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* Posts by Graham Marsden

4913 posts • joined 19 Jan 2007

Erotica 2011 stands firm against rise of the sex machines

Graham Marsden
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Boffin

Re: "Being a dominatrix is, er, an acquired skill?"

Most definitely. Regrettably, due to the influence of bad films, bad TV and bad fiction, many "working ladies" seem to have the idea that all you need to do is put on a corset and a pair of thigh boots and stamp around shouting and hitting someone with a whip.

The actual professional ladies (many of whom are customers of mine!) deride these people for their lack of competence and also for them bringing the whole idea of Safe, Sane and Consensual Domination into disrepute.

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Graham Marsden
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What it's like now...

I stopped taking a stall at Erotica back in 2003 and I've never regretted it.

The organisers are simply interested in how much money they can get from stall holders and punters and they long ago priced almost all the niche suppliers out of exhibiting. Now what you have is a cross between a glorified Ann Summers shop and totally irrelevant stalls eg tooth-whitening products made an appearance again!

Oh and next year's show is going to be held in the smaller National Hall instead of Olympia 2 because there are simply no longer enough people willing to pay the exhorbitant prices that Erotica are asking and the owners of Olympia won't let them make the aisles any larger. (If you went up to the gallery level and looked down you could see huge areas of empty carpet which, in long-ago years would have been filled with stalls).

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World population's appetite TO DOUBLE by 2050, boffin warns

Graham Marsden
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FAIL

@AC

Oh dear, I suggest you re-read my post (especially that last part in brackets) with your Irony Detector switched on!

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Graham Marsden
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Boffin

The solution...

... is not to increase food production, it is to *decrease* population growth!

Real world evidence has shown that improved education (especially of women) and making birth control easily available has had the clear and visible effect of stabilising populations, *that* is where the money should be focused.

(That and telling the Catholic Church to realise that when God said "Go forth and multiply and fill the Earth", he didn't say that a message would subsequently appear in the sky saying "The Earth is now full, please delete any unnecessary people..."!)

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Genetically modified mutants 'safe for release' into the wild

Graham Marsden
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Boffin

Selective breeding...

... != Genetic Modification.

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Manning to get day in court

Graham Marsden
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Boffin

@Matt Bryant

Are you suicidal? No? Ok.

(Waits 15 minutes...)

Are you suicidal now? No? Ok.

(Waits another 15 minutes...)

Are you suicidal yet?

(Waits another 15 minutes...)

Now imagine keeping that up for a day, two days, three days...

If you weren't suicidal at the start, you'd sure as hell be thinking about it after a few days.

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Graham Marsden
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And about time too!

The military have played all their little mind games, trying to break him down with ridiculous "suicide watch" behaviour etc, now it's time to find out how weak their case really is.

(PS to the El Reg Mods: The first post in this thread has presumably been marked for deletion so I can't downvote it or reply to it, but it still appears at the moment...)

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Poll: One in six interrupt bonking to answer mobile

Graham Marsden
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"Benny Hill tune"

ITYM Yakety Sax, popularised by Boots Randolph.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZnHmskwqCCQ

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Council not fined after 7,200 sensitive files dumped in skip

Graham Marsden
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Coat

The book which should have been stored in a locked cabinet...

... in a disused lavatory with a sign on the door saying "Beware of the Leopard"?

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Russian Mars probe heads into space WITHOUT ENGINES

Graham Marsden
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Alien

This is the voice...

... of the Mysterons. We know that you can hear us Earthmen.

Cease sending your spy probes to our planet or face our revenge!

Da-da dah da-da-da dum!

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UK retailers launch pre-Xmas sales Yank style

Graham Marsden
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"ape American traditions"

Try doing a bit more research.

Trick or Treating comes from the old tradition of "Guising" (as in disguise) which dates back to at least the end of the 19th century in Scotland and Ireland and versions are known from much earlier eg in the Middle Ages such as in the form of Christmas Wassailing.

See http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trick-or-treating for more details.

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Boffins one step closer to Terminator vision

Graham Marsden
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Terminator

But...

... will it display 6502 assembler like the T-800 did?

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Robot ostrich spy outpaces world’s fastest sprinters

Graham Marsden
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Coat

So is someone going to develop...

... a robot coyote to chase it?

Hmm, nah, it would be doomed to failure from the start, especially if it was built by Acme Corporation!

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Japanese boffins demo sound-powered vibe lights

Graham Marsden
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Boffin

"a solution in search of a problem."

That's what they said about the laser...!

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Women love phone cams, for snapping pics of cute babies

Graham Marsden
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Trollface

Calm down dear...

... it's only a survey...!

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Ten... noise-cancelling headphones

Graham Marsden
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Boffin

If you just want peace and quiet...

... a set of Howard Leight foam earplugs give 30db noise reduction and cost a couple of quid from motorbike shops :-)

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Clegg orders fresh review of UK extradition treaty

Graham Marsden
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@kain preacher

Since McKinnon didn't cause the deaths of hundreds in the US, the question is irrelevant.

The Americans are being completely ridiculous, exaggerating the cost of fixing their own security holes so they can parlay that into charges under a law that are only justified if they make stupid claims on how much "damage" was caused and the demanding to extradite McKinnon to cover their own backsides based on a one-sided treaty that should be thrown out by our Government.

Anything else is just smoke and mirrors.

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Graham Marsden
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@kain preacher

1) How many people died as a result of McKinnon's actions? How many died in Lockerbie as a result of the bomb? Do the words "sense of proportion" mean anything to you?

2) American law allows them to go into another country, commit a criminal act (kidnapping) and take someone back to America to be tried. The perpetrators of the kidnapping are not tried for any offence and the courts don't care *how* the suspect was brought there.

3) The current extradition treaty just requires *suspicion* from the US, but *proof* from the UK. Not exactly equitable, is it?

4) How would you like to be offered a "deal" where you're told "come and be tried in our country and plead guilty and we'll let you serve your sentence in your own country, refuse and if we get our hands on you we'll throw away the key"? Whatever happened to the concept of a fair trial or the presumption of innocence?

Now I'm going to downvote you.

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Microsoft seeks patent on employee spy system

Graham Marsden
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Big Brother

And...

... the beatings will continue until morale improves...!

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Web smut barons sue over .xxx 'shakedown'

Graham Marsden
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Good for them!

The .XXX domain has been a scam from the outset, akin to an old-fashioned Protection Racket ("Nice domain you have here, Squire, be a shame if anything happened to it, know what I mean?")

When you have both sides of the porn debate agreeing that it's a bad idea, it's clear something is wrong, but ICANN and ICM are only interested in the money.

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Southampton hampton vice shocker: Exclusive snap

Graham Marsden
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Coat

And...

... what are the Village People doing there? (Apart from seemingly encouraging a flash mob performance of YMCA...!)

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Greener Arctic may be down to lemming poo, not climate

Graham Marsden
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Coat

But...

... did anyone detect a squeaky voice saying "Let's go!"

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Boring BOFHs want cash prize more than space flight

Graham Marsden
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Pint

Trip of a lifetime...?

$102,000 and it's Beer o'Clock...!

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Romanian authorities cuff NASA hack suspect

Graham Marsden
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Trollface

But...

... which country is he going to be tried in...?!

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Obama says his birthplace is 'in Asia'

Graham Marsden
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Devil

@Chad H.

Ah, but you've got to remember that in the US you can vote for the Right Wing Party or the *REALLY* Right Wing Party, so anyone who even slightly drifts towards the centre is, by some weird sort of fuzzy logic, at least a Socialist if not an out and out Left Wing Pinko Commie!

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The new touchy-feely Doctor Who trend: Worrying

Graham Marsden
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@Grease Monkey

Sigh, I didn't say "you can't complain unless you can do better yourself". Read Mike JVX's post, he got the point I was making.

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Graham Marsden
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@Mike Brown

No, I'm saying if you think you can do better, why don't you.

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Graham Marsden
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FAIL

@Mike Brown

Fine, if you can do better, write a script and send it in to the BBC.

(Better put it through a spell checker first, though...)

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New human-brain chip can be adjusted for cannabis effect

Graham Marsden
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Facepalm

"New human-brain chip can be adjusted for cannabis effect"

And I thought that this would be about Wireheading from Larry Niven's Known Space books...!

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Army raygun to boost power with starlight de-twinkling tech

Graham Marsden
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@Alister

Yep, The Cardinal of the Kremlin. (It was called Fan Dance, although probably not in reference to Sally Rand's classic act! ;-) )

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Just trolling: It's OK to poke fun at Christians, says ASA

Graham Marsden
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Trollface

The advert is discriminatory...

... to goats because none of them were offered the position!

I'll just trit-trot along now...

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Brandjacked Google+ page slings insults at Bank of America

Graham Marsden
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Happy

"how could they tell this one wasn't from the real BofA?"

Because it *was* a pretty accurate summary of the aims of every big bank!

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Politicians call for Modern Warfare 3 censure

Graham Marsden
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Happy

@Yawn

"game that allows players to engage in gratuitous acts of violence against attention seeking Members of Parliament."

Now there's an idea...!

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Facebook says it's winning against Justin Bieber smut onslaught

Graham Marsden
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Trollface

Fortunately...

... I've not been exposed this horrendous and terrible onslaught which has affected so many people...

The photoshopped porn?

No, Justin Bieber!

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Gov justifies e-petitions as MPs mull upping debate threshold

Graham Marsden
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Big Brother

Exactly!

How *dare* people think that they have a democratic right to express an opinion? Don't the Proles know that they should keep their mouths shut and enjoy the Bread and Circuses of I'm Strictly an X-Factor Celebrity...

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Stripper nicked for 'nicking knickers' with kids in tow

Graham Marsden
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Joke

"The children were placed in the care of social services...

"...and earned Fleischmann a charge on child cruelty"

Erm, that might have been phrased better!!

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Cable broadband making more money than cable telly

Graham Marsden
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WTF?

Perhaps now...

... they can use all that money to provide a *RELIABLE* service!

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Bishop to bless road salt supplies for added winter safety

Graham Marsden
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@SoupDragon

The thing is, according to a friend who works in the Middle East, people there *do* drive like maniacs at high speeds with no seat-belts etc.

If you try to point out how dangerous this is they just shrug and say "Insh'Allah" (if God wills it), ie they believe that if it is Allah's will that they have a fatal crash, nothing they do can influence it anyway...!

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Graham Marsden
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WTF?

@Elmer Phud

I hope we're not talking the Stick and Bucket Dance here...!!!

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Graham Marsden
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Trollface

As someone once said...

... Religion was originally mankind's attempt to communicate with the weather!

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New anonymity rule on Euro airport body scanners

Graham Marsden
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@Captain Underpants

"Scans like this are a pre-emptive measure"

No, they're just another part of the ridiculous "we have to be seen to be doing something" Security Theatre.

See, for instance, this video clip of Adam Savage from Mythbusters who went through one of these scanners, got off the flight at the other end and then realised he was carrying two twelve inch industrial razor blades on his person..! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q3yaqq9Jjb4

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Salman Rushdie hissy-fit forces Facebook name U-turn

Graham Marsden
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FAIL

Like so many idiots...

... Khomenei didn't actually bother reading the book before condemning it.

Rather like a lot of commentards on this thread...

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Lego movie greenlighted by Warner Bros

Graham Marsden
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WTF?

"hybrid movie, [...] that arguably only worked once for Who Framed Roger Rabbit"

ORLY?

Here's Gene Kelly dancing with Jerry Mouse in Anchors Aweigh back in 1944: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uJzYKm1_Bvo&feature=related

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Web keeps bent politicians honest, says Google boss

Graham Marsden
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Re: "lies and misinformation about politicians"

It does, of course, also allow people the opportunity to check such stories, unfortunately those who are inclined to believe those stories will accept them without bothering to try to verify them anyway..

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Pass the wine, dear. Yes, that papier-mache thing

Graham Marsden
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FAIL

RTFA!

"All you would need to do is rip out the plastic lining and put the paper outer-casing in the bin or on the compost heap"

Did you not notice that bit or were you already composing your "Meh, it won't work!" response by the time you were half way down the article?

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Meanwhile in Japan: Your new best pal is a vending machine

Graham Marsden
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Coat

Go stick...

... your head in a pig! ;-)

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Yates of the Yard cleared of misconduct

Graham Marsden
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IPCC...

... AKA the Independent Police Cover-up Commission...

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Facebook ad helps Scot cops seize fake goods, drugs

Graham Marsden
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Trollface

There's this bloke called Mike Brown...

... he's got a flash PC and lots of other goodies in his house. I think he's a crook.

Why don't you give his place a spin and see what you can turn up...

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Mystery radioisotopes in Czech air are not from Fukushima

Graham Marsden
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Trollface

@NATO member?

Ah, so they're *friendly* radioactive isotopes...!

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Robo-bear helps snorers snooze more smoothly

Graham Marsden
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And what if...

... you like to sleep on your front...?

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