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* Posts by Mr Spock

117 posts • joined 27 Feb 2013

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Oi, jobless yoofs: Upload a witty video bio if you wanna find work

Mr Spock

Learn from the original... Martha Lane Fox.

How to make millions and get ahead :- talk too fast in a flat monotone for 4 minutes, while looking slightly off-camera. Also, brush your hair beforehand with a live electrode.

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Mr Spock

The job - just as it always has - will go to the girl with the biggest tits. Just shortens the application process.

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Sleek Nokia Lumia details EXPOSED ahead of Thursday's disrobing

Mr Spock

Re: If you like a lot of camera on your smartphone join our club

So Nokia have just won at phone cameras.

Not exactly. It's a win if they put it into something that people want to buy.

Ah! The 808 PureView. Ok... so it's a win if they put it into something that they're willing to sell...

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Mr Spock

Re: Get a grip on your massive storage requirements

Why on God's green earth would you need more than 32GB of internal storage on a cameraphone?

Dunno; why would you need more than 640K in your PC?

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Mr Spock

Re: No expandable storage?

I have a Lumia, and can confirm that the auto-upload to Skydrive is completely hassle-free and means that onboard storage is academic.

'D hate to be on a plane with one of these.

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Mr Spock

Since Nokia unveiled its imaging technology in the final Symbian phone, the PureView 808 in February 2012, it’s been a guessing game when the system would run on a modern OS.

So when do you think that is going to happen?

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Universal Credit? Universal DISCREDIT, more like, say insiders

Mr Spock

In other news...

... Pope Catholic, bear seen defecating in woods, yet another major Government IT project egregiously fucked up.

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The irresistible rise of the corporate app

Mr Spock

Re: Have to say I smell a rat here

Now, of course, if we are not talking about the 99% of drones but of the few high-flyers who are intent on building their careers and impressing the management, in other words, those with high-level diplomas and overbearing personalities who simply cannot live an instant without total and complete access to eveything they need to impress the upper echelon, then yes, I totally can see BYOD being an indispensable part of the landscape. For the chosen few.

These sort of people should all be provided with a Nokia N93; it's the device which would cause the most pain and discomfort when rammed up their (OK, that's enough - Ed.)

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Microsoft preps UK Surface Pro 'pilot', tiptoes around Win 8 OEM rivals

Mr Spock
FAIL

Re: Nice PR spin

A queue doesnt ALWAYS mean high demand, it just means limited supply.

But you can make it sound like it's indemand.

But you can only fool people once. And nobody was fooled last time.

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Win 8 man Sinofsky's 'retirement' deal: $14m shares, oath of silence

Mr Spock

Re: Non disclosure?

Based on what he did for Microsoft who would want to employ him? Nokia or Blackberry aside, of course

Sinofsky or Eadon?

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Mr Spock
Boffin

Re: No more Windows - /rant

WIndows could well end up like Doors...

If I was Ballmer, I'd avoid going to Paris and taking baths.

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Mr Spock

Re: He was never snarky, pompous or clever-clever.

shame on ElReg!They did delete all of his comments! Mo..f*ckers!

ALL of them? That's really sad.

I hope they had to do it manually. Comment by comment.

ANd I hope the server crashes pre-backup, so they have to do it all again!

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Microsoft to switch off MSN TV

Mr Spock

Ah... WebTV.

Its subscribers made AOL users look positively intelligent...

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Dell explores wearable computing as PC base crumbles

Mr Spock

'Jury still out'... since when?

The jury came in a long while ago. And the verdict is most definitely Esther Williams.

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Microsoft's cloud leaves manual transmission behind

Mr Spock
Boffin

Re: Excellent Article

You forgot the bit that goes 'SME viagra SME cialis SME levitra SME casino SME lonely wives' etc. ...

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Germans brew up a right Sh*tstorm

Mr Spock
Boffin

Re: "the frankly horrible le ferry-boat"

I believe Gainsbourg uses the word 'ferry-boat' in '69 Annee Erotique', and if Gainsbourg uses a word, then it is acceptable French.

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Mr Spock
Happy

According to the Graun article about this the other day, the prefix "Scheiss-" is a positive modifier

So, the correct English translation of 'Scheiss-' in this case is 'Fuck-Off'.

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British Bebo founder buys back social network for $849m profit

Mr Spock

" ...the Bebo users deserve better that what they have received in the past few years."

No they don't. They deserve exactly what they have received in the past few years.

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Windows 8 apps pass 100K, Windows 8 passes Vista

Mr Spock
FAIL

@AC 06:41

Nail on the head. I'd like to see a figure for the number of apps which were developed independently for pleasure and/or profit, as opposed to those which were paid for by Microsoft or Nokia to pad the store. A lot less than 100,000 now, isn't it.

At least we know one of them is Angry Birds, as Microsoft is using it in its extremely unhip and tedious saturation UK TV ad campaigns. 'May the Birds be with you'. Whoop-de-doo, they've got a game which was released in 2009! I'm so excited I need to go to the dry cleaner's.

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HP confirms it's back in the smartphone business

Mr Spock
Happy

Low support costs.

Because nobody's got one. Nothing to support!

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Mr Spock

Re: "better to use an OS people actually want to buy"

Better than that. For every one Nokia owner that wants a Windows Phone, there are twenty that don't.

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Surface Pro for enterprise: We name the dates and the lucky partners

Mr Spock

Anyone can bid for the contract...

... as long as they own a decent sized tract of land in the Nevada desert. And a JCB.

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Firefox OS starts third-place race against Windows Phone

Mr Spock

@MattEvansC3

> If done right Firefox will push Microsoft into fourth

But... but... Microsoft isn't in third.

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Mr Spock

Re: The more I think about it,

Borg-ing.

I think you're using that wrong.

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Mr Spock

Re: But... but...

I can be as uninformed as you can be sarcastic.

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Mr Spock

But... but...

... Windows Phone isn't in third place.

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What's the difference between GEEKS and NERDS?

Mr Spock

This guy is neither a nerd nor a geek.

He's just a hipster who wants some friends.

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Yahoo! announces last hurrah of ancient AltaVista search

Mr Spock
Boffin

Altavista, in the UK in any case, ...

... has been dead since long, long before Yahoo bought it.

Spool back to 2000. Altavista committed suicide when their UK MD announced they would be offering unmetered net access, back in the days when BT had the wholesale monopoly and nobody (except AOL) could afford to enter the market.

About nine months after the announcement, and after about half the UK had registered its interest, the MD backtracked frantically, and then 'resigned' a couple of days later.

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MoD signs Microsoft mega licensing deal for 180,000 PCs

Mr Spock

Snuffle, snort, oink, belch.

TSIA.

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Microsoft partners seriously underwhelmed by Windows 8.1

Mr Spock

Re: How long before...

Or, how long before Ballmer understands the meaning of the word 'partner'. (Hint: it's not synonymous with 'victim'.)

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Windows 8.1: 'It's good for enterprises, too,' says Redmond

Mr Spock

Re: Advertising Video

Or: 'See that desktop? That's you, that is!'

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Korean doctors: Smartphones really ARE doing your head in

Mr Spock

> Using your smartphone for playing location based games like Ingress that get you moving around outside?

Ingres? Whan I was a lad, using that kept you stuck inside the dingiest offices imaginable.

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Mr Spock
Boffin

Re: Still remember

My mum told me that if the wind changed, my face would stay like that.

I was so terrified I went to live on Macquarie Island.

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Trick-cyclist's claim: I have FOUND how to get GIRLS INTO TECH

Mr Spock

Re: We've been here before

> but we work in IT, incremental change is meant to be something we are good at.

No, what we are good at in IT is buggering up large projects. The larger the project, the more spectacular the bugger-up. And face it, as projects go, industry-wide gender equality is a pretty big one.

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Mr Spock
Boffin

Re: I'm surprised at Sapna Cheryan.

I'm not. For academics, this kind of research is the gift that keeps on giving.

Just think, if we ever did get gender parity in IT, this lot would have to go back to researching appendicular hearing in orthoptera.

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Mr Spock

@Dodgy Geezer

They never thought of Facebook, though, did they!

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Microsoft talks up devices, Windows 8.1 at developer shindig

Mr Spock

@Robert Grant

> 320000 sub-Saharan children are blind.

Don't tell Ballmer - he'll start marketing at them.

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Google staffing boss: Our old hiring procedures were 'worthless'

Mr Spock
Happy

It worked! It worked...

A few months ago I was wasting time on LinkedIn and an InMail dropped in my inbox from a Google recruiter, asking to headhunt me. I replied saying I wasn't interested, and wouldn't be until they dropped their silly recruitment process.

I'm happy to have contributed to society in this way. And it's all free. I thank you.

(PS: if the Google guy is reading this :- I'm still not interested.)

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Google's Schmidt calls climate-change deniers 'liars'

Mr Spock

Schmidt is quite right. But that doesn't mean he himself isn't an idiot.

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Amazon to deliver groceries in 20 markets by 2014

Mr Spock
Boffin

*cough*Kozmo*cough*

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Unemployed? Ugly? Ugh, no thanks, says fitties-only job website

Mr Spock

Re: Ha

Except that lack of attractiveness could arguably be considered a disability.

IANAL but (this time) I'm right behind any lawyers who get their teeth into this bunch of creeps.

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Microsoft offers free keyboard covers for Surface RT

Mr Spock

Your Shill-O-Mat is due for service or repair

> 3rd place isn't a bad position to be in

Sure isn't. Shame Microsoft aren't in it.

> look at Nokia's resurgence

Your microscope's broken.

> I haven't seen anything wrong with Surface

You're probably too busy looking at Nokia's resurgence.

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Former Microsoft Windows chief: I was right to kill the Start button

Mr Spock

A pedant writes...

A 'sabbatical' is when someone is given (paid or unpaid) leave from their job in order to pursue something else (usually research) for a (usually) fixed period of time, after which they return to their job.

Therefore, Sinofsky is not on sabbatical. He is unemployed.

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BBC suspends CTO after £100m is WASTED on doomed IT system

Mr Spock

Re: Coles

They'd be better off with Norris Cole. At least he makes a point of knowing what's going on all the time.

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STROKE this mouse to make apps POP, says Microsoft

Mr Spock

Re: Yeah, about that Windows button...

I'm a nerd and every time I get a PC I patch the registry so that the Windows key doesn't function.

Not that I'm going to be getting another PC for a while, of course.

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Facebook teens' kimonos - basically never closed

Mr Spock
Boffin

What is happening to our young people? They disrespect their elders, they disobey their parents. They ignore the law. They riot in the streets inflamed with wild notions. Their morals are decaying. What is to become of them?

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The bunker at the end of the world - in Essex

Mr Spock

Waiting for Eadon

... to explain to us why they used Commodores and not Windows PCs.

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