Posts by Bill Bennett
37 posts • joined Monday 16th July 2007 19:19 GMT
Re: What about........
Orange did this a while back - called it UMA Signal Boost.
True Game of Skill
I remember seeing the following question on a TV phone-in quiz once, just after the Richard & Judy scandals broke:
"Which option is the correct answer to this question?
A) B
B) C
C) A
If you think you know, call 090.........."
They announced the following week that "many thousands" (so over 2000) people had entered, and the winner was someone whose name didn't appear in yournotme.com at all.
Fail.
I can't jump because...
...there's no app for that.
Posted in Motorola and Blockbuster sign movie deal
Motorola Still Make Phones?
I thought they went bust after making the F3 ;-)
@Fraser
Bog off.
Why the hell should I pay for something for someone else?
If the underpriveleged country bumpkins wanted more than the 512kb/s they can get now, they'd have bought satellite broadband. Or lots of amalgamated BT Home Highway lines ;-)
Posted in T-Mobile lays ground for embedded SIMs
@Fluffykins
Norwich Union Soon To Be Aviva tried that. It was called "Pay As You Drive" Insurance, with a little GPS tracker in your car.
Norwich Union Soon To Be Aviva canned it last year.
Posted in T-Mobile pushes consumer mail
Seven of Nine?
Well, not the Nine... but I sure as hell hope it's not running anything made by SEVEN.
Actually, I don't give a toss, because I'm not on Flea-Mobile.
Posted in Woolies Pic'n'Mix goes for £14,500
No sympathy...
If all Woolworths staff are so rich they can give away £15000 rather than keep it in leiu of the year's salary they're not getting this year after being fired, no sympathy for them.
If they're not that rich, this guy's obviously just an idiot.
Posted in Swoopo - eBay's (more) evil twin
Swoopo...
...sounds like an STI
as in "Haven't you heard, Sam round the corner's got a bad case of Swoopo..."
Posted in Europe-wide emergency number is go
What about 101?
But wait! In some counties of the UK you can forgo 999 and 112, and use 101 instead for "non-emergency" emergencies!
Can't we just go to a simpler solution - just like the "Digital Switchover" - force everyone to get new equipment.... phones with buttons marked:
"1"
"2"
"3"
"4"
"5"
"6"
"7"
"8"
"9"
"0"
"Bugger I'm fooked and need some help, like."
Gordo needs a word with Martin Lewis
Put taxes up.
Less people can afford broadband due to higher taxes.
State pays for broadband for people.
Less money in the public kitty.
Put taxes up to replenish kitty.
Less people can afford to heat their homes due to higher taxes.
State pays for heating grants.
Less money in the public kitty.
Put taxes up to replenish kitty.
Less people can afford to eat due to higher taxes.
State pays for food tokens.
Less money in the public kitty.
Put taxes up to replenish kitty.
Less people can afford to live.
State pays for Gordon Brown to be cryogenically frozen.
Less money in the public kitty due to Gordo's freezing.
Put taxes up to replenish kitty.
People die due to lack of food.
Less money in the public kitty due to dwindling number of taxpayers.
Put taxes up to replenish kitty.
Everyone dies.
No money in public kitty due to everyone being dead.
Lather, rinse, repeat.
A few others I've come across...
Chesty Honeybun (yes, it was on her passport) came to buy something a while back.
Someone at my uni graduation was called Larj Wang Dong.
Posted in 7-year-old faces M&S Inquisition
When PayPal calls...
PayPal phoned me a few weeks ago morning asking for my bank account number for security.
It turned out it WAS actually PayPal, but it was so stupid...
PP: Hello, can I speak to Mr Bennett please?
me: Speaking.
PP: Hello Mr Bennett. It's Rashindra from PayPal here. Just to check I'm speaking to you, for security can you confirm your bank account number please?
me: You're serious?
PP: Yes. It's for security.
me: How do I know you're really PayPal?
PP: I promise you sir, we are PayPal.
me: Prove it. Tell me my bank account number.
PP: I just asked you that.
me: Yes. So logically, it should be acceptable for me to ask you too.
PP: Um...
me: OK. Tell me the last letter of my postcode.
PP: It's T.
me: Well done. Now, for security, I made a payment last week. Who was it to?
PP: Ebuyer.com.
me: Yes. And how much was it for?
PP: £19.95.
me: Correct again.
PP: Good. Now, can I have your bank account number?
me: No. I'll tell you the sum total of the digits, though.
PP: OK.
me: It's 51.
PP: Let me just check that. (mumbles adding up some numbers)
me: That's OK then?
PP: Yes. Nextly, for security again, can I confirm your national insurance number?
me: No!
PP: I am afraid I will not be able to release the information I was calling about if you do not confirm.
me: What did you want to call me about?
PP: I am calling to let you know about the great benefits of our new top up prepaid debit card.
me: I don't want one.
PP: OK, let me note that on your account and you will not recieve any further solicitation for this product. Before I make a note on your account, I will need to confirm some security details with you.
me: What do you want to know now?
PP: Can you confirm your bank account number please?
me: No. I'll tell you the sum total of the digits again though.
PP: I can't accept that for security verification, I'm afraid.
me: You accepted it a minute ago.
PP: No I didn't.
me: Yes you did. It's 51.
PP: I do not recall that.
me: Do you know who you're speaking to?
PP: Mr William Bennett.
me: Are you sure?
PP: Yes sir, I am sure.
me: So if you're sure, why do you need to verify security details?
PP: It is for security.
me: But you've already asked me security questions.
PP: Yes, but I must be sure I am speaking to you before I make notes on the account.
me: You just told me you're sure you're speaking to me.
PP: But sir, this is for your security.
me: OK, ask me one more security question.
PP: May I have your mother's full name, please?
me: Yes. It's Tarrant. Chris Tarrant.
PP: I'm sorry, that doesn't match.
me: Oh whoops, I meant to say Cilla Black.
PP: That's not it either, sir.
me: Try Heath Ledger then.
PP: I am sorry sir, but you have failed three times now. I cannot verify your account and will have to terminate the call.
me: OK, bye.
PP: But before you go, allow me to introduce you to the benefits of the PayPal top up prepaid debit card...
me: NO!
PP: Please do not shout, sir.
me: OK, bye.
PP: Good day sir.
<end>
Reminds me of...
...the woman being interviewed on News 24 a couple of months back when forecourts were running out of petrol...
Reporter: "So, why have you come to fill up this morning?"
Woman: "Well, I had an almost full tank, but I thought it better to fill up to 100% to be sure".
Reporter: "And how far have you come this morning to fill up?"
Woman: "About 20 miles".
Reporter: "So, when you get home, won't you have less petrol than when you started?"
Woman: "Well, yeah, but it's all about making sure I've got enough so I don't run out".
Duh.
@hexacet
Self service do use mag stripes.
To quote the ASDA one - "Insert your card into the chip and pin device, or swipe your card on the side of this monitor if your card does not have a chip"...
Posted in eBay changes anger smaller sellers
@Richard
I had a similar problem a few weeks back. Sold an iPod on eBay, stated "this item is used and has quite a few scratches on the screen".
The buyer opened a PayPal dispute saying that I hadnt said in the item description that the scratches were visible when using the pod. DUH!!
PayPal ruled in his favour, and made me give him a £20 part-refund.
My favourite paypal spoof email:
I'd better post this I got a few years ago then...
---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: <paypalofficialnotice@hotmail.com>
Date: Mar 12, 2006 11:22 AM
Subject: Your Account Not Is Working Now Please
>
> Hello Paypal User Your account not is working now!
>
> You must reply this email with check with youre credit card number and
> address and name so i can check youre account is working now.
>
> Youre account will not work soon until account will work when you send number
> and expiry date. We will not be illegally buy with youre card. Beware illegally
> fraud mans and womans! This is a real email! You know because it come from
> pay pal. It says from pay pal at the end so you know it is not fake. If you do
> not send real credit card numbers for check there will be a bad fine.
>
> From pay pal ofices.
> This is a real email.
> paypalofficialnotice@hotmail.com
>
>
@Glyn
Don't worry about Asda's (sorry, "ASDA"'s) under 25 policy.
Tesco Express checks you if you're under 30.
Oh come on...
...there's always a way round it.
Age 12, I had a Solo card with NatWest. Tell an online site it's a Maestro, and you could buy 18-rated videos.
Age 16, Capital One gave me a credit card as a second card on my Mum's account.
On my 17th birthday, I became a Barclaycard Visa holder in my own right. Don't know how.
Even easier now you can buy prepaid Visa's online from places like SplashPlastic or Tuxedocard.
Posted in UK government websites out of control
Erm...
Wasn't this what DirectGov.gov.uk was supposed to fix?
Chip and Pin flaw...
...there's a flaw with Chip and Pin anyway. Here's how to get round it in shops, anyway:
1) Get a natwest/barclays/whoever card reader to test your handiwork.
2) Steal a chip and pin card.
3) Scratch/electrocute the chip till it wont read (test this with the reader from step one)
4) Practise the signature on the back of the card
5) Use it in a shop
6) "Sorry sir, the chip's broken. Would you sign for it instead?"
7) "Of course, I'd love to".
8) Done.
Another way...
have a "pick the funny joke" test:
1) a man walks into a bar. ouch.
2) what do you get if you cross a chav with a gun? shot.
3) whats the difference between paris hilton and a pile of turd? one has a use.
no computer can work that one out :)
What about Uni students?
In halls, well, at my uni at least, we couldnt call 999.
I saw a girl getting beaten up in a phonebox outside my 3rd floor uni hall apartment. Tried calling 999 from my mobile, but the place was like a faraday cage, so no mobile signal.
A company called Keycom ran the in-dorm phone system (we weren't allowed BT). You had to topup with prepaid cards to make calls. I tried calling 999 (and 112) and got a lovely automated voice: "Sorry, you cannot place this call due to insufficient credit. Please top up at your nearest Paypoint retailer, and retry after 24 hours".
Paris, because she sucks too.
Posted in Notts police seize mobile phone stun gun
Surprised nobody's said it yet...
Detective Sergeant Dave Bola, of Notts Police, told the BBC: "It's a shock".
:-S
Mine's the one with the taser in the pocket... or maybe I'm just pleased to see you.
Posted in Calls to ban hoodie-busting sonic weapon
Shoot The Mosquito...
...and win a hoodie.
(Terms apply. Participation Offers Required.)
Posted in Flash-based iPlayer is go
Progress...
I'd say the BBC has made quite a bit of progress with their online precense in the last 10 years:
http://web.archive.org/web/19970613204835/http://www.bbc.co.uk/
Mmm... frames... "Send us an electronic mail"... the "BBC Networking Club"...
Posted in Canadian runs up $85,000 mobe bill
This is why...
...i like my 3 Skypephone so much.
£5 a month for 1GB of USB modem goodness. Oh, and unlimited* free Skypeing too.
*Subject to fair use policy.
Reunlockings?
This is reminding me of the Fonejacker.
"Hello, I am calling from Apple Relocking Unlockings. We are calling to see if you would like to unrelock your reunlocked iPhone to a status of lockings that is different to your current unlockings? It will be differing from your current unlockings by a relockings of your reunrelockings we have updated with an updatings you will update for the reupdatings of your unrelockings on your iPhone..."
Posted in Adopt this dog or we'll kill it
Or...
...to quote http://www.dogstrust.org.uk/topnavigation/about_us/ - "We never destroy a healthy dog", and their ads on TV - "We never put a healthy dog down".
Suck it, Buddy Fund.
GPRS / GSM
Just remember, the article says "GPRS signals at 900mhz" affected the equipment - this means voice calls AND GPRS data would both have the same effect, depending on the network.
Vodafone and O2 run on 900mhz, whereas T-Mobile, Virgin (yes, they're T), and Orange run 1800mhz.
Seeing as doctors use pagers, I'd put money on them being a rebadged version of VodaZap Inhouse, which runs (IIRC) 900mhz. Oops.
Posted in Apple lobs $100 credit at iPhone buyers
The Solution!
Follow this flowchart if you have recieved a $100 apple store giftcard for your iPhone purchase:
Do you want it?
A) YES - Good, then shut up and be happy.
B) NO - Give it to me. I'll happily relieve you of it, no charge.
Googlefonejacker
Hello Sir. My name is Mr Aquanquanquango from Googley Google Video World. The computer is saying there is a large sum of monies waiting for you in the amount of two american dollars. I just need your bank account number and sorts code and I will wire the monies immediately!
A Clever Microsoft Move...
...no, really.
If it's free, nobody can pirate it.
If it's crap, nobody will WANT to pirate it.
The first piece of MS software with a 0% piracy rate since "Microsoft Golf"... :-)
Posted in Mum given young nympho's phone number
Porn line fun...
...I used to work at a small computer store. We set up a 75p a minute tech support line to fleece people who couldn't work Windows.
The phone number was 090 69 59 xxxx - it turned out that people were misdialling from 090 69 69 xxxx, wanting sex chat, and getting through to me instead.
I told the boss, and he said "well, if they're paying 75p a minute, give them what they want, whatever they call for".
I told callers it was the "tell me your fantasies and i'll listen" line, let them blabber on about how they wanted to <insert sick fantasy here>, I left the phone off the hook still connected, and went off for an early lunch...
