* Posts by returnmyjedi

423 posts • joined 26 Mar 2013

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Windows tablet price war FINALLY has 'em prying open wallets

returnmyjedi
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My completely scientific method of gauging how popular a device is based on what I see folks using on my train journey to work. Whilst I haven't seen many cheapo Windows tablets, there are an increasing number of Surfaces popping up. Can't tell if they're the newer Pro 3 model or not, but definitely seem more popular.

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Horrifying iPhone sales bring Apple $18bn profit A QUARTER

returnmyjedi
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I think you'll find that in the last year alone Apple created not only the concept of the wearable in the form of the nebulous Apple Watch, but have also blown the smartphone world apart with their astonishing concept of a 5 inch plus screen on a phone with the 6 Plus.

How do you like them? Apples?

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Windows 10: The Microsoft rule-o-three holds, THIS time it's looking DECENT

returnmyjedi
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Re: Read the whole thing...

If it means that office dwellers jabber insanely to a digital assistant rather than me, I'm one socially stunted weirdo that welcomes the inclusion of Cortana.

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Facebook is MORE IMPORTANT to humanity than PORTUGAL

returnmyjedi
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"Google is the internet, surely?"

Geocites and AltaVista used to think the same. Yahoo! probably still do.

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Want a cheap Office-er-riffic tablet? Microsoft Windows takes on Android

returnmyjedi
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Quite a sniffy review for something so cheap and much more flexible than comparable Android slabs. One of the few things that I like more on touchy Windows over IOS and Android are its on-screen keyboard and the Metro (or whatever it's called now) version of IE which is surprisingly nice to use. Plus this ninety quid machine will work the entire Good Old Games library (mostly very smoothly, if similarly specced machines are anything to go by) so Tie Fighter et al on the train are a cheap option.

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Microsoft rolls out even cheaper 'Notkia' Lumias

returnmyjedi
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They're in my view the best budget smartphones on the market, but that Microsoft logo looks gash on the front. Maybe it's just me but Heath Lumia as the brand logo would have been far more appealing to the masses.

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Boybanders ONE DIRECTION launch DoS attack on open-source bods

returnmyjedi
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Re: I read as far as "Boybanders"

Monkees.

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Tax Systems: The good, the bad and the completely toot toot ding-dong loopy

returnmyjedi
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Reforming VAT would be a good start. Lower the starting rate for basic luxuries like a PAYG handset, then ramp it up to 50% for a Vertu our gold iPhone. Lower it for a Ford Fiesta, ramp it up to 50% for a Range Rover (95% if it has shiny 20" alloys).

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Saudi Arabia to flog man 1,000 times for insulting religion on Facebook

returnmyjedi
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Re: Je suis Charlie...

The turn of the 17th century was for hundred years ago. Not long if you use the life of the universe as your measurement, but still quite a lot of yonks ago.

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4K off, Google Fiber: Comcast, Broadcom tout 2Gbps cable

returnmyjedi
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Re: Gigabit broadband require

Tsk. In my day the family would huddle around one telly and argue about whether to watch Top of the Pops or Corrie, none of this 4k streaming lark or video conferencing / Snap chat naughty picture sharing.

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BILL GATES DRINKS 'boiled and treated' POO. Ah, 'delicious'

returnmyjedi
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Re: Well..

"And some of it must have been Hotler too"

It'd be interesting to know whether a child born in 1990 would drink water that had been in contact with Hitler's or Mike Godwin's poo first.

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Elite: Dangerous 'billionaire' gamers are being 'antisocial', moan players

returnmyjedi
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I've not played the game myself, but it's popular amongst my group of friends and they're playing it without issue and find all of the negative press orbiting the game puzzling (my inability to get onto PSN over Xmas caused them much amusement).

My lack of involvement is due to the lack of offline mode, but that notwithstanding it seems to this observer to be one of the most cleverly crafted MMOGs since the days of Ultima.

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Kodak fires a Bullitt at oldsters with 3G mobe launch

returnmyjedi
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Calling trousers pants in Manchester/Lancs isn't a new thing, and certainly has nowt to do with Americanisms.

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Elite:Dangerous goes TITSUP

returnmyjedi
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If only there was an offline mode.

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Microsoft has made excellent software, you pack of fibbers

returnmyjedi
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Re: Against my best wishes

Most of their peripherals from the turn of the century were quite marvelous. I still waggle a Sidewinder flight stick to get my X-Wing rocks off.

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returnmyjedi
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Minesweeper

Nuff said.

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Hey look! Microsoft's workforce isn't all white men

returnmyjedi
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Re: Out of interest

Only two, there is.

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returnmyjedi
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Putting aside the lack of gender equality, the data on racial diversity surely depends on the country where staff are employed. As the US has roughly 80% of its populace identifying itself as white, then their boardroom is relatively diverse (albeit with more penises, natch).

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Cambridge boffins and Boeing fly first hybrid airplane over British skies

returnmyjedi
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Boeing, batteries; what could possibly go wrong?

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Sound and battery: 20 portable Bluetooth speakers

returnmyjedi
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I got a couple of Nokia ones (Play 360) free with a Lumia 800 a few years ago. Each one is mono but if they sense another is nearby they switch to stereo. They work using replaceable rechargeable batteries from Nokia feature phones so the six hours of battery life is easily extended.

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Apple's DIRTY SECRET isn't that secret, or that dirty

returnmyjedi
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Re: If Apple really really cared about workers conditions...

Different manufacturers impose less stringent targets on the assembly line also. One of the key areas that Apple have been criticised on in the past has been the productivity rates they demand of their workers which is what was linked to the raft of Foxconn suicides a few years ago.

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Apple v BBC: Fruity firm hits back over Panorama drama

returnmyjedi
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Can't speak for the others but Nokia always had an excellent rep in the ethical and human rights communities. Whether this has endured under Microsoft's stewardship remains to be seen.

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BT to gobble EE for £12.5bn – BTEE phone home

returnmyjedi
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Good/phew. Whilst they're far from perfect, as an o2 customer I was worried that BT would drag their above average customer service down to their appalling level. At least with EE it couldn't get any worse.

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Cloud Printing from a Chromebook: We try it out on 8 inkjet all-in-ones

returnmyjedi
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Re: Wi-fi and printers....

If I had my way they'd be a wired monotone laser printer sat at home, bit alas the missus likes to print off pictures of the sprog and for some reason can't just use Snappy Snaps like any sane person would.

(if she's reading this, it's not me: my account's been hacked)

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returnmyjedi
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I've got the Canon MX925 at home and it truly is an obnoxious lump of plastic. Thanks to done weird design quirk every couple of months I have to take an alcohol doused cotton bud to it's innards and give it a good scrub to get it to connect wirelessly to anything. The fact that I've owned it for a couple of years and the internet tells me it's still an issue means my twenty years of loyal Canon ownership (since I bought the BJ10e because I was a teenager and the name was HILARIOUS) will soon end.

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Govt spaffs £170k to develop the INTERNET OF SHEEP

returnmyjedi
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Gordon Blair? Is this the Labour party's hideous attempt at eugenics to try and recapture the "glory" years of Messrs Brown and Blair, and to eliminate the bacon guzzling youngest spawn of Miliband with a pack of cybernetically enhanced baa lambs? I fear it may well be.

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The Great Unwatched: BBC hails glorious digital future for Three

returnmyjedi
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Mongrels was on Three, but Animal was originally broadcast on BBC Two.

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returnmyjedi
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Zombie drama with brains (brainssss!) In The Flesh was of a surprisingly high standard, and Our War was rather good also. But yes, BBC Three's output is mostly complete toss on toast.

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returnmyjedi
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Re: Only Connect

Only Connect originated on BBC Four, I think you'll find.

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IBM Research wants laptop batteries to retire and slum it

returnmyjedi
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Re: smoke

Old Sony built laptop ones weren't averse to a spot of conflagration.

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VW's Scirocco diesel: A sheep in Wolfsburg’s clothing

returnmyjedi
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By VAG I was referring to any car made by the Volkswagen Audi Group, ie Seat, Skoda and the eponymous marques. Wouldn't say no to a Lambo oR Bugatti.

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returnmyjedi
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Of all the cars I've "owned" (quite a few company cars over the years) I have never had as many issues as I had with the Sirocco. And I've owned a fair few Italian ones. If it wasn't the DSG pissing oil all over my drive it was electric window cradle seizing up. If it wasn't the power steering failing it was the xenons blowing when only a couple of months old. And as for the TDi engine: Reminded me of the Granada diesel my old man had in the 80s.

Thankfully all work was covered by warranty and my local VW garage were excellent but the mechanics were very open about the innumerable issues affecting any VAG car based upon the Golf Mark V platform. And sure enough within a couple of months of me swapping the Sciricco Put me off quality German engineering for life.

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Misty-eyed Ray Ozzie celebrates 25th birthday of Lotus Notes by tweeting about it ...

returnmyjedi
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That's not entirely true. I distinctly remember taking my niece to see Happy Feet at the cinema and there were two adverts for IBM services before the main feature. I'm sure the gaggle of assembled toddlers and exhausted parents employed Big Blue's services immediately after they'd watched the tap dancing penguins do their thang.

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Apple deliberately wiped rivals' music from iPods – iTunes court claim

returnmyjedi
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But Apple make such magical and shiny things! They can't be evil, they can't!

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Microsoft: So sorry for NOT paying Xbox indie game devs on time

returnmyjedi
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I'm sure Microsoft will compensate the indie developers for the hassle, with a free indie game probably.

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Wireless Power standards are like Highlanders: There can be only ONE

returnmyjedi
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Qi burger

They've got qi chargers in my local (ish) McDonald's, so if it's good enough for that creepy clown it's good enough for me.

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Apple’s $700 BEEELLION market cap makes it more valuable than Switzerland

returnmyjedi
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Re: Switzerland is NOT the home of the cuckoo watch

Not fussed about an Apple Watch, bit would definitely be interested in a cuckoo watch. Would said avian alerter pop out of the side of the front?

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I'll be back (and forward): Hollywood's time travel tribulations

returnmyjedi
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Re: Star Trek

"Upset most of the fans however. And he has as little respect for Starwars as he did for Star Trek."

Just like Lucas, then.

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NEWSFLASH: You may ALREADY have seen Steve Jobs' willy

returnmyjedi
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'Fraid so, in Danny Boyle's production of Frankenstein at the NT. Said member was long and thin, just like its owner. Not that I make a habit of seeing the dangly of thesps, but I also was witness to Gandalf's staff when Sir Ian was playing King Lear in Stratford. He jumped up and down so much he resembled a Spitfire made of saggy old skin.

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Be real, Apple: In-app goodie grab games AREN'T FREE – EU

returnmyjedi
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Re: See ...

There is a touch of the Tea Party about them, that's for sure.

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returnmyjedi
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Gets

"Get"? As in "can I get a coffee?"

How appropriate that Apple choose to use a word so linked with an abomination of the English language that is so frequently ejaculated in Starbucks, the den of the discerning fanboi.

Bunch of gets the lot of them.

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CERN IT boss: What we do is not really that special

returnmyjedi
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He sounds a bit glum. A case of the Higgs Boson Blues, perhaps?

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You know where Apple Pay is getting used a LOT? Yes - McDonalds

returnmyjedi
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"Putting your phone down, in the open, in a McDonalds?

Are you asking for it to be nicked?"

One of the benefits of owning a Windows Phone is that no one would ever consider nicking it, however easy the pilfering may be.

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returnmyjedi
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I sauntered into the McDonalds in Milton Keynes last week and not only could I bonk n pay (not with Apple Pay being in the UK, plus not owning the new Super Sized models) but they also had Qi wireless chargers on the tables. As I merrily charged my Lumia a couple of hood rats spotted this and tried unsuccessfully to do the same with their iPhone 6s. They even complained to one of the scary clown's representatives when they couldn't tap into the wireless juice, stating that iPhones "work wirelessly now". Bless em.

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Samsung Galaxy Note 4: Spawn of Galaxy Alpha and a Note 3 unveiled

returnmyjedi
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Fast charging will no doubt deplete the battery capacity over time, but at least Samsung give you the option to replace it.

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What should America turn to for web advice? That's right: GOV.UK – says ex-Obama IT guru

returnmyjedi
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I had to fill out a US tax return once and it was the language was akin to that incomprehensible scene with the aged chap at the end of The Matrix Number Two (as it should have been called).

In comparison the UK self assessment is as simple as a Mr Men book (Mr Nosey, mayhaps?)

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NOKIA - Not FINNished yet! BEHOLD the somewhat DULL MYSTERY DEVICE!

returnmyjedi
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Nicely specced but the lack of innovation or flair, something that Nokia of old sometimes had too much of, is very disappointing. The resemblance to the iPad mini is startling though; perhaps it's the Finns way of getting back at Apple for nicking the Lumia design with the iPhone 5C?

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Space Commanders rebel as Elite:Dangerous kills offline mode

returnmyjedi
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After the phew Rory caused by the latest sim city being online only at release I would have thought that Frontier would have realised this design choice would be as successful as Ed Miliband at a bacon sandwich eating contest.

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Virgin Media struck dumb by NATIONWIDE packet loss balls-up

returnmyjedi
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Re: Widespread, but not everywhere

No issues in Northampton either. Go Saints!

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Jony Ive: Apple isn't here to make money. And students shouldn't use computers so much

returnmyjedi
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I hate lazy design also. The laziness of the design of the eMac's screen was particularly abhorrent. As was the design of the antenna in the iPhone 4. And don't get me started on how the 30 pin iDevice cable would undress itself of its outer sheath as soon as you start using it.

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