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* Posts by king of foo

266 posts • joined 2 Oct 2012

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Redmond top man Satya Nadella: 'Microsoft LOVES Linux'

king of foo
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confused

Why do people rent air again?

Me, I'd buy an air machine, figure out how it works and maybe hire some staff to do the same and maintain it. Those staff could do a few other things as well now and again...

Nah, listen to the execs, just spend money. Nobody ever got fired for buying something. Well, unless you count prostitutes.

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Sign off my IT project or I’ll PHONE your MUM

king of foo
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Re: Toilet breaks?

The last time I, er, shed some weight at work, the bloke in the stall next to me's phone rang - and he answered it.

Queue a raft of deafening farts, coughs, grunts, newspaper ruffling, spits and flushing from the various stalls so it was more than obvious where he was taking the call.

What's that expression? Hive mind?

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king of foo
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Re: Special

It's not always the UATers being lazy/busy.

I've been on the wrong end of too many UAT's that appear to have completely skipped all the previous testing that's supposed to happen. I.e. I spot an issue in 10 seconds then have to waste an hour documenting it and speaking to the devs on the phone. All this without any UAT process/documentation to hand. Oh, you don't need to do any of that, just send us an email saying it's OK. Er, NO, this is EXACTLY why the last 5 releases went to shit. You need your begrudging testers to follow a step by step test process with multiple scenarios because, as mr dabbs says, they don't give a toss; not spend 5 mins tinkering then go sod it, I'm off home "it's fine". It isn't.

I'd guesstimate that a good 70% of UAT is done by people who will never actually use what they are testing, don't bother doing any testing and just sign it off. Of the 30% that do, because they are given no guidance they do a crap job and miss problems.

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Martha Lane Fox: YEUCH! The Internet is MADE by MEN?!?

king of foo
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er

I'm fully aware the downvotes are about to flood in, but, in amongst the tripe and gibberish, doesn't she actually have a point re voting?

Postal voting? Please. Actually turning up, queueing amid the great unwashed, then, snort, using a pen? How quaint.

If I actually believed any of these pompous arseholes and wanted to vote for them, my lazy gene would immediately kick in and insist I sit on the sofa with my feet up and watch the election coverage on TV instead.

If voting is made simple and convenient more people will do it, and it can happen more frequently. If anyone cares.

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Aboard the GOOD SHIP LOLLIPOP, there's a Mobe and a Slab and a TELLYBOX

king of foo
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Re: Urgh - I was really hoping they would pull an "Apple"

I'm using both a 4 and a 5. 1 charges while I'm out using tother, then I swap back and forth.

The 4 is still solid. I didn't "need" to get the 5, but I "wanted" it. I find myself pining for a 6 now.

Oy, Ubuntu, where's my phone, bitch?!?! Take. My. Money.

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Sway: Microsoft's new Office app doesn't have an Undo function

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Re: continuing the trend

PowerPoint did no such thing. I see my fair share of presentations and can guarantee that neither thinking nor facts have anything to do with the godawful mess that finds itself on screen most of the time. If you added up all the hours wasted by middle management types pulling together hideous presentations you could probably rebuild the Eiffel tower, to scale, out of lollipops sticks. After eating said lollipops. Mmmmm lollipops...

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Windows 10: Forget Cloudobile, put Security and Privacy First

king of foo
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Re: Nonsense.

Stop feeding the ac trolls!

Now... if you're (still) struggling with the ribbon interface there are free (as in beer) options at your disposal. You could rock your own vba addon, or, to mess with the actual ribbon xml check out this dude's site; he's a legend

http://www.rondebruin.nl/win/s2/win001.htm

...but I agree, we shouldn't have to resort to this sort of thing at all. So far as I can tell the ribbon is more "finger friendly" and therefore MS don't need to accommodate 2 menu systems, hence a mixture of iPad envy and laziness resulted in the ABOMINATION that is the ribbon.

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Greedy datagrabs, crap security will KILL the Internet of Thingies

king of foo
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sentient fridge

I'm sorry Dave, you're too fat. I replaced your order of bacon with qu-acon.

NNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooo! / do not want

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Red Bull does NOT give you wings, $13.5m lawsuit says so

king of foo
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Wikipedia; on IRN BRU

In response to the Coca Cola 'Share a Coke' campaign, Barr decided to produce thousands of limited edition 750ml bottles of Irn-Bru with the names 'Fanny', 'Senga', 'Rab' and 'Tam' on the label, mimicking that by Coca Cola. The use of the name 'Fanny' ties in with one of Irn-Bru's controversial marketing advertisements.[11]

I did not know this! Genius. Makes me homesick.

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AndroidScript returns to Google Play Store: Ad giant YIELDS TO THE MIGHT OF EL REG

king of foo
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new names:

I like STEMscript, sounds catchy.

Also,

notthefruityonetheotherpopularonenonotthatoneisaidpopularhahawhywouldwecodeforthatitscrap-script

or titscrap-script for short; although they might attract the wrong kind of user...

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Britain’s snooping powers are 'too weak', says NCA chief

king of foo
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Malcolm X, 1965

Nobody can give you freedom. Nobody can give you equality or justice or anything. If you're a man, you take it.

Also, The Prodigy, 1994, nsfw, courtesy of the pootube

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Windows 10's 'built-in keylogger'? Ha ha, says Microsoft – no, it just monitors your typing

king of foo
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target demographic... eh?

If they are really targeting business this time around, shouldn't they be doing this kind of "how people actually use it" investigation using actual, hmmm, business people? I'm not sure your average sales rep spends much time flipping between github and eclipse, occasionally shifting that funny looking mouse thing out of the way so they can top up their caffeine levels before getting back to keyboard ninjary.

Then again, maybe they're still feeling the burn after watching Mr iPad too intently last time around...

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Linux systemd dev says open source is 'SICK', kernel community 'awful'

king of foo
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Re: This is the pot calling the kettle black.

Torvalds is constantly criticised for his choice of language. I'd say it's very good; you can't exactly misinterpret his meaning!

I'm sick of people speaking utter bollocks just because it sounds "professional".

Communicating complex ideas in a manner in which your average Joe can understand is a difficult task so the plainer the language the better. When did I.T. get invaded by PC politicians and project managers?

Also, we need to celebrate characters like torvalds or stallman because they remind the world what true genius looks like; hint, it's not "Mr Suit" with his impeccable style and personal hygiene, it's more like "Sweary Bob" with his odd socks and those mysterious purple stains on that hideous wrinkly tie... what is that? It's gotta be beetroot, right???

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'Encryption will make life very easy for criminals and terrorists'

king of foo
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I can see the new MS ads now...

Buy an unencrypted government friendly windows mobile; people won't think you're a child molesting terrorist...

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I'll show you the D next week – billionaire space baron Elon Musk

king of foo
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Re: Obviously...

"Beat" me to it...

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Microsoft's nightmare DEEPENS: Windows 8 market share falling fast

king of foo
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pwetty cuwors

I like how vista and 8.x are nicely clustered together. Maybe a nice shade of brown for each would make the chart even prettier...

Does this mean that w8 users are going -1 instead of +0.1? Or -w

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One Windows? How does that work... and WTF is a Universal App?

king of foo
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...the power of love

MS have somehow invented a time machine. It's 1993 and the world is a happy place. A google is a naughty word and apple are spiraling towards obscurity.

Or that's what it feels like reading the word "universal" used with such smug arrogance.

2 words; WAKE UP

Snrrrrt! Hakkkkk! Cough! Yaaaawn.

Oh shit. It's 2014.

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Windows 10: One for the suits, right Microsoft? Or so one THOUGHT

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Re: Tiles should replace icons fully - everywhere.

So... Choice = good. New start menu gives me the choice to use either the familiar or the new, and to remove the new if I don't like it. Logical.

Happy bunnies all round. Now... don't stop there MS, you're on a roll! The next update to MS Office 2007+ should let us choose to use the ribbon or return to using menus... and why not allow live tile fans to add some of them to the ribbon too? And have the ribbon as a sidebar if we want? And nuke it if we want.

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Microsoft WINDOWS 10: Seven ATE Nine. Or Eight did really

king of foo
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Re: Where's the killer app?

...in 2020

They've well and truly missed the boat re XP emigration.

Stop Fing about with the GUI and focus on delivering security, stability and compatibility/emulation. If windows could run anything/everything easily business would fall back in love with it. The hardware has got to the point where this is absolutely possible. The thing about "clouds" is that they drop this wet stuff on you and sometimes kill you with electricity. A return to client side applications may well happen. And they may well be iOS or android apps. How good would it be if windows could just run these "natively"? And we don't need them to be full screen... there's this concept that's been around for a while now where you run stuff in little "windows"...

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king of foo
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X

I wonder how long before me arties finds me treasures. Arrrr.

Should be easier to find the off button as well now...

Er, files...

It's never ending

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king of foo
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Re: Still a big nono..

Nice. No full screen crapps, a start button, a familiar interface, say it ain't so... there must be a catch...

...it can't run crysis

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king of foo
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Re: "... we’re not building an incremental product"

Xcremental surely

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king of foo
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Re: @Bob Vistakin

Nein...

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TEEN RAMPAGE: Kids in iPhone 6 'Will it bend' YouTube 'prank'

king of foo
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breaking news

Thin, mostly metal objects are bendy.

Thin, mostly plastic objects are snappy.

I suspect if we thawed out "Ugg" from his ten thousand year slumber he would understand this concept.

This is only a design flaw if the bending or snapping takes place through general expected day to day use; e.g. in your pocket. This still beats it exploding and blowing your cock off though, so progress!

And before the anti apple brigade get all upset, I've never before purchased an apple device for myself (iPads for presents) and don't intend to start now.

It's pretty safe to say that 100% of tablets and phablets will bend or snap, given a little pressure. And perhaps 70% of smart phones, depending on the size and shape.

They'll be saying the screens smash when you drop them from a 23rd story window next. .

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Japan develops robot CHEERLEADERS which RIDE on BALLS

king of foo
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E X T R E M E skittles/ten pin bowling

These should be redesigned so that they dodge the ball when you're bowling, and mock you.

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FBI boss: Apple's iPhone, iPad encryption puts people 'ABOVE THE LAW'

king of foo
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Re: Biter Bit

Agreed. I don't know what the exact crime stats are, but the police/government would have you believe that there are more criminals out there than honest, law abiding citizens. This is utter bollocks. You don't burn your house down to protect your family from a pyromaniac, you get a decent fire alarm and make sure you pay your taxes so you have a decent friendly neighbourhood fireman to come and save you, and a decent policewoman to find the criminal and bring them to justice. THEN you find them after their 2 week holiday, sorry, life sentence, beat them, pour petrol all over them and burn them alive in a sacrifice to the great firehawk...

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Let it go, Steve: Ballmer bans iPads from his LA Clippers b-ball team

king of foo
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ignorant Brit here;

...but I thought he was renaming them the Clippy's

"It looks like you're trying to play netball..."

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Le whoops! Microsoft France boss blows lid off 'Windows 9' event

king of foo
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too bad...

Nobody in business will ever see it. Move along please,nothing to see here.

Business will likely be ready for an upgrade from w7 in 2020 (I'm expecting a new windows "vision" or some other such play on pilots/clarity/whatever) so will skip 8+9 entirely. Unless 10 is really shit, in which case 9 would be the new 7.

Let's pray that by then the os doesn't matter any more and we're all using our knew "nappy interface" where taking a dump has a new (but somehow old) meaning...

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king of foo
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oh no

You absolute ***** lol - now I'm going to have Stephen Fry's camp German accent in my head whenever I think or see windows 9.

Maybe I can force it into Rammstein instead.

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EU dangles $6bn threat over Google in endless search abuse probe

king of foo
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it's a ****** website...

They could make the top 10 pages of results all be links to pictures of toilets if they felt like it.

If a business transaction is taking place where gooogle are being paid for promoting results then so what? It would surely only be a legal issue if they pocketed the cash and didn't promote those results, eh? Usually the law is grounded in common sense, it's only NEW laws written by capitalist pigs that don't make sense.

Brussels, go home.

What if I made a map; a paper one, and put pictures on it of what I deemed to be key landmarks. You know, bars, supermarkets, rubbish dumps etc. Then i gave it away to people, for free. I didnt walk up to them and shove it in their face, i just left a stack of them on a table with a sign saying "free maps". Would I get the EU whinging at me for not putting pictures of charity shops on there? I don't see how a search engine is any different. Look, here are some things we found for you. You are under no obligation to use them or indeed our website. Also, look, here's an advert for a toilet... and a free map...

Right, I'm off for a pee...

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Man, its smartphones are SQUARE. But will BlackBerry make a comeback with them?

king of foo
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Are you sure its not a rhombus?

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Surprise: if you work from home you need the Internet

king of foo
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Re: continued prosperity?

Hmmm. This was meant to be a witty response to the first post.

Never mind.

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king of foo
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continued prosperity?

What country do you live in????

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JINGS! Microsoft Bing called Scots indyref RIGHT!

king of foo
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Re: bing ka-shing!

Interestingly this doesn't work in chrome browser on KitKat.

Nice work ms.

Hmmm... a bit like advertising in Gaelic...

Google trends is an alternative approach, and appears to favour a yes vote.

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PLEASE STOP with the snooping requests, begs Google as gov data demands skyrocket

king of foo
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the power of delete + death by red tape

No. Sorry. We deleted that.

(They can still model and profile users based on the data they do have before deleting it.)

User x is a B61.4a.

Oh, thanks. Can I see their emails?

Ok, but not their deleted ones. Right, your request has been logged and will be published publicly in 6 months time and the person concerned will be informed directly. If you need a 3 month extension we will require a court order within 5 months.

Er, but this is a case of national security.

Here, fill in form 27c in triplicate and mail it to the idgaf department. They will liaise with our legal team and get back to you in 7 months time.

But...

Here's your data. We have complied with your request. Is there anything else we can help you with today?

What's a B61.4a

That's an internal user rating.

But what does it mean?

I don't know. It's a computer generated code. Here's form 42d...

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Huawei ditches new Windows Phone mobe plans, blames poor sales

king of foo
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Re: Just as my phone got 8.1

Eh? I'll admit that 8.1 is pretty good, but so is KitKat. When comparing like for like there isn't a great deal of difference if you ignore the fanboyism. Personally I favour android but that doesn't mean I wouldn't get something else next time I change my phone.

What is this Bluetooth integration you speak of? The only Bluetooth I use is when connecting to the parrot in my car, and I've had no issues with that.

I'm surprised more OEM's haven't told ms where to stick their mobile os after what they've done with surface and Nokia. What ms should fear now is not the shift from desktops and laptops to tablets and phones but rather the android invasion from tablets and phones to laptops and desktops! Their current strategy does exactly nothing to address this and the total lack of "sameness" from XP to 8.x and the ribbonisation means users are left wondering "wtf how do I use this" which plays right into the hands of the competition. They just haven't capitalised on this. The #1 reason for sticking with windows is continuity and ms have "pissed all over" that.

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Microsoft's rumoured $2.5bn Minecraft gobble expected on Monday

king of foo
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methinks

They're gonna need more blue blocks...

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Italy's High Court orders HP to refund punter for putting Windows on PC

king of foo
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Re: OEM Pricing?

Are you talking about windows 3.1?

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Found inside ISIS terror chap's laptop: CELINE DION tunes

king of foo
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nope

No way am I clicking that link.

This is what I hear

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What's an Ultrabook? Now Intel touts 2-in-1 typoslabs to save PC biz

king of foo
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I want

...my laptop and/or tablet "shell" with a slot for docking my (full desktop OS) smartphone, simultaneously charging it and letting me get work done. It's being experimented with - 1 example, sans "phone":

http://www.cnx-software.com/2014/01/19/ice-xpc-modular-x86-computer-is-as-small-as-a-smartphone-crowdfunding/

I like this concept a lot - if only it had a touch screen and mobi hardware incorporated into the design. SOON.

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BBC Trust candidate defends licence fee, says evaders are CRIMINALS

king of foo
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@irrelevant response

You do not need a TV licence to listen to the radio just like you don't need one to go for a dump.

And I wasn't comparing content, but...

UK produced original content like "strictly come wanking"? Actually, that I'd watch. On channel 5.

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king of foo
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Re: Not bad value really

I disagree.

£145/12= £12 per month

That's extortionate when compared with "non live TV" alternatives Amazon prime and Netflix costing HALF THAT.

Sky is not a fair comparator as a premium is charged for sport and movies, and exclusive content from the likes of hbo that would never be broadcast by the BBC.

I used to watch BBC breakfast before work and of course the news, and the f1 before they sold most of it to sky, but now I don't watch any BBC content. I should cancel. The BBC should be VERY AFRAID - I hadn't realised it was possible to stop paying, and I won't be alone... crap I don't watch vs BOTH Netflix and Amazon prime for the same money? No brainer.

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'Sony and Twitch' hacking crew Lizard Squad: 'We quit'

king of foo
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"hacking"

More like "coughing"

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BBC: We're going to slip CODING into kids' TV

king of foo
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Re: Goto considered harmful...

http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/G0-T0

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king of foo
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Re: Foundations

TEACHERS TEACHERS TEACHERS.

You're absolutely right. Most teachers can't tell their XP from their w7 from their ms office, and rightly so. Teachers need to have a solid understanding first, and I'd say this is a completely different kettle of fish from, say, teaching kids about WW2.

Planning? Ugh. Boring. Way to suck all the fun out of coding/programming. The best way to learn is to fail, to fail BIG, not to temporarily absorb data into your brain for the purposes of passing tests/exams, then promptly forgetting all but the least useful bits.

However, I think what you say there also makes a lot of sense and should be a part of the curriculum somewhere... I just think it should be taught separately from the coding/programming to ensure maximum fun/engagement.

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king of foo
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#slurpsvictorygin

Existing geeks don't make good cyber warriors; we are too old and opinionated - and we remember a world before CCTV and intrusive surveillance. We are too much like Winston.

Enter the new hip young naive pliable cyber kids who don't "get" our point of view, and probably never will.

I imagine that's the government thinking anyway.

Dangerous...

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Windows 7 settles as Windows XP use finally starts to slip … a bit

king of foo
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Re: Microsoft? Talk to users? ROFLMAO.

(3) Continue to roll out 'THE' number one office/productivity suite in the world, which remains so to this day, encouraging end users (businesses and Jo Public) and software companies/developers alike to buy into the OS dependency.

I agree with a lot of what you said, however you have to give credit where it's due. Personally I'd like (3) not to exist, it's the #1 reason for going with windows over, say, apple or gnu/Linux/Unix, and I think it's an appalling heap of shite, but I'm not your average buyer, I'm just a user/victim.

Things are changing, just a little slowly. MS have some very strong hooks in corporate IT. All that training/certification; why would you chuck it in the bin and start afresh with something new? Even if it is arguably "better"? MS will continue to dominate; I just wish they'd, well, regain my respect and learn from past mistakes.

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king of foo
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summer holidays/vacations

Skewey skewey skewey skewey data.

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Google flushes out users of old browsers by serving up CLUNKY, AGED version of search

king of foo
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'The' reason to update anything is and has always been safety. Speed/features are (sometimes) nice too, but it's the security aspect that makes updating (a) necessary (evil).

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BOFH: The current value of our IT ASSets? Minus eleventy-seven...

king of foo
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Re: Sharon - FTFY

My alias:

Juan Kehr

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