* Posts by Ian Emery

1159 posts • joined 9 Aug 2007

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Three non-obvious reasons to Vote Leave on the 23rd

Ian Emery
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Re: Did UK make ever something positive to make EU stronger?

Turkey are being "Fast-Tracked"; and their appalling human-rights record, and totalitarian government issues are being ignored (see Private Eye - ad nausium)

The EU Army WILL effectively make it "The United States of Europe"; but without all the democratic protections of the US version..

The mainland Europeans distaste for us can be seen every year in Eurovision, so why not just admit they dont like us and go back to our old club - the Commonwealth. Many of our old colonies have at least the POTENTIAL for economic growth, the EU economy is moribund and likely dying under the weight of arbitrary EU regulations.

BTW I have first hand experience of the UK following an insane EU directive that cost thousands of jobs, and had a huge, negative environmental impact, while the French government publicly admitted they were ignoring it.

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Holy kittens! YouTube screens go blank

Ian Emery
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Unhappy

DRAT!

It is working here, my 3 y/o is watching Vampire Queen Elsa and Vampire Princess Anna being chased around by SpiderDaddyPig and Mermaid Barbi

How I long for the days when she was 2, didnt know how to use YT, and I could load up educational programs like kidstv123.

At least this means she isnt hacking my PC, like that undocumented keyboard shortcut that deletes all of my browser history and bookmarks she's discovered.

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Dell tempts hordes with MASSIVE DISCOUNTS on PCs

Ian Emery
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Re: Ah, DELL (time to lament the 90's)..... Now, anyone for MSI....???

I used to swear by Asus, now I swear at them; my last Asus mobo had a SATA port FALL OFF!!

I replaced it with a MSI board - which has its own issues;

BIOS updates have been known to kill the boards - even if you HAVE downloaded the correct one.

The Southbridge can run insanely hot (80C!!) according to various monitoring programs.

And worst of all, sometimes it will refuse to recognise any USB device when trying to do something pre Windows environment - including the USB keyboard and mouse! (ie a boot error asking you to push an "F" key)

This is all shades of Gigabyte; I've had THREE of their AMD boards all fail with the same fault; the original failed after a few months, and two replacements turned up already broken (ethernet port u/s).

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Rejoice, fatties: Giving chocolate electric shocks makes it healthier

Ian Emery
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Re: From comments around the internet

Actually, Hershey tastes fine - after you have had a Chinese formula Mars Bar.

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Ian Emery
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Boffin

Re: 25% less taste

Sugar is too expensive (and now to be taxed), so expect cheap chemicals.

If anyone wants me, I will be in the shed with a box of Lidls finest chocolate and an old cardiac arrest crash cart that mysteriously disappeared from the local hospital shortly after this was posted.

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Gravitational waves: A new type of astronomy

Ian Emery
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Re: Politness. - If it is true, this means that - to be polite - we have to wave back.

GAWD! I havent had a Dick Emery joke launched at me in over a decade!!

(You are showing your age!)

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Ian Emery
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Re: Politness. - If it is true, this means that - to be polite - we have to wave back.

I'm sure I can find several large black holes in the EU budget.

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Ian Emery
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Joke

Politness.

If it is true, this means that - to be polite - we have to wave back.

Just ponder on the gravity of my joke.

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BOFH: Follow the paper trail

Ian Emery
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Childcatcher

My wifes a cook; she has just been told by her boss that she has to go on a course about tackling FGM.....

Can she pack a hatchet??

A hint as to where she lies her trade.

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UK's education system blamed for IT jobs going to non-Brits

Ian Emery
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Re: Focus

I have to agree, this isnt just an IT related problem; Universities are shutting down expensive to run engineering and "science" courses to run cheap "media studies" courses; and ALL the courses are pared down to meet the exam, not teach the subject (which is sadly true through-out our education system now).

I have had freshly minted degree qualified staff turn up who havent a clue outside of the very narrow band of information spoon-fed to them, and who seem incapable of realising their lack.

My favourite stories in this vein are :-

A newly qualified teacher who asked me if Apple Crumble was vegetarian, and couldnt give the seasons in the correct order ("Summer, Winter, Autumn, Spring" is what I caught her teaching the children)

A boss with a degree in Electrical Engineering, who miss-wired the plug in his table lamp - Earth and Neutral crossed - and couldnt see the problem with a bank of CBs with both the "In" and "Out" cables coming out of the one set of terminals.

To be fair to him, I was the first person to notice the issue - on my first day in the job - 23 years after they had been installed!!

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Microsoft releases open source bug-bomb in the rambling house of C

Ian Emery
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Trollface

This being Micro$hit...

How long till they find the first bug in the bug checker??

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Admins in outcry as Microsoft fix borks Group Policy

Ian Emery
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Black Helicopters

Re: Thanks for the heads up

Only 3 days? Brave (or foolish); I used to delay for nearly the whole month, but due to the increasingly desperate attempts to get Malware10 onto the family PCs, I have disabled Updates entirely.

No biggie really, because IF you try to download WITHOUT the MW10 files, it sulks and refuses to do anything, for hours, or even days.

I do suspect all the PATCH M$hit NOW screaming is B.S. sometimes; I have been running an old XP box without ANY issues, even when connecting in Hotels in dodgy parts of the world.

Competition Time!!!

Who can guess how long it will be before the "Remain" party claims that leaving the EU will cause cancer??

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Boffins decipher manual for 2,000-year-old Ancient Greek computer

Ian Emery
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I was going to say something about file compression, but now I cant be arsed.

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Forget Game of Thrones as Android ransomware infects TVs

Ian Emery
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Ré Re: geographic preference

Rowlocks.

There are PLENTY of countries far poorer than those named; either these contain his home territory, or he is afraid the locals will take out a contract on him.

(We are far too nice to these people).

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Thief dresses as Apple Store drone, walks off with $16,000 in iGear

Ian Emery
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Paris Hilton

They were all too busy playing with their iThings to look up and noice.

I am surprised they HAVE noticed at all!!

Next time, take a Paris look-a-like along - you will be able to clean the store out!!

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Chinese space station 'out of control', will do best firework impression

Ian Emery
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Re: I'd not be surprised...

If it accidentally crashed into the middle of Taipai.

And released a horde of genetically mutated, plague carrying monkeys.

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One entire US spook base: Yours for $1m+

Ian Emery
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Alien

Space signals

The main camp looks like a kak-handed Vulcan greeting, and as for the dish site - count to 4 in binary on either hand.

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Latest Windows 10 build loves up cloud, banishes 'strange grey bar'

Ian Emery
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Trollface

Docker, isnt that a type of boot

So Micro$hit are letting you put the boot into their OS??

Sound OK to me!!!!!

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Oooooklahoma! Where the cops can stop and empty your bank cards – on just a hunch

Ian Emery
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WTF?

Speechless

No, really, words fail me.

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Rogue Somerset vulture lands at Royal Navy airbase

Ian Emery
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Re: PENDANT ALERT

I discounted that as a mistake by the guy who made the sign for the bird handlers.

I havent been in for a few years, but the signs always USED to read "RNAS Heron" - with "Yeovilton" underneath.

In fact (thinking about it), the "active air" side was RNAS Heron, and the admin/museum side were Yeovilton; never saw one with a "HMS" on it, that I can remember.

The BEST thing about the museum used to be the viewing gallery, where you could see the Shars and whirlybirds of the airbase in action.

The WORST thing was the food in the cafe, which made even old Navy rations look/taste good.

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Ian Emery
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Headmaster

PENDANT ALERT

It is RNAS Heron, Yeovilton is the name of the village.

The above fixed wing joke only works if you discount the Museum, which is full of fixed wing aircraft, including a very big, white, supersonic one.

Ré the F35, perhaps we should get some T50's, at least the Russians have managed to get them to fly.

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You've got a patch, you've got a patch ... almost every Android device has a patch

Ian Emery
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Xiaomi Updated

Not sure when, I havent checked since my last battery charge (last week). Also not sure if everything listed here is in the list as it was too long!!!

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Aquaboffins sink lost Greek city theory

Ian Emery
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Re: Atlantis claims were obviously wrong

{Embarressed}

Of course, it was Scranton that turned itself into a Spaceship, how could I forget EE "Doc" Smiths Historical Documents - they got me an "A" in English Lit many years ago.

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Ian Emery
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Alien

Atlantis claims were obviously wrong

Because everyone knows the Atlantians converted it into a spaceship and took off for another Galaxy.

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TeamViewer beefs up account security after rash of PC, Mac hijacks

Ian Emery
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Childcatcher

Re: Pretending this happens to you

" You cannot control what is not turn on."

Apart from poor English composition...

I wish this were true, maybe for TV it is, but Micro$hit will turn your PC back on, so it can install Win10.

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Windows 10 market share jumps two per cent

Ian Emery
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Paris Hilton

Re: Low marketshare

Yeah, they have broken Win Update for Win7, it just doesnt work (unless you want to download the Win10 crapware).

In my mind, Win7 is now "Abandonware"; if (on the off-chance), I need a new machine loaded with it, I will use one of my existing DVDs, a certain program for activating it, and not bother with the Update website.

After all, I still have one machine running XP, and despite all the pronouncements of doom, it hasnt been hacked or infected at all since support ended; and in reference to a post about dodgy intercepts in Chinese hotels, it has been used REPEATEDLY in various Chinese hotels, and STILL my bank account remains untouched!!!

Now if only PARIS would turn up in one of those hotel rooms (or a reasonable facsimile of her).

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Ian Emery
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Thumb Down

Have a down vote, as I am guessing you are the (only) person who down voted my earlier posting.

Work for Microshit by any chance??

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Ian Emery
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Re: It's the leap before the deadline

Nooooo, the boost is because it isnt nagware any longer - too many people were saying "No". The latest version installs Win10 whether you like it or not.

Even switching your PC off wont help, it schedules a wake up, then installs itself!! (happen to my mums PC while I was visiting her on Wednesday).

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Universe's shock rapidly expanding waistline may squash Einstein flat

Ian Emery
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Unhappy

Re: Or... time?

Knowing my luck, time will grind to a halt and we will all be stuck in a dreary, wet, Sunday afternoon in October.

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Mushroom farm PC left in the dark and fed … you know the rest

Ian Emery
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Fast Typing is a MUST.

I used to work for Cosworth many years ago, they had customised BBC Micros controlling the mould injection system, and the things were located right next to the molten aluminium furnaces.

If you stood still too long, even though the floor was deep poured concrete, the soles of you shoes would melt.

I learnt the hard way.

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'Windows 10 nagware: You can't click X. Make a date OR ELSE'

Ian Emery
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Mushroom

Re: Fit for purpose

MY local councils "Child Services" department use a number of active scripts and file types that ONLY open correctly with Office - versions from 2008 onwards.

ACTIVE FUCKING SCRIPTS !!!!!!!

Still, at least they have FINALLY dropped Fax as the only way they will send out invoicing information.

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Ian Emery
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Re: Fit for purpose

WHAT!!!!

Someone needs history lesson, or have you never heard of Windows 98 or Windows 95, or the BBC Micro, or the Amiga, or the Spectrum, or the (God help us) ZX80 ?? (The list goes on).

( Just into my 50s and running a computer since the late 80's and a PC since 97)

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Ian Emery
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FAIL

Re: I need info

TeamViewer ROFL!!!

Has this been posted by one of the hackers???

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Ian Emery
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Boffin

Re: Wow...

Not just Vista, Win7 as well, I found out last night that my parents PC popped this up LAST WEEK. They switched it off and havent used it since.

Then yesterday afternoon, IT SWITCHED ITSELF ON AND PERFORMED THE UPDATE!!

Luckily, an anti virus scan also occurred that stopped it rebooting (it stalled trying to read WindowsSystem32 folder), so there was time for me to talk mum through using Never10. Finally allowed it to reboot, and got the Win7 desktop.

I then talked her through disabling Win Update.

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Ian Emery
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Devil

M$ cant infect me

Cos updates for Win7 are fooked.

I finally went through all of the May updates, to see what was safe (about 50% of them), then clicked to download and install them; after an hour (on my 80Mb connection), it had downloaded - precisely nothing!!

I'll bet that if I had allowed all the Win10 fuckware, the shit will have downloaded and installed before I finishing clicking the "Download now" button.

BTW, Dont download the "Malicious Software Removal Tool" either, last months fucked my machine, and I had to find and enter a new licence number (the old one was valid and legal).

Luckily I had a spare for a machine I installed Ubuntu on instead.

My netbook is due for a refresh, so that will get either Ubuntu or Mint; no more sales revenue for M$ from me; the are joining NPower, British Gas and PayPal on my eternal shit-list.

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TeamViewer denies hack after PCs hijacked, PayPal accounts drained

Ian Emery
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Trollface

I can only assume this is a play on the fact that - in many Chinese business hotels - the management turn a blind eye to ladies of ill repute slipping their cards under your door 10 minutes after you first check in.

Next time, stay at a "Home Inn", they are very similar to an Ibis or Premier Inn, and I have never had the "Business Card" slipped under my door whilst staying at one.

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Microsoft sells 1,500 patents to Chinese mega-phone biz Xiaomi

Ian Emery
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+1 for Dave 126

I have had my Xiaomi for over a year, a great phone that is fully customisable software-wise; you dont even have to run MIUI if you dont want to, plenty of 3rd party ROMS for their phones.

I do worry that a tie-up will M$ will doom them though, M$ do seem to have the anti-Midas touch (everything they touch turns to shit)

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Norks' parade rocket fails to fly, again

Ian Emery
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Joke

N.K. Announces new stealth technology.

Tells the world the launches were entirely successful, but the stealth technology used meant no one else could detect the launch.

Joke (for now)

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Earth's core is younger than its crust surface

Ian Emery
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Unhappy

My brain hurts, can we have an article about kittens please.

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As US court bans smart meter blueprints from public, sysadmin tells of fight for security info

Ian Emery
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Doomed, DOOMED !! I TELL YOU!!

Once the inevitable happens, and the meters are cracked; it wont be safe to go on holiday OR go to work; crims will be able to remotely scan whole areas and pick out the houses where no one is making a morning cup of coffee, or using the shower......

Never mind the issues with the crappy billing departments at the utility companies cutting you off due to an admin error.

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Microsoft won't back down from Windows 10 nagware 'trick'

Ian Emery
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Re: "You should probably double bag it when browsing with windows."

I prefer the letter in the "Playboy Advisor" section of the mag many years ago.

Question 1/ I dont want to get a girl pregnant, what should I do?

Question 2/ I suffer from premature ejaculation, what should I do??

Question 3/ My penis is rather small, what should I do?

And the Advisor replied....

Answer 1/ Wear a condom.

Answer 2/ Wear another condom.

Answer 3/ Wear ANOTHER condom.

Classic.

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Microsoft's Windows Phone folly costs it another billion dollars

Ian Emery
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FAIL

A lot of hot air in this thread

M$ are suffering from Karma, it was bound to happen; they have fucked us over so many times, eventually it was going to bite them on the arse.

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Shakes on a plane: How dangerous is turbulence?

Ian Emery
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Its "The Twist" that scared me

Flying in and (4 hours later) out of Beijing, the 777 was twisting in the wind sheer; looking along the cabin from near the back, you could see the whole body pivoting +/- 15 degrees around the upper edge of the main frame, with the overhead compartments seeming to stay still and emphasis the twist.

Not sure if this was entirely a weather issue, as the previous flight in and out on a 747 was as smooth as silk

Our China Southern 777 also had dodgy brakes; on landing it would veer violently to the right every time the brakes were applied; even the stewardess liked scared (she was sat facing me); I was on board for three legs, Nanning - Guangzhou, Guangzhou - Beijing, Beijing - Shipol, and she had a death grip on her harness every time.

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Ian Emery
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Re: "means the wing tips are flexed up to 90 degrees during testing"

Wings can bend down as well as up; 45 + 45 = ??

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India launches hypersonic space shuttle precursor

Ian Emery
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The government might be stopping, but charities will continue to send money there. I spent the weekend raising money to rescue blind children abandoned on the streets - the Indian government doesnt care if they starve to death (or get eaten).

(Joythi Seva Society)

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Three UK: Our MMS prices are up. Get around us with WhatsApp or Skype

Ian Emery
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Re: Can I disable MMS?

Actually, video calls - al la Skype, are becoming more popular with such apps as WeChat, and better, faster mobile coverage/data allowances.

Plus the fact that, as data, it doesnt matter if the friend you are WeChatting to is in the next town, or on the next continent, you doesnt pay any extra, as long as you doesnt use up your monthly allowance.

Arthur C Clarke suggested international call charges should be scrapped MANY years ago; and indeed, many companies now ship your call as a free VOIP to save themselves money, even while charging you.

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A UK digital driving licence: What could possibly go wrong?

Ian Emery
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Re: It Bodes

Only valid unless you move house, then you have to return it and they will charge you for a crappy plastic one.

That is how the prised my Green paper one out of my hands; they promised the plastic version was not compulsory - THEY LIED!!

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World goes SIM-free, leaving Sony and HTC trailing behind

Ian Emery
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Re: You've got it backwards

Actually, more like a quarter of the price.

That new Xiaomi mentioned a few posts up, I am not 100% certain, but at least one of the new Xiaomi phones can run TWO 4G SIM cards, on different networks AT THE SAME TIME!!

Now I am hungering after that; I can keep GiffGaff for cheap/free calls to friends and family, AND use Three for internet usage (O2 network is shite for this).

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Ian Emery
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Boffin

Re: Xiaomi are banking on issuing frequent, monthly or fortnightly updates"

An unresolved bug with the FM radio, not sure when it occurred as I have never actually used it, and an update in January broke the MiPC suite for a couple of months for some MIUI phones; although it seems the issue was more with the MiPC suite as instead of bug fixing the phone OS, they brought out an update for the MiPC suite.

I have been running the BETA update program since buying the phone over a year ago, and those are the only two bugs I have spotted.

No lock-ups and the only other issue is Googles fault - removing the GPS sensor On/Off switch ; sometimes my satnav software fails to turn it on (but doesnt warn me), and there is no easy way to force it to activate any longer - but that is true of all current Android phones. (My phone switches off sensors it isnt using to save power - I get an average 4 days out of a battery charge, sometimes 6 days.

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Hack probing poodle sacrifice cuffed for public crap

Ian Emery
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Re: I think I see what you did there.

Yeah, some really crap puns that should be shot on shite... err sight.

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