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* Posts by Amorous Cowherder

562 posts • joined 5 Jul 2012

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Driving with an Apple Watch could land you with a £100 FINE

Amorous Cowherder
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Re: Speedo?

Use voice control? I've only got a bog standard Honda CRV and it has full voice control for almost every system in the car, including heating, sat nav, music/radio, phone calls. Push one button on the steering wheel and then tell it what you want, "heater up one degree", "radio preset two", "satnav destination home" or "phone book dial home" to get the handfree to use my mobile. Alright you look a bit mental to passers by while sitting at the lights shouting at no one inside your car but at least you never have to take your eye off the road other than for the speedo. You can use cruise control to lock the speed on long roads.

My kids have a great time yelling rude or stupid words at the cars voice control to see how badly it interprets their squeeky tones!

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Hey, Scots. Microsoft's Bing thinks you'll vote NO to independence

Amorous Cowherder
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Scotland would probably ally with France, they have many, many times before. The "auld alliance" I believe it's called?

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Hate Facebook? Hate it enough to spend $9k fleeing it? Web 'country club' built for the rich

Amorous Cowherder
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Facepalm

Fools and their money.

Hmmm, an online forum full of braying twats bragging about the latest petrol driven penis substitution they've just plonked in the one of their many garages, sounds like a barrel of laughs!

Facebook might be shit but at least I haven't forked out $9k for the privilege to read shite by a load of twats I probably wouldn't be seen dead with in public, on FB I can get it for free.

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First Irish boy band U2. Now Apple pushes ANOTHER thing into iPhones, iPods, iPads

Amorous Cowherder
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Facepalm

Nothing generates as many downvotes on posts as a good Andy vs Apple story!

x

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'Windows 9' LEAK: Microsoft's playing catchup with Linux

Amorous Cowherder
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OSX has it, Linux has it, heck didn't the Amiga Workbench have a hack like this once? About time Windows caught up.

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Chinese city creates footpath for smartphone addicts

Amorous Cowherder
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Boffin

Alright it's a stupid example but does point a very clear lesson that the Asian countries take technology and its use very seriously, that's just one of the reasons their economy's are growing at a rapid rate compared to ours in the west. We need to be just as daft as them in trying to find innovative ways to harness technology for everyone's benefit. It's a funny joke but with a serious message underneath!

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Microsoft's rumoured $2.5bn Minecraft gobble expected on Monday

Amorous Cowherder
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Seems daft to buy a product that's pretty much as bedded in as this is, it's pretty much run it's course and those who are into it now are pretty much the only ones who are, it's not going to get a huge upsurge in users at this late stage. I'm genuinely curious to know what opportunities MS sees in this, other than turning it into a pay-2-play game for existing users, "The base is still free but our new super add-ons will cost you!".

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What kind of mugs do you take us for? Malicious sites in spam scams target UK

Amorous Cowherder
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Have you seen any of these? "You have a a UPS/Fedex parcel for pickup! Click here!", "You are summoned to appear in court in Bumblefuck, USA. Click here for the PDF.". "You have air tickets from American Airlines, click here."

Honestly, they're hardly believable are they?!

#1 Have you ordered anything? Check with supplier's website directly.

#2 Have you ever set foot in the USA, let alone made it to Bumblefuck?

#3 Have you ordered tickets for anything remotely transport like?

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James Bond's metal-toothed nemesis Richard Kiel dies at 74

Amorous Cowherder
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A sad day

Didn't he do a Shreaded Wheat ad once?

No one remembers actors who play the good guys be we always remember a villain!

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Found inside ISIS terror chap's laptop: CELINE DION tunes

Amorous Cowherder
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Facepalm

"...and advice on how to avoid the attention of the authorities."

Like not leaving your laptop, full of cack, in a bloody obvious place where they'll find it?

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Google extends app refund window to two hours

Amorous Cowherder
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Facepalm

That 15 mins was always a bugger, some games are well over 400MB, so on a portable wifi connection it can take 10 mins to get the game, 30 seconds to start, 60 seconds to get through the company logo animations and 2 mins to watch the intro trailers not a lot of time left to decide!

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This flashlight app requires: Your contacts list, identity, access to your camera...

Amorous Cowherder
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Facepalm

I think one the biggest problems is laziness. These crappy little apps are often written by people who've spent about 2 weeks learning Java, then decided to have a crack at Android development, managed to knock up some naff little app in an afternoon and in order to make it as easy as possible to get access to the class defs they need, they simply enable everything possible. It's much like some DB developers simply ask for DBA level account privs as it makes it easier than having to code within the confines of a security system. Consequently when the naff little Android app heads to the store it flags up that it needs X + Y + Z just to enable the flashlight on the camera!

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What the BLOCK? Microsoft to gobble Minecraft-maker 'for $2bn'

Amorous Cowherder
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Facepalm

So what

There's so many derivitives of MC on the portable platforms now that losing MC to MS will be no great hardship, I fully expect that there's already plenty of open source alternatives to MC on various platforms.

Same old tale, a great success story but the big boys only move in late. They realise they've bought a duff one but they push on. They mess with it trying to get their money back but because it's been cloned and copied, usually bettered, they fail and then they "bargain basement" the product back to the original maker!

I'd almost put money down on MS buying it for stupid money and selling it back to Notch for a $150m in 3 years time!

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BONEHEAD FANBOIS encamp outside Apple Stores

Amorous Cowherder
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Facepalm

Re: Jog on, pal!

You'd really waste that much time and effort on these people? Let evolution take it's course when a load of pissed up revellers walk past this coming Friday night!

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Cave scrawls prove Neanderthals were AT LEAST as talented as modern artists

Amorous Cowherder
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Re: Crude scrawl?

Why did I hear Kate Robbins voice reading the part of Ug in breakfast's post?!! Time of the pub methinks!

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Don't bother with Apple's 9 Sept hype-day: Someone's GONE AND BLABBED IT ALL

Amorous Cowherder
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Facepalm

New one-handed mode?!

Really? One huge elephant-in-the-room joke just waiting to be spotted there!

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Amorous Cowherder
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Thumb Up

Re: Biting on the Apple

"Can anyone with a 3 year old Android phone say the same?"

Yep, still using my Galaxy S2, now heading for it's 3rd birthday next month. Had a screen protector on it from day 1 ( which I changed after only last night actually ), the screen is immaculate underneath. The rubber case means there's not a single scratch on it anywhere. With grateful thanks to the the wonderful hacking community, I've bounced Android up to a 4.4.2 2 months ago and it still works like a charm and still plays the latest games!

So I'm sorry to say, unless something stupid happens to it, no phone manufacturers will be getting any custom off me in the near future.

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You are here => Earth is in 'the suburbs' of an IMMENSE HEAVEN

Amorous Cowherder
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Unhappy

Re: Too bad there is no such thing as a total perspective vortex

Sadly that's what makes it all the remarkable. Huge, mind-f**king amount of exciting stuff out there to find and look at, yet the idiots jacking-off over their bits of metal that make bang-bang noises just seem intent in trying to keep the human race a smidge below the mental capacity of pond scum.

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Don't buy that phone! It ATTRACTS CRIMINALS, UK.gov will tell people

Amorous Cowherder
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Facepalm

How about spending taxes on educating morons on being careful rather than giving ministers and lackeys the fun of pouring over useless insurance stats and playing with valuable handsets?

The number of idiots with bags wide open ( especially you ladies on the tube! ) showing all their tech goodies and wallets/purses, people staring blankly into space while holding their latest iPhone with just two fingers and the idiots who leave their phones on tables in public places while they lean over to another table to get something. Put it in your pocket! If you need to wait for a call, crank up the volume or vibrate for the next hour or two. Some ringtones are loud and obnoxious enough to wake the dead, you don't need to be fondling your phone 24 hours a day on the off chance of a call.

No not everyone is a scumbag, but it's better to be safe than sorry.

( Don't get me started on the idiots to take their cash from ATMs and just wander away waving it about for 30 seconds before putting it in their pocket! )

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CNN 'tech analyst' on NAKED CELEBS: WHO IS this mystery '4chan' PERSON?

Amorous Cowherder
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Facepalm

So Brett's will now be "a$$hole" ???

Tch!

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Good luck with Project Wing, Google. This drone moonshot is NEVER going to happen

Amorous Cowherder
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Re: Why?

The US Gov ( and others worldwide ) doesn't want shit loads of these things buzzing about up there, so Google realises this and wants to get in there first. They can then provide a delivery service to others for a huge fee. If Amazon, UPS, Fedex, et al can't get their own licenses, Google are on to a nice little earner and imagine Google getting their grubby mitts on all that logistics data? Goldmine!!

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It's official: Brit parents want their kids to be just like Steve Bong

Amorous Cowherder
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WTF?

Who the heck is Steve Bong? I never heard of him before!

I assume this is someone famous from TV? I've no time for broadcast TV these days, especially if the stars are called Bong!

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Twitter: La la la, we haven't heard of NUDE JLaw, Upton SELFIES

Amorous Cowherder
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Re: Polaroids FTW

"No doubt some idiot will suggest they shouldn't take nude pictures of themselves. Why the hell shouldn't they?"

That's not the issue as such. The point is, don't take nude pictures of yourself IF you don't ever want anyone to see them. No problem with the pics but I, and I suspect most sensible people, have a problem with the stupid attitudes when these pics end up leaked.

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Amorous Cowherder
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Happy

Re: @David Webb

@janimal - I do often and the love of my life starts wondering which latest techno-toy I've just wasted large sums of the shared back account on! Ha ha!

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BBC: We're going to slip CODING into kids' TV

Amorous Cowherder
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Happy

Oh for the late Iain McNaught Davis, he'd have us all programming again in a jiffy!

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iCloud fiasco: 100 FAMOUS WOMEN exposed NUDE online

Amorous Cowherder
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Facepalm

Re: Yes.

"you fucking well have plenty to fear now!"

Well no, not really. I'm not a complete twat who'd even contemplate posting anything as moronic as a naked picture of myself in a public place!

IT lesson #132 for Normal People - Internet = Public Town Square. If you won't do it down the local town square, then don't do it on the internet!

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Google hops into bed with Brit red-top: Cooks up 'draw an app' coding compo for kids

Amorous Cowherder
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Facepalm

Re: I'm just amazed...

I love our gutter press, front page screams "STRING UP THE SICK PEADO SCUM!", little advert in the corner of the page, "Phwoar lads! Get an eyeful sweet 16 Debs posing topless!".

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Sir, sir, my cloud ate my homework: Google touts grading tool to teachers

Amorous Cowherder
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Boffin

Oooh, a step too far Google. I don't mind if I willing submit my info to you but when my kids have no choice because the UK gov says it's alright for Google to spy on my kids abilities through their homework? Ooh, to much.

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Stanford boffin is first woman to bag 'math Nobel Prize'

Amorous Cowherder
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Facepalm

She a genius 'cos she's a genius

Why should her gender matter? She obviously got the "gig" because she's the best of the best at what she does. Can't we just appreciate someone achieving something because they worked damn hard for it without bringing their gender or any other non-related matters into it?

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Cracker takes control of 200 rooms in Chinese hotel

Amorous Cowherder
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Happy

The lesson to be learned here...

Don't let techies get bored in hotel rooms 'cos we'll seriously bugger up your, ermm, blinds!

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Google's 'right to be forgotten': One rule for celebs, another for plebs

Amorous Cowherder
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Facepalm

Re: Slebometer

Exactly! Define being famous. Several hundred people follow me and my photographic exploits, tiny in comparison to some z-list pop starlet but am I famous 'cos a few hundred people follow my work? I'm well known and respected within some small groups of people but outside that no bugger will have heard of me! Do I get special dispensation from Google?

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African samba queen: Don't cut off pirates' net connections – cut off their FINGERS

Amorous Cowherder
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Flame

To quote Not the Nine O'Clock News, "CUT THE BALLS OFF! It's the only way! CUT THEM OFF! CUT THEM RIGHT OFF!"

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Pentagon hacker McKinnon reinvents himself as SEO guru

Amorous Cowherder
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Happy

" US authorities claimed his actions had caused $800K in damages, describing his actions as the "biggest military computer hack of all time". "

You reckon they make a Top Trumps Hackers set? My Snowdon card beats your McKinnon card!

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SOULLESS machine-intelligence ROBOT cars to hit Blighty in 2015

Amorous Cowherder
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Science minister Greg Clark added: “Britain is brilliantly placed to lead the world in driverless technology. It combines our strengths in cars, satellites, big data and urban design; with huge potential benefits for future jobs and for the consumer.”

-- Yep, we have lots of CCTV to keep track of the cars and spot those trying to nick or destroy them!

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Facebook: Want to stay in touch? Then it's Messenger or NOTHING

Amorous Cowherder
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Re: The less they care

Well yes, as they get bigger they need more money to run the service "for free". That only comes by way of "the man" sorting out their finances and making sure that every possible opportunity is taken to maximise income, if that means pissing off a few users then so be it, that's business.

Facebook was one of the first to get social networking right, grew at a stellar rate pulled in everyone and their dog and as Google+ found out separating people from their circle of online mates is a nigh on impossible task. Creatures of habit, most of the time we simply shut-up and put up with things that are relatively small parts of our daily lives. The average FB user ( just a few mates and family ) wouldn't dream of trying to waste any time on trying to move to another network, it's not worth the effort. Zuck knows this, which means up to a certain point he can do what the hell he likes with his baby, everyone moans but ultimately puts up with it.

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The END of the FONDLESLAB KINGS? Apple and Samsung have reason to FEAR

Amorous Cowherder
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Had an ASUS TF-101 for the last two and half years and I'm happy with it. Recently rooted it and put KitKat on it, battery life is better than ever and it seems a tad more responsive. It works perfectly for everything I need but when it does finally die I'll be more than happy to buy another ASUS tablet based on my good experiences with this one.

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eBay impulse buyers STAY AWAY: Holy Grail Superman comic book to fetch $2m+

Amorous Cowherder
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Charity donation aside, I bet Fleabay can't wait to get their claws into that lovely 10% commission on the sale of a $2m item!

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June Whitfield and EE to old folk: Would you like a nice cup of tea and some internet, dear?

Amorous Cowherder
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Facepalm

My 75 year old Dad isn't normal!

I thank the heaven's my Dad was always a DIY tech nutter. He was always making daft electronic gadgets when I was growing up in the 70's ( usually burning stains on the kitchen table with his soldering iron, much to the annoyance of my late Mum! ). The minute he got his hands on a micro back in the early 80's there was no stopping him. He's 75 now and I don't get normal parent type calls about unable to work out how to use the DVD player. I get calls from him along the lines of, "I need to extract source data from website ABC.com, get it into CSV and import into another Filemaker database I'm writing, have you got any Java source I can get started with to get it dumped?"! I love him for it!

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Secondhand Point-o-Sale terminal was horrific security midden

Amorous Cowherder
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Bankruptcy stock and dealt with by a load of people who are simply just shifting and lifting old kit to get money back.

The company goes down, the employees might be lucky to get a token pay off but most are just happy to be out of it and off a new job. The old crap in the offices is just dumped on the back of lorries by people who neither know nor care what it is, they're just told to "pile 'em high and sell them off" to get money back to pay the bankruptcy debt back to the bank.

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New Star Wars movie plot details leak, violate common sense and laws of physics

Amorous Cowherder
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Happy

Re: What really matters

Steady there soldier! Fischer's aged well but not THAT well!

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Facebook in new 'experiment' drama: Will users buy it?

Amorous Cowherder
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Best of luck, anyone with any sense already has AdBlock. Actually anyone with any sense has already avoided Facebook!

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NUDE SNAPS AGENCY: NSA bods love 'showing off your saucy selfies'

Amorous Cowherder
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Facepalm

"access to said picts"?

Don't bring the the Scot's into this as well, they have enough to worry about at the moment!

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BT: Whew, we've been cleared of major privacy breach. Oh SNAP, another webmail blunder

Amorous Cowherder
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Facepalm

"...we are satisfied that BT did comply with the Data Protection Act in relation to its BT Mail email platform," an ICO spokesman told El Reg.

Well I wouldn't have expected any less than this from the toothless entity that is the ICO!

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Can it be true? That I hold here, in my mortal hand, a nugget of PUREST ... BLACK?

Amorous Cowherder
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Smell the Glove!

If Spinal Tap don't re-release "Smell the Glove" using this for the cover, I'll be very disappointed!

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New leaked 'Windows 8 screenshot': The Start Menu strikes back

Amorous Cowherder
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Facepalm

The only thing I like about the start menu is that I can quickly find things more easily by looking down groups of folders and lists of apps, that I find easier than the tiled interface where you need a rough idea what you're looking for in order to find it. Apart from that I'm not that bothered but I do wish they'd make up their bloody minds! Either bring it back or don't, all this pissing about like a fart in a cullendar, don't know which hole to go out through!

Stupid thing is, they bring it back now there will be this section of Windows releases where there is no Start Menu available, so we'd move from Windows with, through Windows without and back to Windows with!

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Murdoch calls for ISPs to be liable for users' activities

Amorous Cowherder
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Mushroom

OK, not a problem but....

What about the rest of us?

You greedy media moguls are doing it to protect your goodies from unauthorised copying, fair enough but what about my photos? Will they get the full weight of the law next time some thieving, spotty faced sod has at one of my images, butchers it and tries to pass it off as their own? Will you lot come to my aid? Will you send in SWAT teams to protect my rights and my copyright? Will you f**k! I'll drop an email to the ISP and the website in question and if I'm really, really lucky someone might take the image down but most of the time I'll just get ignored, while someone little bastard gets the glory for my all hard work and I lose out on potential sales. Must be so great to live on those wonderful ivory towers the likes of Murdoch and co live in.

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Europe's highest court: Apple CAN trademark its retail store layout

Amorous Cowherder
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Headmaster

Re: step foot?

Ooh you wicked child!

20 lines on the board, "I WILL NOT RIP THE PISS OUT OF PSYCHOTIC, MURDERING SPORTS CELEBS!"

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Would it be BAD if the Amazon rainforest was all FARMS? Well it WAS, once

Amorous Cowherder
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Re: The rest of the world was heavily forested

Indeed, the highlands of Scotland, known for being sparse and barren these days was once very heavily forested. However I believe it started decline around 1500BC when the climate got wetter and windier, people moved into the area with animals, even the Romans reported from around 30BC there the Caledonian forests were still quite thick.

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Reg reader fires up Pi-powered anti-cat garden sprinkler system

Amorous Cowherder
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Pint

Re: An excellent system

Timers are easy even for an animal to work out, the cat would soon work our when a toilet stop was possible. You need something to take snapshots using a camera, then detect changes from the last to the next image, changes in the image capture stream mean something has moved into or out of the view of the camera. It's the basis of how most home CCTV units work. It takes time to tune home CCTV so it's not going off every few minutes 'cos a tree has moved in the wind or a cat has run through your garden ( stopping for toilet breaks sometimes! ).

You can usually get some OSS that will do the same for any webcam, the clever bit is using it for something wise and wicked like this, a superb adaptation of technology by this gent. I have female cats and we back onto a river, so they go down the river and are not territorial enough to bother going next door for a crap.

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NSA dragnet mostly slurped innocents' traffic

Amorous Cowherder
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Re: mooooooity OMGeeez!!! What a DISASTER!!! We're all DOOOOMED!!! Etc.

MattBryant :- "If you don't like it then get off the Grid and let the rest of us use the bandwidth for something useful."

Such as?

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