* Posts by psychonaut

705 posts • joined 11 Sep 2012

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Eugene Kaspersky is now personally defending your feet

psychonaut
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Re: What a pity

i dont think you'd need any prophylactics after looking at his face

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psychonaut
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Coat

im assuming

now even your tootsies can be SSL compliant with kaspersky's new Secure Sock-ets Layer

coat? TAXI!

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Vegans furious as Bank of England admits ‘trace’ of animal fat in £5 notes

psychonaut
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if you are going to have a priciple

then stick by it. dont use the fivers. its your principle (could be religious, vegan, etc, whatever) and it may inconvenience you. thats half of the point isnt it? its your problem, deal with it, dont whine about it.

ive never met a vegan (ive not met many but one of my close friends is one) who has stopped driving due to all the innocent flies they kill whilst driving around. its too inconvenient she (and the other few i have asked whn i come across them) says. it only seems to be a principle when its convenient.

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HTC and OnePlus spruce up flagships for Santa's sack

psychonaut
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start all new phone aritcles

with :

removable battery: yes / no

sd slot: yes / no

would make it easier (for me at least) to figure out if its worth reading about anything else, like, as the guy above said, "BoomSound Audio Adaptive"....double plus get to fuck

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Outlook outage outrage

psychonaut
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get it hosted

by someone who isnt a total cock.

use a local, small sized, dedicated hosting firm. hosted exchange is bloody lovely if it s looked after by the right people.

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psychonaut
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they left out....

thanks to psychonaut for tipping us off...

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Low-end notebook, rocking horse shit or hen's teeth

psychonaut
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Re: News? Or "olds"?

got feedback from customer who bought the x250 with the extended battery that i sold her - lasted her from friday afternoon till 3pm monday. dont know exactly what her usage was or how hard she was using it, but she asked for a very long battery life presumably cos she uses it a lot, its pretty impressive.

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psychonaut
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Re: News? Or "olds"?

its not a sammy battery....its a sammy ssd

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psychonaut
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Re: new entry level laptops

second hand lenovo x250.....put big battery in....20 hours claimed life.

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psychonaut
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Re: News? Or "olds"?

second hand lenovo x250. put samsung 850 pro in it. put the big battery in it (about 60 quid)....apparantly lasts "up to 20 hours". even if its half of whats claimed, its exceptional.

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psychonaut
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new entry level laptops

they all seem woefully underpowered. get a 3 or 4 year old machine with a dual core intel, bung a samsung 850 pro ssd in it. if it has 3 or more gb of ram, it will outperforms the new entry level stuff anyway. put win 7 on it, happy days.

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Irish eyes are crying: Tens of thousands of broadband modems wide open to hijacking

psychonaut
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bobby tables

great handle!!

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Dyn Dyn Dyn – we have a buyer: Oracle gobbles Internet of Things DDoS victim

psychonaut
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Re: Business process...

1)buy dyn

2) install adobe reader and mcafee for every dns search

3) money!!

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Why I just bought a MacBook Air instead of the new Pro

psychonaut
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Keyboard / battery replacement

Just take it to a local it shop. They'll replace keyboard and battery for you. As it's an apple they'll probably charge you extra but you'll get the whole thing done for less than 150 quid and probably the same day

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psychonaut
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Re: Tools not toys...

X1 carbons are superb. You can pick up a second hand 8gb 256gb ssd one for about 400 quid. They aren't upgradeable though but they do run win 7 very nicely indeed

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User needed 40-minute lesson in turning it off and turning it on again

psychonaut
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Re: My Favorite

it does ring a bell huh? maybe cos theres a grain of truth in it...

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psychonaut
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Re: A gender thing?

no daughters...just 2 boys. and 5 nephews. no chance of that in my family im afraid!

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psychonaut
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Re: The Register Annual 2017 - you read it here first

i doubt its made up. people can be stupid, arrogant and beligerent. i had to have someone send me a picture of the back of their pc so as i could put a ring around the vga socket on the pci graphics card (in paint) instead of the motherboard graphics card and send it back to him, even though, after 15 minutes of them calling me all manner of things and insisting that it wasnt there and that the pc wasnt working (he's plugged the monitor into the motherboard vga socket instead of the pci graphcs card, it wouldnt display from that port. i knew trhis was the problem from the minute he phoned me, but he wouldnt have it)

he even blamed me afterwards for not being able to point it out over the phone. theres only so many ways you can tell someone to look for the same colour, same shape socket but a bit more towards the floor on a piece of real estate that is at best about 20 cm by 40.

the guy is an fucking idiot and his behavior is always like this, its never his fault whatever happens (he decided to upgrade 2 of the office machines to win 10 against my advice, and all the file shares and security went to shit, as well as the network card disconnecting randomly until new drivers were released about 4 months ago...would he let me change the network card? would he f*ck) , but most importantly, he doesnt actually listen to what you are telling him and just blames you for it not working instead of maybe realising that it is his fault.

i think this is why you are getting the downvotes

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psychonaut
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Re: Similar experience

i have a user (he's 92) who has always used his mouse upside down. its what he knows and it works for him...

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psychonaut
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Re: The mouse that never worked in the afternoon..

blimey - good work there guys.

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psychonaut
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Re: F+1+2?

ive learned the same lessons, but the problem with this is that the worst users will say "yes im doing it im doing it" when they dont actually listen to what you are telling them in the first place.

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psychonaut
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Re: What do you mean by "click"?

haha ! you an me both mate. if you cant use a keyboard then you really need to be in a job without IT requirements. ive not had it that bad, but nearly.

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psychonaut
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it just goes on and on

its not to do with jargon, although yes, it could be. but when we are dealing with this kind of user sometimes i lose faith that people can actually function at all in the modern world.

the power button issue. i see this too. imagine its a tv. can you use your tv? yes you can. well, its the same symbol, the same principal, it has a button. it needs to be turned on. usually the same one turns it off. how can you not know this?

if i asked someone the make of their car, they would go and figure it out. ask them the make of their pc....err, is it a microsoft?

people turn the monitor on and off when asked to turn the pc off and back on quite regularly.

ive had a customer who said "oh, no i dont deal with that, my husband would have to be asked" when i asked her if she had any 4 way mains adaptors/plug boards anywhere. that wasnt jargon, i explained it in many different ways, it was just a total almost religious denial that such a thing could be comprehended by her.

it wasnt that she didnt know what they were, it was that they basically dont exist in her universe. eeeuuurghhh i cant deal with it - someone else help!

ive had people manage to jam usb cables into ethernet sockets (they just about fit - try diagnosing that one over the phone....it took a while)

this is a transcript of a job that i had that i summarised and emailed to another technician:

So I've been trying to figure out what the fuck is going on this blokes machine.

Remotely, I fixed outlook for him, rebooted and he said the screen was blank.

I could see his screen and use it.

Check monitor is ok. Its fine

Teamviewer said there were 2 monitors.

So I moved a window over to the second monitor and he could see it.

So I said, ok, so the right hand screen is ok, but the other screen is blank though.

Repeat:

What other screen he said?

I said, the other screen that you have

Until frustration = how fucking stupid are you

So I look in device manager. 2 screens. I check the graphics properties. Extend desktop is on, showing 2 screens.

I update graphics driver.

I search the web. 2 other people on the planet have had issues with this. none of the fixes work.

I eventually figure out that he has plugged the same monitor, which has a vga and a hdmi port, into the same pc, with both cables.

ive got a guy who has called me 3 times in the last month because his speakers dont work. every fucking time they arent turned on.

theres the users that, when yopu say "right, can you see this on the screen, it must be there" immediately say "no, its not there, i keep telling you" and get all pissed off. they havent even had the time to look properly, they dont bother, and it is there, they just havent seen it. these people are a problem,

i love the earlier comment "they stopped thinking, and so called support" (im paraphrasing possibly) - but its true. a lot of people freak out and forget, or dont have the inbuilt tools, to deal with tech in the way they would deal with any other kind of problem their brains just dissolve.

it used to really piss me off, im much better at it now, i find it funny more than anything these days, but blimey, its a shitty irritating job sometiimes.

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Mac book, whoa! Apple unveils $300 design tome

psychonaut
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Get aluminium. Get glue. Make components accessible. ..no fuck that, let's make them take the flimsy glass plate off then the screen too, more glue. Deliberately cripple thermal sensor so you can't change hard drive. Put really strong magnets next to the screws that hold the screen in so it takes fucking ages to put them back in. Now the mac book. ..how many screws for the keyboard. 20? Nah...fuck em, make it 50 and get this, make em tiny. Make retina screen changeable? Nah make em replace the whole top half. Mix it all up in a blender. More aluminium. Bosch. Job done.

Love, Johnny.

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Is password security at just $1/month too expensive for most?

psychonaut
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Logmein

Bitter experience with lmi pricing a few years back suggests price hikes to come soon in the region of 10 times what you are currently paying. And/ or they will pull the free service with a few days notice

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Let's praise Surface, not bury it

psychonaut
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Core 2 duo

There's really no need in the mass market for new kit. 4 or 5 years old. bung ssd in. 4gb ram. WIN 7. Will do just about any day to day office / home user task imaginable. Hp elite 8000 sff for instance. 50 quid. 128gb 850 pro 70 quid. Heck, chuck in an nvidia 210 1gb card for 18 quid if you want. Outperforms most new win 10 desktops and a shit load more reliable and no win 10 bullshit. My suppliers constantly run out of c2d ...they sell boat loads of them as do I.

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Smoking hole found on Mars where Schiaparelli lander, er, 'landed'

psychonaut
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Hi res not needed

The big object is clearly the remains of a whale and the smaller looks like petunias....

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Drone exercise will transform future naval warfare, says Navy

psychonaut
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hey, at least we could actually put some flying things on our new aircraft carriers. if they just went to maplin and bought 10,000 kids copters it would save us all a forutne, and be fucking awesome. imagine a swarm of them descending on the isis hq.

ow. whats that ow. bloody helicopter just nearly took my eye out. aah. get off....oh my god....LOOOOOK as the grey cloud of toddler raptors envelops them........thats no cloud....RUN! RUUUUUN

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Smell burning? Samsung’s 'Death Note 7' could still cause a contagion

psychonaut
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anybody got any idea what phone i should get now?

needs...big screen, removable battery. sd slot. water proof / resistant would be nice. big battery.

doesnt seem to be much out there.

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psychonaut
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Re: Note 7 was never the best Android phone by far

bloody hell. didnt read hardly any of that, but yes, the note 3 was great, camera was a bit shit in low light though. the 4 isnt much better though and ive had some issues with call quality on it.

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psychonaut
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Re: Disagree with general consensus here...

yup, i can kill a battery so that it lasts about half the time compared to when it was new in about 9 months.gps, bluettoth, wifi , 4g, all the toys get used all day long. oh, and phone calls obviously. i dont want to have to wander around with a fucking heavy battery pack in my pocket all day. pull back off, new battery for 20 quid or so and im good to go. i was so dissapointed when the note 7 didnt have a removable battery and was looking around for a new phone (its upgrade time now!!) ...im kinda glad it didnt have a removable battery now.

what gets me is that noone makes a waterproof (to like 1m , so it can survive a fall into, say, a sink or a toilet for a small period of time, i dont want to scuba dive with the bloody thing) phone with a removable battery. its not impossible is it? rubber membrane and screws, pig vat, KY, whatever. make the thing 2mm thicker or whatever. my phone is already massive, im not going to worry about it being a bit thicker. and put a bigger battery in it while you are at it.

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Samsung halts production of Galaxy Note 7

psychonaut
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Re: A lesson to be learnt

its not about changing it day to day, its about knackering the thing so it only holds half its charge within 9 months. bung a new battery in, good to go for 9 months again at full capacity.

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psychonaut
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Re: Waterproof

Yes exactly. All you need are some screws and a rubber strip and maybe some pig fat. Alright you can't go diving with that but it's definately good enough for dropping it in the sink

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'Please label things so I can tell the difference between a mouse and a microphone'

psychonaut
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You are not alone

I get that once every few months too

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When Pornhub meets the Internet of Fridges

psychonaut
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finally....

somewhere i can keep the fanny batter fresh for weeks

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A year living with the Nexus 5X – the good, the bad, and the Nougat

psychonaut
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Re: Nexii?

surely it should be Nazi? i mean it has an SS (superspeed) usb port as well. what more evidence do we need?

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Ordinary punters will get squat from smart meters, reckons report

psychonaut
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Re: No, thank you.

"That works for a while, but the supplier still has to do a real check once a year to ensure you aren't lying."

thats a fair point, i hadnt thought of that.

are we saying though that they will truest the smart meters to report the truth forever without having a man to check? how long till someone hacks them and releases the details on the web....could be fun

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Official: Windows 10 has hit the 400 million device mark

psychonaut
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Re: How many

there we go...sage borked by win 10 update. not that sage have any great things to shout about, but any more evidence needed for the win 10 "oohh its great it works on my machine and i can do email and everything!" brigade?

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psychonaut
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Re: Windows 10: Fine for the elite, but caution against the unweary.

all joking aside, i hope your mum is ok mate.

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psychonaut
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Re: Why oh why

citation? theres not a wikipedia entry for it numb nuts. it happened to my customers, against my advice. do you think i am making this up?

if you have a sample size of 1 pc, and win 10 works, happy fucking days.

if you look after many hundreds of them day in day out, you might have a different opinion, like mine, which is based on what i see from a large number of pc's from individuals to companies with 30 odd machines in them.

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psychonaut
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Re: How many

you may be right.....fuck knows what im going to do after the midle of 2020. unless windows 9 comes out.

i named my son, Rico,,after a penguin, so maybe theres a hint there

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psychonaut
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Re: How many

no, they swallow MS's bullshit.

yeah, i got my numbers wrong there. still, ive done 2 more this evening so thats something....

im sitting on the small business coalface and i can tell you win 10 is a disaster. go 10 if you like, its your customers' funeral

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psychonaut
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Re: On the rise?

on the other hand, its rarely not "time of the month" with sage. fucking sage. i look after several accountancy practices. its many many tentacled applications (one practice runs 8 different sage products) constantly need updating or babysitting.

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psychonaut
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Re: Windows 10: Fine for the elite, but caution against the unweary.

" it was hard enough replacing my Mom's OS X iBook with a Windows 8 Dell Laptop!!

you should be kinder to your mum in future,

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psychonaut
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i make my living out of MS. win 10 is a pile of shit

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Yahoo! Mail! down?! Great! timing! as! more! US! senators! dogpile! hacked! web! giant!

psychonaut
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Re: compalints

thats fair, but pay peanuts etc

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psychonaut
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compalints

about free services always make me laugh. how much are you paying? whats that? fuck all? hmmm...guess how much support / reliability you're going to get? yes thats right....it begins with f and ends with uckall

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Elon Musk: I'm gonna turn Mars into a $10bn death-dealing interplanetary gas station

psychonaut
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where he suspects jobs will constantly be in demand.

Well that'd be a great place to send him. We'll have to put up with Apple saying that they invented Mars for the rest of eternity though

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Microsoft paid me $650 to scrub Windows 10 from my grandpa's PC, says man

psychonaut
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Compensation department

I met a lady on holiday who works at the ms compensation dept in Thames valley park, Reading. I only got talking to her at the airport on the way home so didn't get much info. I didn't even know the dept existed. She said she had been busy recently...

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6-in-10 punters return their self-destructing Samsung Galaxy Note 7

psychonaut
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Not every phone will explode – only a small percentage

because, you know, its more fun that way.

exploding phones aside, has anybody actually got one of these that doesnt explode? if so...is it any good?

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