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* Posts by Joe User

354 posts • joined 30 Jul 2007

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El Reg's Deep Outback XP upgrade almost foiled by KILLER ARACHNIDS

Joe User
Happy

Willowra, such a lovely place

What, no mention of Mad Max or Aunty Entity?

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Joe User

Solution for the Java update nags

Disable SunJavaUpdateSched (jusched.exe). No more nagging about updates, but you'll have to remember to do them yourself from time-to-time.

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What did you see, Elder Galaxies? What made you age so quickly?

Joe User
Headmaster

Correction

Make that "there are some things even science can't explain -- yet".

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UK's CASH POINTS to MISS Windows XP withdrawal date

Joe User

Re: NCR

"The banks mainly use Windows because of the excellent remote management offered which isn't/or wasn't until recently available for Linux."

I don't know which rock you've been living under, but Linux has had remote management in various forms for a _long_ time.

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Joe User

Re: "realised the capital cost of paying for the existing ATMs"

And having ATMs cuts down on the number of customers coming into the banks' offices, which reduces the number of tellers needed. This saves the banks a lot of money, but apparently they don't factor that into the equation....

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Florida bloke cuffed for pit bull shag outrage

Joe User

Re: Those eyes! They will give me nightmares...

Clearly a Marty Feldman wanna-be.

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Fee fie Firefox: Mozilla's lawyers probe Dell over browser install charge

Joe User
Flame

Re: Are they blond?

what should happen if a customer totally incapable of doing this for themselves

If someone is "totally incapable" of installing a simple package like Mozilla Firefox, their fingers should be sewn together, and they should be promoted to manager.

£16.25 to install Firefox is outrageous and Dell knows it....

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HTML is a sexually transmitted disease, say many Americans

Joe User

Re: Bozhe moi...

I thought that yottabytes only attacked little green people....

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Aargh! My EYEBALLS are MELLLTING! Curse this DEVIL LAPTOP

Joe User

In other words...

The gist of these studies: Don't let your mice use your laptop all day long.

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Toshiba opens curtains, reveals air-cushioned 5-terabyte terror

Joe User
Devil

Re: My instant erase procedure

1. Take hard drive to target range.

2. Place drive at 30-meter mark.

3. Blow several holes in drive using high-velocity rifle.

"Gee, there seems to be a few gaps in your data...."

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Dell staffers head for exit armed with redundo cheques

Joe User
Trollface

Be careful what you wish for. . .

You might just get it.

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Microsoft's new CEO: The technology isn't his problem

Joe User

Re: Simple advice for Nadella

Windows 7 versus Windows 8 isn't a horse versus car comparison, it's car versus car. In Win 8, Microsoft rearranged the pedals and put the steering wheel in front of the passenger's seat. Not an improvement in my book (and many other peoples', judging from the lackluster sales).

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Joe User
Megaphone

Simple advice for Nadella

Give customers what they want, not what you think they should buy, and your sales will improve. (Yes, I'm talking about Windows 8.)

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Gene boffins: Yes, you. Staring at the screen. You're a NEANDERTHAL

Joe User

Re: Define extinction

Those African humans had interbred with other human ancestors, so there really is no such thing as "pure" human.

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US card scammers pull $2m petrol heist

Joe User

Re: If found guilty

My vote:

- Northern jail in the winter, with no heat.

- Southern jail in the summer, with no air conditioning.

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Walking while texting can – OUCH! – end badly, say boffins

Joe User

The dangers of texting while walking

Because those indoor fountains are so hard to see:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mg11glsBW4Y

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Boffins find ALIEN WORLD orbiting the Sun's LONG LOST TWIN

Joe User

Lack of planets in star clusters

They're trying to figure out if there's something different about planet formation in clusters that would explain why so few worlds have been spotted in them.

Gravitational disturbances from the other relatively near-by stars?

Lack of material due to it being absorbed by the abundance of stars in the cluster?

Just my 2 cents' worth....

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Top patent troll sues US regulators for interfering with its business

Joe User

Re: re: re: leave Waco

And a steak knife is a bayonet, too....

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Intel shutters BRAND NEW chip factory as PC market storm rages

Joe User

Re: Desktops aren't dead, they're just resting!

Cue the "bring out your dead" scene from "Monty Python and the Holy Grail".

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Mountain bike mishap man suffers SEVEN WEEK stiffie

Joe User

Re: How on earth...

Seriously. I don't know how he managed to last 7 days, let alone 7 weeks....

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Microsoft to RIP THE SHEETS off Windows 9 aka 'Threshold' in April

Joe User

Re: Will anyone still care?

And sysadmin stress test....

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Dell will AXE up to ONE IN THREE workers in its US & EMEA sales teams

Joe User
Headmaster

Re: New Dell motto

"Pink slip" as in "slip of paper". Termination notices are usually printed on pink paper in the U.S.A.

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Joe User
Trollface

New Dell motto

Dude, you're getting a pink slip!

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Antarctic ice shelf melt 'lowest EVER recorded, global warming is NOT eroding it'

Joe User

Re: Point 3

As for nuclear power plants, if they are so safe why can't we all have one in our homes?

For the same reasons that you can't have a massive coal-fired power station in your home:

1. It won't fit.

2. The economy of scale is back-asswards for one house.

3. You couldn't afford to buy one, no matter what the payback period is like.

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Sensation: Chinese Jade Rabbit FOUND ON MOON

Joe User
Trollface

Re: Most

If that were so, kudos to them for their budget control.

But when it gets a BSOD, who's going to press the Reset button?

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Mexican Cobalt-60 robbers are DEAD MEN, say authorities

Joe User

Re: Darwin award

The Darwin Award has been amended to include people who survive but render themselves incapable of breeding. This dose of radiation should qualify one way or the other.

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World's OLDEST human DNA found in leg bone – but that's not the only boning going on...

Joe User

One possibility

It’s already known that there was some interbreeding between the groups, but the new results beg the question of how an early Spanish human ended up with Siberian DNA.

Traveling salesmen?

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'Copyrighted' Java APIs deserve same protection as HARRY POTTER, Oracle tells court

Joe User
WTF?

Re: This is a tough one...

When they have both finished they leave their respective rooms and hand in their work.

Its the same.

Fat chance of that. Unless the assignment was very simple, their code will not be the same.

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Beijing leans on Microsoft to maintain Windows XP support

Joe User

Re: Unusual Case.

Linux is older than XP and no one would call it prehistoric.

But Linux isn't a decrepit pile of code like XP.

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Bold Bezos aims skywards with liquid hydrogen and SPACE ROCKET engine

Joe User

Burning hydrogen versus kerosene

One big benefit: the result is just steam (albeit very hot).

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Accused Glasshole driver says specs weren't even turned on for traffic stop

Joe User
Trollface

Re: Not guilty plea for 80 in a 65

A common problem when playing GTA while driving....

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Native Americans were actually European - BEFORE the Europeans arrived!

Joe User
FAIL

Re: Columbus?

"Christopher Columbus: Couldn't figure out where he was going, no clue where he was, and he did it on borrowed money. Now THERE'S an American hero!"

Columbus was an Italian, working for Spain. Try opening your history book before opening your mouth....

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The ZOD FILES: Climate documents from 2007 'must stay SECRET'

Joe User
Megaphone

Cue Jack Nicholson: "You can't handle the truth!"

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Dark HEAVY METAL star fires up jets, vomits hot ROCK into space

Joe User

Re: nickel-56, amirite?

"but why does it jet out like that?"

Maybe it's doing a Mister Creosote impersonation: "I need a bucket!"

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Hyenas FACEBOOK each other with their ARSES: FACT

Joe User

"Depositing" information

"The sour-smelling signals relay reams of information for other animals to read," said Kevin Theis, an MSU postdoctoral researcher.

The primary message being "My arse needs a wash."

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Galaxy is CRAMMED with EARTH-LIKE WORLDS – also ALIENS (probably)

Joe User
Alien

Re: Cool..but also oddly disturbing

Therefore we are the first, or among the first.

Says you, buddy.

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Brew me up, bro: 11-year-old plans to make BEER IN SPACE

Joe User
Trollface

A possible sponsor

Make it Anheuser-Busch; then they can jettison the batch of Budweiser out the airlock (where it belongs).

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Bill Gates: Yes, Ctrl-Alt-Del salute was a MISTAKE

Joe User
Megaphone

Ignore the obvious choice

"Guy who did IBM keyboard design didn't want to give us our single button."

Was there something wrong with using the SysRq (System Request) key? It was the obvious choice, and that key has been around since the PC/AT days.

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Possessed baby monitor shouts obscenities at Texas tot

Joe User

Re: British or European

In the particular case of accents, a British accent is very distinct from a European one, so this Texan is very confused.

Considering that many Europeans learn to speak English with a British accent, the confusion is understandable.

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NASA plots Chelyabinsk plume

Joe User
FAIL

Re: Rare but deadly

The only defense we currently have is our nuclear ICBM arsenals.

Some asteroids are solid lumps of rock/metal, and others are essentially huge rubble piles. Hit one with a nuke and you're likely to get hundreds of (now radioactive) meteors raining down on your head.

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Foxconn mulls solar panels, sticking Apple where sun doesn't shine

Joe User
Flame

Quality control

I hope that the quality of Foxconn's solar panels is better than the quality of the motherboards that they make for Dell. I'm getting really tired of replacing all the bad capacitors....

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Chinese Apple suppliers face toxic heavy metal water pollution charges

Joe User
Devil

As long as you remembered to bribeincentivize the right public officials....

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SAP boss cops jail time plea after Lego barcode bust

Joe User
FAIL

Re: Burden of Proof

But this trove wasn't considered in Langenbach's plea bargain, nor were the 194 items he had listed on eBay at the time of his arrest, since the police couldn't prove that the items were fraudulently purchased.

Did it not occur to the police to check the boxes in his house for home-made bar codes? That would be a dead giveaway that the items were fraudulently purchased.

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Big blue Avatar movie spawns THREE SEQUELS

Joe User
Thumb Down

Re: Target Audience?

"Avatar" meets "Twilight"? Oh, now that's just f-ing brilliant....

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Silicon Valley Cisco reseller charged with $37 million fraud

Joe User
Coat

Dang! I thought no one would notice!

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Jackboot dangled over NSA's throat for US spy dragnet outrage

Joe User
Thumb Up

Are you now arguing that they should do the same again?

On the contrary: Representative Amash is trying to undo a previous blunt-force approach.

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Middle America pulls up sagging pants menace, belts repeat offenders

Joe User
Headmaster

Re: love the USofA

Gotta love those morales.

What does Morales have to do with this? He doesn't wear sagging pants.

(Learn how to spell, you dolt.)

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Darth Vader's old gaff awaits exogorth desert DUNE DOOM

Joe User

A word from Mother Nature

I have altered the terms of your lease. Pray I do not alter them further.

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T-Rex tooth find shows dino may have been a pussy

Joe User

T-Rex may have been a pussy?

Let's see you snap off a tooth in the back of a deer and then go on to kill it....

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How the clammy claws of Novell NetWare were torn from today's networks

Joe User

Re: What destroyed Netware.. Perfect Office!!

didn't they buy Word Perfect?

Yes. Novell bought WordPerfect in June 1994 and sold it to Corel in January 1996.

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