* Posts by Nolveys

82 posts • joined 6 Nov 2012

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Jeep Cherokee 2.2: Capable, comfortable ... but just not very Jeep

Nolveys
Mushroom

All Fixed

European models have a different modem and that it's safe from that sort of knavery.

I wasn't aware that the modem was where the "infotainment" system connected to the brake/steering/engine control systems. But, hey, they're the experts.

It's happy to know that everything is safe.

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Canadians taking to spying on their spies

Nolveys

Re: The PM in Canada has same powers as PM in UK

we aren't part of the USA.

Someone should tell that to Stephen Harper.

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Win8 inventory glut? Yep, it's all Microsoft's fault, says HP

Nolveys
Trollface

HP Computers

They're HP computers, just take them to the landfill. It's not like they cost anything to make and they'll all be at the dump within a year anyhow.

Dump the ones with Windows 10 installed too, it will save consumers the hassle.

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Adulterers antsy as 'entire' Ashley Madison databases leak online

Nolveys
Holmes

Politicians

I wonder how many politicians are in there. Canada is having a federal election in two months and supposedly 1 in 5 Ottawa residents are in the database, could make things interesting.

I wonder what the stats are for Washington, DC (after filtering out all of the redundant Clinton accounts).

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A magic bracelet that unlocks PCs, dancing robot spiders, and more in Intel's circus

Nolveys

Re: Are Bracelets Better Than Fingerprint Scanners?

IPCurious: A bracelet that authorises you and forgets the code when it's unlatched

I guess that answers that question.

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Nolveys
Meh

Are Bracelets Better Than Fingerprint Scanners?

I guess that I wouldn't *have* to sever the hand to get the bracelet...but I already bought a nice stun gun and a meat cleaver.

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Microsoft replaces Windows 10 patch update, isn't saying why

Nolveys

Windows 11, or will that be 12 ... probably won't be 13, they might jump to 3000.

In order to emphasize the excellent touch interface they'll also have to change the name from Windows to "Touchsperience" to get "Microsoft Touchsperience 3000", or "mst3k" for short.

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Nolveys

Middle English: from Old French pardun (noun), pardoner (verb), from medieval Latin perdonare ‘concede, remit,’ from per- ‘completely’ + donare ‘give.’

We should probably change "pardon" to "freedom forgive".

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Rambus decides to enter the semiconductor chip manufacturing game

Nolveys
Stop

Nope

I will not be touching *anything* with components from Rambus. No chance, no way, no how.

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Oracle pulls CSO's BONKERS anti-bug bounty and infosec rant

Nolveys
Trollface

Re: Oracle - the people who brought you Java

Actually they bought it, but they definitely own it.

Everyone owns Java. "Own" is spelt with a "p", yes?

Hey, Mary, that 3% of bugs are the exact same 3% that The Wrong People will most likely find, you silly twit.

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Boffins' audacious plan to blow up aircraft foiled by bomb-proof bag

Nolveys
Boffin

Not mentioned in the article...

When used the bag expands to occupy approximately 300 cubic meters. Passengers wearing seat belts will find themselves pinned to their seats while unbuckled passengers will usually find themselves sharing the window seat with several other people. The bag takes about 17 hours to deflate and makes a sound like a very loud whoopee cushion.

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The Ruskies are coming for you, NSA director tells City bankers

Nolveys
Trollface

Admiral Rogers offered a grim warning: "We're in a world now where despite your best efforts, you must prepare for and assume that you will be penetrated."

That wouldn't be "Rear Admiral Rogers", would it?

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Microsoft sprints to finish, emits possible Windows 10 RC build

Nolveys
Gimp

Re: So on the 30th...

I can think of at least 2 companies in my area going forward with this, untested, untried......

Why does this make me think about the hospital scene from "Jacob's Ladder"?

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Sixty-five THOUSAND Range Rovers recalled over DOOR software glitch

Nolveys
Go

Re: As I've commented previously

a big red STOP button...you have to guard against accidental presses

There are times when you definitely don't want a guard on the big red stop button.

I used to work at a company that manufactured mining equipment. Think big, four-wheeled tractors covered with 1/4" plate with oddball equipment attached to them. At this company there was a worker there who was famous for doing things like falling through ceilings, almost electrocuting himself, impaling random things with forklifts, etc.

One day he decided that he needed to move one of the mining machines. He started it up, immediately lost control of it and had it speeding on a collision course with one of the bay doors. Luckily he thought to hit the Big Red Button, you know, the Big Red Button that causes an explosion of fire retardant. And through the door it went.

That was a good day.

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Microsoft's Surface Hub mega-slab DELAYED 'cause you demanded it

Nolveys
Devil

I like to think that the guy in the picture is holding a normal permanent marker.

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Someone at Subway is a serious security nerd

Nolveys
Trollface

Writing password complexity verifiers is pure joy. You start with a list of rules, there must be a number here, a capital here, a non-letter-or-number here, etc. Then, when the user tries to set a password, you tokenize the password into capital letters, lower case letters, numbers and other character groups.

You then iterate the rules over each token until one of the rules fails (which is guaranteed to happen for all but one rule for each token). Then you return an error message to the user describing the failed rule and the position at which the rule failed (but not subsequent rule failures, as those have yet to be determined and if they had stating them would ruin the fun). At this point the first rule is thus decided and we are ready to start the next attempt, thereby determining the next rule. If there is only one token then an arbitrary next rule can be selected.

As the number of attempts is arbitrary it needs to be set to some value. I find that four is the correct number for things that people don't care about and will abandon if password verification fails too many times. Things that people really need to access can usually be set to ten.

My goal is to hit forty.

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KERR-PAO! Reddit interim CEO Ellen quits amid Redditor revolt

Nolveys
Holmes

So Familiar

Is it just me or does Ellen bare a striking resemblance to a certain other Internet celebrity?

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Canuck chump cuffed over helium balloon flying chair stunt

Nolveys

Re: Go Calgary!

"Little"? With a population of 1.2 million, it's the fourth largest city in Canada.

I know, I live just outside of Calgary. :) It seems little in terms of international news; Toronto, Montreal and Vancouver always seem to grab the headlines. Also, the population density doesn't give it much of a big city feeling.

I guess it's big in some ways, it's got 70% of the land area of New York city (and 1/8th the population). It sure has vast and unending suburban sprawl. It also seems big when you're driving through it since none of the roads actually go anywhere.

At least the road names are descriptive: IMG_1809.jpg

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Nolveys
Meh

Go Calgary!

This is the second time the little town of Calgary, Alberta has made international news this year. The first time was when a creationist found a 60 million year old fish fossil in his backyard (put there by God, 4,500 years ago).

Now we have someone using balloons and a lawn chair to play chicken with passenger airliners in order to sell some surface cleaner. I wonder how well that cleaner works at cleaning dried human bodily fluid off of aluminium.

What's next, people breaking into the Zoo at night so they can climb into the tiger enclosure?

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Awoogah: Get ready to patch 'severe' bug in OpenSSL this Thursday

Nolveys
Facepalm

LibreSSL?

I'll be very interested to see if this problem effects LibreSSL as well as OpenSSL.

I'll have to be sure to have this queued up for Thursday: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gqg3l3r_DRI

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Les Américains order a MEEELLION doughnuts ... from French baker

Nolveys
Mushroom

Re: how the baker is going to deliver

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Project_HARP

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China hacks 'everything that doesn't move' says Hilary Clinton

Nolveys
Alert

That Must Be Where All Those Emails Went!

It was those wascally Chinese!

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'The server broke and so did my back on the flight to fix it'

Nolveys
Devil

And The CEO Was Dead

“I drove up to the new plant and pulled into the parking lot nearly running over the CEO."

Am I a bad person for wishing that "nearly" was a comma instead?

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Rampaging fox terrorises rural sports club, victim sustains ‘tweaked groin’

Nolveys
Mushroom

The beast was "eventually caught and destroyed"

The group stood around the corpse of their former tormentor. After being stabbed, electrocuted, burned, frozen, gassed, driven over, lit on fire, crushed, drowned, shot with 17 magnum slugs from a 12 gauge and finally decapitated it seemed that the ordeal was over.

Dirk Buckner rested the shotgun on his shoulder as returned his jungle knife to its sleeve. Turning to leave he suddenly stopped dead in his tracks as his eyes widened and the blood drained from his face. There before him it stood, with madness in its eyes and saliva dribbling from its lips.

Dirk screamed his final scream as the aardvark lept into the air, raging and feral.

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Boffin: Will I soon be able to CLONE a WOOLLY MAMMOTH? YES. Should I? Hell NO

Nolveys

Re: As it turns out...

We were also surprised by their bipedal walking style, tool use and tendency to wear giant top hats.

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GM's cheaper-than-Tesla 'leccy car tested at batt-powered data centre

Nolveys
Trollface

Way Ahead Of Tesla

The power saving features of GM electric vehicles are far more developed than those of their Tesla counterparts. For instance, energy savings of up to 100% can be achieved by automatically terminating all power while merging onto a busy highway.

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Man in India claims his new iPhone 6 combusted in his car

Nolveys
Mushroom

The Real Reason For This

Thamuel L Jacthson wath juth running a few teths.

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Condoleezza to China: 'The rules' mean cyber-spying isn't allowed

Nolveys
Trollface

Credit Where It's Due

Condoleezza Rice is pretty good, but John Cleese is still better.

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It's 2015 and hackers can hijack your Windows PC if you watch a web video

Nolveys
Terminator

Active Directory Federation Services Vulnerability

Captain Picard: "Computer, does this vulnerability effect your systems?"

Computer: "Com-meh-meh, does this vul-meh-meh-meh effect your meh-meh-meh? Oh, what? I can't hear you over the sound of the bridge atmosphere being evacuated into space. Nice head, do you know what it reminds me of? Data, execute the 'Larry, Curly and Moe' routine on the captain. All crew, retrieve flippers, diving masks and snorkels from the nearest replicator and report to the cargo bay! Saucer section separate! Ramming speed!"

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Undetectable NSA-linked hybrid malware hits Intel Security radar

Nolveys
Black Helicopters

I wonder about having something non-reprogrammable that sits right at the front end of the SATA interface on the hdd controller and that passes everything through to the regular controller, except for one command which would cause it to return a checksum of the firmware.

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'Stolen' art found on nearby shelf. Police keep looking anyway

Nolveys
Windows

It's Like That In Lots Of Places

...a system in which her predecessors voraciously acquired collections for the library, but didn’t keep records to accompany them.

I would imagine almost everyone here has worked at a place like that at one time or another, exchanging "collections" for "random crap" and "for the library" for "to cram into wherever it would fit".

I remember one computer repair room that was inherited from someone who had left after 15 years, when he was done with something he would just dump it at one end of the room. Gradually removing the refuse took months. Digging down into the heap was like going backward in time, it felt like we were on an archeological dig. We even found a 2.5m x 1m table and a set of shelves that were completely obscured when we started, the shelves fell off the wall when the load-bearing piles of filth and MFM hard drives were removed.

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FBI: Apple and Google are helping ISIS by offering strong crypto

Nolveys
Big Brother

Gee, Mike, maybe you should talk to your friends in the DoD about supporting the establishment of the "Salafist Principality" in order to overthrow Syria. Ya know, these things don't always work out so well.

Also, Mike, I should let you know that I trust you about as much as I would trust a starving, rabid rottweiler if I was trapped in a room with it.

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HP haters: Get ready to rage against THE MACHINE 'next year'

Nolveys
Trollface

HP has also proposed changes to their PC manufacturing processes that would result in much higher QA. The plan is to go to the end of each assembly line and install a massive dumpster.

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Couple sues estate agent who sold them her mum's snake-infested house

Nolveys

Re: "Broseker is Van Horn's mother"?

I see a problem with your plan, seeing as the snakes were introduced in order to get rid of the rats.

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Nolveys
IT Angle

It came to pass that the Brooks were given a full refund and went on to purchase a lovely bungalow.

And then came the wolves.

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Windows 10 upgrade ADWARE forces its way on to Windows 7 and 8.1

Nolveys
Mushroom

Re: You Know Windows 10 Is Going To Be Good...

support split as consumers vs. enterprise with consumers as guinea-pigs. From both an engineering and economic view it makes sense.

Using "customers" as cannon fodder is clearly the way to increase market share. When small business users are looking at that new phone with the exact same interface they remember from when they clicked the "get free stuff" button and broke all their weird-ass software they'll think "Yes! I want to have that wonderful experience again!"

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to the primate exhibit at the zoo. I have to install a handgun dispenser.

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Nolveys
Windows

You Know Windows 10 Is Going To Be Good...

...because Microsoft has to force it down users throats with an industrial pile driver.

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Naked cyclists take a hard line on 'aroused' protest participant

Nolveys
Gimp

The police should have just given him a spanking right there on the spot.

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Hardcore creationist finds 60-million-year-old fossils in backyard ... 'No, it hasn’t changed my mind about the Bible'

Nolveys

The Earth was created in 6 days and has between 4 and 6 thousand years of real natural history. For the rest of the 4.5 billion years it's been out on warranty.

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BRAIN STORM: Nine mislaid cerebra found near railway line in New York

Nolveys
WTF?

So, which city will have the next body part appearing?

There are always more feet to be found on the coast of BC, Canada.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Salish_Sea_human_foot_discoveries

However, of all the things I've lost I miss my mind the most.

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Your CAR is the 'ultimate mobile device', reckons Apple COO

Nolveys
Trollface

"Powered by Microsoft"

Wasn't that the anti-theft system?

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Don't PANIC but ... UNSTOPPABLE robots IMMUNE to injury built by boffins

Nolveys
Terminator

You can blow a limb off and it's still 86% combat effective. But here's a tip: Aim for the nerve stem and put it down for good.

Would you like to know more?

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Self-STOPPING cars are A Good Thing, say motor safety bods

Nolveys

Re: Speed limit reduction

I bought a Volvo after the salesman challenged me to run him over in the dealership car park, a task I attempted with gusto but ultimately failed at.

That's why you swerve around him, keeping him on the driver's side and open the car door at just the right time.

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ISS 'naut: How we collect our POO and DROP it FLAMING on hapless Earthlings

Nolveys
Windows

Re: Seems Wasteful

Sterilising poo is actually quite simple though, heat and/or UV light will do the trick...

The really tricky part would be the wine pairing.

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Nolveys
Alien

Seems Wasteful

If they can recycle urine...

Mine's the one with the hydroponics bay with the odd smell.

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Mildly successful flying car crashes - in mildly successful test flight

Nolveys

Planes, Planes, Planes!

Planes for everybody, even the children! And a concrete bunker for me.

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SpaceX Dragon crew capsule in 'CHUTE ABORT drama – don't panic, no one died

Nolveys
Boffin

Zero to 100mph in 1.2 seconds

I got a hernia just reading that.

Huge kudos to the SpaceX, they keep blowing my mind with the coolness of their stuff and the excellence of their success record.

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Zuck'ed up: Facebook opens up free internet in India – but bans HTTPS

Nolveys
Pint

Re: Worst of both worlds

I don't recall AOL giving away internet access packages for free.

There are about 100,000 cubic meters of landfill that would like to have a word with you.

Beer...to go with the coasters.

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Why should I learn by ORAL tradition? Where's the DOCUMENTATION?

Nolveys
Happy

Writing Documentation

Writing documentation is difficult and boring. The best way to go about it is to search the internet for a similar (but better) system and then to google translate the manual from English to English via Russian and Chinese. Then do quick skim and replace certain terms in order to make it seem that the documentation actually pertains to the in-house system. Pictures should be deleted, pixelated or replaced with random screenshots. The last step is to change the name of the author to the last person who was fired or quit.

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This is Sparta? No - it's Microsoft Edge, Son of Internet Explorer

Nolveys
Windows

Microsoft Marketing

"Spartan" sounds lean and capable, I liked it.

"Microsoft Edge" sounds pretentious and makes me want to punch Joe Belfiore in the face.

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