* Posts by king of foo

362 posts • joined 2 Oct 2012

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Boffin: Use my bionic breakthrough for good, and not super cyborgs

king of foo
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I wonder... iTitties ?

I'm not exactly He-man but I've seen some guys able to wiggle their tit muscles (er, they may have an actual name but you know what I mean) about pretty impressively - could this be a business opportunity?

Not content with just looking like a wanker using your iPod, iPhone and iPad simultaneously while sipping TEA at an expensive coffee franchise, pausing briefly to adjust your hat, one can now use their iBra/iTit to control a third bionic hand to toss one off under the table...

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W3C recommends Pointer Events standard – but it's a touchy subject. Right, Apple?

king of foo
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salesforce.com

Slightly off topic but this AM I tried to change the setup of salesforce1 app for my org; their new vision for a mobile world, using my smartphone. The UI required drag and drop... for which touch input is entirely possible in JavaScript... but sadly wasn't implemented in the salesforce1 setup! FFS.

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Vint Cerf: Everything we do will be ERASED! You can't even find last 2 times I said this

king of foo
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missed opportunity

History is no longer written by the victor, but by the evil prankster with the glass writer...

Facebook was an actual book compiled by international police containing millions of peoples' mugshots.

The most famous painting, the moaning lisa, was stolen by a gang of cockney criminals driving 3 different coloured Volkswagen Beatles, and later recovered when they broke down.

Etc.

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Apple LIGHTSABERS to feature in The Force Awakens

king of foo
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is that lense flare?

No, it's a power surge! Quick, drop it!

Noooooooooooooooo!

How Luke really lost that hand.

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STINKY nerds: Sick of horrifying chums with your terrible BO? Nosey Google wants to help

king of foo
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Re: Good gawd/ess.

Ha. If I "get caught short", simply squirting some lynx on the turd in my pants and carrying on with my day does sound appealing but I think in that circumstance this article actually makes a lot of sense!

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REVEALED: TEN MEEELLION pinched passwords and usernames

king of foo
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Pastebin etc

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Russian revolution: YotaPhone 2 double-screen JANUS MOBE

king of foo
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English, as taught by a Scot

It's = it has or it is

If substituting "has" or "is" for the apostrophe doesn't make sense then don't use the apostrophe!

Grammar; it's really confusing because it's got lots of strange rules hidden up its sleeve.

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NERDS KICK PUPPY 'bot in brutal attack

king of foo
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Re: That...

Their other projects are far scarier. See PETMAN or ATLAS...

I'll be back

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king of foo
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the next vid

...involves saddles, small children, and lightsabers!

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O2 notifies data cops 'for courtesy' ... AFTER El Reg intervenes in email phish dustup

king of foo
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Re: Who says it's a breach

I agree, it sounds like a marketing company/contractor requested a dump of customer email addresses etc for use in campaign x.

Request was passed to a new employee/someone with access to extract said data but neither knows nor cares about the security implications.

Whatever "report" was compiled and forwarded evidently held more than just contact info. Whoever was meant to give the data a sense check obviously couldn't be arsed to read it and just forwarded on.

Contractor/agency then shares data with someone else. I wouldn't be surprised if it was uploaded as a public google doc or something daft like that.

This kind of thing is impossible to contain.

As soon as data exists it's inherently insecure.

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Ugly, incomplete, buggy: Windows 10 faces a sprint to the finish

king of foo
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Re: I still shudder...

Finally, the time has come.

2015 will be the year of windows on the desktop.

No, wait, that can't be right!

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We take bots down, but they get up again – you're never going to keep them down

king of foo
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Re: When will the NSA do their damn jobs?

They're too busy re-watching those cat videos you watched on YouTube 8 years ago and reading all your spam from 2012 in case it mentions tourism to focus on anything else. Then they have to do a load of paperwork so it looks like they had genuine cause to suspect you of tourism.

So obsessed are they by tourism that I even saw a "honeypot" advert on tv here in the UK the other day. You guys are so desperate to catch tourists you've started advertising California as a tourism hotspot. They even dragged Conan the barbarian out of retirement to do a cheesy grin and recommend travelling by "choppa".

So, arguably, by targeting tourists the NSA are protecting your economy from foreigners spending all their money holidaying in Europe, but if all your resorts are like "Gitmo" then I don't think you'll get many repeat visitors...

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Powering the Internet of Stuff – by sucking electricity from TREES

king of foo
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whatever happened to

Humans as batteries? Worked in the matrix.

Being a bat fastard I long for an implant that harvests the power of bacon so it ends up fueling my devices rather than my waistline.

"No love, you look positively skinny in that outfit. Hey, your mobile's getting low, here, eat this bacon butty."

Sod curing cancer, cure bacon instead.

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Regin super-malware has Five Eyes fingerprints all over it says Kaspersky

king of foo
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Terminator

DEFENCE

Genius. I wonder if The Black Death started out in a similar vein...

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FTC to Internet of Stuff: Security, motherf****r, do you speak it?

king of foo
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Re: I would like to offically declare

New identity protocol required.

ID-IOT

That is all.

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YouTube flushes Flash for future flicks

king of foo
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Ming the Merciless

Every thousand years, I test each life system in the Universe. I visit it with mysteries, earthquakes, unpredicted eclipses, strange craters in the wilderness... If these are taken as natural, I judge that system ignorant and harmless - I spare it. But if the Hand of Ming is recognized in these events, I judge that system dangerous to us. I call upon the great god Dyzan, and for his greater glory...

[leans forward, smiling]

... and for our mutual pleasure...

[leans back again]

... I destroy it utterly.

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GRENADE! Project Zero pops pin on ANOTHER WINDOWS 0-DAY

king of foo
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Re: The origin of patch Tuesday

C. I like patches that don't **** up more than they fix. B is a nice to have. A seems a bit daft. One does not NEED to install a patch as soon as it is available but it would be better to have the OPTION to do so.

I suspect A actually results in more bad patches; in order to squeeze in a patch to a particular time table there will invariably be new things landing at the last minute with significantly less time to test.

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Google unleashes build-it-yourself 'Ara' SLABLET phones (in Puerto Rico)

king of foo
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Re: No way, no how

I want one. But, like Lego, think big. Modular smartphone, clickety, modular tablet, clickety, laptop, clickety, desktop, clickety drone, clickety nuclear warhead...

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Stop viewing Facebook at work says Facebook at work on Facebook at Work

king of foo
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beep, beep-beep, ring-ring, cough, poke, slap, OY! YOU! TALK TO ME! NOW! RAAAAAAAAAAaaAAAAAaaaaa

When exactly are people supposed to get any work done with all these communication channels pouring spam at us 24/7?

I check my primary inbox and respond to 2 emails when my mobile beeps (OK, it makes a dialup modem noise but you get the idea) so I read the SMS and am about to pick the landline up to call the messager back when my mobile rings (plays the theme tune from Monty Python...) and it's someone else needing help with something. During the phone call another 10 new emails drop in and I'm conscious that a small queue has formed behind me in the open plan office of people actually wanting to talk to me in person. An hour of "chatting" later I get back to that second email as I hadn't managed to click "send". As soon as it's clicked another email lands informing me someone assigned me a "case" in salesforce.com. It's actually a meeting invite, which I add to my outlook calendar. Then I notice some red "tasks" someone assigned me so I start reading and one of the secretaries hands me a stack of snail mail. I raise my hand to receive said envelopes and the landline rings...

No. I don't want Facebook for work tyvm. I want a little peace and quiet to get some ****** work done!

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This $10 phone charger will wirelessly keylog your boss

king of foo
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Re: Wires FTW

Wireless keyboards and mice in offices confuse me, especially when coupled with docking stations.

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Lollipop licked: KitKat still king in Android land

king of foo
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Re: HAL

My god, a NEXUS6/HAL9000 hybrid? We're all DOOMED!

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king of foo
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Re: Anonymous fandroid coward

I echo your sentiment :)

Manufacturers + distributors should be rated based on their commitment to ota IMHO, then be forced to advertise that rating prominently at pos.

Consumers are capable of making educated choices. In 2011 I suspect that meant buying an XP PC or a Mac rather than something with half the ram it needed to function!

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BAN email footers – they WASTE my INK, wails Ctrl+P MP

king of foo
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Re: can we ban printers instead?

Hmmm. 9 by default, but a senior exec can use the single 24 pin variant if he/she wants to feel special.

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king of foo
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can we ban printers instead?

For stuff you absolutely cannot live without on paper, ressurrect the awe and wonder of the dot matrix... Ah, that beautiful screachy sound... and that greenish paper...

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Hey look! Microsoft's workforce isn't all white men

king of foo
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Re: Diverse != Good

Agreed; I just want the best person for the job to get the job. MS could be 100℅ Orsimer for all I care.

I always refuse to state my age, race, gender or religious stance on corporate crap anyway, and I can't be the only person to do so. No, wait, I did once claim to be an "other" (Green) woman in her 80's who worshipped the Devil, but that was just on my job application.

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Lizard Squad gang moves from PlayStation, Xbox Live attacks to Tor

king of foo
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Re: the tablets will save us...

Hmmm. I'm not so sure. I'm no 1337 H4XX0R but surely for the "perfect" ddos you'd want as many distinct attack vectors as possible spread as far across the globe as you can get them. That's not how most cloud services work is it? (single badass data centre with enough cooling to start the next ice age). Actually "hacking" and poisoning the vm's being used would theoretically give you the volume, but not the spread. A few thousand "clever" fridges or toasters could do far more damage imho, especially if enterprising crims were to subvert the production process.

I can't see skiddies using daddy's credit card to set up their own VM farm for ddosing...

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king of foo
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the tablets will save us...

The decline of windows in the living room could mean the death of the botnet as we know it today. I (still) fear the (id)iot.

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Edu-apps may be STALKING YOUR KIDS, feds warn

king of foo
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Re: Where the buck stops

How about these brain numbing soap operas take a break from murder, theft, adultery etc for an episode or three and highlight the dangers of those ipads you bought your kids this Xmas. I don't know; maybe a RATter stalks a teenage girl and kills her by bashing her over the head with a surface pro 3, or one of the protagonists hatches a scheme to defraud and there's a scene with gchq bods looking through all their selfies on their iPhone and finding their accomplices by scraping their Facebook data and catching them using their phones' GPS.

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UK air traffic bods deny they 'skimped' on IT investment after server mega-fail

king of foo
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Re: "Old" works for me

If the 20+ year old tech has been 'maintained' and 'refined' over those 20 years then arguably it is not "old" and I wholeheartedly agree with the above. However, if someone wrote the source code in the 90s and it hasn't been updated in 15+ years then someone needs to be beaten to death with their own 56k modem.

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Goes like the blazes: Amazon Fire HDX 8.9 late 2014 edition

king of foo
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Re: Wake me up...

No.

That is all.

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king of foo
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Re: Wake me up...

Try paying for a mail client.

I agree that you shouldn't need to but, yeah, Microsoft... Woo.

I use "Mobile Access For Outlook OWA" on android. It only cost a few quid and has been regularly updated and gone from strength to strength. Would recommend. Devs were quick to respond to my emails identifying issues.

Def works with exchange 2007+2010, not sure what else.

Like it so much I'd happily pay the 3 or 4 quid all over again.

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king of foo
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Re: Single page view ?

Replace the www. with m.

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Roll up, come see the BOOMING HACKER BAZAAR!

king of foo
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Re: not naughty enough...

Or they could pool their spare cash together and hire a crack commando unit sent to prison by a military court for a crime they didn't commit... If such "a team" existed I'm sure the place to find them would be one of these bazaars...

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king of foo
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not naughty enough...

These bazaars need to do some really naughty stuff before the police will do anything about them.

You know, like torrenting the next star wars movie. Murderers, rapists, drug barons, PAH, it's those filthy pirates we need to stop!

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Microsoft, rivals together fight US govt's cloud data snatch

king of foo
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in other news...

Microsoft patents privacy...

Apple counter by claiming Steve jobs invented it in 1987.

Google look on in green eyed wonder.

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Senator: Backdoor for the Feds is a backdoor for hackers

king of foo
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Re: Hooray for progress!!

How about we "rename" stuff like this to make it easier for people to "get".

E.g. backdoor = arsehole

"The NSA want to 'tunnel in' through our arseholes to find and catch terrorists"

(So that's where they've been hiding! Might find some WMDs in there too while they're at it...)

The tabloids would love this.

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It's nearly 2015 – and your Windows PC can still be owned by a Visual Basic script

king of foo
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Re: Users want bling

Eye Cancy? Is that what you get when you buy your contact lenses online from a supplier with their distribution centre in Chernobyl?

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king of foo
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gra'ma

Naa, bruvs, u gotsa git daaan wit dem wurdz peeps a speekinz oan streetz. Litracys 4 foos, innit. Y bovva lernin tingz wen textin an twitta getz u.

Bombaclaaaaats!

My A*'s in English Language and English Literature aren't looking particularly relevant now Mrs Simpson... YOU LIED!

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This Christmas, demand the right to a silent night

king of foo
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Re: sometimes...

Lusty, I know this is completely unrelated to the above, but are you an Argonian maid, perchance?

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king of foo
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sometimes...

...it's OK to give shit "service".

It's my weapon against the "disrespectfully disorganised". You know, that senior manager that needs X by 6pm, and only bothers to call you at 5pm, even though it's been one of their "actions" from a meeting that took place 2 months ago.

These mofos guilt trip you into giving up your free time to help them, then proceed to use you as a patsy to explain away any delays or problems that could not be resolved in their miniscule timeframe.

Their disrespect injures not only you, but the service you are able to provide for those respectful enough to give you realistic deadlines.

Their success is fueled their own incompetence. The more you break your back to help them, the worse they get.

Back in the good old days we recognised these people for what they were and "managed" them.

Now we have to worry about kpi's and other such nonsense.

My beautiful, organised chaos doesn't work in an environment populated by the disrespectfully disorganised. It falls over. I myself appear disorganised and disrespectful.

I don't blame our dependence upon technology for this, I blame poor judgement on behalf of HR and recruitment agencies; filling our senior management ranks with narcissistic wankers who in turn give their ignorant friends and family jobs...

Wow, I guess my bad mood from yesterday hasn't improved!!!

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Yotaphone 2: The two-faced pocket-stroker with '100 hours' batt life

king of foo
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Re: Looks really nice.

You mean this ?

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UK slaps 25 per cent 'Google Tax' on tech multinationals

king of foo
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Re: They should pay tax here

Um, remind me what the government spend all that tax on again...

I pay road tax, yet potholes.

I pay income tax, yet unemployment.

Etc.

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Evernote aims at corporate market with new chat feature

king of foo
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no.

Businesses don't like chatty things. You will use your spam ridden email with the 500mb mailbox and 10mb outgoing size limit and your poorly deployed SharePoint on your XP laptop and you will like it or so help me that laptop will take another 10 mins to boot...

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MEPs want 'unbiased search', whatever that is – they're not sure either

king of foo
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Re: unbiased results?

It's called doublethink

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king of foo
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Re: The solution is obvious!

Exactly. However I would counter with the alternative, yet equally compelling name,

Ni!

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Man asks internet for $1k for pebbles. INTERNET SAYS YES

king of foo
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My ancestors are laughing at this insanity. Must be the work of sassenachs. Putting stones in your drink? Whatever next? Worms? Ha.

Wait, wut?

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Brit smut slingers shafted by UK censors' stiff new stance

king of foo
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Re: Normality

Some people don't get sarcasm... Have a thumbs up

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Feds dig up law from 1789 to demand Apple, Google decrypt smartphones, slabs

king of foo
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Re: king of fools bad != stupid

I object to ill thought out laws that do nothing but sacrifice our freedoms in order to make politicians look good to the misguided/misinformed in the run up to the next election by making unsubstantiated claims.

I'd like to see some stats published re the number of crimes solved using the contents of unencrypted personal computers. If it's a high number, and the crimes were serious, I may be persuaded to change my stance on this, but I'd rather have some criminals that are a little harder (but by no means impossible) to catch than live in an Orwellian dystopia with people in positions of authority able to stop me on the street and say "papiere, bitte", without the "bitte". Yes, yes, Godwin's law...

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Sinclair is back with the Spectrum Vega ... just as rubbish as the ZX

king of foo
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now I know

...what I'm getting for Xmas next year...

Last year someone got me a rather crappy looking sonic the hedgehog "plug it in the telly thing".

We got absolutely hammered and completed sonic 1, 2 and 3 in a single sitting. It was epic. Then it broke.

Wow, I'm now imagining an epic chuckie egg session...

Oh

My

God

http://torinak.com/qaop#!chuckieegg

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