* Posts by king of foo

351 posts • joined 2 Oct 2012

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Ugly, incomplete, buggy: Windows 10 faces a sprint to the finish

king of foo
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Re: I still shudder...

Finally, the time has come.

2015 will be the year of windows on the desktop.

No, wait, that can't be right!

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We take bots down, but they get up again – you're never going to keep them down

king of foo
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Re: When will the NSA do their damn jobs?

They're too busy re-watching those cat videos you watched on YouTube 8 years ago and reading all your spam from 2012 in case it mentions tourism to focus on anything else. Then they have to do a load of paperwork so it looks like they had genuine cause to suspect you of tourism.

So obsessed are they by tourism that I even saw a "honeypot" advert on tv here in the UK the other day. You guys are so desperate to catch tourists you've started advertising California as a tourism hotspot. They even dragged Conan the barbarian out of retirement to do a cheesy grin and recommend travelling by "choppa".

So, arguably, by targeting tourists the NSA are protecting your economy from foreigners spending all their money holidaying in Europe, but if all your resorts are like "Gitmo" then I don't think you'll get many repeat visitors...

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Powering the Internet of Stuff – by sucking electricity from TREES

king of foo
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whatever happened to

Humans as batteries? Worked in the matrix.

Being a bat fastard I long for an implant that harvests the power of bacon so it ends up fueling my devices rather than my waistline.

"No love, you look positively skinny in that outfit. Hey, your mobile's getting low, here, eat this bacon butty."

Sod curing cancer, cure bacon instead.

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Regin super-malware has Five Eyes fingerprints all over it says Kaspersky

king of foo
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Terminator

DEFENCE

Genius. I wonder if The Black Death started out in a similar vein...

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FTC to Internet of Stuff: Security, motherf****r, do you speak it?

king of foo
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Re: I would like to offically declare

New identity protocol required.

ID-IOT

That is all.

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YouTube flushes Flash for future flicks

king of foo
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Ming the Merciless

Every thousand years, I test each life system in the Universe. I visit it with mysteries, earthquakes, unpredicted eclipses, strange craters in the wilderness... If these are taken as natural, I judge that system ignorant and harmless - I spare it. But if the Hand of Ming is recognized in these events, I judge that system dangerous to us. I call upon the great god Dyzan, and for his greater glory...

[leans forward, smiling]

... and for our mutual pleasure...

[leans back again]

... I destroy it utterly.

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GRENADE! Project Zero pops pin on ANOTHER WINDOWS 0-DAY

king of foo
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Re: The origin of patch Tuesday

C. I like patches that don't **** up more than they fix. B is a nice to have. A seems a bit daft. One does not NEED to install a patch as soon as it is available but it would be better to have the OPTION to do so.

I suspect A actually results in more bad patches; in order to squeeze in a patch to a particular time table there will invariably be new things landing at the last minute with significantly less time to test.

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Google unleashes build-it-yourself 'Ara' SLABLET phones (in Puerto Rico)

king of foo
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Re: No way, no how

I want one. But, like Lego, think big. Modular smartphone, clickety, modular tablet, clickety, laptop, clickety, desktop, clickety drone, clickety nuclear warhead...

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Stop viewing Facebook at work says Facebook at work on Facebook at Work

king of foo
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beep, beep-beep, ring-ring, cough, poke, slap, OY! YOU! TALK TO ME! NOW! RAAAAAAAAAAaaAAAAAaaaaa

When exactly are people supposed to get any work done with all these communication channels pouring spam at us 24/7?

I check my primary inbox and respond to 2 emails when my mobile beeps (OK, it makes a dialup modem noise but you get the idea) so I read the SMS and am about to pick the landline up to call the messager back when my mobile rings (plays the theme tune from Monty Python...) and it's someone else needing help with something. During the phone call another 10 new emails drop in and I'm conscious that a small queue has formed behind me in the open plan office of people actually wanting to talk to me in person. An hour of "chatting" later I get back to that second email as I hadn't managed to click "send". As soon as it's clicked another email lands informing me someone assigned me a "case" in salesforce.com. It's actually a meeting invite, which I add to my outlook calendar. Then I notice some red "tasks" someone assigned me so I start reading and one of the secretaries hands me a stack of snail mail. I raise my hand to receive said envelopes and the landline rings...

No. I don't want Facebook for work tyvm. I want a little peace and quiet to get some ****** work done!

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This $10 phone charger will wirelessly keylog your boss

king of foo
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Re: Wires FTW

Wireless keyboards and mice in offices confuse me, especially when coupled with docking stations.

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Lollipop licked: KitKat still king in Android land

king of foo
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Re: HAL

My god, a NEXUS6/HAL9000 hybrid? We're all DOOMED!

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king of foo
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Re: Anonymous fandroid coward

I echo your sentiment :)

Manufacturers + distributors should be rated based on their commitment to ota IMHO, then be forced to advertise that rating prominently at pos.

Consumers are capable of making educated choices. In 2011 I suspect that meant buying an XP PC or a Mac rather than something with half the ram it needed to function!

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BAN email footers – they WASTE my INK, wails Ctrl+P MP

king of foo
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Re: can we ban printers instead?

Hmmm. 9 by default, but a senior exec can use the single 24 pin variant if he/she wants to feel special.

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king of foo
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can we ban printers instead?

For stuff you absolutely cannot live without on paper, ressurrect the awe and wonder of the dot matrix... Ah, that beautiful screachy sound... and that greenish paper...

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Hey look! Microsoft's workforce isn't all white men

king of foo
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Re: Diverse != Good

Agreed; I just want the best person for the job to get the job. MS could be 100℅ Orsimer for all I care.

I always refuse to state my age, race, gender or religious stance on corporate crap anyway, and I can't be the only person to do so. No, wait, I did once claim to be an "other" (Green) woman in her 80's who worshipped the Devil, but that was just on my job application.

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Lizard Squad gang moves from PlayStation, Xbox Live attacks to Tor

king of foo
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Re: the tablets will save us...

Hmmm. I'm not so sure. I'm no 1337 H4XX0R but surely for the "perfect" ddos you'd want as many distinct attack vectors as possible spread as far across the globe as you can get them. That's not how most cloud services work is it? (single badass data centre with enough cooling to start the next ice age). Actually "hacking" and poisoning the vm's being used would theoretically give you the volume, but not the spread. A few thousand "clever" fridges or toasters could do far more damage imho, especially if enterprising crims were to subvert the production process.

I can't see skiddies using daddy's credit card to set up their own VM farm for ddosing...

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king of foo
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the tablets will save us...

The decline of windows in the living room could mean the death of the botnet as we know it today. I (still) fear the (id)iot.

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Edu-apps may be STALKING YOUR KIDS, feds warn

king of foo
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Re: Where the buck stops

How about these brain numbing soap operas take a break from murder, theft, adultery etc for an episode or three and highlight the dangers of those ipads you bought your kids this Xmas. I don't know; maybe a RATter stalks a teenage girl and kills her by bashing her over the head with a surface pro 3, or one of the protagonists hatches a scheme to defraud and there's a scene with gchq bods looking through all their selfies on their iPhone and finding their accomplices by scraping their Facebook data and catching them using their phones' GPS.

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UK air traffic bods deny they 'skimped' on IT investment after server mega-fail

king of foo
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Re: "Old" works for me

If the 20+ year old tech has been 'maintained' and 'refined' over those 20 years then arguably it is not "old" and I wholeheartedly agree with the above. However, if someone wrote the source code in the 90s and it hasn't been updated in 15+ years then someone needs to be beaten to death with their own 56k modem.

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Goes like the blazes: Amazon Fire HDX 8.9 late 2014 edition

king of foo
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Re: Wake me up...

No.

That is all.

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king of foo
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Re: Wake me up...

Try paying for a mail client.

I agree that you shouldn't need to but, yeah, Microsoft... Woo.

I use "Mobile Access For Outlook OWA" on android. It only cost a few quid and has been regularly updated and gone from strength to strength. Would recommend. Devs were quick to respond to my emails identifying issues.

Def works with exchange 2007+2010, not sure what else.

Like it so much I'd happily pay the 3 or 4 quid all over again.

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king of foo
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Re: Single page view ?

Replace the www. with m.

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Roll up, come see the BOOMING HACKER BAZAAR!

king of foo
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Re: not naughty enough...

Or they could pool their spare cash together and hire a crack commando unit sent to prison by a military court for a crime they didn't commit... If such "a team" existed I'm sure the place to find them would be one of these bazaars...

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king of foo
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not naughty enough...

These bazaars need to do some really naughty stuff before the police will do anything about them.

You know, like torrenting the next star wars movie. Murderers, rapists, drug barons, PAH, it's those filthy pirates we need to stop!

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Microsoft, rivals together fight US govt's cloud data snatch

king of foo
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in other news...

Microsoft patents privacy...

Apple counter by claiming Steve jobs invented it in 1987.

Google look on in green eyed wonder.

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Senator: Backdoor for the Feds is a backdoor for hackers

king of foo
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Re: Hooray for progress!!

How about we "rename" stuff like this to make it easier for people to "get".

E.g. backdoor = arsehole

"The NSA want to 'tunnel in' through our arseholes to find and catch terrorists"

(So that's where they've been hiding! Might find some WMDs in there too while they're at it...)

The tabloids would love this.

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It's nearly 2015 – and your Windows PC can still be owned by a Visual Basic script

king of foo
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Re: Users want bling

Eye Cancy? Is that what you get when you buy your contact lenses online from a supplier with their distribution centre in Chernobyl?

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king of foo
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gra'ma

Naa, bruvs, u gotsa git daaan wit dem wurdz peeps a speekinz oan streetz. Litracys 4 foos, innit. Y bovva lernin tingz wen textin an twitta getz u.

Bombaclaaaaats!

My A*'s in English Language and English Literature aren't looking particularly relevant now Mrs Simpson... YOU LIED!

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This Christmas, demand the right to a silent night

king of foo
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Re: sometimes...

Lusty, I know this is completely unrelated to the above, but are you an Argonian maid, perchance?

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king of foo
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sometimes...

...it's OK to give shit "service".

It's my weapon against the "disrespectfully disorganised". You know, that senior manager that needs X by 6pm, and only bothers to call you at 5pm, even though it's been one of their "actions" from a meeting that took place 2 months ago.

These mofos guilt trip you into giving up your free time to help them, then proceed to use you as a patsy to explain away any delays or problems that could not be resolved in their miniscule timeframe.

Their disrespect injures not only you, but the service you are able to provide for those respectful enough to give you realistic deadlines.

Their success is fueled their own incompetence. The more you break your back to help them, the worse they get.

Back in the good old days we recognised these people for what they were and "managed" them.

Now we have to worry about kpi's and other such nonsense.

My beautiful, organised chaos doesn't work in an environment populated by the disrespectfully disorganised. It falls over. I myself appear disorganised and disrespectful.

I don't blame our dependence upon technology for this, I blame poor judgement on behalf of HR and recruitment agencies; filling our senior management ranks with narcissistic wankers who in turn give their ignorant friends and family jobs...

Wow, I guess my bad mood from yesterday hasn't improved!!!

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Yotaphone 2: The two-faced pocket-stroker with '100 hours' batt life

king of foo
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Re: Looks really nice.

You mean this ?

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UK slaps 25 per cent 'Google Tax' on tech multinationals

king of foo
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Re: They should pay tax here

Um, remind me what the government spend all that tax on again...

I pay road tax, yet potholes.

I pay income tax, yet unemployment.

Etc.

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Evernote aims at corporate market with new chat feature

king of foo
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no.

Businesses don't like chatty things. You will use your spam ridden email with the 500mb mailbox and 10mb outgoing size limit and your poorly deployed SharePoint on your XP laptop and you will like it or so help me that laptop will take another 10 mins to boot...

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MEPs want 'unbiased search', whatever that is – they're not sure either

king of foo
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Re: unbiased results?

It's called doublethink

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king of foo
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Re: The solution is obvious!

Exactly. However I would counter with the alternative, yet equally compelling name,

Ni!

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Man asks internet for $1k for pebbles. INTERNET SAYS YES

king of foo
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My ancestors are laughing at this insanity. Must be the work of sassenachs. Putting stones in your drink? Whatever next? Worms? Ha.

Wait, wut?

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Brit smut slingers shafted by UK censors' stiff new stance

king of foo
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Re: Normality

Some people don't get sarcasm... Have a thumbs up

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Feds dig up law from 1789 to demand Apple, Google decrypt smartphones, slabs

king of foo
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Re: king of fools bad != stupid

I object to ill thought out laws that do nothing but sacrifice our freedoms in order to make politicians look good to the misguided/misinformed in the run up to the next election by making unsubstantiated claims.

I'd like to see some stats published re the number of crimes solved using the contents of unencrypted personal computers. If it's a high number, and the crimes were serious, I may be persuaded to change my stance on this, but I'd rather have some criminals that are a little harder (but by no means impossible) to catch than live in an Orwellian dystopia with people in positions of authority able to stop me on the street and say "papiere, bitte", without the "bitte". Yes, yes, Godwin's law...

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king of foo
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Re: Next in the product lineup, remote self-destruct.

Hmmm... I'm sure the bofh could make good use of this in a corporate setting...

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king of foo
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Re: With a warrant

Genius. Like a "dead man's switch" for your data.

I wonder...

1. Dead man's switch app

2. C4

3. ???

4. Profit

...might be a tad messy, but would solve the related issue of overcrowding in prisons. Less pickpockets anyway...

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king of foo
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bad != stupid

It seems to me that the majority of folk think criminals are thick.

In reality many will be of above average intellect.

A clever, dangerous, criminal is highly unlikely to store incriminating evidence on a smartphone.

So what value is left on a device? Selfies with the mutilated corpse? The phone company can provide SMS and phone call records. It has to be email and im they're after, but a smart crim won't use anything that leaves behind a trace on the handset.

So they must be after halfwits. Surely there are other ways to catch someone like that.

Or are the people requesting these powers of below average intellect?

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Sinclair is back with the Spectrum Vega ... just as rubbish as the ZX

king of foo
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now I know

...what I'm getting for Xmas next year...

Last year someone got me a rather crappy looking sonic the hedgehog "plug it in the telly thing".

We got absolutely hammered and completed sonic 1, 2 and 3 in a single sitting. It was epic. Then it broke.

Wow, I'm now imagining an epic chuckie egg session...

Oh

My

God

http://torinak.com/qaop#!chuckieegg

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Huawei: 'Nobody made any money in Windows Phone'

king of foo
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Re: A money burning exercise

Absolutely. Corporate lock in. Massively underdeveloped area in which improvement is needed.

MS; I know you were rocking it back in the day, but you kept on dancing to Abba right through the 80s, 90s and 00s. True, there was a bit of a revival and you briefly looked like you could be kinda cool when you were buying all the young uns drinks, but you always had that 'dirty pedo uncle' look in your eye...

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UK cops: Give us ONE journo's phone records. Vodafone: Take the WHOLE damn database!

king of foo
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woopsy

Yes, I believe you... by accident you say. Uhu.

A very convenient way to give the police what they want with the minimum fuss and effort.

As an analyst, I often do something a bit like this when responding to a query because the specific question is never complex enough. In order to get to the real truth you often need to ignore a specific brief and try to fathom and understand the true requirement, then answer that instead.

Often the recipient is too stupid to see what you've done and claims you are giving them "too much" or "that isn't what I asked for". Recognising this, then ignoring future requests is often a good way to make then go away.

But I don't do this with sensitive data on "people" (e.g. salary benchmarking). That's just wrong. And if I was tempted, I'd merely present my findings at an anonymised, aggregated level, never the source data.

This smells to me of an intentional act being explained away as a mistake. There was definitely motive. I'd want an independent investigation, and perhaps to consider the prosecution of both parties involved. Prosecution of senior directors. An ombudsman needs to have oversight of this. I can see a junior clerk being sweet talked; "just give us it all if it's a pain to filter it down to the right person" - I've successfully used this tactic myself to obtain pricing data for competitors using the same supplier as me. This is a little bit naughty, admittedly. The police hold a position of extreme trust so if they are grifting like this... Hmmmm...

If the police are abusing their powers we need to strip those powers from them, not give them more. Theresa, are you listening, bitch?

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Apple surges in on the BYOD wave

king of foo
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web/servs

Gone are the days when you needed a windows PC with ie6 to interact with company systems.

And about bloody time too.

I pity anyone left with the burden of supporting hardware specific abandonware.

I like this trend towards uber simple end user experience; it means less phone calls asking where the "any" key is. "Just mash the screen with your face" works just as well.

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All aboard the Poo Bus! Ding ding, route Number Two departing

king of foo
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Re: 10,000 passengers a month?

Yes, but roughly half of them will encounter the mystery of the invisible poo

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king of foo
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silent but violent

Now cyclists will wake up in a&e not only with broken bones, but smelling faintly of shit...

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GCHQ and Cable and Wireless teamed as Masters of the Internet™

king of foo
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Re: money

Apologies, my French is restricted to 4 letter words these days (like "bank", Mr Bryant) and I spent my lessons at school smoking and trying to get into a certain girl's knickers instead of actually attending. Thankfully I have never once been to France so it was a decision well made, even if I did fail miserably!

...and thanks, anti-troll defence league, I hope you have a lovely weekend,

Oh reservoir (full of tears of regret), moan Amy (to someone else's embrace)

I wonder if she's still single, if not I might be trying to figure out if it's cherchez la femme or le femme...

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king of foo
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money

This really pisses me off. We've been in a global recession due to banks, who are supposed to be regulated by government, being greedy arseholes, and then bailed out by taxpayer money... and then we find out that as well as this happening, and big corps dodging tax, the bloody g men have been spaffing millions more tax payers money away every month to spy up someone else's skirt!

You'll be telling me they've been protecting pedos next... oh, wait, what???

Vive le revolution

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Nexus 7 fandroids tell of salty taste after sucking on Google's Lollipop

king of foo
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Re: Is this viz?

Agreed.

Ew,just ew.

...but all in good taste

Er...

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