183 posts • joined 7 Jul 2007
I thought this was some kind of actual puppet convention and was about to enter, but it's just the day job type stuff.
I'm a big fan of puppets, if you are to, put your hand up.
yes Irish woman, use another product on your clungene 'to be sure'
I'm actually a bit stunned that the Chinese do a cheap pregnancy test, they really do take the piss..
If you're in to fisting, put your hand up.
Does it come with a copy of 'The Origin OF Faeces?'
Don't let my son go down...
Only a small percentage use the filters...
Which just goes to show that here in the UK, we really are a bunch of wankers..
His phone being in the dock, put him in the dock!
Wow, Tetris is really 30 years old...
t's getting a bit round the block now.
And by reading the article, you Sir are as much a traitor as El Reg or I.
Just how many hands is that horse of yours? Be careful you don't hurt yourself when you fall off.
Another of mine
Laying a drive with rubble and glitter, that's pretty hardcore.
Re: Some of mine.
Yep, I posted mainly 2 line jokes, not just 2 lines and 1 joke.
If I post more, I'll stick to the 2 line per post format.
Some of mine.
The wife's been reading all the letters beginning with 'S' in the dictionary!
I think she's up to something..
Scotland should open a place for quick divorces called Regretna Green.
Play Justin Bieber's songs backwards and you can hear a message from Satan!
Worse, if you play them forwards you hear Justin Bieber.
I'm reading 'The Art Of Whispering - Volume One'
I used to take steroids but stopped when I started growing an extra penis!
No, just a penis..
I got assaulted last night by some bastard with a power tool!!
There I was minding my own business when 'Bosch.'
How do you make a horse drink?
With a massive blender!
Lollipop Ladies, they make me cross.
Schrödinger's cat walks in to a bar / Schrödinger's cat doesn't walk in to a bar.
I had an accident in the office earlier!
It was bring your child to work day.
Ironically in a list of all the phobias that people suffer from, the fear of heights is right near the top.
Watson: "Nothing Holmes, telly is crap tonight"
How do you grow an LSD tree?
Everyone knows who Beyonce is, but not many know her cousin Beytwice!
I've written a song about Jimmy Savile's willy!
It's in a minor..
Man caught stealing hay has been released on bail..
I haven't contacted my mate Frodo Baggins for ages, I think I'll give him a ring..
I call my loofah 'Lex'
The wife's just moved out because of my obsession with Ultravox!
This means nothing to me.
Wow, it turns out the young musician of the year is a kiddy fiddler..
I've just given the kids a dead arm each!
I'll give them the rest of their mothers body later..
Big shout out to the hard of hearing.
I hate weebles, self righteous bastards..
I phoned a local restaurant earlier and asked if they done home delivery?
Them: "We do Sir"
Me: "Fantastic, I'll have a bungalow.."
My New Years resolution?
To buy a Velcro sofa! Hopefully I'll stick to it..
The wife asked me to buy her a One Direction ticket!
So I have..
That should do you for a while. I've got loads more in Twitter @hi_robb if you want to have a look.
Seems a bit gun hoe...
That they also plan to put 1 more floor on top of the building this lift is in!
But that's another story...
Well done El Reg for doing this article.
It's about time...
I prefer this one.
I'll tell you what, The Queen's put on a few pounds..
I've entered to.
I suggested 'Munro' as Tim is a keen climber, loves Scotland and climbing there and has a Scottish wife. It's also a play on his name with Sir Munro being the first to catalogue all 'peaks' over 3000ft in Scotland.
I know why they insist people sign using a pen...
To be sure...
We could call it Web spider man...
Yep and I'm one of them.
My speakers were set in their position so they were a certain distance from the rear wall to minimize standing waves, but kept good bass repsonse and tonal quality. I done it using a laser measure, taking in to account I wanted a perfect triangle distance wise between the speakers themselves and each speaker to the centre axis of my head!
Finally toe in of each speaker was taken care of with a laser pointer. I found the sweet spot for toe in with my speakers was not firing direct at the centre of my head but about 3 inches either side of it. Basically the axis of the speakers would cross just behind my head.
There's many methods out there for setting up speakers, I tried most of them before settling on what's essentially a bit from 2 or 3 of the better known ones (Cardas etc). Does it make a difference though? Yes absolutely, pin point soundstage, great tonality and no bass bloat, the speakers essentially do vanish and you hear the music, not the equipment. Yes it's a bit sad, but it harmed no one and I'm happy with the sound.
I do agree though that there's an awful lot of snake oil in the audiophille world.
I'm asumming his bike of choice was a hard tail...
Will companies that refuse to comply be hauled in to the dock?
The inventor is clearly suffering from con fusion.
People will always find a way do do stuff like this, as long as they don't use Apple Maps to do it that is.
Just wait until the Brazilian cuntingents visit it and prepare to be vajazzzled.
Did a team choose this word, or did someone pick it their selfie?
A message to Barclays IT people. To check of a server is up Pingit....
His last words were..
"Here I am, brain the size of a planet and they ask me to clean up after them!"
It sounds like Jeff and his Wife's romance is doing well and they won't have to rekindle their relationship....
Us IT people by the very nature of what we do for a living can be seen as boring, non sexy people. So I'm all for a bit of innuendo at work!
In fact I try to slip it in whenever I can..
A posh person's dildo in a car?
That really is stuck up...
"Five new HACKERS join FBI's 'most wanted' list!"
Now there's an Enid Blyton title I never seen in the library :-(
This is worth celebrating so I'm off to the pube, sorry pub!
But a couple of thoughts before I do...
1: Does this mean in future that you won't get head lice, you'll get head crabs?
2: It certainly puts a whole new spin on the "just going to get my hair snipped" saying.
3: does it mean we have to call 'mohicans' 'brazillians' now?
3: do helmets now need to be called something else!!!!
/Gets coat and calls taxi
Easyjet obviously changed something and it's gone titsup!
Rather than just going for the big bang, they should have had a pilot..
If Steve was around, he'd spit fire...
In other news bear shits in woods.
I've also got a lot of CDs (now running in to the thousands).
I've thought about starting the process of ripping them but it would just take too bloody long. The wife would also disown me as she can't be faffed with anything other than grabbing a CD and sticking it in the cd player, and the kids would not be able to find barbie girl or justin beaver or whatever crap it is they want to listen to.
I also like the author love having the physical media, it makes me feel like I've actually bought something. Not only that but people who visit always comment on the music collection and love thumbing through it.
I've also got a fairly high end hifi at home consiting of two speakers, an amp and a cd player. the CD player is magical as it has a magnetic puck! So to put a CD on you - a: manually pull cd drawer out, b: pull magnetic puck off tray, c: place cd in tray, then d: place puck over top of CD and it clamps the CD down, then finally close tray and press play.
Call me nostalgic but it's abit like putting a 12' on a deck and putting the needle on and it never fails to make me feel a little bit good doing it.
I have Mp3s obviously as I listen to music on the go but it just feels sterile putting on of them on.
"Then please switch your phone to flight mode"
I just love unlocking my new iPhone with my nipple!
Sorry, just had to get it off my chest.
Cop - "So what makes you think theives managed to bypass the new touchID in your iPhone 5s?
Crime Vitcum : I don't know, I just can't put my finger on it...
Looks like they've got a small iQueue...
They use this it in perfume to!
"Hello Miss, I love the smell of you beaver.."
All I can say is...
The cleaners are going to be sticking two fingers up at the scanners!
Someone needs to tell them that one's enough for the machine to work...
Looks like an iPhone in a case to me!
Possible new range of cases by some unknown firm perhaps?
I bought my wife a one direction ticket earlier!
It sounds like it was a popular event.
Beep, Beep, Beep
PASADENA CONTROL: It's looking good. It's going good. We're getting
great pictures here at Nasa Control, Pasadena. The landing-craft touched down on
Mars 28 Kilometers from the aim-point. We're looking at a remarkable landscape,
littered with different kinds of rocks - red, purple.... How 'bout that, Bermuda?
BERMUDA CONTROL: Fantastic! Look at the dune-field.
PASADENA CONTROL: Hey, wait. I'm getting a no-go signal. Now I'm losing one of
the craft. Hey, Bermuda, you getting it?
BERMUDA CONTROL: No, I lost contact. There's a lot of dust blowing up there.
PASADENA CONTROL: Now I've lost the second craft. We got problems.
BERMUDA CONTROL: All contact lost, Pasadena. Maybe the antenna's...
PASADENA CONTROL: What's that flare? See it? A green flare, coming from Mars,
kind of a green mist behind it. It's getting closer. You see it, Bermuda? Come in,
Bermuda! Houston, come in! What's going on?
Tracking station 43, Canberra, come in Canberra! Tracking station 63, can
you hear me, Madrid? Can anybody hear me? Come in, come in...
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