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* Posts by g e

2658 posts • joined 16 Jul 2007

Lady Gaga puts the squeeze on breast milk ice cream

g e
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Joke

I'm sure potentially

That in the correct circumstances you actually could catch most of that from lady gaga too.

Maybe a trademark suit is warranted after all.

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g e
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Queen

Did some work at EMI years ago. Remember some middle-manager guy walking through the office talking to someone saying of higher management 'They're shitting themselves. Queen management are all over this.'

So yes, maybe a good shoeing from proper big boys would make her shut her pointless piehole.

Vapid Twat [homage to earlier posting]

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Neighbourhood watchers in Reading get speedguns

g e
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Dear concerned speedgun-toting neighbour

We all know where you live. Of course we do.

You're a f**king neighbour you moron.

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g e
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Thank you!

I guess having 'Wanker' shouted at you MIGHT sound a bit like that...

"Thank you! I had no idea I was doing 30.06MPH! You live at number 37, you say? Gosh, you know I heard there'd been an outbreak of arson recently and they've still not caught the culprit. I hope you're insured..."

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Feds charge 10 with running Nigerian 419 scam

g e
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OMFG!

Not my dear trusted friend Claudio Uche Dibe ???

And so forth...

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NEC goes out on a limb with arm-tap gadget control

g e
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Joke

Forget Rock Band...

Arm Band, anyone???

>:oD

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Clear Channel turns digital billboards into 'store fronts'

g e
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What an absolutely fantastic

reason to avoid buying an NFC phone

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Launcher Pro

g e
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I saw 'Landscape home page'

And immediately installed it.

If the fecking thing expires and jiggers the phone I *will* give the dev a day from hell, though.

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Captain Kirk hails space shuttle Discovery

g e
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Eh?

Fair winds & Following Seas ???

Not Fair Seas & Following Winds?

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NASA's Glory climate-data sat crashes into Pacific on launch

g e
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Perhaps but

I don't think Denialists actually have any problem with real hard verifiable facts.

It's just that there's so few of them where 'man made climate change' is concerned.

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g e
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successful orbital insertion

FNARRR!

'I think he's attempting re-entry, Sir' - Q, Moonraker(?)

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g e
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Perhaps

The launch guy held the controller the wrong way.

Does anyone know if Apple made it?

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Twitter terminates Steve Jobs parodist

g e
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Just like

Julian Assange(tm)

Trademark Infringement!

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Charlie Sheen explodes onto Twitter

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Alien

That's Charlie Sheen these days?

Honestly, I thought it was Russ Abott!

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Apple T&C upsets philanthropic developers

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By golly you're right

And presumably they'd get the opportunity to charge a 30% administration fee on the amount prior to sending it along to the needy.

Missed opportunity to profit!

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Julian Assange™ applies to trademark himself

g e
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It's too similar

To the trademark Ass-Angel (tm)

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Euro court slaps down insurers over gender risks

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If insurance WERE about risk assessment

Then your premium wouldn't go up cos someone in a different county was hit by an uninsured Polish driver. Would it?

Insurance Co's do NOT have your best interests at heart. They have shareholders.

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Phone seller pre-peddles white iPhone 4 for UNDER A GRAND!

g e
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LMAO

And this is without a SIM, right? i.e. you got operator bills on top? No doubt plenty of halfwits will buy this.

Makes my 18-mo £34 quid a month HTC Desire HD contract look positively bargain basement. Even if I bought it a 32GB memory card.

That's £612 for the phone over 18 months. Oh and ALL calls (except 0845, etc), every text and all data, too. If someone can prove to El Reg they bought one of these off Expansys then they should get a special award.

(Special as in special needs, that is)

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g e
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You!

You used to be in my Physics class didn't you!

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Thunderbolt: A new way to hack Macs

g e
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Will you also build my website?

Hey Elmer -

I have a copy of the website here which my 12-year-old nephew has made in Word and he says it's very easy for you to turn it into a secure ecommerce-enabled multilingual site.

I can't pay you but I will tell everyone you did this and you will make lots of money from it

Thanks.

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London Stock Exchange floored, again

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lpt0 is on fire

Two major banks and the LSE.

Surely I'm not the first to spot a suspicious coincidence?

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Apple shareholders nix disclosure of Jobs succession plan

g e
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Is easy...

You become a shareholder with the intention of profiting

Everything you vote for is to increase your chance to profit

Therefore if plans were disclosed the expectation is to lose money not make it

Therefore the plans, or lack of, will cause the stock to tank

Therefore the stock should tank anyway.

Sell Sell Sell.

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Former Microsoft exec barred from taking job at Salesforce

g e
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Come and work for Salesforce Europe then

And hire Kneelie Kroes (sp?) for your lawyer, I'm sure she could work up a huge anti-competition fine for MS on this basis, bless her.

In the meantime I guess the guy has no job? I mean, you'd not want to stay with MS would you, even if they let you.

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Voyeurs invited to watch space truck dock

g e
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But...

will we be able to buy the illustrated book from Waterstones ?

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Conviction overturned for abuse images bought from bookshop

g e
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His name's already released

So release the names of the coppers, too....

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Court OK's Assange Sweden extradition, given 7 days to appeal

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I thought he had to be charged?

Apparently not...

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Apple 'outstrips' all brands at box office

g e
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HTC / Android

Fringe

That is all :oD

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Eight years for ID fraudster

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From the desk of Olajumoke Ademuyiwa

Dear trusted friend,

We are being experiencing legal troubles in sending your $4,000,000 remunerations to your banking address.

Please send fraud lawyers as urgency to expedite your swift payments

Trust in God we shall prevail

Your trusted friends

Olaide Taiwo and Olajumoke Ademuyiwa

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Apple plots iPad 2 production reduction

g e
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Oh I'm quite sure

they know how they screw people over.

And how much money it makes them.

Perhaps they reduced volumes because their CUSTOMERS starting noticing how they get screwed over and projected demand slipped.

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Facebook reviews smut policy after slave site uprising

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Pint

might be pulled at a moment’s notice

Fnaarrrr

That is all.

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Westboro Baptist Church taunts Anonymous over supposed attack plan

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Bring it on

Sounds like they just gave their permission for 3rd party penetration testing to me. No point being a crybaby when you go offline when you literally asked for it.

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Unprecedented domain seizure shutters 84,000 sites

g e
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Coat

Right to bare arms

*Rolls sleeves up...*

OK, I get my coat

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g e
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Big Brother

Right to bear arms, OK, but...

A few thousand armed demonstrators excercising their right to bear arms wouldn't last long against a bank of military miniguns, teargas and skincinerator rays.

Then they'd be labelled terrorists and their families hunted till the end of time by the NSA/DHS or some other TLA.

The right to bear arms is already meaningless in the good ol US of A. You'll just get mown down by your Govt. for trying.

Big brother, cos his minigun is wayyyy bigger than yours

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Sony threatens to ban PS3 jailbreakers from network

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But

It's fine for Microsoft/XBOX then, I guess.

SONY's network, SONY's software, they set the rules. It's that simple, don't whine about it.

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Rhapsody bristles at Apple subscription grab

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Appropriate business response?

"Don't support Apple"

Just bung it on Android or WinMo or something, nay EVERYthing, else

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IT grad claims £5m for crap degree

g e
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FAIL

Fail

Oh, and a Fail, too.

And yes, you guessed it

A Fail icon to boot :oD

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Tax tribunal finds contractor wasn't employee

g e
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Flame

Fair point

Go get the industry experience, the required know-how, solid respected references, a killer CV to distill it all for a client to browse through and put your income where your mouth is and go contract independantly.

If you have the ability.

Of course, this assumes you're in a career path that has any progression. 'Shop Assistant' really doesn't come up very often in the job boards and tender lists, so you may need to retrain as something useful/skilled, also.

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g e
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Your Sir-ship-ness

You're absolutely right there but...

I've also been fortunate enough to meet some seriously shit-hot contractors who are well worth their rate, too.

The crap ones don't get asked back and you can bin them off quickly enough cos they're NOT employees ;o)

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Microsoft's IE9: Don't believe the hype

g e
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Firefox spellcheck

Free for personal use

And corporate.

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g e
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Me too

First Direct still mandate using IE for Internet Banking Plus (ordinary internet banking works nicely on anything) which they defended as saying their site had been security tested etc, etc, which yes, is fine, until you factor in the actual browser itself is possibly compromised, not their site, and they don't have control of that.

Maybe someone at First Direct will even read this and get a clue.

... and then I woke up

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g e
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VirtualBox

That is all.

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Flying dildo downs Oz stag party bloke

g e
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More likely

the a mate Farcebooked it there n then and the media 'received word' of said event :o)

I'd Farcebook that immediately complete with snap!

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PS3 jailbreak judge refuses to rescind GeoHot order

g e
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Should make for an easy appeal

"The Judge demonstrated no competent understanding of the technical issues involved and was therefore insufficiently able to pass down an informed judgement"

Simples

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Malware endemic even on protected PCs

g e
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Shock news!

Antivirus is at least partly snakeoil.

And also no substitute for educating yourself and using common sense.

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Apple's casual Xbox: Apple TV seeded for online gaming

g e
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Controller

It's a handheld electronic device with buttons and joysticks on it that allows you to interact with the software.

Or, in your case, a meatsack

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Iranian web developer faces death over porn site charges

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Edit profile

Religious views:

Too many people die from it

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Nominet asks what you think of police domain grab

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reasonable grounds

'Evidence' would be better, this is the UK police after all.

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Mumsnet backtracks support for net filter

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We were hopeful that there could be a simple solution

Right.

And which, CuddleFluffyMumsieKins exactly, has the technical fucking werewithal to produce this hi-tech panacea?

These la-la land people are precisely why safety labels should be removed from everything allowing Darwin to steer his true course.

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Google, antitrust, and the 'Copygate' hypocrisy

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A highly polished result

Yes, it was very shiny but lacked most things that other phones had had for a long time.

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Three jailed for phone box thievery

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There's something better than prison

It's a called a boat. Preferably a leaky one.

Why it seems like a good idea to someone to pay for their detention for up to 9 years instead of telling them to fuck off and don't come back unless they want to be <strike>shot</strike> put in prison I do not know.

Lifetime suspended 3-year sentences enforced upon their return to UK soil would be a shitload cheaper and possibly even effective.

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