* Posts by returnmyjedi

455 posts • joined 26 Mar 2013

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Frontier promises it won't 'dumb down' Elite: Dangerous for Xbox

returnmyjedi
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Why there wasn't a 12 Years A Slave movie tie in for Elite is beyond me. I really should be in marketing.

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Apple Pay a haven for 'rampant' credit card fraud, say experts

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People are worried because even though you get the money back eventually it can be a right royal pain in the Harris to identify the frauds, get a new card, claim the money back etc. My housemate a few years ago ended up having his credit rating adversely affected by a credit card fraud that cleared out his bank account and resulted in several missed payments. Even though the back refunded him the money after a week or so, it took him a few months to get his credit rating back to normal which was jolly inconvenient at the time as it meant his mortgage application was rejected, he lost the house he wanted and - worse of all - he had to live we me an extra month.

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returnmyjedi
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Re: Yawn...

Yoda?

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'Fry-OS 8' iPhone BLEW UP MY PANTS wails roasted Johnson

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Re: It's incredibly rare

"There were a fair number of expanded batteries in both phones and MacBooks, but this was usually down to the battery reaching the end of its useful life."

Doesn't this suggest that handsets shouldn't be designed with sealed in batteries? Or at least integrate some kind of give in the seals or casing of the phone to accommodate this "usual" swelling behaviour.

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Telly behemoths: Does size matter?

returnmyjedi
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We went from a 1970s Grundig to a circa 1992 JVC that not only had Nicam stereo but Fastext also. Twas the age of enlightenment.

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Microsoft man: Internet Explorer had to go because it's garbage

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Re: Not A Competing Product, Really

It wouldn't surprise me if this actually happens, considering how eagerly Nadella et al have popped on their armbands and plunged into the suspiciously warm waters of iOS and Android of late.

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NERDGASM as Apple announces 'special event'

returnmyjedi
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I'll wager five chocolate doubloons that they'll be no mention of Watches, maxi iPads or new iMacs, but instead his most convoluted Cookness will in fact relaunch the Pippin.

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'Utterly unusable' MS Word dumped by SciFi author Charles Stross

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Re: A plague

Amazon converts any uploaded documents (whether they are .doc, .mobi or .whatever) to html format for publishing on Kindle so Word or the .doc format is not necessary for using the KDP platform.

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How many Watches will Apple flog? 20, er, 18.5, no, five, wait, 50 million!

returnmyjedi
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I didn't think an /s or joke icon would be necessary, how wrong of me.

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returnmyjedi
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Are you suggesting that all I say is not true? They'll be a horde of zealots descending upon your manor forthwith!

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returnmyjedi
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The thing with Apple is they always nail the first gen of product down perfectly. The original iphone worked brilliantly with every feature its competitors had (aside from 3G, a decent battery and a flash but who needs such things!). The iPad 1 was so magical it lasted a whole TWO years before it couldn't cope with new software that is much better than anyone could have ever wanted. And the original iPod's controls were so revolutionary they had yo be replaced with a new model less than a year later.

Anyone who isn't compelled to rush out and buy this superb little trinket I clearly bonkers in the but.

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HOLY SEA SNAILS! Their TEETH are strong enough to build a plane

returnmyjedi
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Re: Not the strongest by far!

The removal of said desiccated cereal is for me the most obvious and useful application for the mollusc's molars.

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Qualcomm bungs ARM's beefy 64-bit A72s into new mobe brains

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Eh?

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SCREW YOU, BRITS: We're going through with UK independence ANYWAY – Scotland

returnmyjedi
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Re: Oil

To be fair to the SNP it wasn't as if they were being led by a former oil economist when they came up with that figure, was it? Oh...

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returnmyjedi
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And people say governments waste money on silly vanity projects. Thank goodness Sturgeon et al show budgetary responsibility.

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£100 MILLION poured down drain on failed UK.gov IT projects - in just ONE YEAR

returnmyjedi
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Spiffing. They could build a decent sized and specced district general hospital (and then blow it up again) for that sort of cash.

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Hey Apple - what's the $178bn for? Are you down with OTT?

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Re: BBC Death

The licence fee also pays for national and local BBC Radio stations, the loss of which would be far more catastrophic than the loss of BBC telly.

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Apple drives itself round bend: PITIES THE FOOL who inks deal with carmakers – source

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Re: Wait, what?

I take every El Reg article and headline with a glass of milk.

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returnmyjedi
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Whilst I have little doubt in the skills and talents of Apple's engineers who are amongst the most talented on this ere bkue marble (antennagate and the eMac being amongst their few missteps) I don't foresee a vehicle crafted by their designers to be somewhere I'd want to spend any time. OSX and iOS resemble a heated battle between a Tipp Ex and Crayola factory, and the Apple Stores and so sterile it's as if all of the furniture and employees are autoclaved on a daily basis.

Furthermore the arrogance of Apple (if the sources are putting to be true) in thinking they can better vehicle manufacturers has an air of Shakespearean tragedy about it. They may have struck lucky with the iPhone, but folks' relationship with the car is far more emotional than it is with a mobile phone and I'm not sure that tech companies such as Apple and Google grasp that.

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Jaguar F-Type: A beautiful British thoroughbred

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Re: Do they do a version for people who can drive, or is it exclusively for the xbox generation?

It's a far more involving drive than a mark one E-Type. Not as pretty for sure, bit the older car had very wobbly steering and a soggy suspension.

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returnmyjedi
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Aston Martin is owned by a hodgepodge of British, Kuwati, American and multinational venture capitalists so the argument is even less valid.

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Think you’re hard? Check out the frozen Panasonic CF-54 Toughbook

returnmyjedi
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Are witches' nips cold? I always assumed they'd be warm and/or prickly.

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Hey, NUDE CELEBS! Apple adds SWEET 2FA to iMessage, Facetime

returnmyjedi
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I'm disappointed in Apple's marketing department for not giving it a cuddly name like they normally do for features standard on other platforms (this is the point where were I not bereft of wit and creativity I'd have put my own hilarious suggestion).

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Hear that sound? It's the Windows XP PC bubble popping

returnmyjedi
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At first I put the incoherence of your post down to autocorrect, but I've never seen mustard spelt with an 'e' (even amongst colonial commoners). So to echo the reply above me: What?

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Cortana to form CIRCLE OF LIFE in Windows 10

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Re: Yes But...

If you ask Cortana to sing you a song she bangs out "Daisy, Daisy" (amongst others).

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Helium HDD prices rise way above air-filled spinning rust

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Considering there's only two out three more decades' worth of helium floating about in the wild, I've always found the use of it in drives to be a bit indulgent and irresponsible. There are far more important uses for this finite resource such as cooling magnets in MRI scanners, and for bribing my daughter when used to fill up Peppa Pig balloons.

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RM has been schooled: Sales fell by over £69m in fiscal 2014

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They've been in decline since they stopped publishing Martello Tower.

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Google Now now SLURPS data from third party apps so YOU don't have to

returnmyjedi
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Re: Apple and Google aren't the same AT ALL

@DougS

If you believe that Apple don't peddle your inside leg size and such like, you clearly haven't read the Ts&Cs for any of their products, whether it be OSX, iOS our iTunes. All of these have declarations hidden amongst them declaring Cook et al will share your details with a preferred partner or two.

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Living with a Renault Twizy: Pah! Bring out the HOVERCRAFT

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Re: Neat, but...

Like a Fiat 500 TwinAir then? A bit more porky for sure, but as least its crumple zone isn't your tib and fib.

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Apple CEO: Fandroids are BINNING Android in favour of IPHONES

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Re: Blinded by Retina

"But in basic web browsing on responsive websites the iPhone significantly under-competes with landfill Androids."

I find that's more of an issue with Safari; Chrome on iOS tends to load pages properly.

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Wheeee! BT preps for FIVE HUNDRED MEGABIT broadband trial

returnmyjedi
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Sounds lovely, but I live in an area whereby BT's Infinity service has been listed as being "under review" for approximately yonks now. It could be due to the availability of Virgin Media, but the lack of choice for broadband greater than the 2 megs otherwise available is rather frustrating (and as I'm with VM, expensive).

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Windows tablet price war FINALLY has 'em prying open wallets

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My completely scientific method of gauging how popular a device is based on what I see folks using on my train journey to work. Whilst I haven't seen many cheapo Windows tablets, there are an increasing number of Surfaces popping up. Can't tell if they're the newer Pro 3 model or not, but definitely seem more popular.

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Horrifying iPhone sales bring Apple $18bn profit A QUARTER

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I think you'll find that in the last year alone Apple created not only the concept of the wearable in the form of the nebulous Apple Watch, but have also blown the smartphone world apart with their astonishing concept of a 5 inch plus screen on a phone with the 6 Plus.

How do you like them? Apples?

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Windows 10: The Microsoft rule-o-three holds, THIS time it's looking DECENT

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Re: Read the whole thing...

If it means that office dwellers jabber insanely to a digital assistant rather than me, I'm one socially stunted weirdo that welcomes the inclusion of Cortana.

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Facebook is MORE IMPORTANT to humanity than PORTUGAL

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"Google is the internet, surely?"

Geocites and AltaVista used to think the same. Yahoo! probably still do.

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Want a cheap Office-er-riffic tablet? Microsoft Windows takes on Android

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Quite a sniffy review for something so cheap and much more flexible than comparable Android slabs. One of the few things that I like more on touchy Windows over IOS and Android are its on-screen keyboard and the Metro (or whatever it's called now) version of IE which is surprisingly nice to use. Plus this ninety quid machine will work the entire Good Old Games library (mostly very smoothly, if similarly specced machines are anything to go by) so Tie Fighter et al on the train are a cheap option.

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Microsoft rolls out even cheaper 'Notkia' Lumias

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They're in my view the best budget smartphones on the market, but that Microsoft logo looks gash on the front. Maybe it's just me but Heath Lumia as the brand logo would have been far more appealing to the masses.

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Boybanders ONE DIRECTION launch DoS attack on open-source bods

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Re: I read as far as "Boybanders"

Monkees.

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Tax Systems: The good, the bad and the completely toot toot ding-dong loopy

returnmyjedi
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Reforming VAT would be a good start. Lower the starting rate for basic luxuries like a PAYG handset, then ramp it up to 50% for a Vertu our gold iPhone. Lower it for a Ford Fiesta, ramp it up to 50% for a Range Rover (95% if it has shiny 20" alloys).

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Saudi Arabia to flog man 1,000 times for insulting religion on Facebook

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Re: Je suis Charlie...

The turn of the 17th century was for hundred years ago. Not long if you use the life of the universe as your measurement, but still quite a lot of yonks ago.

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4K off, Google Fiber: Comcast, Broadcom tout 2Gbps cable

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Re: Gigabit broadband require

Tsk. In my day the family would huddle around one telly and argue about whether to watch Top of the Pops or Corrie, none of this 4k streaming lark or video conferencing / Snap chat naughty picture sharing.

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BILL GATES DRINKS 'boiled and treated' POO. Ah, 'delicious'

returnmyjedi
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Re: Well..

"And some of it must have been Hotler too"

It'd be interesting to know whether a child born in 1990 would drink water that had been in contact with Hitler's or Mike Godwin's poo first.

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Elite: Dangerous 'billionaire' gamers are being 'antisocial', moan players

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I've not played the game myself, but it's popular amongst my group of friends and they're playing it without issue and find all of the negative press orbiting the game puzzling (my inability to get onto PSN over Xmas caused them much amusement).

My lack of involvement is due to the lack of offline mode, but that notwithstanding it seems to this observer to be one of the most cleverly crafted MMOGs since the days of Ultima.

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Kodak fires a Bullitt at oldsters with 3G mobe launch

returnmyjedi
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Calling trousers pants in Manchester/Lancs isn't a new thing, and certainly has nowt to do with Americanisms.

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Elite:Dangerous goes TITSUP

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If only there was an offline mode.

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Microsoft has made excellent software, you pack of fibbers

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Re: Against my best wishes

Most of their peripherals from the turn of the century were quite marvelous. I still waggle a Sidewinder flight stick to get my X-Wing rocks off.

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returnmyjedi
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Minesweeper

Nuff said.

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Hey look! Microsoft's workforce isn't all white men

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Re: Out of interest

Only two, there is.

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returnmyjedi
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Putting aside the lack of gender equality, the data on racial diversity surely depends on the country where staff are employed. As the US has roughly 80% of its populace identifying itself as white, then their boardroom is relatively diverse (albeit with more penises, natch).

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