* Posts by psychonaut

360 posts • joined 11 Sep 2012

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Hole in (Number) Two: MYSTERY golf-course pooper strikes again

psychonaut
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Re: possible new superhero

if the criminal turns out to be Clergy, we could have

"The Turtle and Teastrainer Boy in the case of the shitter Vicar : Touching Cloth"

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psychonaut
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Re: possible new superhero

dont forget his sidekick,

Teastrainer boy

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psychonaut
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possible new superhero

"The Turtle"

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Ashley Madison invites red-faced cheats to bolt stable door for free

psychonaut
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Re: Asking nicely always works wonders

and as we all know, one swallow does not a summer make. but it does make you smile! (well, every once in a blue moon now ive been going out with my fiancee for 10 years....could be worse, we could be married)

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We put Windows 10 on a small fondleslab: STILL not ready, 3 days to go

psychonaut
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Re: All around the world and I, I, I, cant find my . . .

Its quicker to download Everything, instal it and use it than it is to search for something using windows. Been using it for ages. Cant understand why MS havent bought them/copied them

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HP slaps dress code on R&D geeks: Bin that T-shirt, put on this tie

psychonaut
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lets start a new craze

if everyone who is forced to wear a tie does the following:

extend the thin bit of the tie with string or something similar, or just buy a very long tie.

attach string / tie end to your penis, make it obvious that the string extends into your boxers/pants

every 5 minutes, pull the tie, smile a bit, maybe dribble every 3rd time

its important to note that you wouldnt actually have to attach the string to your penis. once this has enough momentum, the mere sight of the string, and eventually, the action of just pulling your tie and smiling will prevent the whole planet from wearing ties.

just a thought.

EDIT:

i realise i am being a bit sexist here, but surely noone makes chicks wear ties? maybe we could do something with a servo and a love egg. im still musing on it.

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Help! Our Virgin Media TiVo boxes are stuck in a loop! Help! Our Virgin..

psychonaut
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Re: 24 hour time

a downvote! hilarious! presumably from the committee for the integration and deliberate confusion of time formats

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psychonaut
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Why dont you...

Just switch off your tivo set and go and do something less boring instead....

You could always watch a dvd.

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psychonaut
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Re: 24 hour time

Yes! 05.00pm. You fucking morons.

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Pluto Pic: Is it a DOG? Is it a HEART? Or is it ... is it ... BIGFOOT?

psychonaut
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yeah, i thought that too.

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Apple proffers FREE iCLOUD SUBS to tackle Greek debt crisis

psychonaut
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great sentiment, bit cheeky to claim that it wasnt around before the bible though....otherwise, there wouldnt have been many people around to have invented the bible in the first place...

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Oil & gas? Pah. We’ve got a MASSIVE 3D printer, beams Dubai

psychonaut
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Re: During the meanwhile ...

the problem with adobe houses are legion:

1) every few weeks a team of specialists has to come round to patch up the holes in the original building

2) every now and again your house refuses to let you in due to clouds

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Cisco gobbles OpenDNS, sorts out cloud security portfolio

psychonaut
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Re: "of nearly 50 billion devices by 2020"

Each of which will talk to your smart light bulb mesh, then to the smartmeter. It may even go via the smart eggs your missus is, uh, wearing

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Crowdfunded beg-a-thon to bail out Greece raises 0.003% of target

psychonaut
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oh you dirty bint! thats beautiful!

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Hacked US OPM boss: We'll fix our IT security – just give us $21 million

psychonaut
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"oh, weve got both kinds...country and western"

extra firewalls.....mcafee AND norton?

love, Jake and Elwood.

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Vodafone hikes prices to 37.5p/min – and lets angry customers flee

psychonaut
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one net

aargh. i saw an email about this the other day and filed it without really reading it. im using one net, so they have my virtual land line numbers permanently directed to my mobile.

anyone know of any alternatives? i already pay them 45 quid a month and theres always extra charges

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Holy SSH-it! Microsoft promises secure logins for Windows PowerShell

psychonaut
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Re: GPL or who cares....

gpart?

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Mass break-in: researchers catch 22 more routers for the SOHOpeless list

psychonaut
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saw this in the wild yesterday

a netgear router. dns was set to somewhere claiming to be something to do with an american defence comany (once id whois'd the dns ip address) cant remember exactly what. it was injecting ads into all the devices on then network and remote management had been turned on. the clue was that it effected their ipad and 2 pc's with exactly the same ads.

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Windows 10 upgrade ADWARE forces its way on to Windows 7 and 8.1

psychonaut
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an in place upgrade...its as if

millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror, and were suddenly silenced. I fear something terrible has happened.

except with windows obviously. a fucking in place upgrade. with an untested os on release day.

i really need a mass mailing program to contact all of my customers. they will just click it and then....i wont be able to do anything other than reimage win 7 machines for the next 6 months. i'll go crazy.

help!

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psychonaut
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oh dear god

im going to have to contact all my customers . anyone know of a good mass mailing program that isnt very expensive?

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WOODEN computer chips reveal humanity's cyber elf future

psychonaut
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so that crap 80's electronics company "Bush" had the right idea...they were just before their time...

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F*cking DLL! Avast false positive trashes Windows code libraries

psychonaut
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Re: So bad, but not as bad as when McAfee

I'd get a different doctor next time if he wanted to give you a kidney stone

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Revealed: The AMAZING technology behind Apple's $1299 Retina MacBooks – a lot of glue

psychonaut
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Re: macbook keyboard

i see the fanbois are out downvoting....hilarious! how can you downvote a post because I say its difficult to repair it when it blatantly is??

not that i give a shit. its all gravy.

ooh..he slagged off my shiny thing! i know whatll hurt...there, take that! a downvote, yeah! really sticking it to the man!

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psychonaut
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macbook keyboard

replaced one of these recently.

in addition to having to remove everything in the laptop to get at it, there are 50 screws holding it in place.

50.

and they are tiny.

having watched a video of replacing it before quoting, i jacked up the the labour quote hoping the customer would go away somewhere else , but his response was (and this is verbatim)

"I understand the price, it seems that anything involving apple is doubled in price immediately!"

you wanna replace a retina screen? apple charge £700 for the part - actyually, its not the screen, its the whole top half. you can buy a (non apple) retina replacement screen for £100. dont try it yourself, its fucking impossible without cutting yourself to ribbons as they have glued a 0.5mm thick screen to the chassis. glued it. ffs!

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Welcome to the FUTURE: Maine cops pay Bitcoin ransom to end office hostage drama

psychonaut
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Re: Wouldn't fly in my office @Crazy

actually, dropbox keeps the last 5 file versions. although a roll back with that would be a pain in the arse one file by one file.

i use carbonite, which keeps the last 5 versions. too, but additionally, if someone gets hit with crypto, carbonite have a dedicated team.

they can tell when the infection hit (by a massive spike in uploaded files ...as they are encrypted, they change, and carbonite dutifully uploads it). they can then roll the backup back to before it happened. then you download your clean data.

its £42 per year. its peanuts. its really really worth it. (ok, so server versions are more expensive but its only a few hundred quid a year).

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Google wants Marvin the Paranoid Android's personality in the cloud

psychonaut
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thats not marvin

Proper picture please

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Jailed Brit con phishes prison, gets bail

psychonaut
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missed a potentially scam busting typo

" but only noticed as missing three days when after solicitors turned up to meet him in prison."

He's not the only one then

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UK spaceport, phase two: Now where do we PUT the bleeding thing?

psychonaut
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Gibraltar?

nearer the equator. also, you could use the connecting road between Gibraltar and the part of spain we havent yet annexed as the runway.

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Ads watchdog: Er, what does woman in her undies have to do with ‘slim’ phone?

psychonaut
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shirley...

all ads should be like this. then they just change the product at the end. providing of course, you havent gone blind by the end of the advert.

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STOP! Pebble Time: New color watch clocks up $5m on Kickstarter

psychonaut
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Re: FFS

we'll see how your mini elephant goes against my mini giraffe idea.

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psychonaut
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Re: Meh...

to be fair, he didnt say underwater depth. im guessing he's living in a deep, dark hole - the location of which is possibly inside his own arse

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Glad you're not on the Anthem hacker hit list? Not so fast – millions more affected

psychonaut
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Re: tn?

roger roger, charlie tango teakettle barbeque. see you next tuesday.

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German music moguls slammed for 'wurst ever DMCA takedown spam'

psychonaut
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Re: die die die

"I confess that I am so out of touch with Hollywood that when I saw a German cinema advertising "Die Hard" I got out my dictionary to find out what a "Hard" was."

Die Hard - if im lucky, thats the way i'll go out....

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Your hard drives were RIDDLED with NSA SPYWARE for YEARS

psychonaut
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Grzegorz Brzeczyszczykiewicz

well, thats very easy for you to say.

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ACHTUNG! Scary Linux system backdoor turns boxes into DDoS droids

psychonaut
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name it after the traditional submariners "device" for autopleaseure. wankSOCKS

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SWINGBELLIES! Take heed! Drinking WINE is good for your LIVER

psychonaut
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Re: Good news!

if you must subject the wine to another vessel, you need one of these

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Giant-Wine-Glass-glass-bottle/dp/B000HT1YSG

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psychonaut
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Angel

Re: Good news!

whadyamean you use a glass?

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Air-slurping solar battery will slice energy costs – boffins

psychonaut
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solar panels life is 30 or 40 years

what about the battery? nowhere near is my guess.

"watt" is the point?

throw em away after how many cycles and get new ones. is Apple behind this?

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Symantec sees profits crash ahead of corporate divorce

psychonaut
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Norton

"Consumer security - Norton - slipped 11 per cent to $461m"

glad i'm having some effect on that hideous pile of crap.

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Enough is ENOUGH: It's time to flush Flash back to where it came from – Hell

psychonaut
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Re: Obligatory "Aliens" reference

surely that should be

DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN .....................FLASH!.............AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAA (rrgh)

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Spartan on Windows 7? Microsoft is 'watching demand'

psychonaut
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Re: Welcome to the Matrix

upvote just for pedoland.

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psychonaut
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Paris Hilton

Re: I find it revealing

thats because (puts on jedi robe)

"This is not the operating system you are looking for"

paris, because, well, she knows how to look at the mantelpiece whilst stoking the fire.

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Cash-burning Box makes yet ANOTHER IPO promise

psychonaut
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more bullshit

i tell you what, if you give me a tenner, next year i'll make you -£25.

sound good? no?

well, let me tell you about our track record then. we took over 100 million dollars last year. and guess what? we spent all of it! not only that, we spent MORE than that! we sure can spend money!

and the previous years, yup, we spent more than we took every single time. YEAH! capitalism!

so come on, how can you miss this?

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UK flights CRIPPLED by system outage that shut ALL London airspace

psychonaut
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i stopped being surprised at this when...

i read "serco"

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A nation of CODERS? Yes, says UK.gov, and have some cash to do it

psychonaut
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is it not easier

to just pay a decent wage for teaching? starting salary of 23k for a maths graduate? and you have to put up with children? whats not to like....

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Sink your teeth into OCZ's ARC 100 SSD sizzler with tasty home-grown chips

psychonaut
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their vertex drives were shite...massive failure rate. never bothered to use any of their others and probably ever will - cost me a lot of time!

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psychonaut
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Re: Dear father christmas !!

make sure you leave enough room in your stockings so that he can empty the rest of his sack into them

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Why, hello there, Foxy... BYE GOOGLE! Mozilla's browser is a video star

psychonaut
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Re: So who pays for the servers?

Quis custodiet ipsos custodes

yeah! and who pays the people who pay for the servers.

and who pays them?

and who pays them???

aaaRRRGGH! my frickin' brains going to explode! it feels like friday and its only monday. AAARGH!

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NORKS: We didn't hack Sony. Whoever did was RIGHTEOUS, though

psychonaut
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Re: a 'righteous deed'

haha! thats EXACTLY what i thought of too! have an upvote.

love the bueller

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