* Posts by Martin Maloney

247 posts • joined 28 Jul 2007

Page:

Visitors no longer welcomed to Scotland's 'Penis Island'

Martin Maloney
Coat

The gist of the article

No penis is an island.

Gettin' me coat...

0
0

Tens of thousands of Popcorn Time movie streamers menaced by anti-piracy fleet

Martin Maloney
Linux

Don't slight the penguin

"The open-source software is available for Android and iOS gadgets, plus a desktop app for Windows and OS X machines..."

It's also available for Linux.

0
0

The Ashley Madison files – are people really this stupid?

Martin Maloney
Trollface

Oh, the shame

Now world+dog is gonna find out that I tried to link up with a dwarf bisexual Carmelite nun foot fetishist!

If onIy I hadn't been so desperate. I will never live it down.

6
0

Bruce Schneier: 'We're in early years of a cyber arms race'

Martin Maloney
Coat

I just can't help it, folks

"...If, on the other hand, the attacker is North Korea, then the military should probably get involved..."

Have they escalated cyber warfare to NORKlear weapons?

Gettin' me coat...

0
0

Want Edward Snowden pardoned? You're in the minority, say pollsters

Martin Maloney
Facepalm

Re: Birds of a feather

Snowden's revelations are not a threat to national security. The purpose was to scare us ordinary citizens, to keep us in line, by telling us that the NSA monitors every aspect of our lives.

It's called a psychological operation – psyop for short.

Does anyone really believe that, in pre-Snowden days, a person intent on committing a terrorist act didn't already assume that his phone was tapped, that his emails were intercepted, etc. and thus took measures – effective or not – to evade surveillance?

1
0
Martin Maloney
Facepalm

Birds of a feather

What good does it do to construct an all-pervasive surveillance system to keep the citizenry compliant, if the citizenry doesn't know about it?

Snowden is neither a hero nor a traitor. Rather, he is a psyop.

Want proof? Just like that other phony, Assange, he fails the 9/11 litmus test.

1
14

Windows 10 climbs to 3.55 per cent market share, Win 8.1 dips

Martin Maloney
Facepalm

@ Greg J Preece

Is it beyond the pale to imagine that Microsoft might possibly consider stealthily including a"fix" in a cumulative update to restore Windows 10 to its original virgin purity?

1
0
Martin Maloney
Alert

The bottom line

(For the record, I'm not a Microsoft basher. I have Windows 7 on both my laptop and my desktop. I upgraded both computers to Windows 10, and I reverted both in less than an hour, My negative reaction to that OS is based on personal experience.)

At some point, when the thrill of "Wow -- it's free!" wears off, and frustration settles in, people are gonna finally realize that Microsoft is not a philanthropic foundation.

Windows 10 is a bare-bones OS. Microsoft is pushing Windows 10, because they intend to make money in the future by charging for add-ons that were included in Windows 7 and 8.X.

On the other hand, Windows 10 includes -- also free of charge -- "features" missing from your old OS, such as

endless loops

missing drivers

software incompatibilities

NSA-class privacy intrusions

In short, beware of geeks bearing gifts.

1
0
Martin Maloney

@ khisanth

Re: the allegedly faster shutdown of Windows 10, it is largely an illusion.

When you shut down Windows 7, the video remains active until just a second or two before the computer turns off.

In contrast (pun fully intended) when you shut down Windows 10, the screen immediately goes black, and you wait while the computer goes through its shutdown operations and then turns off.

Add to that, a newly-installed OS will always shut down faster.

The actual difference in shutdown time is insignificant. Very clever programming – it's all smoke and mirrors, folks.

13
5
Martin Maloney

Re: Check again in September

Who doesn't, if even only occasionally, play Solitaire?

So how are the happy upgraders going to react when they discover that they have to visit the Windows Store and download and install it? And how happy are they likely to be, when they discover that “free” means “ad-supported?” Finally, how happy are they likely to be, when they discover that, to get rid of the ads, they have to subscribe to the ad-free version, at a cost of $1.95 per month or $9.95 per year?

Then there is the add-on DVD player, free for now, and $14.95 later, and even if the PC has a Blue Ray drive, the DVD player will only play standard DVDs.

At some point, the happy upgraders are going to feel cheated by their “free upgrade.” Welcome to Windows as a Service. (Service is what bulls do to cows.)

Windows 7, a solid OS, with support until January 14, 2020, will be calling them home.

18
4

It's incredibly easy to bump someone off online, and here's how to do it – infosec bod

Martin Maloney
Coat

Re: Clarifications requested

A bloke with a degree in linguistics, unable to find employment in his chosen field, instead sought to become a porn star.

He was a very cunning linguist.

Gettin' me coat...

1
0

Windows 10: Buy cheap, buy twice, right? Buy FREE ... buy FOREVER

Martin Maloney
Thumb Down

@ Paul 87

Does the "average" PC user have a clue about privacy? They endlessly blab intimate details of their lives on Facebook and Twitter and upload stupid videos of themselves to YouTube.

They will LOVE Cortana and the "convenience" afforded by the Microsoft account. They don't comprehend that the same technology that gives them access to everything from one location also grants Microsoft the same access. Don't even try to tell them that it should be named "Windows 1984."

On a completely different note, after reading how to rollback, I did test upgrades on two computers. The old laptop has X1250 graphics, and the desktop has HD 5450. In each case, the Win10 Pro upgrade only loaded the default VGA driver, giving me only two choices -- 1024x768 and 800x600. Epic fail!

Hell, I'm 71 years of age. Windows 7 support might outlive me!

3
1

YOU! DEGRASSE! It's time to make Pluto a proper planet again, says NASA boffin

Martin Maloney
Coat

A matter of urgency

You're all missing the real issue here. The insensitive bullies of the IAU have victimized Pluto. Pluto is suffering a blow to its self-esteem.

Pluto's downgrade from its classification as a planet was more than a grave injustice; the designation of “dwarf planet” is not PC.

This abomination must be addressed forthwith!

Therefore, in all humility, I submit for your consideration “circumferentially-challenged,” or if you prefer, “vulumetrically-disadvantaged.”

Thank you for your kind attention.

0
0

John McAfee: Ashley Madison hack may ‘destabilise society’

Martin Maloney
Coat

Re: Hyperbole

"Also, while I'm on a pedant rant, the "y" in hyper in Greek is not pronounced like a long English dipthong. It's more like the French u."

I thought that it might be silent -- like the "p" in swimming.

1
0

Weird ARCHAEAN LIFE FORM found at 'Loki's Castle' DEEP beneath Arctic Circle

Martin Maloney
Coat

Showing my age

Eukaryon Researcher: The working title of the first release in the proposed revival of British madcap cinema

(If you don't get it, then up your Khyber Pass!)

0
0

Bloke hits armadillo AND mother-in-law with single 9mm round

Martin Maloney
Trollface

Re: Erm...

"Hate to be a wet blanket..."

Knowing that good ol' el reg would never run an article completely bereft of an IT angle, I entered

armadillo computer

into a search engine, and I encountered several computer service businesses with "Armadillo"in their name.

I also discovered a review for a physics-based PC game "Armadillo Run."

After you have laundered your blanket, then get help for your bed-wetting problem.

4
1

SURPRISE! Microsoft pops open Windows 10 Preview build early

Martin Maloney
Thumb Up

Re: Boot

My laptop does that all the time. It's Linux Mint and it's called a "feature" :D

My laptop does that all the time. It's EasyBCD, and it allows me to dual-boot between Windows 7 and Linux Mint. It's from NeoSmart Technologies, and it's free for private, non-commercial use.

Full disclosure: I am in no way affiliated with NeoSmart Technologies. I'm plugging EasyBCD only because it's a terrific product. It saved my butt, when Linux Mint discontinued Mint4Win.

0
0

Dot-com intimidation forces Indiana to undo hated anti-gay law

Martin Maloney

It's called freedom, folks

A Muslim owns a print shop. Someone wants him to print posters of cartoons which disparage the Prophet. Shouldn't he have the right to refuse to do so?

A lesbian produces custom T-shirts. She regards anti-gay bigotry as immoral. Someone wants her to imprint a T-shirt, “Gay Marriage Is an Abomination.” Shouldn't she have the right to refuse to do so?

Someone has a home business, transcoding VHS tapes to DVDs. He has a religious objection to pornography. Someone comes in with a box of porn VHS tapes for him to make into DVDs. Shouldn't he have the right to refuse to do so?

22
22

The Voices: A horror-comedy that’s as schizophrenic as its protagonist

Martin Maloney
Thumb Up

This is one of those...

..."Did he see the same movie that I did?" moments. And one of his criticisms was the accent of the evil loquatious feline?

Although the main character is a total whack job, he is not a deliberate serial murderer. Rather, circumstances force him to kill, to keep his insanity from being discovered.

After the first killing and dismemberment, he places the head on a table and feeds it. Then he sticks it into his refrigerator, and -- you guessed it -- he has coversations with it. The heads of the next two victims also end up in the refrigerator, also talking. It's a hoot!

Where the reviewer went wrong was in regarding "The Voices" as a horror-comedy. It's not; instead, it's a farce, and a very well, er, executed one.

1
0

Give biometrics the FINGER: Horror tales from the ENCRYPT

Martin Maloney
Trollface

Re: Weird.

Is your arseword Dr00p3?

0
0

'Come on, everyone – block US govt staff ogling web smut at work'

Martin Maloney
Coat

AOL tried this years ago...

...and they blocked everyone from Middlesex, New Jersey. It's not that filters don't work; rather, it's that they work too well. Porn-again politicians don't comprehend the concept of unintended consequences.

If current regulations aren't adequately hard on staff, instead of implementing filters, perhaps they should just post a sign:

Masturbation at your workstation might result in your discharge.

6
0

Samsung: Our TVs? SPYING on you? HA HA! Whee! Just a JOKE of course

Martin Maloney
FAIL

Orwell updated

War is peace.

Freedom is slavery.

Ignorance is strength,

Snooping is privacy.

"...of its privacy policy..."

should read

"...of its violation of privacy policy..."

Not to be outdone by Samsung, LG is up to the same trick:

LG Will Take The 'Smart' Out Of Your Smart TV If You Don't Agree To Share Your Viewing And Search Data With Third Parties

https://www.techdirt.com/articles/20140511/17430627199/lg-will-take-smart-out-your-smart-tv-if-you-dont-agree-to-share-your-viewing-search-data-with-third-parties.shtml

Here's something that no one seems to have picked up on: back in the 80s, the puny 8-bit computers of the day could convert speech to text. Thirty years later, why doesn't a "SMART TV" have the built-in "intelligence" to handle voice commands?

2
0

Ugly, incomplete, buggy: Windows 10 faces a sprint to the finish

Martin Maloney
Thumb Up

Re: I still shudder...

"...Can I just keep "7" forever?"

You -- we -- can keep it until spring 2020, when support ends. By then, the current version of Windows will be 12 or 13.

Barring the release of some just-gotta-have-it-program-or-hardware-that-requires-Windows-10, I can't imagine "upgrading" from Windows 7.

0
0

Synths of the father: Making some noise at NAMM 2015

Martin Maloney
Trollface

Regarding the headline...

Repent, and synth no more!

1
1

SEXY GOLD FireFOXY LADY hits Japan in transparent kimono today

Martin Maloney
Trollface

It occurred to me...

...that the trasparent phone would be the perfect accessory to enhance a mesh T-shirt or a see-through blouse.

1
0

Feds finger Norks in Sony hack, Obama asks: HOW DO YOU SOLVE A PROBLEM LIKE KOREA?

Martin Maloney
Trollface

Unless you're an old fart...

...you won't get this:

I predict that the next humor meme will be "Nork-Nork" jokes.

4
0

WD and HGST: We tried to merge our two drive makers, MOFCOM said NO, NO, NO

Martin Maloney
Trollface

Re: They need to get a sense of proportion

Isn't "heaven's sake" Japanese?

3
0

The Pirate Bay SUNK: It vanishes after Swedish data center raid

Martin Maloney
Trollface

"Cream of sum yung guy...:

Isn't that the favorite item on the menu in Chinese restaurants in San Francisco?

2
0

Feds dig up law from 1789 to demand Apple, Google decrypt smartphones, slabs

Martin Maloney
Trollface

Chill, man, chill.

Don't let stringyfloppy get your goat!

0
0
Martin Maloney
Trollface

Re: It used to be the case...

"They look at skin color, asses albedo, then shoot."

Oh, no -- don't shoot Nikki Minaj!

Perhaps you meant "...assess albedo..."

2
0

Apple patents NEVERSMASH iPHONE for fumbling fondlers

Martin Maloney
Trollface

Re: In free fall, no one can hear you scream, "Which way is up?".

"This leaves only one option: an iAirbag (presumably NOT Bulgarian)."

Aren't fanbois iAirbags?

3
0

You stupid BRICK! PCs running Avast AV can't handle Windows fixes

Martin Maloney
Coat

Downvote bait

Am I the only one here who uses MS Security Essentials and Malwarebytes?

2
0

Hide your Macs, iPhones and iPads: WireLurker nasty 'heralds new era'

Martin Maloney
Coat

Re: @ Stern Fenster -- OK so let me get this straight.

If they were able to count to twenty, would you then congratulate them on their tremendous feet?

(So many puns, so little time...)

0
0
Martin Maloney
Thumb Down

Re: " trojanise " !

Do you "butter" your bread? Do you "rake" your lawn? Does your mechanic "lube" your car?

The facility of "verbizing/verbising" a noun is one of the strengths of the English language. Even though I just now invented a word, everyone with at least two functioning neurons grasped my meaning.

Of course, being a foreigner -- I was born in and live in the US -- explains why my "ability with English is limited."

0
0

MOULDY DICK: France aims to snatch EXPLODING WHALE crown from U.S.

Martin Maloney
Trollface

Well, it could be true

Is "MOULDY DICK" an STD?

1
0
Martin Maloney
Coat

Giving you the Dickens

Some years ago, a freshly-deceased whale appeared in the Thames. Not wanting that whale meat to go to waste, London's butchers turned it into sausages.

"It was the beast of Thames, it was the wurst of Thames."

(So many puns, so little time...)

11
0

DR LIPS warns: DON'T KISS that NEWT - it's got FLESH-EATING PLAGUE

Martin Maloney
Coat

I don't know...

...if the looming extinction of salamanders would be a good thing or a bad thing.

I guess that I'm just newtral.

(boo-hiss)

0
0

MEN: For pity's sake SLEEP with LOTS of WOMEN - and avoid Prostate Cancer

Martin Maloney
Trollface

Re: Does it follow

Do you remember the old Michael Caine thrillers, in which the name of the character that he played was "Harry Palmer?"

0
0

Planning to fly? Pour out your shampoo, toss your scissors, RENAME TERRORIST WI-FI!

Martin Maloney
Trollface

More forbidden humor

I have an Ebola joke for you.

(pregnant pause)

Oh, never mind -- you probably won't get it.

19
0

Bird of HEY.... that's MY DRONE! Hawk attacks geek's quadcopter in nature v machine clash

Martin Maloney

Something to ponder

Could raptors be trained to do an in-air flash mob against small drones used by government agencies?

4
0

'MYSTERIOUS PYRAMID STRUCTURE' found on COMET beyond Mars: Landing planned

Martin Maloney
FAIL

Argh!

"...the icy, snowball-like 67P..."

They just won't let go of the failed "dirty snowball" comet model, will they?

1
2

iPhone 6: The final straw for Android makers eaten alive by the data parasite?

Martin Maloney
Trollface

Re: Emerging markets

Have you heard about the support organization MDA -- Mothers Against Dyslexia?

0
0

PEAK LANDFILL: Why tablet gloom is good news for Windows users

Martin Maloney

How low can you go?

Right now, Newegg is selling dual-core Irulu 7" Android tablets for forty bux. Six months from now, they will be quad-core at the same price point.

In short, tablets are now a commodity, and Microsoft and other major manufacturers can't complete in that market.

1
0

Apple: SO sorry for the iOS 8.0.1 UPDATE BUNGLE HORROR

Martin Maloney
Trollface

"Of course they have competitive pressure, they have to deliver new innovative functionality to keep abreast of the ever changing mobile market..."

That also applies to brassiere manufacturers.

5
0

NASA's MAVEN enters Mars orbit to sniff its gas

Martin Maloney
Trollface

If all goes well...

...MAVEN will finally provide the definitive answer to that age-old question:

"Do Martians fart?"

2
0

Cave scrawls prove Neanderthals were AT LEAST as talented as modern artists

Martin Maloney
Trollface

Re: "pre-human ape-men"

"Hi, I'm Dennis, this is my brother Dennis, and this is my other brother Dennis."

2
0

Cops baffled by riddle of CHICKEN who crossed ROAD

Martin Maloney
Coat

Re: umm..

"...It's really trying to go into the middle..."

Q: Why did the American chicken cross the road?

A: To get to the middle.

4
0

What do we want? CAT VIDEOS! How do we get them? TOR!

Martin Maloney
Trollface

Re: "Only terrorists want privacy. Apparently."

GCHQ should investigate el reg for enabling terrorism.

By providing a check box for “Post anonymously?” el reg is enabling terrorists to hide their identity.

But wait – there's more! By automatically assigning “Anonymous Coward” as the name of anyone who checks that box, el reg is also enabling identity theft.

Am I the only one who is smart enough to have figured these things out?

el reg is a criminal terrorist organization. Pass it on.

0
0

REVEALED: The sites blocked by Great Firewall of Iraq

Martin Maloney
Coat

I just can't help it, folks

I suspect that some of the resourceful porn sites remain unblocked.

You know -- the ones that are really eager beavers.

0
0

Intel, Ford: Project Mobii will harpoon unsafe, unauthorized drivers

Martin Maloney
Thumb Down

The total surveillance society

The reason that CCTV cameras are ubiquitous is that "the authorities" are paranoid. They don't like us, they don't trust us, and they feel the need to watch us continuously.

And now they want to install always-on cameras (and microphones) in our cars.

For those who favor this abomination, please consider that if you can access the camera in your car from your smartphone, then the authorities can use their own spy kit to do the same.

Moreover, with their spy kit, they will be able to access the navigation controls. They will be able to force your car to the side of the road -- or into a brick building at high speed.

0
0

Page:

Forums