* Posts by Graham Marsden

5378 posts • joined 19 Jan 2007

Facebook: 'We didn't patent stalking logged-off users'

Graham Marsden
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Big Brother

Or, to put it more succinctly...

... Facebook is Watching You!

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Microsoft updates Hotmail to deal with grey spam

Graham Marsden
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"as a result of having signed up on a legitimate website"

Or as a result of that "legitimate website" automatically opting you in to a newsletter without asking you, or because a site you *did* sign up to then sells your details on to a site which you *didn't* sign up to, or as a result of some spammer using your e-mail address in their list which then gets harvested by another list or by...

In other words if I, personally, didn't sign up to it willingly and knowingly, then I reserve the right to call it spam!

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Facebook games teach teens bad habits

Graham Marsden
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Childcatcher

OMG!!!

THERE'S PEEDOS EVERYWHERE!!!!!

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22,000 'freetards' escape Hurt Locker piracy suit

Graham Marsden
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WTF?

Err, WTF???

"22,000 Freetards escape Hurt Lock piracy suit" says your headline, but then you go on to say that "90 per cent of the file sharers caught up in the Hurt Locker downloading case dismissed"

This tends to imply that (certainly in this case) they aren't "Freetards" because they *didn't* actually download something and then try to justify infringing someone else's copyright )or, at least there's no proof that would hold up in court).

Or does using any file sharing service now automatically mean that you're a "Freetard" no matter what you share??

Not impressive, El Reg.

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UK punters happy to pay £3 to top up e-wallets

Graham Marsden
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Holmes

"paying nothing wasn't an option"

In other words, the survey was rigged to *only* get an answer of "how much are you willing to pay?" not "are you willing to pay at all?".

I'm sure if there was a "paying nothing" option, that would by far have outstripped all other options.

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Final insult for Full Tilt as Channel Islands kill its licence

Graham Marsden
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"how can you be *certain* that an on-line poker is genuine?"

There's an old saying: If you sit down at a poker table and you can't spot the sucker, it's you!

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NASA: 'Asteroid armageddon less likely than we feared'

Graham Marsden
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WTF?

So...

... the USA and Russia simultaneously detonated huge nuclear bombs...?

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Boffins prove Queen ballad 'world's most catchy song'

Graham Marsden
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Trollface

Hold a chicken in the air...

... stick a deckchair up your nose...!

(What do you mean, you don't remember Spitting Image? Kids these days...)

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Logitech fined for bogus bug-busting keyboard ad

Graham Marsden
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"Self sanitizing phone"

What? And put all those Telephone Sanitizers out of a job (and onto the B-Ark)...?!

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Boffins invent miracle pill that counteracts effects of booze

Graham Marsden
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WTF?

So...

... you take a pill to stop you feeling drunk, so you can drink more and, whoops, goodbye liver...!

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WTF is... HbbTV?

Graham Marsden
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@AC

Telesoftware actually started in 1983, although it wasn't until several years later that I acquired the teletext decoder for my BBC Model B :-)

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Aussie parrots hit the sauce and hit the deck

Graham Marsden
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Pint

Strewth mate...

... I had a hangover yesterday and felt as sick as a parrot...!

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Reebok used 'very fit woman' in buttock-related deception

Graham Marsden
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Facepalm

What...?!

You mean that when adverts for fitness gimmicks show incredibly toned and muscled athletic types demonstrating the products those people *didn't* get their bodies from simply using that product but actually do a lot of *other* exercise *and* eat properly?

My illusions are shattered...!

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Schoolteachers can't teach our kids to code, say engineers

Graham Marsden
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Or do like I did...

... I learned 6502 assembler on the BBC Micro by initially using Exmon to hack games for infinite lives!

(Of course these days kids don't play vertically/ horizontally scrolling shoot-em-ups, don't know they're born, mutter, mutter...)

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Chocolate weighed in Schwarzeneggers: Official

Graham Marsden
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Trollface

Any noun in the English language...

... can be verbed!

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Gutsy golf-club granny collars crim in Flying Squad bust

Graham Marsden
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Coat

Hmm...

"... so what do you think, Jenkins, should I choose a 1 Wood for hitting power or a 7 iron for more precise control?"

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Veggies tricked into dating meat-gobbling escorts

Graham Marsden
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There are a whole bunch of similar sites...

... on Failbook offering dates according to whatever "targetted" information it can dredge out of your personal preferences.

Like Salsa Dancing? Join Salsa Dance Dating!

Like Real Ale? Join Real Ale Drinking Girls!

Like Computers? Too bad, sunshine!

Of course you have to pay to join and there's no guarantee that they'll actually find someone in your town/ country/ continent who's interested in the same thing...

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Poll: Porn-watching, net-savvy kids are a myth

Graham Marsden
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Happy

@Simon Harris

Of course what was even better was when a mate's dad ran a newsagent and there was an occasional bit of "stock shrinkage"...

... erm allegedly...

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Should your system offer Mr, Ms ... and Mx?

Graham Marsden
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On an application form...

... a friend filled in recently, the options were Male/ Female/ Other which whilst not perfect is at least a reasonable attempt.

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Power cut knocks Miliband off-air mid-speech

Graham Marsden
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Black Helicopters

Labour's plans to license journalists...

"Say things we like, or we take away your licence..."

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Internet fails to dethrone TV news (so far)

Graham Marsden
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Happy

I get all my news from...

... The Register!

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Virtual cloud monkeys go bananas writing Shakespeare

Graham Marsden
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Orphan works...?

I hope he doesn't end up getting sued by Google...

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Drinking alcohol wards off asthma

Graham Marsden
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Pint

@Thomas 4

Erm, you might want to check the origin and meaning of Akvavit, Uisge Baugh, Vodka, Aqua Vitae...

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NASA to trial laser-powered space broadband

Graham Marsden
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Black Helicopters

What...?!

NASA are building space-based lasers to beam signals down to the planet...??

Where's my tin-foil hat?!?!

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Ancient auto: still running, up for sale

Graham Marsden
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1850s Conestoga Wagon & similar era Buckboard

"No, Ma'am, I said *buck* board, but as the saying has it: 'a ride for a ride'..."

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Google lets newsmakers tag favourite stories

Graham Marsden
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Facepalm

BREAKING NEWS!!!

[Insert micro-celebrity's name here] was photographed doing [insert mildly scandalous or salacious tittle-tattle here] along with [Insert another micro-celebrity's name here] last [day/ week/ month/ year]

This is obviously *SUCH* important news that it *MUST* take priority over everything else because we say so!!!

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Google Wallet and PayPal in electro-purse war

Graham Marsden
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So...

.... handbags at dawn, then...?

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Brits registering .uk domains mostly get first choice

Graham Marsden
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@Ru

Are you in the legal profession? It certainly sounds like it to me, because you seem to be in favour of a system that is designed to give lots of money to lawyers.

When I set up my business on the web I decided to go for .co.uk because that was the most appropriate suffix being a UK company, not realising that world+dog (especially in the USA) would go for .com even if it wasn't appropriate for them.

So now there's a .com version of my domain which I'd like to get, but it's sitting parked, doing nothing because some greedy company wants $3000 for it, an amount that I'm not willing to pay (even if I could afford it given the current state of the economy) and neither am I willing to fork out similar amounts to register a trademark and then try to fight through the long and convoluted process of proving that I am entitled to that domain because either way I'd end up losing money.

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Graham Marsden
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WTF?

@Ru

So, you have a choice, pay the Domain Squatter (sorry, holding service) a few grand for the domain or spend a few grand registering a trademark and going through an ownership dispute...

Sounds like lose/ lose to me.

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Faster-than-light back with surprising CERN discovery

Graham Marsden
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Maybe...

... the Neutrinos just took a short cut...

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Yoof survey: 'Internet as vital as air'

Graham Marsden
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WTF?

When I were a lad...

*WHOOOP* *WHOOOP* *WHOOOP*

FOUR YORKSHIREMEN SKETCH WARNING!

*WHOOOP* *WHOOOP* *WHOOOP*

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Brit ISPs shift toward rapid pirate website blocking

Graham Marsden
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Devil

Great...

... so protecting the profits (and bonuses) of the multi-million pound international music and film industry by allowing them to demand that sites that they say are infringing their copyrights be closed *immediately* is *so* much more important than protecting small businesses from unjustified take-downs because someone posted something which, allegedly, infringes copyright on Friday evening and it won't be until Monday morning that they find out that their site has been down over the weekend as they didn't instantly jump to delete the offending post when the industry said they should.

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Facebook 'personal' news feed gets algorithm rejig

Graham Marsden
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Devil

Once again...

... Failbook decides what it thinks is important *for* you!

For certain values of "important"...

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GM OnStar cars will upload all data unless owners opt out

Graham Marsden
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WTF?

"eCall...

"...will also put a mobile phone into every car in Europe"

Great! So if you have a crash and you were using your mobile, it's ok because eCall put it in there, so it *must* be ok to use!

Oh, BTW, "if you want to travel anonymously after 2015 then best get yourself an (eCall-exempted) motorcycle", that's all well and good, but the EU wants to add a whole load of "safety" requirements to motorbikes like compulsory ABS, banning *any* modifications to engines, gearbox, sprockets etc (basically anything between the airbox and up to and including the rear wheel!), the possibility of roadside emission checks by Police etc, they could also end up emulating the current rules the French are trying to enforce where bikers are to be made to wear full sleeve hi-viz jackets because it's obviously *their* fault that drivers didn't see them!

MAG are organising a country-wide protest on Sunday the 25th so bikers can demonstrate exactly what they think of these proposals see http://www.mag-uk.org/en/campaignsdetail/a6883 for more details and if you're on the M27 Rownhams Services eastbound on Sunday, I'll see you there :-)

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1-in-3,200 chance* that a fiery satellite chunk will hit someone on Friday

Graham Marsden
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Pirate

Insurance...

... Certainly, Sir, I'll sell you this fantastic anti-satellite insurance policy.

If you're killed by a fragment of satellite I'll pay you one million pounds on personal application...

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Capital gets trendy address: .London on its way

Graham Marsden
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Holmes

"CentralNic...

"...has been aggressively pursuing new opportunities to keep businesses paying and paying for more and more domains which they don't need and don't want, but are going to have to register simply to stop someone else from squatting on them..."

There, fixed it for you!

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Schmidt ducks antitrust questions lobbed from Congress

Graham Marsden
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Devil

Do no evil...

... or if you do, don't get caught...!

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Hunt for long-lost Apollo 10 moon lander adrift in space

Graham Marsden
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Happy

Snoopy...

... Come Home!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Snoopy,_Come_Home

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Hunt: Online file-sharing is a 'direct assault on freedoms'

Graham Marsden
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@Clare (web specialist)

"Society" did nothing of the sort. A bunch of Labour MPs desperate for some publicity, seeing a band wagon they could jump on (and exploiting the grief of a mother whose daughter had died in what was actually probably a tragic accident), forced a piece of legislation (supported by policy based evidence making) onto the statute books without letting our elected representatives have sufficient time to debate the entire bill it was contained in.

It was left to the Lib Dems in the Lords to question it but they couldn't get enough support to block it because, as one Tory Peer admitted to me, "Tory Lords don't vote on Lib Dem amendments".

So we ended up with (yet another) nonsensical and utterly unenforceable piece of legislation on the statute books and if you are *really* a "web specialist" you would know perfectly well that attempting to enforce *any* restriction "across the internet" (even if only in the UK) is utterly impossible.

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Graham Marsden
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FAIL

@Clare (web specialist)

Right, so let's block *everything* that *might* possibly give access to "extreme" pictures (defined as "pictures that people like Clare (web specialist) don't like".

We can start with Google, Bing, Yahoo...

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Graham Marsden
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@Clare (web specialist)

Well firstly this "cross industry body" is going to target exactly what that *industry* doesn't want out there.

And secondly, apart from kiddy porn, what other "more objectionable" content on the internet would you like to see blocked according to the personal opinions of the people on this or some other such body?

We already have the Dangerous Pictures and Dangerous Drawings acts, what's next to be banned because "We don't like this, so you're not allowed to see it"?

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Graham Marsden
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Big Brother

"we must take care that...

"...power is never over-concentrated in a few hands"

Yet that is *exactly* what he is suggesting with a "cross-industry body [...] charged with identifying infringing websites against which action could be taken".

Does he *really* think that they are going to operate in the best interests of the public? Or are they just going to operate in the best interests of their profits and bonuses???

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Smut domain scores big bucks for not handling smut

Graham Marsden
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@Clare (web specialist)

I agree, given that extortion and blackmail are illegal, this sort of protection racket should be banned outright.

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MPs probe social networks' position following riots

Graham Marsden
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Devil

"Facebook has several hundred employees...

"...who constantly do damn all when people raise complaints about fake accounts, being unfairly blocked for 'spamming' when they haven't, and who block people from their own pages when the log in has been been hacked etc etc etc..."

There, fixed it for you!

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Scientists discover Tatooine-style world 200 lightyears off

Graham Marsden
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Everyone remembers Tattooine...

... but who remembers Helliconia?

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Microsoft demos creepy car stalking system

Graham Marsden
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Happy

Re: With apologies to the Beach Boys...

Damn, you beat me to it, I was going to post something similar ending with "She can't have fun, fun, fun 'cause dad's disabled the T-Bird today!"

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Facebook lets users have separated social, er, Circles

Graham Marsden
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Devil

"pre-defined templates"

And, of course, Face Book will not, at any time, arbitrarily decide to change the settings on your templates so suddenly what you thought was "Close Friends Group" only turns out to be going to "Work Group" or "Family Group" etc....

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Defendant presents Playmobil rendering of court in court

Graham Marsden
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Happy

"as long as people avoided...

"...unwholesome scenes of violence and the like."

Erm, I can think of a few Playmobil reconstructions by El Reg which might fall foul of this!!

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IBM’s Jeopardy super hired to search healthcare data

Graham Marsden
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Ah, that's one which...

... oh, sorry, you said *an*gina...

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Gravity wave detector gets more sensitive

Graham Marsden
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Happy

As Richard Feynman said...

"If you think you understand quantum mechanics, you don't"

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