* Posts by Nolveys

34 posts • joined 6 Nov 2012

Why should I learn by ORAL tradition? Where's the DOCUMENTATION?

Nolveys
Happy

Writing Documentation

Writing documentation is difficult and boring. The best way to go about it is to search the internet for a similar (but better) system and then to google translate the manual from English to English via Russian and Chinese. Then do quick skim and replace certain terms in order to make it seem that the documentation actually pertains to the in-house system. Pictures should be deleted, pixelated or replaced with random screenshots. The last step is to change the name of the author to the last person who was fired or quit.

11
0

This is Spartan? No, it's Microsoft Edge, Son of Internet Explorer

Nolveys
Windows

Microsoft Marketing

"Spartan" sounds lean and capable, I liked it.

"Microsoft Edge" sounds pretentious and makes me want to punch Joe Belfiore in the face.

25
1

Learn yourself hireable: Top tips for improving your tech appeal

Nolveys

Another thing that helps is 7 years of experience with a product that has been out for 3. At least, that's what all the job ads seem to be looking for. Does 5 months count if it felt like 7 years?

0
0

Microsoft uses Windows Update to force Windows 10 ads onto older PCs

Nolveys
Megaphone

Once a week they should lock Satya Nadella in a small room for about 10 hours with a 150dB loudspeaker system that repeats "NOBODY WANTS THIS RUBBISH" again and again.

8
0

NetApp layoffs loom as biz 'operationalizes strategy', 'prioritizes investments'

Nolveys
Headmaster

Not going to work.

Simple strategic operationalization isn't going to cut it in this case, they'll need to synergistically operationalize their strategic portfolio paradigm if they want to make headway.

By the way, where's the bullshit icon?

8
0

Barry Obama declares national emergency over foreign hackers

Nolveys
Mushroom

Law-abiding companies...

...have absolutely nothing to worry about.

Whenever someone in the government says not to worry...

14
0

AI guru Ng: Fearing a rise of killer robots is like worrying about overpopulation on Mars

Nolveys
Mushroom

Nothing to worry about...unless you're a brown person and live in a country with a lot of oil under the ground.

I chose the freedom and liberty icon.

3
4

'Just a kid' Zuck's word is his bond ... but NOT in his backyard, lawsuit claims

Nolveys
Childcatcher

Re: Markie Sugar town Cannot be Trusted

The whole point of having a socialized education system is to allow every children the opportunity to realize their full potential.

I thought it was to produce obedient factory workers.

9
2

Microsoft: You'll get the next Windows 10 build when we're GOOD AND READY

Nolveys
Trollface

"It was validated by our test automation."

KERNEL TEAM TESTS

kernel_stability_test ok

kernel_speed_test ok

ntfs_stability_test ok

ntfs_speed_test ok

networking_stability_test ok

networking_speed_test ok

TIFKAM OR WHATEVER IT IS TEAM TESTS

user_interface_layout_randomization_test ok

user_time_spent_doing_basic_things_increased_test ok

networking_bollocked_by_home_setting_test ok

user_infuriation_simulation_test ok

INTERNET EXPLORER TEAM TESTS

bugs_from_90s_still_work_in_certain_situations_test ok

css_compliance_almost_test ok

annoying_stuff_and_horrible_defaults_on_initial_startup_test ok

fuck_it ok

23
6

We have no self-control: America's most powerful men explain why they're scared of email

Nolveys
Paris Hilton

It may not have occurred to them that the very fact they are unable to introduce reason and critical reflection before responding is why they are unlikely to ever become president.

I think that the author may have misunderestimated US voters.

16
0

In assault on American values, Lockheed BLASTS PICKUP with RAYGUN

Nolveys
Thumb Up

Re: @Chemist

It's comments like these that make the El Reg comment section such a pleasure.

13
0

Canadian bloke refuses to hand over phone password, gets cuffed

Nolveys

Re: CAN$25,000 (US$19,900)

Moreover, the Dominion of Canada is a British colony. Fines there should be expressed in pounds, shillings, pence and beaver pelts.

46
3

CONFIRMED: Tiny Windows Server is on the way

Nolveys
Windows

Could be okay...

It could be okay, assuming that it doesn't suck and doesn't break the bank.

All I really want out of Windows (ANY Windows) is for the OS to load programs into memory and run them with the smallest amount of farting about possible. TIFKAM can piss right off, in fact almost all of the user space filth in 8, 7, 2008, 2003 and even XP can piss right off as well.

I'm still using XP images in VMs because 7 eats too much disk. If this eats less disk (or even slightly more), has less-or-comparable bullshit going on and has the updated security of more recent Redmond offerings then it might be worth giving a try.

Lots of "if"s, "and"s and definitely butts. We shall see.

5
3

'NSA, GCHQ-ransacked' SIM maker Gemalto takes a $500m stock hit

Nolveys
Big Brother

Works For Me

I feel bad for Gemalto, but I think the only way that the situation with NSA can possibly reach any sort of sanity is if their shenanigans end up messing with corporate bottom lines. It's not as if the NSA has any interest in public opinion and, even if they did, most Americans seem to be a-okay with whatever their government does in the name of "security".

19
0

French minister: Hit Netflix, Google, Apple et al with bandwidth tax

Nolveys

What are these people on?

It's a mix of PCP, cocaine and a dash of LSD. I believe that the street name for it is "government".

10
1

Keyless vehicle theft suspects cuffed after key Met Police, er, 'lockdown'

Nolveys
Stop

Unstealable

Someone tried to steal my car once, I found his corpse sitting next to the driver door. The poor thing had died of embarrassment.

Mine's the one from 1997 with the half-missing Dodge Neon logo and a muffler grafted on with a soup can and two ring clamps.

0
0

Port authority: Belkin Thunderbolt 2 Express Dock

Nolveys
Mushroom

It's a Belkin

The smoke and possibly fire must have been photo-shopped out of the images in the article. I understand that Belkin's quality is improving though, today over 30% of their products reach their final shipping destinations without experiencing "excessive" levels of combustion.

By the way, does anyone here know the link between Belkin and Lucas Industries? I know there must be one.

3
0

BOO! Grave remote-code exec flaw in GNU C Library TERRIFIES Linux

Nolveys
Unhappy

Not Again

This one is going to be particularly hard to fix, what with this giant cartoon blow fish floating behind me and making coughing noises all the time.

2
18

What gets the internet REALLY excited? Kittens? No. EXPLODING Kittens

Nolveys
Headmaster

I don't know that christmas was "invented". It sort of accreted from a bunch of different holidays/celebrations/festivals/religious rites into one thing.

I thought they were all the winter solstice dressed up in different hats, fake glasses and moustaches.

12
0

Why so tax-shy, big tech firms? – Bank of England governor

Nolveys
Happy

Carney previously spent 13 years at the investment bank Goldman Sachs.

"Everything I did at Goldman Sachs could be replaced by technology - which tells you everything and why I had to leave,"

I didn't realize that the processes of leveraging paper gold 100-to-one, selling mortgages on million-dollar homes owned by McDonald's employees as tripple-A assets, illegally sharing information with the FED and doing everything possible to bankrupt every large institution in the Western world had been completely automated.

What an age we live in.

2
1

Solar-powered bra maker suffers 20,000 TITSUPs all at once

Nolveys
Gimp

New-Age Flim-Flam!

Real bras are powered by the internal combustion engine.

5
0

Countless Belkin routers go TITSUP in massive mystery meltdown

Nolveys
Mushroom

Hard To Diagnose

The difference between functional and broken Belkin hardware is infinitesimal. I wonder how they noticed this issue. Perhaps large groups of Belkin routers inexplicably started routing traffic properly?

From experience I do know how to tell if a Belkin UPS is working properly. If all the equipment attached to the UPS is on fire and the UPS's transformer is performing a china syndrome then the unit is operating according to specification.

The above little tidbit of knowledge isn't of much use anymore as Belkin stopped manufacturing UPSes after their last factory worker was transferred to the QA department and was promptly electrocuted.

34
0

New Snowden leak: US and Brit spooks 'tap into German telco networks to map end devices'

Nolveys
Thumb Up

Just Good Business

I'm sure that news like this has non-US corporations across the globe clambering to move their IT infrastructure to US cloud services.

20
0

Look, no client! Not quite: the long road to a webbified Vim

Nolveys
Thumb Up

Script tag *does* have a type field.

> pick one of the many excellent languages that exist already and making it run in the browser?

I dream of the day that '<script type="text/python">' is supported.

2
0

Price cuts, new features coming for Office 365 small biz customers

Nolveys
Trollface

Price Metrics

I wonder what the before and after prices would look like expressed in dollars per uptime.

3
1

Warrantless snooping on American man was LEGAL in terrorism case, rules US judge

Nolveys
Thumb Up

El Reg needs to update their dictionaries, the correct word for "terrorist" and "terrorism" is now "terror".

Why should police need warrants when they are hunting terror people and their terror bombs in their terror trucks? If there's a terror person in a house (possibly a terror house) the police should just kick the doors in and lay down some freedom and liberty. Should it turn out that there were no terror people in the allegedly-not-terror house then the occupants should be happy and relieved that they are terror free. Why involve a judge? Judges just cause more harm than good anyway.

Magna Carta? More like Magna Farta if you ask me.

0
1

Feds crack down harder on 'lasing'. Yep, aircraft laser zapping... Really

Nolveys
IT Angle

Re: 14 years?

> I have a hard time believing that it's cheaper to incarcerate individuals for the purposes of manufacturing license plates than it would be to hire a factory in china/taiwan/s.korea to stamp them out.

Cheaper for whom? Unkie Sam and his unlimited credit? The towns who petition to have prisons opened in or near them for employment purposes? The private corporations who are paid by the government and get their own private work forces out of it? Law enforcement/the courts, who get to keep that cheddar wagon rolling with a constant stream of non-violent drug offenders who get put away again and again?

The prison industry in the US is so far off the reservation that it doesn't remember what it looks like. At least it's consistent with every other aspect of the modern day US economy.

Mind, shooting a laser at a commercial airliner with 100s of people on it is a right arse thing to do, definitely worthy of some stern treatment. I think it's time for someone to develop a laser-guided anvil.

5
0

Microsoft's developer conference sells out at $2,095 per head

Nolveys
Thumb Up

If You Don't Like The Surface...

There's a little booth in the back with a sign that reads "The Windows Experience". There you can trade your Surface in for a bottle of Everclear and four hours with a hermaphroditic prostitute.

2
0

Whatever happened to telepresence? From $2.5m deals to free iPad apps

Nolveys

Re: Why?

> at the end of the day smoke and mirrors would probably do as well.

Our company uses images of black monoliths with two-digit integers and the words "AUDIO ONLY" emblazoned in red.

2
0

Dell buyout stalled by Microsoft, low takeover price?

Nolveys
Thumb Up

Mission Accomplished

I'd like to take this opportunity to thank the DOJ and Justice Jackson for excellent handling of the Microsoft antitrust proceedings and the application of the settled upon remedies. Due to your outstanding achievements in the field of excellence we will never again have to worry about Microsoft stifling competition through unfair, immoral and downright illegal business practices.

0
0

Titsup Windows 8 PayPal payments snare upgraders

Nolveys
Windows

Poor bastards,

I think that Steve Buscemi should play them some violin music.

0
0

Texan schoolgirl expelled for refusing to wear RFID tag

Nolveys
Thumb Up

I'd think this was a wonderful system...

...if I were a pedophile.

0
0

HORNY ALIEN vegetarian monsters once ROAMED CANADA

Nolveys
Stop

HORNY ALIEN vegetarian monsters once ROAMED CANADA

How is this news? Horny alien vegetarian monsters still roam the Vancouver area, they're not even hard to find.

0
0

In the loop: how Halo defined a new decade of first-person shooters

Nolveys
Windows

Re: Re: What he said

>It didn't merely 'just scrape' previously seen elements, it carefully combined and polished them.

Yup, the one thing that you can say about the recycled mediocrity that is Halo is that it's polished to a mirror sheen. I guess that the statement "Halo defined a new decade of first-person shooters" is valid after all, just as valid as "McDonald's has defined decades of American 'cuisine'".

1
0

Forums