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* Posts by Ian Emery

636 posts • joined 9 Aug 2007

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JLaw, Kate Upton exposed in celeb nude pics hack

Ian Emery
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Boffin

Celebs get upset because ........

These photos show them as real people, not as the flawlessly bodied beings photoshop and their agents like to portray.

BTW.

In a world where someone announces their uncle has prostitute cancer, colleague and college are spelt nearly the same = coleege/coledge.

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Ian Emery
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Alien

Re: Jennifer Lawrence, Kate Upton and Ariana Grande

I thought Ariana Grande was a big new space rocket.

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Ninja Pirate Zombie Vampires versus Chuck Norris and the Space Marines

Ian Emery
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Pint

Re: No Commander Shepard / mixed bag of aliens on the winning side?

If we are talking of C J Cherryh characters, then we are back to heavily armed CATS again!!!!

(The Pride of Chanur).

Make mine a catnip please.

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Oz fed police in PDF redaction SNAFU

Ian Emery
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Trollface

Re: Not the same bunch that didn't realize shared servers on one IP?

"You're the cream of the crop!""

ALL THE CLOTS!!!!!!

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China building SUPERSONIC SUBMARINE that travels in a BUBBLE

Ian Emery
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Happy

So does this mean...

.... I can now order take out from my favourite Guangzhou Restaurants and expect it to still be hot when delivered to my UK home???

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6 Obvious Reasons Why Facebook Will Ban This Article (Thank God)

Ian Emery
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Meh

The Third Way

Dont have a Facebook account.

Dont have a Twitter account

Dont have a Linkdin account

Dont have a Reddit account

Use NoScript to block Facebook, Twitter, Linkdin, Reddit and Google (amongst others)

Unblock Google when it is needed to make a page work.

It works for me; but then I get enough inane drivel directed at me by the women I have to work with, and I havent found a way to block them yet.

(Soaps, soaps, Orlando Bloom, soaps, make-up, soaps, babies, Christian Bale, soaps.....)

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BBC goes titsup: iPlayer to News websites down – Auntie working to fix it

Ian Emery
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You think??

Still trying to figure out how that would take down the entire BBC network; it is just as likely the BBC server farm is run on a pre-payment meter and the boss forgot to load it with 50p coins before going off for the weekend.

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Cracking copyright law: How a simian selfie stunt could make a monkey out of Wikipedia

Ian Emery
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Pint

So basically...

All this article does is tell us what we already know, a certain Mr Wales is an arse.

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Shoot-em-up: Sony Online Entertainment hit by 'large scale DDoS attack'

Ian Emery
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The BBC also

I am getting "500" errors on all the various BBC web pages I have tried to visit this evening.

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Vampires and Ninjas versus the Alien Jedi Robot Pirates: It's ON

Ian Emery
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Paris Hilton

KITTEH!!!!!

Preferably cute and heavily armed !!!!

Paris, the nearest we have to a cute fluffy furball.

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Microsoft refuses to nip 'Windows 9' unzip lip slip

Ian Emery
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Alien

Re: Underwhelmed

You mean copying Apple??

Regarding the queues of fanbois waiting in line for their new shiny toy - hasnt this got something to do with the fact the non replaceable battery in each phone lasts almost EXACTLY the same amount of time between Apple iPhone releases???

I think we should be told.

Alien, after all Apple execs are from another planet!!!!

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The Register to boldly go where no Vulture has gone before: The WEEKEND

Ian Emery
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Pint

Excellent

Another excuse I can offer up to SWMBO for not doing the gardening.

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Caught red-handed: UK cops, PCSOs, specials behaving badly… on social media

Ian Emery
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Devil

"Fuzz" is too fluffy

We all know they are gits, so call them something harder - like "Rozzers"

Icon, the nearest, but not as nasty equivalent of the modern Rozzer.

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Cops baffled by riddle of CHICKEN who crossed ROAD

Ian Emery
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Optional

Well, we all know the elephant crossed the road to make a trunk call, so I suspect that the chicken crossed because it was stapled to the elephant.

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Detroit losing MILLIONS because it buys CHEAP BATTERIES – report

Ian Emery
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Re: @ Ian Emery (was: Smoke Alarms....)

Pretty much everything has been said, low current load, warning siren when it is down to 50% level (the other 50% is reserved to keep the siren going every 2 minutes for the next 6 months)......

OH!

BTW,

I am a electronics tech (retired), with kit I've built fitted to HM Hunter-Killer subs amongst other places; and two Queens Awards (one for Technology and one for Exports).

No icon - you dont seem to have a "smug git" one.

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Ian Emery
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Coat

Smoke Alarms....

I'll change to branded batteries the day I find the temperature in my house has fallen below minus twenty Celsius.

Fleece lined coat - natch.

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Top Gun display for your CAR: Heads-up fighter pilot tech

Ian Emery
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Re: uh, no

Give me Hellfires, according to an old flight sim at least, you can target slow moving aircraft like choppers as well as ground targets.

Ré GPS on mountains, the speed readings would be a bit out, but as long as you werent hard up against the north rock face, you should still be able to see the odd GPS sat.

The GPS on my Asus tablet is a bit poor, but the only time I lost the signal today, while driving around the centre of Brum, was in Debenhams carpark; I dont even remember losing it the last time the Queensway tunnel was open.

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Lenovo posts an INCREASE in desktop PC and notebook sales

Ian Emery
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Happy

Not always cheaper, better made

I own a bit of Lenovo kit, I havent ever bought a whole system from them though, what attracts me is the QUALITY.

The Lenovo keyboards and mice I have are the BEST I have ever had the pleasure of using - regardless of price, my only gripe is the "Caps Lock" key being a tad too close to the "A".

Even my baby daughter has failed to kill my keyboard, despite walking all over it (and a bit of stomping).

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Fifteen countries KO'd in malware one-two punch

Ian Emery
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Joke

I blame the French and illegal immigrants.

(Sorry, I must have overdosed on The Daily Mail).

Because there is ALWAYS one.............

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Samsung Galaxy Tab S 8.4: 4G Android tablet is easy to swallow

Ian Emery
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Big Brother

Elephant in the room

Is the battery replaceable??

(Everything else sounds great, although dual sim would be nice).

In light of the GCHQ revelations, I am surprised El Reg hasnt removed all the other icons.

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Microsoft: Just what the world needs – a $25 Nokia dumbphone

Ian Emery
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Coat

Re: Think of the kids

This is the perfect phone for NURSERY WORKERS.

Following all the paranoia from certain sex abuse cases, we arent allowed to have our phones switched on at work - in case we take abusive photos of the kiddies; so a camera-less phone like this would be ideal for being contactable in a family emergency.

(The landline is a no-no as the manager is always hogging it)

Mines the one with crayon on the back, and baby-sick on the shoulder.

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London cops cuff 20-year-old man for unblocking blocked websites

Ian Emery
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Big Brother

Re: Well....

It actually only applies to the few "BIG" ISP's; anyone with less than a certain number of subscribers (1million???), doesnt have to implement the block, so I can go visit the P1r@t3 B@y any time I want.

Weirdly, the ONLY website I cannot access is a perfectly legitimate US radio streaming service that now seems to be blocked in the UK; I can access the website, but not any of the streams, despite being a subscriber for many years.

Orwell didnt know the half if it!!!

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Researcher snaps a Zeus hacker's photo through his webcam

Ian Emery
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Joke

Cylon??

Or at least a close cousin based on the swishing light where the eyes should be.

Joke Alert, in case there is anyone of German descent reading this.

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Love in the time of the GPS sees chap propose with Google Map

Ian Emery
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Trollface

As usual

the woman has clearer bike writing.

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Microsoft KILLS Windows 8.1 Update 2 and Patch Tuesday

Ian Emery
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Black Helicopters

If I am reading this correctly......

the author is suggesting that Win9 will probably be Win8.1 SP1.

In which case I might be sticking with XP for longer than I expected!!!!

(Still updating nicely since adding the "POS" entry to the registry)

(I always assumed "POS" stood for "Piece of sh.....................................................

CONNECTION TERMINATED

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NASA tests crazytech flying saucer thruster, could reach Mars in days

Ian Emery
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Re: Turn around point

That is assuming they manage to do all their calculations using the same measurement system - Metric OR Imperial - and not a bit of each !!!!

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DAYS from end of life as we know it: Boffins tell of solar storm near-miss

Ian Emery
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Angel

Re: EMP and nuclear meltdown...

I suspect there would be a glut of "Glow in the Dark" men (and women); would they count as super heros??

Very useful if I want to read a (paper) book at night.

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Ian Emery
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Re: Odds?

ANd how would we power these old PCs?? The grid is entirely controlled by computers these days.

BTW, the US grid is ancient and falling apart, so it at least could do with some major upgrading; perhaps this report has that in mind.

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Ian Emery
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Mushroom

Would a tin foil hat help??

We're DOOOOMED I tell ya, DOOOOMED.

(The nearest we have to a solar pimple icon)

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Captain Kirk sets phaser to SLAUGHTER after trying new Facebook app

Ian Emery
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Re: I object

Could someone at Reg central do a tote up and see if I am in "Negative Equity" yet??

PS Run out of Romulan ale, now have a choice between Synth-ale and my own pi$$

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Ian Emery
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Windows

Re: Downvote explained ...

Hey, I didnt say I didnt like the guy, or his "performance", he just cant ACT.

(Wow, I have never had so many thumbs, in fact my "Down" total for that post may exceed my lifetime "Up" total!!!!).

Goes and cries into his Romulan Ale

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Ian Emery
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Paris Hilton

I object

to your calling Shatner an "Actor".

Anyone who has seen Star Trek TOS, or any of his films will attest that he cant act his way out of a paper bag.

(His later acting jobs seem to show a suspicious improvement in acting ability - in line with improvements in CGI technology!!)

(Paris is saying "William who??)

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Mozilla fixes CRITICAL security holes in Firefox, urges v31 upgrade

Ian Emery
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Still holding out at v28

I am not worried, I do most of my math using my fingers.

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Orange spent weekend spamming customers with TXTs

Ian Emery
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Boffin

Re: Free , not for you it's not

How about those Orange members who are overseas?? I can remember receiving a text costing me £1.50 while I was in China, so this would soon rack up a HUGE bill.

Boffin Icon because we all need to know .....

How much interest will Orange/EE earn before refunding everyone's money??

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Say goodbye to landfill Android: Top 10 cheap 'n' cheerful smartphones

Ian Emery
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I cant match a $35 Indian phone

But my £60, (fake), Octacore Lenovo P780 is pretty good for the money (the Prestigio looks suspiciously like it).

The only thing it really lacks is GPS (it claims to have it, but it doesnt work).

1GB RAM

8GB internal storage

uSB slot

Works as USB storage device

Front and rear cameras (not wonderful quality, but I own a DLSR for taking photos).

Best of all, unlike many touch screen devices, it actually works for me (I have very dry skin)

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Diary note: Pluto's close-up is a year from … now!

Ian Emery
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Alien

To boldly go

It also contains the names of lots of space nuts (including my son's). I must remind him he has nearly arrived.

(OK, I am the space nut, getting his name on the space craft was a birthday gift).

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Will GCHQ furtle this El Reg readers' poll? Team Snowden suggests: Yes

Ian Emery
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Black Helicopters

Why werent the correct answer boxes "pre ticked for my convenience"??

Hmm, whats that noise.......

IT'S A HELICOPTER,,,,,,,,, but it is ok, the chopper is orange in colour.

HOLD ON!! ISN'T ORANGE THE NEW BL.............

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We SO DO support Java on XP, maybe even JDK 8, says Oracle

Ian Emery
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Joke

"Don’t believe everything you read on the Internet."

A handy piece of advice from Sir Winston Churchill's twitter feed.

Joke Alert - for those still protesting at a certain film maker killing an innocent triceratops while on safari.

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Watch: DARPA shows off first successful test of STEERABLE bullet

Ian Emery
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Facepalm

Bugger !!

Now the US can kill allied troops even when they are hiding around corners.

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Space geeks' resurrected NASA Sun probe ISEE-3 now on collision course with THE MOON

Ian Emery
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We need the Vulture space salvage ship*

Good luck guys, space nuts everywhere are rooting for you.

*Anyone remember THAT series??

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The Windows 8 dilemma: Win 8 or wait for 9?

Ian Emery
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Alien

Re: Time for some truly revolutionary GUIs?

Its OK, some of us got the Trekkie joke the first time around.

Assume the others are muggles.

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FAKE Google web SSL certificates tip-toe out from Indian authorities

Ian Emery
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FAIL

Hacked??

More likely a bung offered and accepted.

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Standby consumes MORE POWER THAN CANADA: IEA

Ian Emery
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The IEA have no credibility due to their repeated over-inflation of power consumption costs by at least a factor of ten in most, if not all cases.

My guess is they pick the most power hungry (ancient) model in each category and then "cost" it using the price of the most expensive electricity on the planet.

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Big Java security fixes on the way – but not so fast, Windows XP users

Ian Emery
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Java???

I thought only dodgy porn sites still used it.

I browse with it switched off, and rarely find the need to enable it.

(WinXP user)

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We need to talk about SPEAKERS: Sorry, 'audiophiles', only IT will break the sound barrier

Ian Emery
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Coat

I knew what was going to be said as soon as the statement about CD sound being perfect was uttered.

There will NEVER be such a thing as a perfect speaker because of several factors; the main two being :-

1/ Everyones hearing is different - and even that changes over time; I could hear 25KHz as a 20 something, and can still hear 22Khz at nearly 50.

2/ Everyones tastes are different.

The path to digital perfect has been one of alienation for many; modern recordings sound sterile and lifeless compared with a scratchy old recording from the 1960's, even when compressed into mp3 format; perfect doesnt mean better, if it did there would only be ONE recording of every piece of classical music for starters!!!

I listen almost exclusively to mp3 format these days - because my baby daughter cannot be trusted near an expensive HiFi.

I am always trying out new artists, but when it comes to the choice between a modern recording of a classical piece or a Jazz standard, and an old re-coded one, the old one nearly always wins.

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Xiaomi: Hidden Android dragon is growing fast, despite being unknown in the West

Ian Emery
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Pint

I own a Chinese phone, it does everything a smart phone should at a fraction of the price of a Western phone, plus it came with a lot of extras that a Western phone maker charges for - protective case, screen protector, car charger, headphone dust plug, keyboard pen, dual SIM, uSD USB adapter ....

Mines a pint of Pearl River please!!!

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Windows 7, XP and even Vista GAIN market share again

Ian Emery
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Boffin

Back in the old days.......

I have been building PCs for family and friends (and work) since Win95 was KING, in that time nearly every OS has been tried (except Vista).

My personal experience has been :-

Win98 - an Improvement.

98SE - ditto

ME - SE with some interesting new features, but lack of driver support.

XP - A little buggy at first, but head and shoulders above the rest, even if the underlying code still allows exes originally written for Win3.1 !!

7 - M$ attempt at an Apple OS - looks and feels great, but frustrating when something doesnt work and it WONT let you tinker without a fight.

8.1 - Without a touch screen it is painful to use, weird inconsistencies to how it switches between PC and tablet screens, nothing old works, even more restrictive than 7 (more like an unrooted Droid phone).

Worst of all, M$ seem to have got sooo desperate to shift boxes, they are allowing it to be put on devices that are far too weedy for it to work properly; a friend recently bought a Tosh laptop, (no touch screen), and it was soooo slloooowwww I though he had already picked up some malware on it.

I do mean REALLY slow, I have an old Asus EEEPC901 running XP/Win7 that responds faster when running in battery saver mode, although I will admit the 901 SSD has been replaced with a faster "Patriot" SSD

BTW.

I think touch screens are easier to understand and use - in the same way a Fisher Price Cassette Player is easier to use than a Linn/Naim set-up - my 17 month old daughter has already mastered the iPhone and Lenovo P780 smart phones.

PS, I suspect XP is hanging around because there is so much sturdy, reliable office gear around that the manufacturers refuse to issue Win7/Win8 drivers for; I am talking to YOU HP !!!!! I bought a new office printer mere MONTHS before Win7 came out, yet you have NEVER produced proper drivers for it, so if I use it on a Win7 box I lose double-sided printing, collating, calibration, wireless connectivity, ...........

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LG drops G3 quad HD Android mobe with FRIGGIN' LASER camera

Ian Emery
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WTF?

Ré Power/Volume Buttons

I presume those photos were taken after vigorous scrubbing of the lens cover - as it is going to be covered in grubby finger marks from trying to feel for the right button right next to it.

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USB charger is prime suspect in death of Australian woman

Ian Emery
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Re: Two problems:

I argued against the CE mark system when it was proposed as a replacement for the Kite Mark.

Under the old system, items were sent away to a government regulated testing centre.

Under the CE system the MAKER just has to say it has been tested and is OK, there is no requirement for an external test lab to look at it until it blows up and kills someone.

So it is no good saying it is the Chinese makers faking a CE certificate - ALL CE certificate are worthless.

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Ian Emery
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Facepalm

Re: Mr Emery

The "wallwart" charger was plugged into the socket next to my bed - and from there the cable goes to my mp3 player - which lives under the bed and feeds Buddhist chanting into my MP3 pillow.

Your inference of ignorance on my part is amusing - seeing as I am an ex-sparky whose equipment is installed on a number of HM nuclear submarines.

(The icon is for you)

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