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* Posts by returnmyjedi

388 posts • joined 26 Mar 2013

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Wireless Power standards are like Highlanders: There can be only ONE

returnmyjedi
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Qi burger

They've got qi chargers in my local (ish) McDonald's, so if it's good enough for that creepy clown it's good enough for me.

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Apple’s $700 BEEELLION market cap makes it more valuable than Switzerland

returnmyjedi
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Re: Switzerland is NOT the home of the cuckoo watch

Not fussed about an Apple Watch, bit would definitely be interested in a cuckoo watch. Would said avian alerter pop out of the side of the front?

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I'll be back (and forward): Hollywood's time travel tribulations

returnmyjedi
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Re: Star Trek

"Upset most of the fans however. And he has as little respect for Starwars as he did for Star Trek."

Just like Lucas, then.

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NEWSFLASH: You may ALREADY have seen Steve Jobs' willy

returnmyjedi
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'Fraid so, in Danny Boyle's production of Frankenstein at the NT. Said member was long and thin, just like its owner. Not that I make a habit of seeing the dangly of thesps, but I also was witness to Gandalf's staff when Sir Ian was playing King Lear in Stratford. He jumped up and down so much he resembled a Spitfire made of saggy old skin.

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Be real, Apple: In-app goodie grab games AREN'T FREE – EU

returnmyjedi
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Re: See ...

There is a touch of the Tea Party about them, that's for sure.

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returnmyjedi
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Gets

"Get"? As in "can I get a coffee?"

How appropriate that Apple choose to use a word so linked with an abomination of the English language that is so frequently ejaculated in Starbucks, the den of the discerning fanboi.

Bunch of gets the lot of them.

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CERN IT boss: What we do is not really that special

returnmyjedi
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He sounds a bit glum. A case of the Higgs Boson Blues, perhaps?

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You know where Apple Pay is getting used a LOT? Yes - McDonalds

returnmyjedi
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"Putting your phone down, in the open, in a McDonalds?

Are you asking for it to be nicked?"

One of the benefits of owning a Windows Phone is that no one would ever consider nicking it, however easy the pilfering may be.

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returnmyjedi
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I sauntered into the McDonalds in Milton Keynes last week and not only could I bonk n pay (not with Apple Pay being in the UK, plus not owning the new Super Sized models) but they also had Qi wireless chargers on the tables. As I merrily charged my Lumia a couple of hood rats spotted this and tried unsuccessfully to do the same with their iPhone 6s. They even complained to one of the scary clown's representatives when they couldn't tap into the wireless juice, stating that iPhones "work wirelessly now". Bless em.

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Samsung Galaxy Note 4: Spawn of Galaxy Alpha and a Note 3 unveiled

returnmyjedi
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Fast charging will no doubt deplete the battery capacity over time, but at least Samsung give you the option to replace it.

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What should America turn to for web advice? That's right: GOV.UK – says ex-Obama IT guru

returnmyjedi
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I had to fill out a US tax return once and it was the language was akin to that incomprehensible scene with the aged chap at the end of The Matrix Number Two (as it should have been called).

In comparison the UK self assessment is as simple as a Mr Men book (Mr Nosey, mayhaps?)

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NOKIA - Not FINNished yet! BEHOLD the somewhat DULL MYSTERY DEVICE!

returnmyjedi
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Nicely specced but the lack of innovation or flair, something that Nokia of old sometimes had too much of, is very disappointing. The resemblance to the iPad mini is startling though; perhaps it's the Finns way of getting back at Apple for nicking the Lumia design with the iPhone 5C?

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Space Commanders rebel as Elite:Dangerous kills offline mode

returnmyjedi
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After the phew Rory caused by the latest sim city being online only at release I would have thought that Frontier would have realised this design choice would be as successful as Ed Miliband at a bacon sandwich eating contest.

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Virgin Media struck dumb by NATIONWIDE packet loss balls-up

returnmyjedi
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Re: Widespread, but not everywhere

No issues in Northampton either. Go Saints!

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Jony Ive: Apple isn't here to make money. And students shouldn't use computers so much

returnmyjedi
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I hate lazy design also. The laziness of the design of the eMac's screen was particularly abhorrent. As was the design of the antenna in the iPhone 4. And don't get me started on how the 30 pin iDevice cable would undress itself of its outer sheath as soon as you start using it.

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Assassin's Creed bugs shift setting to LSD-drenched 1960s Paris

returnmyjedi
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The music in the "this one's too funny..." clip is rather excellent. Personally I've never found the Assassins Creed games to be that great. Very pretty to look at four sure, but the collectathon gameplay soon became tiresome. Glad I have this one a miss after seeing the vids.

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European Commission decides it won't have a science advisor after Greenpeace pressure

returnmyjedi
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Re: Greenpeace is neither green, nor peaceful.

Since 1997 I haven't thought for a second that Labour were left wing.

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returnmyjedi
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Bloody Greenpeace. First they prevent me from getting free bits of Lego when I fill my car up with lovely petrol, now they're removing science from Europe. Makes me so mad I want to punch a polar bear.

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Cold? Cuddle these HOT GERMAN RACKS, yours for only 12,000 euro – we swear there's an IT angle

returnmyjedi
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Darn it. Nearly bought a house last year and the only thing that put me off was it's hot air heating system. If only I'd had the foresight to replace the boiler in the cellar with a few racks.

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Ha ha, fooled you! Shares tumble over G4S fake website profit warning

returnmyjedi
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Re: https

Since when did G4S have the slightest interest in anything that would make something more secure?

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Bible THUMP: Good Book beats Darwin to most influential tome title

returnmyjedi
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Why in the name of Dr Henry Wu's eviscerated guts wasn't Jurassic Park in the list? Shows how much of a dumbed down society we...ummm...is.

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Hey, Apple! We can land a probe on a comet, but we can't have a 12.9in iPad 'until mid-2015'?

returnmyjedi
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Re: Waiting to register...

Knock knock.

Who's there?

iWannap...

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returnmyjedi
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Perhaps the delays are less to do with assembly issues and more to do with complications on the software side. An extra couple of inches to run iOS seems a little unnecessary; however to run OSX it makes perfect sense.

So maybe the fruity types are working night and day to get it to run on ARM architecture, enabling a hybrid iOSX. That strategy worked out beautifully for Microsoft.

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TalkTalk's 'unbeatable signal strength' and 'fastest Wi-Fi tech' FIBS silenced by ad watchdog

returnmyjedi
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Crapness must be mandatory if the router has "super" in the title. My VM SuperHub can barely penetrate a studded wall, whereas my work laptop has no issue picking up the shared signal from an iphone or Lumia two floors up.

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DRAMA in SPACE: But Philae KEEPS TRYING to HARPOON COMET

returnmyjedi
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I'm going to report you to Farage for all that devilish pro European banter.

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My HOUSE used to be a PUB: How to save the UK high street

returnmyjedi
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There would need to be a complete change in planning laws of course. A similar problem faces a village near me that has two pubs, one of which has stood empty for years as they're isn't the population to keep it open. Many have tried to buy it to turn into a house but the parish council refuse to permit a change of usage as they are worried it would change the character of the village. So the character of the village remains as "derelict".

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Microsoft to bring back beloved 1990s super-hit BATTLETOADS!?*

returnmyjedi
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Re: If Microsoft didn't buy them we wouldn't have got Viva Pinata.

Viva piñata is up there with my favourite games of the 2000s, a surprisingly deep and involved strategy game masquerading as a kid's garden simulator. The score and art design also showed that Rare could still produce stunning games as they frequently did in the N64 era. And then Microsoft decided their talents were best put to use churning out Kinect sports games and it all went horribly wrong.

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BEHOLD Apple's BENEVOLENCE! iMessage txt BLACK HOLE finally fixed

returnmyjedi
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If the problem is that one cannot receive texts after away from the fruity church, how does a process that involves sending a text help solve the problem for those who have moved on due to their iDevice breaking or such? Or is the text that Apple sends automatically sent outside of the iMessage system? (Genuine question, not trolling).

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Farewell Nokia: First ever 'Microsoft Lumia' set for Tuesday reveal

returnmyjedi
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I'm convinced that one of the primary reasons for the success of the original Xbox and 360 was the scarcity of Microsoft logos on either machine, with the Xbox being the predominant brand. I'm quite happy with a Nokia phone, I'd be happy with one labeled as a Lumia. But for purely emotional reasons I do not want one with the M word emblazoned upon it.

I always knew Microsoft were incapable of learning from their mistakes, it now seems they can't learn from their successes.

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Poll: Yes, yes, texting while driving is bad but *ping* OH! Hey, GRAB THE WHEEL, will ya?

returnmyjedi
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Re: Windows phone

Lumias also have a Car Mode whereby if they connect to Bluetooth you can (if you wish) have all calls immediately redirected to voicemail our have it send an autoreply text to say you're driving.

I was a passenger being driven up the M1 earlier in the week I was surprised/terrified to see a woman playing a game (Angry Birds, I think) on the iphone that was in a cradle on her windscreen whilst driving in the middle lane. At 70mph.

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Apple strap-on wristjob: You WON'T be able to spend more than $5,000!

returnmyjedi
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Re: Gold-plated?

One of the reasons for the high cost of a Rolex is that they are hand built in Switzerland, which tends to have slightly better working conditions than Foxconn et al. Hopefully Apple will either pour a fraction of their war chest into having the watches built either in a factory with decent working conditions or have them built in the US a la the Mac Pro.

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iBail: American Psycho actor Christian Bale rejects Steve Jobs role

returnmyjedi
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The only viable proposition now is a motion captured Andy Serkis voiced by MacInTalk.

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Microsoft: How to run Internet Explorer 11 on ANDROID, iOS, OS X

returnmyjedi
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"Bleeding edge" is not a phrase oft used in the same sentence as Windows.

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Gov.UK doubles IT outsourcing to £20bn

returnmyjedi
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£20 billion spent; £19 billion worth of cancelled or failed contracts.

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Branson on Virgin Galactic fatal crash: 'Space is hard – but worth it'

returnmyjedi
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Re: Too many windows?

There's a Comet on display at Duxford with the redesigned oval windows, and remains one of the prettiest aeroplanes ever built.

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Curious to know if the UK's Tory-led government is a MEGA SPY? Answer: Yes

returnmyjedi
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Re: "Hello" lied the politician

However hateful and nasty the policies and lies of this coalition, the scale of corruption and self-serving that they exhibit pales in comparison to the walking ballon of flatus that is Keith Vaz. The fact that he keeps on being elected by the people of Leicester makes me hate the place even more (the primary reasons being Gary Lineker and the regular defeats of Northampton Saints against their right team).

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One hard ghoulie: 1985's Ghosts 'n Goblins

returnmyjedi
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I don't know of a single Amiga 500 owner that didn't buy a 512kb ram upgrade from Datel or the like and pop it under the machine to join the party with Denise, Agnes et al. It always reminded me of the beginning of star wars with the Rebel blockade runner being gobbled by the star destroyer. Am I right? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

Brilliant game though, which resulted in all of my pocket money being squandered in the first hour of a family holiday to the monkey tree holiday park in Devon.

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EE launches 150Mbps '4G+' in the heart of London

returnmyjedi
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Re: Caps

You did the math.

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NHS quango fatcats spend £2m tax dosh on iPads and iPhones

returnmyjedi
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Re: Better Value

A hospital my firm deals with needed tablets to provide a means for patients to order meals. The only two requisites were WiFi and a web browser. The IT department recommended BB playbooks as they were less than one hundred notes and did the job. The mandarin behind the other overruled the recommendation and ordered several dozen ipads as otherwise "the reputation of the hospital might be damaged if they don't have premium products". Didn't stop the food being complete pig swill, regardless on what they order it via.

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Apple CEO Tim Cook: My well-known gayness is 'a gift from GOD'

returnmyjedi
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Umm, yay?

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Microsoft fitness bands slapped on wrists: All YOUR HEALTH DATA are BELONG TO US

returnmyjedi
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Encouraging to see that Microsoft have leant from their experience in setting the price of both the Surface and Xbox One higher than the competition and the resulting poor sales. For fifty fewer simoleons they could have been onto a winner.

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Lawyers mobilise angry mob against Apple over alleged 2011 Macbook Pro crapness

returnmyjedi
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Re: eco-friendly lead-free solder, heh?

Apple are pretty good at dealing with defective items eventually, what grates me is how long it takes for them to fess up to the issues. My first Apple device was a third gen iPod which had battery issues from day one. After ten months of back and forth from the warranty centre (this was pre genius bars) they admitted it was an issue with the battery and replaced it (didn't extend the warranty though).

Next brush was with a bunch of eMacs in my first job that had been bought by my predecessor and weird video glitches. It was only after we replaced the lot of them did Apple publicly admit there was fault.

The iPhone 4's antenna issue was dealt with, but only after months of denial.

When even Microsoft can outperform you with customer service (admitting the issue with the 360 and the rings of death, which they extended the warranty to three years with replacements/repairs) you know there's something amiss.

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Apple spent just ONE DOLLAR beefing up the latest iPad Air 2

returnmyjedi
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The working conditions at Fruity HQ must be truly diabolical if the r&d costs in getting the latest iPad so thin and such only amounts to a single buck per unit. All those long unpaid hours being whipped by Messrs Cook, Ive et al. Disgraceful.

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Google roolz! Nest buys Revolv, KILLS new sales of home hub

returnmyjedi
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Re: The same Nest that accused Honeywell of trying to bully it out of the market?

You can't get more rounded corners than a circle.

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DOUBLE BONK: Fanbois catch Apple Pay picking pockets

returnmyjedi
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The girl in the queue for overpriced coffee had the first iPhone 6 Plus I've seen in the wild. She didn't bonk it (being in the UK) but I was disappointed how ordinary the phone looked in the (or should that be 'her') flesh, certainly not as Purdy as a HTC One M8 or orange Lumia 930 (the latter might be just my own preference for day glo moves). It was perfectly flat though.

Anywho, the time she spent getting the loyalty app for said rank coffee shop to open she could have slid her card in and punched her pin in. Hopefully apple pay doesn't require quite so much faff.

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Really... an iKeyfob? Apple continues war on fanbois' pockets

returnmyjedi
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The Apple logo?

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US government fines Intel's Wind River over crypto exports

returnmyjedi
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Re: governemtn

Proofreading worthy of the Grauniad. The Gestrier, anyone?

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iPad AIR 2 and iPad MINI 3, 5K iMac: World feels different today – and it IS

returnmyjedi
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Re: Learn something please, Microsoft

I think he was comparing the screen size with the base model Surface Pro 3, which has a throbbing 12" screen.

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The Apple launch AS IT HAPPENED: Totally SERIOUS coverage, not for haters

returnmyjedi
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Re: returnmyjedi

Ah, okay. Other, less reputable sites than el reg are claiming otherwise (and declaring it to be the most magical thing to happen to sims since they were debigified TWICE).

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returnmyjedi
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The new iPad doesn't have a SIM tray, but is 4G compatible. Does this mean that data plans will be controlled by Apple hence forth? Oh joy of joys.

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