* Posts by king of foo

409 posts • joined 2 Oct 2012

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Win Phone to outgrow smartmobe market for next four years

king of foo
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Re: Bovine Excrement.

The interesting thing about "forecasts" and "predictions" is that 4 times out of 7 you can just make up the numbers and everything looks plausible and well researched. I spend most of my working life looking at and composing bollocks like this.

Me, I know next to nothing about selling mobile phones, but bollocks? Yes. If you ever have any testicle related problems I'm your man. The girls in the office are always complaining I don't have any framed photos on my desk so feel free to send me selfies...

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king of foo
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Bovine Excrement.

Apple to LOSE market share

To Microsoft

Re SmartPhones?

Ha. Ha ha ha. A-hahahahahaha.

I will neither buy an apple nor a ms smartphone, but this is insane.

I confidently predict that the "other" category will take share from android, as will apple, but windows will continue to flop. Yes they will sell more but because the market is expanding not because the tide turns. Unless they do something clever to win over the corporate/business market.

Also, the apple numbers look a little low, but I reckon there's a thriving 2nd hand market that isn't being covered. Androids likely end up in landfill or "man drawers" more frequently than being sold but every iPhone owner I know has sold their old model on when a new one comes out.

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Microsoft: Cortana not exclusive to Windows – it loves Android, iOS too

king of foo
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Re: nice... "cross platform" approach

nice

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king of foo
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nice...

Fully embracing the "cross platform" approach, I see. Is this a "new" Microsoft?

Perhaps windows 9 won't be shite after all...

The thing is, they're skipping straight to 10 aren't they...

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German watchdog rips off Facebook's thumbs after online fracas

king of foo
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Re: Good, but not quite right: about bloody time someone did something

Are you talking about doing something like the "this site uses cookies bla bla bla ignore my techno gabble I'm reputable because I'm warning you about something no need to read me further, oops I forgot to add a cross/close me link, oh well never mind it's not as if I'm taking up half the sodding page and won't go away.... leave this website now or I will continue to annoy you" that pops up on every ***** website you visit?

That's almost as bad as the Fwitted JavaScript popups inviting you to download an "app" (a shit version of the website, with missing features but twice the privacy invasion) or "join us/subscribe/register for a free account so we can sell your info to the king of Nigeria because he has a lucrative opportunity you may be interested in" before you've had a chance to read the bloody page.

I think the punish bad behaviour ethos is a good one, and gets the ball rolling re future punishment of other similar practices.

I don't use 'social media', it uses me.

I like the idea of a "free" internet. As in speech. In order to accomplish this we need policing, not censorship.

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Private cloud has a serious image problem

king of foo
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Re: re: why would the toaster need to talk to the 'fridge'?

Because we are Borg

Bjorn: "I enjoy fashion."

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Wi-Fi was MEANT to be this way: Antennas and standards, 802.11 style

king of foo
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Re: 802.11 ay?

I'm holding out for '802.11 yay'

I don't do alpha testing.

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School's in for Chromebooks, Google's the top swot in class

king of foo
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Noooooo.....

I can hear stallman's wailing from here!

By hey, at least they're cheap AND conditioning our kids to be good little products...

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Heroic German rozzers rescue innocent lamb from sordid brothel

king of foo
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breaking news : european dna

New evidence suggests the Welsh are direct descendants of the Germans...

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Hacker uses Starbucks INFINITE MONEY for free CHICKEN SANDWICH

king of foo
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the moral of the story

If you find a bug, and a company doesn't have a bounty scheme in place, there is such a thing as a free lunch.

Now eat, and drink, and be merry. And tell all your friends...

...because they don't deserve the benefit of your goodwill and will likely act like twats instead of being appreciative.

Sometimes you have to do bad to do good...

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City of birth? Why password questions are a terrible idea

king of foo
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Re: Even worse

Durchfall ?

Because I can't spell it in Englisch... despite being Schottisch.

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Get another loan, fanbois, the new MacBook Pro and iMac are here

king of foo
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Re: oh and re the android comment...

The choices:

1. Buy a mac and don't go on holiday this year...

2. Buy a "windows PC" and spend your entire holiday running endless loops of windows update and installing antivirus or Gnu/Linux/BSD on it...

3. Buy a cheap android device and get a cheap deal on a holiday!

Let's face it, the great unwashed use sites like Facebook so privacy isn't their main concern. Apple devices are "trendy + cool" and Google devices are (were) "cheap + cool". Windows devices have been trying to do both, with obvious results. The only people who "care" about this stuff spend their time on sites like this!

Now... to the important Q'n; will it play crysis???

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Post-pub nosh neckfiller: Cuy Chactado – Deep-fried guinea pig

king of foo
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Re: Cocaine rat - Jesus liked it

Hmmm... not sure I like your logic.

2 Kings 6:26-29

As the king of Israel was passing by on the wall, a woman cried to him, "Help me, my lord the king!"

The king replied, "If the Lord does not help you, where can I get help for you? From the threshing floor? From the winepress?" Then he asked her, "What's the matter?"

She answered, "This woman said to me, 'Give up your son so we may eat him today, and tomorrow we'll eat my son.' So we cooked my son and ate him. The next day I said to her, 'Give up your son so we may eat him,' but she had hidden him."

Om nom nom nom...

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Word to your mother: Office 2016 preview flung at world + dog

king of foo
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Re: Office 2007 is fine

I was talking about a seemingly small workbook in excel 2007 xlsx format (yes, ancient, but FTSE 50 corporate environment, so cutting edge...) with approx 50 rows and 10 columns actually in use on one sheet. The most complex formula was a sum at the bottom of said 50th row. File size = 16MB (when compressed)

The only thing I could find "wrong" was a teeny tiny vertical scroll bar, indicating phantom content in the gazillion unused rows - but there really was nothing there. They'd already tried clearing the contents of all unused rows and columns.

The "fix" was to firstly clear all formatting then delete all unused rows and columns (not just clear). After doing so it was reduced to mere KBs. Both format clearing and deletion were required. I was able to try each in isolation with no change in size or time taken to open.

So... Bloat. In excel 2007

But thanks for taking the time to respond. I'm sure note recent versions have been corrected, but we don't have that luxury.

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king of foo
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Re: Office 2007 is fine

Office 2007 is NOT fine.

Aside from users still feeling the GUI change pain, it's proven (anecdotally) less stable than 2003 and prone to insane formatting issues (excel) when trying (and failing) to make use of all those extra cells...

I checked out the XML behind a bloated xlsx and I shit you not, in 2 sheets there were a million+ rows all coded a bit like this "<row 5><col 1>{empty}</col 1></row 5>"

I almost did a LOL, instead favouring a facepalm

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Round Two in Sky vs Skype trademark scrap goes to Murdoch's men

king of foo
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Re: So just like SkyDrive....

Currently available

onefriedchicken.vision

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Apple Watch fanbois suffer PAINFUL RASH after sweaty wristjob action

king of foo
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Re: Huh?

"has to be useable one handed"

Leaving the other hand free to do other things

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king of foo
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Re: Did I miss something

Hmmm... This sprang to mind... Not quite the same thing, but close.

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New Windows 10 will STAGGER to its feet, says Microsoft OS veep

king of foo
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Re: Windows as a "Service"

People forget, MS is a company. It wants your money. All creativity goes into finding ways to get more money from you. Apple is also a company... and so is Google. Fact.

I'm a CUSTOMER of all 3 of the above, as, likely, so are you.

Customer != User

Now, I would like to be able to claim that I'm somehow different and am not just a customer, but it's untrue. I've tried various alternatives (gnu/Linux) but the reality is that I'm forced to be a Microsoft (laptop) and apple (iphone) customer at work, and at home I'm a google (nexus 5) customer. I wish someone would find a way to make software and hardware I want to buy without acting like a company selling me stuff. I really thought that might be Ubuntu. I still have hope...

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king of foo
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Re: Arse'oles

I just want it to be fast.

And small.

And stable.

And to run well on a wide range of hardware, from ancient to cutting edge.

As an "enthusiast" that tries lots of different things I can recall using an operating system like that. It was called "puppy".

I wonder - could El reg do a "special" on lightweight operating systems? Comparing them to the mainstream? Some people might get a shock.

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Who thinks Microsoft Edge SUCKS? Erm, Microsoft

king of foo
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Re: downvotes.

...my down vote above was meant to be funny...

Usually I reserve them for trolls or stooges making false commentary, however I seem to get a lot from people disagreeing with what I have to say, which is fine. Free speech etc.

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king of foo
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Re: el reg still using cutting edge tech...

My mistake... it might have been an ad...

But my point stands. I've been seeing a lot of flash content lately...

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king of foo
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el reg still using cutting edge tech...

Oy! Sort it out! The next time I see a blinking flash video in an El reg article I'm going to scream.

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It's official: David Brents are the weakest link in phishing attacks

king of foo
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Re: Senior management super powers widely misunderstood

Absolutely. They don't read emails on screen and they certainly don't type/click anything. Dictation all the way.

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UH OH, it's MOBILEGEDDON! Your site may lose, well, PENNIES

king of foo
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Re: One day they'll realise that...

I'd go one further and say it pushes some of us away from the product or service being stuffed in our face every 5 mins.

Recently I've become increasingly irritated by having Amazon adverts for something I looked at earlier that day appearing in every sodding website I visit - or, cunningly (on chrome), eBay equivalents...

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Cram my freebies into Android phones and get a royalty discount, says Microsoft (allegedly)

king of foo
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will only work for noobs

For "new" android users moving from winphone or iOS this preloaded bloatware strategy makes sense, but established android users will likely end up importing all the apps/settings from another device during initial startup - along with whatever existing/established alternative to ms that they've been using for the many years prior to ms' lightbulb moment.

Unless the ms equivalents are actually "better" I can see those apps just wasting space/never being used.

*I use kingsoft/WPS office and IMHO it's vastly superior to the ms apps but YMMV.

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This open-source personal crypto-key vault wants two things: To make the web safer ... and your donations

king of foo
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Re: @king of foo - Opt-In

As for the "spoilt vote" idea, unfortunately there's no way to tell the difference between that and stupidity.

I'd rather someone try to insinuate that I simply don't care (which isn't the case) than I am too stupid to complete a ballot paper correctly.

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king of foo
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Re: Opt-In

I like how you think.

Can we "opt in" for the current Party Politics setup as well please?

The way I see it if enough people don't vote (at all) then a new system of government that actually represents its citizens could be "voted for" as that would mean "the people" don't accept the authority of current government.

I'm not proposing anarchy, just change.

And, worst case, say PP survives... what if voting meant filling in a questionnaire covering lots of different (divisive) issues, and the results were mapped to the closest matching party? Nah, I prefer the smug leader on the left with the pink tie and the monocle, he looks fun. But sir, that's the leader of the Mandatory Suicide party. So what, the tie, man... The tie!

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Woeful groans over Game of Thrones' spill on piracy sites

king of foo
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Re: it's silly @zot

Joffrey, is that you???

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king of foo
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it's silly

I'd pay twice retail for the full boxed set of series 5 right now. Before it airs on subscription TV that I don't have. I don't want to subscribe to a service.

They can't want my money...

Also, this is all I can hear now...

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Midlife crisis, suck ingenuity? Microsoft turns 40; does the dad dance

king of foo
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Re: computing will evolve faster in the next 10 years

first!

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Microsoft drops Do Not Track default from Internet Explorer

king of foo
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Re: We have noticed...

Did you just copy/paste this from Facebook's T's & C's page?

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king of foo
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Call me jaded, but wasn't this Microsoft's intention all along?

By enabling by default they gave advertisers ammunition to argue against DNT, whilst appearing to support it.

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Project Spartan: We get our claws on Microsoft's browser for Windows 10

king of foo
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I don't get it (Big...)

Can't IE mode just be baked into Spartan, with a "switch engine" button/intuition that remembers if a particular site needs IE or not? Why not make this offer ie6+ modes for full-on legacy support. And how about a similar concept to handle Java needs... and, er, cringe, flash?

Hmmm... wouldn't that make this actually "attractive" for business users? Bundle it all up in a mega secure sandbox with paranoia settings and you've got something for everyone. And release it on w7 as well, with a guarantee that anything that works in Spartan on w7 will work in w10.

Of course we want to abandon legacy crap, but sometimes that's easier said than done.

The "unique selling point" of windows should be legacy support, especially for business. When I upgrade yes I want a little shiny, but I want all my old stuff to keep working, otherwise it's not an upgrade, it's a "change". Change is hard. If businesses are to change to w10 before 2021 then ms need to shift their focus to where it matters before all our software is "cross platform"/cloud and we, shock/horror, don't need Microsoft any more...

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CIOs: What tech will be running your organisation in 2020?

king of foo
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there is no choice

We are nailed to the cross. It doesn't matter if it rains or there's a sand storm.

The people who came before hammered those nails in so hard that decapitation is the only option if we desire true freedom.

I traded in the cattle prod for a chainsaw last week in readiness...

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king of foo
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Re: Something that spellchecks headlines, maybe

Must be talking about this

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Google promises Pointer Events support, with or without Apple

king of foo
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Re: Why is Apple not using it?

"Honeybadger don't care"

Apple do their own thing. They don't care about anyone else unless there's a potential P&L impact. Think 1990's Microsoft.

Also, step into their shoes; what if you have already invested time and effort on your own solution and you're pretty happy that it works; why would you chuck that in the bin just to "play nice" with your competitors? Apple don't play nice.

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I see you have the gTLD that goes .ping!

king of foo
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.cum hither with thine .co.ck

...and enjoy my new web porn empire.

I still say the gtld should be at the BEGINNING of the URL. But the same clever people in the US responsible for date/time formats made that call didn't they?

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Make up your mind: Microsoft puts a bullet in Internet Explorer after all

king of foo
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Re: Ohh dear, it's the browser Hokey Pokey

Dear god what's wrong with me... I'm seeing double entendres everywhere!

I'd argue it's more like

Old Mother Hubbard

Went to the cupboard

To get her poor doggie a bone,

When she got there

The cupboard was bare

So the poor little doggie had none

...but who's cupboard will she look in next? Apple? Google? *nux?

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Dear departed Internet Explorer, how I will miss you ... NOT

king of foo
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Adobe lifts sheet on Dropbox-style doc sharing cloud

king of foo
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Re: oh great, more security holes o'Adobe!

This!

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Watching porn makes men BETTER in bed, say trick-cyclists

king of foo
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hmmm...

So, kinky doctor asks you to watch porn in a university, with giggling/jiggling 20 something's on campus, nearby, perhaps even having sat right here...

Giggity...

Are we sure this isn't "porn on steroids" for these guys?

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Honey, I shrunk the Windows footprint

king of foo
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Re: Don't stop there

It's arguably many people on this forum's fault we have windows boot time pain.

Lazy, badly written startup scripts/group policy have been making "the work laptop" a painful experience for decades.

Stop it.

I know you aren't forced to wait TEN MINUTES for your PC to boot so stop being a twat.

If only the bofh were so evil...

Cold boot with WiFi disabled and network port unplugged; 22 seconds, otherwise easily 12mins+

Admit it...

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BBC: We'll give FREE subpar-Raspberry-Pis to a million Brit schoolkids

king of foo
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too late

I'm pretty sure a ton of ICT money is already being spent on iPads for kids. If these are already in the estate the beeb would be better off building a html5 app optimised for touch at minimal expense. If they must invest in hardware then those programmable Lego toys would be both fun and informative, and a special range could be brought out in line with BBC programming. Schools compete for some kind of prize. E.g. life size daleks...

Anyway, I think someone needs to track down Stallman and put him in charge of ICT...

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Should online pirates get the same sentences as offline ones?

king of foo
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nothing competes with:

my sister shoplifted this and I bring it up every time I see her.

Every.

Time.

The way I see it, this is her penance for subjecting me to the mental scarring of having it on repeat 24/7 for what felt like YEARS as a child.

Oh god, I'm having flashbacks now... The horror!

Prison is too good for whoever produced this...

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Give biometrics the FINGER: Horror tales from the ENCRYPT

king of foo
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ARSEWORD

My arse is most definitely "having words" today...

I blame the baked beans I had with my bacon roll...

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Out of time: Huawei, LG unveil watches nobody wants to buy

king of foo
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Re: What am I missing?

"OK google, what time is it"

"Beep, hammer time"

Works through jeans, suits, shorts etc.

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Boffin: Use my bionic breakthrough for good, and not super cyborgs

king of foo
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I wonder... iTitties ?

I'm not exactly He-man but I've seen some guys able to wiggle their tit muscles (er, they may have an actual name but you know what I mean) about pretty impressively - could this be a business opportunity?

Not content with just looking like a wanker using your iPod, iPhone and iPad simultaneously while sipping TEA at an expensive coffee franchise, pausing briefly to adjust your hat, one can now use their iBra/iTit to control a third bionic hand to toss one off under the table...

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W3C recommends Pointer Events standard – but it's a touchy subject. Right, Apple?

king of foo
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salesforce.com

Slightly off topic but this AM I tried to change the setup of salesforce1 app for my org; their new vision for a mobile world, using my smartphone. The UI required drag and drop... for which touch input is entirely possible in JavaScript... but sadly wasn't implemented in the salesforce1 setup! FFS.

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Vint Cerf: Everything we do will be ERASED! You can't even find last 2 times I said this

king of foo
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missed opportunity

History is no longer written by the victor, but by the evil prankster with the glass writer...

Facebook was an actual book compiled by international police containing millions of peoples' mugshots.

The most famous painting, the moaning lisa, was stolen by a gang of cockney criminals driving 3 different coloured Volkswagen Beatles, and later recovered when they broke down.

Etc.

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