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* Posts by g e

2737 posts • joined 16 Jul 2007

Life-size Portal gun to shoot onto shelves soon

g e
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Ohh but there WAS cake!

Right at the end where the robohand snuffs out the candle on one....

Cake was not lies!

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New driver-snooping satnav could push down UK insurance premiums

g e
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Yeah

On the back of an Insurance Organisation lobby

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g e
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Meh

They will

You just know it. Or, charge a massive amount for not doing it.

Nothing to hide? Nothing to fear.

It would be nice if one day insurance companies could afford computers that could count into double digits for no claims years, too. Given the premiums they charge you'd think they could support no claims back to the birth of the Universe by now.

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g e
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Errr but

How does it know if I've taken the car onto a track? Presumably if buffers stuff & sends it to the SatNav next connection, perhaps if the satnav is on then it knows where you are and disregards data.

Mind you I don't pay anywhere near £1k insurance either, thankfully...

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Revealed: Apple's plea for fairness in mobile patent war

g e
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FAIL

HAHAHAHAHAHA!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

*breathe*

So, maybe their idiot lawyer just worked out they fecked up massively and that Samsung actually have them over a barrel with the whole FRAND whinge unless they can change the barrel itself!

Go Saaaamsung! Go Saaaamsung! Go Saaaamsung!

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Russians drill into buried 20 million-year-old Antarctic lake

g e
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Instructional videos

For people who like to dig up old shit and zap stuff with radiation...

The Thing

The Mummy

The Incredible Hulk

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Apple eyes ISPs to sell 'iTV'

g e
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FAIL

Uber Meh

Granted it's not a UK-focussed article but my ISP won't be trying to sell me an iTV (or whatever it gets called in the UK cos we already have an ITV thank you very much). Mostly cos my ISP is SKY, to be fair but if it weren't the answer would be 'OK, so... explain to me why I need to replace my perfectly fine 42" TV and buy some streaming thing in addition to Netflix on my PS3? Oh, cos it's Apple? well why didn't you SAY so at the start! I could have had the last five minutes of my life back. **click**'

(I'm assuming itv will be hardware TV + streaming/cloud subscription, of course)

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Boffins uncloak G-rated teledildonic breakthrough

g e
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At last

Jordan may have a business model.

(No not the Middle East Jordan you fools, the one with the comedy fake tits and too much makeup)

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Czechs, Slovaks stall on ACTA

g e
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Dear Stupid American Corporations.

You really think a countries like Czecho & Slovakia are going to bend over for this crap when they're only a generation or two out of Soviet oppression?

Losses of Expression & Liberty are too close in memory for these people to give it up for your corporate profit and personal gain.

We owe these guys for standing up where our own nations are too spineless, feeble and US-owned.

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g e
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@Old Handle

Get to Prague. Quick-sharp.

You'll never want to leave.

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Scientists weave battery into clothing

g e
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A boon to women everywhere!

Prolonged vibrating knicker-lifetime!

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Apple TV surfaces on Best Buy

g e
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FAIL

$1499 for a 42" TV?

2005 called, they want their flatscreen TV prices back.

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Anonymous hackers leak Scotland Yard-FBI conference call

g e
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Boot, meet other foot

It's OK for them to tap calls willy nilly but shock horror and OUTRAGE!

When they get a bit of their own medecine, eh?

The difference between a legal and illegal wiretap is mostly your job title while you're doing it.

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iPhones yanked from German shelves in Motorola patent war

g e
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Joke

Cupertino has been a good deal more chatty lately

Any friend is more than no friends.

Even if it's El Reg ;o)

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Apple iPad beats Amazon Kindle Fire in satisfaction survey

g e
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Go

I'd get a Fire, yeah

Dirt cheap, root it, fit Android, etc. Not at all 'ashamed' of not overspending on shiny gadget. Eminently sensible if you ask me but...

I've not seen a tablet from anyone yet that makes me think 'must have', though. The Transformer Prime is kinda nice, the SONY tablet seems good too as does the Galaxy (bar the stupid connections) but must have? No. Not one of them.

I'd still need a laptop to Get Things Done and my Desire HD does a fine job for reading email and other 'tabletty' bits and pieces (like tunes, satnav, reminders, farcebook, G+, ebay, etc) on the move. No way do I need to cart around another gadget that doesn't do some things the phone does and doesn't do a load of things the laptop does and pay hundreds for the privilege. That's just daft.

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g e
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Trollface

Meh

Like an Apple device owner would ever CONSIDER scoring it less than 11 out of 10 even if they secretly hated it.

It would be an admission to themselves that they bought techno-tat if nothing else and there one thing an Appleist hates above 'being wrong'...

** Seen to be 'being wrong'. **

Troll cos, well it's not a pro Apple missive (as if mine ever are) so I must be, right?

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Samsung 'Galaxy 4S' pic posted

g e
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Apple will drag it in

Just to bog down Samsung

At least they now have one less patent to wave in the air thanks to Germany.

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g e
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Go

Haha - 4S

Are Samsung trying to create a meme/whatever of 'Thing 4S' being a replacement for a Thing that turned out to be rumourware, vapourware or just a plain no-show and a lacklustre-by-comparison/expectation 4S version appeared instead?

Like the Jag CX-75 (sp?) that was supposed to run on gas turbines and have a miniscule CO2 footprint and actually turned up with a different engine, that could be a 'Jaguar CX-75 4S', etc

Cunning, if it takes off as an idea... may I suggest : David Cameron's New Britain 4S ?

Or perhaps : Facebook Valuation 4S ?

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Facebook IPO: Boom or bubble?

g e
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And how do they measure 'time on site' per user?

I have an FB window open all the time. In a different tab to the one I'm actually USING.

If they measure visiting time on site by their timer fetching background updates then those figures are heavily fraudulent because the lights are indeed on but the curtains are resolutely drawn.

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JEDI alliance: Jellyfish overlords won't rule Earth after all

g e
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Black Helicopters

Of course there's no apparent increase

They are hiding in their undersea bunkers awaiting word from High Command

My car is black. Like my helicopter.

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Samsung says no to MWC Galaxy S III launch

g e
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At their own event

They can invite who they want and NOT who they don't want.

They can't deinvite Apple to MWC

That said, the SG3 is the only thing holding me off trying out a Galaxy Note for my impending upgrade

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Zuck plots carefully considered Facebook IPO

g e
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Facepalm

Oh look who won the Crunchies best Social Application!

Hint: It's not Facebook

I'm still offering fifty quid for Facebook, Marko, it's not too late.

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Gov's 'open data' strategy: It'll cost too much and won't work

g e
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I think they'll find

that if they open just the datasets then the Open Source developer community will likely do many of the queries/mashups for them.

Or are they saying they haven't got any boxes capable of the actual workload? I bet Google would loan them a containerful of optimised data-munching servers at a fair price and even promise not to suck at the info out of it.

It does seem to be the Will rather than the Way that's lacking...

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EU snaps on glove, starts formal antitrust probe of Samsung

g e
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An interesting parallel?

Apple are also (technically) in breach of their W3C membership for claiming some HTML5 patent and refusing to share/play-by-the-rules if I remember correctly, too. Something I think the W3C is trying to remind them of, diplomatically, so far.

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g e
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Happy

If that's the case ....

Then Samsung are likely well aware of it and maybe even the investigation is a foregone conclusion in Samsung's favour, effectively, with the investigation being a formality that Samsung expected to take place and yielding the expected result of no wrong-doing which then paves the way for Samsung to do WTF they want with Apple, involving bending over, device banning and expensive licensing to be allowed an *existence* in the EU market and maybe beyond. Apple may well be asking very politely if perhaps they could have the dolly back in the pram, now, please. Yeah Apple can buy their screens from LG or whomever but don't Samsung make the CPU chips in the Apple gear and therefore own the IC designs which mean they sorta own the code if no-one can make a chip to do the same thing without a complete codebase rewrite on Apple's part for another processor?

Don't wake me up, I wanna see how this dream ends...

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iPhone doc will detect cancer, diabetes - boffins

g e
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Time for a new patent

Patent the 'Lick' gesture on a touchscreen mobile device

Samsung, are you listening ?

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New Blighty crime map will track crooks' punishment

g e
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Joke

So, can you search for 'Catholic Churches' ?

</nuff_said>

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g e
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Yeah, ok, except

Those housing price websites will intergrate it and it'll be one click for the Fail Massive to see

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iPads propel Apple to PC market top slot

g e
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Cos most people

Just need Facebook, Email, IM & YouTube, not PC's, as they don't actually DO anything

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g e
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WTF?

WTF?

So tablets are PC's now??? That's crazy.

Yeah it's a Personal Computer in the same sense my damned phone is (though my phone also makes & receives calls, making an iFad less functional), but would you seriously use a tablet to do the stuff you do on a PC?

Yes, compose email. Yes surf the web.

No, non-linear video editing. No, graphics retouching/editing.

Yes I'm sure you CAN edit audio and video on a tablet but you know what I mean. PROPERLY. Even the most awkward and bloody-minded of you lot know what I'm getting at.

If you're including tablets then you must include phones as they have the same functionality in a smaller form factor or does a 'PC' have to have a minimum screen size of, say, an Apple tablet device and no phone ability (until Apple put it in then it MUST have it, presumably) to qualify?

I smell fudge and not in a good way.

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Brit pair deported from US for 'destroy America' tweet

g e
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Riiiiight

Cos all terrorists post their plans on Twitter, right?

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g e
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Joke

Is that the same

CAMEROON who has a mate called ALI who likes to SHOOT semi-nude fireman calendars with the OFFICERS dressed as CIVILIANS for charity?

Ooops I mis-spelt Cameron's name

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g e
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How to DDOS the DHS

What a splendid HowTo, cheers El Reg!

Now, imagine if everyone tweets the a link with the article title intact...

>>Clickety<<

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Climategate ruling: FOIA requests cover backup servers too

g e
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That's cos they like to FLY to summits/conferences

</nuff>

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g e
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Cos most people

Watch Keremy Kyle, X-Factor, think microwaving a plastic tub of goo is 'cooking' and "read" The Sun or (worse) The Daily Fail.

It's called the lowest common denominator and there's a reason virtually all media and politicians pander to it when there's not more advantageous sectors for achieving their specific goal. It's also the demographic that is least able to think for itself, hence why they're happy for media/politics to instruct them on how to live their lives.

Harsh? But likely fair...

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g e
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Stop

Too bloody true.

I don't believe any eco-mentalist stuff because you never know these days who is behind it and with what financial motive. Things seem to be getting warmer but given that we're only 93M miles from a gigantic unshielded fusion reactor the man-made argument is weak enough without all the money-grabbing spin-meister shilling going on increasing our cost of living almost daily, essentially because they can.

The lights are on but the curtains are drawn...

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Media groups propose anti-piracy 'code of practice' for UK search

g e
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Fly. Ointment

Come, come, Mr Bond. Surely you don't expect me to believe you want us to have a balanced debate?

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g e
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Facepalm

NO

Because once anyone agrees to this arbitrary code of practice you KNOW the scope creep will begin based upon 'Well, they're already doing THIS, so it's just a small step for them to do THAT with their search engine, too'

Yet again Big Media is in denial and secretly punting the subconscious message of 'buy your media secondhand cos it's the same quality as new'

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Newt Gingrich wants Moon to be 51st US state

g e
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Mushroom

I thought we already were

Given that the British Military seems to be the deniable elite ops arm of US foreign policy, notwithstanding the way UK.gov bends over every time a ranking Yank politican yells drop 'em city-boy.

Are we really still owned by the USA following the cost of hiring them as cannon fodder at the end of WWII with our gold reserve & British US-based businesses? Perhaps if we did something to keep our top boffins and inventors INSIDE the UK for a change...

Kaboom, cos no doubt someone will offer to nuke my scrawny limey ass back to the stoneage for me. As they do.

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g e
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By Newt's reckoning, then

Space is owned by the Russians cos Yuri got there first.

Is he called Newt cos of his brain ?

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IBM demos new nanotech

g e
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WTF?

"utilized to product high performance devices"

Did he really use the noun 'product' as a verb??

It's PRODUCE you numbskull. I bet he's a fan of crappo phrases like 'in-branch', and associated Corporate-verbiage ... more like Copra-verbiage if you ask me ;o)

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Google exec questions Reding's 'Right to be forgotten' pledge

g e
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Has anyone wondered

If this fairly odd piece of law has actually been quietly lobbied into place by celebs who're worried about their 'off brand' activites getting published?

Mind you there's many 'celebs' who really should be forgotten forever, most of them participate in 'reality tv'...

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g e
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Joke

I will defend my right for Erasure

and Yazoo

and The Pet Shop Boys

...

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Netflix vs Lovefilm

g e
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Netflix won in our house

Have both on the PS3, Lovefilm was clunky unintuitive and had no search (maybe they do now they have competition but a fail is a fail).

Netflix UI is nicer, has lots of TV shows and a better selection of movies than Lovefilm had last time I could be arsed to load it's ugly ass up and fail to find anything I wanted to watch.

Lovefilm's getting canned, don't care about disc rentals.

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Apple and Google ramp up proxy war

g e
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"Google's side wants Apple to leave it alone"

Though if a court happened to hand down a judgement that seriously jiggered up Apple I'm sure they'd not mind so much...

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Try a 'shroom before ruling on chill pills, boffin tells gov

g e
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Careful with that dosage, Eugene

I, for one, can attest to the recreational possibilities of 250 very fresh shrooms....

Beware the dose size!

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g e
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Hah!

Those two qualities alone will make the gubbernment keep the stuff banned

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Starship Voyager dumped into skip

g e
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FAIL

The real issue here is...

WTF she has been paying the mortgage on the place for the last 17 years if she doesn't live there...

That guy's pad has been on the TV and everything, can't be like she didn't know he was Trekking it out.

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SOPA from a distance: multiplying the trade threats

g e
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Stop

Or...

Erect a digital ringfence around the USA. No matter how important the USA likes to think it is to the Rest of the World, it isn't.

Especially when Rest of the World isn't sharing their money with it's digital economy. Maybe even erect a non-US-controlled (non*anyone* controlled) decentralised DNS system, to boot (no I don't have any architectural suggestions as to how that might work, currently).

The USA, who're they? Ohhh I remember now, are they still going?

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'Space Monkey' craze: Texan students 'get high' by choking each other

g e
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Pint

Yet again

Darwin intervenes where health systems artificially preserve life which without intervention Nature would otherwise have left stillborn...

Balance shall be restored!

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