* Posts by returnmyjedi

488 posts • joined 26 Mar 2013

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Microsoft HoloLens or Hollow Lens? El Reg stares down cyber-specs' code

returnmyjedi
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The reluctance of the Microsoft humanoids to discuss the innards at this point is hardly surprising in alpha kit, as there will be negotiations going on with whomever provides the chips n bits.

My main worry is that I recall watching a documentary about a spaceship whose crew all went a bit mad thanks to a game played on similar headsets (can't remember the name but the captain was a Frenchman with a Yorkshire accent).

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Apple snaps in crap wriststrap's tat mishap flap: Watch IS affected by TATTOOS

returnmyjedi
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There's a cream for that.

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New Windows 10 will STAGGER to its feet, says Microsoft OS veep

returnmyjedi
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Re: I'm too old for this

Unfinished software in not-fully-functioning shocker. Film at eleven.

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iOS and Android apps on Windows 10: How is this supposed to work?

returnmyjedi
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Re: "Android apps on Windows 10 are mobile-only..."

Back in the day that they used the Metro moniker, the odd Windows Phone app was far better than its ios and Android cousins (ebay, Natwest, Right Move spring to mind) thanks to the lack of the dreaded burger menus. In their wisdom, MS decided this differing design language (however superior for the most part) was what was stalling the worldwide domination of WP so have largely abandoned it. Shame really.

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Brits send Star Wars X-wing fighter to the stratosphere

returnmyjedi
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Re: Here's an interesting poser that I have posed elsewhere.

The Eurofighter shouldn't fly but does thanks to computrickery so it's not outside the realm of possibility. The B-Wing would be the real challenge.

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This is Spartan? No, it's Microsoft Edge, Son of Internet Explorer

returnmyjedi
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Re: Microsoft Marketing

It's probably due to Spartan also meaning a bit basic (from a design perspective, natch). I can't disagree with the punchability of Belfiore's head-ball, though.

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Apple to devs: Watch out, don't make the Watch into a, well, a watch

returnmyjedi
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Re: Truth is funnier than fiction.

That Swiss watch design has very rounded corners.

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Fukushima nuke plant owner told to upgrade from Windows XP

returnmyjedi
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The Tokyo Electric Power Company (TEPCO), operator of the Stricken Fukushima Daiichi nuclear energy complex.

As stricken appears to be a proper noun, does that mean that's its official moniker now?

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Dead Steve Jobs' wage-fixing pact in Silicon Valley was news to us, claim Apple directors

returnmyjedi
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Re: De mortuis nil nisi bonum

Valar morghulis.

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Nokia to take $6bn bath on Navteq following AlcaLuc purchase

returnmyjedi
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I'm a big fan of HERE maps, largely for the offline capability and it's excellent(compared to other free ones at least) navigation. Microsoft seem the most likely buyer but as there hasn't been a leak from their colander like press office this seems unlikely. Maybe Apple then? The fruity maps are much improved from the laughable state they were in at launch, but they still get a bit disorientated at an alarming rate.

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Help! We need to pick a platform for our desert adventure

returnmyjedi
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Workbench 3.1

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Microsoft's top legal eagle: US cannot ignore foreign privacy laws

returnmyjedi
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Re: What an insult

Microsucks!! That is bloody genius. You sir have the wit of Wilde (the Kids in America one that is, natch).

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Google: Give us cash or we'll poke YouTube ads into your eyeballs

returnmyjedi
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Mmm...brasts.

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Microsoft goes cloud KERR-AZY, chops Windows Server to bits

returnmyjedi
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Re: Hold the phone - stop the presses!

And the Sidewinder flight stick; that was great.

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Fsck those new emojis! Install iOS 8.3, OS X 10.10.3 NOW to squash all these security bugs

returnmyjedi
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Terrible journalism. Apple products and software NEVER have bugs; they're either features or user errors. Move along, nothing to see here.

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Sony tells hacked gamer to pay for crooks' abuse of PlayStation account

returnmyjedi
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I could have the most complicated 29 character password and it would be as secure as 'password1' if it was stored as plain text on the company's server, as Sony did in the past.

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returnmyjedi
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For the hackers.

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It's the FALKLANDS SYNDROME! Fukushima MELTDOWN to cause '10,000 Chernobyls' in South Atlantic

returnmyjedi
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Re: Bloody stupid ...

"Who would call a dachshund "Colin". Really."

Blackadder?

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returnmyjedi
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Re: Excellent work!

Microsoft released a fear inducing trip down memory lane in the form of an MS-DOS "emulator" for Windows Phone. Had at least one minute of fun cd dot dotting before I realised that they hadn't thrown in any dos games. You can launch some apps from it which is pointless but somehow satisfying in a caveman sort of way.

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Anti-gay Indiana starts backtracking on hated law after tech pressure

returnmyjedi
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Whatever happened to love thy neighbour? Or indeed following Leviticus to the letter? I'd wager three Easter eggs that most of the concerned Christians that root their beliefs in the bible regularly chow down on shrimps and other crustaceans, don't beat their children to death every time they refuse to put their iPad down, and probably shave as well! Heathens!

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Just WALK IN and buy an Apple Watch. Are you mad?

returnmyjedi
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I'm slightly bilious after going to the Apple website and noticing that you rather than clicking to watch their keynotes, you click to "experience" them. How very bell-endulous of them.

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Microsoft's Windows 10 build list snowballs for Lumia mobes

returnmyjedi
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Re: Since when did the old Nokia Lumias suddenly get named just Lumia.

One of the conditions of Microsoft's acquisition of Nokia's devices division was that every time they referred to a Lumia as a Nokia Lumia, Nadella has to give Elop a bag of Doritos and a peck on the cheek. Hence the slightly revisionist nomenclature in the aforementioned list.

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Chrome trumps all comers in reported vulnerabilities

returnmyjedi
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Re: half truth statistics coming from Secunia.

You'll have the chaps from Operation Yewtree at your door with that sort of suggestion.

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returnmyjedi
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Re: half truth statistics coming from Secunia.

I had no idea Google rewarded those who report vulnerabilities with a Bounty. I prefer a Twix myself, but hey, chocolate is chocolate.

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Dear departed Internet Explorer, how I will miss you ... NOT

returnmyjedi
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I thought Spartan was a continuation of Redmond's latest bit of frivolity in naming development projects after elements of the Halo universe, following on from Threshold (Win 10) and Cortana (who was lucky to keep her name, rather than Microsoft's usual desire to rename with something far more clunky).

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Apple's portable power podule patent promises paroxysms of fanboi joy

returnmyjedi
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You're exploding it wrong.

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A gold MacBook with just ONE USB port? Apple, you're DRUNK

returnmyjedi
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When viewed in their natural habitat, most Appleoids have two things plugged into their shiny MacBooks: A power cable and their iPhone (presumably to power the latter also). Had they any sense of decency, Ive et al would have plonked a USB pass through on the power connector, or at least on the power supply brick (even Sony used to do that on their later Vaio laptops).

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Thought Apple was kidding about diversity? Here's 50 MEEELLION reasons you're wrong

returnmyjedi
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Can't argue with this, well done Cook & Co. Encouraging a more diverse range of humanoids to work for the company is a far more sensible and (whisper it) fair approach than having diversity quotas, positive discrimination, ir driving around in a pink bus to patronise the very people you're trying to empower.

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Apple Watch: Wait a minute! This puny wrist-puter costs 17 GRAND?!

returnmyjedi
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Re: Medical research?

The array of sensors on the likes of the Microsoft Band would prove far more valuable to medical researchers, however said boffins tend to be a bit magpie like and love shiny things. I can also see the offer of a Fruity Watch to wear during the trial and keep after being used to entice participants into studies.

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returnmyjedi
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Re: cheapo's cable TV?

That's pretty much what I do with Now TV in the UK whenever a new series of GoT starts.

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Apple Watch: HOT WRIST ACTION plus slim $1299 MacBooks - and HBO TV

returnmyjedi
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HBO really are desperate to limit their viewership, aren't they? If they're not jumping into bed with Uncle Rupert and making their content only available on Sky in the UK, now you can only watch HBO on demand via Apple's mediocre box of pretty naff tricks. Sue poib.

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FREAKing hell: ALL Windows versions vulnerable to SSL snoop

returnmyjedi
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Safari and Chrome are affected on OSX so I guess things must be a bit rotten in Fruityworld also.

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Frontier promises it won't 'dumb down' Elite: Dangerous for Xbox

returnmyjedi
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Why there wasn't a 12 Years A Slave movie tie in for Elite is beyond me. I really should be in marketing.

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Apple Pay a haven for 'rampant' credit card fraud, say experts

returnmyjedi
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People are worried because even though you get the money back eventually it can be a right royal pain in the Harris to identify the frauds, get a new card, claim the money back etc. My housemate a few years ago ended up having his credit rating adversely affected by a credit card fraud that cleared out his bank account and resulted in several missed payments. Even though the back refunded him the money after a week or so, it took him a few months to get his credit rating back to normal which was jolly inconvenient at the time as it meant his mortgage application was rejected, he lost the house he wanted and - worse of all - he had to live we me an extra month.

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returnmyjedi
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Re: Yawn...

Yoda?

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'Fry-OS 8' iPhone BLEW UP MY PANTS wails roasted Johnson

returnmyjedi
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Re: It's incredibly rare

"There were a fair number of expanded batteries in both phones and MacBooks, but this was usually down to the battery reaching the end of its useful life."

Doesn't this suggest that handsets shouldn't be designed with sealed in batteries? Or at least integrate some kind of give in the seals or casing of the phone to accommodate this "usual" swelling behaviour.

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Telly behemoths: Does size matter?

returnmyjedi
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We went from a 1970s Grundig to a circa 1992 JVC that not only had Nicam stereo but Fastext also. Twas the age of enlightenment.

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Microsoft man: Internet Explorer had to go because it's garbage

returnmyjedi
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Re: Not A Competing Product, Really

It wouldn't surprise me if this actually happens, considering how eagerly Nadella et al have popped on their armbands and plunged into the suspiciously warm waters of iOS and Android of late.

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NERDGASM as Apple announces 'special event'

returnmyjedi
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I'll wager five chocolate doubloons that they'll be no mention of Watches, maxi iPads or new iMacs, but instead his most convoluted Cookness will in fact relaunch the Pippin.

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'Utterly unusable' MS Word dumped by SciFi author Charles Stross

returnmyjedi
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Re: A plague

Amazon converts any uploaded documents (whether they are .doc, .mobi or .whatever) to html format for publishing on Kindle so Word or the .doc format is not necessary for using the KDP platform.

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How many Watches will Apple flog? 20, er, 18.5, no, five, wait, 50 million!

returnmyjedi
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I didn't think an /s or joke icon would be necessary, how wrong of me.

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returnmyjedi
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Are you suggesting that all I say is not true? They'll be a horde of zealots descending upon your manor forthwith!

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returnmyjedi
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The thing with Apple is they always nail the first gen of product down perfectly. The original iphone worked brilliantly with every feature its competitors had (aside from 3G, a decent battery and a flash but who needs such things!). The iPad 1 was so magical it lasted a whole TWO years before it couldn't cope with new software that is much better than anyone could have ever wanted. And the original iPod's controls were so revolutionary they had yo be replaced with a new model less than a year later.

Anyone who isn't compelled to rush out and buy this superb little trinket I clearly bonkers in the but.

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HOLY SEA SNAILS! Their TEETH are strong enough to build a plane

returnmyjedi
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Re: Not the strongest by far!

The removal of said desiccated cereal is for me the most obvious and useful application for the mollusc's molars.

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Qualcomm bungs ARM's beefy 64-bit A72s into new mobe brains

returnmyjedi
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Eh?

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SCREW YOU, BRITS: We're going through with UK independence ANYWAY – Scotland

returnmyjedi
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Re: Oil

To be fair to the SNP it wasn't as if they were being led by a former oil economist when they came up with that figure, was it? Oh...

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returnmyjedi
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And people say governments waste money on silly vanity projects. Thank goodness Sturgeon et al show budgetary responsibility.

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£100 MILLION poured down drain on failed UK.gov IT projects - in just ONE YEAR

returnmyjedi
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Spiffing. They could build a decent sized and specced district general hospital (and then blow it up again) for that sort of cash.

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