* Posts by Martin Maloney

296 publicly visible posts • joined 28 Jul 2007

Page:

Model S selling better than expected, says Tesla

Martin Maloney
Boffin

Quiz

1. Burn petroleum, to boil water, to produce steam, to turn a turbine, attached to a generator, to feed the electric grid, which loses 25% due to resistance, to charge batteries in an electric car.

2. Burn petroleum in a car engine.

Which is more efficient?

In cold weather:

1. Pump warm air from a petrol engine's cooling system to heat the car's interior.

2. Pump warm air from a battery-powered electric heater to heat the car's interior.

Which is more efficient?

Here's the $4.99 utility that might just have saved Windows 8

Martin Maloney
Linux

The end of XP?

Does anyone really believe that the average home user of XP will care about the end of XP support in April next year?

Will they even notice? After all, the end of XP support doesn't mean that XP will self destruct, Mr. Phelps.

Those fanbois who are dreaming that the end of XP support will start a stampede to Linux are just that -- dreaming.

(BTW, I'm not knocking Linux. I switched to Linux Mint four years ago. I just don't fantasize that "the year of the Linux desktop" will ever arrive.)

Big Windows updates may ship this summer – and every summer

Martin Maloney
FAIL

Am I out of touch? [guffaw]

"If Microsoft can switch Windows to a similar release model, the whole concept of a Windows 8, followed by a Windows 9 and an eventual Windows 10, could disappear. Instead, the product would simply be Windows, with Blue being just the first of many major upgrades."

If I'm reading this right, it means that people who decided to pass on Windows 8, hoping that Microsoft would come to their senses and ditch not-Metro, when they released Windows 9, are out of luck.

It sounds like "Windows 8 Forever!"

Don't like your cell network? Legal unlocking ends TONIGHT in US

Martin Maloney
Trollface

Correction

"...under last October's reinterpretation (sic) of the US Digital Millennium Copyright Act..."

"...under last October's misinterpretation of the US Digital Millennium Copyright Act..."

There -- fixed it for you.

Sock-wielding movie pirates go to prison

Martin Maloney
Facepalm

Re: You folks don't get it

"'Collecting them' isnt (sic) illegal. Only distributing them."

The only way to collect them is to download them, and downloading them is illegal.

Sheesh!

Martin Maloney
Pirate

You folks don't get it

The fact that the viewing quality of camera-captured movies stinks doesn't matter.

On the providing end, it is a matter of bragging rights -- make that "bragging rites." There is competition among the various pirate groups for first release. Then there is further competition about (what passes for) quality.

On the consuming end, it is a game, comparing, by skimming through, the (lack of) quality of subsequent releases by subsequent pirate groups of the same movie. It's a hobby, mostly for tweeners and teens, collecting pirated movie releases, like other people collect stamps or commemorative plates. The fact that they're breaking the law adds to the mystique.

Only the most brain-dead freetard would actually watch such bilge rather then paying money to see the film at a theater.

Prosecuting the pirates is the same old scam as always. It's based on the myth that piracy costs the studios money in lost ticket sales.

Ig Nobels 2012: Physics of ponytails, chimp arse-cognition and more

Martin Maloney
Coat

Although they were all hilarious...

...the prize in medicine nearly made me, er, bust a gut!

Smack your phones up, says Microsoft

Martin Maloney
Coat

Is it April 1 already?

el reg editor's to-do list:

1) Firmly grasp readers' collective leg

2) Pull really really really hard

New guide: Bake your own Raspberry Pi Lego-crust cluster

Martin Maloney
Coat

Why do I always have to be the one?

Q: What do you say to someone who is trying to steal your Raspberry Pi cluster?

A: Lego!

NASA reports first sighting of dry ice Martian snowfalls

Martin Maloney
Coat

[BOO-HISS]

"Let's go write our names in the snow"

Urine trouble for suggesting that.

Dawn probe slips Vesta's grip, heads for icy dwarf planet

Martin Maloney
Coat

I just can't help it, folks

Until Dawn went roamin', Vesta was a virgin.

Designer punked fanbois with asymmetric screw

Martin Maloney
Coat

Why did anyone believe this hoax?

There was something obviously, erm, screwy about it.

(Well, somebody had to say it!)

Giant idol 'STRUCK DOWN by the Wrath of God' unearthed in Turkey

Martin Maloney
Coat

The reason for God's Judgment on Assyria

An idol's hands are the Devil's workshop.

Girls tricked by STEAMY message: Webcam spyware student jailed

Martin Maloney
Coat

Be honest, guys

When you read this story, didn't you at least crack a smile?

Windows 8: We kick the tyres on Redmond's new tablet wheels

Martin Maloney
Trollface

Windows 8 is so bad...

...that people won't even bother to pirate it!

Stanford boffins create light-powered artificial retina

Martin Maloney
Coat

Biblical justice

Yes, folks -- an eye for an eye.

Ten... freeware gems for new PCs

Martin Maloney
Go

What about PowerDesk?

OK, it's not free, although it is, right now, on a promotion:

http://www.mydigitallife.info/avanquest-powerdesk-pro-7-free-download-with-registration-license-code/

You can get either version 7 or 8 -- or both. They will email you a license.

It's a file manager, a file finder, an archiver and even an FTP program.

I've used it since version 2.x on Win 3.1, and I consider it essential.

Jolly rogered

Martin Maloney
Coat

Politically-incorrect dictionary entry

pedophile -- a hard drive record of your daily walking outings

Sorry, Brtis -- that's the US spelling.

Lenovo forced to expand 'flaming' PC recall

Martin Maloney
Coat

Even more frightening

Imagine how dangerous a Lenovo blade server could be!

(Why do I always have to be the one?)

Austrian village considers a F**king name change

Martin Maloney
Coat

Re: My name is Fuch, and I'm from Wandel & Goltermann Inc

That's just too Fuching Much!

Death Star dinosaur aliens could rule galaxy

Martin Maloney
Coat

Re: No way could a T-Rex fly a spaceship.

And thus their spaceships would become (I should be ashamed) Tyrannosaurus wrecks?

IT urine bandit fired and charged

Martin Maloney
Coat

Yeah, I'm doin' it again

That's what the IT department gets for hiring a Whiz Kid!

Condom compartment hidden in iPhone case

Martin Maloney
Coat

Well, somebody had to post this

"The Register is making inquiries to learn if the Playa can cope with common condom sizes, namely Huge, Gigantic, Colossal and Enormous. ®"

con-do-min-i-um [kon-duh-min-ee-uhm]

noun

the smallest size

High school student expelled for dropping F-bomb in tweet

Martin Maloney
Happy

Re: Seems he was inspired.....

You missed "cunt."

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/cunt?s=t

Americans resort to padlocking their dumb meters

Martin Maloney
Big Brother

Giving the electric company remote control

Dumb meter: You don't pay your bill, and the electric company sends someone out to disconnect your power.

Smart meter: Someone else doesn't pay his bill, and someone at the electric company hits a wrong key on a keyboard, and your power is turned off.

Dumb meter: The electric company monitors and records your total electric use during each billing period.

Smart meter: The electric company monitors and records your electric usage continuously.

If you still don't get it, then watch "Brazil" and read/watch "1984."

Sick of Ubuntu's bad breath? Suck on a Linux Mint instead

Martin Maloney
Flame

Wrong, Anonymous Coward!

You and the article's author both got it wrong.

All that you have to do is visit linuxmint.com's download section, and you'll discover that you can download it as either a DVD or a CD. The page explicitly states that the CD version doesn't include the restricted multimedia components.

And yes, I get pissed, when people are too lazy to do their own research and spout off misinformation.

Pay attention, 007: Wi-Fi cufflinks perfect for a spy

Martin Maloney
Coat

Why do I always have to be the one?

(Overheard office pissing contest)

"Oh, yeah, that's nothin'. My cuff links to..."

'Space Monkey' craze: Texan students 'get high' by choking each other

Martin Maloney
Coat

OK, OK, so it's an old one

Stu and Artie are loitering outside their local A&P. To break the boredom, Stu challenges his friend -- "I'll give you a dollar to choke the next three blokes who come by."

Artie puts the first guy into a choke hold, snaps his windpipe, and the guy falls to the ground, dead. The same with the next two.

An outraged citizen calls the cops, who arrest the assailant.

The headline in the next morning's paper read, "Artie chokes three for a dollar at A&P."

Record numbers of readers flock to The Register

Martin Maloney
Trollface

I hate to break it to you folks...

...however, the readership stats have nothing to do with the quality of the articles on El Reg.

Rather, it is the increasing level of sophistication of the puns in the comments that is attracting your audience.

If you don't understand what I'm talking about, then get thee to a punnery!

Modeling-clay iPads foisted on unwary Canucks

Martin Maloney
Coat

If you use a credit/debit card...

...does that make it a cashless Clay boxing match?

Pirate Bay dropping torrents after magnetic attraction

Martin Maloney
Coat

Wow -- 64 comments thus far!

Postings about P2P file sharing always come in torrents, don't they?

Martin Maloney
Devil

A different perspective

I see it as coming from the Puritan work ethic standpoint. That is, it's immoral to get anything for free.

Whether it's P2P ifle sharing or copying computer program disks or movie DVDs or using a box to decrypt cable TV or satellite TV, it's all the same: We should have to pay for anything that we get.

It's not about lost revenue -- it's about morality. That's why rational arguments on either side of the so-called piracy issue never go anywhere -- they are irrelevant.

What the opponents of so-called piracy are really saying is that it is a sin, and that so-called pirates are sinners.

Tiny frog claimed as smallest vertebrate ever

Martin Maloney
Coat

Yes, I should be ashamed

Miss Piggy's phone rings, and she picks it up.

"[cough cough cough] I'm sorry -- I had a frog in my throat."

Cops cuff rectal shoplifter

Martin Maloney
Coat

When the cops confronted the thief...

...did they order, "Blow it out your ass?"

This reminded me of the old one about the nurse who shoved a thermometer up between her legs and rectum.

'Mobiles bake men's balls' bog ad is cobblers - new ruling

Martin Maloney
Coat

Sensible advice

When evaluating something like that "don't fry your balls with your mobe" poster, check to see if the information is sourced. If it's not, then it is probably bogus.

By applying this simple standard, one should always be able to telephony.

Boffins drill into human language by terrifying chimps with vipers

Martin Maloney
Coat

This one is even worse

boffin [bof-in]

noun

1. one who bofs.

boff [bof]

verb

1. to cause to be overcome with laughter.

Martin Maloney
Coat

My puns are the pits

vi-per [vahy-per]

noun

1. one who vipes.

Brussels: Water cannot be sold as remedy for dehydration

Martin Maloney
Facepalm

Get it right

It's hydrogen hydroxide -- HOH -- not di-hydrogen monoxide -- H2O, although the YouTube video to which you alluded was funny.

Record flight is step toward HYPERSONIC SPACE AIRSHIP

Martin Maloney
Devil

Why has everyone else missed this?

Every new technology is immediately glommed onto by the military/security state.

Forget for a moment using it as a platform for launching rockets. Rather, think in terms of using fleets of these units instead of orbiting surveillance satellites over a nation's own territory and also over the open seas. (Perish the thought that one country would violate another country's air space, right?)

Cameras, radio receivers and other sensors at 100,000 feet would be far smaller and lighter in weight than equivalent devices on a geostationary satellite at ~23,000 miles. They could be launched on a just-in-time basis. Without the need for a ground-launched rocket and a launch facility, they would be dirt cheap, too.

The total surveillance world is about to gain a "neat" new enabling toy.

("The spawn of satan" icon is appropriate, right?")

Big Apple fake Apple stores agree to rat out suppliers

Martin Maloney
Alert

None dare call it fascism

That's the section of the story that clicked for me, too.

The legal way would be for a law enforcement agency to go to a court for a warrant. Apple employees/agents would then be deputized to accompany law enforcement, for the purpose of identifying the contraband for law enforcement to seize.

This isn't an isolated incident. Apple has done this at least once before. Moreover, employees/agents of a certain GMO firm are trespassing on and seizing crops from private farms, without following legal requirements.

Corporations are behaving as law enforcement agencies. The USA has become a corporatocracy.

Christ appears in phone advert, secular authorities act

Martin Maloney
Coat

Well, somebody had to say it

Isn't it obvious?

What prompted Phones4u to run that ad was, erm, the prophet motive.

Brit men descend from mammoth hunters, not farmers

Martin Maloney
Coat

Diarrhea is hereditary

It runs in the jeans.

(And there's no mystery about the dispersal point.)

Greyhound spatters Nashville with semen

Martin Maloney
Trollface

I hate to be a language usage Nazi...

...however...

"The load in question was travelling between Columbus, Ohio and a breeding facility in Laredo, Texas..."

...should read...

"The LOADS in question WERE travelling between Columbus, Ohio and a breeding facility in Laredo, Texas..."

Oxford adds woot! to dictionary

Martin Maloney
Paris Hilton

@ Anonymous IV

I infer that you've never experienced looser.

Believe me, looser is definitely a loser.

Martin Maloney
Coat

Not the other word

The vowels are A E I O U and sometimes W and Y. That's why I disqualified "cwm."

If you wagered that the other one was "cwm," given that you lost, would you Welsh on the bet?

Martin Maloney
Headmaster

Oops!

OK, I missed "sh" and "ch." The others, though, use "y" as a vowel, thus they don't qualify as being composed entirely of consonants.

You missed "nth," although one could make a case that the "n" functions [chortle] as a vowel.

"Tsk" to both of us.

Martin Maloney
Trollface

tsk

1) One of the two words that you can play in Scrabble, when all that you have is consonants.

2) An interjection, used to express contempt for comments that don't meet your own high standards.

PETA to launch .xxx smut site 'to help animals'

Martin Maloney
Facepalm

Reviving the antiwar movement

Given that we're getting nowhere, marching, blogging, writing letters to congress critters about the obscene loss of human life in our wars in Afghanistan, Iraq, Pakistan, Yemen, Somalia, etc...

Perhaps someone could snap a photo of Obama's swatting a fly. Then we could sic PETA on him!

Martin Maloney
Coat

IMHO...

...the spat between PETA and Go Daddy is just a pachyderm nonsense.

BTW, if you subscribe to PETA's xxx site, will they respond with a "Wank You" note?

Page: