* Posts by magickmark

158 posts • joined 3 Sep 2012

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Naked, drunken Swede assaults chicken shed after 60th birthday

magickmark
Coat

Clucking Hell!

Well this seems an appropriate response..

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DGs6TDeXo8E

Mine's the one with the feathers in the pockets

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Apple iPhone 7 launch hysteria? Not in Viking land

magickmark
Trollface

Re: Maybe they own headphones...

"Screw Apple. Over the years, I've bought five of them. I can't see ever buying one that lacks a headphone socket. Arrogant wankers."

But obviously you are not listening to it correctly!!

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We live in a world where a 'Hamdog' burger hybrid is patented

magickmark
Windows

Dogburger

That is all...

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Indefatigable WikiBots keep Wikipedia battles going long after humans give up and go home

magickmark
Black Helicopters

I for one welcome our Wikipedia Bot Overlords..

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Two Sundays wrecked by boss who couldn't use a calendar

magickmark

Re: Thank Bibulous it's Friday - Wow Wow source?

Hey, Wonko, how are the dolphins? (bet you've not been asked that before? :D )

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magickmark
Pint

Thank Bibulous it's Friday

"Thank Bibulous it's Friday, because I can write this and go home."

Oh God, maybe some Wow-Wow source will help so you'll be fit again for Monday?

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Dear sysadmin: This is how you stay relevant

magickmark

Re: Ummmm

"The truth is that most organisations today are IT organisations"

I think the point of the argument for the above quote is that most businesses may not be selling IT for its own sake but they are selling a service that would not be able to function without IT, effectively selling an IT service to facilitate the delivery* of their end product. None of the businesses you mention "retail, banking, logistics" could function without IT, just look what happens when a banks IT goes tits up.

* By delivery I mean the wider business sense of providing a product or service, unless you are a logistics company then your deliverable is a delivery of course!! And just try to manage that without IT!!

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Assange returns to Earth

magickmark

OH my GOD,, its full of Elephants!

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magickmark

Of course you can orbit a flat earth! You just have to go under the big turtle!

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Self-stocking internet fridge faces a delivery come down

magickmark
Thumb Up

Re: Sheer brilliance.

"I feel compelled to upgrade to an iPhone 7 simply to prevent myself from plugging my earphones into it in the first place."

Or you could just get one of these:

http://appleplugs.com/

And save yourself some cash of course

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A plumber with a blowtorch is the enemy of the data centre

magickmark
Coat

Jump Start

Yep, nothing like a good blow job on a cold morning to get your pipes working!

ICON: Mines the dirty one with no buttons!

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Phoney bling ring pinged by Tolkien's kin

magickmark

Re: That depends where and what part

Also and ePub and mobi versions here http://www.tenseg.net/press/lastringbearer

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Sysadmin sticks finger in pipe, saves data centre from flood

magickmark
Mushroom

Re: CROM

Wow - my first reply from a genuine bonafide El-Reg employee!

I think I need to go lie down for a while!!

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magickmark
Pirate

CROM

"Thank Crom it's Friday! At the end of today you can get on with what is best in life,"

I plan to crush the weekend under my sandeled feet with no lamentation! And hopefully no electrical problems!!

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Bloody Dell! Is EMC going to drop its logo? Answers on a postcard to Brentford

magickmark
Coat

Dark times ahead?

Only time will tell!!

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What wedding cake would an engineer make? A LEGO one

magickmark
Thumb Up

Brilliant

That is All

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Excel hell messes up ~20 per cent of genetic science papers

magickmark

Re: An easy fix ...

Wonderful, I think DNA has a quote somewhere for every thing (Life, the Universe and Everything, even?)

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magickmark

Re: An easy fix ...

Agreed a valid point, have an up vote. I have made a comment a little further down about a similar problem I have with "True" and "False" logical values from some exported datasets I have to work with.

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magickmark

Re: Pet peeve

I have a similar grumble, I regularly have to export datasets from an online application to use in Excel (in this case they are proper .xls formats at least) and there are a number of tick boxes that export as True or False but rather than being logical values they are exported as plain text. Not a big problem as I now expect it and have a routine worked out but still a PITA having to go through and convert them all.

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magickmark
Headmaster

An easy fix ...

Another simple solution is to just type an apostrophe ' in front i.e. 'SEP2 this will force Excel to read it as text. This is a hang over from Lotus123 that still works. Some of the data I have to work with has the same problem and this is the solution I use.

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My headset is reading my mind and talking behind my back

magickmark

Re: Sunglasses After Dark

Ahh but they really look sharp!

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magickmark
Boffin

Sunglasses After Dark

"To this day, I fail to comprehend how anyone could be convinced that wearing sunglasses after dark helps you see better. All it does is make you look cool, as already famously demonstrated by the Blues Brothers a decade earlier."

Actually, Dabbsy, the problem was recorded a few decades earlier in 1958 as evidenced on YouTube here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S07rl68DMD8

Enjoy!!

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Cops break up German sausage fight between pair of Neubrandenburgers

magickmark
Paris Hilton

German Sausage

My ex-girlfriend always said you cannot beat a good bit of German sausage. Problem was I am British :(

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Baffled Scots cops call in priest to deal with unruly spirits

magickmark
Alien

Lovecraft

Or as HP Lovecraft would have called it "The Call of Chihuahua"

http://www.cthulhulives.org/cocmovie/

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Viscous liquid oozing down the walls? You must have hives

magickmark
IT Angle

Honeywell?

Maybe they should have left them there to harvest the honey?

http://www.nhs.uk/news/2014/09September/Pages/Bacteria-found-in-honey-may-help-fight-infection.aspx

If I recall honey was historically used to treat cuts and wounds?

Honeywell/Honey well - see an IT angle

Update - just found this

http://www.surgerysupplements.com/historical-use-of-honey-in-wound-care-through-the-ages/

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Windows 10 Pro Anniversary Update tweaked to stop you disabling app promos

magickmark
FAIL

FAIL!!!!

My main tower is still on Win 7 and staying that way but the last few days I have been looking at laptops and was thinking of getting Win 10 to try it out and get used to the idea of using it. But this has made me think again!

It seems to be be getting more and more intrusive over time and makes me wonder where it will stop, if at all. Think I'll look at Linux or a Chrome Book!

<Image>Evil Kitty picture with the text "All your OS's iz belong to ME!!"</Image>

And yes I get the irony of using a Chrome Book :D

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Schrödinger's cat explained with neutrinos

magickmark

Re: Quantum theory and spatial dilution.

Yes he is!

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magickmark

Re: Quantum theory and spatial dilution.

Just found the link http://www.cs.rug.nl/~michael/qthair.pdf

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magickmark
Mushroom

Quantum theory and spatial dilution.

This is from a mock paper by a guy called Michael H.F. Wilkinson. Sadly the link that I found it on seems to no longer work :(

The famous thought experiment of Erwin Schrödinger describes how according to quantum mechanics a cat may be in an indeterminate state between living and dead, until a conscious observation is made. Likewise, Reitz (6) has shown that the location of a cat inside or outside a garage is unspecified until the creature is observed. This phenomenon explains the curious "tunneling" of electrons and even entire cats (6) through a region of space in which they cannot exist. If we take the case of a homeopathic dilution of a single molecule over N flasks of solvent, quantum mechanics tells us that the molecule is not located in a particular flask until a conscious observation is made. In quantum parlance, the "wave function" of the particle is said to "collapse" into a specific state (or flask) due to the act of observing. Incidentally, this is why cats resent people staring at them: the constant collapse of their wave function is a strain on their delicate senses.

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Web meltdown: BT feels heat from angry punters

magickmark

DNS Problems?

I'm not at home to try it out but I've heard reports that if you change your DNS server to the Google public servers (8.8.8.8 and 8.8.4.4) this may fix the problem.

Numbers taken from here:

https://developers.google.com/speed/public-dns/

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Gaming apps, mugging and bad case of bruised Pokéballs

magickmark

Re: Journalism?

Long may your bollocks be online! err figuratively speaking of course!!!

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magickmark

New Balls Please

Well I hope you are keeping your Pokéballs nice and safe you definitely don't want anyone playing with them in a dark ally!

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Tupperware vehemently denies any link to storage containerisation

magickmark
Coffee/keyboard

You Sir owe me a new keyboard!!

Unfortunately in eating my apple I'd put away my generic plastic tub with a lid and thus when I read "TUPPERWARE: That thing your arsehole does when you really need a massive shit but can't go and so it keeps popping open randomly and emitting foulness." apple went over my keyboard and screen!!!",

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magickmark
Windows

Yummy

I'm reading this whist eating my lunch out of my Tupperware, sorry generic plastic tubs with lids. Nice to know I am not alone.

Icon? Me eating lunch of course!!

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Wannabe Prime Minister Andrea Leadsom thinks all websites should be rated – just like movies

magickmark
Childcatcher

VPN

I assume she's never heard of Virtual Private Networks?

Just sayin'

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Lester Haines: RIP

magickmark
Pint

RIP

So sad to hear this. My thoughts are with his friends and family.

He will be missed.

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Eds off their meds: Does this headline REALLY need to be so astronomically long it can be measured in parsecs?

magickmark

Very insightful, more please!

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Developer waits two years for management to define project

magickmark
WTF?

My story is this...

At this point in time I was working as a consultant and had developed and maintained a website for a client. Anyway, one day in October the client contacted me about updating the website, basically giving it a major overhaul.

So meeting was arranged and held at which we went through what the client wanted etc. etc. etc. and the main thing was that they wanted the new version live for the New Year, three months away so no problem. At the end of the meeting they asked for sometime to consider things and that they would contact me.

A few weeks pass and no communications from them, so I email, no response. This went on for a week or two and eventually I gave up and assumed they had changed their minds.

Anyway, being self employed (and busy) I did not really take holidays, except I always took off the two weeks over Xmas. But (and I'm sure you can guess what comes next) I got a call from the client sometime in mid December, lets say the 16th, to say they wanted the update to go ahead and reminding me that I had said it could be done for the New Year!

I politely told them that had been back in October and that deadline was now impossible and anyway I was not going to be working over the Xmas holidays as it was my only time off. And I offered to start work in the New Year.

At this point the client got very aggressive and even offered me physical violence if I did not agree to do the work.

Needless to say I choose not work for the client again and they eventually got someone else to do the work although they made a right pigs ear of it and within the year the website went offline and vanished.

To this day I find it incomprehensible that: a) they could be that slow in making up their minds b) actually believing that the deadline would still be applicable c) so extreme in their reaction.

Some people ehh?

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Trouble originating between chair and keyboard caused most UK breaches

magickmark
Devil

Re: We are but human

As a random person on a random forum my answer would be "yes do it" then stand back with the popcorn and watch the fallout from a safe distance!!!

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Smartwatches: I hate to say ‘I told you so’. But I told you so.

magickmark

My Wearable

My wearable attached to my wrist with a band of leather, it has one function which it does perfectly. It was made in 1916 (hallmarked silver) and still works perfectly toady.

As I am sure you can guess is a watch. In this case a Swiss made wristwatch and it does exactly as I want, a quick glance way of knowing the time. Anything more complex than that and I'd use my smartphone.

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Gillian Anderson: The next James Jane Bond?

magickmark

If you look carefully, the number plate on the Aston is Skyfall is the same as the one he won in Casino Royal so that's where he got the Aston from. But as to how it got all the upgrades (ejector seat etc) is the real question.

But I think that if you over analyse the films you spoil the 'fun' of them. Just sit back and enjoy the ride.

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'Acts of war in a combat zone are not covered by your laptop warranty'

magickmark
Pint

All respect to the guys in the front line and the humour expressed whilst still in combat and the response given by the support guys.

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Would we want to regenerate brains of patients who are clinically dead?

magickmark
Terminator

Lovecraft

Go thou to HP Lovecraft and there read of "Herbert West" and shudder11

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'Bitcoin creator' Craig Yeah Wright in meltdown

magickmark
Devil

Maybe you are not not Spartacus? Go on prove it!!! :)

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magickmark
Trollface

"In any case I suspect that you are from blighty because the highest court in the cuntry is the high court.."

I assume you mean "country", although High Courts can be cunts at time!!

"There was lots of cuntry in the High Court today as the judge passed his views on on-line privacy"

Ahh maybe thats what you meant?

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All hail Ikabai-Sital! Destroyer of worlds and mender of toilets

magickmark

with a 7% solution?

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BAN the ROBOT WHORES, says robot whore expert: 'These AREN'T BARBIES'

magickmark

Re: Demarcation?

Not only is he is fully functional he is programmed in many "techniques," a wide variety of pleasuring.

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Computer says: Stop using MacWrite II, human!

magickmark

Re: TROPPUS TI

Holy Zarquon's singing fish!!

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Woz says 'Jobs started Apple for money' – then says it must pay 50% tax like he does

magickmark

I would guess he earns a shitload of money that puts him in a high tax bracket and he's not using tax avoidance scams to reduce his liability.

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How IT are you? Find out now in our HILARIOUS quiz!

magickmark
Pint

As its Friday

(a) suggest they turn it off and back on again? (and then call you back)

(c) and then go down the pub for the rest of the day?

A lesson learnt from the BOFH!!!

Cheers, Simon!!!

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