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* Posts by Stratman

553 posts • joined 25 Jul 2007

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Rural mobile coverage: Tweeting twits to join chirping tits in UK's national parks

Stratman

HELLO! I'M ON THE PENNINE WAY!

........................

NO, IT'S CRAP! THERE ISN'T A STARBUCKS* FOR MILES!

*Other homeopathic 'coffees' are available

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Lyft hits the brakes: Ban threat stalls taxi app's New York City launch

Stratman

".....its driver has not been subject to the TLC’s required drug and background checks,"

I'm more concerned my driver may not be a psychotic crackhead, and I'll miss out on an essential part of the New York experience..

4
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El Reg nips down IKEA's 'I've Got A Screw Loose Street'

Stratman

"myself and my glamorous assistant and apprentice boffin Katarina rolled up"

Should that not be "When my glamorous assistant and apprentice boffin Katarina and I rolled up" ?

Would anybody really say "When myself did something"?

Words are the tools of a journalist's trade, using tools incorrectly causes problems.

4
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German government orders local CIA station chief to pack his bags

Stratman

Re: Just German face-saving theatrics

Let 'em build it first, then chuck 'em out.

0
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Cosmic dust riddle BREAKTHROUGH: Study tackles stuff of the universe

Stratman

What is the 'shockwave' made of?

And what sort of size are the dust particles?

0
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USA to insist on pre-flight mobe power probe

Stratman

Gel implant bras

Now I have your attention, these 'figure enhancing' gel implant bras are the perfect medium for smuggling binary explosives.

Problem is, only the good looking ones would be selected for a 'random' check. Guess where the booby prize would be hidden.

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App maker defends selling S.F. parking spots as a FREE SPEECH issue

Stratman

Meh

First World Problem

1
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Google, Microsoft to add remote KILL switch to phones

Stratman
Mushroom

Let's hope there is...

.... and there's a Tom and Jerry or Roadrunner moment when it rings.

1
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TalkTalk whips BT with riding crop over sport fibs in telly ad

Stratman

Re: Fear the power of the mighty ASA

"They are about as useful as a chocolate chisel. Or OFGEM."

Or the Telephone Preference Service and its junk mail equivalent.

Useless the lot of 'em.

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DAMN you El Reg, CALL ME A BOFFIN, demands enraged boffin

Stratman

Real boffins

wash their hands before going to the toilet.

3
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Boffins debunk red wine miracle antioxidant myth

Stratman

I feel more research is called for

I'm happy to do my bit for science. Cheers!

0
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Vinyl-fetish hipsters might just have a point

Stratman

"What was that? Play it backwards whilst watching Alice in Wonderland and consuming mind altering chemicals, and you might just hear a secret message?"

The message should be "You're ruining your stylus, you're ruining your stylus"

5
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Titsup UK Border IT causes CHAOS at air and seaports in Blighty

Stratman

What would have happened if

They all just said "Sod this" and walked straight past the desks.

2
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FCC seeks $48K fine from mobile phone-jamming driver

Stratman

Re: Jebus

I'd go further than just a fine. Confiscate the phone on the spot.

When you'v been found not guilty in a court you get it back, otherwise it becomes landfill.

0
2

Reg hack hacked off by iPhone 5 repair notice

Stratman

"Do you know who I am?"

"Is there a doctor in the house? This man doesn't know who he is"

7
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Dell charges £5 to switch on power-saving for new PCs (it takes 5 clicks)

Stratman

Re: OH NOES THINK OF THE CHILDREN

I'd say it's more like a car dealer charging £X hundred for an option like automatically folding door mirrors, when that option is merely enabled in the car's software.

3
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Red-faced LOHAN team 'fesses up in blown SPEARS fuse fiasco

Stratman

Was the fuse mounted on a round tuit?

0
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VAT's all folks: Telecoms and services tax to be set at consumer's homeland rate

Stratman

Re: Glad I live in Switzerland...

Which also has to abide by many EU regulations in order gain these benefits, but has no say in their formulation.

0
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Windows Phone 8.1: Like WinPho 8, but BETTER

Stratman

Re: What about?

How about allowing users to add attachments from within the email app?

As things stand, the only attachment you can add to an email is a picture. To add an attachment such as a pdf or xls, you start by selecting the file, you then compose the email around it. Of course, this means it's only possible to add one attachment. Not very productive when I want to send two or three invoices, for instance.

1
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Time is on their side: NIST's new atomic clock accurate for 300 MEEELLION years

Stratman

Serious question

How do they determine the accuracy of the most accurate clock ever built?

And how do they know it will have lost a second rather than gained one?

1
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Dear Reg: What is a 'Lag' and a 'Jacksey'?

Stratman

Re: Tread carefully

Upvoted, specifically this "nobody has the right to not be offended. "

If you don't want to be offended, don't live in a democracy.

1
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Spam, a lot of it: Bubble tea is the Seoul of wit

Stratman

So it wasn't just me then.

"I even received something similar in the post claiming that I was the sole inheritor of $14.7m from a relative hitherto unbeknown to me, a Mr John Dabbs of Hong Kong,"

I too kept the letter for posterity.

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Canadian spookhaus says airport Wi-Fi slurp didn't invade privacy

Stratman

Re: Assume all 3rd party WiFi tapped

A good rule of thumb to remember is 'If you're not paying for the product, you are the product'.

1
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Virgin Media's 'little(ish)' book of deals contained BIG FIBS, rules ad watchdog

Stratman

Re: The ASA

They sort of did that with the bottom-feeder airlines. The ones that splashed "Benidorm for £1!!!" on their front page. Except when you got to the checkout it had risen to fifty or sixty pounds. Still cheap but not what was promised. Now they have to include all taxes, booking fees, credit card fees, fuel charges, luggage fees, pilot surcharge, oxygen mask rental, window use fee, engine surcharge and so on in the splash price.

0
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Now we're cookin' on gas: Google crafts sugar-alert contact lens for diabetics

Stratman

Somebody won't be happy

Namely the companies who literally give away blood glucose test meters so they can sell you their test strips at 50p a pop.

1
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High Court derails Google defence in Safari browser stalker cookie brouhaha

Stratman

"Funny, they play in the munchkin playground with the rest of the fairies overseen by their mother, passing every minute detail of their lives back to Apple, and share it on Fakebook. Someone else slurps the data and their up in arms? Bit hypocritical isn't it?"

Not at all.

Let's assume you're a man and have a wife. Because she agrees to have sex with you, does that make it OK for anyone else to have sex with her without her consent?

0
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Didn't get a Nook for Xmas? That's OK, hardly anyone else did, either

Stratman

Another happy user

I bought a Simple Touch when the price dropped to less than £40 and am very happy with it.

It does what it's supposed to (apart from embedded pdf images) without drama.

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Naked Aussie gets wedged in washing machine

Stratman

Re: Bah!

"And how did he deal with the issue of the agitator"

More olive oil?

2
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It's not gold in the frozen hills of Antarctica, my boy, it's DIAMONDS

Stratman

Much like the Japanese and whaling

They won't mine them as such. Japan catches whales for 'research purposes' (does this whale have a tail? Yes it does, pass the wasabi), any nation wanting to upset DeBeers' cartel will start researching the proportion of diamond bearing Kimberlite in Antarctica, then helpfully clear up after itself.

0
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Apple iWatch due in October 2014, to wirelessly charge from one metre away – report

Stratman

Now where have I seen that clock face before?

A copyright case where Apple came second

6
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Mexican Cobalt-60 robbers are DEAD MEN, say authorities

Stratman

Good job it didn't happen in Blighty

"Have members of your family been killed by stuff they stole? Call Shysters-R-Us for a no-win-no-fee payday"

2
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Boffins devise world's HARDEST tongue-twister

Stratman

Re: I never saw the point of this concept.

Or he/she could have just bought a Watkins Super Shadow echo device.

Now, about this cow orking. Is it worth it?

2
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That toolbar you downloaded is malware? Tough, read the EULA

Stratman

Re: oxymoron alert

"'Good' is not a word I ever expected to see in a sentence that also included 'lawyer' unless it also included the phrase 'up to no'"

Or 'kicking'

1
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Happy Thanksgiving, Apple. Now how about THREE more patent legal battles for dessert?

Stratman
Devil

Patent trolls versus Apple

Is there any way they can both lose, yet it still costs them millions and millions?

I'm normally against m'learned friends and their fees, but I'll make an exception in this case.

2
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US army bites the bullet in $50m software piracy pay-out

Stratman

Shouldn't the computers hosting the pirated software have been seized and destroyed?

Goose, gander etc.

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REVEALED: How YOU PAY extra for iPHONES - even if you DON'T HAVE ONE

Stratman

Suppose Apple gave a contract

and nobody came?

The relative unpopularity of the latest iThing will be a very strong bargaining point when Apple are demanding frankly ludicrous terms for iThing+1.

If nothing else, the balance of power has shifted somewhat.

18
2

Small software firm wins $28.4m after lobbing sueball at LOCKHEED MARTIN

Stratman

Re: Only a few lucky winners

So what are the chances of the next Airforce One being a flying deathtrap Dreamliner?

I'm sure the Pres will want to fly the flag.

3
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Astronomers spot 13-BEEELLION-year-old hot galactic threesome

Stratman

Re: Errmmm....what?

<NAK> Please resend.

0
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Antidote for poisonous Aussie Red-Back Spider venom DOESN'T WORK

Stratman

Re: Yikes! I mean,Crikey!

A survey to name all the poisonous creatures in Australia resulted in a list so long it was quicker to list the non poisonous ones:-

"Some of the sheep"

2
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Stratman

Re: Second most feared??

"Just looking where you are sticking your bare body parts before sticking them there is generally a good enough strategy for dealing with most Aussie crawlies, though"

Glad to help

0
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Gov mulls making it easier for ICO to squash marketing pests

Stratman

" Currently an opt-out register exists."

Or, as the marketing 'industry' call it, a list of working numbers.

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Stratfor email, credit-card hacker Hammond thrown in cooler for 10 YEARS

Stratman

Did I read it correctly? That he gave up information in return for a lesser sentence, yet still got the maximum?

That'll encourage others to turn stool pigeon, I'm sure.

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Space hotelier Bigelow wants capitalists to FIGHT comm-MOON-ist takeover

Stratman

It's like two fleas arguing over who owns the dog.

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Apple faces €1bn tax probe in Italy, claim legal eagle insiders

Stratman

Re Steve Davies 3

There's many a true word spoken in jest.

Have you noticed the size of the fines the US has imposed on furrin companies like BP and Barclays?

3
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Vulture 2 spaceplane STRIPPED to the bone

Stratman
FAIL

Barnes Wallace (sic)

Shameful.

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Cameron pledges public access to list of who REALLY owns firms

Stratman

Re Miek

Yes you can. It's called the The Register of Members’ Financial Interests

1
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Want to keep the users happy? Don't call them users for a start

Stratman

Re: You can't win

And.............................. breathe.

6
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US aviation watchdog approves $75K balloon ride into SPAAAACE!

Stratman

While it's a worthy enough enterprise

I still can't help thinking it's a waste of helium.

4
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Hard-as-woodpecker-lips MOUSE GOBBLES live scorpion, LAUGHS off stings to face

Stratman

I for one

welcome our murine overlords.

2
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Ryanair boss Mike O'Leary hits Twitter: 'Nice pic. Phwoaaarr!'

Stratman

Re: Vote with your wallet

A colleague used to be an airline pilot, he said he'd never fly Ryan air.

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