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* Posts by Graham Marsden

4974 posts • joined 19 Jan 2007

PayPal dispute ends in 'violin destruction'

Graham Marsden
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"I inherited a painting and a violin...

"... which turned out to be a Rembrandt and a Stradivarius. Unfortunately, Rembrandt made lousy violins and Stradivarius was a terrible painter."

- Tommy Cooper

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US military's non-lethal weapon plans revealed

Graham Marsden
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@Figgus

I'm glad to hear it, but as for the guy being "conservative", well when you've got a choice between voting for the Right Wing Candidate or the *really* Right Wing Candidate...!

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Graham Marsden
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FAIL

@laird cummings

Fuck Yeah!!

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Graham Marsden
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WTF?

@laird cummings

What I would prefer is for the US not to need such devices by realising that they're not Team America World Police and to stop trying to win "Hearts and Minds" by barging their way into a country and saying "We're going to liberate you so you can have a wonderful American style Democracy! (Whether you want it or not.)"

Mostly the only reason they need these devices to deal with crowds in the first place is because they're somewhere that they are *NOT WANTED* and the crowds just want them to get out of *their* country.

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Graham Marsden
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"Non-Lethal Weapons"?

Or just "Not Very Lethal" with acceptable (to the US Military etc) levels of "Collateral Damage"?

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Exotic Russian rock CAME FROM OUTER SPACE

Graham Marsden
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Are they sure...

... it didn't come from an exploding planet?

Mine's the one with the big S on the front ;-)

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Cops get 3D laser scanners for motorway crash sites

Graham Marsden
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Boffin

How much would it cost...

... to stop people driving like twunts on the motorway?

Perhaps if we dealt properly with middle lane Hogs, idiots yakking on their mobiles and not watching the road ahead, tailgaters, people who think that Lane 3 is the "fast lane", pillocks who think the safe stopping distance at 70mph is about 20 feet, morons who don't understand that when it's rainy your stopping distance increases, suicidal drivers who don't think that they should slow down in heavy rain or fog, prats who scythe across from lane 3 to lane 1 to take an exit which was clearly signposted a mile back, but they waited until the last minute to position for....

Accidents on motorways don't *just happen*, there's a reason for them and 99% of those are due to people driving stupidly.

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Rhino horn price spike drives record poaching

Graham Marsden
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Pirate

I'm pleased to announce that...

... new research has shown that a daily dose of PTMP (or Powdered Traditional Medicine Practitioner) has been shown to cure impotence, HIV, cancer and being terminally stupid!

So don't delay, powerder a Traditional Medicine Practitioner today!

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Area 51 to host sci-fi knocking shop

Graham Marsden
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Alien

Total Recall...

... pinched the idea from the Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy which had Eccentrica Gallumbits, the Triple Breasted Whore of Eroticon Six!

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2011 Reg roundup: Hacking hacks, spying apps and an end to Einstein?

Graham Marsden
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Boffin

Re: "did not *explicitly* delete"

But, none the less, because they *were* listened to, they were subsequently deleted, so whilst they weren't deliberately deleted by the illegal actions of people employed by the NotW, none the less their actions caused them to be deleted.

So, either way, the NotW *were* responsible for the messages being deleted.

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Boffins drill into human language by terrifying chimps with vipers

Graham Marsden
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Boffin

@CellDoc

Use of the word Boffin to refer to scientists dates back to before the Second World War, see: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boffin

(Boffin icon!)

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Apple’s Siri gets sweary with British child

Graham Marsden
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Trollface

Many years ago...

... local computer shops would have demo programs which would ask you to input your name. Naturally nobody would think of inputting the name "Idiot" in and then scrolling the page so "press enter" was the only bit visible such that when enter was pressed, the presser would be greeted with "Hello Idiot!"

And certainly nobody would edit the list of words in a Basic Hangman program to add a fine selection of obscenities either...!

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ALIEN ARTIFACTS can best be FOUND ON MOON

Graham Marsden
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Happy

@Mike Flubennock

Ah, but The Sunday Sport went one better, not only did they have "WWII Bomber Found on Moon - Picture!" showing said bomber on the moon, but a bit later they had "WWII Bomber Disappears from Moon" with a picture showing where the bomber *used* to be!

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Japanese boffins crack arse-based ID recognizer

Graham Marsden
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Big Brother

@Darryl

"Wonder if it could replace scanners at the airport some day"

Why not, after all, you pretty much have to bend over and drop your trousers already...!

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Hidden Dragon: The Chinese cyber menace

Graham Marsden
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@Steven Roper

And your taking a *single* word out of his (as you admit) sensible post and using it as a reason to claim that it invalidates the whole thing is why you have got a downvote.

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Blocking Twitter, Facebook during riots not such a hot idea - MPs

Graham Marsden
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Holmes

No shit, Sherlock icon...

... no post needed!

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Go Daddy boycott threat for backing hated anti-piracy law

Graham Marsden
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rejected != refuted

"Go Daddy's Jones has refuted this, writing last month: "

Refute: vb - Prove (a statement or theory) to be wrong or false; disprove.

Reject: vb - Dismiss as inadequate, inappropriate, or not to one's taste.

I see nothing in her statement that proves that it will not break DNSSEC except that she finds this "hard to imagine" (how much tech knowledge does a "General Counsel" have?)

As for "I have to believe that the average person doesn’t want to commit a crime", she complains about "rhetoric" and "regurgitated lobbying spin", yet she's doing exactly the same by parroting the words of the MPAA/ RIAA who are still trying to redefine the language by saying that people are "stealing" music because the media industry want to keep using an obsolete (but profitable to them) revenue model.

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Gerry turncoat Harvey gives gamers a deal

Graham Marsden
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WTF?

Syndicated Facility Agreement...

or SFA for short...!

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Latest El Reg project: Rise of the Robot Sheep

Graham Marsden
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NAOMI

New Automated Optimised Mowing Invention

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Cops arrest cop in alleged corrupt cop-bung probe

Graham Marsden
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Congratulations, WPC Smith...

... you win the "Scapegoat of the Year" award!

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Graham Marsden
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@dephormation.org.uk

Yes, it reads "It's nothing to do with me, can I have another promotion, please..."

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Pluto's blushing complexion riddle solved by boffins

Graham Marsden
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Oh don't you lot start too!

- Luna

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Graham Marsden
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Megaphone

Any more trouble out of you lot and I'll be calling the Vogons!

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Smut baron buy-up of Vatican.xxx rumour exploded

Graham Marsden
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Happy

They're missing a trick...

... think of the market for all those nun-sploitation films!

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Deep-fried planets discovery offers hope for Earth’s future

Graham Marsden
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Mushroom

@Geoff Campbell

And some Factor 10,000,000 suncream...!

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Ofcom maps out what 'psychics' are allowed to do on TV

Graham Marsden
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Trollface

So...

... what about Songs of Praise?!

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Facebook shoves your face into creepy 'sponsored stories' in 2012

Graham Marsden
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WTF?

"we will gradually begin..."??

So how come I got a message saying that one of my friends had used an application when I know he'd been without an internet connection for a week?!

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Graham Marsden
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Devil

Or replace them...

... with a picture of someone bending over with their trousers around their ankles...!

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Public bodies told: Swapping data feels good, but you must be careful

Graham Marsden
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Nice, but...

... they forgot "Don't put it on unencrypted laptops or data sticks which get left on trains or in taxis and most certainly don't store it on CDs which you then send through the post!"

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Three more 'nauts prepare for space station housewarming

Graham Marsden
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@James Micalleft

TANSTAAFL!

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LOHAN fires up sizzling thruster

Graham Marsden
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"it's up to the Southampton Uni boys to tell us if they need more power"

"We need more thrust, Scotty!"

"I'm gie'in her all I've got, Cap'n!!"

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Bah, humbug! Virgin Media censors Charles D**kens

Graham Marsden
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Happy

@BigUglyDean...

... OUT!!

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Graham Marsden
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Happy

Not...

Twatt in the Orkneys?

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Graham Marsden
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@Panto Season

Oh yes she will...!

(Mine's the ones with the Buttons!)

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US gov split over new domain explosion

Graham Marsden
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Big Brother

"totalitarian regimes...

"... that want to orchestrate a governmental takeover of internet regulation."

Well we don't know of any of those, do we, boys and girls?!

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Comet Lovejoy survives brush with fiery solar death

Graham Marsden
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Another word...

... Sundive!

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Jedi light-sabre beats Taser in Oregon parking-lot fracas

Graham Marsden
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@Ian Michael Gumby

Since you put the troll icon on your post, you save me the trouble of having to point the fact out.

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Graham Marsden
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FAIL

@Figgus

The Daily Mail readers are the ones who are saying "Damnit, just give them a good Tasering or beating, never did me any harm, teach them a lesson they won't forget, doncherknow!"

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Graham Marsden
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WTF?

@FrankAlphaXII

Oh, so 500 deaths "isn't too bad"?! I'm sure that'll be a great comfort to, say, the family of Robert Dziekański who died after being Tasered by Canadian Police, restrained, cuffed and *THEN* repeatedly Taserered *again*.

And if the cops in your "bad neighbourhood" were unable to effect an arrest without "beating the holy living shit out of you", the suggests that, given Tasers, they'd just Taser the "living holy shit out of you instead" and strikes me as a stunning lack of professionalism on their part (or a desire to be Judge, Jury and Executioner).

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Graham Marsden
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WTF?

@"If a police officer breaks official procedure"

"HE winds up in the clink instead of the perp"

Sure, just like the officers who killed Jean Charles de Menezes (and then lied about it) are now languishing in jail...

Or the ones who gave Rodney King a good kicking...

Or...

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Graham Marsden
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Boffin

@Nextweek and Audrey S.Thackery

Remember that the Taser is supposed to be a Non-Lethal (oops, I mean *less* lethal) alternative to using firearms yet, despite that, there have been around 500 deaths linked to Taser use, more than a few of which have been related to the target having using illegal narcotics.

Given that a plastic light-saber is not a deadly weapon, using a Taser in a situation like this was completely unnecessary and I don't see that as "minimising risk to the suspect".

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Google's Siri-a-like to be named 'Majel' after Trek actress

Graham Marsden
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WTF?

Not without...

... a ouija board!

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Microsoft copies Google with silent browser updates

Graham Marsden
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Mushroom

...and no focus stealing either!

After the last lot of patches downloaded and installed, as usual Windows decided that what *it* was doing was more important than what I was doing and flashed up a message saying "You need to reboot", making that the active window.

Fortunately they've at least stopped auto-selecting the "Reboot Now" button with the result that if you're typing (as I was) and press Return at the wrong moment, you automatically reboot without having the chance to save what you're working on...

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Facebook won't deny it is sitting on huge mountain of cash

Graham Marsden
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Aha! They won't deny it, so it must be true!!!!

Dear me, El Reg, is that the best you can come up with?

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Comet Lovejoy spotted plunging toward fiery doom

Graham Marsden
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Set the controls...

... for the heart of the sun!

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CERN: 'New physics starts now'

Graham Marsden
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"If people still wore as many hats as formerly"...

... So are you saying that people aren't wearing enough hats?

With apologies to Python (Monty)

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FCC (finally) cracks down on BLARING! TV! ADS!

Graham Marsden
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Boffin

Another simple solution...

... Everything I want to watch, I record on Sky+ consequently ad breaks are a matter of pressing the fast forward button and counting an appropriate number of seconds before I press play again.

Bingo, no noisy ads!

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Cosmic Cannonball snapped blazing a bloody trail of star guts

Graham Marsden
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@David D. Hagood

Damn, you beat me to it! :-)

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Jimbo Wales ponders Wikipedia blackout

Graham Marsden
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FAIL

@Turtle

Would you like to buy a new Irony Detector? Yours seems to be broken.

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Beeb rescues old Who episodes

Graham Marsden
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Unhappy

Strewth mate...

... What a bunch of wowsers!

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