failed 'scramble test' because of buggy software

Ian Emery
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Black Helicopters

For Sale

I know where I can get my hands on a stash of old Vampires, Venoms and Hunters, if the Navy are interested.

Guaranteed no software/firmware issues.

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Audiophile torrent site What.CD fully pwnable thanks to wrecked RNG

Ian Emery
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Re: Fill the site with ducks?

I read it as that as well; I was going to blame my 3 y/o for watching too many old Donald D*ck cartoons.

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Chap runs Windows 95 on Apple Watch

Ian Emery
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Angel

Today is International "No Title" Day*

The lengths some people will go to, just to play Minesweeper.

*Well, it COULD be, who knows........

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US data suggests Windows 10 adoption in business is slowing

Ian Emery
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Have an upvote.

I still run one XP machine, and may well revert a 2nd, to run a superb old flatbed scanner. Despite all the scare mongering, I have not had a single security issue with the XP box online.

Like many others Win7 is it, my newest PC is Ubuntu powered, although the learning curve is steep and I feel very constrained by what it will let me do on the desktop.

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Japan's Hitomi space 'scope bricked, declared lost after software bug

Ian Emery
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Paris Hilton

Latest theory.

The rumour mill suggests it was a forced upgrade to Windows 10 while in mid manoeuvre wot killed it.

Paris, she can tumble my gyroscopes any time.

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Pop goes the weasel! Large Hadron Collider blown up by critter chomping 66kV cable

Ian Emery
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Re: Assumptions...

Strange, David Cameron. came to my mind.

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Ian Emery
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Alien

Re: Half a pound of tupenny rice...

I'm more worried about him surviving in the tunnel and developing super powers, from the radiation.

Is it a furry bird??

Is it a hairy train??

NO!!

It's SUPER WEASEL !!

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Must listen: We've found the real Bastard Operator From Hell

Ian Emery
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Windows

Will it be released as an EP ??

What will the "B" side be.

(VERY old windows user)

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Rampant robot tries to rip my clothes off

Ian Emery
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I used an online Robot doctor last week

It took my symptoms and gave me a list of possible causes; by adding info about my auto-immune issues I got the list down to 6, and common sense got me down to one - which was Red Flagged with "Urgent Medical Attention Required".

Straight off to hospital, Robot diagnosis confirmed and 2 weeks of anti-biotics prescribed with a "Come back at once if it doesnt start to clear up"

My only issue is the meds are giving me insomnia; not had a decent nights sleep in a week.

[In my best Janet Street Porter accent] "Maybe it couldnt understand your accent"

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Carl Icahn: Will someone rid my portfolio of this rotten Apple?

Ian Emery
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Whelks chance in a supernova

With the Chinese government starting to block iThing services the same way it blocks Google, I wouldnt hold my breath about him reinvesting.

Where is the

"WE DOOMED, DOOMED I TELL YOU!!!" icon??

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Your mother has a smooth forehead, Klingon language lovers roar at Paramount

Ian Emery
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You HAVE to hear "Jingle Bells" in the original Klingon rendering; the translation to English doesnt do it justice.

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Which keys should I press to enable the CockUp feature?

Ian Emery
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Alert

Undocumented keystrokes are just a small child away

My 1 y/o wiped my browser history, bookmarks and passwords with one bash of the keyboard.

Hence giving her an old PC to play with.

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Romania suffers Eurovision premature ejection

Ian Emery
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Do they allow camping?

Is it true that, following this news, hotel rooms in Romania are fully booked for the 2nd week of May??

Can I PLEASE pitch a tent somewhere in the country for that week!!??!!

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Sysadmin given Licence To Perve shows why you always get it in writing

Ian Emery
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Re: SAID NO MANAGER EVER

Had it happen to me, he wandered into the control room and found me reading a newspaper; so launched straight into a rant in front of all the control room staff.

I patiently let him finished, then informed him my shift didnt start for another 35 minutes, but I had left home an hour early to make sure I arrived on time, as I the snow was pretty deep and it was a 15 mile drive through the hills to reach the place..

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Ian Emery
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Re: "What have you had to get in writing?"

Not just email; I had the Child Support Agency come after me - 16 YEARS after I beat them in court; unluckily for them, I had kept all the paperwork, and as soon as I started quoting reference numbers at them, they stopped trying to steal my wages.

BTW, this salary grab was covert, they tried it without bothering to contact me first; if my boss hadnt been a family member.......

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'Impossible' EmDrive flying saucer thruster may herald new theory of inertia

Ian Emery
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Question

When will it be ready to power my flying car??

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Toshiba notebook disk drive slims down. You like that, gamers?

Ian Emery
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POP! Goes the Hard Drive!!

Having had a 3 week old SSD go pop mid session, I have to agree.

On another note, will this drive still be labelled "Hitachi" in the firmware??

My PCs are full of Hitachi/Toshiba drives, especially after a run of Seagate drive failures this year; a 240GB Patriot SSD for each PC's OS and program folder, but all the data goes onto the spinning rust.

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Mitsubishi 'fesses up: We lied in fuel tests to make our cars look great

Ian Emery
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Black Helicopters

Going by the appalling mpg my MMC motor gets, the Euro figures are honest.

And I do mean appalling, but it is very close to the official mpg.

On the up side, 8 years old and NOTHING has gone wrong with it; I havent even had to change a bulb.

Black chopper, because with my mpg, the chopper is cheaper to run.

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Snafu! BT funnels all customers' sent email into one poor sod's inbox

Ian Emery
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Windows

BT and Yahoo

I vaguely remember these names, are they still around?? I havent used them since last century.

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Censorship FTW! China bans Paris Hilton, minor Kardashians et al

Ian Emery
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Re: Banning the fluff"

Having had to put up with SWMBO watching Chinese soap operas, I think it is a bit late for the Chinese government to ban "fluff".

Mind you, I also doubt it will be effective; a few years back they banned "Shows featuring Time Travel", yet loads of my nieces teenage friends were into Dr Who when I was out there last.

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Ian Emery
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Coat

STOP TEASING!!

Based on the headline, I was already planning to buy a Karaoke bar on Sanya city beach; lucky I read the rest of it, and realised they werent banning the Kardashians from entering the country.

Thats my coat, the one WITHOUT the green hat in the pocket.

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