187 posts • joined 2 Oct 2012
"We've got this 300MB spreadsheet with macros in it a consultant from CapGemeni made us in 2002 linked to an Access database that we've been using to do business critical bean counting stuff every day for the last 12 years. It's broken. Can you fix it?"
"Hello, I.T.? This consultant says we need MSAccess or he can't help us."
"Good. Tell him to fuck off"
Agreed. Everyone's just on there in case they get canned..
I avoid myface and shitter like the plague but I'm on LinkedIn.
...for how long?
Year 1: cheaptastic. This is great.
Year 2: it's how much? Well... OK... We've moved a lot of users over now, it'd be a pain to go back...
Year 5: this is ridiculous, and the service keeps going down for extended periods. What can we do to get off this?
Year 7: mummy?
There aren't special private thrones at our head office for the board members to use so they have to poo with the rest of us.
We therefore have cleaners working all day long and our shitters smell lemon fresh.
I wonder if this is what we need to get the same approach to be taken with security? Perhaps we need an epidemic to force action, just like that one filthy loo seat with no toilet paper the MD was forced to use one day prompted this obsession with cleanliness? Do we need some skiddies to get in and replace all our corporate documents with bestiality?
Re: I would laugh at this if it weren't so sad
Are you aware that the above sounds very xenophobic? Your country was founded by illegal immigrants. People just turned up and made their home.
...then they systematically murdered the native population, so perhaps you are worried that history will repeat itself???
I don't think snowden actually believes the things he is saying now - it looks to me like he is trying desperately to achieve celebrity status as a "white knight" so one day he can come home and spend the rest of his (long) life on daytime TV as some kind of privacy evangelist. He's still managing to spark meaningful debate so I say let him carry on, whether he is "devout" or not. This could be him attempting to do some damage limitation by publicly saying that the government isn't all bad and collecting all that data might have been in everyone's interests. It could well be a condition of his return to us soil to "get with the program"
"You can present the material, but you can't make me care." - Bill Watterson
I am constantly amazed and infuriated by the widespread apathy when it comes to privacy and the invasion of it. Governments exist to protect the rights of citizens to live in a certain way, not to dictate what that way is/should be. I used to be proud of the fact that I could walk down the street without someone in a uniform saying “Papiere, Bitte”; proud of my country and for the countless men and women who fought for my freedom to do exactly that.
...works for nadella now...
Shame he didn't write his memos for him...
I feel sorry for these guys
For exactly 10 seconds.
Then I shout then to submission.
It works best when you are standing outside a church or primary school.
Re: our acid test is.....
Could be a killer business phone if it has a strong battery life. El reg was hyping the 63X for business for some unknown reason - this is a different animal and I can see the appeal. The camera comes into play as a "screenshotting" tool for people who don't know what "prnt scrn" means or for those scribbles on whiteboards and flip charts. OCR?
What it needs is a decent hook in with "non Microsoft" business tools - e.g. syncing nicely with salesforce.com.
Re: er, specs?
Sorry - I came across a bit harsh this morning. Mondayitus.I also had a killer hangover from the footie last night.
It was a good read; I was just hoping for a little table at the bottom benchmarking specs/performance. Appreciate it was a "first fondle" and that info may not have been to hand.
What can I say? I'm a sweary pedant!
Your typical el reg reader wants specifics. That article would have been fine on a hipster site or on mums net but we want specifics here please.
How does the battery life compare to x? What CPU/GPU/ram. The camera does look pretty good but I'd rather know if ms have been stingy with ram again like they were in the 630.
I'm sure it's a cracking phone but I'd want to know how it compares to a reference device, like a nexus or iPhone.
I was quite critical of the 630, purely due to the stinginess of the ram, and I still stand by what I said now i've had first hand experience of using one. I'm sure the 930 doesn't suffer from this, but now I'll need to look elsewhere for more detail, and I can't be bothered...
the logic is undeniable
This is a damned fine idea. It's almost as if it was conceived by actual developers and not business people... No, wait... it makes good business sense too... Wow.
On the other hand, now we can have the same bsod on our laptop, smartphone, watch, microwave, car, TV...
Re: Patching in Global organisations
I mirror your frustration.
Flash player 10. Check.
Java 6. Check.
I'm amazed we haven't had any problems. Yet. Websense can't be a complete waste of money.
Wow. I'm getting a few boo's from what I thought was a relatively tame post.
The moral was meant to be:
VBA = instant, which is great, but there can be unseen dangers building up if you rely on it too heavily and the users don't understand the code.
Full-on professional I.T. solutions are often "better" but can be prohibitively slow and costly.
...and I've seen far too many "experts" working on important projects who's only claim to fame = googling a couple of VBA scripts.
Users then trust these "experts" and, often, on their advice, tick a little box that says "allow all macros from all sources without notification".
Nice job ms BTW.
I don't want to see the castration of VBA but rather dramatic improvements to security in general throughout the windows os. I'd also like ms to build in a macro parsing "warning contains nuts" feature telling the user exactly what the code can/will do before they open/execute it. And ffs stop letting me crack all your ms office passwords in under 5 mins please using only the letters A and B...
If I want a new bathroom I can "get a man in"; he ummms and ahhhs and gives me a price then quotes me a timescale;3 months and £5k later we are still picking out the colour of the tiles and showering in the kitchen sink, but we have a glossy brochure and are confident it will be the best bathroom ever.
Or, I can get "a man in a mate of a mate down the pub told me about" and he turns up with a sledgehammer and some polyfila that night after a few whiskies and a packet of pork scratchings. The next day I have a bathroom.
A year later the floor/ceiling collapses, but it's OK, we ****d off after 6 months to another house and did the same thing there, and we're moving on to gas pipes and electrical wiring next now we have so much renovation experience!
assumption: mother of all foo cups.
Wouldn't the real people the NSA want be well versed in spycraft:
MAC spoofing|proxies|2nd hand hardware bought in cash|public\cracked wifi|cloned sim with an all you can eat data tariff|etc.
But yes, they are likely well versed in gnu/Linux.
This also reminds me of when I went on holiday as a teenager with my family and my best mate came round to feed and walk the dog when we were away... and rack up a bill for several hundred £s of porn on our dial up. Dirty sod! :) Should you trust the people around you with your NSA/GCHQ web browsing profile??? Obligatory Rolf Harris reference...
I'm getting cold shivers already...
"It is an attempt to marry advanced spreadsheet reporting features with back-end collaborative features based on SharePoint."
This sounds horrendous. It's so far from "B.I." it could be bacon.
Re: What's the problem?
People do not answer these quizes to provide marketeers with accurate data, they do so to hopefully get to the funny bits at the end of the questions. I bet some people go back through the quizzes 2 or 3 times providing different answers.
The problem is not that sites like this are "harvesting" this data, its that there are people stupid enough to pay for it thinking it is in any way meaningful.
That's my concern... stupid people misinterpreting "data". Stupid people come in all shapes and sizes and appear to gravitate towards positions of powerful decision making responsibilities.
Luckily I, although stupid enough to be president of the us of a, am powerless.
Plants turn co2 into oxygen, fruit, nuts and vegetables, right?
So why isn't the so called green taxation used to plant trees and plants everywhere? An airline should plant thousands of trees every year.
We could be buying back all that rainforest that keeps getting chopped down, couldn't we?
We could employ the empoverished people forced to chop it down to do the planting...
Or have I misunderstood again?
This is too easy
...therefore it must be wrong.
It's far simpler to make the 2 or 3 major search players responsible than it is to hunt down all the websites publishing the content and requesting that they take it down.
Even if the search results were to be completely censored, one could still access the content by going to one of many websites that would spring up overnight promising links to censored content.
This is just as ridiculous as making isp's block torrent sites.
Re: BYOD is easy
Of COURSE a "budget phone" will outperform everything else on the market with 5x the power under the hood... it comes with these magic beans... all you do is bend over and use the special "application rod" to get them nice and deep. If it does end up slow then it's your fault; you must be holding it wrong.
Re: BYOD is easy
iPhones have a reputation for being attractive and easy. (Ha).
People remember that XDA or winphone that was forced upon them all those years ago; the one without enough RAM to function as intended, and with the rubbish vnp connection that kept dropping out, and the sync that never quite worked. Then they remember bad experiences with windows; perhaps PowerPoint or word doc corruption, a bsod or crash and losing work.
iPhones don't have the same baggage.
To a certain extent android has suffered in a similar way; poor hardware and bad integration have switched people off in the past.
If MS want to get business to engage then the 630 is NOT the answer. It's too underpowered. I don't care what the shills say - if you want a device to exceed expectation then give it way more oomph than it could ever need. It needs to be at least as quick/well specced as the latest iPhone.
Ha! That ship has well and truly sailed. Thanks for bringing a smile to my face trying to force it!
Speaking of marketing b******s...
"Your potential. Our passion." (I think MS must have hired ex Durex marketing guys for that one!)
"To enable people and businesses throughout the world to realize their full potential." (Eh, you do what now? MS, are you selling a pyramid scheme?)
"You can make money without doing evil." (Google just don't feel like it!)
"Google's mission is to organize the world's information and make it universally accessible and useful" (...to the NSA, GCHQ...)
PS - "doing a chandler" is much better.
Re: You're talking about picture in picture?
Martin, were you the genius behind tifkam? I will bow down to your greater wisdom and repent for my evil multi tasking ways.
Duh... unless you feed your set top box THROUGH your Xbox...
Sorry,I've just this minute had my morning coffee...
If the other features were banishable I might be tempted by this. I like it a lot. Especially if it means my TV would therefore become voice activated as well.
BUT I really don't like the idea that it could record audio/video of the family without our knowledge.
I certainly like the idea of being able to watch TV on screen at the same time as playing a game. An old LCD I used to have back in the early 2000s had that functionality baked in. You could select 1 input as the primary display then select any secondary input to appear in a second smaller display at the top right. I was saddened when I had to replace it and none of the new fangled TV's had that feature any more.
But I don't see how exactly this would work on an Xbox - given that my "TV" comes via a separate HDMI cable from a virgin set top box...
2 girls 1 cup
the end is nigh...
Is "social media" finally on the way out?
I wonder what the next "big thing" will be... Neon shell suits make a comeback... with some kind of built in boom box that plays nothing but death metal at full blast... and some kind of "smell enhancing" tech to emit the scent of stale urine. The matching hat would have a strobe light on it and there would be a big LCD screen on it relaying their thoughts in real time to the world.
so much porn
So little time
MS sounds like a fantastic company to work for...
My bosses aren't exactly saints but would they have me thrown in jail for breach of contract? Unlikely.
Re: Origin Story
I'm still trying to figure out how they'll manage to write Buzz Lightyear into it...
Maybe that's what "kid clone boba" does between the prequels and his badass mode in the original trilogy... he could get locked up in a mental facility after watching himself as an adult get decapitated... they could work in some trippy scenes from dumbo or fantasia while he wrestles with his sanity. This would be before the rampage where he feeds ewoks into a blender and pumps gallons of the vile liquid into jar jar binks, filling him up like a baloon until he explodes in a satisfying pop.
Business has no shame... (link farms)
In other news, British Gas make record profits by diversifying into concentration camps. Investors go wild!
I want one with a portaloo in it
So I can poop and read the paper during my commute.
More time at home not pooping and more time spent not pooping at work.
stupid questions; no such thing
I for one am glad he asked the question. This schoolyard culture of pointing the finger at someone when they ask a question that others deem obvious needs to stop. I've seen it happen far too often in I.T. and it results in even more feckless decision-making born out of fear of looking stupid.
"The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing."
Our home address and landline phone number have been publicly available for years. Harvesting mobile numbers and email addresses from websites to increase this "stalking database", is child's play.
Try searching for your house on the internet. If you own it you will likely find your name, landline telephone number and a number of websites promising "more detailed information" (eek).
We live in a spammer's paradise.
It's not just Google we need to fear.
Linus torvalds explains...
"I like offending people, because I think people who get offended should be offended."
Re: All good stuff
It's cold outside...
software company sells... SOFTWARE
Calmer heads prevail at last. First salesforce.com friendship and now this. Great news.
I really hope they use the same good judgement when they set the pricing model... I want to buy this just like any other app on google play. NO SUBSCRIPTION and no DEVICE LOCKING. If I change my phone I want to be able to download it to my new one at no extra cost.
There are some good alternatives out there already so I really hope this is a full on android port of office - ie ability to run macros for example.
Re: @ king of foo
I'm obviously more than happy to pay for and install quality 3rd party apps. I'd highly recommend ES File Explorer on android. I can't remember if it was a paid or free app but it is beyond awesome.
I'd just rather people started blurring the lines between mobile and desktop/laptop computing more. Fire up any flavour of *nix/nux/windows os and behold... your files... It's something people definitely waste time looking for on mobile as they expect that functionality out of the can.
Hang on... I totally misread the article. MS are going to deliver this in their store. Just like 3rd party apps. Which makes them no different from Google or Apple, only that they have released a "Microsoft" branded app (which they could have just bought). Big woop.
I thought they were going to integrate a file manager into the OS, which IMHO is a startling omission from all 3 of the main smartphone/tablet OS'.
I feel a bit of a tit now, sorry.
At least MS have finally picked up on this; I don't know how android and iOS have got away with it for so long.
I suppose it's yet another way to get you into the 'store'.
Re: Apple powered
Agreed; it sexied up a rather dull news story however.
I distinctly remember looking at a "slate" (sans "book") tablet with added beats a good 12 months ago when I was trying to decide whether to get a nexus 7 or something else.
It was nothing special. I remember being a little disappointed by it.
Re: […] we are handing the reigns over […]
Heresy! If there's any reigning to be done then as the king of all things foo I should be the one doing it!
Guards, fetch the guillotine - I hereby decree that tomorrow shall be a national holiday and everyone will go bobbing for 'apples'.
And for god's sake boy, you lead your horse by the reins not the todger! Go and wash your hands.
Re: Why flee to Asia?
Yarr, tharr be too much competition me arties
What if I were to set up a website tomorrow and allow my users to share files through it.
What if I allow people to use the site for free, anonymously, without requiring user accounts, and let them choose to share content privately or publicly.
I could call it "therapemurderstealfrauddodrugssosdomylistentojustinbieberbay"
Say I make a little money from advertising on the website.
If my users are perverts and pirates where do I stand? I respect the privacy of my users therefore I wouldn't dream of rooting through their files.
Would I be an evil nasty pirate that deserves to be locked up?
Re: obligatory Al Murray vid!!! :)
Re: obligatory mony python quote
Waitress: Well, there's egg and bacon; egg sausage and bacon; egg and spam; egg bacon and spam; egg bacon sausage and spam; spam bacon sausage and spam; spam egg spam spam bacon and spam; spam sausage spam spam bacon spam tomato and spam;
Vikings: Spam spam spam spam...
The problem is... also...
down to the 'carriers'.
If smartphone vendors are to evolve then I think they need to break free and sell their products independently from mobile and data tariffs.
You don't buy a TV because it comes with a Sky or HBO subscription.
Hardware has nothing to do with minutes/data usage. If you separate the hardware then I strongly believe you will massive change in purchasing behaviour. No longer would you be restricted to carrier x's cherry picked handsets that go with tarrif y.
Re: king of fools Article correction
Naturally, Surly Antagonist.
Now fare thee well, loyal subject; thou mayest return to thine fluffing duties.
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