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* Posts by Anomalous Cowshed

495 posts • joined 16 Aug 2012

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So long, thanks for all the ...er, FISH BRIGHTER than boffins thought

Anomalous Cowshed
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Re: I had zebra fish ...

If they could live for longer and travel on land, or worse, in the air, then they might indeed supersede humanity. There is in fact already one intelligent octopus-like Being with tentacles, or Noodly Appendages, as they are known among his priests. Fortunately, it is benevolent to us lesser mortals.

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NASA: Spacecraft crash site FOUND ON MOON RIM

Anomalous Cowshed
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Ah

Ah, Laddy...Cheese Grommit!

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Storage, probably like a college girl buying a belt. Be ready for the freshman 15

Anomalous Cowshed
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Re: Still waiting for someone to invent an "engine" for "search"...

Oh, you cheeky bastards, I've just looked it up!!! Thanks!

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Anomalous Cowshed
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Excuse me

Not having been a college girl, what's a freshman 15?

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WHITE HOUSE network DOWN: Nation-sponsored attack likely

Anomalous Cowshed
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Modern, media-oriented deductive empiricism at work

The Russians have the capacity, therefore it is the Russians who done it. QED.

We are definitely making progress in our quest to refine popular logic.

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'It's NOT a fishing expedition', say police over random spot checks on gun owners

Anomalous Cowshed
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It's not a fishing expedition, I swear

It's a rabbit hunting expedition. They're bad them rabbits around 'ere. Worse than fish, much worse. You've all seen what they can do, in that documentary...what was it called? Something about a holy grail. That's who we're hunting. Did I say 'who'? I meant 'what'. Run along, now. Nothing to see here, tally ho!

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CATACLYSMIC Sun BELCH causes hour-long RADIO BLACKOUT in SPAAACE

Anomalous Cowshed
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Re: Sun's latest FIERY BURP

N'est-ce-pas, my dear fellow. Comme-ci, comme-ça as they say on the other side of ze Chanel.

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Boffins want to put Quanta in containers, after docking

Anomalous Cowshed
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Making a qbit at home

How to get a quantum memory in the first place, for all you eager amateur quantum computer buffs out there.

Insert conventional memory chip into blender. Best use DRAM chip, but if you cannot get one, Micro SD card with Flash memory is ok.

Blend on hyperfine setting until you obtain a fine powder

Immerse powder in sulphuric acid for several days until all the powder has dissolved

Dilute repeatedly to 1:1000000000, until there is no absolute certainty, but a definite possibility of the residual presence of any molecules of DRAM in any given quantifiable volume of the solution.

Remove 10cc of the diluted solution (the Quantum Fraction)

Pour into sturdy plastic vat.

Wear appropriate clothing, something that reflects the reverence of the proceedings and turn any lights down using a dimmer or an on/off switch if no dimmer is available.

Smack the vat hard with a sledgehammer while chanting lines from the officially sanctioned abridged biography of Max Planck to an appropriate Plainchant tune.

Continue as long as possible, until the vat shows signs of impending cracking.

Voila, your qbit is ready! All you now need to do is extract it from the plastic vat, but that's a specialist job full of uncertainties, and we couldn't definitely tell you how to do it.

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Back to the ... drawing board: 'Hoverboard' will disappoint Marty McFly wannabes

Anomalous Cowshed
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Re: They should have gone with hovertoasters...

Hehe, grandpa! It's mad isn't it! Don't forget to factor in inflation! If you'd had a laptop with 8 Gb of memory in 1996, you'd have had enough money to buy a house in Kensington. And if you'd had that in your day, well, you'd be Bill Gates!

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Anomalous Cowshed
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Re: They should have gone with hovertoasters...

If I remember correctly, in 1996 i bought a 4 Megabyte memory expansion for a Toshiba portable, and it was £400, that's £100 per Mb, i.e. £100,000 per Gb. In those days, a 1 bedroom apartment in central London (30-40 m2) was around the same price as a Gb of memory. Now memory is less than £10 per Gb (I mean RAM) and the apartment is close to £1 million...you can buy a small super computer for that price.

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Trips to Mars may be OFF: The SUN has changed in a way we've NEVER SEEN

Anomalous Cowshed
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The Decision of the Space Exploration Council of the United Nations

The moment of truth had arrived. The bell rang, and thousands of heads turned towards the podium at the centre of the huge hall.

The Great Council was suddenly hushed.

The ballot on permitting the use of nuclear energy in space exploration had ended in a tie, it was now up to the Chairman of the Council to wield the casting vote.

He rose, in a cold sweat, his hands shaking slightly from his heightened awareness of the momentous import of the occasion.

For a moment, he struggled against a sudden flare-up of the dyslexia that had troubled him from childhood. Thanks to his tremendous mental training, he soon had it under control. He cleared his throat, and spoke...and in the process, forever buried the hopes of mankind:

"You ask me to decide whether we should permit the use of unclear energy in space exploration" said he. "Well, I vote against it. It's very name spells risk and uncertainty".

The Zwigillian embassador rubbed two of his tentacles together. For the foreseeable future, Deep Space, and the tremendous survival and trading benefits that it held for whomsoever would control it, would belong to Zwigill alone. Mankind would be relegated to watching TV and working in marketing and other paper shuffling jobs. And the Zwigillians would turn them into slaveeeeeees...

Zwigill the squid awoke with a sudden start. That old dotard Wang Wong had just noisily unlocked the door to the kitchen of the tacky little restaurant. What a weird dream, thought Zwigill, dazed, staring out of his glass tank. Little did he know that Wong's lunchtime menu that day was "fried squid noodles".

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It's Big, it's Blue... it's simply FABLESS! IBM's chip-free future

Anomalous Cowshed
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Big Blue

Big Blue must look to Apple and dream...

Dreams of shuffling papers, doing a bit of design, marketing...and selling stuff made by a Chinese company and rebranded IBM...Life would be much easier, without all those pesky blue-collar workers, clean rooms, engineers...Just a bit of paperwork, and cash, sweet cash...Mountains of cash. Why can't we also have that?

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Edward who? GCHQ boss dodges Snowden topic during last speech

Anomalous Cowshed
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this guy

Told the audience about spying over the past 31 years...from the second world war to the cold war...is he trying to confuse us paedophilesterrorists?

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MARS NEEDS WOMEN, claims NASA pseudo 'naut: They eat less

Anomalous Cowshed
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Not wanting to knock women or men, but

The lady who said (more or less) that most women on the mission had a calorie intake of less than 2000 versus more than 3000 for the men, did not say what the women were doing and what the men were doing.

If they were all doing more or less the same thing on average, then the difference is significant. But if the women were sat watching videos and polishing their nails, while the men were spending most of their time on space walks and repairing extremely complex bits of kit requiring enormous concentration and tremendous dexterity, then this is merely lying with statistics, and the sexism is on the other side.

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Apple flings iOS 8.1 at world+dog: Our AMAZEBALLS 9-step installation guide

Anomalous Cowshed
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I keep looking for "DownLAND and Install"

But I haven't found it yet...

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Microsoft to enter the STRUGGLE of the HUMAN WRIST

Anomalous Cowshed
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Throughout the history of humanity...

The wrist has been a significant competitor to the fanny (meaning of course the fanny in the American sense, as in a snug little pouch into which you might slip your, er, mobile phone). At times, the wrist has won out, and this currently seems to be the case, with a huge volume of pornnew smart watches competing for our attention on the market.

When asked to comment about this, a former senior UK politician said that it was "fanny business", and then proceeded to claim her husband's wrist-related pay-tv bill as parliamentary expenses.

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Are you a gun owner? Let us in OR ELSE, say Blighty's top cops

Anomalous Cowshed
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We are the police

We can do what we want, so, tough on you, mate

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NASA eyeballs SOLAR HEAT BOMBS, MINI-TORNADOES and NANOFLARES on Sun

Anomalous Cowshed
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solar heat bombs?

Arrest the sun for terrorism!

That's every single person who works for the Sun, for acts of terrorism against the English language.

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'Dancing Jesus' file-sharer found guilty

Anomalous Cowshed
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Re: Sure he's a freetard

In my day DHS used to do unemployment benefit and pensions.

Or was it DHSS? I can't keep up!

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French 'terror law' declares WAR on the INTERNET itself, say digi-rights folks

Anomalous Cowshed
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Re: Who defines terrorist ?

Cow's definition of a terrorist: (1) anyone except members of the Hindu religion (valid ID required). (2) Anyone called McDonalds or who is in any way associated with McDonalds, the so-called restaurant chain.

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Anomalous Cowshed
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Re: Who defines terrorist ?

Choose whichever definition of terrorist you like best:

Broad definition of terrorist: all of you lot.

Narrow definition of terrorist: you, and you, and you over there, and you on the right, and you in front, and you...ok this is taking too long, so...all of you lot.

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EU Competition chief: So what if I didn't tame Google? You're all 'irrational' anyway

Anomalous Cowshed
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I think...

I can sum it up neatly while at the same time maybe turning things to my advantage a bit:

"Come here, now. I too want to investigate you. And I'll settle for half of what he got."

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Apple's new iPADS have begun the WAR that will OVERTURN the NETWORK WORLD

Anomalous Cowshed
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So this is what they meant when they said...

...that the next world war would be fought with nanotechnology...

I note that the combatants have been preparing for years with their nano-SIMS...

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Arab States make play for greater government control of the internet

Anomalous Cowshed
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In general - and not specifically about Arab States...

What's this fashionable bullshit about the sovereign rights of States? Why should a State have any rights, as opposed to individual citizens having the rights?

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Scientists skeptical of Lockheed Martin's truck-sized FUSION reactor breakthrough boast

Anomalous Cowshed
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Re: 10 years

I'm not sure that everyone having access to their own private 100 Mw reactor in their 1-bed flat or in their backyard would be beneficial for humanity. This kind of thing needs to be thought over a little. What impact would near limitless energy have on our lives and surroundings? It might change everything, and we might not want everything to change, not so fast anyway. Maybe it's not such a bad thing that the technology is taking a long time to develop, Lockheed or no Lockheed.

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Martha Lane Fox: YEUCH! The Internet is MADE by MEN?!?

Anomalous Cowshed
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This is one of those people upon whom fortune has smiled....

...who are constantly being praised for doing absolutely nothing, and raved about for saying absolute claptrap.

Is it because of the silver spoon wedged in their mouth that they end up talking out of their arse?

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Don't wait for that big iPad, order a NEXUS 9 instead, industry little bird says

Anomalous Cowshed
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Re: L stands for ?

Lemon sherbet?

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Ada Lovelace Day: Meet the 6 women who gave you the 'computer'

Anomalous Cowshed
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In reply to your response...

Hogwash, my dear Watson.

With apologies for the lack of political correctness, which tends to make many sensible views unfashionable these days.

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Anomalous Cowshed
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Without women there wouldn't be computers

Based on the examples stated in this article, that's the same as saying "without men there wouldn't be babies". Or "Britain's space programme received a tremendous boost yesterday when NASA agreed to authorise the use of McVities biscuits at its astronaut training centre in Florida".

I like programming, I know many men who do too, but the vast majority of the women I've ever met did not (except for one, absolutely brilliant girl who was in the year above me in school). Is that weird, or what?

There are some talented women programmers. Just like there are some women who are really good at football. But on AVERAGE, in most cases, this is something that is more suited to men - or at least, has been until now, lovelace or no lovelace. Men tend to be better at it than women.

Most women would rather leave such things to men and concentrate on other activities, like building careers in other kinds of jobs or looking for a mate before the biological clock runs out. They are too busy to bury themselves in a basement for days on end, wearing dirty T-shirts and eating stale pizza while testing algorithms in front of a monitor.

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NSA Sentry Eagle placed spies in private companies

Anomalous Cowshed
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sentry eagol, did you say?

That rhymes with Sméagol, doesn't it? I knew it. Sauron, is back...all this Mount Doom and My Precious business was just a diversion. One Internet to rule them all...argggh...

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Stop ROBOT exploitation, cry striking Foxconn workers

Anomalous Cowshed
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exploitation

We in the enlightened West reached our lofty quality of life and morality, of paper pushing, McDonalds, Mickey Mouse holiday campsuniversities, and reality TV, on the back of the exploitation and death of millions of workers in sweatshops and mines in the Victorian era. So perhaps the same process is happening in China...

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Xiaomi boss snaps back at Jony Ive's iPhone rival 'theft' swipe

Anomalous Cowshed
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Oy Xiaomi

I think your mobile phones are crap.

Can you send me one as a present?

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To Russia With Love: Snowden's pole-dancer girlfriend is living with him in Moscow

Anomalous Cowshed
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Re: William Donelson

I totally agree.

I recently dated a gorgeous pole dancer / stripppp.... Oh no, I didn't realise the wife was in the room, I hope she didn't see me writing this comme...OMG, she did!!! got to gooooo...

(Smash, bash, crash, squeeze balls...Did I write "recently"? It was a typo! It was that damn autocorrect! I meant to write "a long time ago"!!!)

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Swiss wildlife park serves up furry residents to visitors

Anomalous Cowshed
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Re: Key Words, Natural Cycle

Well, there are some among the more extreme vegan sects who would take offence to you doing all the dastardly things you've described...to a tomato or a lettuce in its prime.

We'll have none of your genocidal picking, harvesting and other barbaric practices.

Only fruits and vegetables which have already died a natural death may be eaten.

I say - show some respect to Tommy Tomato and Lisa Lettuce.

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SHATTERED: Apple's jilted glass supplier to shut down sapphire ops

Anomalous Cowshed
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We may argue about who is right and who is wrong...

...and whether sapphire glass is the future or not...

But one thing is sure: the only people who will benefit now from this story are the lawyers.

At times like this, it must be good to be a lawyer. The longer the fighting, the pain and the trouble lasts, the greater your fee, the bigger your house, the most expensive your new suit and the diamond ring for the wife.

Technology? Shmecknology! <corny cash register sound>

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Re-light my diode: Trio of boffins scoop physics Nobel for BLUE LEDs

Anomalous Cowshed
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Re: Curious

I love LED lamps, but:

1. How can these Swedes be so sure that "the 21st century will be lit by LED lamps"?

2. LED lamps have begun to replace other lamps MAINLY because the low-energy fluorescent lamps that were forced upon us over the past few years are so crap, and because the simple, straight-forward and cheap filament bulbs are gradually being banned by Western governments. The cost/benefit analysis for most people, who think short-term, will be negative.

The onset of LED lamps is not a 'revolution'. Most applications could have been covered by existing technology. This is merely a useful and beneficial incremental improvement in the struggle to cut energy use.

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Big racks? Pah. Storage boffins have made a BIONIC BRAIN material

Anomalous Cowshed
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As a word...

Doesn't 'perovskite' sound like 'Peroxide' in Russian?

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Nokia Lumia 735: Ignore the selfie hype, it's a grown-up phone

Anomalous Cowshed
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Re: @ Anomalous Cowshed "The number of times my smartphone has crashed............."

I should not have posted such a comment. I see that there is a code that must be followed with this subject matter. I failed to follow it, being new to this game. You showed me. I stand corrected. I must not criticise, and I shall not. It is a wonderful piece of kit. I just didn't know how to use it. That is all. I recognise that the things I described are an impossibility. I should have known better. There are people who, together with their wives, have been using this type of mobile phone for several generations without issues. How could I then, who have only been using one for 6 months, purport to claim that it was not good?

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Anomalous Cowshed
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I'm sorry

When comparing mobile phones, you have to bear in mind the operating system.

I use Windows Phone right now. The number of times my smartphone has crashed, in a variety of situations, often seemingly completely arbitrary, is depressing - especially since I went out and bought no less than 3 of the bastards for myself and members of my family, this year, in a bid to seek something new and potentially better. There are issues with getting real-time data, including battery data, push e-mail, recognising networks, and obvious bits of functionality left out. This is still a half-baked platform, not a serious option for someone who needs a functional and reliable mobile device. I used Android before, and iPhone before that, and although each had issues, they were less frustrating than this.

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Man brings knife to a gun fight and WINS

Anomalous Cowshed
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Re: I think the use of the term "male" by law enforcement is entirely justified.

No I believe you are misguided, let me explain to you why:

They were not referring to a man or a boy or an adolescent of the masculine gender.

If you look carefully at the sentence, with a suitable magnifying object, for instance the bottom of a bottle of whisky whose contents must have been emptied but not thrown away in the seconds leading up to the operation, you suddenly see this:

"The victim believed the copy of the Daily Mail was still inside his house and officers contained the area. Commands were given for the Mail to be brought out and a robot was used to look inside the home and read it. While Everett officers worked to decipher the Mail, Marysville Police Department found another copy of the Mail at a house in Marysville. It was impounded and is expected to be thrown into the Snohomish County incinerator."

Now it starts to make more sense.

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Why US Feds and g-men kick up a stink about a growing smartphone encryption trend

Anomalous Cowshed
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As a lifelong terrorist...

I for one welcome the new encryption facilities on the iphone and android phones and look forward to using them to commit further atrocities against police morality.

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IRONY ALERT: Former MI6 chief warns of 'mass snooping' - by PAEDOS

Anomalous Cowshed
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Young girls are vulnerable to tracking...

As a former boy, I for one welcome this announcement since it means that my fellow boys and myself are immune from young-girl-tracking overlordspaedophiles.

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That PERSONAL DATA you give away for free to Facebook 'n' pals? It's worth at least £140

Anomalous Cowshed
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The pitfalls of giving away your personal data

You've just moved in to your first home after leaving your parents' place, you are having breakfast and you see, on the box of cornflakes, that they are running a 'win a brand new Bollogs breakfast cereal bowl' competition.

1. Your reaction is: "Yippee! I would love to have that Bollogs cereal bowl, it's so colourful and completely free of charge!" You fill in all your contact details and sit back, waiting for the cereal bowl to materialise.

2. After a few unsuccessful attempts, you start to get a bit wary. You begin to look a bit closer at the small print, and you see, written in Microscopica MT 0.0001 point font: "We won't use your contact details to try to sell you anything". You smile and nod to yourself: you knew it all along, Bollogs are completely above board. They just need my full name, phone number, address, e-mail address, age, profession, sexual orientation, record of criminal convictions, race, political affiliation, creed, social security number, nationality, salary, favourite newspapers, home insurance provider, life insurance details, naked photos of girlfriend...for the competition. You forget to check for the presence of a sentence in which they promise NOT TO GIVE AWAY / SELL your contact details to other companies.

3. A few years pass, and you are at least older if not wiser, and receiving a lot of junk mail, SPAM and unsolicited phone calls; suddenly you begin to realise that the game isn't really worth it: you're giving away precious data that can and will be used mercilessly against you in direct marketing / customer stalking campaigns, in return for a remote, infinitesimal chance of winning something of zero value...

Facebook is merely the zenith, the acme, the ultimate social engineering trick. It's a million times more effective than any phishing campaign. You voluntarily and even aggressively give your whole privacy away, in return for bogus 'friends' on an electronic bulletin board. And then you wonder what makes Facebook, which is free to use, worth 200 billion USD...

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Hey Brit taxpayers. You just spent £4m on Central London ‘innovation playground’

Anomalous Cowshed
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Mr. Lewis Page will be happy about this latest news

He's campaigned for steam-powered catapults to be installed on HM's new aircraft carriers. The government has been slow to respond, but here you are, a prototype is being built: a digital catapult, in Kings Cross. It's different from a steam catapult, granted, but if you focus on the word 'catapult', and take certain substances, the difference can appear trivial. I believe it won't take long, in geological terms, for the real thing to materialise. It's a way of taking a step in the right direction and lining the pockets of some marketing gurus and consultants, at the expense of those mean and pesky taxpayers; everyone's a winner!

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George Clooney, WikiLeaks' lawyer wife hand out burner phones to wedding guests

Anomalous Cowshed
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Excuse me, but...

What's a burner phone?

And how sad and contrived all this sounds!

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iPAD-FONDLING fanboi sparks SECURITY ALERT at Sydney airport

Anomalous Cowshed
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Re: Security Works

No, I take it off.

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Anomalous Cowshed
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Security Works

You may criticise it as much as you want, but airport security works. I've been a terrorist for decades, since I was out of diapers in fact, and they stop me every time I go to an airport, intending to board a flight, and successfully prevent me from committing unspeakable acts of terrorism. I have no hat, but I take my belt off to these proud men and women.

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Turn OFF your phone or WE'LL ALL DI... live? Europe OKs mobes, tabs non-stop on flights

Anomalous Cowshed
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Yippee!

"If you fancy spending your next European airline flight sitting next to someone who's carrying on a protracted conversation via mobile phone, you're in luck."

<LSD>

At last! Flying was so boring until now. No beeps, no ringtones, no "I'm on a plane". Now it'll be like a bus. It's taken a long time, but you cannot stop progress.

</LSD>

This brings to mind something a friend once said to me, relatively unrelated to : What would happen if you accidentally fell over in the aisle of a plane after taking some LSD ?

Answer: You'd be tripping while tripping on a trip.

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