* Posts by Kaltern

115 posts • joined 2 Jan 2013

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AUTOPILOT: Musk promises Tesla owners a HANDS-OFF hands-on

Kaltern

We do these things not because they are easy...

...but because they are hard.

Hmm, doesn't really work here does it.

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Web geeks grant immortality to Sir Terry Pratchett – using smuggled web code

Kaltern
FAIL

Downvoting

Someone seems to have a serious Anti-Pratchett problem, and is downvoting almost every post.

To you I say;

Ook.

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Boffins build Cyborg beetles, fly them by remote control

Kaltern

Re: Headline

Unlike wasps. They should die in fire.

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Boffins say Mars had ocean covering 20 per cent of planet

Kaltern

Re: Where did it go?

Earth, most likely.

Either due to some form of natural transportation, or possibly artificial - after all, those Martians obviously needed water, and as Earth, at the time, might not have had any, they needed to move it over there.

Maybe a cosmic version of Pickfords.

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El Reg regains atomic keyring capability

Kaltern

Re: You bastards, the purple ones are gone!

I have a blue one, yours for, shall we say a round £50?

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Kaltern

An elegant keyring for a more civilized age

The Force is strong with these.

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Norton Internet Security antivirus update 'borked Internet Explorer'

Kaltern
Trollface

Antivirus software doing something useful?

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Hello Barbie: Hang on, this Wi-Fi doll records your child's voice?

Kaltern

Re: But does it support WPA2?

I think that's a crucial thing - the answers that are given to a kids question is going to stay with them, and forcing any form of bias implicit in the answer is obviously unacceptable.

What DO you get Barbie to reply to the question 'Where did I come from' or 'Is there a God'? The smart thing is to say 'Oh you should ask Mummy or Daddy for that'... but then it depends on the developer who writes the software ... 'The only true god is Allah - Praise him'.....

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Big Brother in SPAACE: Mars One picks first 100 morons to suffocate, er, settle on Red Planet

Kaltern

Truman

I have this evil idea of extending the Truman Show and combining it with Space Cadets.... so you take these 'moronauts', put them through a year or 2 of vigourous 'training', involving stupid team games and a diary room.

Then after that's finished, pick the first 10 to go to Mars... put them in a 'special capsule' that will eliminate all problems of interstellar travel, including 'artificial gravity', I dunno, spinning the capsule or something. Anyway, there's another 9 months of quality TV, except the diary room would be remote conferencing..

Then after the 9 months, they strap in, let the hydraulics do their thing, bump them around a bit and Congratulations, Welcome to Mars. And then transfer them to a huge Mars Dome, like the Truman Show, only more red.

Dear God, what have I done?

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Amazon's delivery drones SHOT DOWN by new FAA rules

Kaltern
Go

Alternative

Google buys out Amazon, starts fleet of autonomous delivery vans complete with automated robotic delivery system.

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Boffins grasp Big Knob, get ready to go ALL THE WAY at the LHC proton-punisher

Kaltern

LHC

The place where theories just keep going round and round in circles...

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Major US news organisations to develop ROBOT JOURNALISTS

Kaltern

Re: Refreshing

No no, even that would imply bias. Imagine every photo of Inner London being taken with Ludwig.. Bright and crisp? Clean?? See the problem?

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Kaltern
Trollface

Refreshing

I dunno, news being reported by unbiased robo-reporters, recorded accurately and with no personal bias or spin kinda appeals.

Then of course the editors get their hands on the story and spin it right round baby.

Maybe we can have robo-ed's. Maybe El Reg should have a trial with that, after all, editors are just meat-based censorship devices, right?

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WHERE'S WALLY? He's in this algorithm, says developer

Kaltern

To write (poorly crafted) sarcasm on here you mean?

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Undead nights: Zombie FPS Dying Light shines bright

Kaltern

Re: most people

AMD users have been royally screwed with this game, many benchmarks are showing NV/Intel combos are almost double the FPS, which is pretty much unacceptable - there is nothing in the game that is considered system challenging, so it's either a deliberate crippling of AMD hardware, or a bad case of consolitis.

Given that the vast majority of games work fine on AMD hardware, but the most recent of releases are suddenly 'Made for nVidia', and seem to run piss poor on AMD... one has to wonder what's going on.

And no, the AMD CPU's are not THAT crap. If I can play other, demanding games on an AMD 8320/R9 280X with no bother, then this current crop of games should be fine.

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FCC will vote to cut off 41 million broadband users this Thursday*

Kaltern

Re: Good! Can I expect

PRESTEL for the win :D

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SPACE the FINAL FRONTIER: These are the images of COMET PROBE ROSETTA

Kaltern

The image of the comet locations - they're obviously a dog, a tortoise, and an old man about to take a dump.

Space, huh.

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Tat bazaar eBay confirms: THOUSANDS of workers will be AXED

Kaltern

Re: They should...

I bid £1. Hopefully I met the reserve.

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Pull up the Windows 10 duvet and pretend Win8 and Vista were BAD DREAMS

Kaltern

Linux.

I said it once before. Give those less fortunate than ourselves a mostly terminal-free environment and software much easier to install than current tar files, and I would imagine the uptake would be immense.

It's all very well spouting off about how Windows Sucks and why Linux Rocks, but you forget that we are all slightly more intelligent than the vast majority of Minesweeper players, and unless a Linux distro is developed with the same user experience as Windows 7, it'll always be a desktop just for 'geeks and IT Admins' (as someone explained to me recently).

Mint is close, but it isn't quite there yet.

Dare I say, there needs to be a unified 'app store' - much like iOS has (ughh), not repo's spread around everywhere, and linux devs who actually WANT to use it.

Hey, don't look at me like that.... :|

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Broadband isn't broadband unless it's 25Mbps, mulls FCC boss

Kaltern

If this was ever implemented in the EU/UK, BT's bosses would all have simultaneous heart failure.

But yes, I 100% agree with this - there should be something like Wideband and Broadband.

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Space Commanders lock missiles on Elite's Frontier Devs

Kaltern

As much depth as TOWIE.

It wouldn't be so bad if the game has some sort of content.

I bought the early Beta access edition, and I'm not playing it any more.

I LOVED the original Elite, I lived in Frontier, but this... this is just boring. Hell I get 100% more enjoyment out of Euro Truck than this, and that literally is going from one place to another.

I think one of the main issues is the idea that players should have to manually do EVERYTHING. I mean, sure docking is fine, it's old school and you have the option of a docking computer.

But no autopilot when going from one station to another? Why? It's not as if you can click 'A' and then go make a coffee, cos you could be interdicted at any moment, but it sure as hell beats having to make sure you leave SuperCruise at precisely the right moment. It's a manual mechanic that wasn't even going to be IN the final game (it was added after alpha design discussions), so I don't know what was going to be in it's place.

Combat is clunky and slow, the deliberate crippling of yaw movement sounded like a good idea at first, but in practice, it's a forced mechanic that just doesn't make the slightest bit of sense in space. Even with it's many many issues, SC's combat is so much better.

Even the landing procedure is just odd... Ok, I get the reasoning behind there being no keybind for 'Request Docking Permission' - it will make macro-trading a lot more difficult - but it's not hard to overcome, and in the end is just an awkward way of yet again making manual control more prominent.

Mining is pointless.

This game is literally a timesink of the worst kind. If there was a bit more automation for travelling, then it might not be quite so bad. The laughable idea that your ship's navigation computer has absolutely no data on any other system except your starting one, and a couple of others (which I don't understand how or why), unless you purchase them from the map screen (not from Cartography, like you USED to be able to - another convoluted design change), makes no sense to me.

And WHY you get money for 'discovering' stars and planets is beyond me, considering that data for this already exists to buy! Naturally, if you visit a truly unexplored system (which mathematically, you will, if you travel far enough), you SHOULD get paid oodles of credits, and would make exploring worthwhile - but exploring a system WHEN THERE ARE PLAYER SHIPS IN THE SAME AREA is utterly stupid.

Elite is like an egg without a yolk, a sandwich without filling, beer without alcohol.

And it's boring as hell.

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#Gamergate folk load flamethrower, roast own feet over GTA V 'ban'

Kaltern

Re: Sigh.

Yes to a black guy, no to a female character, because it just so happens that the game - indeed the world - doesn't revolve around a woman. Which is probably the main issue here.

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Shoot to THRILL: Assassin's Creed: Unity and Halo: Master Chief Collection

Kaltern

Re: Dear Mr Reviewer.

30fps is NOT smooth ffs, why do people always say that?? Just because game compaines would have you believe it is, 60fps should be the minimum that is accepted as 'smooth', seeing as this is what the human eye is most comfortable with.

Honestly, we're not in the 90's any more, we can do a bit better than Doom.

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Kaltern

Dear Mr Reviewer.

Are you on crack?

Glitches aside, the one thing that is universally abhorred by the gaming community on all platforms is the awful framerate - it barely scratches 30fps, and is usually hovering between 20-30. This makes any game utterly unplayable, so how can such a game get what might be considered a fairly good score?

It's no wonder companies such as Ubi continue to get away with atrocious releases year after year, when reviewers simply can't bring themselves to give them the slating they deserve.

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UK PM Cameron says Internet must not 'be an ungoverned space'

Kaltern

Re: All the same

There will never be a revolution, because those who rise up will be called terrorists. And then shot.

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Blizzard shows off Overwatch – yet another guardians of Earth FPS

Kaltern

woooo

Let's all jump on the latest bandwagon... last season it was MOBA's, before that it was MMORPG's... this season's fashion is MMOFPS.... my god, dare there be any originality within the top publishers imagination... no, just make more of what already exists, in the hope it'll make more money than the others.

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Crooks are using proxy servers to build more convincing phishing sites – new claim

Kaltern

请输入您的信用卡资料到的意见。谢谢

Card: 4971 2500 3665 9987

Expiry 02/18

Postcode: DS1 2TK

Do I win a prize?

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Call of Duty, GTA V DO NOT make YOUTH more VIOLENT

Kaltern
Mushroom

GTA V et al has nothing on...

Manic Miner.

Eugene.

Arrrrgghhhhh!

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FATTIES: Boffins say their miracle sunshine skin cream 'prevents obesity'

Kaltern
Unhappy

Sun seekers

"We know from epidemiology studies that sun-seekers live longer than those who spend their lives in the shade,"

I'm so dead :(

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Trips to Mars may be OFF: The SUN has changed in a way we've NEVER SEEN

Kaltern

Re: Nuclear

Building the reactor externally on say the ISS would be possible, transferring the required materials would be easy, but time consuming (not to mention bloody expensive). I wouldn't recommend building it on Earth and then transporting it - too heavy probably.

Not that I'm any sort of scientist.

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Kaltern

Re: Nuclear

But... in much the same way that radiators, well, radiate heat from one place to another, would it not be possible to transfer heat to the cold of space via an external heatsink - radiate the heat from the source via a radiator of some sort directly outside?

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Kaltern
Mushroom

Nuclear

When you're out in the cold void of space, with numerous life-threatening scenarios just waiting to come through your airlock, the dangers of nuclear power probably take a bit of a backseat.

I wonder if the cooling required for nuclear reactors could involve the void?

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Doctor Who's Flatline: Cool monsters, yes, but utterly limp subplots

Kaltern

FGS

"...watching Clara from some kind of tablet."

It wasn't 'some sort of tablet'. It was an iPad. A Fucking iPad. In the afterlife (or whatever it is), which clearly is NOT in the present day.

Are they implying that Apple is alive and well in whatever millennium they're in, and that the iPad hasn't changed a bit?

God what am I saying? That would imply Apple has imagination....

BBC and Product placement?

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Microsoft to Samsung: COUGH UP $6.9m in unpaid interest over Android PATENT SPAT

Kaltern

Bored

Why not make Apple, Samsung and Microsoft pay each other $10Billion. That should sort everything out once and for all.

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Apple blacklists tech journo following explicit BENDY iPhone vid

Kaltern

iPhone 6 was so badly bent I had to throw it away...

... but it flew right back.

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Japan develops robot CHEERLEADERS which RIDE on BALLS

Kaltern

Daleks have nothing on these, make them big enough with some meaty motors and they could traverse stairs just by rolling up them...

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Ello? ello? ello?: Facebook challenger in DDoS KNOCKOUT

Kaltern

Re: Thwart the competition?

It was simply the FUPS - Facebook User Protection System© kicking in - another social site was potentially stealing their custom.. I mean livesto... sorry, I mean user's detail, and therefore triggered a Safety Barrier system, ensuring that Ello cannot steal any more of their potential prof... sorry, I mean, user's data as Facebook of course keep this very secure and wouldn't want anyone who hasn;t paid... sorry I mean, anyone who shouldn't be seeing it from well, seeing it.

I think I got that right.

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BENDY iPhone 6, you say? Pah, warp claims are bent out of shape: Consumer Reports

Kaltern

Re: Laboratory Street

Downvote me all you want, but the tests that were done on the device were not in any way 'real world' examples of the actual stresses put on a phone in the pocket like people are claiming.

I could prove an egg cannot be broken by testing it's innate strength to support weight, with positive results.

And yes, call me cynical if you wish but I don't believe any organisation, anywhere ever in the world, is free from corruption, self-interest, bribery or suchlike.

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Kaltern
Happy

Laboratory Street

This lab test is brought to you by the words 'Apple' and 'Dollar', and by a very large number indeed.

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Emma Watson should SHUT UP, all this abuse is HER OWN FAULT

Kaltern

Re: It sucks but..

Yup, according to that link, it's very secure indeed.

Maybe Apple could do something with that hotlinking tech... I dunno.

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NASA on Curiosity bot: Mission accomplished (for now at least)

Kaltern

Still rolling... still astounded.

I posted a while ago about how truly amazing it is to see high quality pictures from another planet... I'm still amazed now, and am in utter awe of the minds and hands that designed and built everything to do with this mission...

Our world might be one fucked up place, but Curiosity is enjoying the peace and tranquillity humans can only dream of.

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Apple's Watch is basically electric perfume

Kaltern

Trouble with gadgets, is they used to be able to solve a problem, or show innovation. These days, they seem to invent problems that don't really need solving, and show a serious lack of innovation.

Innovation is in many cases a gamble - will the public actually want to try something new? And these days, gambling is something a lot of companies just can't afford, or are unwilling to do - so we just get rehashes of stuff that sheep bought last year, or things that are slightly different to what we have now - and don't offer anything useful or interesting.

Or, of course, truly world-changing innovation is blocked by mega-corps, afraid that such things would jeopardise their monopoly on the world - look at oil for example - I am convinced we could already have left oil based motor engines behind, but the oil companies can't have that. Cynical? Perhaps, but I know the world we live in.

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Alien Ninja Fembot Pirates vs the Jedi SAS Chuck Norris startroopers: RUMBLE

Kaltern

Hulk Hogan

Because he says his prayers and takes his vitamins. And is a real American. And never loses.

USA! USA! USA!

Brother.

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Boffins attempt to prove the UNIVERSE IS JUST A HOLOGRAM

Kaltern

I'd like an Extra Life then please.

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6 Obvious Reasons Why Facebook Will Ban This Article (Thank God)

Kaltern

Re: MORE FROM THE REGISTER

Already blocked - along with the other ridiculously sized ads on this and other sites. While I understand this is a free site with 'stuff' done by people who get paid, and I also understand that revenue needs to be generated somehow, I don't need huge ads in my face everytime I look around.

And have you ever tried Digital Spy? Since they were taken over by some magazine company, the advertising is utterly insane.

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Vampires and Ninjas versus the Alien Jedi Robot Pirates: It's ON

Kaltern

The One. Neo. Or Agents. Hmm... tough choice...

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NASA's rock'n'roll shock: ROLLING STONE FOUND ON MARS

Kaltern

Rock Simulator is about to get an expansion pack...

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ANU boffins demo 'tractor beam' in water

Kaltern

Re: So, the Empire starts in Australia

Never understood the difficulty of making a space elevator... just get an old satellite, tie a bit of heatproofed rope to it and jump off back to Earth - tie to post - job done. How hard can it be? *insert troll face here*

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Man FOUND ON MOON denies lunar alien interface

Kaltern

I'm disappointed in you fellow commentards, failing to recognise a quote from a classic movie... :(

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Kaltern

Fifteen hundred years ago everybody knew the Earth was the center of the universe. Five hundred years ago, everybody knew the Earth was flat, and fifteen minutes ago, you knew that humans were alone on this planet.

Imagine what you'll know tomorrow.

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