Posts by Alistair
225 posts • joined Tuesday 31st July 2007 15:43 GMT
Alistair
OK I admit it → #
Posted Wednesday 10th June 2009 11:12 GMT
In Engineers are troublesome 'expert loners', says prof

I am a lazy egotistical loner. That's why I chose engineering as a career. I am a social misfit and a wierdo too and sometime I have poor personal hygiene. But I need to pay the mortgage and save up for my next car, so can I please keep the job I have already, without any extra team-working meetings and other boring time-wasting frustrations? No you can't play with my Lego.
Yes I am smarter than you, and if you want to know the answer to that great question "if you're so smart, how come you ain't rich?" its because my people skills are really very poor indeed!! (see above)
@Dave: Hey mate how are you doing?
Alistair
Restraint of trade → #
Posted Wednesday 3rd June 2009 13:40 GMT
In Murky world of recruitment gets DoJ probe
I believe its called. Basically such a contractual clause under UK law cannot be enforced because it seeks to restrict an individuals right to earn a living by plying his trade.
A basic principle of contract law is that terms which are unlawful cannot be enforced.
I may be wrong though
Alistair
Eurovulsion → #
Posted Tuesday 2nd June 2009 10:36 GMT
In Israeli TV star ordered execs beaten up
It seems a shame they are no longer allowed in the contest.
Alistair
They have hairdressers in London now? → #
Posted Friday 29th May 2009 14:09 GMT
In Audi working on electric R8?

I for one would welcome this development, as long as it is powered by a very cheap DC motor from a washing machine, and has pedals for when the cheap and heavy lead-acid battery runs flat.
OK four motors for the full '80s "Quattro" effect.
Alistair
sure we need it → #
Posted Friday 29th May 2009 12:00 GMT
In Sharp creates true-hue five-colours-per-pixel LCD

But we also need cameras that take a similarly inclusive approach to colour capture and rendition.
See what I did there with the terrist angle?
Alistair
Its not curiosity in my house → #
Posted Thursday 28th May 2009 13:53 GMT
In NASA explores 'Curiosity' for nuclear-powered Mars rover
Oh no. Its not curiosity that wakes me up every frickin' morning. Its the cat.
Alistair
Woo big long scary words → #
Posted Thursday 28th May 2009 13:07 GMT
In 'Supermodel' glow-in-the-dark pocket monkeys created

Inexorable? Vivisection? What does it all mean?
I for one would welcome our new easy-to-hunt dayglo prey animals. Mmm delicious juicy marmoset.
Ketchup on standby.
Alistair
Cactus with a hard hat → #
Posted Tuesday 26th May 2009 13:03 GMT
In Western Digital slips todger to horrified Brit
At least I think that's what it is.
I recognize the style, I think the artist almost certainly went to my school.
Alistair
@AC @squid guy → #
Posted Friday 22nd May 2009 14:38 GMT
In 'Thieving' sperm whale caught on CCTV

I would postulate that the distribution of size among the squid species may give a clue as to how big a squid needs to be before he becomes too much for your average sperm whale to snaffle. But WTF do I know?
Sorry to carp on ...
Alistair
Seems to me → #
Posted Tuesday 19th May 2009 15:21 GMT
In Charges against London tube tourist snapper thrown out

Very much like the complainant wasn't in fact the childs father, but rather an interfering busybody. When the police/CPO checked the evidence before the hearing, and detected his lie, they were faced with a possibly perjury or perverting the course of justice prosecution. Better to just let the matter drop.
Luckily Stavros Wassisnamiou will now be DNA fingerprinted.
God save us.
Alistair
Bravo! → #
Posted Tuesday 19th May 2009 15:21 GMT
In Final Hubble spacewalk done and dusted

Well done you clever and brave chaps.
Alistair
Dammit → #
Posted Thursday 7th May 2009 10:47 GMT
In Taser use still plateau'd among firearms cops

Looks like I'll have to step up my efforts to get a right royal electroshock tasering at the hands of plod.
Alistair
Qubit → #
Posted Thursday 7th May 2009 10:47 GMT
In Swedish couple demand right to name baby 'Q'

After the quantum-bit and the first recorded unit of length (about 52cm apparently).
Then your offspring has career opportunities in both IT and hip-hop.
Alistair
Please don't call it a "glitch" → #
Posted Thursday 30th April 2009 11:01 GMT
In Firefox finds more pesky bugs

El Reg, you are catching the beeb disease.
A glitch is a transient analogue phenomenon that effects electronic circuits. What the Firefox crew inserted is what's technically known as a bug. Although these days the term "pepperoni slice" would be more appropriate.
Please make better use of your NUJ-issue thesaurus.
Alistair
But it tastes great! → #
Posted Thursday 30th April 2009 11:01 GMT
In Koreans cook up glow-in-the-dark beagles

All we need now is glow-in-the-dark fermented cabbage.
Alistair
Superb! → #
Posted Thursday 30th April 2009 11:01 GMT
In Euro space 'scopes go for 14 May launch

A great bit of science there, well done ESA.
Fingers crossed for the launch, eh?
Alistair
@AC: 13:07 → #
Posted Wednesday 29th April 2009 14:04 GMT
In UK graduates face bleak future as teachers

We had two come through our company last year, one was a postgrad student and the other was starting on a DEng scheme, no less. They both left to go work for a "financial start-up" or some such. I wonder where they are now ..?
Sure enough, if I had been brought up to think that money is everything, if I owed tens of thousands after graduation instead of just a couple, and if derivatives trading was in the "in thing" in the early 90's, then I may have taken the same route. Instead of slogging my guts out in engineering.
Alistair
What a load of hot air → #
Posted Tuesday 28th April 2009 15:23 GMT
In DARPA at Phase 3 on solar powered surveillance strato-ship

But wait - could one of these, or a less futuristic but still blimp-based craft be used by our future pocket aircraft carriers as a badly needed airborne early-warning platform?
One has to hope so.
Paris because she recognizes a sitting duck when she sees one.
Alistair
Wasn't dere dat football manager now? → #
Posted Tuesday 28th April 2009 15:10 GMT
In Yorkshire man wakes up Irish after brain surgery

Sorry not into the hoofing game but I remember seeing this daft english football manager who had landed a job in Holland being interviewed by dutch TV - in english - and putting on a comedy-piss take dutch akshent for the benefit of the viewers! Goes to show the requirements for the job being a preemptive lobotomy. To be sure.
Alistair
Office politics → #
Posted Tuesday 28th April 2009 09:48 GMT
In Liquid crystals - Display genius no match for petty politics
Sure enough his career carried on fine after he'd left RCA.
From my impressions of working in American-run companies, all the managers are really interesting in is their own careers. Making themselves look good and avoiding any risk of being associated with failure are the orders of the day.
Alistair
As someone already said → #
Posted Friday 24th April 2009 14:50 GMT
In Supersonic stealth jumpjet passes hover thrust test
We still need an airborne radar platform. Without that its too dangerous to send any planes up anyway.
Alistair
Separation of gubmint and hard working taxpayers → #
Posted Friday 24th April 2009 10:34 GMT
In Ireland scraps evoting in favour of 'stupid old pencils'

How often journos cast one against the other. Its either "the taxpayer is going to have to bail out the gubmint" or vice-versa. Of course creating a conflict like this makes the story a lot more interesting.
We are all in the same car, and there is limited choice over which direction we can take or how hard we press the accelerator pedal to the metal. Its just that every four years or so we get to choose which of the two drivers sits at the controls.
Alistair
I refuse to call them "consultants" → #
Posted Friday 24th April 2009 10:14 GMT
In Gov figures show IT jobs crisis

Those recruitment people are to blame and no they're not "recruitment consultants" any more than bookies are "turf accountants". They are employment agents. I seriously regret ever having put my career in the hands of these fly-by-night shysters.
And just because a job is advertised, doesn't mean the job exists.
Alistair
The road ahead → #
Posted Wednesday 22nd April 2009 13:44 GMT
In MS opens kimono on Windows 7 security features

So does Windaz-7 usher in the new age of ubiquitous 64-bit secure computing?
No, I thought not. Paris because she has a better grasp of things to come
Alistair
Six million dollar man → #
Posted Thursday 9th April 2009 14:22 GMT
In DARPA gives Cal Tech boffin $6m 'to save Moore's Law'

You can make me one if you want - just give me six million dollars and I'll make up any crap that you want me to make up.
Yes redundancy as we call it is already used in memory chip manufacture. During factory test, the broken memory lines/towers/arrays are swapped out for spare ones by setting one-time-programmable switches on the chip. It increases the yield (percentage of chips on a wafer that work) so even though it decreases the number of chips per wafer (because each one is a big bigger than it would be without redundancy), it maximizes the number of working chips produced for a given wafer cost.
Mines the one with the matching cleanroom booties, ta.
Alistair
I could do with some new vibrations → #
Posted Thursday 9th April 2009 11:00 GMT
In Russian schoolgirl invents inertioid-driven Venus rover

I for one would welcome our new indigo aura enabled overlords.
Alistair
I'll buy that for a dollar → #
Posted Wednesday 8th April 2009 22:12 GMT
In Ad watchdog gives thumbs up for female TV orgasms

But I thought that love was all you need ..?
Alistair
But seriously folks → #
Posted Wednesday 8th April 2009 15:31 GMT
In Can't get a job? Try plastic surgery

Makes a funny story but think about it, faced with a dozen sharp-dressed final round candidates, which would you select, the chubby ugly slob or the Tony Curtis lookalike? Nobody ever got fired for hiring a "stunna".
From experience in the job market of a few years back, I believe you may be able to increase your chances in this shallow image-obsessed world by going on a diet.
As for me, I'd rather be fat and idle
Alistair
@H Kaker → #
Posted Tuesday 7th April 2009 16:17 GMT
In EC blasts mobile masts away from schools and hospitals

Your crippled logic is clearly not up to the task of understanding mobile telephone systems or radio wave propagation physics. The Sh!t you refer to is in fact very weak EM radiation, that cannot affect living tissue in any way known to science apart from the absorption heating effect, and that is too weak to be either measurable or feasibly harmful.
Just trust us that know, its safe, okay?
Alistair
That guy who died in the demonstrations last week → #
Posted Tuesday 7th April 2009 15:55 GMT
In Photocops: Home Office concedes concern

I just think its somewhat ironic that the Met are asking if anyone managed to photograph that poor fellow who died of a heart attack after being caught up in the heavy-handed policing of last weeks peaceful demonstrations.
It would have been illegal to take a photograph of the police stomping him to death.
Alistair
Boffin FAIL → #
Posted Tuesday 7th April 2009 15:55 GMT
In Boffin: Titan moon largely made of LPG, not cheese
I can understand there being some excitement in extraterrestrial planetary boffin circles over results from Cassini/Huygens but this one seems to have shot his bolt early.
Any liquid on the surface will be subject to the same gravitation and rotation as the rest of the body, same as on Earth, so will not adopt a different shape.
Alistair
If only ... → #
Posted Tuesday 7th April 2009 15:52 GMT
In Motorola spends $216m on money-saving job cuts
If only they could have made a phone that actually charges the battery when you plug the effing thing in to the adapter! Then I would have got another.
Alistair
Lets try to avoid stirring up hysteria, please → #
Posted Friday 3rd April 2009 14:00 GMT
In Ofcom gets puffed out over wind turbines

I'd prefer this article if it had not used the word "safe" in the leading paragraph. Many of the less-well technically educated masses who naturally fear the things they don't understand, are very scared of microwaves. And wind turbines. Would be better if you just mentioned the risk of screwing up the microwave links.
Secondly, I thought those things used composite blades? Perhaps this should be mandatory.
And finally @Luther, you have just failed the Turing test.
Alistair
In other news from New Scientist → #
Posted Wednesday 1st April 2009 10:04 GMT
In Bondage bonzer for bonding, beam boffins

The Newsci hacks can in fact reveal that bears defecate in the woods and that the pontiff is catholic.
Its true because they read it in someone else's report on an internet forum that quoted someone's press release. Allegedly.
Alistair
Is this the new Fireblade? → #
Posted Tuesday 31st March 2009 19:39 GMT
In Honda creates thought-controlled android

I for one welcome - oh stuff this I'm off on my bike. See ya!
Alistair
Clearing mines etc → #
Posted Tuesday 31st March 2009 15:51 GMT
In Israelis' invulnerable, 60-tonne robot bulldozer force to double
More like bulldozing refugee camps while the occupants are still inside. Nice one IDF.
Alistair
I think its fine → #
Posted Tuesday 31st March 2009 15:03 GMT
In Playboy TV offers 'Jacq off' special package

As long as he has to pay tax and NI contributions on his masturbatory material.
Alistair
Geoff Hoon → #
Posted Tuesday 31st March 2009 14:54 GMT
In Westminster forced to switch off digital CCTV cameras

This is an example why he's not allowed to play with the armed forces anymore.
Jeez you poor Laarndarnarrs having to pay to park your bikes.
Smirking smiley overruled by the famous bike herself
Alistair
EVO-10000xAA → #
Posted Wednesday 25th March 2009 16:54 GMT
In Isle of Man e-bike trial loses racers

Seems odd to think that an electric battery powered race bike would look anything like a '90s superbike.
I much prefer the feet-forward bike!
Alistair
I like it → #
Posted Wednesday 25th March 2009 16:40 GMT
In Samsung B2700 Bound rugged mobile phone

Its a basic phone that will last.
And I like the sexy name.
Will Jennifer Tilley get one?
Alistair
People hate it → #
Posted Monday 23rd March 2009 16:37 GMT
In Emotional arguments do not make Street View illegal

When you take photographs of them in the street.
What are you doing? What are you going to do with the pictures? Etc.
Then if they can't come up with a valid or real reason for you not to take their picture, such as being on private land such as a shopping mall, they will accuse you of all sorts of things.
Its just a basic defensive response, to something they/we don't understand. The Dilbert Principle in action, if you will.
Paris because everyone's seen a photograph of her street
Alistair
Phased plasma rifle in the 40 Watt range → #
Posted Thursday 19th March 2009 12:11 GMT
In Hefty 'battle strength' electro-laser breaks 100kW barrier

As any fule kno, lasers are not the weapon of choice for our future exoskeleton-enabled death-dispensing overlords. What they need are plasma beams, disruptor arrays or even photon torpedoes.
Rest assured my fellow meatsack underlings, we are safe for the time being.
Alistair
Been tried before → #
Posted Thursday 19th March 2009 11:38 GMT
In Jaguar-Land Rover to develop F1-style energy recovery tech

The flywheel type of KERS has been tried before in busses and so on. It sort of works but you need a big heavy flywheel running very fast to be any good, which makes it both expensive and difficult to use, and the added weight puts it at a disadvantage.
Maybe it can be made to work better with some very clever computer controls that those F1 transmission jonnies have proven themselves so good at.
But surely the best way forward is to have electrical (battery) storage for recovered kinetic energy in an electric/hybrid vehicle.
Alistair
Shame on you El Reg → #
Posted Thursday 19th March 2009 11:31 GMT
In ISS space bio-experiment freezer to return on Discovery

You obviously never served time in one of our fine higher education establishments. If you had you would have known how the contents of your average student house fridge can mutate, over time, into the most hideously deformed and unidentifiable biological waste of the lowest order.
Mines the one with my name stitched into the laundry label by my mum ..
Alistair
Jack Johnson → #
Posted Monday 16th March 2009 15:00 GMT
In Right-wing Oz politico in nude snaps rumpus

I was wondering what he's been up to recently.
Unless thats another euphemism.
Alistair
"Wrath of the Lich King" → #
Posted Monday 16th March 2009 15:00 GMT
In China bars WoW expansion for showing bone

I think their problem stems chiefly not from the gratuitous showing of skeletal remains, but rather from the very idea that a rich foreign ruler might possess metal-turning equipment.
Mines the one with the measuring spanner in the top front pocket.
Alistair
Ringtones and all that → #
Posted Friday 13th March 2009 16:43 GMT
In Ofcom slaps Bristol radio for uncoolness

Is there anything recorded in the last few years that has been anything more than a ringtone?
How can the company survive if they are condemned to playing the trash that masquerades as music these days?
Although, I've been told that the Saturdays are rather hot at the moment
Alistair
Goalkeeper → #
Posted Friday 13th March 2009 16:42 GMT
In ISS crew flees flying space junk
Your best approach is a divide-and-conquer solution.
1) big things: track them continuously and take evasive manouvers^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H action
2) medium things: pray
3) small things: vaporize on final approach
So that's one out of three covered so far.
Of course, we could just give up on manned space flight.
Alistair
All Aussies → #
Posted Friday 13th March 2009 14:49 GMT
In Jungle Jane pump-and-dumper claims 'pretty healthy' sex life

They all claim to have marvellous sex lives. Have you ever met one who hasn't?
I wouldn't mind so much if they didn't keep banging on about it.
Alistair
Should've stuck it further up → #
Posted Friday 13th March 2009 13:30 GMT
In ISS crew flees flying space junk

So they are tracking the bigger than 10cm objects. That's not to say that a 1cm or even 1mm chunk of alloy traveling at 20,000mphs won't give them a seriously bad day.
Paris because, well its Friday okay? Do I need a proper reason?