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* Posts by malle-herbert

220 posts • joined 1 Jul 2013

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Sysadmin Day 2014: Quick, there's still time to get the beers in

malle-herbert
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Joke
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NSA man: 'Tell me about your Turkish connections'

malle-herbert
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FAIL

Re: "Has anyone put anything in your luggage without your knowledge?"

I love that question...

If it was without my knowledge then HOW THE F*CK WOULD I KNOW ???

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Games industry set for $5 BILLION haircut, warn beancounters

malle-herbert
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Joke

Re: 'Another day, another 'analyst' pulling figures out of their ass'

Well, you can't spell 'analyst' without the word 'anal'...

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Orange spent weekend spamming customers with TXTs

malle-herbert
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Mushroom

Re: Adding insult to injury

Naaahhhh... nuke 'em from orbit... it's the only way to be sure !

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MYSTERIOUS Siberia CRATER: ALIENS or METEOR not involved, officials insist

malle-herbert
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Joke

I'm surprised...

Nobody mentioned Torchwood yet...

//Looks like it's drilled by a laser...

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When the robot rebellion comes, this Jibo droid will BORE you to death

malle-herbert
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Forget the mobile patent wars – these web giants have patented your DATA CENTER

malle-herbert
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Re: Polonium sushi is too good for them.

And most of it isn't exactly "Intellectual" either...

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The final score: Gramophones 1 – Glassholes 0

malle-herbert
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Re: Do we need

Maybe t-shirts or badges with specially crafted QR-codes sending them

to websites full of nasty virusses might do the trick !

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Think Google Glass is creepy? Wait until it READS YOUR MIND

malle-herbert
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Joke

Why not put a blue LED on the front ?

Makes you look more like a Dalek...

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Google spares founders from TERMINATORS, but not Eric Schmidt

malle-herbert
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Joke

"what does that make Eric Schmidt?"

Probably that stupid psychiatrist...

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Use Tor or 'extremist' Tails Linux? Congrats, you're on an NSA list

malle-herbert
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"and anyone else interested in online privacy"

So reading this article automatically puts you on the list ?

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Virgin Media struck dumb by NATIONWIDE DNS outage

malle-herbert
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Re: have you tried switching it off and on again ?

Have you tried sticking it up your arse ?

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BBC offers briefest of teasers for the next Doctor Who

malle-herbert
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Looks like...

Looks like the new season will feature a new TARDIS desktop...

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Shrew'd boffins spot TINY ELEPHANT species

malle-herbert
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Re: No picture?

Okay...

Here's a picture of the mighty beast...

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BT at last coughs to 'major outage' after broadband went titsup across UK on Sat

malle-herbert
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Re: A human right - or no hope for mankind?

Every time internet went down at my last job my boss always said that :

"internet isn't a 'right' it's a privilege..."

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malle-herbert
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Joke

"I KNOW HOW THE INTERNET WORKS"

Yeah... the customer is always WRONG !

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Today in IT news: iPad Fleshlight a reality

malle-herbert
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What's next ?

iDildo ?

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Black hole three-way: Supermassive trio are 'rippling' space

malle-herbert
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Re: "How can one black hole split into two?"

It didn't... it just looked like one hole... but there where actually two of them...

We just couldn't see because they where so close together...

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malle-herbert
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Joke

Three black holes packed tightly together...

I just know there's a "your mom" joke in there somewhere...

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Bitcoin is MONEY, says Canada

malle-herbert
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Re: Here comes the taxman!

Yeah... but how much money do you owe them exactly ?

Since the value of Bitcoins can fluctuate wildly there has to be a

way to determine this "value" as a certain amount of "regular money"...

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Snowden defends mega spy blab: 'Public affairs have to be known by the public'

malle-herbert
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"and deserves to live his life freely."

Of course he does... but don't hold your breath...

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Fearful of the drone-filled skies? Get some protection

malle-herbert
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Re: Try this then

Somehow I don't think the authorities will be too happy with people

installing these on their rooftops !

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malle-herbert
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This isn't PROtection... it's just DEtection...

So some drone-wielding perv can still take pictures of your kids playing

in the swimmingpool or your (topless) sunbathing wife...

Just combine the damn thing with a signal jammer so that every drone

that comes near your house just drops out of the sky...

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Cisco okayed for UK government comms

malle-herbert
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Black Helicopters

And a few days after these things are installed...

They will probably recieve some mysterious ' firmware update '...

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Hackers steal trade secrets from major US hedge firm

malle-herbert
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Joke

What we really need...

Is a 'tiny violin' icon...

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9 Dark Social Truths That Will Totally Blow Your Bowels!

malle-herbert
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[Isn't that "Belfies"? - Ed]

No... it's "Bumfies"...

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Microsoft: NSA security fallout 'getting worse' ... 'not blowing over'

malle-herbert
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Re: "You can have any kind of information security you like so long as it is crap."

Well no... You CAN have good security AND privacy, just not with any

American cloud providers...

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Apple SOLDERS memory into new 'budget' iMac

malle-herbert
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Your soldering iron won't do you much good with all

those multi-layer circuit boards these days...

And finding the data-sheets for some of these custom chips (cr)apple

uses is also a nightmare...

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Internet of Things fridges? Pfft. So how does my milk carton know when it's empty?

malle-herbert
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Well... let's see...

A "smart" fridge could use some kind of system with multiple camera's

that will do image recognition to identify objects placed in the fridge.

Objects that have a barcode can be automatically scanned and the

expiration date could be scanned as well.

For liquids you could use sensors that detect the weight of the container

so that when you take it out of the fridge and put it back in, the difference

in weight can be calculated.

(This could also work for non-liquids in some kind of a container...)

For other foodstuffs the fridge could simply aks the user what it is and

what it's expiration date is through some kind of touch screen interface.

(Displaying the item on the screen and asking the user for a desciption...)

And of course the system could learn from all of this by adding the unknown

foodstuffs to a database so you don't have to do it again and again...

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ISIS: Iraq KILLS the INTERNET: VPNs, social media and chat apps blocked by government

malle-herbert
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Damned if you do...

Damned if you don't...

Can't help but feel sorry for these people...

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Missiles-on-rooftops Brit spy Farr: UK gov can slurp your Facebook, Twitter ... What of it?

malle-herbert
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Why don't they just...

Why don't they just classify everything outside of GCHQ headquarters as 'external'

and be done with it...

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Huawei WILL make a comeback to US market, policy wonk predicts

malle-herbert
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Trollface

US government will eventually cave in and roll out the red carpet to the Chinese...

Of course they will... since China pratically owns half the US...

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The cute things they say

malle-herbert
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Joke

Here's a whole bunch of em...

Computer Stupidities

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Shiny happy people holding DIMMs: Plus Facebook's data centres are going all-flash

malle-herbert
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Damn...

Thank you ! Thank you very much !

Now I have that stupid song stuck in my head for the rest of the day !

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Japan's DOCOMO suggests wearable SIM cards

malle-herbert
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FAIL

Great...

Yet another way to give everybody a unique identifier that of course

would never be abused...

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Sealed with an XSS: I gave TweetDeck a heart attack, says teen comp sci boff Firo

malle-herbert
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Re: "Let's see what time brings us."

Jail time...

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We're ALL Winston Smith now - and our common enemy is the Big Brother State

malle-herbert
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Re: "self-selecting audience"

Sounds great !

Makes it a lot easier to identify the morons...

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malle-herbert
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Mushroom

Re: Industry opt outs .....

Had the same thing with an online shop that wanted me to sign in

with a FaceCrook account before I could place an order...

F*ck em ! I'll just take my bussiness elsewhere...

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malle-herbert
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Re: "The product of Freedom and Security is a constant"

No it isn't...

Not as long as there is another factor called money(M) involved in the equasion...

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'Think of the children', Putin tells startup-land

malle-herbert
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Big Brother

Next up :

Banning all gay websites...

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Pictures of elite 'Chinese military hacker' published

malle-herbert
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"The United States cannot pretend that it is the victim."

Yeah... but that doesn't stop them from trying...

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DARPA gamifies open-source software testing

malle-herbert
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Facepalm

What if there is a bug in the software ?

Wouldn't that also create a bug in the game ?

(also... what if there is a bug in the software of the game itself ?)

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YOU - NASA. Enough with the ROBOTS, get some PEOPLE to MARS

malle-herbert
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Meh

Of course

They won't plan a manned mission to Mars...

It's waaaaayyy more important to spy on each other and kill one another...

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Apple? More like FAP-PLE: Fanbois are the BIGGEST PERVS, say people who know

malle-herbert
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Trollface

Apple fanbois...

bunch of wankers...

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Oh, wow. US Secret Service wants a Twitter sarcasm-spotter

malle-herbert
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Joke

Re: Mock away, but are you sure you know what irony is?

Like rain on your wedding day ?

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Google uses disruptive 'poem' tech to announce new Chromebook availability

malle-herbert
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Roses are red

Roses are red...

Violets are blue...

Eric Schmidt and Mark Zuckerberg...

F*ck you !

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Snowden shoots back: 'So you DO have my emails, after all'

malle-herbert
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Re: Article correction

It's actually : 'No Such Agency'

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SPB's mountaintop HQ menaced by WOLVES

malle-herbert
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BLAIDD DRWG...

Bad wolf...

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Snowden never blew a whistle, US spy boss claims

malle-herbert
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Big Brother

Lying sacks of sh*t....

Behaving as expected.... (see title...)

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Intel unveils kit to speed evolution of digital driving

malle-herbert
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Fine by me...

As long as I don't have to put a stupid 'Intel inside' sticker on my car...

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