* Posts by Dr Scrum Master

96 posts • joined 6 Aug 2012

Page:

Manchester car park lock hack leads to horn-blare hoo-ha

Dr Scrum Master
Coat

my first four cars didn't even have central locking

Mine had an early version of central locking: I'd sit in the driver's seat and lean across to lock the passenger door.

(That's me looking for the car keys.)

2
0

Microsoft celebrates 25 years' SOLITARY SELF-PLEASURE with GROUP SESSION

Dr Scrum Master

Where?

Windows 8 users were spared having the game foisted on them by default, which may explain why the OS hasn't been well-received.

This was the first thing I had to install after my wife got a Windows 8 laptop.

3
0

Apple threw its TV out the window after years of research: report

Dr Scrum Master
Headmaster

Re: "Activist Investor"

No, it's an asset-stripping corporate raider.

0
0

Milking cow shot dead by police 'while trying to escape'

Dr Scrum Master
IT Angle

Re: Shirley...

1 police car per lane will stop traffic on a road.

0
0

NASA plans electrolysis-powered ROBOT EEL for Europa's oceans

Dr Scrum Master

Eureka!

Mining asteroids for water because of the supposed cost of placing water into orbit is a bit misguided. Just combine the following:

space elevator

Archimedes screw

rising sea levels

If it's plausible to have a space elevator then it's just as plausible to have an Archimedes screw of the same length. Dip it into the ocean and hey presto, you have water for space flight and a solution for rising sea levels!

0
0

FOUND: NASA's stray balloon located in the middle of nowhere

Dr Scrum Master

Bricks?

Are those bricks underneath the solar panels?

If so, what did it land on?

0
0

Shields up! Shields up! ASTRONAUTS flying to MARS will arrive BRAIN DAMAGED, boffins claim

Dr Scrum Master
Mushroom

Re: Not really equivalent

All of which leads me to the only sane conclusion: in order to get to mars safely, we need to use the moon as a spaceship.

With nuclear propulsion on one side and a moon base on the other?

10
1

Why recruiters are looking beyond IT's traditional talent pool

Dr Scrum Master

Which?

Who would you rather have more of: brain surgeons or data scientists?

4
0

Singapore's PM personally programmed C++ Suduko-solver

Dr Scrum Master

Typical

Typical Singaporean programmer... spends some time programming then expects to be elevated to a management position.

Guess the number of native-born Singaporeans in my Singapore development office?

Zero

0
0

Light the torches! NSA's BFF Senator Feinstein calls for e-book burning

Dr Scrum Master
Headmaster

Re: Next week...meanwhile @TexTopCat

Incidentally, the Second Amendment says nothing at all about recording who has guns, or what they have. It says people have the right to have them, and it wants a well regulated militia.

No, no, no, no, no! That amendment is always being misunderstood. It has nothing at all to do with firearms and everything to do with heraldry. The point about a well-regulated militia is precisely to do with the regulation of a militia as opposed to having individuals with men bearing the arms of their lord and master.

1
0

Blighty's 12-sided quid to feature schoolboy's posterior

Dr Scrum Master

Re: And how long will the "old" coins be valid?

"Six months."

By the time I next return to the UK I'll have completely forgotten about this and will be left wondering why the handful of coins I keep (because it's handy to keep small denominations when visiting different countries) aren't accepted.

1
0

Windows 10 will finally drop in 'summer' says Microsoft

Dr Scrum Master

Re: Summer has a special meaning in the NorthWest

>Summer has a different meaning in Australia - maybe that's what they mean

Summer? The closest some of us get to seasons are the prevailing monsoons or the amount of haze from neighbouring countries.

0
0

Microsoft: You'll get the next Windows 10 build when we're GOOD AND READY

Dr Scrum Master
Coat

Timewarp

They appear to think it's 3rd September...

(I'm the one with my hand stuck in the time portal.)

5
0

NO ONE is making money from YouTube, even Google – report

Dr Scrum Master
Gimp

Pay to Comment

Why doesn't YouTube try pay-to-comment?

0
0

Google opens 'Inbox' heir-to-email trial to biz users

Dr Scrum Master

Re: If it ain't broke

There are a few extra things I'd like to do with e-mail - and I'm not going to mention them here - but good luck to Google anyway.

0
0

BLAME ENGINEERS: Workstation sales soar by 8.9 per cent a year

Dr Scrum Master
Headmaster

Pointing forwards, walking backwards

"decline of -0.8 per cent"

That would be an increase?

11
0

Sitting on one's ARSE is the new CANCER, says Tim Cook - and an Apple watch will save you

Dr Scrum Master
Terminator

Thinking Not Required

"Some doctors now think that sitting down for long periods is the new cancer, so ten minutes before the hour the Watch software taps you to make you have a walk around," he recounted. "It's quite funny to be in a meeting at Apple and ten minutes before the hour people get up and start moving around, but people like it."

Oh my God, not only are the customers brainwashed but the company is staffed with robots!

3
0

Crap mobile coverage costs UK biz £30m a week, reckons survey

Dr Scrum Master

What Poor Coverage?

Come to Singapore where good in-building mobile coverage is mandated by the Government.

0
0

Microsoft makes 'business case' for marriage equality

Dr Scrum Master

Poly?

Does that include polygamy so as not to disenfranchise many Muslims?

3
4

GROUPTHINK HIVE MIND informs climate change believers

Dr Scrum Master

US Residents

I.e. the people who are politically polarised nut-jobs are engaged in group-think and hate the opposing group. Hmmm

1
0

Rule-breakers thrive in strait-laced Singapore

Dr Scrum Master
Paris Hilton

Local Talent

IT hiring is a challenge in Singapore as the quality of the candidates is generally poor. I get CVs from people in big financial institutions claiming skills, but a practical test shows that they might have heard the name of a language from someone they were sat next to rather than having actually programmed anything in it.

Then there are the stories of hiring managers from certain countries replacing the locals with people from their own country/state/region/city/town/village...

0
0

IBM to cut '118k jobs worldwide' – report claims

Dr Scrum Master

Re: Axe the axe!

If anything should be axed it's the cliched illustrations when there's a story related to obesity.

Please, I want to read the articles on obesity, but I have to avert my gaze at the same time.

1
0

Stop viewing Facebook at work says Facebook at work on Facebook at Work

Dr Scrum Master
Mushroom

Re: Silly question...

"Surely, [Mr Z]'d just be better off buying LinkedIn ??"

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

0
0

It's hacker jihad: Islamist skiddies square up to Anonymous

Dr Scrum Master

Useful

Dear Anonymous and other skiddies,

Please do something useful such as disabling auto-play video on websites.

2
0

Preserve the concinnity of English, caterwauls American university

Dr Scrum Master

Re: There... completed the assignment and used them all.

"Actually, at worst it is vaguely Biblical, as evidenced by the Origin section of http://www.oxforddictionaries.com/definition/english/philistine. ;-)"

Which just goes to show the effectiveness of propaganda by the Hebrews.

0
0

Router creds admin/admin? Lizard Squad thanks you

Dr Scrum Master

Dear Lizard Squad,

Please do something useful such as launching a DDoS against website with auto-play videos on their pages.

0
0

El Reg's Giant Mobile Industry Roundup of 2014

Dr Scrum Master
Headmaster

Sir Ive

I've become accustomed to incorrect use of titles over the years with Americans treating Prime Minister as a title and their peculiar habit of treating Ambassador as a title, but thus far I’d only found Singaporeans misusing “Sir” (although in the Philippines it’s used as a polite honorific for all men).

0
0

Google+ to offer 'infinite' gender identity options

Dr Scrum Master

" still not entirely friendly to those who, like Australian provocateur Stilgherrian, prefer to be known by a single name."

Not just a convention for Burmese but for many Indonesians too.

0
0

El Reg Redesign - leave your comment here.

Dr Scrum Master
FAIL

When?

If I refreshed a page at some unknown time in the past it's quite useless for me to know that an article was posted n hours before that point. Tell me an absolute date and time, not some relative duration relative to an unknown point in time.

(And a big thumbs up to the, err, big thumbs down from most (all?) comments.)

0
0

Apple lawyers fight to silence dead Steve Jobs: 'No right' to hear him from beyond the grave

Dr Scrum Master
Black Helicopters

Re: Not strange to me...

@Khapitan you're missing the the biggest conspiracy ever: the bumblebee hoax.

Scientists proved that bumblebees could not fly, but the Illuminati kept showing people pictures of bumblebees in flight, even releasing fake bumblebees that looked like they could fly, and now the whole world is convinced that bumblebees can actually fly.

1
0

systemd row ends with Debian getting forked

Dr Scrum Master
Headmaster

The “No” camp complainedsystemd is not well-aligned with Unix philosophies, reflects the rise of a “do-ocracy” whereby effort trumps quality and steers Debian in the direction of the desktop. That the “do-ocrats” largely come from the ranks of Gnome developers, rather than

Didn't the author's effort trump quality in this paragraph?

...oh, I see what you did there.

1
1

Go festive this year with Christmas carols, baby Jesus and CLITORAL STIMULATORS

Dr Scrum Master

Ah, progress.

Yes, we now have to wait for projector screens to descend and ascend gracefully rather than flying at falcon-like speed at the tug of a cord.

1
0

The Imitation Game: Bringing Alan Turing's classified life to light

Dr Scrum Master
Joke

Sexual Desert

Isn't that what a marriage is?

0
0
Dr Scrum Master
Headmaster

Re: Aspergers etc

>As a result they may interact a bit differently from your average refuse collector or marketing executive.

I see what you did there, you juxtaposed refuse collector with refuse producer. How clever.

1
0

Martha Lane Fox: YEUCH! The Internet is MADE by MEN?!?

Dr Scrum Master

Re: Utopian drivel

""A more pressing concern is that not voting is a valid choice. I didn't have any acceptable choices for MP at the last general election, so I didn't cast a vote for any of the candidates."

I don't see that as a valid reason for objecting to compulsory voting (although there are other valid reasons) since a ballot can be spoiled, thus venting your spleen or alternatively, part of a change to compulsory voting would be add a "None of the above" choice on the ballot which is counted, totalled and announced as part of the results."

And if we have compulsory voting with voting machines or voting over the Internet, then is there scope for spoiling one's "ballot paper"?

7
1
Dr Scrum Master

Re: Utopian drivel

> >A more pressing concern is that not voting is a valid choice. I didn't have any acceptable choices for MP at the last general election, so I didn't cast a vote for any of the candidates.

> Yeah, but then a consequence of compulsory voting might be that there would then be a candidate you could vote for.

Does such a miraculous materialisation of an acceptable candidate happen in places where compulsory voting is already practiced?

How does this make any difference to a system where a small party clique gets to decide on a party's candidate and if it's a safe seat then that handful of people has effectively dictated who will be the MP for that constituency? Or even worse, the local party clique doesn't even get a look-in when (Labour) head office imposes a candidate on the constituency.

3
0

Scientists skeptical of Lockheed Martin's truck-sized FUSION reactor breakthrough boast

Dr Scrum Master
Mushroom

10 years

20 years ago nuclear fusion was 10 years away.

10 years ago nuclear fusion was 10 years away.

This year nuclear fusion is 10 years away.

10 years from now?

23
4

SPECIAL iPHONE TROUSERS will ease Apple into the fashion world

Dr Scrum Master
Paris Hilton

Why keep it in your pocket?

Alternatively, ladies can also carry their iPhone like a handbag.

http://thesakeofvanity.bigcartel.com/product/new-2014-high-quality-3d-iphone-5-5s-case-chanel-perfume-bottle-w-chain-tpu

0
0

Man's future in space ... Barack Obama: Mars. Narendra Modi: Mars. Vladimir Putin: Er, Moon

Dr Scrum Master
Mushroom

Re: Moon is a harsh mistress

7. Store nuclear waste on the far side...

9
0

SpaceX breaks ground on first commercial spaceport in Texas

Dr Scrum Master
Headmaster

Re: Good place for it.

They're well clear of Tornado Alley down there. Only some hurricanes to worry about...

0
0

Show us your Five-Eyes SECRETS says Privacy International

Dr Scrum Master
Coat

Re: Thin end of the wedge

air/train/car/jet pack/miniature submarine/etc

FTFY

7
0

SAP chaps cook up Glass Glass style apps for ...WHERE are you off to with that FORKLIFT?

Dr Scrum Master
Coat

And it's goodnight from him

Warehouse Picker combines hands-free working with visualisation and voice recognition for data entry

Four candles?

0
0

BONEHEAD FANBOIS encamp outside Apple Stores

Dr Scrum Master
Terminator

Beware the Giant Rabbi

working for TaskRabbot, which allows people to outsource work to people who live nearby.

I think you'll find that TaskRabbot is the one which allows people to outsource work to robots that live nearby,

0
0

CNN 'tech analyst' on NAKED CELEBS: WHO IS this mystery '4chan' PERSON?

Dr Scrum Master
Headmaster

Re: Discriminatory Pisswords

Are you taking the pi££$?

FTFTFY

2
0

IBM: OK, Watson, you've won Jeopardy. Now, CURE CANCER

Dr Scrum Master
Unhappy

Re: "..research paper is published nearly every 30 seconds.."

What gets me is that at a public University, taxpayers pay the author salaries for the papers produced. Then if John Q. wants one of these papers he paid for, he must pay again. And the cost is not for printing, etc.

I also helped pay for dozens of tanks, missiles, etc but does the government let me play with any of those toys? Does it hell!

0
0

Google's 'Captain Moonshot': I will BOMB you with DELIVERIES

Dr Scrum Master

Re: Prizes From Heaven!

Be careful, you only live twice. So watch out for the chap in Little Nellie.

5
0

Get ready: The top-bracket young coders of the 2020s will be mostly GIRLS

Dr Scrum Master
Headmaster

Re: What do we want from Coders?

which is why I object to the term "coder" other than for people translating questionnaire results and the like for data entry

0
0

Kate Bush: Don't make me HAVE CONTACT with your iPHONE

Dr Scrum Master
Paris Hilton

If you don't want to watch Kate live you could always see Placebo covering Running Up That Hill...

...or maybe not.

0
0

Cops baffled by riddle of CHICKEN who crossed ROAD

Dr Scrum Master
Coat

Colour?

Was the chicken black?

0
0

Take the shame: Microsofties ADMIT to playing Internet Explorer name-change game

Dr Scrum Master
Coat

Re: New browser names:

> Please not the Bing Browser, I'm begging you.

> Bing is the lamest name in the history of IT, even apple couldn't make it cool.

They've had Bob, now Bing, so next up is Dorothy.

0
0

Page:

Forums