* Posts by Maty

604 posts • joined 6 Jul 2007

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TalkTalk CuffCuffs 'ScamScam CrimCrims'

Maty
Devil

ah yes .... support?

A while back I got a server with faulty RAM. Called the support line of the company (I won't say which one, but it rhymes with 'hell').

'Ah', says tech chappie 'I am seeing from your order number that you are in education, so I am to be transferring you to that department.' (cue ten minutes of classical music)

'Faulty RAM?' says education chappie. 'I am to be transferring you to hardware.' (cue ten minutes of classical music)

Says hardware, 'This is an education order so I'm transferring you to them ...' (cue ten minutes of classical music)

Needless to say I've never purchased another box from them, and advised my colleagues against doing so. Multiply by X dissatisfied customers, and how much has their 'low-cost' support service cost the company?

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BOFH: I want no memory of this pointless conversation. Alcohol please

Maty

Well, we now have a better idea of where Simon lives - anyone who has played booze roulette on the underground and ended up trying to take a cab home will know that 'Sorry guv,' but cabbies 'can't take you sarf of the rivah.'

Uber is Karma.

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Microsoft: We’ve taken down the botnets. Europol: Would Sir like a kill switch, too?

Maty

Dear Pesant

It's 'peasant'.

Your Pedant.

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Boffins baffled by record-smashing supernova that shouldn't exist

Maty
Pint

Re: No H or He?

Thanks for taking the time to explain. It did indeed help.

Have one on me.

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Maty

Re: No H or He?

'Space didn't "travel" faster than the speed of light, it just expanded faster.'

Ah. thanks for clearing that up. Now when space was expanding faster than the speed of light, at what speed was the border between space and non-space moving?

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Going on a date, and it's just the two of you? How ... quaint. OkCupid's setting up threesomes

Maty

Conversation got hit by a troll. And you fell for it.

Be ashamed.

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Patch now! Flash-exploitin' PC-hijackin' attack spotted in the wild by Huawei bods

Maty

The internet needs to kill off Flash. It's like a family pet suffering a painful terminal illness, except that this illness is dangerous for everyone around.

Just put it out of our misery already.

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Social media snitching bill introduced into US Congress by intel bosses

Maty

Have you noticed ...

How much Dianne Feinstein looks like Dolores Umbridge of Harry Potter fame? Seems that they have more than their appearance in common.

http://vignette2.wikia.nocookie.net/harrypotter/images/4/47/Odfestudiohq_25252824252529.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20110726180134

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Pope instructs followers to put the iPhone away during dinner

Maty
Happy

Re: Expert

No, it's not a dress. You darn well know that, but I'll give you chapter and verse anyway.

It's a cassock, and probably a surplice on top of that. It's based on the vestis talaris which civilized, (and rather macho Romans) were wearing while trouser-clad barbarian types were still figuring out how to get the lice out of their beards. How is it that no-one suggests that Caesar was wearing a dress while his be-skirted legionaries were knocking the crap out of the Britons?

You might just as well refer to a navy seal in battledress as wearing panties and a chemise instead of boxer shorts and camo jacket - the descriptions are equally inaccurate.

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Horrid checkbox download bundlers drop patch-frozen Chrome

Maty

then there's EULA ...

I was halfway through downloading my weekly magazine onto the iPad when up pops Apple's 'Your terms and conditions have changed. Please read this frigging 52-page document of legalese in fine print and then click 'I agree' before you can get on with your magazine and morning tea and toast. (Please note there is no 'I disagree' button.)'

Like 99.99% of the population I agreed to something I had not read. I might have agreed to sell my first born to Satan, accept unpatched versions of Adobe, or agreed to install and never delete iTunes.

The whole system is broken

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Instascam! Apple yanks phoney app, Google follows

Maty
Pint

Re: "Er no... It was a free app therefore zero profit to both Apple and Google."

@AC

'This is the 100millionth time they've let things slip by....' Now, take a deep breath. According to Apple, there are just under 3/4 of a million apps in the app store

(http://ipod.about.com/od/iphonesoftwareterms/qt/apps-in-app-store.htm)

Therefore your post suggests that each app is faulty despite being screened more than 100 times. I've nothing against a bit of hyperbole, but this seems a touch OTT. Have a drink while you calm down.

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We can't all live by taking in each others' washing

Maty

erm ...no?

'in the modern world the insurance sector ... is larger than the agriculture sector by some way. We therefore appear to value insurance more than food at this level of wealth. '

The size of a business sector does not relate to the value of its products. Let's rewrite this sentence with one minor change.

'in the modern world the potato sector ... is larger than the caviar sector by some way. We therefore appear to value potatoes more than caviar at this level of wealth. '

would like to add to the chorus of lamentation at the Worstall departure. It's one of the columns that makes the Reg worth visiting

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Massive global cooling process discovered as Paris climate deal looms

Maty

Eco-geddon v. paint

This is why I love Reg commantards. We have an announcement about a climate-change variable of considerable significance, and this results in an animated discussion about paint.

Reminds me of Ridcully trying to keep a discussion by wizards on track.

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KARMA POLICE: GCHQ spooks spied on every web user ever

Maty

Actually they've got you already

If the authorities wanted to arrest you, you're already cooked. Hours after your arrest, the media will be informed - correctly - that you were discovered to have had child pornography on your computer and bomb-making equipment in your home. Consider this:

Child Pornography; Level 1 on the COPINE scale:

'Non-erotic and non-sexualised pictures showing children in their underwear or swimming costumes from either commercial sources or family albums.'

Bomb-making equipment - for obvious reasons I'm not going into detail here, but if you have bleach, one of several types of domestic cleaning products, and gasoline in the car in your garage you are well on the way. Add nitrogen-based fertilizer in the garden shed and you certainly can produce a handy bang.

You might as well plead guilty now.

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'Walter Mitty' IT manager admits to buying gun on dark web

Maty

one of the rules of the internet

(I forget which one) Men are men, women are men, children are FBI agents.

Trusting that someone on Darknet is who he claims to be is the height of naivety.

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BAN the ROBOT WHORES, says robot whore expert: 'These AREN'T BARBIES'

Maty

The good Dr Richardson seems confused about the distinction between a feminist and a misandrist.

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Cuffed Texan woman holsters loaded gun IN VAGINA

Maty

Re: Could that really have gone off?

'As someone who has always been told to keep such gear meticulously clean ..'

re we talking firearms or gynecology here?

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Canned laughter for Canadians selling cans of air at $15 a pop

Maty

pure mountain smog

Except the air around Banff for most of August has been slightly worse than the air in downtown Beijing. There are huge fires burning in northern Washington State, and the prevailing winds have been carrying the smoke north-east into the Rockies.

Thanks to some welcome rain hereabouts, the smoke has cleared a lot this week, but take a look at http://firesmoke.ca/forecasts/BSC00WC04/current/# to get the general idea.

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Jeep Cherokee 2.2: Capable, comfortable ... but just not very Jeep

Maty

If you think a Jeep should be about crossing the Rockies, forget it.

Take the transCanada on Highway One past Banff, and you could do it in a Trabant ...

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Sick of politicians robo-calling you? Bin your landline, says the FCC

Maty

Phones - phooey

If you have something to say to me, send an email. There's very little so urgent that it requires a voice conversation immediately.

A while back I got so peeved with spam calls that I ditched my landline (saving a good few bucks in the process) got a mobile- and turned it off.

Whenever someone interrupts a face to face conversation with 'I've got to take this call', I simply walk away. Apart from 999 calls, no phone has an automatic right to be answered.

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Assange™ is 'upset' that he WON'T be prosecuted for rape, giggles lawyer

Maty
Thumb Up

Re: WTF?

Right, right, and right.

For example the Abu Omar case, where a Muslim cleric was abducted from the streets of Milan by CIA operatives.

The US Counterintelligence Analysis Report published under the auspices of the Department of Defense Intelligence Analysis Program (DIAP) which claims Assange is a terrorist supporter who has engaged in cyber-spying. Also, the US justice department's refusal to deny that it has closed the book on any prosecution for these 'offences' by Assange.

Finally https://internationalextraditionblog.files.wordpress.com/2010/12/us-sweden-extradition-treaty-14-ust-1845.pdf

Research all these, and then decide if assange is making this all up to boost his ego.

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Buffoon in 999 call: 'Cat ate my bacon and I want to press charges'

Maty

Be grateful that W. Yorks have professionals answering their emergency calls. Compare that with the scumbag 911 operator in the States who hung up on a caller trying to save a dying man - because he didn't like her attitude.

http://www.cbc.ca/news/world/new-mexico-911-operator-tells-caller-to-deal-with-it-yourself-after-shooting-1.3171526

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Maty

Re: Too polite

Urban legend. Cats can and do digest pork. You'll also see it listed on pet foods as 'ham' or similar.

It's not recommended that you feed a cat bacon, but that's because the sodium level is too high - nothing to do with the meat itself. Well cooked pork is as safe for a cat as beef or tuna. (In fact probably safer than tuna depending on the mercury content.)

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UK.gov wants to stop teenagers looking at tits online. No, really

Maty

It's not about porn ...

It's about controlling how people use the internet.

'To a government, freedom means failure. It represents something the government has been unable to regulate or tax.' - G. Faldene

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Attention dunderheads: Taxpayers are NOT giving businesses £93bn

Maty
FAIL

Re: The Truth of the Matter is this...

'Any and all references to fixing any problem by cutting foreign aid automatically qualify your post as a loss under the Godwin principle... only in this case you are the looser AND the nazi.'

It's Godwin's Law, and the general interpretation is that the first person to mention the Nazis is the loser. So you can add ignorance of Godwin's law to ignorance of economics and ignorance of spelling.

On the bright side Sir, think of all the room you have for improvement!

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Canadian dirtbag jailed for SWAT'ing, doxing women gamers

Maty

He can still have a role in society

As a ghastly warning. This particular little toerag is beyond saving, and the consensus here seems to be that neither jail time nor professional help will do much.

So why not give as massive a punishment as statute allows? Not to help him, but to discourage other little snotwads who are thinking of doing the same thing. Maybe someone contemplating 5 years jail time and a computer ban for life might think twice before unleashing a SWAT team for 'lulz'.

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US govt now says 21.5 million people exposed by OPM hack – here's what you need to know

Maty

First they slurp all the data they can - legally or otherwise. Then stick it on a server so world + dog can hack it.

Next, they give a sickly grin and promise it won't happen again.

Rinse and repeat. And we - the general public - believe them. Right now the security services and general public are in an abusive relationship.

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BOT-GEDDON coming after ZeusVM leak, hacker warns

Maty
FAIL

A good try, but that image is not Zeus. It's Heracles. I'm assuming you took Shutterstock's word for it when you used (and rather nicely elongated) their 'white face Zeus' image.

However, if you look at the top you can see the head of the Nemean lion which Heracles used as armour. (Its skin was impenetrable). Zeus' iconic animal was the eagle. Zeus is not depicted in classical art or statuary with a lion, and never with a lion head-dress.

Take a look at this pic of Heracles in the Met Museum of Art, for comparison.

https://c2.staticflickr.com/8/7568/16305005052_97a51cb8a9_b.jpg

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Silly Google's Photos app labelled BLACK PEOPLE as GORILLAS

Maty

http://www.theguardian.com/world/shortcuts/2015/jun/29/shabani-gorilla-internet-heart-throb-japanese-women-higashiyama-zoo

Some people find gorillas highly admirable.

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Maty
Headmaster

Re: On the other hand, if I am included in their images database, ...

'Someone will always imply something that was never there in the first place.'

I think you mean 'infer something'.

When you imply something, you suggest an idea without stating it directly. If you infer something, you imagine that an idea has been suggested but not directly stated. That's why when you 'infer' something you bring your own idea into what you heard or read. (Latin inferre - 'bring in')

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Buh bye fakers? Amazon tweaks customer product reviews system

Maty

my fave review

' Was most disappointed with the novel. The characters are ill-defined and one-dimensional. The plot had no unusual turns and was easily predictable.'

This being the review for a technical non-fiction book on the Roman army. The problem being that any fool can write a review, and many fools do.

http://www.amazon.com/Legionary-Roman-Soldiers-Unofficial-Manual/product-reviews/0500251517/ref=cm_cr_dp_qt_hist_one?ie=UTF8&filterBy=addOneStar&showViewpoints=0

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Vicious vandals violate voluminous Versailles vagina

Maty

Re: 19 June! Celebrate!

Not necessarily. Armistice Day is not Armistice's Day, and Christmas Day is not Christmas' Day. So if we have a day celebrating the nation's pedants National Pedants Day is perfectly grammatical.

(Hurls chalk back.)

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Spaniard sues eBay over right to sell the Sun

Maty

so ...

If I go to a notary and establish rights to the Durán brain,can I sell it?

After all, I'm taking vacant possession.

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The rare metals debate: Only trace elements of sanity found

Maty

shovels and spades

'Child slaves with bucket and spade (sorry, shovel, farmers use spades.)'

You use a spade to dig and a shovel to move stuff around. (Think of the verb 'to shovel'.) If you can grasp economics, Mr Worstall, making this distinction should not be too hard.

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Nosy Brit cops demand access to comms data EVERY TWO MINUTES

Maty

Re: Have you really checked the numbers?

You make a good case, Sir. But if that's why and how it's done it seems to me that a judge would have no problems writing out a warrant for cops to access the data - as has happened for decades.

What is more of an issue is that police and government now want massive and warrantless access to everyone's data, and the only reason they can offer is that it will keep us safe from the dreaded paedoterrorist alliance.

That does sound unreasonable.

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Yay for Tor! It's given us RANSOMWARE-as-a-service

Maty

Screensavers ...

A few years back I wanted to change the monitor of a well-respected academic for a more modern one. (He was using a CRT ffs.) After meeting with stubborn resistance, we finally got to the reason. He 'liked the screensavers installed on this monitor'.

So yeah, I believe that people still happily install .scr viruses. Not least because 'if there's something wrong with it, I'll just call IT to sort it out.'

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Skype hauled into court after refusing to hand call records to cops

Maty

I find myself cheering for Microsoft? My, how the world has changed!

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Land Rover's return: Last orders and leather seats for Defender nerds

Maty

the kudu

Mention must also be made of the Kudu armored personnel carrier built on a Landrover base by the Rhodesian security forces. A model of this weird-looking beast can be seen here ...

http://www.newrhodesian.ca/viewtopic.php?f=48&t=251

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BOFH: Getting to the brown, nutty heart of the water cooler matter

Maty

ahh...

I used to take a Dak regularly between Grand Reef and what was then Salisbury in Rhodesia. The old Gooney bird had to fly very low for part of the journey to avoid rockets, which meant getting bucked around a lot by thermals.

So, on a trip with newbies, some of the infantry guys would fill one of those green NATO airsickness bags with fruit salad, and once the plane started the full roller-coaster bit and the newbs were looking a bit green, he'd pretend to barf into the bag.

Then he'd pass it to the person next to him, who'd take out some of the fruit salad and start to eat it. We had to stop doing that eventually because too many newbs didn't get to their own barf bags in time.

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Hacker 3D prints device that can crack a combo lock in 30 seconds

Maty

The best security is to live in the right place.

Two years ago a builder was working on part of our house. When he left for the night there was a thousand or so quids worth of power tools on the lawn. Since this was visible from the street I asked him if the tools would be okay. He gave me a worried look and asked 'It's not going to rain, is it?'

Pick the right bit of the backwoods, and security consists of making sure the doors have doorknobs and not handles. Bears figured out doors long ago, but you need opposable thumbs to open a doorknob.

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Red-faced Germans halt NSA cooperation after Euro spying revealed

Maty

B'ND's listening station in Bad Aibling...'

Bad, Aibling! Bad!

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Nothing says 'Taliban' quite like net neutrality, eh, EU Digi Commish?

Maty

Politicians and the net ...

... go together like monkeys and nuclear physics.

There are two issues here. Firstly, politicos - and today's specimen is a fairly typical exhibit - are mostly from a generation that thinks using email puts them on the cutting edge of the digital revolution. So people who can't tell a browser from an operating system are making legislation about the internet. Unsurprisingly, since they don't understand the Net, and have trouble controlling it, politicians fear it, and their legislation reflects this.

Secondly, legislation is a slow, cumbersome business designed in the eighteenth and nineteenth centuries, when there was little urgency, and plenty of time for checks and balances to swing ponderously into place. Meanwhile the internet moves on and evolves. So we get laws made today that address issues relevant in 2005.

So we get stories like this one. Politicians who do not understand the present proposing legislation about the future based on an irrelevant and misinterpreted model from the past.

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The Walton kids are ABSURDLY wealthy – and you're benefitting

Maty

not just $

One of the reasons the rich are getting richer is that the 1% really work at it.

I remember the Economist did an article on this about two years back. If you are a kid in the 1% life consists of being rammed into a 'top' nursery school, then rounds of private tutors and extra classes until you can get into the kind of university that gets you a valuable degree and contacts among the 'best people'. Then its on to a high-pressure life in management, lawyering or finance.

The rest of us tend to have a slightly more laid-back attitude, allow kids to more or less develop at their own pace, take gap years and so on. In short, the rich work harder at getting and staying rich than the rest of us. Given that they have more practice, the right funding and contacts, they succeed more often too.

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Microsoft's top legal eagle: US cannot ignore foreign privacy laws

Maty

turn it round ...

If the Chinese or Russian government wanted access to emails on servers based in the USA in violation of US privacy laws, would there be any doubt of the response?

How do you spell 'hypocrisy' in American English?

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Marvell: We don't want to pay this $1.5bn patent bill because, cripes, it's way too much

Maty

Re: Blasphemy

Not only did most people know the earth was not flat, they knew it a long time ago.

The ancient Egyptians opted for egg-shaped, but the ancient Greeks figured out the shape from the shadow of the earth on the moon.

In 200 BC Eratosthenes even worked out that the earth had a circumference of 24 700 miles. Which shows how primitive and unsophisticated people were in those days. In fact the circumference is 24 900 miles

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Sony tells hacked gamer to pay for crooks' abuse of PlayStation account

Maty

Re: Who gives a fuck?!?!

FOTW or Troll?

I'll go with E

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'If people can encrypt their cell phones, what's stopping them encrypting their PCs?'

Maty

"Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself." –Mark Twain

Congressman John Carter shows that some things never change ...

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Forum chat is like Clarkson punching you repeatedly in the face

Maty

Re: M&S

Okay, I googled it, and got this

http://www.lanarkshiremums.co.uk/pregnancy.html 'Pregnancy classes in Lanarkshire'.

Coatbridge girls have to attend classes on how to get pregnant?

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Maty

Re: @Terra

Perhaps he merely missed the spacebar, something Idoalot. The reference could have been to Nob End, a scenic bit of landscape on the canal somewhere north of Manchester. In which case this is indeed a terrible thing to say to a Yorkshireman.

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Adobe Flash fix FAIL exposes world's most popular sites

Maty

flash ...

Remember the outrage when Steve jobs said that iOS would not use Flash? If only more companies had followed his lead ....

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