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* Posts by Mr Larrington

388 posts • joined 8 Aug 2007

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Tim Cook: The classic iPod HAD TO DIE, and this is WHY

Mr Larrington
FAIL

Bah!

I was going to buy a 160 Gb Classic but decided to leave it until after my holibobs. When I returned to Blighty the gits had stopped making it and chancers were asking $SILLY_MONEY. My old and faithful 60 Gb is down to 2 Gb free.

I have a refurbished 160 Gb model now, hopefully this will last until the Mega-Global Fruit Corporation realises that 64 Gb is too frikkin' small.

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SOULLESS machine-intelligence ROBOT cars to hit Blighty in 2015

Mr Larrington
Devil

Re: I want a driverless car!

"And you could let it go and do other stuff during the day, instead of sitting at the station."

I await with interest the first occurrence of a driverless car being cited as the third party in divorce proceedings..

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Windows NT grandaddy OpenVMS taken out back, single gunshot heard

Mr Larrington
Unhappy

Uptime

We're only on 91 days for our two VMS clusters, on account of a power failure.

Bah!

Sad news to one who's been a VMSherd since 1985.

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LOHAN is GO! Reg spaceplane BLASTS OFF on 14 September

Mr Larrington
Unhappy

Bah!

I'll be on my holibobs in USAnia and so will probably forget all about it it :-(

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Tennessee bloke quits job over satanic wage slip

Mr Larrington
Coat

Moreover...

25.806975801127880315188420605149 = the root of all evil.

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Google Doodle honors British bone-finder Mary Leakey

Mr Larrington
FAIL

Re: Honors?

Never mind the spelling, check out the apostrophe abuse. Pah!

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Facebook burnout: 61% of users have needed a break

Mr Larrington
FAIL

Stating the bleedin' obvious

Later on "Stating The Bleedin' Obvious", "water wet, fire hot", court is told.

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LOHAN finally checks into REHAB

Mr Larrington
Pint

Hurrah!

Hurrah for Men in Sheds!

That is all.

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Vatican subtly shifts its position on The Blues Brothers

Mr Larrington
Happy

That...

...would be an ecumenical matter.

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Basic instinct: how we used to code

Mr Larrington
WTF?

Jupiter Ace

In the mid-eighties I worked under a bloke who wrote his own BASIC *compiler* for the Jupiter Ace.

Scary.

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Look back in Ascii: Computing in the 1980s

Mr Larrington
Pint

IBM Selectric Golfball typewriter?

What's not to like? I churned out masses of total bollocks on one of these as a Penniless Student Oaf in the mid-80's and it was streets ahead of my crappy Olivetti portable.

I used to work with a chap who used the predecessor of that Microwriter wossname for *everything*. It was spooky watching him in meetings taking notes with one hand, without even looking at the thing.

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10x power boost for Freeview as London analogue signal cut

Mr Larrington
Devil

And now...

...perhaps I'll be able to watch HD without the signal disappearing every time a bus goes past Larrington Towers

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Hold on, Booker prize judges - Stob's penned a steampunk hit

Mr Larrington
Thumb Up

Excellent

That is all.

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Thin-client giant Wyse gobbled by Dell

Mr Larrington
Gimp

Re: Ah Wyse ...

I remember when our word processing ladies had their VT220 workalikes and wiring them into a VAX. Double shudder.

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James Cameron back from dive to world's deepest point

Mr Larrington
Flame

Re: Shooting in 3D of absolutely nothing and collecting no samples.

Apparently you CAN go lower, as another bloke called Cameron has demonstrated recently...

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Nepal asks for a leg-up to nail Everest's height

Mr Larrington
Stop

Re: GPS

Someone tried this a few years ago on K2 and came up with a result that made it higher than Everest. Then someone else had another go and found that K2 was, as had been long suspected, more than 800 feet lower than Chomolungma.

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Bone-bothering boffins build GIANT penguin from fossils

Mr Larrington
Happy

Peng Yay!

ISTR an episode of Steve Bell's "If", in which Reg Kipling described five-foot tall extinct penguins as resembling "Francis Pym dressed as a nun".

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Daniel Craig like Connery, Skyfall helmsman suggests

Mr Larrington
WTF?

Meh!

Daniel Craig is so wooden he makes Keanu Reeves look like Laurence Olivier.

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Kinect plus tablet control insane skateboard

Mr Larrington
WTF?

OK, but...

...why on earth does it have knobbly tyres?

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Opera's new store beams HTML5 apps into tellies

Mr Larrington
FAIL

Hmmm

If it means buying a new tellybox then forget it. TV years are pretty much the same as dog years - my old CRT job died aged 16 about a year ago.

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Foo Fighters gig goes seismic

Mr Larrington
Megaphone

Yay!

Rock and, moreover, roll!

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Alec Baldwin kicked off plane for playing with his phone

Mr Larrington
Flame

Speaking...

...as the "plank" who was the last passenger to board BA 219 on September 3rd this year, it was entirely the fault of the useless twunt at the check-in counter who issued me with a boarding card that directed me to entirely the wrong gate in entirely the wrong part of LHR T5. *And* my phone was switched off.

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System crash briefly grounds Qantas boarding passes

Mr Larrington
FAIL

If it's any consolation...

...a couple of months ago BA's automagical check-in system decided, in mid-process, to decline to acknowledge my existence. I therefore went to the organic version, who duly issued me with a boarding pass. Gate B67 at LHR T5. When I got there, I found a big shiny Boeing 747 loading passengers bound for Los Angeles, which was a more than minor inconvenience for someone who wanted to fly to Denver. Fortunately a nice and, crucially, competent BA employee was able to direct me to the correct aeroplane.

I was the last to board. "We've been waiting for you" said a member of the cabin crew, disapprovingly. I showed him my fatally flawed boarding pass. He was apologetic. I was apoplectic, though not to the extent that I'd consider using a US airline for next year's holibobs.

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Huge PDP-11 in a lorry: How I drove computers into schools

Mr Larrington
Thumb Up

PDP - Aaargh!

In my first job as a Babbage-Engine driver we had a PDP which was used for word processing, and also by the accounts/payroll bods. Being a curious type who wished to be a 1337 h@xx0r, I discovered that the WP files could be accessed from the command line and were easily legible on a VT100 once you'd stripped away the initial gibberish. After only a couple of months in IT I knew the entire company's salary structure, which was galling as the only person paid less than me was the Wee Work Experience Lackey.

Twenty-six years later to the day and I'm still driving VMS boxes.

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Reg man the most-flamed recruiter in the UK?

Mr Larrington
FAIL

That's as maybe...

...but an e-chum recently got a job spec from a Slave Trader. The employer wanted someone with four years experience of developing apps for the Jobsian Fondleslab. Yes, please DO ask yourself how long said device has been available in the UK. Then ask yourself how clueless a Slave Trader would have to be not to pick up on this.

When my last job went to India I got a copy of "my" CV from the HR Droids. It bore absolutely no resemblance to the document I'd sent to the Slave Traders some seven years previously and, while it didn't say I was fluent in spoken and written Xhosa, the rest of it was so full of outright Lie that I am mildly surprised that I'm not doing porridge for fraud. And this was not the first time that a Slave Trader has re-written my CV to make me appear to have l33t 5k1llz in an area of which I know little. Witness the embarrassing time when some chump sent me to an interview with $BIGCO. I had understood it was for a VMS BOFH position, so all of us were a bit put out when it turned out that they were actually looking for a RSTS system manager.

Get you own bloody house in order, Sarah Connor, before you start bitching at the people who, when all is said and done, pay your fucking salary, er, commission.

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Army to deploy jumping robots in Afghanistan

Mr Larrington
WTF?

Nothing new under the sun

The BRITISH Army developed a "jumping Jeep" in the 1960s, until someone realised that it was a total WOMBAT and canned it. You may read about it in volume 3 of Doug Nye's epic history of BRM and Dog, if you're reading, where the f*** is volume 4?

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Doctor Who and the Unsatisfactory Five Hole Tape Punch

Mr Larrington
Happy

Cloff!

"creations which are visually the product of the union of a commercial-size chest freezer and Metal Mickey."

Verity, dear heart, I require a new keyboard.

Mr Larrington

The Tower of Barad-Dûr

Harlow

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We like zombies… because we are zombies

Mr Larrington
WTF?

That George Romero, what a wag, eh?

Anyone bothered enough to write a paper about the image of the modern zombie should almost certainly be locked up for his own protection.

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'A prime example of our complete failure'

Mr Larrington
WTF?

Jobs got half an edition of R4's "Last Words" all to himself, while dmr didn't merit a mention at all.

Bah!

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Gutsy golf-club granny collars crim in Flying Squad bust

Mr Larrington
FAIL

I am speechless. Not one mention of The Sweeney?

Don't, Guv, 'e's not worth it.

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Boffins prove Queen ballad 'world's most catchy song'

Mr Larrington
Alert

Woo!

I am only familiar with half of their so-called "top" ten. I do not know whether to laugh or top myself.

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Ex-Microsofties' IE6 kill squad hits UK

Mr Larrington
Thumb Down

Is there a browser out there that ISN'T completely shit? IE6 was teh suxx0r in many respects, IE8 has two speeds (dead slow and completely wedged) and FF6 is even more reluctant to wake up in the morning than I am.

Also the GUI for Win7 sucks donkey balls.

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Scientists discover Tatooine-style world 200 lightyears off

Mr Larrington
FAIL

Wot?

No womp rats?

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God particle back in hiding

Mr Larrington
Megaphone

Re: And yet

@AC

Frankly I'm pleased the world wasn't sucked into an uncontrollable black hole. When they first switched on the LHC I was in the nearest equivalent of an uncontrollable black hole viz. Heathrow Terminal 5, and how embarrassing would it be to die while sitting on the floor[1] at T5.

1 - Because Lord bloody Rogers thought huge and no doubt architecturally significant areas of bugger-all were more aesthetically groovy than providing the weary traveller with somewhere to SIT DOWN. Grrrrrr!

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Ridley Scott confirmed for Blade Runner pre/sequel

Mr Larrington
WTF?

You decide

Out of order or BANG out of order?

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Range Rover Evoque Si4

Mr Larrington
WTF?

Mainstream motoring?

I'm obviously a skinflint, coz a car that can be specced up to the best part of forty-five grand doesn't sound very mainstream to me. also the involvement of Victoria Beckham should be enough to deter any right-minded person from buying this particular variety of wankpanzer.

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Dob in suspect blingy neighbours on Facebook, say cops

Mr Larrington
Big Brother

As if

Go to a FWSE.

Enter ' site:facebook.com "nobody likes a grass"'

Get 'About 1,140 results'

I'm not sure the polis have really thought this one through.

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MySpace vanishes $254m from News Corp coffers

Mr Larrington
Mushroom

How tragic

That is all.

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Sony distribution centre engulfed by fire

Mr Larrington
WTF?

Re: toxic smoke

The powers that be yesterday were advising people living to the south-east of the warehouse to stay inside and keep doors and windows closed. It's still chucking out enough smoke to be visible from over ten miles away, though the wind has changed direction.

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Dawn eyes Vesta's full-frontal charms

Mr Larrington
WTF?

Never mind the monolith...

...where's the blue string pudding?

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Intel CEO: 'Ultrabooks' will be 'holistic' success

Mr Larrington
Angel

Hmmm

The Boss of Intel UK was bigging thi sup on the telly this morning. Apparently it's like a fondleslab but better.

I remain unconvinced, terrible reactionary Luddite that I am.

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Ex–News International boss Brooks denies bribing cops

Mr Larrington
Holmes

Lies and Filth

I think that when RB says she didn't pay Plod for information, she means that she *personally* didn't go down to the Stab Vest & Truncheon with a brown envelope stuffed with tenners. I don't think she's denying that *someone* from the News of the Screws was putting a few "drinks" the rozzers' way.

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FBI probes claims of Murdoch 9/11 hack

Mr Larrington
FAIL

Please...

...let it be true. Then when I go on my holibobs, and spend much time in a motel where the lobby TV is permanently tuned to Faux News, I can put a Post-It on same, reading "Don't say we didn't warn you".

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Cameron backs public inquiry into NotW hacking claims

Mr Larrington
Big Brother

Lies & Filth

If Brooks is lying about knowing about this then she should be sacked for being a liar. If she isn't lying she should be sacked for being incompetent. As to the Met, it was not for nothing that the local plod during the miners' strike referred to them as "bananas".

Not sure why anyone would need more than one inquiry into the whole sorry business

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Digital Rupert’s bumper $545m loss

Mr Larrington
Thumb Up

Hurrah!

The thought of News Corp being done over for that much money makes me feel all warm inside.

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Brewer bashes Beeb over anti-beer bias

Mr Larrington
Pint

@IanPotter

As the poet[1] sang, Neil Morrisey's a knobhead.

1 - Half Man Half Biscuit's Nigel Blackwell, in "Bottleneck At Capel Curig", in case you're wondering...

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Tesco pricing cock-up provokes beer stampede

Mr Larrington
Unhappy

Eejits

A couple of years ago I snapped up a bottle of Bruichladdich from Tossco in Harlow. The tilldroid ran it past the scanner a Several of times, but The System refused to recognise it. A The Supervisor was called. She returned five minutes later.

"Computer says no" she informed me. "This whisky is not on the system".

I concluded that my removing the offending bottle from the store would not constitute theft, since they weren't selling it in the first place. Sadly the horriblemarket operatives didn't see it that way and in the end I had to fork out lots of money for a bottle of the Balvenie Doublewood instead.

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Brit expats aghast as Denmark bans Marmite

Mr Larrington
FAIL

Non-story

I'm confused. Is this story just a lie, just spin or a combination of the two?

Or is it just another example of the sorry excuses that pass for "news" outlets in this country publishing a load of bollocks without bothering to check the facts?

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Adam Curtis: The Rise of the Machines

Mr Larrington
FAIL

Sorry

After Ayn Rand started blathering on about her theory which is hers and belongs to her and seemed indistinguishable from Mr Crowley's "do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law" I'm afraid I got bored. Then we had some 1990s breadheads who named their children after Ayn Rand (which automatically destroys their right to be taken seriously) and sawn themselves as "Randian heroes" (I have not the words). It might have got better after that, but by then I'd lost the will to live and had started drinking heavily.

"The Power Of Nightmares" was utterly compelling. This is the opposite.

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BBC shifts some HD transmissions to 1080p...

Mr Larrington
FAIL

Here is how much difference it will make to me:

0.

I have a three month old Sony Bravia Turbo Nutter Bastard. Can it get BBC HD? Can it buggery. And I'd have a direct line of sight to Crystal Palace if there wasn't a tree in the way.

Bah!

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