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* Posts by i like crisps

326 posts • joined 14 Jun 2012

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Han Solo headed for lengthy stay in bacta tank after Bay Door Control cockup

i like crisps
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Alien

Script-Edit

Obi-Wan: "is it a fast ship?"

Han Solo: "Fast ship!...you mean you've never heard of the Millenium Falcon?"

Obi-Wan: "Yes i have....i've heard its a fuckin death trap!...and that it made the Kessel Run in less than 12 Parsecs".

Han Solo: "Erm"......

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i like crisps
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Trollface

"Lights, camera"...."ACTION"....."ARRRRGGG, my f**king toe"

It is funny though.

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i like crisps
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Alien

Re: NEVER MIND HAN SOLO, WHAT ABOUT LUKE SKYWALKERS HEAD!!!

No...sorry lads i'm just not convinced...even my mam said at the time (1980) that it was a different bloke playing him.

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i like crisps
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Alien

Re: They managed to finish Gladiator after Oliver Reed died

If they can Matte Olly Reads head on to a double then maybe they could matte Star Wars Episode 4, 'A New Hope' on to Star Wars Episode 7's final cut, thus ensuring total sucess at the box office?

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Alien

NEVER MIND HAN SOLO, WHAT ABOUT LUKE SKYWALKERS HEAD!!!

What the flip happened inbetween Star Wars (Ep4) and Empire (Ep5)? I sware to god that Mark Hamill was the recipient of the world first face transplant....its two different blokes, surely?

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NASA scrubs FLYING SAUCER over Hawaii ballocket mission

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Facepalm

From your photo.

It seems that the saucer is being maintained by a brace of "Fishmongers'!

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CIA rendition jet was waiting in Europe to SNATCH SNOWDEN

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Re: RENDITION n. surrender; translation; performance.

To the person who "Down Voted" me....is it 'Collins English Gem Dictionary' (1974) or my interpretation of the word "RENDITION" that you've got the problem with?

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i like crisps
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Big Brother

Re; Assassination.

Hasn't happened yet because they don't want to "Martyr" him. Usual proceedure is to destroy your targets name/character first, to get public opinion on your side, then "Off" him....what a fuckin world!!!

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Big Brother

RENDITION n. surrender; translation; performance.

I'm old-skool. Not 'RENDITION' but' KIDNAP & ABDUCTION'.

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MIGHTY SOLAR FLARES fail to DESTROY CIVILISATION. Yes!

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Trollface

"NASA gives particularly huge flares"

Obesity, it seems, is even a problem for Astronauts!

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Chrome OS leaks data to Google before switching on a VPN, says GCHQ

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WTF?

GCHQ is "Dissing" Google...

...Doublebluff?

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We're ALL Winston Smith now - and our common enemy is the Big Brother State

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Re: F × S = k

I'm getting FriSK.

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The Force of tax breaks brings Star Wars filming to Blighty

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Meh

Don't get it?

If G Lucas couldn't make a decent one after Empire, then why bother making any more? That is all i have to say on this subject.

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SPIDER-TROOP, Spider-troop, does whatever a spider troop can

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FAIL

FLAW #1

You don't often see perfectly clean glass surfaces in a War Zone.

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Urine a goldmine for fuel-cell materials: boffins

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Facepalm

Re: BACK TO THE FUTURE, PT 2

You're right, i forgot about that. Have an upvote.

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Trollface

BACK TO THE FUTURE, PT 2

Would've had a completely different tone to the movie if, at the beginning, Doc Brown dropped his drawers got his cock out and emptied the steaming contents of his Bladder into his "Mr Fusion" fuel cell.

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Apple's Irish tax lair to be probed by European Commission

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Trollface

Did you know...

...that there is a law in Monaco that states that no one can shout the word "TAXMAN" in a Cinema or Theatre in case the ensuing stampede to get away causes the loss of Human life?

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'CAPTAIN CYBORG': The wild-eyed prof behind 'machines have become human' claims

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STRESS TEST.

As part of the Turing Test instead of a Q&A, how about an interrogation scenario?

To pass the test the AI would have to be able to adopt a criminal persona and be able to lie to an interrogator. The AI would have to be able to display the characteristics of stress, which humans suffer in these situations. This could then be measured by voice stress analysis. This then could be compared to an identical Human to Human interrogation to see if the "Spikes" are similar.

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i like crisps
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Trollface

Re: So much to do, so little time...

"Chest Masters", was that before or after the "Bullworker"...sounds very 70's

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Trollface

"a load of cock"

Is that an Imperial or Metric measurement

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i like crisps
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Go

BAFTA.

A Nobel prize might be a long way off yet, but i'm sure a "Lifetime Achievement Award For Comedy" is a lock!

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Go

"he installed a chip in his arm"

So basically he's just like Robocop now.

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i like crisps
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Go

Kevin Warwick..

...did he do some "moonlighting" as a Ewok in Return of the Jedi.

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Go

"The Guardian has performed a Reverse Ferret"

Even Tom Daley can't perform that one!

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Google to acquire satellite eye-in-sky Skybox for $500m

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Big Brother

Bloody Hell...

...All they need to do now is recruit 100,000 Orcs, and Middle Earth is theirs for the taking!

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Egghead dragged over coals for mining Bitcoin on uni supercomputer

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Trollface

i wouldn't have suspended him...

...i would've given him tenure.

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Apple seeks 'friendly' mouthpiece after losing tight-lipped Cotton spinner – report

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Go

Re: What Apple needs is someone...

"a charm of Magpies"...That's lovely. I like the way that the white feathers at the end of their wings makes it look as though they're all wearing Posh Gloves. At least that's what they remind me of when i'm sighting them at the end of my twelve bore! Funny innit the things that go through your head.

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i like crisps
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Go

How about...

...Kevin Spacey? His stint at The Old Vic is winding down...coincidence??

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i like crisps
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Trollface

What Apple needs is someone...

...who can communicate their love for all things shiny...how about a Magpie?

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Texan parks quadcopter atop Dallas Cowboys stadium

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Black Helicopters

Re: DIRTY BOMB!!!

The clue is in the title,,,you don't have to kill or maim anyone, the panic generated by the phrase "Dirty Bomb" will cause Economic and Financial carnage, which is much better.

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i like crisps
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Trollface

DIRTY BOMB!!!

Would make an excellent "Delivery System"....with a better operator, obviously.

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i like crisps
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Trollface

"we got a Black Hawk down, we got a Black hawk down!"

What a twat.

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Pictures of elite 'Chinese military hacker' published

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Thumb Up

If only we could give you a "upvote" El Reg.

You deserve one for that Headline.

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Four years in chokey for Haxxor behind George W Bush NUDE SELFIES

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Big Brother

"You lookin at me?"

4 years for stealing George w Bush's Nipples...silly boy.

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Brazilian president signs internet civil rights law

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Unhappy

Re: "From the country that gave you"...

So, Mr A.C and Mr Godfrey seem to think that a publicity stunt is more important than poverty? And i thought i was shallow!

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i like crisps
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Unhappy

Re: "From the country that gave you"...

Dear A.C,

Brazil should be prioritising and sorting out its Real-World problems rather than its Virtual ones.

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i like crisps
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Trollface

"From the country that gave you"...

...Favelas, Police Death Squads and Nuts...

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TalkTalk's catch-up telly fib silenced by ad watchdog

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Big Brother

Steps back in amazement!

TalkTalk still going!!!

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Who fancies a billion-quid bonanza? Just flog the Home Office some shiny walkie-talkies

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Meh

I've got a cunning plan...

...i've got some old tin cans and sting lying around. If i spray them silver and paint a big letter "i" on them i think i'll probably be in with a chance to blag the cash!

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95 floors in 43 SECONDS: Hitachi's new ultra-high-speed lift

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Trollface

"95 floors in 5 SECONDS"

When the cable snaps.

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Tooled-up Ryobi girl takes nine-inch grinder to Asus beach babe

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Meh

Re: Ms-matched

Dorris?

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i like crisps
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Meh

CHARLIE DIMMOCK!!!

Reminds me of her, only reason i watched Ground Force...does that sound shallow?

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Asteroids as powerful as NUCLEAR BOMBS strike Earth TWICE YEARLY

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Alien

Re: yeah, well

"Space Chunks", are they the same as the Pineapple variety?

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Och aye! It's the Loch Ness Monster – but only Apple fanbois can see it

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Trollface

IF YOU LOOK VERY VERY CLOSELY YOU WILL SEE...

...that it is in fact the ghost of Steve Irwin and not Nessie.

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SAVE THE EARTH... give all your iThings back to us, begs Apple

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FAIL

IRONIC REALLY...

...i mean, with the amount of Bullshit that comes out of that company, they're never going to hit Zero emissions, ever!

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R.I.P. LADEE: Probe smashes into lunar surface at 3,600mph

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Alien

The CRASHING ON THE MOON bit...

...they did that with the Apollo 11 Lunar Module, couldn't risk it falling back to Earth and landing in someones back garden.....my eyes are OPEN!!!!

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Opportunity selfie: Martian winds have given the spunky ol' rover a spring cleaning

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Surprised really...

...that it hasn't took more pictures of Donkeys....they still have them on Blackpool sands, don't they?

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NASA finds first Earth-sized planet in a habitable zone around star

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Meh

SO WHAT??

That is all.

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Spanish village called 'Kill the Jews' mulls rebranding exercise

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Meh

SOUNDS LIKE A GREAT VACATION SPOT...

Yours faithfully

E. Cartman.

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Google shuts Glass store and nixes Video Call feature

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Meh

Didn't Willy Wonka do something similar...

...those limited "Golden Tickets" certainly drove up demand for his chocky bars?

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