Will free up the company name for my toilet fragrance brand - the great smell of tramp
Alkie Tel's Loo Scent
292 posts • joined 23 Jul 2007
Alkie Tel's Loo Scent
Had hoped everyone would be chiming in with their favourite EU project story.
A popular gambit in Italian hotels I find.
That reminds me of one of the 'highlights' of my dubious 'career' at a previous employer...
There was a bid meeting between us and a big customer which was in what was obviously a motor dealership converted into an evangelical church rented out as a conference centre during the week.
Because the senior people at the 3 companies in our consortium had all been terribly, terribly, terribly busy we hadn't actually sat down to discuss anything at all (e.g. what we wanted to do, for how much money and on what basis) before sitting round in the foyer half an hour before the start of the meeting. Someone wanted to get some documents photocopied and the 'conference centre' wanted cash but none of the great and good had any (in the manner of the Queen) so I had to pay.
During the meeting
a) our (new-ish) MD randomly went off on one with the big customer's people over something trivial
b) one of the senior people had a crackpot idea of passing these obviously internal documents round the table for the customer to see - fortunately one of my colleagues at the other end of the table managed to intercept them
We then went to a pub (without our MD) and one of the people in one of the other companies in the consortium said 'don't you dare ever put him in front of one of my customers again'. Then we went back to one of the other consortium member's offices and the senior people had a row in an office whilst the more junior among us made polite small-talk for a couple of hours.
Purley Gates, obviously.
To be fair, when MAME came out the world was young and all sorts of things had all sorts of weird licences.
Nah, not relays, we want British Valves. At least I think that's what David Cameron said, maybe it's a misprint.
Many years ago I had a meeting in what we then Swiss Bank. The meeting room had no external windows. The lights were integrated with the booking system, so that when the meeting was scheduled to finish the lights went off and someone had to go looking for a remote control to turn them on again.
We actually have some remote control plug sockets, you just plug them into the socket and plug the device into them, then you use a remote to turn things on and off - the remote has 4 pairs of on and off buttons. I suspect it came from Maplin, it has a Maplinesque air about it.
'Internet' is now the collective noun for things e.g. pride of lions, colony of badgers, internet of things
Many years ago there was a project at RSRE (now presumably part of [spit] QinetiQ if this bit exists in any meaningful way which I very much doubt) that developed an allegedly formally verified mathematically processor the VIPER and a language NEWSPEAK (NB not the language that appears on Wikipedia with that name). One of the ideas was that
i := i + 1
or whatever the syntax was was illegal because the input values and output values are by definition different which it doesn't allow i.e. you would need an explicit IF to handle the overflow case.
Search for VIPER NEWSPEAK on Google Books to find an 1985 New Scientist article.
My recollection is that they tried to licence it commercially, it turned out to have bugs and one of the licensees tried to sue the MoD but went bust before it went to court.
I could have missed it but I have looked at their website a number of times and there does seem to be a complete lack of explanation understandable to those of us mere mortals who have not been immersed in the world of Mathematica for the last 20 years or so WHAT THE HELL IT IS. Also there is a disturbing lack of details as to what commercial basis it would be sold for as part of a platform we could use to build applications - and I can see that there are probably use cases for it for us (we write and sell high end engineering software). This is, of course, far from being the first bit of software where people are so intoxicated with their own cleverness and have been using / writing it for so long they forget that they have to explain it to people.
To some extent the (vast) library that Wolfram Language has looks to me like it could be viewed as a curated equivalent to CPAN and Ruby / Python equivalents - and I can see the value in a language having a consistent and documented set of libraries (and whilst many of the Ruby ones are good, I can see that there could be a benefit of someone with a big stick standing behind people saying 'no, you are going to do it THIS way, you are not a special snowflake who gets to choose'.
Thinking of the Nathan quango idea (is it really that long ago, doesn't time fily), what I always thought would be a good wheeze in this country would be the system used by the Netherlands public broadcasting system, basically organisations with a certain number of members (who have to pay a certain membership fee to count) get a chunk of the airtime and licence fee (well, the Netherlands one is from general tax now IIRC).
Given the degree people in this country all hate everyone different from themselves and are always willing to game any system I think this would add to the gaiety of the nation.
One of our night security guards used to get locked out without his pass quite often. By means of his positioning and body-language he was very good at giving the impression that he just happened to be passing the door as you were going out and that he wasn't hanging round outside waiting to be let in at all. It was a masterful performance.
The wars of the future will not be fought on the battlefield or at sea.
They will be fought in space, or possibly on top of a very tall
mountain. In either case, most of the actual fighting will be done by
small robots. And as you go forth today remember always your duty is
clear: To build and maintain those robots. Thank you.
-- Military school Commandant's graduation address,
"The Secret War of Lisa Simpson"
How about Alacatel-NokiA-Lucent - or ANAL for short - for the name?
V rapelcg rirelguvat hfvat qbhoyr ebg13 (sha snpg, gur jbeqf 'vex' naq 'irk' ner gur ebg13 pbzcyrzragf bs rnpu bgure)
Or why not become a badger surveyor http://www.cieem.net/data/files/Resource_Library/Technical_Guidance_Series/CSS/CSS_-_BADGER_April_2013.pdf
or a newt surveyor
And to all you software developers who invested time and money building stuff for Windows 8, errrm sorry about all that, hope you didn't lose too much, please support our new world of confusion and non compatability, thank you.
And I too feel sorry for them - both of them - shall we have a whip round and take them out for a pint to commiserate?
Good God, are SGI still going in some form? It's like discovering the News Chronicle is still being published.
Although, as pointed out by another commenter, it is not as though the RPA has covered itself in glory in the past.
On the subject of 'two systems doing the same thing'... a company I worked for acquired two companies with systems doing more or less the same thing. Reputedly the decision on which to can was based on 'which has the fewest open bugs in its bug tracking system' (that was the sort of British management at its finest we came to know and love). So they canned one. Then it turned that the other had written their own bug tracking system which was buggy and actually it had had more bugs.
I look forward to the passive aggressive tweets from GDS people about ignoring 'trolls'
Interestingly, when I rang 999 from my mobile recently (to report a loose horse with a saddle attached galloping along the road), the system asked me to dial 55 presumably to filter out pocket calls.
De we call a collection of these a bunch of OneCores?
In the words of Xander in Buffy the Vampire Slayer, 'I'm a teenage boy, I can be turned on by linoleum'
... forgot to say earlier...
the perfect Register thread - Raspberry Pi, the BBC, education, and now bizarre Micro$oft Konspiracy Korner. All we need now is climate change....
... you can use a Raspberry Pi in place of the 'PC' that you plug it into via a USB port i.e. you have your Pi, it has USB, plug this thing and and program it using the Pi.
I do not quite see the point myself, but I am not a child, parent or educator.
The secret about stove pots is that you want a Bialetti Brikka - the one with the extra valve to give a much better crema. Surprisingly most shops that sell stove pots don't know the difference and only sell the ordinary ones where it just spurts out in a rather disappointing fashion.
I am writing a script about a couple that split up acrimoniously due to disagreements over coffee. I am going to call it 'Creamer vs crema'
To the tune (approximately) of Elstree by Buggles:
Redmond, remember me?
I wrote an app once for Win RT
But now it's history
Redmond, ah look at me
I should have stuck with Windows 3
life is not what it used to be
People self-define (as they say) as 'makers'. People who make things. Presumably promulgated by O'Reilly initially with their (piss-poor) Make magazine. Mainly quadcoptors as far as I can tell. I think 3D printing may be involved as well. I find it slightly strange myself.
5 BILLION valuation, surely?
It's like a zen koan, if Google announces something about a failed product on Google+, does anyone notice?
Nothing old about negative zero, our code still has some special case code to suppress them, left over from when Microsoft changed the behaviour of the C runtime in VC++ 2005. fortunately -0.0 and 0.0 are equal so the code just tests for equality and then uses 0.0. <oldfart/>
Is 'recurssion' a louder version of recursion - a cross between recursion and percussion - something used in executables where the cymbal table hasn't been removed? (Was going to make a joke about Marimba and Castanet but I see a once proud technology that got Wired's front page in its day doesn't even rate its own Wikipedia page - the ultimate insult - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Castanet_%28disambiguation%29)
I subscribed for a couple of years at one point. The humour had gone by then. I miss .EXE more tbh.
What about Badgr - the app for 'underground animal sex tourism' http://www.independent.co.uk/news/weird-news/denmark-moves-to-ban-bestiality-controversial-right-to-have-sex-with-animals-will-be-outlawed-9790829.html
... written in sheep lust lust?
1. Focusing on the National Academy for Digital Skills thing, IBM are one of the sponsors, why are they bothering? What use do they have for developers in the UK rather than India etc.?
2. I see it's in London. Handy that that's a cheap place to live, rent/buy offices, and cheap for the staff to live.
3. Aaaaargh, Register commenters on the subject of teaching, why did I look?
4. How are they going to get the bursary back if people don't do the job? Will it be added onto their student loan? Will it be like buying yourself out the army? Or will they just take a kidney?
Roses are horrible
Violets are crap
Who on Earth would write a
'Windows Store' app?
Also, I thoroughly recommend the book 'It usually begins with Ayn Rand' by Jerome Tuccille. Although most of it is about the minutiae of libertarian infighting, the bits about Ayn Rand at the beginning are worth the cost of the book.
Or do a search for 'ayn rand rational dancer' on Google Books and the whole chapter seems to come up.
Surely your child should be named Rand Rand Rand Rand after
The Rand corporation
The Remington Rand typewriter (or creator of the Univac computer if you prefer).
The Krugerrand - not as good as bitcoins, I know.
It's well weapon!
(or 'No Laughing Matter' as a friend used to call them).
The thing that did for Netware was the irksome Novell support priesthood who had every incentive to insist that computer networking was a complex business. Then when WIndows for Workgroups (or Widows for Wombats as we called it for some reason) came along, a small office could string wires between a bunch of PCs and have a peer to peer network.
Our Netware preiesthood were wildly pleased with themselves and wildly unhelpful (*) - now, clearly, for a big organisation Netware was probably better at the time, but the strung together WfW machines acted as a bridgehead for Microsoft.
(*) and I don't say this just because one of them was a short bearded berk (not to be shortist, or beardist or, indeed berkist) who, despite being a colleague, called environmental health to complain when our burglar alarm went off and didn't cut out.
... many years ago a friend of mine was living in a single room in a shared house. Someone gave him a rabbit that had been sprung from an animal lab. Unfortunately the rabbit used to keep him awake at night by running round his room, so he gave it to the local wildlife centre.
It turned out that the local wildlife centre was feeding rabbits it was given to the other animals. Or, as my friend put it, 'Wilfred was eaten by the weasels'
So many names they could use for the 2 bits
Many years ago, when the world was young, and DOSosaurs roamed the earth, we wrote a piece of software for vehicle scheduling. It had a UI written in a library using GEM. In order to fit 50 rows of 80 characters on an EGA screen (640 by 350) a colleague had sat down with graph paper one weekend and designed a font which looked OK with characters 7 pixels high and 8 across (you can find some around now IIRC but his looked better than the ones I have found decades later). Then each character could have one of 8 foreground and background colours.
The software would schedule deliveries (main areas - breweries, oil tankers, deliveries to corner shops and the like) displaying each route in rows with 2 characters per drop - with the foreground and background colours of each character meaning something (e.g. order type, constraints, early or late delivery etc.)
The user could then use the keyboard to move orders round e.g. move delivery 3 from vehicle 7 to position 9 on vehicle 8 by something like M<enter>3<enter>7<enter>9<enter>. Some of the users could do this amazingly fast, I remember we had to find a TSR to increase the keyboard buffer from one of them - they were doing this at the speed of a fast typist. You couldn't get anywhere near this speed with a mouse, I don't think.