Feeds

* Posts by returnmyjedi

351 posts • joined 26 Mar 2013

Page:

EE launches 150Mbps '4G+' in Central London

returnmyjedi
Bronze badge

Re: Caps

You did the math.

0
0

NHS quango fatcats spend £2m tax dosh on iPads and iPhones

returnmyjedi
Bronze badge

Re: Better Value

A hospital my firm deals with needed tablets to provide a means for patients to order meals. The only two requisites were WiFi and a web browser. The IT department recommended BB playbooks as they were less than one hundred notes and did the job. The mandarin behind the other overruled the recommendation and ordered several dozen ipads as otherwise "the reputation of the hospital might be damaged if they don't have premium products". Didn't stop the food being complete pig swill, regardless on what they order it via.

7
1

Apple CEO Tim Cook: My well-known gayness is 'a gift from GOD'

returnmyjedi
Bronze badge

Umm, yay?

0
0

Microsoft fitness bands slapped on wrists: All YOUR HEALTH DATA are BELONG TO US

returnmyjedi
Bronze badge

Encouraging to see that Microsoft have leant from their experience in setting the price of both the Surface and Xbox One higher than the competition and the resulting poor sales. For fifty fewer simoleons they could have been onto a winner.

1
0

Lawyers mobilise angry mob against Apple over alleged 2011 Macbook Pro crapness

returnmyjedi
Bronze badge

Re: eco-friendly lead-free solder, heh?

Apple are pretty good at dealing with defective items eventually, what grates me is how long it takes for them to fess up to the issues. My first Apple device was a third gen iPod which had battery issues from day one. After ten months of back and forth from the warranty centre (this was pre genius bars) they admitted it was an issue with the battery and replaced it (didn't extend the warranty though).

Next brush was with a bunch of eMacs in my first job that had been bought by my predecessor and weird video glitches. It was only after we replaced the lot of them did Apple publicly admit there was fault.

The iPhone 4's antenna issue was dealt with, but only after months of denial.

When even Microsoft can outperform you with customer service (admitting the issue with the 360 and the rings of death, which they extended the warranty to three years with replacements/repairs) you know there's something amiss.

0
0

Apple spent just ONE DOLLAR beefing up the latest iPad Air 2

returnmyjedi
Bronze badge

The working conditions at Fruity HQ must be truly diabolical if the r&d costs in getting the latest iPad so thin and such only amounts to a single buck per unit. All those long unpaid hours being whipped by Messrs Cook, Ive et al. Disgraceful.

3
1

Google roolz! Nest buys Revolv, KILLS new sales of home hub

returnmyjedi
Bronze badge

Re: The same Nest that accused Honeywell of trying to bully it out of the market?

You can't get more rounded corners than a circle.

0
0

DOUBLE BONK: Fanbois catch Apple Pay picking pockets

returnmyjedi
Bronze badge

The girl in the queue for overpriced coffee had the first iPhone 6 Plus I've seen in the wild. She didn't bonk it (being in the UK) but I was disappointed how ordinary the phone looked in the (or should that be 'her') flesh, certainly not as Purdy as a HTC One M8 or orange Lumia 930 (the latter might be just my own preference for day glo moves). It was perfectly flat though.

Anywho, the time she spent getting the loyalty app for said rank coffee shop to open she could have slid her card in and punched her pin in. Hopefully apple pay doesn't require quite so much faff.

4
2

Really... an iKeyfob? Apple continues war on fanbois' pockets

returnmyjedi
Bronze badge

The Apple logo?

21
0

US government fines Intel's Wind River over crypto exports

returnmyjedi
Bronze badge

Re: governemtn

Proofreading worthy of the Grauniad. The Gestrier, anyone?

0
0

iPad AIR 2 and iPad MINI 3, 5K iMac: World feels different today – and it IS

returnmyjedi
Bronze badge

Re: Learn something please, Microsoft

I think he was comparing the screen size with the base model Surface Pro 3, which has a throbbing 12" screen.

2
0

The Apple launch AS IT HAPPENED: Totally SERIOUS coverage, not for haters

returnmyjedi
Bronze badge

Re: returnmyjedi

Ah, okay. Other, less reputable sites than el reg are claiming otherwise (and declaring it to be the most magical thing to happen to sims since they were debigified TWICE).

0
0
returnmyjedi
Bronze badge

The new iPad doesn't have a SIM tray, but is 4G compatible. Does this mean that data plans will be controlled by Apple hence forth? Oh joy of joys.

1
1
returnmyjedi
Bronze badge

Martha Lane Fox ain't gonna respect da lack of broads on da San Fran stage.

1
0

Martha Lane Fox: YEUCH! The Internet is MADE by MEN?!?

returnmyjedi
Bronze badge

Martha my dear...

She's dischuffed at the number of XYs that collaborated on building da internet which in turn helped for her to add too her fortune with LastMinute.com

I'm dischuffed at the prevalence of over privileged and private school educated half-wits who dribble through the corridors of power.

Shall we call it a draw?

1
0

Batman in the frame to take on Steve Jobs

returnmyjedi
Bronze badge

Good actor, good director; now all it needs is a script that doesn't scrimp on the more unpleasant (and interesting) details of the man's life.

Stephen Fry has dabbled in scriptwriting before, maybe he's free to bash out a revealing and unbiased treatment?

1
4

Aboard the GOOD SHIP LOLLIPOP, there's a Mobe and a Slab and a TELLYBOX

returnmyjedi
Bronze badge

Re: Philip K. Dick

I can't tell if you're being serious or not.

2
1

Forget passwords, let's use SELFIES, says Obama's cyber tsar

returnmyjedi
Bronze badge

It'll still wouldn't be completely secure. That pretty robot in the Alien film where the acidic ones did breaststroke managed to overcome a security system using an individual's breath, so just think how easy this would be for the likes of Odo and David Bowie's missus to circumvent.

0
0

Facebook, Apple: LADIES! Why not FREEZE your EGGS? It's on the company!

returnmyjedi
Bronze badge

How many birthdays are they expecting their fairer gender employees to wait until they pop out a sprog? Freezing eggs would surely only be of benefit of they were going to use a surrogate or wait until the 'change' has kicked in, otherwise standard IVF and harvesting of the eggs at room temperature would be preferable.

0
0

Apple's new 'iPad Air 2' sliced open, revealing (possible) A8X core

returnmyjedi
Bronze badge

That 2GB of RAM is no doubt to aid it in running IOS 8 which had turned the missus's iPad Air into a bit of a stuttering and crashing mess. I'm also going for NFC so that I can revel at folks thwapping their ipads against unsuspecting contactless payment terminals.

3
4

Apple's iPhone bonk to 'Pay' app launches on Monday

returnmyjedi
Bronze badge

They lost me at "iTunes".

8
0

Shh! Bose and Apple ink SECRET deal to settle 'noise-cancelling' suit

returnmyjedi
Bronze badge

Re: When

No wonder Applebeats agreed to settle. Bose have the same grasp on how innovative they are as the fruity ones are (Bose invented noise cancelling, Apple invented anything they decide to copy/adapt/improve).

5
11

Here's your chance to buy an ancient, working APPLE ONE

returnmyjedi
Bronze badge

If it's still on iOS 6 and hasn't had Ive's day-glo emissions all over it I'll swap it for a still functioning Mesh 486 (DX4 no less) with a Matrox Mystique graphics card and Orchid soundcard. I'll even they're in a copy of Harvard Graphics.

1
1

Want a customer's call records Mr Plod? No probs

returnmyjedi
Bronze badge

Apostrophe atrocity.

0
0

Jonny Ive: Flattered by rivals' designs? Nah, its 'theft'

returnmyjedi
Bronze badge

Re: Those in glass houses, Sir Jony...

Most of the features that Samsung ' copied' in the blood linked to seem to be vast improvements on the Apple designs (the on-screen keyboard especially, which after eight iterations of iOS is still diabolical).

This self belief in Apple's unwavering originality and innovation doesn't seem to be isolated to the hallowed wakes of Cupertino either. Just this afternoon the bloke in front of me at the rugby (go Saints!) was dissing the man in the seat next to him for owning a HTC One M8 which was a apparently a shameless facsimile of his iPhone 6. Yet another example of the lengths that Apple's competitors will go to in bending the space time continuum just to nick fruity ideas.

46
3
returnmyjedi
Bronze badge

Those in glass houses, Sir Jony...

And similar sentiments. He must reeling in how shamelessly Nokia ripped off the colourful design of the iPhone 5C, Google for nicking the flat design of iOS 7 and the LG Prada for so cheekily travelling back in time and pilfering the original iPhone's touch screen. A pox on them!

75
3

Microsoft confirms Surface NOT DEAD YET, next-gen version coming

returnmyjedi
Bronze badge

Likewise at my place. Going to say bye bye to a stack of iPads that the sales team are lugging around with chucky Lenovo laptops. Haven't had a play with the pro 3 yet but was impressed with the build quality and design of the pro 2. A good hundred quid or so overpriced of course, if Microsoft had any idea about the market they'd competitively price it to give it a chance.

4
0

No 12-inch maxiPads for Christmas: Suppliers 'smothered by iPhone 6'

returnmyjedi
Bronze badge

100,000 extra employees to glue together iDevices? That's going to cost Apple and Foxconn at least an extra $100,000 a week to pay their combined wages.

2
1

Gates and Ballmer NOT ON SPEAKING TERMS – report

returnmyjedi
Bronze badge

Re: B&B

Does that make Nadella Ed Milliband? Quick! Get the CEO a beacon sandwich to awkwardly eat and a speech to forget!

1
0

Vulture takes BlackBerry's Passport through customs

returnmyjedi
Bronze badge

Re: Keyboard won't be a gamechanger for BB

iOS 8 brought forth the option of installing Swype, and it's quite wretched which is odd as I like it on Android (still infinitely better than the execrable SwiftKey, natch).

1
0

Windows 10 feedback: 'Microsoft, please do a deal with Google to use its browser'

returnmyjedi
Bronze badge

Re: "As slow as a fart in a frying pan"?

Agreed. Basic rules of thermodynamics would suggest that farting into a (presumably hot) frying pan would increase its velocity somewhat. So IE12 must be very fast indeed, non?

9
1

EU competition chief goes after Amazon’s delux Lux tax deal

returnmyjedi
Bronze badge

Re: 5000 amazons?

He was following the example of HMRC.

3
0

Apple tries to kill iWorm: Zombie botnet feasting on Mac brains

returnmyjedi
Bronze badge

Re: Will you make up your mind.

"You thought Apple products never get viruses? You'd be right,

There are no Mac viruses. Period."

Pre OSX Macs had there fair share of viruses, with SevenDust, MacMag and Elk Convert springing to mind. OSX has been virus free as far as I know but has had its sure share of worms and Trojans.

1
0

Steve Jobs makes world a better place FROM BEYOND THE GRAVE

returnmyjedi
Bronze badge

Re: Shocking!

I thought Bill Gates saved Apple? Our am I remembering things wrong?

2
0
returnmyjedi
Bronze badge

Re: Of course, if Jobs had invented a cure for H.I.V., the Register would still hate him

"Of course, if Jobs had invented a cure for H.I.V., the Register would still hate him

Get a life."

The reason why quite a lot of folks find the hoisting of Jobs to good like status bemusing is because in the grand scheme of things he didn't really change the world for the better, merely giving already trundling bandwagons a bit of a push. Using your epidemiology analogy it's as if the Apple luvvies think Stevo discovered a cure for hiv whereas in reality he found a cure for ear hair.

9
0
returnmyjedi
Bronze badge

Re: And I thought

Neither Planes or Planes 2 were Pixar films, instead produced and animated by Disney. Cars 2 was a soggy slice of toss on toast though.

1
0

Microsoft's nightmare DEEPENS: Windows 8 market share falling fast

returnmyjedi
Bronze badge

Re: Do they really care?

You flamboyant dandy. I use coal dust and a thistle to scrub myself clean.

37
0

Apple pitches record labels on cheaper music service

returnmyjedi
Bronze badge

I'm sure Apple will also ensure that the artists' cut of the reduced fees will not be similarly lowered. I know the fruity lot are a bit short of cash at the moment but to do otherwise would be unfortunate to say the least.

1
0

Take THAT, hated food! It's OVER, tedious chewing! Soylent strikes back with version 1.1

returnmyjedi
Bronze badge

Completely misread the title

I didn't spot the comma and thought it was an article about the 75% tax dodging forget boy band hatred of masticating.

3
0

Microsoft on the Threshold of a new name for Windows next week

returnmyjedi
Bronze badge

'Windows Vanden Plas'

'Windows St Edmunds'

'Windows Scaramouche, Scaramouche'

'Windows Catflap'

Or most likely

'Windows of Your Mind'

2
0

Let it go, Steve: Ballmer bans iPads from his LA Clippers b-ball team

returnmyjedi
Bronze badge

Re: What happens when...

Considering how much dough Redmond makes from Android royalties (way more than from Windows Phone and Surface) he probably wouldn't be as dischuffed you might think.

2
0

Apple 'Genius': iPhone 6? We've had NO COMPLAINTS about our BENDY iThing

returnmyjedi
Bronze badge

Re: I'll bet this is a non-issue like "antenna gate" and all the rest

Now now, lets not allow facts to get in the way of any pro or anti Apple comments. Just because his Jobsness dished out lorry loads of bumpers to fix the non existent issue with the attended doesn't mean Apple were in any way to blame, nor does the findings of ifixit and the like who noted a changed antenna design.

It's all sad campaign against a poor defenseless multi billion dollar mega-corp.

0
0
returnmyjedi
Bronze badge

Genius?

If there ever was a sobriquet less deserving of its title than the Apple genius then I'd love to hear about it. The fact that the tech press refer to them as such as well shows how effective Apple's PR machine is. Even simple features readily available on other platforms get the same revered treatment (iSight, AirPlay, TrueTone, Retina blah blah blah).

1
0

MOST iPhone strokers SPURN iOS 8: iOS 7 'un-updatening' in 5...4...

returnmyjedi
Bronze badge

Re: Why I didn't update

But that means using iTunes, which is something I try to avoid at all costs.

4
0

Apple iPhone 6 Plus: GORGEOUS FAT pixel density - but it's WASTED

returnmyjedi
Bronze badge

Stevo didn't seem to have a problem with releasing the iPhone 4 with its rubbish antenna design.

8
0
returnmyjedi
Bronze badge

I was using the native video app with a video libraries from the iTunes store. I hope it is a dodgy battery because a ten minute phone call depletes it by at least a per cent a minute. May have to endure some time with a "genius" (never had a moniker been so inaccurate) to see what's what.

7
0
returnmyjedi
Bronze badge

Ten hours video playback on a 5S? Are Apple having a bubble? Mine lasted barely half that on a train journey to Glasgow a couple of months back, even with flight mode enabled.

5
0

Ab phab: Apple is Britain's coolest brand YET AGAIN

returnmyjedi
Bronze badge

The coolest person I know is my fifty odd year old next-door neighbour, who works on a fruit and veg stall, drives a rusting Alfasud, goes to the Cropredy festival every year and has a Nokia N8.

1
0

Apple iPhone 6: Looking good, slim. AW... your battery died

returnmyjedi
Bronze badge

I'm not convinced by the new iPhone designs personally. Whilst the screen and metalwork feel solid enough, those plastic strips feel very cheep and not in keeping with a £500+ device. Also the new keyboards whether they be stock IOS, Swype or Swiftkey have made the draconian autocorrect even more punishing. Even manually typing the words rather than drawing them was a frustrating experience (Mary became Mark for some reason) and there doesn't seem to be any sense to the predictions of next words, unlike the excellent keyboard on the much maligned Windows Phone OS.

Plus I'm still mighty dischuffed that they're are yet more apps that can't be uninstalled. Stocks is annoying enough, but now I've got Tips and iBooks to clutter my paltry internal storage up as well.

0
0

Pop open this iPhone 6 and see where the magic oozes from ... oh hello again, Qualcomm

returnmyjedi
Bronze badge

Re:

IOS 8 now has a plethora of uninstallable apps, few of which I actually use:

Stocks.

Weather

Notes

Reminders

Newstand

Games centre

Compass

Health

Passbook

Voice memos

iBooks

Tips

So if anything the new crown for bloatware king is designed in california.

3
1

Page: