He thought the tree was Lush...
214 posts • joined 7 Jul 2007
He thought the tree was Lush...
Covered in cuts and looking for a local hospital?
There's an app for that...
Are you sure it ricocheted off a armadillo and not a armoured dildo?
The dyson ball cleaner shouldn't be used as it's name suggests...
To welcome our Ganymede and Europa dwelling new overlords.
I'll tell you what, the Queen's put on a few pounds....
Which wankers came up with this study...
Not quite true,
It's not banned, you're just not allowed to encrypt traffic. Most if not all vendors now have settings for justthis sot of thing. Likewise there are certain places where encryption has to be enabled (GOV for example).
If deploying CISCO you have to be careful with that one as during install it asks about it and if you pick the wrong one, you're fecked further down the line and it's a nuke / start the install again.
I didn't recognise her as here in the UK she's called Katy Lambrini....
Who;s the lovely lady standing behind the lollipop in the article pic?
But I bet they'll charge for it...
Thanks kindly Sir. And I know exactly what you mean about the comment. In ye days of old there would have a race to be the first person to say it.
El-Reg is full of young whippersnappers now!
To welcome our new Oxygen-free, methane-based overlords.
Thanks for the heads...
You'll never be sure if it sounds any better than the cheap one it replaced until you look at how much you've spent on it!
Please tell me that the brewery has a pub attached called...
"The Prince Of Whales"
This will cause mass panic amongst scientists.
the people complaining about this are wankers...
It would seem there's Honour among thieves..
The trolls getting outraged about fucking arseholes when they're quite clearly fucking arseholes...
I'll bet it tastes excellent, very light...
/Gets dragged off stage left.
"I need to charge my iWatch every day!"
Is that a wind up?
"No it's got a battery,.."
Let's hope they do use their teeth to hit these spamming cuntflap fuckwits where it hurts.
Voyager has taken 37 years to travel it's 18 light hours so far. So by quick head calculations, to travel it's full 1 light day distance is going to take another 12 (+ a few months) years. So It's not going to be able to broadcast it's done that light day before it's systems shutdown :-(
Note: Somehow I think I've got my maths very wrong, but I've now been working since Saturday with no sleep so excuse my school boy errors.
the last comment was obviously a joke, before anyone takes offence.
Being that it came from Lockheed's Skunk works who are one of the most respected engineering design and problem solving teams in the world, this announcement should be treated with a bit less scepticism as the cold fusion one made by one man some time ago.
Anyone interested in this should have a look at the wiki page which has a little bit more info (not much) on it and it's designer.
Sounds like con fusion to me.
The aye-Phone, aye-Pad and aye-Pod...
/gets coat (because Scotland is cold)
If you're waiting for some hacking group to release naked pics of Emma Watson, you're obviously a wanker.
There wasn't one picture of Kim Kardashian's tit in those leaked images!
Or Kayne as she likes to call him...
I had a text from Google last week to say someone had tried to log in to my account and they'd stopped it as it looked suspicious. I Had to change the password.
I wonder if this is the reason?
I've been trying to log in to my Barclays Bank account this morning.
So far all my attempts have been in vein...
/gets coat and is dragged of stage.
I thought this was some kind of actual puppet convention and was about to enter, but it's just the day job type stuff.
I'm a big fan of puppets, if you are to, put your hand up.
yes Irish woman, use another product on your clungene 'to be sure'
I'm actually a bit stunned that the Chinese do a cheap pregnancy test, they really do take the piss..
If you're in to fisting, put your hand up.
Does it come with a copy of 'The Origin OF Faeces?'
Don't let my son go down...
Which just goes to show that here in the UK, we really are a bunch of wankers..
His phone being in the dock, put him in the dock!
t's getting a bit round the block now.
And by reading the article, you Sir are as much a traitor as El Reg or I.
Just how many hands is that horse of yours? Be careful you don't hurt yourself when you fall off.
Laying a drive with rubble and glitter, that's pretty hardcore.
Yep, I posted mainly 2 line jokes, not just 2 lines and 1 joke.
If I post more, I'll stick to the 2 line per post format.
The wife's been reading all the letters beginning with 'S' in the dictionary!
I think she's up to something..
Scotland should open a place for quick divorces called Regretna Green.
Play Justin Bieber's songs backwards and you can hear a message from Satan!
Worse, if you play them forwards you hear Justin Bieber.
I'm reading 'The Art Of Whispering - Volume One'
I used to take steroids but stopped when I started growing an extra penis!
No, just a penis..
I got assaulted last night by some bastard with a power tool!!
There I was minding my own business when 'Bosch.'
How do you make a horse drink?
With a massive blender!
Lollipop Ladies, they make me cross.
Schrödinger's cat walks in to a bar / Schrödinger's cat doesn't walk in to a bar.
I had an accident in the office earlier!
It was bring your child to work day.
Ironically in a list of all the phobias that people suffer from, the fear of heights is right near the top.
Watson: "Nothing Holmes, telly is crap tonight"
How do you grow an LSD tree?
Everyone knows who Beyonce is, but not many know her cousin Beytwice!
I've written a song about Jimmy Savile's willy!
It's in a minor..
Man caught stealing hay has been released on bail..
I haven't contacted my mate Frodo Baggins for ages, I think I'll give him a ring..
I call my loofah 'Lex'
The wife's just moved out because of my obsession with Ultravox!
This means nothing to me.
Wow, it turns out the young musician of the year is a kiddy fiddler..
I've just given the kids a dead arm each!
I'll give them the rest of their mothers body later..
Big shout out to the hard of hearing.
I hate weebles, self righteous bastards..
I phoned a local restaurant earlier and asked if they done home delivery?
Them: "We do Sir"
Me: "Fantastic, I'll have a bungalow.."
My New Years resolution?
To buy a Velcro sofa! Hopefully I'll stick to it..
The wife asked me to buy her a One Direction ticket!
So I have..
That should do you for a while. I've got loads more in Twitter @hi_robb if you want to have a look.
Seems a bit gun hoe...
That they also plan to put 1 more floor on top of the building this lift is in!
But that's another story...
It's about time...
I prefer this one.
I'll tell you what, The Queen's put on a few pounds..
I suggested 'Munro' as Tim is a keen climber, loves Scotland and climbing there and has a Scottish wife. It's also a play on his name with Sir Munro being the first to catalogue all 'peaks' over 3000ft in Scotland.
I know why they insist people sign using a pen...
To be sure...