* Posts by returnmyjedi

503 posts • joined 26 Mar 2013

Page:

Multiple fondling on the MIGHTY 12-INCH iOS 9 SLAB — so, so close now

returnmyjedi
Silver badge

So you can snap two apps together, either 50/50 or ⅔/⅓? Truly magical/revolutionary.

0
0

Google Maps gets hit with racist White House listing

returnmyjedi
Silver badge

Re: That reminds me

"Beware the Scunthorpe Problem in such scenarios, though."

Is that why the village of Cuntbubble doesn't appear on either Google or Apple maps?

0
0

Apple threw its TV out the window after years of research: report

returnmyjedi
Silver badge

Re: Disproof

"Apple do have a 2010 patent on a laser-powered display"

I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue have had a laser display screen since the 1970s so I look forward to Samantha going down hard on Cook et al if they release that.

9
1

Microsoft celebrates 25 years' SOLITARY SELF-PLEASURE with GROUP SESSION

returnmyjedi
Silver badge

The Solitaire collection is also available on Windows 8, as is Minesweeper. Just saying.

1
0

Use your Apple gizmos only for good, says Tim Cook

returnmyjedi
Silver badge

Re: Wow...

Timmy doesn't give a tuppeny for your iPod, he's all about timepieces and waste-paper baskets nowadays.

2
0

Microsoft's Surface 3 is sweet – but I wouldn't tickle my nads with it

returnmyjedi
Silver badge

Re: £419 (64GB, 2GB RAM), £499 (128GB, 4GB RAM) RRP

"No table is worth this price"

Depends on how many you can sit round it.

22
0

Roku 3: Probably the best streaming player on the market ... for now, at least

returnmyjedi
Silver badge

We've got a Roku 2. It has the natty headphone jack in the remote, but doesn't sport the extra buttons that this model does. It outputs at 1080p and navigation is swift, but its older hardware internals mean it doesn't support the new version of Netflix which for me is a good thing as being recommended Cabin In The Woods because my toddler watched Bambi on the iPad is a little annoying (Bambi is far more hardcore, natch).

The little box only cost me £40 from Amazon which is more than a Now TV box (but doesn't lock out Netflix) and much cheaper than both Apple's and Amazon's offerings.

0
0

Mad Max: Fury Road – two hours of nonstop, utterly insane fantasy action

returnmyjedi
Silver badge

Watched it Thursday with a big grin upon my face throughout its two hour running time. The action was predictably kinetic and ludicrous (milking mammas, the blind guy thrashing out riffs on his conflagrating guitar), but I was pleasantly surprised how beautiful it was. And not just because of the wives. I also found myself actually caring about the protagonists, especially the ones Max et al meet in the third act.

Film of the year for me.

12
0

Election? Pah. Here's the REAL question: Who’s the SEXIEST MP?

returnmyjedi
Silver badge

Re: Mmm, Berger

If only Wayne Kerr and Mike Hunt (UKIP's losing candidates for Wombwell and Braintree respectively) would have won...

0
0
returnmyjedi
Silver badge

It's all a nonsense really, as we all know Grant Shapps would have topped the last had he not had to vote for four different versions of himself. Furthermore, once Chuka Umunna's office get wind of it they'll start upvoting him. He's the British Barak Obama' y'know.

3
0
returnmyjedi
Silver badge

Re: Time for jokes.

Ed Balls.

7
0

Mondeo Man turns into mutant electrical beauty: Ford Mondeo Hybrid

returnmyjedi
Silver badge

I had a 1.6 diesel Mondeo (previous model) as a lease car a couple of years ago whilst I waited for my company one to arrive and it managed an mpg in the mid 60s without any particular effort on my behalf. Aside from the snug sense of self satisfaction and the ability to sneak up on other road users I really cannot see the benefits of a hybrid over an oil burner (aside from a few less CO2s and NOXs emitted, natch).

0
1

Theresa May: Right, THIS time we're getting the Snoopers' Charter in

returnmyjedi
Silver badge

Re: If there's ever a time to mourn the collapse...

The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world it was all Nick Clegg's fault.

21
0

Citizens denied chance to vote in local-government IT cockup

returnmyjedi
Silver badge

Oh my. Diane Abbot will be very concerned about how this affects the people of Haaahhkney.

6
0

Windows 10 bombshell: Microsoft to KILL OFF Patch Tuesday

returnmyjedi
Silver badge

Re: Microsoft taking a swipe at another company

You're not exactly comparing like for like. A better comparison would be Android with Windows Phone 7 which Microsoft abandoned 3 and a bit years after its launch.

12
7

Microsoft HoloLens or Hollow Lens? El Reg stares down cyber-specs' code

returnmyjedi
Silver badge

The reluctance of the Microsoft humanoids to discuss the innards at this point is hardly surprising in alpha kit, as there will be negotiations going on with whomever provides the chips n bits.

My main worry is that I recall watching a documentary about a spaceship whose crew all went a bit mad thanks to a game played on similar headsets (can't remember the name but the captain was a Frenchman with a Yorkshire accent).

1
0

Apple in rinky-dink ink stink wristjob admission: Watch IS affected by TATTOOS

returnmyjedi
Silver badge

There's a cream for that.

3
0

New Windows 10 will STAGGER to its feet, says Microsoft OS veep

returnmyjedi
Silver badge

Re: I'm too old for this

Unfinished software in not-fully-functioning shocker. Film at eleven.

16
1

iOS and Android apps on Windows 10: How is this supposed to work?

returnmyjedi
Silver badge

Re: "Android apps on Windows 10 are mobile-only..."

Back in the day that they used the Metro moniker, the odd Windows Phone app was far better than its ios and Android cousins (ebay, Natwest, Right Move spring to mind) thanks to the lack of the dreaded burger menus. In their wisdom, MS decided this differing design language (however superior for the most part) was what was stalling the worldwide domination of WP so have largely abandoned it. Shame really.

3
0

Brits send Star Wars X-wing fighter to the stratosphere

returnmyjedi
Silver badge

Re: Here's an interesting poser that I have posed elsewhere.

The Eurofighter shouldn't fly but does thanks to computrickery so it's not outside the realm of possibility. The B-Wing would be the real challenge.

0
0

This is Spartan? No, it's Microsoft Edge, Son of Internet Explorer

returnmyjedi
Silver badge

Re: Microsoft Marketing

It's probably due to Spartan also meaning a bit basic (from a design perspective, natch). I can't disagree with the punchability of Belfiore's head-ball, though.

4
0

Apple to devs: Watch out, don't make the Watch into a, well, a watch

returnmyjedi
Silver badge

Re: Truth is funnier than fiction.

That Swiss watch design has very rounded corners.

4
0

Fukushima nuke plant owner told to upgrade from Windows XP

returnmyjedi
Silver badge

The Tokyo Electric Power Company (TEPCO), operator of the Stricken Fukushima Daiichi nuclear energy complex.

As stricken appears to be a proper noun, does that mean that's its official moniker now?

2
0

Dead Steve Jobs' wage-fixing pact in Silicon Valley was news to us, claim Apple directors

returnmyjedi
Silver badge

Re: De mortuis nil nisi bonum

Valar morghulis.

0
0

Nokia to take $6bn bath on Navteq following AlcaLuc purchase

returnmyjedi
Silver badge

I'm a big fan of HERE maps, largely for the offline capability and it's excellent(compared to other free ones at least) navigation. Microsoft seem the most likely buyer but as there hasn't been a leak from their colander like press office this seems unlikely. Maybe Apple then? The fruity maps are much improved from the laughable state they were in at launch, but they still get a bit disorientated at an alarming rate.

3
0

Help! We need to pick a platform for our desert adventure

returnmyjedi
Silver badge

Workbench 3.1

3
0

Microsoft's top legal eagle: US cannot ignore foreign privacy laws

returnmyjedi
Silver badge

Re: What an insult

Microsucks!! That is bloody genius. You sir have the wit of Wilde (the Kids in America one that is, natch).

5
0

Google: Give us cash or we'll poke YouTube ads into your eyeballs

returnmyjedi
Silver badge

Mmm...brasts.

2
0

Microsoft goes cloud KERR-AZY, chops Windows Server to bits

returnmyjedi
Silver badge

Re: Hold the phone - stop the presses!

And the Sidewinder flight stick; that was great.

0
0

Fsck those new emojis! Install iOS 8.3, OS X 10.10.3 NOW to squash all these security bugs

returnmyjedi
Silver badge

Terrible journalism. Apple products and software NEVER have bugs; they're either features or user errors. Move along, nothing to see here.

1
5

Sony tells hacked gamer to pay for crooks' abuse of PlayStation account

returnmyjedi
Silver badge

I could have the most complicated 29 character password and it would be as secure as 'password1' if it was stored as plain text on the company's server, as Sony did in the past.

41
1
returnmyjedi
Silver badge

For the hackers.

4
0

It's the FALKLANDS SYNDROME! Fukushima MELTDOWN to cause '10,000 Chernobyls' in South Atlantic

returnmyjedi
Silver badge

Re: Bloody stupid ...

"Who would call a dachshund "Colin". Really."

Blackadder?

0
0
returnmyjedi
Silver badge

Re: Excellent work!

Microsoft released a fear inducing trip down memory lane in the form of an MS-DOS "emulator" for Windows Phone. Had at least one minute of fun cd dot dotting before I realised that they hadn't thrown in any dos games. You can launch some apps from it which is pointless but somehow satisfying in a caveman sort of way.

0
0

Anti-gay Indiana starts backtracking on hated law after tech pressure

returnmyjedi
Silver badge

Whatever happened to love thy neighbour? Or indeed following Leviticus to the letter? I'd wager three Easter eggs that most of the concerned Christians that root their beliefs in the bible regularly chow down on shrimps and other crustaceans, don't beat their children to death every time they refuse to put their iPad down, and probably shave as well! Heathens!

17
2

Just WALK IN and buy an Apple Watch. Are you mad?

returnmyjedi
Silver badge

I'm slightly bilious after going to the Apple website and noticing that you rather than clicking to watch their keynotes, you click to "experience" them. How very bell-endulous of them.

25
1

Microsoft's Windows 10 build list snowballs for Lumia mobes

returnmyjedi
Silver badge

Re: Since when did the old Nokia Lumias suddenly get named just Lumia.

One of the conditions of Microsoft's acquisition of Nokia's devices division was that every time they referred to a Lumia as a Nokia Lumia, Nadella has to give Elop a bag of Doritos and a peck on the cheek. Hence the slightly revisionist nomenclature in the aforementioned list.

4
0

Chrome trumps all comers in reported vulnerabilities

returnmyjedi
Silver badge

Re: half truth statistics coming from Secunia.

You'll have the chaps from Operation Yewtree at your door with that sort of suggestion.

4
1
returnmyjedi
Silver badge

Re: half truth statistics coming from Secunia.

I had no idea Google rewarded those who report vulnerabilities with a Bounty. I prefer a Twix myself, but hey, chocolate is chocolate.

18
0

Dear departed Internet Explorer, how I will miss you ... NOT

returnmyjedi
Silver badge

I thought Spartan was a continuation of Redmond's latest bit of frivolity in naming development projects after elements of the Halo universe, following on from Threshold (Win 10) and Cortana (who was lucky to keep her name, rather than Microsoft's usual desire to rename with something far more clunky).

7
0

Apple's portable power podule patent promises paroxysms of fanboi joy

returnmyjedi
Silver badge

You're exploding it wrong.

0
1

A gold MacBook with just ONE USB port? Apple, you're DRUNK

returnmyjedi
Silver badge

When viewed in their natural habitat, most Appleoids have two things plugged into their shiny MacBooks: A power cable and their iPhone (presumably to power the latter also). Had they any sense of decency, Ive et al would have plonked a USB pass through on the power connector, or at least on the power supply brick (even Sony used to do that on their later Vaio laptops).

1
1

Thought Apple was kidding about diversity? Here's 50 MEEELLION reasons you're wrong

returnmyjedi
Silver badge

Can't argue with this, well done Cook & Co. Encouraging a more diverse range of humanoids to work for the company is a far more sensible and (whisper it) fair approach than having diversity quotas, positive discrimination, ir driving around in a pink bus to patronise the very people you're trying to empower.

4
1

Apple Watch: Wait a minute! This puny wrist-puter costs 17 GRAND?!

returnmyjedi
Silver badge

Re: Medical research?

The array of sensors on the likes of the Microsoft Band would prove far more valuable to medical researchers, however said boffins tend to be a bit magpie like and love shiny things. I can also see the offer of a Fruity Watch to wear during the trial and keep after being used to entice participants into studies.

3
1
returnmyjedi
Silver badge

Re: cheapo's cable TV?

That's pretty much what I do with Now TV in the UK whenever a new series of GoT starts.

1
0

Apple Watch: HOT WRIST ACTION plus slim $1299 MacBooks - and HBO TV

returnmyjedi
Silver badge

HBO really are desperate to limit their viewership, aren't they? If they're not jumping into bed with Uncle Rupert and making their content only available on Sky in the UK, now you can only watch HBO on demand via Apple's mediocre box of pretty naff tricks. Sue poib.

3
5

FREAKing hell: ALL Windows versions vulnerable to SSL snoop

returnmyjedi
Silver badge

Safari and Chrome are affected on OSX so I guess things must be a bit rotten in Fruityworld also.

5
2

Frontier promises it won't 'dumb down' Elite: Dangerous for Xbox

returnmyjedi
Silver badge

Why there wasn't a 12 Years A Slave movie tie in for Elite is beyond me. I really should be in marketing.

1
0

Apple Pay a haven for 'rampant' credit card fraud, say experts

returnmyjedi
Silver badge

People are worried because even though you get the money back eventually it can be a right royal pain in the Harris to identify the frauds, get a new card, claim the money back etc. My housemate a few years ago ended up having his credit rating adversely affected by a credit card fraud that cleared out his bank account and resulted in several missed payments. Even though the back refunded him the money after a week or so, it took him a few months to get his credit rating back to normal which was jolly inconvenient at the time as it meant his mortgage application was rejected, he lost the house he wanted and - worse of all - he had to live we me an extra month.

1
0

Page:

Forums