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* Posts by Graham Marsden

4743 posts • joined 19 Jan 2007

Home Sec: Web snoop law will snare PAEDOS, TERRORISTS

Graham Marsden
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Paris Hilton

Re: "Theresa May, writing in The Sun"

"I want to see paedos and terrorists and criminals arrested and I think this is the way to do it" says Temptress Theresa on Page Three of your Soaraway Sun...

Unfortunately, whilst most Page Three stunners might have an excuse for not understanding the subject, you'd expect the Home Secretary to have at least been briefed by someone who *does* comprehend the fact that this sort of mass data troughing will create more problems than it solves whilst the people they're trying to catch switch to communication methods that are much more difficult to trace.

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China purges coup rumours from social media

Graham Marsden
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Alert

"the spreading of so-called ‘rumours’...

"...online has been illegal in China"

And Listening to Rumours is Treasonous, Citizen!

- Your Friend, The Computer.

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Ape sanctuary seeks funds for armed Robo Bonobo

Graham Marsden
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Facepalm

Re: Android vs Apple market share amongst bonobos?

Groan!

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Graham Marsden
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Mushroom

@Somerset John

True, but remember that this is also obviously Against God's WIll and Unnatural and a Perversion of the Natural Order of Things since clearly had God meant Chimps to talk he would have given them vocal cords!

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Top Italian OPERA boffin steps down after faster-than-light mistake

Graham Marsden
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Re: Did he have to go?

It's probable that there is a lot of politicking going on in the background that we aren't privy to and this is just the result of someone's power play.

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Vote now for the WORST movie EVER

Graham Marsden
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Re: Highlander 2

Highlander 2 did have *one* redeeming feature. After McCleod had killed one immortal and the Quickening was doing its electrical stuff, for a couple of seconds it suddenly reared up like an enormous beast which was actually pretty good. Unfortunately it only lasted a couple of seconds, so the weight of the rest of the crap in the film buried it.

As it is, although I was tempted to vote for Highlander 2, I had to go for the abomination that was the Hitch Hikers Guide film because it promised so much, but absolutely failed to deliver and, even worse, spoiled my memories of the excellent radio series.

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LOHAN demonstrates impressive sucking skills

Graham Marsden
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Or...

... eat porridge through a straw!

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Don't be alarmed - but 545,000 NHS patient files are going online

Graham Marsden
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Re: About bliddy time

"As long as they've designed the system so only healthcare pro's can rummage around in the data, fine."

Except that we all know that that is *not* going to be the case. Someone's going to have made a cockup or leave a password on a piece of paper or feel like having a snoop at someone else's medical records when they're not supposed to (and then perhaps sell that to the tabloids).

If you suffer from something that's life-critical, carry an Alert Bracelet or wear an SOS Talisman or some other such thing to let people know if you're unconscious, anything else can wait until your records (and *only* your records) are accessed as per usual.

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EXTREME weather blown away from unexpected direction

Graham Marsden
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Mushroom

I'm surprised that...

... the words "Nah nah, ne nah nar!!" didn't appear in this article...

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ALL Visa cards blab punters' names - not just Barclaycards

Graham Marsden
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Unhappy

Meanwhile...

... there's also the fact (a "known issue") that Barclays Visa Debit "wave and pay" cards won't work with certain types of mobile payment terminal.

I found this out last October when I took a payment which appeared to go through successfully, but I didn't notice until later that the Merchant Copy of the payment slip said "Declined" instead of "Pin Verified" meaning I lost £28 (fortunately it wasn't more!)

Now I have to put through payments with these cards as "Cardholder not Present" as it's the only way to get them to work properly.

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Wags unroll Twitter toilet paper

Graham Marsden
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At last...

... proof that Twitter is a load of shite!

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Behold! Or rather, don't: Bendy see-through DRAM

Graham Marsden
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Boffin

Re: Wearing memory? pft...

Please, S.G. be content to have forgotten the abysmal mess that was the movie of Johnny Mnemonic and stick to the original brilliant William Gibson short story!

(Icon the nearest thing to mirror shades...)

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Everything you thought you knew about cybercrims is WRONG

Graham Marsden
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Mushroom

Re: Oh yes, Hollywood...

You mean I *can't* trigger a Global Thermonuclear War from my bedroom?

Aw damn... :-(

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Visa shows off data centre 'moat'

Graham Marsden
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Mushroom

Re: Easy to avoid the moat

What? You would use the *out* road to get *in*??

What are you, some kind of goddam commie subversive!!

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Los Alamos fires BLOODY BIG MAGNET

Graham Marsden
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WTF?

Re: Blimey

Why are there all these weird holes in my office wall...???

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High school student expelled for dropping F-bomb in tweet

Graham Marsden
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Happy

@Turtle_Fan

"has anyone argued the actual merits of his statement?"

Oh fuck that!

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TSA bars security guru from perv scanner testimony

Graham Marsden
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Megaphone

Re: The scanners are useless

Time to repost the clip of Adam Savage from Mythbusters who went through the security scanners with two twelve inch industrial razor blades in his pocket...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q3yaqq9Jjb4

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Graham Marsden
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Trollface

Why don't they just...

... offer the TSA an alternative to having Bruce Schneier testify?

I know a good supplier of latex gloves...

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OFT warns wallet-raiding debt collectors over web ads

Graham Marsden
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Which Magazine: "Don't pay for debt advice - use free alternatives"

These so-called "Debt management" companies are not in business for the benefit of people in debt, they're out to make money from people who believe their hype.

They are notorious for front-loading fees, taking a cut of any money you pay off themselves and offering commission for referrals to get their hooks into more people.

To quote Which Magazine: "Debt management companies negotiate with consumers’ creditors on their behalf, but offer poor value for money. Fee-charging debt management firms generally target people who are in serious financial trouble."

http://www.which.co.uk/news/2012/01/debt-management-companies---money-products-to-avoid-277404/

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Microsoft censors Pirate Bay links from IM

Graham Marsden
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FAIL

And just how difficult...

... will it be to find a way to obfuscate a Pirate Bay link so that it's immune to MS censorship?

"Hey, here's that picture you wanted..."

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Giant paper plane thunders across Arizona sky

Graham Marsden
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Happy

I hope the teddy...

... had a parachute!

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Robotic surgeon successful in first prostate snip

Graham Marsden
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Re: Rise Of The Machines?

@Shocked Jock

Cancerous prostate cells only turns nasty if you let urologists get near them with instruments [Citation needed]

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China's censors out in force as coup rumours spread

Graham Marsden
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Trollface

I find it ironic that...

... the Pro-Mao web site is called "Utopia" which means "No Place"

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GIANT KANGAROOS wiped out by humans, not climate change

Graham Marsden
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Coat

Re: Same goes for dinosaurs

@nomnomnom

"They are just really good at hiding behind hills."

ITYM "the furniture". Right Bob?

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Record-breaking laser pulse boosts fusion power hopes

Graham Marsden
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Boffin

Re: Oh, the irony

Please try to comprehend the fundamental difference between Fission and Fusion, thank you.

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German court: Rapidshare must HUNT for dodgy pirate links

Graham Marsden
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Meh

Rapidshare...? So what...

... given that they seem to be attempting to drive themselves out of business by making their "service" incomprehensibly complicated to use.

(It's still a stupid ruling, though)

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Spider venom to be tested for pesticide potential

Graham Marsden
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Coat

"it's rather hard to milk spiders for their venom"

For a start you need a really tiny stool...

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So, what IS the worst film ever made?

Graham Marsden
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Facepalm

Highlander films...

... there should have been only one!

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Graham Marsden
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@SaveTheSharks

ITYM "Highlander II - The Sickening"!

I saw it on pirate video and thank the gods I did because it saved me having to queue up for my money back!

Alternatively, the Hitch-Hiker's Guide Film: This film is bad. Really Bad. I mean you just won't believe how hugely, mind-bogglying bad this film was. You may have thought the Highlander II or Waterworld were bad, but that's just peanuts to this film. Listen...

A film that takes Douglas Adams wonderful wordplay and either sets up the joke but then forgets to do the punchline or does the punchline without the setup meaning it falls totally flat. And as for the ludicrous Hollywood Meddling "Arthur and Trillian fall in love" sub plot? Belgium, man! Total swutting belgium!!

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Samsung backside-bitten by emoticon patent trollery

Graham Marsden
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Facepalm

Is there a smiley for...

... hoist by your own petard?

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Humans best crossword-puzzling computer

Graham Marsden
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Ok, but...

... although I understand the reason for restricting the "letter crunching" ability, how would it cope with a crossword clue I remember from many years ago which was simply:

V? (6,2,7)

Scroll down for the answer...

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

The answer was "Centre of gravity"! :-)

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London Mayor Boris grilled on Virgin's Underground penetration

Graham Marsden
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Coat

Re: Don't mention the Olympics

They should hire John Cleese...

"Don't mention the Olympics! I did once, but I think I got away with it..."

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Pope Benedict in .XXX pro-Islam cybersquat drama

Graham Marsden
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Coat

Re: Which is the more disturbing thought?

There once were two ladies from Birmingham,

Shall we speak of the scandal concerning 'em?

They're both in the dock

For raising the frock

Of the Clergyman who was confirming 'em!

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Surprise! Facebook, Twitter still not THAT important for news

Graham Marsden
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Trollface

You could have put the full stop...

... after the word "Important" in that headline...

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More evidence that neutrinos are NOT faster than light

Graham Marsden
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Boffin

"This is how science works."...

... a fact that seems to elude most media outlets...

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Eddie Murphy heading for worst movie ever glory

Graham Marsden
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Re: Wrong...

@He was the voice of Donkey in the Shrek series.

And I always wondered why Shrek didn't just punch him over the horizon...

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Boffins build cyborg snails to generate electricity

Graham Marsden
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Re: Fantastic!

"the more electricity we use, the more calories we'll burn"

Damn, I want to play Angry Birds, but my phone's out of charge, someone get me a burger now!

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Mobile phones cause ADHD in rodents

Graham Marsden
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Boffin

Recent studies have shown...

... that the main cause of cancer in laboratory rodents is Scientists!

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Graham Marsden
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Coat

Re: Mobile phones cause ADHD in rodents?

The point was that...

... ooh, shiny!!

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Lawyers of Mordor retreat from The Hobbit

Graham Marsden
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Pity stayed their hand...

... "Pity we look like a bunch of arrogant and overbearing bastards" thought SZC

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UPDATE: GAGA team hunts down grass-smoking ROBOT

Graham Marsden
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Put a rotating laser on the top of the lawnmower

It's a lawnmower, not a frickin' shark!

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Virgin Media snags London Underground Wi-Fi monopoly

Graham Marsden
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As all the dealers say...

... the first sample is free...

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Mobile banking security bypassed in fiendish malware blag

Graham Marsden
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Facepalm

Re: Just as well I don't use Online Banking

Yes, and keeping your cash under your mattress is so much safer too...

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Death Star SUCKS PLASMA FROM SUN in NASA riddle vid

Graham Marsden
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Re: Obviously not a refueling spaceship

And, to the best of my knowledge, Disaster Area aren't playing in this solar system...

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Startup slices solar panels using ion gun

Graham Marsden
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Trollface

Is this ion gun...

... to be found in low orbit...?

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Galaxies to get the Pluto treatment?

Graham Marsden
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Re: Galaxies have...

No they don't necessarily...

See this article about the work of a friend of mine who has turned his work in the Galaxy Zoo project into a PhD: http://aliceingalaxyland.blogspot.com/2011/01/doctor-proctor-and-irregular-galaxies.html

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Report: UK falls behind as smart meters rolled out across Europe

Graham Marsden
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@DrXym

Let me give you another example of why smart meters are not a good idea:

At the moment there are a plethora of supply tarrifs, each company has dozens, online, offline, with standing charges or without, dual fuel or electricity and gas separate, fixed price, capped price, different charges for up to X KWh and then over and so on and so on and even with comparison sites it's a bugger of a job finding if you're getting a competitive rate or being ripped off.

Not only that, if you sign up for a tarriff and want to change you may get charged an "exit penalty" or, if the price drops, there have been cases where the company has charged people the higher rate for the *whole* period instead of when the price changed.

So do you think that smart meters are going to make the situation better? Well the answer is "far from it". What's more likely to happen now is that your consumption data is going be used to create an "individually tailored" charging package just for you which is going to make comparison between companies virtually impossible unless you're willing to sit down with a spreadsheet and calculate your exact usage hour by hour, day by day.

Who benefits from this? Not you, sunshine...

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Council spunks '£100k on how to wash your hands' vid

Graham Marsden
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But is there one...

... on how to Sanitise a Telephone?

(All aboard the B-Ark...)

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That steady diet of EastEnders IS turning her into a shrew

Graham Marsden
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Pirate

Let's have the Dangerous Television Programmes Act!

Since we now have the Dangerous Pictures and Dangerous Drawings Acts based on the idea that looking at that sort of thing will "Make You Do Bad Things[tm]", I think it's time that we started a petition to ban Soap Operas since it's clearly been shown that they are a greater danger to society!

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Flying Spaghetti Monster's works spotted in space

Graham Marsden
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Trollface

Alternatively...

... here's a quote I heard a few weeks ago:

"Jesus promised to rid the world of wicked people.

"Odin promised to rid the word of Ice Giants.

"I don't see any Ice Giants around, do you?"

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