* Posts by magickmark

62 posts • joined 3 Sep 2012

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UK.gov wants to stop teenagers looking at tits online. No, really

magickmark
Trollface

Re: Obligatory Dilbert

Followed by ....

http://dilbert.com/strip/1996-01-24

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Octogenarian accused of performing sex act with a SHRUBBERY

magickmark
Facepalm

Its a plant I tell you!!!

If the case goes to court and they bring the shrub in as proof could the defense make a case for the evidence being a plant?

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Ballmer's billion-dollar blunders: When he gambled Microsoft's money and lost

magickmark
Windows

Re: Hmmm....

"Not only were they at home to Mr Cockup when he called, they invited him in and let him run the place"

I'm sure Baldric has or had a cunning plan!

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Ireland loses entire airport amid new postcode chaos

magickmark
FAIL

Errorcode!!!!!!

"Other problems with the Eircode range from incorrect addresses to data protection concerns."

Anyone else reading "Eircode" as "Errorcode", or is it just me? Seems nicely to sum up the project so far!!

I can imagine some saying "Hang on a moment, I'll just find the Errorcode for that address"

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Why the BBC is stuffing free Micro:bit computers into schoolkids' satchels

magickmark
Trollface

Milllllleeeelins !!!!

"The BBC has announced the final specifications of the micro:bit pocket computer board, of which “up to 1 million devices will be given to every 11 or 12 year old child in year 7 or equivalent across the UK, for free.”"

Every 11 or 12 to be given up to 1 million of these! Each? Wow I know Aunties like to give presents but even so, where is each kid expected to keep them????

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Indiana Jones whips Bond in greatest movie character poll

magickmark
Windows

Re: Limited

The Dude abides!

That is all

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Microsoft in Blighty reveals its 78 THOUSAND POUND Surface 3 slabloid

magickmark
Trollface

Re: Two! Nine A! The number of the beast!

Surely that should be Messrs Hangem, High and Floggem?

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Glass door to the ancient past FOUND ON MARS

magickmark
Alien

Cthulhu commeth!

"A study lead by Brown University's Peter Schultz found that organic matter, including plant matter, was entombed by molten glass formed in asteroid and comet impacts occurring millions of years ago in Argentina."

Interesting, H.P. Lovecraft used Brown University as the inspiration for the Miskatonic University, maybe the stars are right?

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Windows 10 upgrade ADWARE forces its way on to Windows 7 and 8.1

magickmark
Coat

Re: I'm confused

Ahh but you have to love those Tiger Feet!!

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LOHAN's final test flight set to honour PRATCHETT

magickmark
Thumb Up

Oh My God!

Sadly I missed the vote on this one!!

But I'm glad the right choice got the most votes!!! Beers all round I think!!!

'Oh my God, its full of elephants!' - The Last Hero (http://www.lspace.org/books/apf/the-last-hero.html)

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Reg exec in deluxe roo-skin pen case beernami trauma

magickmark
Trollface

Re: Dare I ask which part of the poor beast they made the pen case out of?

Sounds like a lot of bollocks to me!

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It’s Adobe’s Creative Cloud TITSUP birthday. Ease the pain with its RGB-wrangling rivals

magickmark
Holmes

Earlier Versions

Like one of the previous commentators here, depending on your needs, why not track down a full pre-rental version of PhotoShop? It will probably do most thinsg for most people (and more that the software in the article) as long as you are a not demanding professional designer.

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E-voting and the UK election: Pick a lizard, any lizard

magickmark
Alien

Lets not forget the Lizards

Just a reminder and to bring in the great man back into the conversation I offer the following quote!

To set the scene an extra-terrestrial robot and spaceship has just landed on earth. The robot steps out of the spaceship and says…

“I come in peace,” it said, adding after a long moment of further grinding, “take me to your Lizard.”

Ford Prefect, of course, had an explanation for this, …

“It comes from a very ancient democracy, you see…”

“You mean, it comes from a world of lizards?”

“No,” said Ford, who by this time was a little more rational and coherent than he had been, having finally had the coffee forced down him, “nothing so simple. Nothing anything like to straightforward. On its world, the people are people. The leaders are lizards. The people hate the lizards and the lizards rule the people.”

“Odd,” said Arthur, “I thought you said it was a democracy.”

“I did,” said ford. “It is.”

“So,” said Arthur, hoping he wasn’t sounding ridiculously obtuse, “why don’t the people get rid of the lizards?”

“It honestly doesn’t occur to them,” said Ford. “They’ve all got the vote, so they all pretty much assume that the government they’ve voted in more or less approximates to the government they want.”

“You mean they actually vote for the lizards?”

“Oh yes,” said Ford with a shrug, “of course.”

“But,” said Arthur, going for the big one again, “why?”

“Because if they didn’t vote for a lizard,” said Ford, “the wrong lizard might get in. Got any gin?”

Douglas Adams - So Long and Thanks For All The Fish

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Bloke hits armadillo AND mother-in-law with single 9mm round

magickmark
Coat

Re: @code junky ...Ah

Yes but what about shooting Armadillos?

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RADIOACTIVE WWII aircraft carrier FOUND OFF CALIFORNIA

magickmark
Coat

Re: 13-tentacled octopuses

Wouldn't it be 13-tentacled Octopi ----- ummmm octopie -- or tredecipi -- ummm tredecipie

(really need a 'Homer Drooling' Icon)

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Just WALK IN and buy an Apple Watch. Are you mad?

magickmark
Alien

Re: Of course

We wants it, we needs it. Must have the preciousssssssss

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Internet Explorer LIVES ON, cackle sneaky Microsoft engineers

magickmark
Coat

Re: "even the name has been picked to suggest simplicity, speed and hardiness."

> Perhaps they should also rename IE - so the name reflects ITS features.

>>"Norwegian Blue".

'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This browser is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker!

'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'im to the perch 'e'd be pushing up the daisies!

'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig!

'E's kicked the bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile!!

THIS IS AN EX-BROWSER!

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$17,000 Apple Watch: Pointless bling, right? HA! You're WRONG

magickmark
Alien

Re: The difference is …

Surely there is no such thing as an 'old Rolex' only vintage? I don't know any figures (and I can't be arsed to do the research) but I know there is a thriving market for vintage Rolex watches and they can command very high values. So buying a Rolex could be said to be an investment.

I cannot see that a gold iWatch is going to accrue much value over the years, as others have pointed out it may well be obsolete (hardware/software wise) in a very short amount of time. But then maybe that's part of the Veblen Goods effect, "Not only can I afford this bit of bling but I can also afford not to worry that next year it will be valueless" if so very cleaver marketing by Apple.

Anyway this recalls to me a quote from the Great Man, Douglas Adams:

"Far out in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the Western Spiral arm of the Galaxy lies a small unregarded yellow sun.

Orbiting this at a distance of roughly ninety-eight million miles is an utterly insignificant little blue-green planet whose ape-descended life forms are so amazingly primitive that they still think digital watches are a pretty neat idea."

I'm sure Zaphod would have had three, one for each arm.

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Life, the interview and everything: A chat with Douglas Adams

magickmark
Alien

Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday Douglas, you are still missed.

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Apple CEO: Fandroids are BINNING Android in favour of IPHONES

magickmark
Pint

Re: This just shows that the market is healthy. Nothing more.

Careful that sounds like common sense there 45RPM we don't want the El Reg forums to get the reputation for being a place to come for a well balanced and thought out view, oh no! Especially on a Friday afternoon when its fast approaching beer o'clock.

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Is there ANOTHER UNIVERSE headed BACKWARDS IN TIME?

magickmark
Pint

Re: Time

"in our DNA" I see what you did there! :D

Drink lots of beer, Cheers.

Noel, Noel!!!

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Ordnance Survey intern plonks houses, trees, rivers and roads on GB Minecraft map

magickmark
Alien

Re: Liverpool underground nightclubs!

Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn

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Nice computers don’t need to go to the toilet, says Barclays

magickmark
FAIL

Re: >> did you make it to your user group meetup

"Hello my name is Alistair" sobs "And I write a column for El Reg" hangs his head in shame

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magickmark
Paris Hilton

Re: Errrr?

FYI: Football where I come from is played by very large men with pads & helmets.

Well here in the UK that applies as well, Footballers in their posh pads showing young ladies how they use their helmets!!

Ohh err missus!

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Europe's highest court: Apple CAN trademark its retail store layout

magickmark
Trollface

WTF

Do the tables have rounded corners? :D

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Cloud computing is FAIL and here’s why

magickmark
Headmaster

Re: how about a new term, "Clunts"

Clouldn't agree more old chap!

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Urinating teen polluted 57 Olympic-sized swimming pools - cops

magickmark
Headmaster

Re: Nice paper but you missed a trick

Trick not missed!

If you look at the citation list you'll see this

References

1. Bond J. (1966) A protocols for correct preparation of vermouth based beverages. J.Wine Spirits 0:0-7

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magickmark
Coffee/keyboard

Re: No way near Homeopathic standards..

You sir owe me a new keyboard!!!

Coffee went everywhere when I read this "In quantum parlance, the "wave function" of the particle is said to "collapse" into a specific state (or flask) due to the act of observing. Incidentally, this is why cats resent people staring at them: the constant collapse of their wave function is a strain on their delicate senses". Worthy of Terry Pratchett or Douglas Adams.

Wonderful paper

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Is tech the preserve of the young able-bodied? Let's talk over a fine dinner and claret

magickmark
FAIL

What the...

I ran across to the clubs webpage (Ok, ok, clicked across!!) all eager to engage in the future or webpage interaction, user friendliness, accessibility and technology only to be confronted by ...

Unfortunately the April dinner with John Lamb on Digital Enablement of the disabled had to be cancelled. The RTC Club Committee sincerely apologises for the inconvenience.

Is that someone telling us to F*ck off or what!!

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Reg tries out Google's Chromecast: Yep, we even tested smut sites

magickmark
Pint

A must have

I've had one for months (got it off Amazon.com) and I love it. I tend to use it from my Nexus 7. I tend to use it for Netflix and youtube but also Play Music, I dont subscribe I just use it to play my own content. I have set up so when I rip a CD its automatically uploaded to Play Music and then I can play via Chrome Cast and the new addtion of BBC iPlayer adds an extra incentive. I also have a few other apps that will work with it as well (all cast is a good one).

I have cast stuff from Chrome via my PC and that works though not as well as the dedicated apps.

Never had a moments problem with it, was the best £30 I've spent.

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SATANIC 'HELL DIAMOND' tells of sunless subterranean sea

magickmark
Alien

Re: Fountains of the deep

In the story "Call of Cthulu" Cthulu lies dreaming in sunken R'lyeh somewhere under the South Pacific ocean.

"Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn" ("In his house at R'lyeh, dead Cthulhu waits dreaming.")

Yog-Sothoth was said to have been bannished to the spaces outside of time and space "Yog-Sothoth, who froths as primal slime in nuclear chaos beyond the nethermost outposts of space and time!" - The Lurker at the Threshold.

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Bangable poster firm Novalia makes printed 'leccy keyboard

magickmark
Thumb Up

Want it

I want one NOW! Just because.

Way cool, imagine them sold in packs fo 10 !!!

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Ghosts of Christmas Past: Ten tech treats from yesteryear

magickmark
Angel

Way cool

I had some of these as a teenager! The Atari, the Casio watch, the Walkman. Later on I had a number of 'databank' type devices before getting a Psion 3 (which i still have and works) before moving on to verious Palm and Springboard devices, I still have a nice brushed steel Paim Vx that still runs is hooked up to my PC and is up to date with my diary, though I don't acutually use it.

One of my favorite gadgets as a kid was a couple of devices that I had that were 3d games, one was a space invaders type game and the other was racing car game. The device looked somwhat like binoculars but with no lens at the front and when you looked into it by holding it to your eyes you got quite a good 3d image of the game. Grahics we simple lines (think Tron) but it was way cool at the time.

Damn its good to be a geek sometimes!!

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Fisher-Price in hot seat: iPad bouncy chair lets APPLE BABYSIT tots – parents

magickmark
Mushroom

Could be worse

Though I do not agree with the device at least it’s made by a reputable manufacturer and has (hopefully) gone through proper safety testing. Just imagine if it was some no name Asian company who had come up with the idea and flooded the market!

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Rare BLOWJOB-GIVING APES 'face extinction from interacting with HUMANS'

magickmark
Coffee/keyboard

Re: Things you wish you didn't know

You Sir owe me a new coffee free keyboard!

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HP’s ENORMO-SLAB: The Slate 21 MONSTER tablet

magickmark
Thumb Up

I want one

Awsome, I'd love one of these as a second "TV" in my bedroom. Add TV Catchup, BBC iPlayer, Netflix would be perfect for this, let alone all the other normal Android stuff you could use it for. All for the price a normal TV.

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Number-crunching quant cooks up gambling machine, promises untold RICHES

magickmark
Pirate

Re: hhhmmmm

I recall and episode of "Minder' where Arthur more or less did that with horse racing where he was providing a professional tipping service. I recall he'd stand in a public phone (this is before mobile phones) box to take the calls from his punters and give each caller a 'tip'. Simply he'd give each punter a horse from a race until all the horses in a particular race were covered, then move on to the next race and so on. Each punter would then presumably bet on their 'tip'.

If their horse won they'd pay him a percentage of their winnings if their hose did not win the tip was "free". I'm not sure how he collected I'd assume thats where Terry came in to provide the muscle to ensure payment was forthcomming!!!

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Vulture 2 paintjob: Kim Jong-un battles flag-waving Brits

magickmark
Thumb Up

Ariadne Ariadne Ariadne

It has to be Ariadne's design, talk to Pypes it seems he can provide the needed covering.

Come on El Reg do the right thing!!

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TPG flashes cheeky 'down under' CAPTCHA

magickmark
Holmes

Re: VILLAGE

Must be the Arse (ass for our US cousins) end of nowhere!

Sherlock? Alimentary My dear Watson!

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Microsoft's swipe'n'swirl pic passwords LESS secure than PINs, warn researchers

magickmark
Holmes

I use the gesture swipe to lock my android phone, I have used a short gesture, not one of the common ones used to navigate or anything. It can be swiped quickly if anyone tries to watch and after a few swipes to change screens or pull down the notification bar etc. the unlock gesture is oblitirated.

Probably far from perfect and not as secure as a password of more that 6 characters using caps, numbers and symbols, but a hell of a lot easier to use and secure enough to stop casual 'attacks' in most cases.

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Smartwatch craze is all just ONE OFF THE WRIST

magickmark

H2G2 Movie

Re the movie lambasting mobile phones, I think what they failed to understand/missed, IMHO, is that the modern smartphone is effectively the Guide as envisioned by the great DNA. In fact from the description he gave in the books it’s even smaller and sleeker than described and probably has more functionality. I remember reading the book in the late 70’s and loving the idea of a Guide, now I have it!!

Man that Douglas Adams was a hoopy frood!

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South Carolina couple cop cuffing for shed shag

magickmark
Paris Hilton

Re: Not exactly flashing

Inside a shed... errrmmm or inside ... errr ... yes

Paris? well because..

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It's a fiddle! Funnyman's Irish tax flashmob floods Apple flagship store

magickmark
Pirate

Re: $100Bn cash pile

As I recall one of the problems Apple have is if they try to bring the cash back into the US they'll be hit with something like 30% tax so effectively they have this huge cash pile showing up as profit but they can't use it for anything.

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Winklevoss twins claim to have enormo $11m Bitcoin stash

magickmark
WTF?

WTF

So $11m sitting on flash drives, something about this seems sooooooo insecure

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WhatsApp exec: Google takeover? It's news to me

magickmark
Holmes

Viber

My question is why are people using WhatsApp when Viber does everything WhatsApp does plus voice over data as well and just like WhatsApp its tied in to your mobile number.

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Another MYSTERY evacuation: Google UK empties swanky offices

magickmark
Pint

Re: Fire drill

Well a glass of Guiness may help smooth the situation?

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First Samsung Galaxy S4 review leak: Stop FONDLING, start FINGERING

magickmark
Headmaster

Double fail

They'er = They are

Need a grammer opton.

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Ministry of Fun builds crack team to juice up bumpkin broadband

magickmark
Windows

Bumpkins!!!

Being one of the Norfolk "Bumpkins" (we perfer the term Norfolk Dumplings) I would like to register my disaproval of this term!

I wholeheartedly embrace this speeding up of broadband speeds as it will enable me to pursue my interests by reading "Tractor Fanciers Weekly" and "Bootiful Norfolk Turkey's" (tag line 'They Love to Gobble") at a much more speedy pace and also encurage national treasure and local boy made good Stephen Fry to vist home to indulge his digital lifestyle more often!

Errmmmm... On the other hand!!

The choosen icon, becuase he looks like Good ol' Norfolk Boy!

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The Sons of Kahn and the assembly language of the internet

magickmark
Devil

Funniest thing I have read for quite a while! Wonder what that says about me !!!

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