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* Posts by Barbarian At the Gates

47 posts • joined 5 Feb 2013

Tim Cook: I'm NOT worried about CRAP iPad sales. It's just a 'speedbump'

Barbarian At the Gates

No worries

Once Apple convinces all their customers to also buy an iPad for their wrist, sales will double!

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No more turning over a USB thing, then turning it over again to plug it in: Reversible socket ready for lift off

Barbarian At the Gates

USB Type A has a quantum spin of 1 1/2

I'm looking forward to this new plug. No more of this:

1) Attempt to insert USB Type A plug blindly into the back of a device (doesn't go in)

2) Flip plug 180 degrees. Still doesn't go in.

3) Curse

4) Flip plug 180 degrees again. NOW it inserts.

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I've got 99 problems, but a Facebook boycott ain't one

Barbarian At the Gates

Dumb monkeys

is where the money is at. Smart ones take too much effort to keep happy.

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Dating app Tinder faces sexual harassment suit from ex-exec co-founder

Barbarian At the Gates

What we really need

How about an app that identifies people you really should stay the heck away from? I could use one of those.

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Sky-scraping boffins mash amateur astronomers into huge virtual telescope

Barbarian At the Gates

Let's Enhance

http://youtu.be/Vxq9yj2pVWk

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Yes. App that lets you say 'Yo' raises 1 MEEELLION DOLLARS

Barbarian At the Gates

Thank you for your message

I appreciate the time and thought that you put into your recent communication to me. It was very insightful and pertinent to my current situation, and after many moments of contemplation, I believe I was able to comprehend the full depth, meaning, and context of the sage word that you sent me.

I don't know what I did for you recently that you would deem me worthy of taking the time out of your busy schedule to click twice. But thank you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. It is generous outpourings of time and effort such as this that make my time on this hunk of rock, speeding through near vacuum at the speed of 108,000 km/h, have meaning.

Sincerely,

My Middle Finger

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Bankrupt Bitcoin blunder bunker MtGox finds a friend to fend off out-of-pocket investors

Barbarian At the Gates

Bought for 1 BTC?

Hope they don't lose this one too.

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Women found just TWO out of every HUNDRED US tech startups

Barbarian At the Gates

Maybe...

There aren't very many women starting up tech businesses because they are smarter than that.

Given the "bro" culture, the propensity to build high pressure work environments built more on bull-pucky and egotistical posturing and just flat out mysogyny in tech culture...most women can find better things to do with their time.

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Former Microsoft exec Bates bounces to GoPro

Barbarian At the Gates

Fancy camera company?

Fancy cameras? No.

Sweet little cameras that can go places 'normal' cameras can't (or won't survive), yes.

YouTube would be sadly lacking in fail videos without you, GoPro.

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King's stocks are candy-crushed as its top toy suffers splurge slump

Barbarian At the Gates
Joke

I'm sure you had many valid points...

But seriously, attention spans are measured in milliseconds these days. BRING ON CRASH SWEETS JOURNEY!!!

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Boffins demo FIVE MICRON internal combustion engine

Barbarian At the Gates
Pint

Cheers!

Now that's a soldering job I can get behind. Sometimes I require a pint or two in order to "steady my hand" before I have a go at it myself!

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Toshiba opens curtains, reveals air-cushioned 5-terabyte terror

Barbarian At the Gates

My instant erase procedure

1) Insert bare drive in external docking bay.

2) Forget to take proper precautions and turn away for a brief moment

3) Resident feline with nickname of "Catastrophe" demolishes the drive, docking bay, definitely chews the crap out of the cable, and knocks any open drink containers over into your PC vents

It's the only way to be sure...

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NASA promises balloon ride and über precise 'scope pointer for planet-gazing boffins

Barbarian At the Gates

Re: Staggering.

Look at my glass.

Look into filling it with beer.

Now, imagine refilling it each time it becomes empty between now and pub close.

Also staggering...

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Bitcoin value plunges as Mt.Gox halts withdrawals and Russia says 'nyet'

Barbarian At the Gates
Coat

Unleash the dogecoins of war

Sorry, I had to.

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Forget ski-jumping – Russians setting records in Sochi visitor hacking

Barbarian At the Gates

Re: Advise for traveling in Russia or China.

So, the Russians should be worried that when they compromise an American journo's laptop, they may infect themselves with a Trojan while they slurp up data?

Let the Games begin!

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Devs: We'll bury Candy Crush King under HEAPS of candy apps

Barbarian At the Gates

Time for a documentary

Titled 'King Candy Saga' of course

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First China banned Bitcoin. Now its crooks are using malware to steal traders' wallets

Barbarian At the Gates

So, what got stolen?

Bitcoin not being a legally recognized tender effectively makes it no different than, say, "gold mining" in World of Warcraft. Except Bitcoin got rid all those rubbish game mechanics that get in the way.

If a World of Warcraft account gets raided, you appeal to Blizzard and maybe something gets done to redress it.

If someone swipes your Bitcoin data file in a jurisdiction that does not recognize it as legal tender...civil lawsuit and attempt to damages based on...?

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Zuck you! Facebook introduces 'Dislike' button... in Messenger

Barbarian At the Gates
Pint

Sadbook

All the fun went out of Facebook after the drunktards posting selfies moved on

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Apple CEO Cook breaks YEARS OF SILENCE, finally speaks to El Reg hack

Barbarian At the Gates
Trollface

Re: "Best" is not just a word

Best is a sentence because internet.

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Billionaire dumps Apple stock because Steve Jobs was 'really awful' guy

Barbarian At the Gates

It's not that Jobs was a jerk

It's that the jerk died. Got it.

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Tokyo Apple Store staff rescue iPhone-queueing fanbois from typhoon

Barbarian At the Gates

Small favors

At least they had a shower before they came into the store

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Jolla's first Sailfish phone preorders 'fully booked'

Barbarian At the Gates

I wish them luck and good sales

Tough world, the mobile market is. There's room for a market leader, a worthy competitor, and a plucky underdog. I'd say the first two categories are currently taken, hope you Finnish lads and ladies have a good run at the "plucky underdog".

But wouldn't hurt to have the CV in order just in case it all goes pear shaped.

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Dr Dre's Beats plans to drop HTC, hook up with rich mate – report

Barbarian At the Gates
Holmes

Pro tip:

Go into your phone Settings. Check the section under Device, where when you don't have headphones plugged in, the Beats Audio setting is grayed out and shown to be OFF, with the explanation:

"Beats Audio is not available on phone speaker"

So that ringtone sounds great without Beats Audio.

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Study finds online commentards easily duped, manipulated

Barbarian At the Gates
Pint

Wait a second

You mean my account statistics of having attracted 74 upvotes and only 3 downvotes on The Reg forums isn't proof of my winning personality and sterling reputation?

I'm desolated. The only solution is beer.

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Study finds open-source home 3D printer could save $2,000 a year

Barbarian At the Gates

3D Printing stuff you don't need in the first place isn't a savings

Think of all the money we spent to save money on an item we don't actually need!

Makes me want to go out and buy a bunch of stuff that is "50% off This Weekend Only!" I don't need any of that either, but...THINK OF THE SAVINGS!

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For pity's sake: DON'T MOVE to the COUNTRY if you want to live

Barbarian At the Gates

wrapping your motor around a [..] telegraph pole

..."telegraph pole"...

Death by fictional item is always embarrassing for the surviving relatives. I suppose it's less embarrassing than being killed by a Snipe while on a Snipe Hunt.

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Flippin' Equus! Unfeasibly old horse bone DNA triumph

Barbarian At the Gates
Coat

Re: How

> can the first horse have existed 4 million years ago, when the world is only 6000 years old?

Should one subscribe to that particular mythology, there is only one logical conclusion:

There was only God before creation. Horse existed before creation. Therefore God is a horse.

Simple, yet profound.

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Critical Java SE update due Tuesday fixes 40 flaws

Barbarian At the Gates

Write once...

get owned anywhere

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Sony's board debates breaking up with Spider-Man

Barbarian At the Gates
FAIL

Agree with this particular shareholder or not

Sony needs to pull up its britches and make some big boy decisions. They've lost money for years. Made the news recently for having posted a profit for the first time in 5 years(!) this last quarter. Via asset liquidation: selling off a billion dollar building in New York City. Not by anything their business actually produced.

Leadership of the company saying "Trust us, we got a plan" doesn't carry much water here.

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Soylent Corporation prepares to DEFEAT FOOD

Barbarian At the Gates

Thank goodness for snake oil salespersons

If there weren't an endless stream of "revolutionary" and "all natural" and "organic" food products guaranteed to make your wee filled with unabsorbed vitamins and minerals...people would spend their money on truly horrible things.

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Creative Suite cloud lurch crushes beret-wearers' cost-slash bid

Barbarian At the Gates
Trollface

Doing an Elop

Nokia did it with Windows Phone. Apple did it with iMovie Pro. Adobe is doing it with Creative Cloud. It's what all the corporate hipsters do these days.

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Java applets run wild inside Notes

Barbarian At the Gates
Flame

They're honest

They named them Domino servers, because if you give one them a little push, they all fall down.

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Opportunity rover stuck in standby mode after Martian blackout

Barbarian At the Gates
Thumb Up

Best xkcd ever

Thank you for reminding me of one of my favorite xkcd's ever.

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Avoid nasty plugins with this extension, says Google

Barbarian At the Gates
Trollface

Re: software downloads

You ever go to the Chrome Web Store? It's like being told to go to the Windows Store. Except instead of scrolling horizontally, you scroll vertically. On the plus side, both of em have that "sandbox" thing going on.

My cats just love sandboxes!

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Major Dell investor cashes in ALL of its 24.5 million shares

Barbarian At the Gates
Mushroom

We knew the world would not be the same. A few people laughed, a few people cried, most people were silent. I remember the line from the Capitalist scripture, the Free Market Theory. Dell is trying to persuade the Investors that they should do their duty and sell ownership at a lower price and to impress them, takes on his multi-armed buyout form and says: "Now I am become Death, the destroyer of wealth."

I suppose we all thought that, one way or another.

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Spectre of Steve Jobs in one last outing at WWDC

Barbarian At the Gates

Re: *yawn*

Nope, not very long. First Apple device I used was an Apple ][. Maybe Apple will announce an Apple ]|[? Now that would be something...

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Barbarian At the Gates

*yawn*

At this point in the hype-cycle, we would have heard about 15 rumorted new features of the iPhone 6, have leaked information on how the next OS X point release was going to have all kinds of stuff in it.

We would have...if there was any sizzle left in Apple these days.

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Who's a Siri boy, then? Apple hoards your voices for TWO years

Barbarian At the Gates
Black Helicopters

Overlooking the obvious?

Okay. So, they take off so called personally identifiable information after a certain period of time, eh?

But it's still a recording of a punter's voice. Do they run the recording through a voice scrambler of some kind then after 6 months?

I think most people could consider an accurate recording of their voice as potentially being personally identifiable. Potentially identifiable biometric data...

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Stop with that LTE-B nonsense... it's NOT a thing - mobe standards guardian

Barbarian At the Gates

The marketdroids gotta use letters that don't mean anything, see? If they did something sensible, like append the ACTUAL speed of their LTE network as a number after the letters, then they'd be as embarrassed as those blokes referenced in the article, talking about when they'd be delivering the half decade old GSM standard.

Except in this case, they'd be talking about delivering LTE network speeds that are the same from half a decade ago...

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60-inch Apple iTV to be controlled by iRing remote?

Barbarian At the Gates
Facepalm

April fools is only one day, not a full month

A ring? Seriously? I won't believe it until I see it, and even then, I'll just point and laugh. People thought it was silly to have to wear glasses to watch 3D TV content. Wearing a glowy fashion fail just to change the channel is hilarious.

Time to break out the popcorn....

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Swedish linguists nix new word after row with Google

Barbarian At the Gates
Joke

Shedding a few tears over this Google?

Here's a Kleenex, wipe those tears away...

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Furious Stephen Fry blasts 'evil' Reg and 'TW*T' Orlowski

Barbarian At the Gates

Gordon Deitrich

I thought Steven Fry was brilliant playing himself in 'V for Vendetta'

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Tesla vs Media AGAIN as Model S craps out on journo - on the highway

Barbarian At the Gates
Meh

I'm not yet convinced that electric vehicles that rely soley on battery stored energy will ever be practical in temperate to artic climates. Where I live, it's not uncommon to have 10+ days a year in which the temperature exceeds 100F/38C, and round about the same number of days in which temperatures dip below 0F/-20C.

That's pretty much murder for useful battery life, never mind the stresses of rapid charging at those extreme temperatures.

Electrics with gas generators now, those I see on the roads even in the coldest winter days. Shame they burn dead dinosaurs, but maybe someday another form of chemically stored energy will become practical and replace one or both of the current EV power sources.

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Big Windows updates may ship this summer – and every summer

Barbarian At the Gates

Time to think beyond Desktop OS

This subscription/yearly update stuff is crap. That's not what consumers want. Something that works great and does what they need it to is what they want. If it takes you a few years to make something that is so much better that it's worth money again to your customers...good. It's on you to do better if you don't like it.

Adding an ever faster treadmill just reeks of desperation. Make something new that people want. Or you are just greasing your path down the slope on your race to the bottom.

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Profitless internet biz Pinterest seeks $2.5 BILLION valuation

Barbarian At the Gates
FAIL

Great spam service

Someone asked what Pinterest is for. I found out the hard way it's a great way to spam someone with an email service that ignores periods (".") in usernames. i.e. Gmail.

I signed up for a Pinterest account back when it was in beta, tried it for about 2 hours, and couldn't figure out what it might do that I wanted. So, logged out, forgot about it.

Months later, some thumbwitted fool changed the email address for their existing account to one that had the same alphanumeric characters, but different pattern of periods delimiting the various sections (none) @gmail.com. Pinterest sent my email address a confirmation, because Gmail considered both email addresses as being one and the same. Okay, no big deal, right?

Well, the fun part was: Pinterest didn't wait for me respond to the change of email confirmation request to confirm or deny signing over this other person's account to my email address. It just did it. So from then on, I effectively got spammed by Pinbot every time this person had activity on their pin boards. Because they had set their account to be that way. It took me a while to figure out what was going on. Pinterest support was non existent, I only ever got an automated mail response whenever I attempted to notify them of their special account hijacking service. I deleted my Pinterest account, that had no effect whatsoever of course, as it wasn't my Pinterest account that was spamming me, it was this lady with many fine recipes for brownies.

So, the only way out of getting spammed by Pinterest because this lady foisted her account off on my Gmail address would be to essentially hijack her account by logging into Pinterest using 'her' email address, initiating a password reset (which would go to my email address) and take full control of her account. Because Pinterest support couldn't be arsed to even respond to the support request.

I admit, in my darker moments, I've contemplated Pinbot bombing one of my friends with Hello Kitty pinterest boards, see how long it takes him to figure it out...

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Facebook burnout: 61% of users have needed a break

Barbarian At the Gates
Coat

Friends Redefined

This is my favorite survey response:

"[I had] crazy friends. I did not want to be contacted."

But...but...I thought they were your FRIENDS...oh wait, that word means something completely different on Facebook, never mind....

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Apple loses bid to 'cut in line' in Samsung patent dust-up

Barbarian At the Gates

Sliding down the slope to obsolescence

Those that can: do.

Those that can't: sue.

2007 called, they want their chunky rounded corners back. Come on Apple, give us something that gets us excited again

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