* Posts by Ed_UK

134 posts • joined 29 Jun 2012

Page:

Buh bye fakers? Amazon tweaks customer product reviews system

Ed_UK

It's a sad day

Amazon (UK) have wiped out all the reviews of the must-have book Penetrating Wagner's Ring (Digaetani). It's at least the second purge they've had, depriving me of of giggles. Fortunately, Amazon.com still has some er- useful reviews of this scholarly subject:

http://www.amazon.com/Penetrating-Wagners-Ring-Anthology-Paperback/dp/0306804379/ref=sr_1_7

1
0

Couple sues estate agent who sold them her mum's snake-infested house

Ed_UK
Happy

Who ya gonna call? St. Patrick!

As St. Paddy said to the snakes as he drove them out of Ireland:

"Are you guys ok in the back there?"

2
0

Sawfish are the VIRGIN MARYS of the SEA thanks to virgin births

Ed_UK

Virgin birth? In good company!

That would be in common with...

Krishna (debated)

Romulus

Dionysus

Glycon

Zoroaster

Attis (born on December 25 of the Virgin Nana)

Horus

Mithras

Qi, the Abandoned One

Lao-tse ( conceived when his mother gazed upon a falling star)

Huitzilopochtli

Quetzalcoatl

Deganawida/Dekanawida

Buddha

...

1
0

Blighty's 12-sided quid to feature schoolboy's posterior

Ed_UK

Re: schoolboy's posterior...

If memory serves, the proper name for the 'rear' of a coin is the "obverse."

0
1

UK call centre linked to ‘millions’ of nuisance robo-calls raided by ICO

Ed_UK

Apparently...

...someone in my household was involved in an accident, within the past three years.

Yes, I said, that's right, my granddad got his bell-end stuck in a washing machine door. The staff in the Curry's showroom were really helpful, though. Goodbye.

1
0

Atomic keyring's eerie blue glow lights SPB lab

Ed_UK

Bragging rights

I treated myself to a Traser watch, some years back. It has 14 of those tiny glass tritium/phosphor tubes on the hour marks and main hands. The 12 o'clock mark has orange phosphor while the others are green.

Forking out eighty-odd squids was a bit of a leap, as all previous my watches had been under a tenner. Still, it really does the business; perfectly findable and readable in those wee hours.

One day, of course, it'll just be a watch.

0
0

How much for a wrist job? A tenner normally, but for this one, over $30k

Ed_UK

Ed's #1 Rule of Marketing

For every vaguely useful invention, there's a marketer who asks "Great, now how can we make this more expensive?"

0
0

Johnson & Johnson snatches your .baby for $3m

Ed_UK

Re: how about...

Too right! J&J are responsible for trying to slather all newborns in their vile, sickly, overpowering perfume.

Babies don't need perfume, and they certainly don't need their little lungs dusted with perfumed talc.

By the way, I don't like J&J.

1
0

Blackpool hotel 'fines' couple £100 for crap TripAdvisor review

Ed_UK

Re: Legal?

Yes, yes, YES!

"also prevents arsehole insurance companies from placing recurring annual charges on your card when you only signed up for one year's insurance "

Just stay away from dishonest weasels like Budget Insurance. They'll promise not to try any of that auto-renewal crap again, don't worry, until eleven months later. Then you get the letter saying they're helping themselves to your money, so you write, email and 'phone them to say don't bloody dare. They acknowledge your request and THEN try to steal your money. With luck, your credit/debit card will have been re-issued by then, with a new number, thwarting them. Then, they'll be after you for an admin fee for messing them around. Avoid Budget!

0
0

Toyota to launch hydrogen (ie, NATURAL GAS) powered fuel cell hybrid

Ed_UK

Re: Dreaming

Alan Brown said:

"Binding it with carbon is even easier because you don't have to "recharge" the metal. There's a lot more hydrogen in a litre of diesel than in a litre of liquid hydrogen."

Brilliant! All we need to do is burn coal to make electricity, use it to electrolyse water, combine the hydrogen with more coal to produce big molecules, say octane. Then use THAT for running the car.

It's no dafter than using hydrogen as a fuel.

0
0

Google pulls Gaza games from Play store

Ed_UK

Re: Religion

"I think you're being a bit naive if you think this or most other wars have anything to do with religion. Stalin was an atheist, to give but one example."

Sigh - not that old canard again. Stalin was a bastard who just happened to be an atheist. He didn't slaughter people in the name of atheism.

While there have been many wars over territory and supremacy, there has been an unhealthy proportion of wars where religious motivation has been at or close to the surface.

2
0

'We screwed up' sighs Sony bigwig after gaming portals collapse in DNS cock-up riddle

Ed_UK

Re: Typical twitters

"There are only two things the internet is good for. [...]

And poor grammer ..."

I see what you did there.

1
0

Come off it, Moon, Earth. We KNOW you're 60 million years OLDER than we thought

Ed_UK
Boffin

Re: Xenon has 38 ISOTOPES ! ! !

"To assume the vast number of variables that effect decay rate to be constant over time is ABSURD."

Ok, bring it on. What effects do you know that effect decay time? Last I heard, there was nothing known that affected the decay rate of a particular isotope, apart from the most extreme nucleus-impacting environments.

The constancy of radioactive decay is what enables us to date materials. Cross-referencing using different daughter isotopes gives good agreement for (say) the age of the Earth. Would you suggest that some force has affected all the different isotopes in some cunning way so that they still give the same result?

6
1

Want to see at night? Here comes the infrared CONTACT LENS

Ed_UK
Boffin

Re: More realistic...

"a lot of sensors and cameras have more than sufficient sensitivity in near IR"

As DougS also pointed out, this is a useful trick to see if your remote control is working; just pick up that mobile.

Because of the sonsor's intrinsic sensitivity to IR, cameras, webcams, 'phones have IR-rejecting filters. Without the filters, the contrast and relative brightness of objects in the captured image would be messed up. There are some pages on the web showing how to remove the filters and have some IR fun.

BTW - the longer-wavelength IR will have a different focussing point to visible light and the lens won't be optimised for it. It's still on my 'to do' list. Readers old enough to remember 'proper' cameras may have noticed the additional focusing mark for use with IR film.

3
0

Dear Reg: What is a 'Lag' and a 'Jacksey'?

Ed_UK
Thumb Up

"Mobes up jacksies"

Ed's comments:

1. Boy, are you holding it wrong(ly)

2. Maybe the 6-inch monster phone wasn't such a good choice.

3. Gives a new meaning to 'ringtone.'

0
0

Blinking good: LG launches smart light bulb for Android/iOS

Ed_UK
Thumb Up

Re: Blinking

"Mate of mine used to work with a near-totally-deaf woman who had a hearing dog. When her phone rang the dog would bark."

An old story...

It's common practice to ring a telephone by signaling extra

voltage across one side of the two wire circuit and ground. When the

subscriber answers the phone, it switches to the two wire circuit for

the conversation. This method allows two parties on the same line to be

signaled without disturbing each other.

Anyway, an elderly lady with several pets called to say that her

telephone failed to ring when her friends called, and that on the few

occasions when it did ring her dog always barked first. The telephone

repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog.

He climbed a nearby telephone pole, hooked in his test set, and dialed

her house. The phone didn't ring. He tried again. The dog barked loudly,

followed by a ringing telephone. Climbing down from the pole, the

telephone repairman found:

1. A dog was tied to the telephone system's ground post via an iron

chain and collar.

2. The dog was receiving 90 volts of ring signal.

3. After several such jolts, the dog would start barking and urinating

on the ground.

4. The wet ground now completed the circuit and the phone would ring.

Which shows you that some problems in life can be fixed by just pissing

on them...

1
0

Keep your quinoa, hipsters: Boffins back healthy slabs of choc

Ed_UK

Re: re: What chocolate

"Lindt Excellence 99%"

I'm always looking for the better (80+%) dark choc so I was amazed to find this in a French supermarket. I bought some out of curiosity. It was like eating cocoa powder in solid form; there was certainly nothing sweet about it. Not sure I actually liked it.

1
0

LG offers BRAIN-SAVING CANCER-BL... er 'good luck charms'

Ed_UK

Don't we have laws against this?

While it is not yet a criminal offence to be "a few loops short of a Slinky" or just not suitably informed, it is illegal to use deception to relieve such peeps of their money. It's like the fake bomb detectors or other snake oil.

There's a sports-gear shop in Swindon, probably one of a chain, which sells "hologram bracelets" which claim to improve your balance and perform other miracles. I pointed out to a nearby member of staff that this was fraudulent, but I was 'reassured' that they were very popular. So that's all right then.

I have groaned when friends (actually, all female) told me that they'd bought "powerful" crystals for absorbing harmful energy. One friend actually sells this shite to other people, making it awkward to take her seriously.

0
0

Cable thieves hang up on BT, cause MAJOR outage

Ed_UK

Other Darwin Winners and Runners-up

http://www.pol-primett.org/three-jailed-attempted-metal-theft-electricity-substation

" Martin Gavin, aged 47, of Hope Hey Lane, Little Hulton suffered an electric shock of 11,000 volts which left his life hanging in the balance."

http://www.pol-primett.org/tragedy-strikes-man-dies-during-copper-theft-attempt

" A 33 year old man lost his life after attempting to steal copper cabling from an electric substation in Urago d’Oglio, near Brescia in Italy."

http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/man-critical-with-horrific-burns-after-277739

" A MAN was in a critical condition last night after suffering horrific burns in a suspected attempt to steal copper from an electricity substation.

The unnamed victim, thought to be in his early 20s, staggered into hospital with 60 per cent burns..."

http://calgary.ctvnews.ca/man-electrocuted-during-attempted-theft-of-metal-from-substation-1.1562617

" A man who tried to force his way into an ENMAX power station in southeast Calgary was found dead by emergency crews on Thursday morning."

http://www.yorkshirepost.co.uk/news/main-topics/general-news/leeds-boy-16-killed-by-275-000-volts-at-electric-substation-1-3544431

" A BOY of 16 was killed by a 275,000 volt cable at an electricity substation in Leeds at the weekend.

Officials blamed the incident on an attempt to steal cable."

http://www.theguardian.com/uk/2011/nov/12/man-burns-suspected-metal-theft

" A man is fighting for his life in hospital with severe burns believed to have been sustained as thieves allegedly tried to steal metal from an electricity substation."

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2000705/Dont-steal-electric-cables-Thiefs-advice-suffering-horrific-burns-22-000-volt-shock.html

"James Sorby, 22, was burnt so badly that his daughter was unable to recognise him. He had been trying take cabling from an electricity sub-station in a disused Post Office sorting room in Leeds, West Yorks." ** Nice picture of said moron **

Ed's note: A lot of crap journalism out there; "electrocuted" means _killed_ by electricity, not just hurt. If they're still breathing then they're not electrocuted, and no Darwin Award. Sorry.

0
0

Muslim clerics issue fatwa banning the devout from Mars One 'suicide' mission

Ed_UK

"...makes people wanting to except or not except."

Unable to parse. Did you mean "accept"?

0
0

Google gives Maps a lick of paint, smears it over screens worldwide

Ed_UK

Re: As usual

"Ever moved from a car with the indicators on one side of the wheel to the other? How hard was it to avoid turning the wipers on instead of indicating? How hard to avoid flashing your headlights when you intended to wash your windscreen?"

I'll disagree here, although not enough to downvote you. In my 30+ years of owning cars, there's always been a dedicated control for each function. Until, that is, I got a recent-ish Audi, with its wanky MMI (Multi-media interface). In their attempt to minimise the number of controls, there is now a multi-function knob, a display panel and a number of soft-keys. Digging though menus to access various functions is all fine while sitting at a stationary desk, but trying to do that while driving is really dangerous; it takes far too much concentration.

So, I get get sick to the tits of having my music constantly interrupted by traffic bulletins, but it is now too much of a distraction to my driving to turn it off. Also, I'd probably forget to turn it back on and end up in a six-day holdup on the M4.

On the previous cars, it would have been a single button-press; quick convenient and safe.

2
0

London's King of Clamps shuts down numberplate camera site

Ed_UK

Re: The small ironies of life.

"... gives them the right to park the 4x4 wherever they want..."

May I propose a solution? Make it illegal to enable power-steering on any vehicle UNLESS it is in the posession of a bona fide farmer. That might just dissuade the mummies from deploying their tanks for the school run.

2
0

El Reg BuzzFelch: 10 Electrical Connectors You CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT!

Ed_UK

Re: "BuzzFelch"? WTF?

"Three words: "The Day Today" (or if a Radio 4 purist, "On The Hour")."

Excellent choice, Sir. If I may contribute "The thin twig of peace has been stretched to breaking point."

0
0

UK smut filter may have sent game patch to sin-bin

Ed_UK

No Flange Either

I had to change a coolant flange(*) on my previous car. I was asked to give a brief write-up on a car-related web-site. However, their anti-profanity filter removed the F-word, replacing it with ******. Nice work, guys!

(*) It's a part of the coolant system which connects the end of a hose to a hole on the side of the engine.

0
0

Our Milky Way galaxy is INSIDE OUT. Just as we suspected, mutter boffins

Ed_UK

Re: Not had Hersheys, then?

"Or Cadburys Dairy Milk made in Australia?"

Yay - it's not just me then. I tried it on a visit to Oz in the 1990s. Familiar wrapper but it was like trying to each a choc-flavoured ceramic tile. We speculated that maybe Cadbury's modified the recipe to tolerate the higher temperatures than Blighty's. However, I think I once saw a FAQ section on their website which said that they didn't tweak their recipes. Maybe I've just forgotten.

0
0

KCOM-owned Eclipse FAILS to cover up the password 'password'

Ed_UK

Re: They really aren't getting it, are they?

"It's known as the Dunning-Kruger effect - where people are too stupid to realize their own incompetence."

Well-explained by Ben Goldacre in his book Bad Science. Very amusing.

0
0

Haribo gummy bears implicated in 'gastric exorcism'

Ed_UK

Re: Drama queens

" Initially the policy was to remove joke reviews, but Amazon eventually cottoned on that the good ones drove more traffic to the site"

May I recommend: "Penetrating Wagner's Ring"

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Penetrating-Wagners-Ring-Capo-Paperback/dp/0306804379/

Many of the best reviews did get purged some time ago, but it's good to see them re-emerging.

1
0

Even 'Your computer has a virus' cold-call gits are migrating off XP

Ed_UK

"I've always thought it would be amusing to get hold of one of the flow charts"

Counterscript is what you want:

http://egbg.home.xs4all.nl/counterscript.html

0
0

Classy Oregon diners tipped waitress with 'crystal meth' – cops

Ed_UK

Re: Happened to me 15 years ago

"...the waiter asked if we wanted "some more cocaine""

"I'm fine for cake, Mrs. Doyle."

"Are you sure, Father, there's cocaine in it."

"There's WHAT?"

"Oh, no... not cocaine...what am I on about? No, I meant... what do you call them...raisins."

1
0

WhatsApp? Spaniards wasapean their autofotos

Ed_UK

the slang known as Lunfardo was in use in Buenos Aires (Arg) and Uruguay a hundred years ago. Some words were incorporated into tango lyrics, affording them some immortality, even if they never entered common usage.

Not surprisingly, given its underworld origins, the Lunfardo vocbulary seems to have a disproportionately large number or words relating to criminal activity, (theft, knives, killing, prostitution) women, sex and sexual organs.

Why is this relevant? New words enter our languages all the time but it seems to reach a significant point when it acquires its own name. Perhaps, those looking back in a hundred years' time will have a new name to refer to the rapid influx of new words for our age.

0
0

Mexico

Ed_UK

Mexico

Listening to a serious prog on BBC Radio 4 about the Mexican economy, I had a PMSL moment when the Mexican gentleman being interviewed referred to BILLIONS of dollars. It's all The Reg's fault, with their SEEEELY headlines!

0
0

CryptoLocker creeps lure victims with fake Adobe, Microsoft activation codes

Ed_UK

I look forward to reading of the arrest of these crooks

and what happened to their testicles.

0
0

Harvard kid, 20, emailed uni bomb threat via Tor to avoid final exam, says FBI

Ed_UK

In the same league as...

the bell-end who was in my year at school and wanted to avoid taking an exam. He was on of the "hard" guys and had the bright idea of finding someone to break his writing hand for him. He didn't get any takers and so did it himself, apparently with a brick. I saw him later with bandaged fingers. He didn't do the exam and most probably didn't go to uni (no surprise there).

0
0

Big goolies-grabbing black snake nips unlucky bloke's trouser snake

Ed_UK

Willy Sue?

That is all.

1
0

Cops cuff 4 in £1m banking fraud malware case

Ed_UK

Dunno about you, but I LOVE to read about criminal scum getting caught. It's like porn to me.

One the one side, there are decent, hard-working folk, like the readership here. At the other side, there are the parasitic scum who have no compunctions about stealing from others, as a cushy alternative to working. They are filth and I hope they have a rotten time in the Queen's Hotel and lose all their stuff.

BTW - I use Thunderbird for email, so I'm used to seeing the real URL in the phishing spams. I was shocked to see that my colleagues using the standard corporate-issued MS Outlook can't actually see the URL.

0
0

Teary-eyed snappers recall the golden age of film

Ed_UK

Re: to be a good photographer you must understand your equipment

"I have trouble producing reasionable pictures without a viewfinder or manual settings."

Glad it's not just me that dislikes cameras with no VF. Then again, I'm still using my old OM1 and Canon EOS-50.

0
0

Malware+pr0n surge follows police op to kill illicit streaming sites

Ed_UK

"sites with explicit adult content"

What - you mean car insurance, mortagages and gardening?

Fecking euphemisms!

2
0

OHM MY GOD! Move over graphene, here comes '100% PERFECT' stanene

Ed_UK
Boffin

Re: -ene

"The suffix "-ene" indicates that each C atom is covalently bonded to three others (instead of the maximum of four), a situation that classically would correspond to the existence of bonds involving two pairs of electrons ("double bonds")."

If memory serves, (A-level chem, late 1970s) in compounds containing carbon rings, each C atom has bonds to three others, but the fourth bonding electron is "de-localised." This enables it to move fairly freely over the surface of the rings, so it can conduct electricity. Graphite is the usual example.

Disclaimers: I may have mis-remembered. The picture may have been simplified. Knowledge in the field may have progressed to the point where the above is no longer accurate.

p.s. I don't know if the delightfully-named ring molecule Arsole is conductive, but I don't care.

0
0

Solar vendors GOUGE non-US customers

Ed_UK

Re: Another category where prices are "interesting"

"BG is the most extreme over-charger"

Yup. I let BG quote for my new boiler, just for entertainment purposes. Not suprisingly, they wanted 5k where other quotes came in at around 2-3k. I feel sorry for the people who are taken in by them.

Oh and I hate those vile caricatures on their ads and web-site; those freaky people with huge heads and tiny bodies. Big turn-off. It givesme extra pleasure in waking my wood burner, getting the place all toasty FOR FREE.

0
0

SILENCE of the OWLS may mean real-life 'Whisper Mode' for Black Helicopters

Ed_UK

Re: In other words...

"Yup, just like people knew a long time ago. Observations like this were made at least ten years ago, if not 20 years ago."

Yes! I recall having some "Anklebiter's Book of Science" maybe 30- 40 years ago, with a section called "Nature Beat Man to it" (or similar). It showed how the feathers on the trailing edge of owls' wings had gaps between them. The text explained that this broke up the airflow and reduced the noise. Similar methods were used on the arse-end of jet engines to make them quieter (paraphrasing a little).

Maybe there is something new here, possibly in the mention of the softer materials and porosity.

1
0

Tesla battery fire pushes beleaguered firm's share price even lower

Ed_UK
Joke

Did you hear the one about...

This Tesla owner drives into a bar.

The barman says "Your car's on fire."

How we laughed.

"Model S battery combusted after the car ran over a tow bar,"

1
0

SCIENCE and RELIGION AGREE! LIFE and Man ARE from CLAY

Ed_UK
Thumb Up

Re: SCIENCE and RELIGION AGREE! LIFE and mankind ARE from CLAY

Of course God made us from clay; the 3D printer hadn't been invented, otherwise he'd have used one.

0
0

BETHLEHEM-grade SUPERNOVA possible 'within 50 years'

Ed_UK

Re: No three & no kings & no anything

"Yes, there was a survey that obliged people to travel."

No, they even made up that bit too, to make the story fit with Old Testament predictions. The census was a myth.

Source: The Fabrication of Jesus Christ - Christopher Hitchens

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QQw9sNmNEeA

0
0

Samsung GROVELS ABJECTLY to Chinese state media

Ed_UK

Re: Now tell me

"Right now, those MBAs are probably feverishly looking for ways to bend over even further."

Yup, right up to the point where their own jobs get outsourced to China. Then, it's not quite so funny.

0
0

US Veep's wireless heart implant disabled to stop TERRORIST HACKERS

Ed_UK

Re: What is the alternative?

"Having an actual plug-and-socket means breaking the skin barrier, which carries a much greater risk of infection."

May I humbly suggest xkcd?

http://xkcd.com/644/

" that could be very bad." - Makes me think you just might be an xkcd reader already.

0
0

Whodathunkit? Media barons slit own throats in anti-freetard crackdowns

Ed_UK

Re: Big Media. Make the price reasonable and the collection process fast and people pay.

"Yes I know you make most of the money on the popcorn, but think."

Boy, am I in trouble? Just last night, I made a ton of popcorn, which was a direct copy of Genuine Overpriced Cinema Popcorm (TM). My offspring were unknowingly nomming PIRATED POPCORN, stealing money straight out of the mouths of the cinema industry, er- literally.

I await the knock on my door and the prospect of a cold winter after having my gas cut off (because that was used for the copying).

2
0

Web Daddy Berners-Lee DRMs HTML5 into 2016

Ed_UK

Re: Final point is MUCH more impotent!

"Awesome spell check of the day!"

Hmm, I also stared at that line, but couldn't work it out. Maybe the DRM code comes on a floppy?

Bit of a limp suggestion, I know.

0
0

Atomic clocks come to your wrist

Ed_UK

Re: 'Cersium' eh?

"What's wrong with Caesium?"

...

"Come on Reg, your a British site"

Irony alert! (Yes, I'd always spell it with -ae-)

0
0

Blighty's great digital radio switchover targets missed AGAIN

Ed_UK
Boffin

re: Power usage

@Timbo

"A simple cat's whisker can pick up (analogue) FM signals hence why battery drain on a portable FM radio is pretty low....whereas a multiplexed digital signal needs to be "processed" in order to extract the radio signal of the station you want to hear - hence why the battery drain on a portable DAB set will be much higher."

No. I don't know if this comes out of the Daily Mail Radio Design Handbook, but it is cobblers.

A 'cat's whisker' makes a simple diode detector, which extracts the _envelope_ or amplitude of the signal. For an AM broadcast, this is a simple way of recovering the audio.

In FM, the signal's amplitude carries no information at all. A diode detector will give you nothing, nada, zip (*). In fact, an FM receiver will have some stages which intentionally limit the signal amplitude, keeping it perfectly flat.

The need for digital processing is real enough, though; you need to pull out the right bit stream, before turning it back into audio.

(*) Ok, if you manage to detune to one side of the signal, you may manage some crude slope-detection, using the edge of your filter's passband.

<...>

"the majority of radio's only have a single speaker"

...and you can have your apostrophe back and all.

3
0

Page:

Forums