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* Posts by Graham Marsden

4990 posts • joined 19 Jan 2007

Watchdog bites Mattesons saucy sausage ad

Graham Marsden
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Coat

Innuendo....?

... isn't that an Italian suppository?

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Graham Marsden
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FAIL

We need a "Won't Someone Think Of The Children!" icon...

... next to be banned: repeats of Carry-on films, saucy sea-side postcards, St Trinians films...

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To the Moon - with extreme engineering

Graham Marsden
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Boffin

Joke?

Snopes is your friend: http://www.snopes.com/business/genius/spacepen.asp

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Too-tall terror snapper stopped by cops again

Graham Marsden
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@Chris Hunt

> I don't mind telling them who I am and showing whatever ID I might have on me (if any). I know I don't have to, but if it gets him out of my hair so be it. If he wants a look at my pics, that's probably OK too if I don't have anything better to do.

And every time that happens it simply justifies their actions and weakens the right of everyone else to "Go about their lawful business without let or hindrance".

Ihre Papier, Bitte!

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Bank fined £3m for data loss

Graham Marsden
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Grenade

Why not....

... instead of fining the bank, fine the Directors. That should make them start taking this seriously!

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Firefox 3.7 swivels glassy eye

Graham Marsden
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FAIL

So...

... how do I turn off the fancy see-through rubbish and the pretty buttons and so on which add absolutely nothing to my ability to browse but just slow everything else down by increasing the unnecessary processor overhead?

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Google aims at mobile operators' money supply

Graham Marsden
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Grenade

@npupp 1

You were lucky with the ads in the Taxi.

In one of Robert Heinlein's stories (I think Podkayne of Mars) there are taxis with holographic adverts in them and the only way to do anything about them was to bribe the taxi driver to turn them down!

Grenade because... ;-)

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Google lights up Moon on Apollo 11 anniversary

Graham Marsden
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Happy

@Neil Paterson

> Why no streetview?

Well, when Google tried, their robot's progress was disrupted by a group of small woollen creatures...

See http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HArUmqqiL0s for details!

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Deutsche Bank sacks two for spying

Graham Marsden
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Big Brother

But...

... nothing like that would ever happen in the UK, would it...?

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It shouldn't happen to a vetting database

Graham Marsden
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FAIL

You can trust us...

... but we don't trust you.

- HM Government

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Swine flu will [enter scare words here]...

Graham Marsden
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Big Brother

Swine flu will...

...make it easier for Terrorists to get into the UK and it's probably all an Al Qaeda plot anyway, so let us check your DNA for traces of flu, just go along to your local Police Station and while you're there, why not sign up for an ID card - Government Spokesman.

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Apple sued over shrink-wrapped Mafia death threats

Graham Marsden
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Black Helicopters

Where...

... is the tinfoil hat icon...?

The Mafia doesn't have any Black Helicopters.

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NASA orbiter returns first shots of Apollo moon sites

Graham Marsden
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So...

... where did Wallace and Grommit land...?

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Amazon vanishes 1984 from citizen Kindles

Graham Marsden
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Big Brother

We...

... control what you read!

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Ministry of Justice issues digital preservation code

Graham Marsden
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WTF?

"the right to access information has become a cornerstone of our democracy"

Provided you don't actually try to get any information out of our "democratically elected" Government...!

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Oz cops turn to wardriving to fight Wi-Fi 'jackers

Graham Marsden
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Joke

And of course...

... they're not using the unsecured systems to download lots of porn....

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Spooks' favourite IT firm tells Reg readers to grow up

Graham Marsden
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FAIL

Bullshit!

"What matters in terms of privacy, according to Detica, is how they're used."

No, what matters in terms of privacy is Data Troughing where every possible detail is being recorded on databases, whether it's actually needed (or justified).

"Where investigations are directed in a more focussed way it means members of the public will not be investigated unnecessarily"

No, members of the public should not be investigated *AT ALL* unless there are reasonable grounds for suspicion!

This is just a piece of post-hoc spin trying to justify holding large amounts of data by saying "trust us, we won't look too hard at your information, honestly!"

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Would you leave your child alone with a cabinet minister?

Graham Marsden
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Let me rephrase that for you...

"a one-off visitor, especially a government Minister, should never be left alone..."

Bunch of hypocrites. "Do as we say, not as we do. We're trust-worthy, you aren't".

Well, sorry, no, we don't trust you. I wonder why...?

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Mysterious organic blobs found in Alaskan waters

Graham Marsden
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Alert

Ph'nglui mglw'nafh...

... Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtan!

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OpenOffice bug/feature stirs 'horde of angry chimps'

Graham Marsden
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Boffin

So why not...

... just put in a check for if any fields are currently hidden and and will be affected, then, if so, pop up a message "Warning: This action will over-write data in hidden fields, do you wish to proceed? Yes/ No"?

Problem solved.

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Government defeats Tories in 'McKinnon' extradition vote

Graham Marsden
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Pirate

@Good old Labour party...

> please Gordon, put us all out of our misery - call an election

Co-incidentally Number 10 has just replied to the Petition calling on the Government to hold an election now. Guess what their response is...?

http://www.number10.gov.uk/Page20043

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UK to get Kindle in Christmas stocking?

Graham Marsden
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Pirate

In the US...

... it seems the Kindle 2 costs $299

What's the betting that here it will cost £299??

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Builder blacklist boss hit with £5,000 fine

Graham Marsden
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FAIL

Hmm...

1) Get paid £478,937

2) Get fined £5000

3) PROFIT!

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Airbed-fixing German blows up mattress flat

Graham Marsden
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Joke

Are you sure it was an airbed...

... not another sort of inflatable like a certain Australian was caught stealing...?!

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Child protection groups undermine Aussie Firewall

Graham Marsden
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Cenordyne...

... what an excellent ad!

(Wish we'd done something like that for the Dangerous Pictures Act...)

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DNA database swells despite human rights ruling

Graham Marsden
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FAIL

@Alex D

> Is it such a bad idea for the police to have a database of DNA?

Ask Raymond Easton, the guy who, although suffering from Parkinsons Disease (which meant that he could barely walk to the front door unaided) was, none the less, arrested by Swindon Police on behalf of Greater Manchester Police because his DNA was "found" at the scene of a burglary. Except it turned out that it wasn't his DNA and it was a false positive.

http://archive.thisiswiltshire.co.uk/2000/8/15/238098.html

The fact that the guy was virtually immobile appeared to be utterly irrelevant to the Police, who in their simple minded way, decided that because there was a DNA match, he *must* have been the criminal.

Now imagine that you sneeze into a hanky, someone else steals that hanky and drops it a the scene of a crime. "Oho!" says Mr Plod, "Let's check our database... Aha! Mr Alex D I arrest you for the crime of not thinking a bit more about the risks of false positives..."

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Kent Police clamp down on tall photographers

Graham Marsden
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Big Brother

Flash Mob!

Why not have someone "look suspcious" in Chatham High street by taking a few photos, then, as soon as Plod starts taking exception, have another 50 photographers all grab cameras out of their bags etc and start taking pictures of the PC/ PCSO...!

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MontaVista boasts 1-second Linux boot

Graham Marsden
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@Dave 31

Don't forget the BBC Micro.

Bee-Beep!

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Save journalism, online newspaper publishers beg EC

Graham Marsden
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Boffin

a small piece of code...

... which would instruct these services to ignore the pages.

You mean like robots.txt...?

And if they still want "the attention search engines bring", why not have an un-robots.txt blocked section that has the headlines and nothing else, so people have to click on the headline and visit their site to get the article...?

Not exactly rocket science.

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Italian bride's bouquet downs ultralight

Graham Marsden
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FAIL

Mode = Rocky Horror

I really loved the skillful way,

You beat the other girls to the bride's bouquet...

... erm...

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Cyclists offered cut-price shag at German brothel

Graham Marsden
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Joke

Two nuns on a penny-farthing...

... one says to the other "I"ve never come this way before"...

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US thesp to attempt audacious tw*tdangle

Graham Marsden
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FAIL

Snickers bars - sponsors of Feeding America

Hmm, tell us about the nutritional value of Snickers bars. (Don't forget to mention the high sugar content which encourages obesity...)

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Mobile directory blames press for latest failure

Graham Marsden
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FAIL

Oh dear, how sad...

... too bad!

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Did the Vatican suppress hidden 'Galileo Cryptogram'?

Graham Marsden
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FAIL

LOBLOSCK!

There's a cryptogram for you...

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Orange UK drops DRM

Graham Marsden
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Now how about...

... they drop this ridiculous "equivalency" that assumes that £1 = $1 and stops charging us 79p for a track that the Yanks can buy for 79c?

Hint 79 cents is 48 pence...

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Written material saved from censor's big black pen - for now

Graham Marsden
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Don't break out the champagne yet...

As Mark above points out, the Dangerous Drawings Act has been waved through with barely a murmur after a discussion at the Committee Stage by a one lot of people with an agenda and another lot who didn't really have a clue refusing to listen to those who pointed out how stupid this law would be and there is still the possibility that the Dangerous Writings Act might get the same treatment at the Report Stage...

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Home Office gets another ad agency for ID cards

Graham Marsden
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FAIL

So...

... just how much more of our money is the Government going to piss away on their Quixotic desire to convince us that they can be trusted with all our information and ID and that we're not going to have to carry a card to show we have their permission to walk down the street?

ELECTION NOW, GORDON!

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Coming soon: clothes that take photographs

Graham Marsden
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Plod will love this...

... Excuse me Sir, but was your jacket taking a photograph of this building which may be of use to terrorists...?

Mine's the 12MP coat...

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US docs claim world record musical-kidneys game

Graham Marsden
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@Anonymous Coward Posted Thursday 9th July 2009 14:33 GMT

> I often wonder why organ donation isn't an opt-out system, apart from religi-tards I don't know anyone who objects to the process.

I am not a religi-tard and I am signed up as an organ donor however I certainly object to the idea of it being "opt out" because it is my *CHOICE* to donate.

The State should not get to decide what happens to my body at ANY time, allowing this sets a dangerous precedent.

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NHS Direct gets to be number one, one, one

Graham Marsden
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Unhappy

Re: 101

I'm in Portsmouth and I've actually used 101 a few times for things that were worth contacting the Police for (eg idiots bombing up and down the road on a mini-moto late at night) but not worth dialling 999 about.

It was actually a good idea and I would have hoped to see it rolled out nationwide instead of being dumped...

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Data protection fee to cost bigger orgs £500 a year

Graham Marsden
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Boffin

Great. but now...

... how about actually giving the ICO some teeth instead of them only being able to wag a finger and say "naughty people, you should make customers' data secure"?

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New boffinry: North Atlantic could be massive CO2 sink

Graham Marsden
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Grenade

@Jody and Stevie

Congratulations! You get today's 20/20 hindsight award... See icon for details.

... of course if this turns out to have drawbacks that weren't obvious now, but turn up 20 years in the future, you'll be obliged to return the pin, although you can keep the rest...

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Cops to step up use of phone and net records

Graham Marsden
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@David 105

Yep, that's what I thought too, just as we keep being told how "successful" the use of DNA is in criminal investigations, even though in many cases the perp would have been caught without it.

Still, why let the facts get in the way of a good bit of spin...?

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Plod to get computer forensics 'breathalyser' next year

Graham Marsden
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FAIL

Part of the backlog...

... was caused by too many "speculative seizures" by technologically naive detectives.

And much of the rest was caused by them engaging in desperate fishing trips in the hope that they could find something, anything, on the computers that they could do the suspect for...

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Deal inked in US Navy 'R2-D2' raygun robo-turret plan

Graham Marsden
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Right on, Commander!

... I had a 4MW beam laser on my Cobra Mk III...

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Anti-smut Baroness sent to solitary

Graham Marsden
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"Daily Mail-pleasing" mode

And this is the real problem, coupled with them knowing that they're going to get a kicking at the next election.

So they're going to try to push through as much populist legislation as they can to make themselves look good in the media whislt, at the same time, force their personal agendas on the rest of us before they're thrown out of power.

When the two co-incide (as they might well do in cases like this) then we're in deep shit...

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NZ lad punts nude mum snaps on net

Graham Marsden
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Joke

As the old joke has it...

... Got any naked photos of your mother?

No.

Want to buy some...?

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Tory Lady tries to give bodice-rippers the snip

Graham Marsden
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Boffin

@Tony Davenport 1

> Writings about "acts likely to result in serious injury to anus" ...

> What have I done???

It's ok, as long as you weren't sexually aroused by them...

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Graham Marsden
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Flame

Icon for the burning of books...

... so that's every copy of the works of the Marquis De Sade, Venus in Furs by Sacher-Masoch, The Story of O by Pauline Reage...

How long before the British Taliban decide that even more stuff must be banned to protect our Moral Purity...?

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US sinks $0.5bn into electromagnetic aircraft-throwers

Graham Marsden
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But does anyone get to say...

... Launch all Vipers!

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