* Posts by Graham Marsden

5532 posts • joined 19 Jan 2007

Amazon listens to MORE of your private stuff

Graham Marsden
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Facepalm

"You appear to...

"... be having a wank.

"Would you like to buy a porn movie?"

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Idiot thieves walk free after stolen iPad uploads pics of them with loot

Graham Marsden
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@Loyal Commenter - Re: Prison is about 45% effective

> Compelling either party to engage against their will is only counterproductive.

Yes, I'm aware of that.

But it's better to at least try to do something like this which has a chance of making a difference, rather than the "lock them up and throw away the key" mentality which has been shown to be an utter failure.

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Graham Marsden
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@Velv - Re: The punishment

> Well you don't tend to get repeat offenders...

An argument which ultimately leads to Judge Death from the Judge Dredd stories...

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Graham Marsden
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Re: Prison is about 45% effective

Restorative Justice has been demonstrated to reduce re-offending rates by up to 27%

Much better than just locking them away with other criminals so they learn to be better at crime.

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Graham Marsden
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Facepalm

Re: Strike 1 of three?

Ah, yes, the incredibly sensible Three Strikes law which ended up with one guy being sentenced to 25 years in jail for stealing a slice of pizza...

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Graham Marsden
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Re: The punishment

Whilst we're at it, why don't we just bring back hanging for Robbery, Burglary, Shoplifting, Pick Pocketing etc as prescribed in The Bloody Code

After all, that worked so well in the past that it virtually completely eliminated crime when it was in operation, didn't it...?

"Those who do not learn from History are doomed to repeat it." - George Satayana.

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This will crack you up: US drug squad's phone call megaslurp dates back to 1990s

Graham Marsden
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Re: The greatest trick

The greatest trick the main two political parties pulled is convincing Corporate America that they are the only two options

FTFY!

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Instead of public sector non-jobbery, Martha, how about creating REAL entrepreneurs?

Graham Marsden
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Well, yes. Because the ones with the brains and the ideas are not making it to the top and the ones at the top are too busy awarding themselves massive bonuses and getting their bought-and-paid-for cronies in Government to say "that's fine, because they're providing lots of (zero hours and minimum wage) jobs which make it look as if we're helping the country instead of ham-stringing it and besides, when we stop being MPs we're in line for a nice lucrative directorship..."

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Bonking with Apple is no fun 'cos it's too hard to pay, say punters

Graham Marsden
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Trollface

Curious, they've never complained to me...

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The Internet of Stuff is a gigantic ultra-perv robbery network – study

Graham Marsden
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FAIL

That security stuff...

... is just too much hassle to bother with, isn't it?

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Turkey PM bans Twitter, YouTube as 'tools of terrorist propaganda'

Graham Marsden
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Facepalm

@boltar - Re: So....

People who are up to no good in their homes such as domestic abusers and child molesters do so with the curtains pulled.

Do you pull your curtains? Why? What have you got to hide???

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France accused of tabling 'Patriot Act' style surveillance law

Graham Marsden
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@Vimes - Re: hmm @codejunky

> This is a situation perpetuated by the agencies themselves

Well, yes. How many times in history has a security agency said "Ok, we've done our job, we're going to close the agency and take early retirement now"?

It is in their interest for there to be plots and if there aren't, they're sure going to find some...

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Graham Marsden
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Big Brother

Je Suis...

... un Hypocrite!

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Choc Factory's king codec serves 25 BEELLION Tube hours

Graham Marsden
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Stop

"instant, high-quality, buffer-free videos"

Instant? Maybe

Buffer free? Perhaps.

High Quality? You can't polish a turd!

(Yes, ok, I know Mythbusters did, but WTH ;-) )

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Dot-com intimidation forces Indiana to undo hated anti-gay law

Graham Marsden
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Mushroom

I wonder how they're going to know?

Perhaps they could come up with some way for gay people to be easily identifiable, say a pink triangle sewn on to the clothing?

(Can you pre-emptively Godwin an entire El Reg comments thread...? ;-) )

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Light the torches! NSA's BFF Senator Feinstein calls for e-book burning

Graham Marsden
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Facepalm

Next week...

... How to nail jelly to the ceiling!

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Google cracks down on browser ad injectors after shocking study

Graham Marsden
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Holmes

Well of course...

Shoving unwanted ads into people's browser windows is Google's job!

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Boris Johnson backs trade union campaign to ungag civil servants

Graham Marsden
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Holmes

“Sunlight is the best disinfectant”

I'm sensing a certain irony here...

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Nuclear waste spill: How a pro-organic push sparked $240m blunder

Graham Marsden
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Thumb Down

Waste of Time on a Wednesday...

What a pointless article as TW again takes a trivial issue (not the nuclear spill, the organic kitty litter) and builds a mountain out of a molehill so he can have a go at lefties and hippies and organic products and anyone else who doesn't fit in with his idea of how the world should be run.

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Halifax's '24/7' online banking service is down YET AGAIN

Graham Marsden
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So what's new?

The Nat West (owned by RBOS) online banking and commercial cards sites claim to be available "Anywhere, anytime".

Well, yes, apart from when you get a message saying "there's been an error, try later". What it actually means is they're doing site updates or maintenance, but they don't tell you that.

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Encryption is the REAL threat – Head Europlod

Graham Marsden
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Big Brother

"the most dangerous people that are abusing the internet"

Yes, they have names like NSA, GCHQ and the like...

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Google plans ROBOTS to SLICE YOU OPEN AND CUT YOU UP

Graham Marsden
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Re: Could be worse...

Brings a whole new meaning to Blue Screen of Death...

... splat!

Oops, make that a *Red* Screen of Death!

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Smart meters are a ‘costly mistake’ that'll add BILLIONS to bills

Graham Marsden
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Facepalm

“unwanted by consumers, over-engineered and mind-blowingly expensive."

So, no change there...

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Short circuit at Large Hadron Collider slows return to matter-mauling

Graham Marsden
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Coat

"the main dipole circuit on sector 3-4 developed a fault to Earth"

"Yeah, there's your problem, Guv, these dipole circuits are always a bit dodgy and it looks like you've had some right cowboys in here.

[Sucks air through teeth]

"I can fix it, but it's going to cost you..."

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To BALDLY GO where few have gone before: NASA 'naut twin to spend YEAR IN SPAACE

Graham Marsden
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Devil

Re: Hold on a second...

Damn them! The evil one seems to have failed to grow a beard...

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Dot-sucks sucks, say lawyers: ICANN urged to kill 'shakedown' now

Graham Marsden
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Facepalm

And still...

... there's nothing to stop me or anyone else registering xyzname-sucks.net or .org or .com or whatever and getting it at a sensible price, rather than a stupid one.

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Europe could be drowned in 'worthless pop culture' thanks to EU copyright plans

Graham Marsden
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Coat

Re: "Partially worthless"

Brian of Nazareth: "You're all individuals!"

Crowd: "Yes, we are all individuals!"

Man in Crowd: "Err, I'm not..."

- Monty Python's Life of Brian.

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Home Office awards Raytheon £150m over e-borders cancellation

Graham Marsden
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Facepalm

Re: Well done.....

Well, yes, it was *only* £185 million, that's what's called "a success"...!

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Vodafone: So what exactly is 'ludicrous' about the Frontier report?

Graham Marsden
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Devil

Hello, Mr Kettle...

... Mr Pot calling...

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Silicon Valley powers: Let mass spying die in May 2015 – it's bad for privacy (and business)

Graham Marsden
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Big Brother

As your sub-heading suggests...

... once the "official" powers are under control, it will be time to bring the "unofficial" ones under proper scrutiny and stop them using get-outs like "if you keep using our service we can do what the hell we like with your data and there's nothing you can do to stop us"...

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Get off Facebook if you value your privacy, EU commish tells court

Graham Marsden
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Re: Meh

> Who uses their real name etc on forums anyway?

Me.

I just ensure that whatever I post is stuff that I have no problem with others reading. If I would have a problem, I don't post it.

I do (like everyone else) have things to hide, so I don't put them in public places.

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'Virtual nose' makes VR less dizzying, say boffins

Graham Marsden
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Facepalm

Re: missing link

> an average of 94.2 seconds

Wow! So I get an extra minute and a half of gameplay before I have to quit or throw up?

Awesome...!!

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NASA: We're gonna rip up an ASTEROID and make it ORBIT the MOON

Graham Marsden
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Coat

Where's Bruce Willis...

... when you need him?

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Facebook's phone KILLER: Messenger will replace TALKING, says Zuck

Graham Marsden
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WTF?

" I actually don't know anyone who likes calling businesses...

"... It's just not fast or convenient."

For whom, Zuck?

Personally I think that *most* people would prefer to call a business and speak to a human being who can (possibly) at least apply some intelligence, rather than have to deal with a useless "click on one of these pre-defined links which don't do anything to address your problem or are barely relevant to the situation" piece of nonsense which will end up with you running around in circles like a hamster in a wheel.

Ok, often when you do phone you'll get through to a call centre drone who will be clicking on the same pointless links, but at least you have the chance of escalating matters to someone who has more than a couple of braincells to rub together and may actually be able to do something useful.

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Blockhead fugitive Snapchats himself into police custody

Graham Marsden
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Facepalm

"Found this spoon, Sir..."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZXVN7QJ8m88

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Ransomware holds schools hostage: 'Now give us Bitcoin worth $129k, er, $124k, wait ...'

Graham Marsden
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Trollface

@Loud Speaker - Re: Good for them

> And the kids get to learn the importance of installing malware just before the exams, giving them more time to party revise.

FTFY!

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Ford: Our latest car gizmo will CHOKE OFF your FUEL if you're speeding

Graham Marsden
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Facepalm

Another nail in the coffin...

... of intelligent driving.

"But Constable, I couldn't have been speeding because my car has this clever feature!"

"Were you looking at your speedometer, Sir?"

"Well, no, because my car has this clever feature..."

Or, of course, there's this story about Drivers caught by fake 40mph Speed Limit Signs

PS El Reg, you don't have to be a "petrolhead" to understand that it is *inappropriate* speed for the conditions that is the real danger, so this system will still let you do the National Limit on a road that is wet, dark, socked in by fog, full of traffic etc, which is entirely legal, but incredibly stupid.

We need to *educate* drivers better, not take the decision making process away from them.

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Treat us like the utilities we believe ourselves to be, say UK operators

Graham Marsden
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@symon - Re: Pay your taxes...

> According to this very rag we're reading

Erm, no, that's according to Tim Worstall who is quite happy for big corporations to game the system and say it's ok because "that's what the law says" and they're "just maximising profits for shareholders".

I agree that the politicos shouldn't have made laws like that, but, ask yourself this: Who encouraged them to do this? Cui bono...?

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Graham Marsden
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Flame

Pay your taxes...

... and we'll think about it...

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IS 'hackers' urge US-based jihadis: 'Wipe yourselves out trying to kill 0.00005 of US forces'

Graham Marsden
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Boffin

Re: @x 7 - Clarification Please

And you can play by the terrorists rules too (they shout "Boo!" we jump and remove even more of our freedoms), but don't expect the rest of us to be so stupid or naiive.

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Graham Marsden
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FAIL

@x 7 - Re: Clarification Please

Ah, the good old "You're either with us or against us" argument.

(Again, are we still talking about the terrorists here?)

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Graham Marsden
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Big Brother

" there aren't all that many IS/jihadi adherents in the USA...

"...whose commitment to the cause is strong enough" etc etc

Nor in the UK or most anywhere else, I don't doubt. But that's still not going to stop our fearless leaders deciding that the Security Services need even more powers to monitor us and control us and check up on what we're reading and who we're talking to and what we're looking at and...

PS I recently travelled by air and I was not at all, in any way, shape or form, counting the number of simple ways of bypassing the Security Theatre BS that is supposed to "protect" us (or, at least, make us think that our leaders are "doing something" about the problems which their actions have caused...) that I could see without even bothering to put my mind to it...

*cough* seven *cough*

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ROBOT INVASION has already STARTED in HIPSTERLAND

Graham Marsden
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Trollface

Re: One and only

Of course you have to make sure that there are no mirrors in the office so the manager can't see the pointy hair attachments on the top of his bot...

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First figures in and it doesn't look good for new internet dot-words

Graham Marsden
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Meh

Colour me...

... unsurprised.

Gullible idiots got caught up in the excitement in the first flurry after these were released, then realised that they were a waste of money and simply designed to make ICANN bosses' bonuses bigger.

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So, you know those exciting movie-style 3D visual cyber attack ops centres?

Graham Marsden
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Coat

Re: So basically

The only winning move is not to play...

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HUGE Aussie asteroid impact sent TREMORS towards the EARTH'S CORE

Graham Marsden
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Alert

All I can say is...

... Strewth!

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Storm gathers around CDN Cloudflare after doxxing allegations, Pirate Bay deal

Graham Marsden
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WTF?

Re: Really?

I was just wondering whose arse they pulled that figure out of...

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Guardian: 'Oil reserves will soon be worth NOTHING!' (A bit like their stock tips, really)

Graham Marsden
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Facepalm

@dogged - Re: Oh look...

> I thought being warm wasn't going to be the problem?

Note the bracketted (!) after warm, implying irony...

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Millions of voters are missing: It’s another #GovtDigiShambles

Graham Marsden
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FAIL

No doubt...

... the vast majority of those who end up being unable to vote wouldn't have voted Tory in any case, so as far as the Cabinet Office are concerned, there's no problem there...

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More than 260 suspects charged in UK child abuse crackdown

Graham Marsden
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Thumb Up

@David Pollard

> Is it too cynical to wonder that these enquiries are being publicised partly to counter the leaks about cover-ups of sex crimes?

I think the answer to that is a definite "No, it's definitely not too cynical".

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