* Posts by Bill Bennett

40 posts • joined 16 Jul 2007

Trying to sell your house? It'd better have KILLER mobile coverage

Bill Bennett

Re: femotocells

Surely Shebang Mobile would answer the phone with "Shebang!"? Else it would be like someone in Tesco saying " good morning sir, welcome to Asda".

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All major UK ISPs prepping network-level porn 'n' violence filters

Bill Bennett
Childcatcher

All about the revenue...

1. ISP promotes whole-home porn blocking.

2. ISP lets the nation's Dads subscribe for a couple of £s a month to "Enhanced per-device blocking" so he can still get his Redtube fix on his iPad.

3. PROFIT!!!

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O2 brushed off outsourcing 'rumour' - but it's happening ... to THOUSANDS

Bill Bennett

Debenhams...

...outsourced their call centre to Capita a couple of years ago, and it got even worse than it was before. I even had one answer the phone "Good afternoon, Acmecorp (or whatever)... I mean, Debenhams..."

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BT's 4G bid WON'T lead to mobile network launch

Bill Bennett

Re: What about........

Orange did this a while back - called it UMA Signal Boost.

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Is your office World Cup sweepstake legal?

Bill Bennett
FAIL

True Game of Skill

I remember seeing the following question on a TV phone-in quiz once, just after the Richard & Judy scandals broke:

"Which option is the correct answer to this question?

A) B

B) C

C) A

If you think you know, call 090.........."

They announced the following week that "many thousands" (so over 2000) people had entered, and the winner was someone whose name didn't appear in yournotme.com at all.

Fail.

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F*ck you, thunders disgruntled fanboi Apple user

Bill Bennett
Joke

I can't jump because...

...there's no app for that.

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Windows 7 - the Reg reader verdict

Bill Bennett
Coat

Still...

...it's better than Windows Mojave ;-)

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Channel 4 to go 3D

Bill Bennett

Max Headroom

Can we see him in 3D?

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Motorola and Blockbuster sign movie deal

Bill Bennett
FAIL

Motorola Still Make Phones?

I thought they went bust after making the F3 ;-)

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Broadband tax of £6 per year to fund rural fibre rollout

Bill Bennett

@Fraser

Bog off.

Why the hell should I pay for something for someone else?

If the underpriveleged country bumpkins wanted more than the 512kb/s they can get now, they'd have bought satellite broadband. Or lots of amalgamated BT Home Highway lines ;-)

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T-Mobile lays ground for embedded SIMs

Bill Bennett

@Fluffykins

Norwich Union Soon To Be Aviva tried that. It was called "Pay As You Drive" Insurance, with a little GPS tracker in your car.

Norwich Union Soon To Be Aviva canned it last year.

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T-Mobile pushes consumer mail

Bill Bennett
Alert

Seven of Nine?

Well, not the Nine... but I sure as hell hope it's not running anything made by SEVEN.

Actually, I don't give a toss, because I'm not on Flea-Mobile.

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Woolies Pic'n'Mix goes for £14,500

Bill Bennett
IT Angle

No sympathy...

If all Woolworths staff are so rich they can give away £15000 rather than keep it in leiu of the year's salary they're not getting this year after being fired, no sympathy for them.

If they're not that rich, this guy's obviously just an idiot.

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Swoopo - eBay's (more) evil twin

Bill Bennett
Joke

Swoopo...

...sounds like an STI

as in "Haven't you heard, Sam round the corner's got a bad case of Swoopo..."

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Europe-wide emergency number is go

Bill Bennett

What about 101?

But wait! In some counties of the UK you can forgo 999 and 112, and use 101 instead for "non-emergency" emergencies!

Can't we just go to a simpler solution - just like the "Digital Switchover" - force everyone to get new equipment.... phones with buttons marked:

"1"

"2"

"3"

"4"

"5"

"6"

"7"

"8"

"9"

"0"

"Bugger I'm fooked and need some help, like."

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PM Brown dusts off one interweb per child plan (again)

Bill Bennett
Flame

Gordo needs a word with Martin Lewis

Put taxes up.

Less people can afford broadband due to higher taxes.

State pays for broadband for people.

Less money in the public kitty.

Put taxes up to replenish kitty.

Less people can afford to heat their homes due to higher taxes.

State pays for heating grants.

Less money in the public kitty.

Put taxes up to replenish kitty.

Less people can afford to eat due to higher taxes.

State pays for food tokens.

Less money in the public kitty.

Put taxes up to replenish kitty.

Less people can afford to live.

State pays for Gordon Brown to be cryogenically frozen.

Less money in the public kitty due to Gordo's freezing.

Put taxes up to replenish kitty.

People die due to lack of food.

Less money in the public kitty due to dwindling number of taxpayers.

Put taxes up to replenish kitty.

Everyone dies.

No money in public kitty due to everyone being dead.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

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My name really is Ivan O'Toole, admits Ivan O'Toole

Bill Bennett
Thumb Up

A few others I've come across...

Chesty Honeybun (yes, it was on her passport) came to buy something a while back.

Someone at my uni graduation was called Larj Wang Dong.

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7-year-old faces M&S Inquisition

Bill Bennett
Flame

When PayPal calls...

PayPal phoned me a few weeks ago morning asking for my bank account number for security.

It turned out it WAS actually PayPal, but it was so stupid...

PP: Hello, can I speak to Mr Bennett please?

me: Speaking.

PP: Hello Mr Bennett. It's Rashindra from PayPal here. Just to check I'm speaking to you, for security can you confirm your bank account number please?

me: You're serious?

PP: Yes. It's for security.

me: How do I know you're really PayPal?

PP: I promise you sir, we are PayPal.

me: Prove it. Tell me my bank account number.

PP: I just asked you that.

me: Yes. So logically, it should be acceptable for me to ask you too.

PP: Um...

me: OK. Tell me the last letter of my postcode.

PP: It's T.

me: Well done. Now, for security, I made a payment last week. Who was it to?

PP: Ebuyer.com.

me: Yes. And how much was it for?

PP: £19.95.

me: Correct again.

PP: Good. Now, can I have your bank account number?

me: No. I'll tell you the sum total of the digits, though.

PP: OK.

me: It's 51.

PP: Let me just check that. (mumbles adding up some numbers)

me: That's OK then?

PP: Yes. Nextly, for security again, can I confirm your national insurance number?

me: No!

PP: I am afraid I will not be able to release the information I was calling about if you do not confirm.

me: What did you want to call me about?

PP: I am calling to let you know about the great benefits of our new top up prepaid debit card.

me: I don't want one.

PP: OK, let me note that on your account and you will not recieve any further solicitation for this product. Before I make a note on your account, I will need to confirm some security details with you.

me: What do you want to know now?

PP: Can you confirm your bank account number please?

me: No. I'll tell you the sum total of the digits again though.

PP: I can't accept that for security verification, I'm afraid.

me: You accepted it a minute ago.

PP: No I didn't.

me: Yes you did. It's 51.

PP: I do not recall that.

me: Do you know who you're speaking to?

PP: Mr William Bennett.

me: Are you sure?

PP: Yes sir, I am sure.

me: So if you're sure, why do you need to verify security details?

PP: It is for security.

me: But you've already asked me security questions.

PP: Yes, but I must be sure I am speaking to you before I make notes on the account.

me: You just told me you're sure you're speaking to me.

PP: But sir, this is for your security.

me: OK, ask me one more security question.

PP: May I have your mother's full name, please?

me: Yes. It's Tarrant. Chris Tarrant.

PP: I'm sorry, that doesn't match.

me: Oh whoops, I meant to say Cilla Black.

PP: That's not it either, sir.

me: Try Heath Ledger then.

PP: I am sorry sir, but you have failed three times now. I cannot verify your account and will have to terminate the call.

me: OK, bye.

PP: But before you go, allow me to introduce you to the benefits of the PayPal top up prepaid debit card...

me: NO!

PP: Please do not shout, sir.

me: OK, bye.

PP: Good day sir.

<end>

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EA free petrol stunt triggers north London gridlock

Bill Bennett
IT Angle

Reminds me of...

...the woman being interviewed on News 24 a couple of months back when forecourts were running out of petrol...

Reporter: "So, why have you come to fill up this morning?"

Woman: "Well, I had an almost full tank, but I thought it better to fill up to 100% to be sure".

Reporter: "And how far have you come this morning to fill up?"

Woman: "About 20 miles".

Reporter: "So, when you get home, won't you have less petrol than when you started?"

Woman: "Well, yeah, but it's all about making sure I've got enough so I don't run out".

Duh.

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Cloned US ATM cards: Can they fool Brit self-service checkouts?

Bill Bennett

@hexacet

Self service do use mag stripes.

To quote the ASDA one - "Insert your card into the chip and pin device, or swipe your card on the side of this monitor if your card does not have a chip"...

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eBay changes anger smaller sellers

Bill Bennett

@Richard

I had a similar problem a few weeks back. Sold an iPod on eBay, stated "this item is used and has quite a few scratches on the screen".

The buyer opened a PayPal dispute saying that I hadnt said in the item description that the scratches were visible when using the pod. DUH!!

PayPal ruled in his favour, and made me give him a £20 part-refund.

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Homer Simpson's email address hacked

Bill Bennett

@Jel Mist

Yes they do. My mobile ends 555-xxxx.

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Gmail uses DomainKeys to lock out eBay phishing attacks

Bill Bennett
Happy

My favourite paypal spoof email:

I'd better post this I got a few years ago then...

---------- Forwarded message ----------

From: <paypalofficialnotice@hotmail.com>

Date: Mar 12, 2006 11:22 AM

Subject: Your Account Not Is Working Now Please

>

> Hello Paypal User Your account not is working now!

>

> You must reply this email with check with youre credit card number and

> address and name so i can check youre account is working now.

>

> Youre account will not work soon until account will work when you send number

> and expiry date. We will not be illegally buy with youre card. Beware illegally

> fraud mans and womans! This is a real email! You know because it come from

> pay pal. It says from pay pal at the end so you know it is not fake. If you do

> not send real credit card numbers for check there will be a bad fine.

>

> From pay pal ofices.

> This is a real email.

> paypalofficialnotice@hotmail.com

>

>

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Number crunching knife crime and online ID verification

Bill Bennett

@Glyn

Don't worry about Asda's (sorry, "ASDA"'s) under 25 policy.

Tesco Express checks you if you're under 30.

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Online ID checks to limit teen booze and knife purchases

Bill Bennett
Thumb Down

Oh come on...

...there's always a way round it.

Age 12, I had a Solo card with NatWest. Tell an online site it's a Maestro, and you could buy 18-rated videos.

Age 16, Capital One gave me a credit card as a second card on my Mum's account.

On my 17th birthday, I became a Barclaycard Visa holder in my own right. Don't know how.

Even easier now you can buy prepaid Visa's online from places like SplashPlastic or Tuxedocard.

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UK government websites out of control

Bill Bennett

Erm...

Wasn't this what DirectGov.gov.uk was supposed to fix?

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Phishers offer credit card discounts to prospective marks

Bill Bennett
Stop

Chip and Pin flaw...

...there's a flaw with Chip and Pin anyway. Here's how to get round it in shops, anyway:

1) Get a natwest/barclays/whoever card reader to test your handiwork.

2) Steal a chip and pin card.

3) Scratch/electrocute the chip till it wont read (test this with the reader from step one)

4) Practise the signature on the back of the card

5) Use it in a shop

6) "Sorry sir, the chip's broken. Would you sign for it instead?"

7) "Of course, I'd love to".

8) Done.

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Spam filtering services throttle Gmail to fight spammers

Bill Bennett
Paris Hilton

Another way...

have a "pick the funny joke" test:

1) a man walks into a bar. ouch.

2) what do you get if you cross a chav with a gun? shot.

3) whats the difference between paris hilton and a pile of turd? one has a use.

no computer can work that one out :)

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UK.gov demands 999 ads on social networking sites

Bill Bennett
Paris Hilton

What about Uni students?

In halls, well, at my uni at least, we couldnt call 999.

I saw a girl getting beaten up in a phonebox outside my 3rd floor uni hall apartment. Tried calling 999 from my mobile, but the place was like a faraday cage, so no mobile signal.

A company called Keycom ran the in-dorm phone system (we weren't allowed BT). You had to topup with prepaid cards to make calls. I tried calling 999 (and 112) and got a lovely automated voice: "Sorry, you cannot place this call due to insufficient credit. Please top up at your nearest Paypoint retailer, and retry after 24 hours".

Paris, because she sucks too.

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Notts police seize mobile phone stun gun

Bill Bennett
Coat

Surprised nobody's said it yet...

Detective Sergeant Dave Bola, of Notts Police, told the BBC: "It's a shock".

:-S

Mine's the one with the taser in the pocket... or maybe I'm just pleased to see you.

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Calls to ban hoodie-busting sonic weapon

Bill Bennett
Coat

Shoot The Mosquito...

...and win a hoodie.

(Terms apply. Participation Offers Required.)

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Flash-based iPlayer is go

Bill Bennett
Coat

Progress...

I'd say the BBC has made quite a bit of progress with their online precense in the last 10 years:

http://web.archive.org/web/19970613204835/http://www.bbc.co.uk/

Mmm... frames... "Send us an electronic mail"... the "BBC Networking Club"...

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Canadian runs up $85,000 mobe bill

Bill Bennett

This is why...

...i like my 3 Skypephone so much.

£5 a month for 1GB of USB modem goodness. Oh, and unlimited* free Skypeing too.

*Subject to fair use policy.

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Apple posts iPhone update, bricks unlocked handsets

Bill Bennett

Reunlockings?

This is reminding me of the Fonejacker.

"Hello, I am calling from Apple Relocking Unlockings. We are calling to see if you would like to unrelock your reunlocked iPhone to a status of lockings that is different to your current unlockings? It will be differing from your current unlockings by a relockings of your reunrelockings we have updated with an updatings you will update for the reupdatings of your unrelockings on your iPhone..."

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Adopt this dog or we'll kill it

Bill Bennett

Or...

...to quote http://www.dogstrust.org.uk/topnavigation/about_us/ - "We never destroy a healthy dog", and their ads on TV - "We never put a healthy dog down".

Suck it, Buddy Fund.

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Mobiles can upset hospital equipment, after all

Bill Bennett

GPRS / GSM

Just remember, the article says "GPRS signals at 900mhz" affected the equipment - this means voice calls AND GPRS data would both have the same effect, depending on the network.

Vodafone and O2 run on 900mhz, whereas T-Mobile, Virgin (yes, they're T), and Orange run 1800mhz.

Seeing as doctors use pagers, I'd put money on them being a rebadged version of VodaZap Inhouse, which runs (IIRC) 900mhz. Oops.

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Apple lobs $100 credit at iPhone buyers

Bill Bennett

The Solution!

Follow this flowchart if you have recieved a $100 apple store giftcard for your iPhone purchase:

Do you want it?

A) YES - Good, then shut up and be happy.

B) NO - Give it to me. I'll happily relieve you of it, no charge.

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Google spinmeisters defend video refund policy

Bill Bennett

Googlefonejacker

Hello Sir. My name is Mr Aquanquanquango from Googley Google Video World. The computer is saying there is a large sum of monies waiting for you in the amount of two american dollars. I just need your bank account number and sorts code and I will wire the monies immediately!

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'Ads-funded' Microsoft Works pilot barges onto your PC this year

Bill Bennett

A Clever Microsoft Move...

...no, really.

If it's free, nobody can pirate it.

If it's crap, nobody will WANT to pirate it.

The first piece of MS software with a 0% piracy rate since "Microsoft Golf"... :-)

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Mum given young nympho's phone number

Bill Bennett

Porn line fun...

...I used to work at a small computer store. We set up a 75p a minute tech support line to fleece people who couldn't work Windows.

The phone number was 090 69 59 xxxx - it turned out that people were misdialling from 090 69 69 xxxx, wanting sex chat, and getting through to me instead.

I told the boss, and he said "well, if they're paying 75p a minute, give them what they want, whatever they call for".

I told callers it was the "tell me your fantasies and i'll listen" line, let them blabber on about how they wanted to <insert sick fantasy here>, I left the phone off the hook still connected, and went off for an early lunch...

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