* Posts by Ed_UK

151 posts • joined 29 Jun 2012

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Go phish your own staff: Dev builds open-source fool-testing tool

Ed_UK

Re: Oh my fscking gawd/ess ...

"Yes, some corporations are still primarily composed of people. Some bright at certain things, and not so bright at other things"

I think that attitude is part of the problem - calling people "less bright" just because they don't yet know what you know. It's the punchline of several computer-related yarns. Education is needed, not silly name-calling.

I come to this site to learn stuff from the knowledgable contributors, partly to stay safe but also because the topic interests me. We need to help the people who aren't directly interested in "all that computer stuff" but would be seriously inconvenienced by an attack (compromised email, bank etc).

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Philae's phinal phling: Germans made weekend spin-up attempt

Ed_UK

Re: Scheiße! Der... Scheiße! Der... Flywheel

Upvoted for the (cryptic) Marx Brothers reference!

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Lloyds Bank apologises for ClickSafe verification system snafu

Ed_UK

Please accept an upvote for the Graham's number reference. (Although not even Zuck could realistically claim that many users).

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Drunk? Need a slash? Avoid walls in Hackney

Ed_UK

Perpetual Motion?

This product was describe on the BBC site as something which would reflect the stream back onto the perp's feet. BUT - what if the perp is wearing those treated boots? It would bounce back onto the wall, creating an oscillation. Where do I collect my Nobel Prize?

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Mozilla looses Firefox 43, including Windows 64-bit variant

Ed_UK
Headmaster

"Given that nobody seems able to spell the word correctly anymore ..."

While you're at it, "anymore" is not an English word, although Merkins accept it. Here, it should be two separate words. Same goes for other non-words like "everytime" etc.

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Spanish village celebrates Playmobil nativity

Ed_UK

Playmobil vs Lego

http://www.bricktestament.com/the_life_of_jesus/

Years go, I used to read this site at work, until they brought in net-nanny-ware, which blocked it for containing nudity. IT'S LEGO FFS, put together by a non-believer. I recommend the sections on The Law from the Old Testament. Good thing we now have the Geneva Convention which trumps the rule to slaughter your PoWs, keeping the female virgins, natch.

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Cartoon brings proper tech-talk to telly

Ed_UK

Mitchell & Webb

M&W did a few sketches showing what happens when scriptwriters don't bother to consult real experts. E.g. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N7yfLwMds5c (hospital)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=alEWhMXIZUg (space ship)

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Cement company in sacks out for the lads rumpus

Ed_UK

Re: Are you guys for real?

"If you still need someone to spell it out for you, ask your daughter, wife or sister."

If you still need someone to spell it out for you, ask your wife, mistress or girlfriend. Or maybe ask all three.

[Credit: Borat]

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The spy in your pocket: Researchers name data-slurping mobe apps

Ed_UK

"Yet it was only about 7 years ago it was considered completely unacceptable to pass someone's telephone number or email address on without asking their permission first."

I lose patience with the well-intentioned numpties who insist on forwarding jokes and email hoaxes without:

1. Being arsed to edit out the previous sender's details (and probably their distribution list)

2. Thinking to use 'bcc' instead of sending my address to dozens of strangers

3. Bothering to check that the virus warning from a friend's friend's cousin who works at Microsoft is a hoax. Or that Nokia might not actually be rewarding people for doing something useless, like sending emails.

Funny how otherwise-polite people lose all sense of ettiquette when sitting at a computer.

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Time Lords set for three-week battle over leap seconds

Ed_UK

"Why don’t we adjust the length of 1 second by a tadge?"

As Brian said, it's been linked to a specific time-period of an emission by caesium. It's fair to ask why.

I imagine the Time People were looking to link the second to something which fitted several criteria:

1: It has to be really, really close to the earlier value of the second.

2: It has to be reproducible, so that other peeps can have their own accurate seconds

3: It has to be really stable; not drifting or jittering over time.

The caesium emission fits these criteria, but the rotation of the earth cares little for our precise seconds and its period even has small, random fluctuations. So, every now and then, we have the leap second to keep our clocks in agreement with the earth's rotation.

Executive summary: We now have a very accurate second but a rather inaccurate planet.

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'Profoundly stupid' Dubliner's hoax call lost Intel 6,000 hours of production

Ed_UK

Re: Common Sense

"In the US, it would have been 30 years to 250 years in the clink.

I've always wondered how that would work (and what the point of such a conviction is). Do the prisoners turn into zombies after they die which they then keep locked up?"

Only with gentle Jeebus and the invention of Christianity came the threat of torment and torture after the earth had closed over you. (Source: C.Hitchens) A little later, Islam borrowed the idea, e.g

"If you believe in only part of the Scripture, you will suffer in this life and go to hell in the next. 2:85"

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Ed_UK

Re: Wuh?!

"So that explains the F00F bug then."

FOOF - you really don't want that around.

Wiki:

Dioxygen difluoride is a compound of fluorine and oxygen with the molecular formula O2F2. [...]It is an extremely strong oxidant and decomposes into oxygen and fluorine even at −160 °C (113 K) [...] Dioxygen difluoride reacts with nearly every chemical it encounters – even ordinary ice – leading to its onomatopoeic nickname "FOOF"

...

It reacts even with gold.

Great reading for anyone with an interest in chemistry and humour:

http://pipeline.corante.com/archives/2010/02/23/things_i_wont_work_with_dioxygen_difluoride.php

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Sony finds some loose change, flings most of it at lawyers ... the rest at staff hit by 'North Korea'

Ed_UK

Re: All this because

"People bought Vhs rather than the superior Beta"

Sony shafted themselves by refusing to licence the Beta standard to other manufacturers. As mentioned here before, Sony are masters of incompatibilty. The non-standard memory cards for cameras springs to mind. I was suprised to see that Sony actually offered Android 'phones.

It's more than a decade now since Sony's famous rootkit got blown open but we remember.

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Camera-carrying DOLPHIN SPY caught off Gaza

Ed_UK

"Was the dolphin circumcised?"

Tricky - that would probably need four skin-divers.

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Flying Spaghetti Monster spotted off Angolan coast

Ed_UK

A Damn Sight more credible...

...than those 'pictures' of Jeebus and family appearing in bits of toast, dirty laundry, and mouldy walls.

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EE recalls Power Bar phone chargers after explosion burns woman

Ed_UK

Re: Lithium Fire

Lithium fires are for wusses. Go and read about chlorine trifluoride; that's the stuff that sets SAND on fire. Delightful notes at:

http://pipeline.corante.com/archives/2008/02/26/sand_wont_save_you_this_time.php

Excerpt:

<<

The compound [is] also a stronger oxidizing agent than oxygen itself, which also puts it into rare territory. That means that it can potentially go on to “burn” things that you would normally consider already burnt to hell and gone, and a practical consequence of that is that it’ll start roaring reactions with things like bricks and asbestos tile.

>>

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Pirate Bay founders 'cleared of copyright crimes' in Belgium

Ed_UK

Re: You must be new here

"or didn't you know that Lawyers only care about the rate/hour ...

"Y'know, lawyers are like bridge-rectifiers. Whichever way the case goes, money always flows towards the lawyers.

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Buh bye fakers? Amazon tweaks customer product reviews system

Ed_UK

It's a sad day

Amazon (UK) have wiped out all the reviews of the must-have book Penetrating Wagner's Ring (Digaetani). It's at least the second purge they've had, depriving me of of giggles. Fortunately, Amazon.com still has some er- useful reviews of this scholarly subject:

http://www.amazon.com/Penetrating-Wagners-Ring-Anthology-Paperback/dp/0306804379/ref=sr_1_7

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Couple sues estate agent who sold them her mum's snake-infested house

Ed_UK
Happy

Who ya gonna call? St. Patrick!

As St. Paddy said to the snakes as he drove them out of Ireland:

"Are you guys ok in the back there?"

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Sawfish are the VIRGIN MARYS of the SEA thanks to virgin births

Ed_UK

Virgin birth? In good company!

That would be in common with...

Krishna (debated)

Romulus

Dionysus

Glycon

Zoroaster

Attis (born on December 25 of the Virgin Nana)

Horus

Mithras

Qi, the Abandoned One

Lao-tse ( conceived when his mother gazed upon a falling star)

Huitzilopochtli

Quetzalcoatl

Deganawida/Dekanawida

Buddha

...

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Blighty's 12-sided quid to feature schoolboy's posterior

Ed_UK

Re: schoolboy's posterior...

If memory serves, the proper name for the 'rear' of a coin is the "obverse."

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UK call centre linked to ‘millions’ of nuisance robo-calls raided by ICO

Ed_UK

Apparently...

...someone in my household was involved in an accident, within the past three years.

Yes, I said, that's right, my granddad got his bell-end stuck in a washing machine door. The staff in the Curry's showroom were really helpful, though. Goodbye.

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Atomic keyring's eerie blue glow lights SPB lab

Ed_UK

Bragging rights

I treated myself to a Traser watch, some years back. It has 14 of those tiny glass tritium/phosphor tubes on the hour marks and main hands. The 12 o'clock mark has orange phosphor while the others are green.

Forking out eighty-odd squids was a bit of a leap, as all previous my watches had been under a tenner. Still, it really does the business; perfectly findable and readable in those wee hours.

One day, of course, it'll just be a watch.

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How much for a wrist job? A tenner normally, but for this one, over $30k

Ed_UK

Ed's #1 Rule of Marketing

For every vaguely useful invention, there's a marketer who asks "Great, now how can we make this more expensive?"

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Johnson & Johnson snatches your .baby for $3m

Ed_UK

Re: how about...

Too right! J&J are responsible for trying to slather all newborns in their vile, sickly, overpowering perfume.

Babies don't need perfume, and they certainly don't need their little lungs dusted with perfumed talc.

By the way, I don't like J&J.

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Blackpool hotel 'fines' couple £100 for crap TripAdvisor review

Ed_UK

Re: Legal?

Yes, yes, YES!

"also prevents arsehole insurance companies from placing recurring annual charges on your card when you only signed up for one year's insurance "

Just stay away from dishonest weasels like Budget Insurance. They'll promise not to try any of that auto-renewal crap again, don't worry, until eleven months later. Then you get the letter saying they're helping themselves to your money, so you write, email and 'phone them to say don't bloody dare. They acknowledge your request and THEN try to steal your money. With luck, your credit/debit card will have been re-issued by then, with a new number, thwarting them. Then, they'll be after you for an admin fee for messing them around. Avoid Budget!

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Toyota to launch hydrogen (ie, NATURAL GAS) powered fuel cell hybrid

Ed_UK

Re: Dreaming

Alan Brown said:

"Binding it with carbon is even easier because you don't have to "recharge" the metal. There's a lot more hydrogen in a litre of diesel than in a litre of liquid hydrogen."

Brilliant! All we need to do is burn coal to make electricity, use it to electrolyse water, combine the hydrogen with more coal to produce big molecules, say octane. Then use THAT for running the car.

It's no dafter than using hydrogen as a fuel.

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Google pulls Gaza games from Play store

Ed_UK

Re: Religion

"I think you're being a bit naive if you think this or most other wars have anything to do with religion. Stalin was an atheist, to give but one example."

Sigh - not that old canard again. Stalin was a bastard who just happened to be an atheist. He didn't slaughter people in the name of atheism.

While there have been many wars over territory and supremacy, there has been an unhealthy proportion of wars where religious motivation has been at or close to the surface.

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'We screwed up' sighs Sony bigwig after gaming portals collapse in DNS cock-up riddle

Ed_UK

Re: Typical twitters

"There are only two things the internet is good for. [...]

And poor grammer ..."

I see what you did there.

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Come off it, Moon, Earth. We KNOW you're 60 million years OLDER than we thought

Ed_UK
Boffin

Re: Xenon has 38 ISOTOPES ! ! !

"To assume the vast number of variables that effect decay rate to be constant over time is ABSURD."

Ok, bring it on. What effects do you know that effect decay time? Last I heard, there was nothing known that affected the decay rate of a particular isotope, apart from the most extreme nucleus-impacting environments.

The constancy of radioactive decay is what enables us to date materials. Cross-referencing using different daughter isotopes gives good agreement for (say) the age of the Earth. Would you suggest that some force has affected all the different isotopes in some cunning way so that they still give the same result?

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Want to see at night? Here comes the infrared CONTACT LENS

Ed_UK
Boffin

Re: More realistic...

"a lot of sensors and cameras have more than sufficient sensitivity in near IR"

As DougS also pointed out, this is a useful trick to see if your remote control is working; just pick up that mobile.

Because of the sonsor's intrinsic sensitivity to IR, cameras, webcams, 'phones have IR-rejecting filters. Without the filters, the contrast and relative brightness of objects in the captured image would be messed up. There are some pages on the web showing how to remove the filters and have some IR fun.

BTW - the longer-wavelength IR will have a different focussing point to visible light and the lens won't be optimised for it. It's still on my 'to do' list. Readers old enough to remember 'proper' cameras may have noticed the additional focusing mark for use with IR film.

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Dear Reg: What is a 'Lag' and a 'Jacksey'?

Ed_UK
Thumb Up

"Mobes up jacksies"

Ed's comments:

1. Boy, are you holding it wrong(ly)

2. Maybe the 6-inch monster phone wasn't such a good choice.

3. Gives a new meaning to 'ringtone.'

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Blinking good: LG launches smart light bulb for Android/iOS

Ed_UK
Thumb Up

Re: Blinking

"Mate of mine used to work with a near-totally-deaf woman who had a hearing dog. When her phone rang the dog would bark."

An old story...

It's common practice to ring a telephone by signaling extra

voltage across one side of the two wire circuit and ground. When the

subscriber answers the phone, it switches to the two wire circuit for

the conversation. This method allows two parties on the same line to be

signaled without disturbing each other.

Anyway, an elderly lady with several pets called to say that her

telephone failed to ring when her friends called, and that on the few

occasions when it did ring her dog always barked first. The telephone

repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog.

He climbed a nearby telephone pole, hooked in his test set, and dialed

her house. The phone didn't ring. He tried again. The dog barked loudly,

followed by a ringing telephone. Climbing down from the pole, the

telephone repairman found:

1. A dog was tied to the telephone system's ground post via an iron

chain and collar.

2. The dog was receiving 90 volts of ring signal.

3. After several such jolts, the dog would start barking and urinating

on the ground.

4. The wet ground now completed the circuit and the phone would ring.

Which shows you that some problems in life can be fixed by just pissing

on them...

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Keep your quinoa, hipsters: Boffins back healthy slabs of choc

Ed_UK

Re: re: What chocolate

"Lindt Excellence 99%"

I'm always looking for the better (80+%) dark choc so I was amazed to find this in a French supermarket. I bought some out of curiosity. It was like eating cocoa powder in solid form; there was certainly nothing sweet about it. Not sure I actually liked it.

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LG offers BRAIN-SAVING CANCER-BL... er 'good luck charms'

Ed_UK

Don't we have laws against this?

While it is not yet a criminal offence to be "a few loops short of a Slinky" or just not suitably informed, it is illegal to use deception to relieve such peeps of their money. It's like the fake bomb detectors or other snake oil.

There's a sports-gear shop in Swindon, probably one of a chain, which sells "hologram bracelets" which claim to improve your balance and perform other miracles. I pointed out to a nearby member of staff that this was fraudulent, but I was 'reassured' that they were very popular. So that's all right then.

I have groaned when friends (actually, all female) told me that they'd bought "powerful" crystals for absorbing harmful energy. One friend actually sells this shite to other people, making it awkward to take her seriously.

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Cable thieves hang up on BT, cause MAJOR outage

Ed_UK

Other Darwin Winners and Runners-up

http://www.pol-primett.org/three-jailed-attempted-metal-theft-electricity-substation

" Martin Gavin, aged 47, of Hope Hey Lane, Little Hulton suffered an electric shock of 11,000 volts which left his life hanging in the balance."

http://www.pol-primett.org/tragedy-strikes-man-dies-during-copper-theft-attempt

" A 33 year old man lost his life after attempting to steal copper cabling from an electric substation in Urago d’Oglio, near Brescia in Italy."

http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/man-critical-with-horrific-burns-after-277739

" A MAN was in a critical condition last night after suffering horrific burns in a suspected attempt to steal copper from an electricity substation.

The unnamed victim, thought to be in his early 20s, staggered into hospital with 60 per cent burns..."

http://calgary.ctvnews.ca/man-electrocuted-during-attempted-theft-of-metal-from-substation-1.1562617

" A man who tried to force his way into an ENMAX power station in southeast Calgary was found dead by emergency crews on Thursday morning."

http://www.yorkshirepost.co.uk/news/main-topics/general-news/leeds-boy-16-killed-by-275-000-volts-at-electric-substation-1-3544431

" A BOY of 16 was killed by a 275,000 volt cable at an electricity substation in Leeds at the weekend.

Officials blamed the incident on an attempt to steal cable."

http://www.theguardian.com/uk/2011/nov/12/man-burns-suspected-metal-theft

" A man is fighting for his life in hospital with severe burns believed to have been sustained as thieves allegedly tried to steal metal from an electricity substation."

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2000705/Dont-steal-electric-cables-Thiefs-advice-suffering-horrific-burns-22-000-volt-shock.html

"James Sorby, 22, was burnt so badly that his daughter was unable to recognise him. He had been trying take cabling from an electricity sub-station in a disused Post Office sorting room in Leeds, West Yorks." ** Nice picture of said moron **

Ed's note: A lot of crap journalism out there; "electrocuted" means _killed_ by electricity, not just hurt. If they're still breathing then they're not electrocuted, and no Darwin Award. Sorry.

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Muslim clerics issue fatwa banning the devout from Mars One 'suicide' mission

Ed_UK

"...makes people wanting to except or not except."

Unable to parse. Did you mean "accept"?

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Google gives Maps a lick of paint, smears it over screens worldwide

Ed_UK

Re: As usual

"Ever moved from a car with the indicators on one side of the wheel to the other? How hard was it to avoid turning the wipers on instead of indicating? How hard to avoid flashing your headlights when you intended to wash your windscreen?"

I'll disagree here, although not enough to downvote you. In my 30+ years of owning cars, there's always been a dedicated control for each function. Until, that is, I got a recent-ish Audi, with its wanky MMI (Multi-media interface). In their attempt to minimise the number of controls, there is now a multi-function knob, a display panel and a number of soft-keys. Digging though menus to access various functions is all fine while sitting at a stationary desk, but trying to do that while driving is really dangerous; it takes far too much concentration.

So, I get get sick to the tits of having my music constantly interrupted by traffic bulletins, but it is now too much of a distraction to my driving to turn it off. Also, I'd probably forget to turn it back on and end up in a six-day holdup on the M4.

On the previous cars, it would have been a single button-press; quick convenient and safe.

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London's King of Clamps shuts down numberplate camera site

Ed_UK

Re: The small ironies of life.

"... gives them the right to park the 4x4 wherever they want..."

May I propose a solution? Make it illegal to enable power-steering on any vehicle UNLESS it is in the posession of a bona fide farmer. That might just dissuade the mummies from deploying their tanks for the school run.

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El Reg BuzzFelch: 10 Electrical Connectors You CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT!

Ed_UK

Re: "BuzzFelch"? WTF?

"Three words: "The Day Today" (or if a Radio 4 purist, "On The Hour")."

Excellent choice, Sir. If I may contribute "The thin twig of peace has been stretched to breaking point."

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UK smut filter may have sent game patch to sin-bin

Ed_UK

No Flange Either

I had to change a coolant flange(*) on my previous car. I was asked to give a brief write-up on a car-related web-site. However, their anti-profanity filter removed the F-word, replacing it with ******. Nice work, guys!

(*) It's a part of the coolant system which connects the end of a hose to a hole on the side of the engine.

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Our Milky Way galaxy is INSIDE OUT. Just as we suspected, mutter boffins

Ed_UK

Re: Not had Hersheys, then?

"Or Cadburys Dairy Milk made in Australia?"

Yay - it's not just me then. I tried it on a visit to Oz in the 1990s. Familiar wrapper but it was like trying to each a choc-flavoured ceramic tile. We speculated that maybe Cadbury's modified the recipe to tolerate the higher temperatures than Blighty's. However, I think I once saw a FAQ section on their website which said that they didn't tweak their recipes. Maybe I've just forgotten.

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KCOM-owned Eclipse FAILS to cover up the password 'password'

Ed_UK

Re: They really aren't getting it, are they?

"It's known as the Dunning-Kruger effect - where people are too stupid to realize their own incompetence."

Well-explained by Ben Goldacre in his book Bad Science. Very amusing.

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Haribo gummy bears implicated in 'gastric exorcism'

Ed_UK

Re: Drama queens

" Initially the policy was to remove joke reviews, but Amazon eventually cottoned on that the good ones drove more traffic to the site"

May I recommend: "Penetrating Wagner's Ring"

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Penetrating-Wagners-Ring-Capo-Paperback/dp/0306804379/

Many of the best reviews did get purged some time ago, but it's good to see them re-emerging.

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Even 'Your computer has a virus' cold-call gits are migrating off XP

Ed_UK

"I've always thought it would be amusing to get hold of one of the flow charts"

Counterscript is what you want:

http://egbg.home.xs4all.nl/counterscript.html

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Classy Oregon diners tipped waitress with 'crystal meth' – cops

Ed_UK

Re: Happened to me 15 years ago

"...the waiter asked if we wanted "some more cocaine""

"I'm fine for cake, Mrs. Doyle."

"Are you sure, Father, there's cocaine in it."

"There's WHAT?"

"Oh, no... not cocaine...what am I on about? No, I meant... what do you call them...raisins."

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WhatsApp? Spaniards wasapean their autofotos

Ed_UK

the slang known as Lunfardo was in use in Buenos Aires (Arg) and Uruguay a hundred years ago. Some words were incorporated into tango lyrics, affording them some immortality, even if they never entered common usage.

Not surprisingly, given its underworld origins, the Lunfardo vocbulary seems to have a disproportionately large number or words relating to criminal activity, (theft, knives, killing, prostitution) women, sex and sexual organs.

Why is this relevant? New words enter our languages all the time but it seems to reach a significant point when it acquires its own name. Perhaps, those looking back in a hundred years' time will have a new name to refer to the rapid influx of new words for our age.

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Mexico

Ed_UK

Mexico

Listening to a serious prog on BBC Radio 4 about the Mexican economy, I had a PMSL moment when the Mexican gentleman being interviewed referred to BILLIONS of dollars. It's all The Reg's fault, with their SEEEELY headlines!

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CryptoLocker creeps lure victims with fake Adobe, Microsoft activation codes

Ed_UK

I look forward to reading of the arrest of these crooks

and what happened to their testicles.

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