* Posts by magickmark

112 posts • joined 3 Sep 2012

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BAN the ROBOT WHORES, says robot whore expert: 'These AREN'T BARBIES'

magickmark

Re: Demarcation?

Not only is he is fully functional he is programmed in many "techniques," a wide variety of pleasuring.

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Computer says: Stop using MacWrite II, human!

magickmark

Re: TROPPUS TI

Holy Zarquon's singing fish!!

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Woz says 'Jobs started Apple for money' – then says it must pay 50% tax like he does

magickmark

I would guess he earns a shitload of money that puts him in a high tax bracket and he's not using tax avoidance scams to reduce his liability.

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How IT are you? Find out now in our HILARIOUS quiz!

magickmark
Pint

As its Friday

(a) suggest they turn it off and back on again? (and then call you back)

(c) and then go down the pub for the rest of the day?

A lesson learnt from the BOFH!!!

Cheers, Simon!!!

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Edward Snowden sues Norway to prevent extradition

magickmark
WTF?

Huh???

"Russia wasn't actually the destination he was heading for, he was going via there to somewhere else when his passport was cancelled,"

If he has no passport (as above) then how would he get in to Norway anyway? Other than setting a president what would be the point of this case?

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Idiot millennials are saving credit card PINs on their mobile phones

magickmark
Facepalm

Re: And pre-Millienials were tech savants?

</sarc>

I'm a "pre-millenial", an old duffer in my 50's using tec for 30+ years, and its amazing how many times I've lost my monitor and post-it-notes stuck to them from my back pocket when I've been out.

</sarc>

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Knackered Euro server turns Panasonic smart TVs into dumb TVs

magickmark

The last TV I brought was from Amazon, its a 39 inch smart TV badged as "Digihome". I was looking for a decent dumb TV with lots of inputs but as this one was only £170 I thought it was worth a punt.

Turns out it was excellent in most respects, built in sound could be better but then I have it connected to my surround sound system. The smart features work but as I have a Chromecast, Amazon Fire TV stick and a Sky Now TV box the smart features in the TV are rather redundant.Seems to be the way to go, decent TV with lots of inputs and then just use external, easy to change disposable 'smart' devices.

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Mountains of madness found on Pluto's Cthulhu Regio

magickmark

Now all we need is an area within that called the Plateau of Leng

You may find this amusing

http://hyperbolation.com/2011/11/humans-habitats/

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'$5bn for Slack?! I refuse to pay!' You don't pay – and that's its biggest problem

magickmark

"Re-runs of Game of Thrones on Netflix" I wish!! Even on Sky they only have series one as a box set!

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LOHAN sponsor knocks up nifty iMac fish tank

magickmark
Coat

Thats a bit of a fishy story!!

Sorry, I'll get my coat!

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Everything bad in the world can be traced to crap Wi-Fi

magickmark
Devil

Re: Aleister Crowley photo

Damn it!!

Well Wi-Fi can be something of a dark art and I find Aleister Crowley's "Book of the Law"* useful at time like this.

You have to incant the right formula to make it all work, I find that this one tends to help "The key of the rituals is in the secret word which I have given unto him." - Chapter One, Rule 20

*http://www.sacred-texts.com/oto/engccxx.htm

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This program can detect if you're bored – which is going to make annoying ads, articles so much more annoying

magickmark

Share and Enjoy!

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Donald Trump promises 'such trouble' for Jeff Bezos and Amazon

magickmark

Re: surely the word 'hypocrite' is an immigrant...

Beware of Greeks bearing gifts!!!!

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Investigatory Powers Bill to be rushed into Parliament on Tuesday

magickmark
Headmaster

corruptissima re publica plurimae leges

corruptissima re publica plurimae leges - when the republic is at its most corrupt the laws are most numerous -- said by Tacitus

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My devil-possessed smartphone tried to emasculate me

magickmark
Holmes

Something for the weekend?

Maybe Alistair needs one of these http://www.amazon.co.uk/SMALLEST-THINNEST-J8-Bluetooth-Headphone/dp/B00O586YB2/ref=pd_bxgy_23_img_z then rather than talking bollocks he can talk out of his arse instead?

Just joking, loved the rant!

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Carolina cop cuffed for 'carjacking'

magickmark
Coat

Re: 10 Years Jail

Indeed 10 Years!! Pull the other one!!!

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Prison butt dialler finally off-hold after 12-day anal retention marathon

magickmark

This phone http://www.amazon.co.uk/SMALLEST-THINNEST-J8-Bluetooth-Headphone/dp/B00O586YB2/ref=pd_bxgy_23_img_z looks like it could be used for that purpose although some of the reviews slate it as being poor quality, but at £26.95 I'd not expect it to be the best quality. Almost tempted to get one just because!

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Good thing this dev quit. I'd have fired him. Out of a cannon. Into the sun

magickmark

Re: All code should be rewritten from scratch...

I agree with what you say! Not quite the same thing, but it did involve coding.

There is one case I always recall from when I was an independent database developer. Most of my clients were small local businesses, mostly 10 or less employees i.e, not loads of cash to throw around. One day I was contacted by a new potential client in the insurance industry asking me to a meeting to discuss their needs.

So halfway through the meeting having had some discussion with the owner and staff of the company the owner excused himself for a minute to get something. He came back a few minutes later with a HUGH stack of A4 paper and dropped it on the table with a very loud THUD (it was a very big stack). And said "That fucking lot cost me £3000" pointing at the stack.

I looked through it and it was a needs analysis/system specification that detailed every aspect of a proposed database. So detailed in fact I assumed that the only way they could have produced it was by actually by building the thing or, if not, the amount of work they had put in was equivalent.

The told me at that point he had pulled out of the project because he could not afford to pay £3000 for a "pile of paper". I think he was worried that I would do the same thing to him.

I had to assured him that was not the way I worked, sure I had to do analysis and design but that I'd build him working prototypes and then working with him and his team would refine and expand the functionality to get a system that would do what they needed it to do.

To cut a long story short, it ended up with me working off and on with them for getting on for 10 years and producing a product that suited their needs totally, In fact at one time when they were being audited by their underwriters (just a routine audit I hasten to add) the auditor said it was one of the best underwriting systems he had ever seen, I was always very proud of that.

So my point is that you can plan and design to the n'th degree but at some point you have to roll up your sleeves and dive in and produce something and then refine and develop until it does what it's meant to.

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magickmark
Trollface

Re: I swear someone stalks me just to down vote me...

Ditto

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Voyager 1 now 20 BEEEELLION KMs from the Sun

magickmark
Thumb Up

'while they assemble their invasion fleet.'

Only to be eaten by small but hungry dog on arrival, due to a terrible miscalculation in scale!

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Big Ben belittled by Infosys' plans for enormous erection

magickmark
Coat

Clock!!

With such a big erection and with the comments about 'willy waving', maybe someone put one to many L in Clock Tower?

Icon: Mines the dirty mac with the snaps for buttons!!!

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I love you. I will kill you! I want to make love to you: The evolution of AI in pop culture

magickmark
Thumb Up

Re: Nice review of Robots in fiction ...

I like this quote from Douglas Adams about dolphins and intelligence in general:

For instance, on the planet Earth, man had always assumed that he was more intelligent than dolphins because he had achieved so much—the wheel, New York, wars and so on—whilst all the dolphins had ever done was muck about in the water having a good time. But conversely, the dolphins had always believed that they were far more intelligent than man—for precisely the same reasons.

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Google UK coughs up £130m back taxes. Is it enough?

magickmark
Coat

Sing song time !!!

Sung to the tune of “Mud Mud Glorious Mud” by Flanders and Swann

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1QW85kfakJc

Tax tax, avoidance of tax

Nothing quite like it for scratching the back

To avoid tax tax, avoidance of tax

Let’s have a Double Irish to start off this hack

To avoid tax tax, avoidance of tax

We’ll add a Dutch Sandwich to save to the max

To avoid tax tax, avoidance of tax

We’ll base in a haven with sun and no tax

To avoid tax tax, avoidance of tax

We’ll licence for the rights from ourselves to be lax

To avoid tax tax, avoidance of tax

The EU is wonderful and it’s a fact

To avoid tax tax, avoidance of tax

Nothing quite like it for scratching the baaaack

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Four Boys' Own style World War Two heroes to fire your imagination

magickmark

Family History

My war hero would have to be my Great Uncle, William O'Callaghan who was involved in the Dunkirk evacuations and his story started at a small village called Le Paradis.

"The Le Paradis massacre was a war crime committed on May 27th 1940 by members of the 14th Company, SS Division Totenkopf, under the command of Hauptsturmführer Fritz Knöchlein.

It took place during the Battle of France, at a time when the British Expeditionary Force (BEF) was attempting to retreat through the Pas-de-Calais region during the Battle of Dunkirk."

The story can be found here.

https://www.warhistoryonline.com/war-articles/le-paradis-ss-killing.html

and here

http://www.stephen-stratford.co.uk/pooleys_revenge.htm

Simply put the Royal Norfolk Battalion was part of the rear guard defense for the Dunkirk evacuations and my Great Uncles company were captured by an SS company, marched in to field and then machined gunned down.

My Great Uncle survived along with one other person, Albert Pooley, who was badly wounded and saved by my Great Uncle. You can read the full story above.

My Great Uncle ended up in a POW camp in Poland and at the end of the war they were abandoned and had to find their own way back to allied territory by marching across Europe.

There is/was a book written called "The Vengeance of Private Pooley" and published by an author called Cyril Jolly, now out of print.

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Virginia man charged in intriguing 'suspicious bacon' case

magickmark

Re: Makin Bacon

Yep rind and all, you'd open the fridge (more of a cold room really) and there would be the sides all hanging head down, looking literally like a suntanned pig, smoked sides looking dark brown and the un-smoked looking like a light tan. To me the rind was one of the best bits!!

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magickmark
Angel

Makin Bacon

When I were a lad one of my first jobs was working a shop that sold what we called 'provisions'. One of which was bacon. (This was in the UK)

What we used to get for our 'bacon' was whole sides of pig that had been cured in a traditional way, no chemical added water etc.

This 'side of bacon' as it was called then had to be jointed up and then the joint was then sliced by hand on a slicing machine, basically a hand turned blade on a flywheel. And we used every part of the side to produce everything from streaky (the belly) bacon to hocks, gammon steaks and joints, back, long-back, oyster cut not a bit was wasted. Yum yum.

Not really sure what the point of this is other than the pleasant memory of real bacon hand cut and ever so tasty.

The icon? Because it was the food of gods

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RE the BOFH have I missed something?

magickmark

Re: RE the BOFH have I missed something?

Thanks for that!!

Lets hope he is not stuck on a hyper-spacial bypass, you know how dangerous that can be for lifeforms from plural zz sectors!

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magickmark
WTF?

RE the BOFH have I missed something?

As far as I can see there has not been a article from the BOFH since 04/12/2015 (its 15/01/2016 as I post this). Is he one of the recently pruned contributors or have I missed something?

Anyone know anything?

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Jokes of no more than 2 lines

magickmark
Coat

None today thank you!

Two nuns in a bath one says "Where's the soap?" the seconds says "Yes it does!"

(say it out loud!)

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magickmark
Mushroom

Knotty Problem

A bit of rope walks in to a bar, the barman say "Are you a bit of rope? We don't serve rope here"

The rope replys "No I'm afraid not"

((rim-shot)) don't forget to tip the waitress!

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Stephen Hawking reckons he's cracked the black hole paradox

magickmark
Alien

This is all!

I think perhaps the most important problem is that we are trying to understand the fundamental workings of the universe via a language devised for telling one another when the best fruit is. - Terry Pratchett

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Did North Korea really just detonate a hydrogen bomb? Probably not

magickmark
Mushroom

Proof

I'm sure there will be a badly photoshopped image any day now of the Great Leader surrounded by his staff standing in front of the classic mushroom with a big smile and pointing at the explosion.

Positive proof that they have the H-bomb now.

In fact I may see if I can make, err that is find one when I get home!!

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Swiss try to wind up Apple with $25k dumb-watch

magickmark
Thumb Up

Love it

That's a nice looking watch and a nice piss take of Apple, I fully appreciate what they are trying to say (and accomplish quite well I think).

I have, and am currently wearing, a Swiss made mechanical wrist watch in a silver casing hallmarked for 1916. It still works perfectly and keeps perfect time and is one of the watches I wear on a regular basis.

I have no doubt that other than a interesting curiosity the Apple watch will be all but forgotten in 100 years time and there will be no such thing as a working model.

I am not an IT Luddite, I am usually and early adapter of all things digital, but to me there is something magical about a clockwork watch, no matter what the cost cheap or expensive.

There's a wonderful scene in "Mostly Harmless" where Arthur Dent is trying to explain his mechanical wrist watch to his daughter, Random. If memory serves me correctly she has dismantled it to try and find the software. Worth a read if you have not done so already.

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Doctor Who: The Hybrid finally reveals itself in the epic Heaven Sent

magickmark

Wonderful

Loved the episode one of the best so far and looking forwards to next week. I think everyone else had made comments about most things that I loved, plot holes etc. So I'll not add to that.

The one thing I will add... with the Infocom reference someone made earlier, some of it seemed almost in homage to the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy game in the way the looping time element worked. Not the same but very much in the feel of it. Not surprising seeings as how DNA worked on the show. I also recall one of the Doctors made a reference to knowing Arthur Dent,the 2005 episode The Christmas Invasion, which features the Doctor saving the world in his pajamas, the Doctor makes reference to himself being very Arthur Dent. He then mumbles that Dent was a nice man

Also it strikes me that some of the imagery used was much like Monument Valley, moving buildings, castles in the middle of the sea, lateral puzzle solving etc.

Wonderful stuff all round, think I'll watch it again tonight!!

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US gourmets sizzle in bacon-scented underwear

magickmark
Paris Hilton

Bangers

Brings a whole new meaning to the expression "Makin Bacon"

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Thai women drugged punters 'with Xanax-spiked nipples' – cops

magickmark
Coat

Don't hold your breath but...

lets hope this gets nipped in the bud!!

I'll get my coat!

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Google launches virtual plastic pal who's fun to be with

magickmark

Re: But is it one...

Remember you can always go "Stick your head in a pig" :D

All together now... A one, two, a one, two, three, four.. da da d da da da...

Share and Enjoy

Share and Enjoy

Journey through life

With a plastic boy

Or Girl by your side

Let your pal be your guide

And when it breaks down

Or starts to annoy

Or grinds when it moves

And gives you no joy

Cos it's eaten your hat

Or had sex with your cat

Bled oil on your floor

Or ripped off your door

You get to the point

You can't stand any more

Bring it to us, we won't give a fig

We'll tell you, 'Go stick your head in a pig'.

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How did jihadists hack into top UK ministerial emails if no security breach took place?

magickmark

Re: Probably been said before

Yes but what did the Jihadists, ever do for us?

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Looking for a council house in Sheffield City? Meet your fellow tenants

magickmark
Pint

Re: Is proofreading just too much to ask?

@gazzton

No Problem, have a beer, its Friday after all and it has been a long hard week no doubt :D

And the beer will help balance the cells in our brains to be more inline with the amount of brains in our body. So its a winner all round.

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magickmark
Windows

Re: Is proofreading just too much to ask?

Made sense to me as well !!

I see the OP removed their comment, all's well that ends well. As a wise man once said "theres (sic) actualy (sic) more cells in our brains than there are brains in our entire body"

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One-armed bandit steals four hours of engineer's busy day

magickmark
Trollface

An HVAC engineer friend of mine once had an emergency callout...

Strange, that's a joke I've been telling for 30 odd years whenever clients would question an invoice!!!

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Your taxes at work: Three hours driving to turn on politician's PC

magickmark
Angel

Re: Colour blind

I once had a friend who was an electrical engineer for a UK sports car manufacturer. Totally colour blind with red/green. When I asked him how he knew which wire was which he said they were different shades of grey!!!

My favorite happening was going to round to visit one day and he excitedly showed me his new manly redecorated bathroom, thinking it was a blue/green colour, his face was a picture when I gently said "What a wonderful shade of pink". Took a while to convince him I was not joking!!

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Further confusion at TalkTalk claims it was hit by 'sequential attack'

magickmark
Alien

The Lovecraft connection

Maybe they were using Pickman's Modem?

http://www.dorje.com/netstuff/jokes/comp.net.horro

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Playmobil cops broadside for 'racist' pirate slave

magickmark
Pirate

Re: Isn't that a sex slave?

@ TRRT "Roger the cabin boy?" Or Master Bates the First Hand?

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WIN a 6TB Western Digital Black hard drive with El Reg

magickmark

Doris called up the team to keep them abreast of the current situation.

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Taylor Swift snaps up EVEN MORE pr0n domain names

magickmark
Devil

WFT

Hummm..

I wonder if ICANN have ever thought of a new TLD of ".swift" (dot swift) they could make a mint with that one!

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Hacker mag 2600 laughs off Getty Images inkspots copyright claim

magickmark
Pint

Re: Vulture?

Thanks for that AC and a good point. I would have put the image in the post but as far as i can see you can't do that, so putting it on Dropbox was the quick and easy way to highlight it.

Have a beer on me!

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magickmark
Black Helicopters

Vulture?

Did anyone else notice the El Reg logo in the ink splatter, admittedly in reverse:

https://www.dropbox.com/s/pqrtx75a1nqsyxb/El-Reg.png?dl=0

Some kind of conspiracy? Inquiring Minds need to know!!

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Apple hypegasm countdown. What will the new, big iPad ACTUALLY be called?

magickmark
Thumb Up

Kind of ...

I believe that DNA always maintained that Marvin was based on a comedy writer called Andrew Marshall (Adams originally named the robot Marshall) although his mother told him that Marvin was actually Eeyore from Winnie-the-Pooh.

http://www.shmoop.com/hitchhikers-guide-to-the-galaxy/marvin.html

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FORKING BitcoinXT: Is it really a coup or just more crypto-FUD?

magickmark
Alien

DNA of Course

The Obligatory Douglas Adams quote of course:

“Thank you. Since we decided a few weeks ago to adopt the leaf as legal tender, we have, of course, all become immensely rich. [...]

"But we have also," continued the management consultant, "run into a small inflation problem on account of the high level of leaf availability, which means that, I gather, the current going rate has something like three deciduous forests buying on ship's peanut." [...]

"So in order to obviate this problem," he continued, "and effectively revalue the leaf, we are about to embark on a massive defoliation campaign, and...er, burn down all the forests. I think you'll all agree that's a sensible move under the circumstances.”

Life, the Universe and Everything

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