* Posts by Stratman

779 publicly visible posts • joined 25 Jul 2007

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Japanese press step into execution chamber

Stratman

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So, killing someone is wrong. To show how wrong it is, if you kill someone we'll get an octagenarian dressed in medieval garb to pronounce a spell over you. Then kill you. To show how wrong it is.

MOON SHRINKING FAST - shock NASA discovery

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To force democracy on the ungrateful Clangers, of course.

Wikileaks double dares Pentagon hawks

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FAIL

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Ah yes, good 'ole Uncle Sam 'ordering' the Scottish Government to attend its inquiry about the release of Megeahi.

Shame the same Uncle Sam isn't quite so forthcoming about so-called 'Friendly Fire' inquests in Blighty.

Goose, gander, sauce etc.

Judge halts domain registration scam

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"Anyway, yes, fookwits that pay out for these scams don't deserve the protection of publicly funded courts or legal systems"

Yes, let's all blame the victim again. Many small businesses have no real IT expertise. They have been told "Get a website or lose out to your competitors". A friend who 'knows about computers' has made a basic site to give them a web presence and that's about it. Why should a flower arranging firm or a mobile air conditioning business know the ins and outs of domain name renewals, any more than the old lady who is told by 'a roofing expert' that her roof needs replacing? Should we say it's her fault for being scammed as well?

Beeb deploys ISS as unit of measurement

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"how do you stop the dollar coins from floating away?"

Keep them away fron the Government.

US law to neuter libel tourism

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I think you'll find those who benefit most from our libel laws are m'learned friends.

Government goes after outsourced staff T&Cs

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For decades public sector workers suffered lower pay than their private sector counterparts. One of the justifications put forward for this by the government was that public sector employees enjoyed better job security, better pensions and better redundancy terms. "Swings and roundabouts" was how it was sometimes described.

Now the government is trying to remove these fringe benefits without any compensatory increase in pay. They want public sector pay with private sector downsides.

Poor show.

3D films fall flat

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FAIL

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What the studios are failing to see is that first you need a good film. They seem to be of the opinion "it's the medium rather than the message that matters".

I'd much rather watch Casablanca in grainy monochrome, or the Spaghetti Westerns than some of the dross that's been punted under the 3D banner.

Facebook faces German privacy probe

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Does Gmail trawl through your address book and spam those listed there?

Confusion over 'secret code' in US military Cyberforce crest

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More likely they'll be smoking hash and comparing cigar numbers.

Council of Europe condemns teen-bothering Mosquito

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It woud be quite difficult to write legislation banning the use of the Mozzie without also banning the playing of any music (legally just audio frequencies, or not in the case of John Cage) such as the latest chart toppers blaring out of the mobes of yoofs in the areas in question.

While the hooded ratboys (and girls) think it's perfectly OK to inflict their choice of easy listening on the rest of us, it's fine by me for the shop owners to force their choice on them.

Vatican orders Catholics to watch the Blues Brothers

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FAIL

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That should be

""There's no scene of them alone with an altar boy."

Just one of the benefits of a Catholic education.

LibCons bin £2bn of late Labour projects

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Why would Forgemasters need an £80M loan from the Government, aka the taxpayer?

Haven't we already given the banks many billions for the very purpose of lending it to business?

Lightning bolt smites 60ft Jesus statue

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Happy

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It's just a gentle reminder that Jesus protects us (big lightning strike, no one injured) and sacrificed himself for us.

I do like the Terminator analogy though :)

Is your office World Cup sweepstake legal?

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Thumb Up

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Does this really mean a law firm could get dragged through the mire by lawyers behind a totally stupid law, enacted by part-time lawyers?

Bring it on

ID cards poster girl laments her £30

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Starting A Facebook Group.

Presumably that's the modern equivalent of holding your breath until you turn blue, or Violet Elizabeth Bott's "I'll thcream and thcream until I'm thick"

That'll show 'em.

Halting McKinnon extradition not in our power, says Clegg

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As the USA is known to torture 'terror suspects' and considers McKinnon to be a potential terrorist, the UK Government is forbidden under the European Convention on Human Rights to extradite him there.

The courts recently blocked the extradition of some wannabee 'Muslim Martyrs' to Pakistan on those very grounds, why not McKinnon to Uncle Sam's Waterboarding Playground?

Cops back in on BT/Phorm case

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"In a statement they argued that no criminal offence had been committed because they perceived no criminal intent by the two firms."

So, because they only wanted to look at the data and not alter it they commited no offence.

Like Gary McKinnon then.

Garage worker prangs £200k Ferrari

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Having worked on Dogwatch in the past, I can reveal it's not just garages that believe the customer's car is fair game while in their possession.

They investigated dodgy 'Valet Parking' firms who offered to pick up your car from the terminal and deliver it to you on your return. It would be kept in a 'high security location' in the meantime, they said.

The reality was a bit different. Trackers revealed the bait cars were kept on side streets, in industrial estates and generally wherever the operators felt like leaving them. They were also used as minicabs.

NZ spider objects to Canadian's todger

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Unhappy

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I shall fall upon my pen, what with it being mightier than the sword an' all.

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Sadly, it's only amusing when written down.

'Wh' in NZ placenames is prounounced as ' f '

Biometric cash machine lands in Europe

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I doubt scanned or impressed fingerprints will work. Read the article again.

Relevant bit:-

"The system is based on the recognition of the pattern of veins in an enrolled customer's finger, "

Isaac Newton's apple tree off to spaaaace

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FAIL

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If it's experiencing "no gravity", perhaps Mr. Sellers could explain what's keeping it in orbit.

NFC will help you find your car - if you're next to it

Stratman
Megaphone

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"....................... or configure a new playlist from inside a restaurant, for example."

The killer app. Where do I sign?

We've all been there, waiting for the fish course to arrive but ashamed of the playlist in the car. Now we have yet another way to piss off other diners.

Megaphone, because the dorks won't need one to be heard across the restaurant .

Mafia Wars dons deprived of pit bulls

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I don't know who are the bigger wusses, PETA, or Xynga for giving in to them.

UK polling stations turn away 'hundreds' of voters

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They did turn up on time. Before 10pm.

Some of them turned up three hours before the polls closed but still couldn't get in to vote.

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The trouble with postal votes (i know, i have one) is that things can happen after the vote has been posted which might make one change one's mind.

As for those who say the disenfranchised 'should have gone earlier', they're just plain wrong.

The polling stations are open until 10pm. Anyone who turn up at 9:59 has fulfilled their part of the bargain.

Mobe-wielding drivers getting away with it

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It'll be interesting to see how the Revenue Raisers actually prove the driver was using a phone, as opposed to scratching her ear, for example.

Britain and Israel in stand-off over Mossad officer

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Perhaps he meant Israel's nukes should be treated the same as Iraq's WMD's, or their land grabs (West Bank, Gaza, Lebanon) should receive the same response as Iraq's land grabs (Kuwait).

Just a thought.

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"The Serious and Organised Crime Agency"

As opposed to the Frivolous and Disorganised Crime Agency?

Boffins turn Bunsen burners on Frank Skinner

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Shhhh, don't tell 'em.

Lost mental hospital memory stick had health records

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FAIL

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The only person who should be suspended is the CEO, who still permits systems which allow unencrypted data to be removed from site.

TfL signs £27.6m road CCTV deals

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"The authority says this will cover its surveillance capabilities and help operators to manage the flow of traffic on London's road."

"Hey Jerzy, the traffic's flowing a bit too freely there. Put the lights on extended red."

Judge de-ASBOes yoof's low-slung kecks

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FAIL

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You can't choose to be black.

You can choose not to obscure your face in public.

Texas man cops to botnet-for-hire charges

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I hope he shares a cell with a big hairy psycho who insists on calling him Gloria.

California's 'Zero Energy House' is actually massive fossil hog

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WTF?

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Let me see if I understand this.

If they don't count the energy it uses, it uses no energy.

Is that right?

Missing Soviet nuclear electrocar FOUND ON MOON

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What we call football you call soccer, what you call football we call pointless.

Why the banks aren't scared of the Robin Hood Tax

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FAIL

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" Lend him £10,000 (except I don't, I just scribble £10,000 into his account)"

And when he wants to withdraw the £10,000 in crisp twenties?

Rogue admin waits for verdict

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FAIL

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Serves them right for allowing this state of affairs.

What would the city have done if Mr. Childs had dropped dead while still an employee?

Ash cans flights for another day

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Hmmmm.................

Get the Navy to rescue stranded Brits. It's not quite the Falklands but I suppose it's the best Gordon can manage.

In other news, all charges have bee dropped against a teenager who was due in court today charged with murder after a burglar was killed in his mother's house following a struggle. Nothing to do with the proximity of a general election of course.

Volcanic ash grounds dozens of UK flights

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"So why cancel flights? Clearly there's no safety issue if others are going."

Depends where they're going. If they're going northwards or they're USA bound they'll be heading straight into the cloud. Believe me, you really don't want that to happen.

Death row inmate claims allergy to lethal injection

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Coat

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The Romans tried lions, but were forced to stop it.

They were eating all the prophets.

Herd of sheep, off tits on drugs, savagely Tased

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Happy

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Don't you go giving the Welsh Tourist Board any fanciful ideas now, boyo.

Overzealous Orange cuts off customer, still bills

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You don't actually need to tell them you're recording the call, they've already given you permission.

At least that's what I understand by the "Calls may be recorded" at the bottom of their blurb.

Freetard-targeting Trojan seeks to scam scaredycats

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FAIL

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Girls, the Windows/Mac bitchfight is over there --------------->

Brown promises no change to basic tax rate

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How it will be done.

The basic rate of income tax will indeed remain the same. He didn't say the basic rate band would remain the same. It will be reduced to £5000, and there will be a new rate of 30% payable on amounts above the narrowed basic rate band up to the 40% band.

Electorate conned, promise kept.

Spies caught plundering secret Indian docs

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Coat

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Presumably that'll be Rogan Ghostnet

Wikileaks video shows US gunfire on Reuters staff

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FAIL

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"hiding among the populace"

Hiding??? They're in their OWN FUCKING COUNTRY you prick. Unlike the sub-morons playing a video game with real bullets.

Trigger happy Yanks in yet another fubar cover-up.

Whoda thunkit.

Software engineer demands source of his speeding collar

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Paris Hilton

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Felch?!?!?

UK.gov folds over Ordnance Survey map data

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"Quite why this should be available free to anybody is beyond me."

Perhaps because as a taxpayer it actually belongs to them?

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