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* Posts by Desidero

51 posts • joined 12 May 2012

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This changes everything: Microsoft slips WinXP holdouts $100 to buy new Windows 8 PCs

Desidero

Re: Windows 8.1?

Well, duh - they've been through PR disasters before, such as Vista - you think they should sit around and do nothing to respond to user complaints? Yes, the $100 is a pretty cheap "take a 2nd look" bribe - why not?

Microsoft was pretty hot on the upcoming update to 8.1 announced at MobileWorldCongress - while the execution of Win8 was all Ballmered up, in the end I'm still interested to see corrections and new features.

http://www.techrepublic.com/article/windows-81-update-1-will-arrive-just-in-time-to-woo-windows-xp-holdouts/

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The Reg's guide to cursing in Mongolian

Desidero

O freddled gruntbuggly thy micturations are to me

As plured gabbleblochits on a lurgid bee.

Groop, I implore thee my foonting turlingdromes...

mixed Mongolian/Russian/English cadence with a bit of Altai throat singing thrown in to boot. Banned in Mongolia, big in Europe.

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Snowden journo boyf grill under anti-terror law was legal, says UK court

Desidero

1 file

From the various reports, the written password was to 1 file - whether that file was important we don't know, but they seem to have used that as 1 of their loopholes to claim Miranda irresponsible with confidential material. (not that the US & UK "intelligence" services were any more responsible with same info)

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James Bond's 'shaken not stirred': Down to trembling boozer's hands, claim boffins

Desidero

Whither the Russians?

Presumably by this "medical" analysis, the Russians couldn't have shot straight enough to drive the Germans back thousands of miles from Stalingrad, Moscow, et al. Bond is exceptional, much like Chuck Norris, not Charles Bukowski in a tux. I've known people who could drink all night, take an hour nap, and be at peak form. Not for amateurs.

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US puts Assange charge in too-hard basket - report

Desidero

As Firedog goes, so goes the nation...

as Firedoglake notes, WaPo's original piece noted the assuring line that they wouldn't arrest Assange now, but "might be in 6 months". How reassuring. Fortunately they memory-holed that tell, and went with a completely fuzzy ambiguous "maybe it's over maybe it's not it's so tuff how could we know?" framing.

http://dissenter.firedoglake.com/2013/11/26/until-the-grand-jury-is-entirely-disbanded-wikileaks-should-remain-skeptical-of-us-officials-statements/

One might wonder that if busting Wikileaks means busting the NY Times that maybe indeed Wikileaks was acting as a news organization (seems they got better bang-for-buck in the Arab spring than our overthrowing Libya), but then we'd have to consider other issues like whether The Reg violated the Official Secrets Act (I saw your PGP offer) and who knows where that would lead... no more punny jokes about ladies' naughty coverings plus quadruple-sexual-entendres and more sticking to staid technical issues...

Wikileaks also reminds that the kerfluffle over their activities also involved intimidating PayPal, Visa, et al. After 3 years and Snowden's revelations, perhaps the side effects were more the intent than actually getting hold of some Aussie in a Swedish brothel/Ecuadorian embassy. Hardly a complaint about bugging AP reporters' phones en masse, or throwing that NY Times guy in jail. We've all got that security state spirit these days, even as we forget whatever 9/11 & the Tube bombing were about.

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Assange: 'I'm fond of your work, Cumberbatch, but let's leave it at that'

Desidero
FAIL

Re: ASSANGE: 'I'm fond of the truth but only when it's the truth I approve of."

Is it really hard to figure out that personal privacy and government transparency are 2 sides of the same coin?

Of course Assange likes privacy, for himself and Wikileaks - neither of them are governments, and aside from any question of breaking laws, neither is in the public interest.

Nevertheless, privacy of soldiers or government contractors to kill civilians isn't the right to privacy covered in the Constitution, nor is the privacy for heads-of-state to siphon off billions to offshore bank accounts.

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SCO vs. IBM battle resumes over ownership of Unix

Desidero
Childcatcher

In perpetuity

Oh my Lord, this case is so old even the posters who understand what it's about are all on pension and age-eligible for the Supreme Court.

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Son of Yahoo! launches Hadoop company

Desidero
Pint

Had to commend you on the title. A virtual beer on me, if only I hadn't forgotten my virtual wallet.

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MySpace zaps millions of teens' tearful rants, causes wave of angst

Desidero
IT Angle

Re: Content you create but don't own

No warning? Rupert Murdoch told me he personally hacked your phone to leave you an iCal update.

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Whoever recently showed us the secret documents: Do get in touch

Desidero

Re: I'm sorry, it was me.

The nerve of this freak - obviously it was *me*, and I meant to send it to "The Reg" meaning Regis Philben & not some blighty lunatic farm for the techno obsessed.

I realized when you posted your PCP code. Mine is "24ll1tss1sdrwkcab3fil2r3wsna3ht", though if you're concerned I can double encrypt for best security using ROT13

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Apple beats revenue estimates but margins are falling

Desidero
Linux

Re: disagree

Really, turn off the nitrous, it's making you dizzy.

I'll include the link once again to see if you can click and read:

http://www.forbes.com/sites/greatspeculations/2013/04/19/microsoft-shakes-off-pc-slump-as-office-and-servers-sales-swell/

In short, Office 365 and Office 2013 appear to be doing just fine.

Bing is now the 2nd largest search engine even though still losing money

Azure is gaining traction, especially with the addition of LInux services.

Re: SQL Server, I'm sure it ticks you off that Honda became a success because of its price - laughed all the way to the bank.

Sharepoint may be a "joke" in your eyes, but it's heavily used.

I hardly think the only reason for Windows 7 success was Office.

And oops, I left out Xbox, which at one point beat the 2 competitors 18 months in a row.

Your Microsoft hatred certainly has the better of you.

Maybe you want to tear your shirt and lament the lack of Linux success on the desktop....

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Desidero
FAIL

Re: disagree

While MS isn't the fastest actor on the market, you can note their successes:

- DOS

- Windows

- Office (especially but not only Excel)

- MS SQL server (has most of the low-end business market

- Azure seems to be gaining a footing, finally

- Sharepoint has major enterprise usage

(Bing has 16.5% market share now, its all-time high, though they've dumped huge amounts of money into this)

So no, MS not a "one-hit wonder", as you can see from rising profits:

http://www.forbes.com/sites/greatspeculations/2013/04/19/microsoft-shakes-off-pc-slump-as-office-and-servers-sales-swell/

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Notebook makers turn to Android in face of Windows woes

Desidero

Re: Good news

I thought the Stacker suit was settled ages ago.

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Anons torn over naming 'n' shaming of 17yo's gang-rape suspects

Desidero
IT Angle

Re: Hmm...

Think about it? This is the internetz - we just have to respond viscerally. Grrrrr, meow-ow-ow.... woof & a hee-haw to you.

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'You can keep it' - Brit's nicked laptop turns up on Iranians' sofa

Desidero
Megaphone

Re: Sanctions, nuclear enrichment, background to story

I condemn the act of stealing, but likely a good chunk of computers showing up in Iran are just used, just as there's a fairly big market for legal used German cars in East Europe along with stolen ones. And it's easier to track stolen cars than computers.

Since we haven't a clue where these people bought the computer, all the assumptions that they simply had to have known it was stolen is simply shite.

And yes, there may be new Macs sold, and it may be that as sanctions tighten and the currency devalues, most people can't or won't afford a new machine. (I didn't find exact figures on RadanMac, but when they quote "installed 4000 machines myself" from the owner over 15 years, doesn't sound like business is that big.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"In recent months, Afghah said, Apple Iran has seen sales decline because of tough new sanctions imposed by the U.S. and its allies against Iran's financial sector. The new measures have caused Iran's currency, the rial, to plummet and made international payments from Iranian banks much more complex.

The company relies on a steady stream of creative individuals - including musicians, film editors and photographers - to keep its business going.

...

The focus of the sanctions has been on Iran's banks and oil industry, Iranian individuals and companies that Western capitals believe are assisting what they suspect is Tehran's drive towards a nuclear weapons capability.

But U.S. consumer products and computer equipment are another matter. Although they are banned, enterprising Iranian merchants continue to source them through underground trade routes in the Middle East and beyond.

...

Once considered rare and sought-after, iPhones and iPads are now de rigueur in Iran among those who can afford them. The epicenter of the trade is Tehran's largest technology mall, the bustling Capital Computer Complex, where more than 350 traders supply products for Iran's increasingly tech-savvy population.

One of RadanMac's competitors is a smaller firm called Apple Iran. Its website is a nearly exact replica of Apple's own, except for the Persian language and a disclaimer: "This website is not in anyway affiliated with Apple Inc." Apple has been attempting to shut it down, according to a person familiar with the matter."

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Desidero
Paris Hilton

Re: Sanctions, nuclear enrichment, background to story

You've got no effing clue what it takes to buy a Mac of any sort in Iran under our sanctions, so grow up, realize there are other countries with different political & economic systems, and perhaps take some responsibility for what your government does in its day-to-day idiocy that affects others much more than you. Then maybe come back and be a bit judgemental

PS - Iraq called - they want their blasted apart infrastructure back

PPS - Iran might have had a democracy by now if it hadn't been George Bush's Axis of Evil driving them further from the EU and greater openness. Blair the Poodle less involved in that travesty. But yes, it has somethng to do with this story, as oil-rich Iran should have an Apple store in Tehran, and not a flighty bunch of stalls to buy gear out of. Okay, to be fair - Khomeinei & Shah equally to blame, but then we put the Shah in power, didn't we? Bad business, all of it. Now shop, bitchez, and quit your bitching. The owner's not whinging, just the rest of you sad lot.

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Desidero
Devil

Sanctions, nuclear enrichment, background to story

As Ahmadinejad prepares to leave office, perhaps a few can read the background to US/UK sanctions on Iran and hope that our typical over-the-top meddling that affects the average person will decline, just as I hope they get someone less irascible and monkey-like than Ahmadinejad, who kind of like Kruschev is not as bad as his boorish activity in front of the camera makes you think. (In fact, Kruschev was one of the great under-appreciated leaders of all time - Ahmedinejad not so much but still not satan)

http://www.juancole.com/2013/04/presidential-reformist-jahanpour.html

Meanwhile, common folk suffer from our globetrotting & unilateral actions.

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Desidero
Windows

Re: Wow - quicker than you can say "judgemental"

As there are sanctions on Iran - sanctions we put there - there's no reason to think the people bought this for cheap. Even in a market selling new & used goods.

We're not in Kansas no more, Toto - Kansas' lily white rules no longer apply in much of the real world, though in the safety of the US/UK we often don't get to see the rough and tumble others live with.

But as the US/UK have caused this family and similar untold costs and hardships, are we sure the reason for our sanctions are correct? Or is our black-and-white world a bit 1950's? Through our Windows darkly...

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Desidero
WTF?

Re: err..

Dick Cheney's company regularly supplied Iran with parts illegally (for an American breaking sanctions, not Iranian) through backdoor channels - he didn't end up in jail, did he?

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Desidero
Headmaster

Re: err..

Yes, the US and EU have put sanctions on against the Iranian government, because the Iranians are refining 20% uranium, which someday could somehow turn into 90% weapons grade if they get it down.

So they bought it in a black market stall where all the illegal, stolen and grey channel goods come. How bad of them.

http://www.geekosystem.com/iran-apple-sanctions/

Almost as bad as the US/UK invading Iraq on trumped up charges, or the US/UK overthrowing Iran's democratically elected leader Mossadegh in the 1950's, to put in a more compliant Shah.

Got any more tsk tsk tsking to do?

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Desidero
Thumb Down

Re: They bought a stolen laptop.

To correct my own bit here -

The US has an embargo on Iran - it's not Iran's restrictions - so Apple, a US company, can't export to Iran.

Apple is even restricting sales in the US to Iranian Americans:

http://usnews.nbcnews.com/_news/2012/06/22/12344611-iran-trade-sanctions-get-personal-in-apple-stores?lite

As usual, when you ban something like guns or likker, they end up coming to you through other less controlled channels, such as any old stall in Persian market. Since that's how an Iranian gets new Macs and stolen Macs, it's not to be expected they differentiate. Blame Washington, UK and the EU - this family has nothing to do with Ahmadinejad, Iran's processing of uranium, the invasion of Iraq/Afghanistan/support of Hussein against Iraq, or the CIA/M5/British Petrol overthrow of Mossadegh. But coming from a seemingly well-to-do Iranian family now with an on-board calculator, they can probably tell the West the difference between 20% refined uranium and 90% weapons-grade (90-20=70%). Perhaps this will bring peace in our time.

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Desidero
Mushroom

Re: They bought a stolen laptop.

Amazing - people seem to not understand that Iran has a repressive government, and import/purchase of these devices is not allowed.

So getting a Macbook or iPad is already going to be an illegal act, unlike in the free world.

Should the purchasers consider whether their sources are dodgy? Of course they're dodgy - they're smuggling banned goods. Whether those goods have been stolen, or bought and transported is a question, but not one that Iranians living under a police-ish state are going to spend milliseconds on.

Fortunately, the owner of the laptop realized this and did the right thing, even though yes, his goods are gone.

Next week - "aid recipients in Botswana should return millions from bank that fleeced customers"

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Swedish judge explains big obstacles to US Assange extradition

Desidero
Headmaster

Re: it's simple

@obnoxiousGIt - my reply was intended for Dave Dowell further up - I would never stoop so low as to interfere with your obnoxious Gitliness. In this case, it's less a Fail Beer than a Fallen Beer, which fortunately for this one can still get up. But unlike speed of light, there is no natural limit for Fail Beers, much less "1 too many" - 1 + infinity is still infinity.

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Desidero
Unhappy

I should make it clear that the US regularly says it will not abide by this or that agreement when it feels inclined. We had a guy in Pakistan wanted for murder - whisked him out of there. The US soldier who went postal on a village? Taken to the US. Contractors spraying cars with bullets? Helicopters firing on civilians? The whole reason for US leaving Iraq is they wouldn't give the US absolute immunity.

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Desidero
Megaphone

The Swedish government can still refuse extradition to the US for murder. It's an independent state with leeway in most treaties.

For extraditing to EU countries, there might be less wiggle room.

But how about read what the Swedish justice said - he probably knows much better than you or I:

http://www.afr.com/p/lifestyle/review/julian_assange_swedish_judge_view_UKXfH1WonxwgZeaG0XnizI

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Desidero
Pint

Re: it's simple

Try reading Lindskog's words: "If the Supreme Court holds that there is any legal impediment to extradition, the government is not allowed to approve the request. The government can, however, refuse extradition even if the Supreme Court has not declared against it."

http://www.afr.com/p/lifestyle/review/julian_assange_swedish_judge_view_UKXfH1WonxwgZeaG0XnizI

Presumably if the government is going to refuse extradition anyway, the Supreme Court review's not needed?

Presumably a Swedish Supreme Court justice is more acquainted with what's in "breach of the Swedish constitution" than you are?

I'll take that Fail beer now, thank you.

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Desidero
Terminator

Re: it's simple

@Dave Dowell - thank you for disputing what a Swedish Supreme Court just told a crowd.

It's so nice to have an arbitrary blog commenter confirming what someone sitting on the bench doesn't know, simply by sifting through Wikipedia.

Looking forward to your new nuclear designs violating the laws of physics. Max Planck will be pleased.

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Desidero
Mushroom

Re: Actually, no

I'm not saying interfere with legal proceedings.

Your own quote states: "No public authority, including the Riksdag and the decision-making bodies of local authorities, may determine how an administrative authority shall decide in a particular case..."

Note the term "local authorities". So if the national administrative authority re: extraditions notes that Assange isn't going to be extradited over an unrelated charge, it's not interfering with a legal proceeding - it's solving an unrelated hurdle.

They can do it in a non-"Bill of Attainder" kind of way - "for Mr. Assange and all others under Swedish legal jurisdiction, investigation of a possible crime is not an open fishing expedition into one's complete background and international reputation. It is assumed that since the US has not indicted Mr. Assange nor filed a request for extradition in the years of Mr. Assange's presence in Sweden, UK and other EU states, that a request containing no new unassailable previously unavailable information after Mr. Assange's voluntary return to Sweden would not be grounds for Swedish action. This preserves our focus on completely investigating and ensuring justice for those accused and those possibly victimized in an incident reported to the police."

As the US has numerous verified illegal "extraordinary renditions" over the last decade, Assange's concerns are real and justified.

In 2008, the FBI illegally leaked secret recordings to the NY Times of Elliot Spitzer with a prostitute, thereby derailing one of the Bush Administration's harshest and most powerful critics. Unsurprisingly, no one at the FBI was punished, and investigations of Wall Street decreased. Like with Assange, many were unsympathetic towards Spitzer - never charged with a crime but career ruined anyway. Do we want that American sense of justice extended to the EU?

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Desidero
WTF?

This article flips Steffan Lindskog's reasoning on its head -

It's not that Julian Assange is paranoid for assuming he'll be extradited to the US from Sweden

It's that the Swedish government has the power at any time to assure all including Assange that his return to Sweden to investigate a sex allegation will not result in extradition on current jurisdiction-less Wikileaks

(assertions built on politics, military, freedom of speech, freedom of press, human rights violations)

As long as the too-clever-by-far prosecutors and the government leave their intents ambiguous, they give Assange reasonable doubt to assume he's being set up.

Considering the newspapers - including European - that actually vetted and published the Wikileaks stories, it's hard to imagine any of these charges passing EU courts, but Sweden could try to pull a quicky to satisfy American interests - so why not just say they won't?

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Nokia deflates Google's video codec thought bubble

Desidero
Alien

H.265 v VP9?

I assume Nokia is protecting its work on H.265, and assuming what's in VP8 will float to VP9.

So if they cut VP8 off at the pass, they protect their H.265 place in the market.

If they can't do that, they can license any relevant patents to VP9 at high prices,

as the VP9 patent pool isn't formed yet.

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Review: Renault Zoe electric car

Desidero
Devil

Re: Prefer soemthing like the Volt

There are competing technologies in this industry, and we still don't know what will win (one of the contenders like pure electric, a combination hybrid, something we haven't thought about....)

Battery weight will come down, charge speed will go up, availability of grid chargers will improve.

For the moment, if you park on the street, you're probably SOL. Maybe in 2 years or 5 years....

Many people mostly drive less than 100km during the week, but the occasional business drive, weekend trip to visit the folks or the beach, day when you just happened to have a ton of errands or an emergency... all makes many consumers nervous. That nervousness needs to be addressed.

The charge doesn't need to be full. A top-up may do in many cases - stop off at the station and have a 20 minute cup of coffee while you get another 20km?

"The ZOE can also be fast charged to 80 percent of its capacity in just 30 minutes using public Rapid-Charger 43 kilowatt power sources." Okay, I take that as over 50% capacity in 20 minutes, so say 40 miles/65 km. Not ideal, but for many, a kludge that makes the pain & panic go away.

But these are temporary issues - the industry will build towards common solutions over 5-10 years, both in terms of tech, vehicle, infrastructure (recharging stationary or in motion? )

We'll see - so far, looks like a step forward.

Spawn of statement just because the avatar looks like a bright red electric car.

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Desidero
FAIL

Re: Defensive?

"If I was reviewing a new video game" and spent half the article stating these games are bad for you and you'd be better off reading a book, well, I'd be a putz.

If I reviewed a tablet and spent half the time talking about how laptops are better because they have more CPU, storage and a keyboard, I'd be a putz.

The purpose of the article wasn't to justify the industry - it was to inform how this particular model performs within this infant industry.

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Drilling into 3D printing: Gimmick, revolution or spooks' nightmare?

Desidero
Devil

I hear the cotton gin will revolutionize humanity. Or is that "Civil"-ize it? What could go wrong with a simple machine that simplifies producing textiles en bulk?

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Google, MPEG LA kiss and make up in WebM patent spat

Desidero
Linux

Re: Google should have....

Street view? Without the smudgy pixelated naughty bits?

(the penguin, because all we're asking for is "open source" so we can do some bits twiddling & twaddling)

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Pirate Bay to world: We're not really off to NORKS

Desidero
Paris Hilton

If John McAfee didn't write it, I'm not believing it.

Paris, because... we'll always have Paris. Now shop til u drop, bitchez.

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'Brit Bill Gates' was powerless to stop HP's Autonomy acquisition

Desidero
Mushroom

Re: @ACs

I'm sure you would have done well on jury for Goldman Sachs in the Dragon Soft trial.

"Diligence? We just meant we were diligently speeding up the deal to collect our check."

http://www.bostonglobe.com/business/2013/01/24/goldman-sachs-not-blame-disastrous-dragon-systems-sale-boston-jury-finds/MaPB7A775HV2NYeU5Is6wJ/story.html

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US military nails 'best ever' Microsoft deal, brags size does matter

Desidero
Stop

Re: Just a thought

I've watched as government agencies try to dictate system development and fall flat on their face - commitment to Sun workstation, low bitrate ATM to the desktop, other superlative choices. After millions spent, they threw it all out and want to regular PCs, switched ethernet and other stuff the rest of the world was doing.

At what point does customised software become cheaper? with the government, likely never. (NASA perhaps being an exception.... sometimes)

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This is out of hand now: Apple attempts to trademark the LEAF

Desidero
Paris Hilton

Re: prior art

They could use an iPad 1 week a month for that iSnatch or iTwat, a natural accessory (maybe Apple can patent the string?). But from what I hear, Tim Cook wouldn't be interested anyway.

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Toshiba reveals spin transfer RAM

Desidero
Angel

Apple has patented counting "1..2..5" thereby puttying the Holy Grail in infringement. The priest has appealed to God, but Jobs took God's iPad away, so there's a bit of disgruntlement in heaven, a Mutiny if you listen to Nick Cave. How will we spin our way past this one?

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Apple removes apology-hiding JavaScript from UK website

Desidero
Facepalm

Re: Possible email exchange....

Makes me think of an upcoming "Tweets from Hillary".

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Apple rejects NAKED HIPPIE ebook, despite apple coverup

Desidero
Angel

If fate deals you figs, make fig newtons

Oh right, Apple can joke around with a court ordered admittance that Samsung didn't copy, but can't take a joke when someone uses the Apple as a modern fig leaf.

(hey, nice reversal - maybe the fig leaf is an allusion to marijuana leaves and knowledge, while Apple is the uptight skinphobic deity police censor, peel intact. It is the Jesus phone after all, and Jobs is God from what we've gathered. I can imagine emblazoning Apples on all the Roman and Greek statues - so aesthetic and sleek)

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Analyst slams Apple innovation FAIL

Desidero
Paris Hilton

Re: Simply becuase

Not to mention that for generations, promo pictures had groups of "professionals"" standing around a screen and point at something / anything. A touchscreen would invite a real-world response to their ahem pointless activity.

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'We invented Windows 8 Tiles in the 1990s', says firm suing Microsoft

Desidero
Pint

Re: Err... WOW??? Lotus Notes

Beautiful, if we can all team together to solve Microsoft's prior art problems, I'm sure Steve Ballmer will pay us something trivial. Free Beer (screw the speech) for the Reg gang?

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Assange granted asylum by Ecuador after US refused to rule out charges

Desidero

Re: What does this guy expect to get away with?

He and his organization exposed malfeasance of governments, including the direct assassination of civilians.

Doesn't mean anything to you?

The Arab Spring wouldn't have happened without Wikileaks showing the corruption of Tunisian officials.

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Desidero
Coat

Re: Well Done Equador

Uh, throw the word "rape" around and it almost means something.

Why is it those ladies didn't quite report this in a timely manner, but only after conferring between themselves.

How come Sweden couldn't interview Assange in the month he stayed there, but only found they needed him the day he left for Berlin?

And while it's nice for Sweden to be dogmatic and throw its weight around, it wasn't possible for them to interview Assange at the embassy?

Somehow this seems a lot more like extraditing to the US than worrying about the Swedish part of the equation.

(hey didn't Strauss-Kahn go through something similar?)

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Steve Jobs was top of the flops, says Apple's Tim Cook

Desidero
Terminator

Tim meant "courage to say I'm wrong. when my boss changed position. and i was right. though less courage than to say, 'hi honey, i'm home early today - and for every day from here on out."

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Is HP's printer-and-PC mashup good for channel?

Desidero
Terminator

As many large companies shun single source, HP automatically wins as the backup vendor to Amazon.

It doesn't look too tough to set up redundant failover services.

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Facebook's Eduardo Saverin: I'm not a tax-dodger

Desidero
Terminator

Re: "will tax their future investment gains no matter where they live"

Not to mention every corporation that funds Congress is leaving money overseas to avoid taxes, waiting for that amnesty that Congress does every few years.

The hypocrisy and the vindictiveness is grating.

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Vote now for the worst movie NEVER made

Desidero
Terminator

Re: Teletubbies

Insert: dome is populated by Doby McGill and the Little People, who sing munchkin-like songs while welcoming him.

It turns out the mini-hoover is just a micro-cosm of a macro-hoover he's been living in all his life. He's reunited with his true parents, who've been dodging The Suck and hairballs all through their tortured existence. Fighting with Arnold Schwarzenegger perseverance, he and his cohort Ilsa (a latter-day Heidi) fight their way through the bag to eventually turn off the power switch, freeing the little people, only to watch them wiped out one by one Hunger Games-style by the cat, who's been listening to the freak midgets singing for well on a year with no recourse. Movie credits roll as satiated kitty lies on back with bulging belly and purrs. Until suddenly a hand punches through stomach Carrie-/Alien-like and waves, while an ad flickers across the scene forebodingly, "Part II: Coming to a Theater Near You"

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