* Posts by Mitoo Bobsworth

310 posts • joined 8 May 2012

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The Martian: Matt Damon sciences the sh*t out of the red planet

Mitoo Bobsworth
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Joke

"...science the shit out of this"

A barium enema should do it.

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'This ruling does nothing to change the facts' thunders Apple in latest price-fix appeal blow

Mitoo Bobsworth
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Stop

Apple can remain as defiant as it likes...

however, it could do them a better turn just to 'fess up - throwing a hissy fit over succeeding judicial rulings just seems a bit bratty to me. Guys, you were found to have your 'hand in the till' as it were - take the smack, say you're sorry like you mean it & don't do it again!

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Giant FLYING SPACE ROCKS could KILL US ALL, warns Brian May

Mitoo Bobsworth
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Joke

"near-Earth objects, known as NEOs."

So do I take the red pill or the blue pill?

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Google's new free music service is classic Google: Take someone's idea and slap ads on it

Mitoo Bobsworth
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"...crafts each station song by song so you don’t have to..."

Pure PR cheese. To quote Bill Hicks - "...if you're in marketing or advertising ... kill yourself. No, really..."

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Even Apple doesn’t mess with Taylor Swift

Mitoo Bobsworth
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Re: Suddenly ethical?

It seems that Mr Jobs' 'reality distortion field' still has some residual effect.

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Taylor Swift boycotts Apple Music over no-pay-for-plays shocker

Mitoo Bobsworth
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Nice business model

So, technically speaking, Apple are starting this new service with the same methods some drug dealers use to create a bigger client base. Way to go Apple!

Unconsidered greed approaching black hole proportions.

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Google: Help us! Our search engine is STUFFED FULL of your 'revenge smut' pics

Mitoo Bobsworth
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Correction

"The advertising giant monster..."

There, FTFY.

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US mega-hack: White House orders govt IT to do what it should have done in the first place

Mitoo Bobsworth
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Joke

Sounds like a bad case of....

Time to roll out this handy reminder again, methinks.

ADMINISTRATIUM

"The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered by investigators at a major U.S. research university. The element, tentatively named administratium, has no protons or electrons and thus has an atomic number of 0. However, it does have one neutron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice neutrons and 111 assistant vice neutrons, which gives it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by a force that involves the continuous exchange of meson-like particles called morons.

Since it has no electrons, administratium is inert. However, it can be detected chemically as it impedes every reaction it comes in contact with. According to the discoverers, a minute amount of administratium causes one reaction to take over four days to complete when it would have normally occurred in less than a second.

Administratium has a normal half-life of approximately three years, at which time it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which assistant neutrons, vice neutrons and assistant vice neutrons exchange places. Some studies have shown that the atomic mass actually increases after each reorganization.

Research at other laboratories indicates that administratium occurs naturally in the atmosphere. It tends to concentrate at certain points such as government agencies, large corporations, and universities. It can usually be found in the newest, best appointed, and best maintained buildings.

Scientists point out that administratium is known to be toxic at any level of concentration and can easily destroy any productive reaction where it is allowed to accumulate. Attempts are being made to determine how administratium can be controlled to prevent irreversible damage, but results to date are not promising."

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How much info did hackers steal on US spies? Try all of it

Mitoo Bobsworth
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"US intelligence..."

First prize for best use of an oxymoron in an article about US agencies.

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Grooveshark closes, blames 'serious mistake' of not paying for music

Mitoo Bobsworth
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Sharks circling sharks...

...will always get messy!

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Strange alien-like life zones found beneath Antarctic glacier

Mitoo Bobsworth
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Happy

Masters of existence

Bacterium & microbes surely are the most versatile survivors known - with the exception of Keith Richards & Lemmy Kilmister, of course.

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Give Jay-Z's Tidal tune stream thing a chance, says indie label boss

Mitoo Bobsworth
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Meh

Tell you what...

If that crowd make any music that doesn't sound like processed cheese, I might consider a purchase or two. Until that day - not bothered.

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Apple Watch: We ROUNDUP the ROUNDUPS. Yes, Roundup-squared

Mitoo Bobsworth
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Joke

"I'm not masturbating...

...this is how you charge it!"

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Cisco loses logo lawsuit against WiFi inventor boffinhaus

Mitoo Bobsworth
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Yeah, tricky...

I nearly bought one of those CSIRO modem routers by mistake - good thing I looked!

</sarc>

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You want disruption? Try this: Uber office raided again, staff cuffed

Mitoo Bobsworth
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Uber

a German language word meaning "over", "above" or "across". Of late, possibly referring to their attitude & regard towards some nations' laws.

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Feds cuffed for allegedly PILFERING Silk Road drug souk's Bitcoins

Mitoo Bobsworth
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Happy

"Force worked undercover as "Nob,"

& I'll bet he's feeling like a right one, 'n all!

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Analyst dons Tim Cook mask, thinks: Glass went well for Google. Let's do that, too

Mitoo Bobsworth
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Coat

Analysts

Looks like Gene Munster is ready to make a spectacle of himself again.

(Sorry, it was so obvious, I HAD to use it! Leaving now...)

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Snowden 'ready to return to US', claims lawyer

Mitoo Bobsworth
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Re: Under US law, too

What does that even mean - "un-American" ? That's so ... naff!

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Mitoo Bobsworth
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Typo?

"...promised a fair fear trial."

Would be a more accurate description.

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Complicit Kiwis sniffed Pacific comms says Snowden

Mitoo Bobsworth
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Re: You should read the mainstream news articles

"Nobody suggested that the story was inaccurate, except the PM who said it was inaccurate before it came out"

So, in politicalspeak, I think that means the story is on the money - thanks for that confirmation, Mr Key.

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Tim Cook chills the spines of swingers worldwide

Mitoo Bobsworth
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Re: We don't sell your data..

...yet.

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How many Watches will Apple flog? 20, er, 18.5, no, five, wait, 50 million!

Mitoo Bobsworth
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Happy

"According to analysts..."

Analysts - PML!! Thanks for that - it's been a hard week & I needed a good laugh.

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UN negotiations menaced by THOUSANDS of TOPLESS LADIES with MAYONNAISE

Mitoo Bobsworth
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Re: Topless ladies with mayonaise?

Saucey!

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Jeb Bush, the man who may lead the US in 2016, dumps Floridians' private data on the web

Mitoo Bobsworth
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Re: No beating about the Bush

Yes, beat him! Hold him upside down & shake him until his brains run out of his ears & some more useful internal organ slides up to fill his empty skull - his spleen prehaps.

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Mitoo Bobsworth
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Trollface

Dear Jeb,

Doo y'all need sumwun tuh explainify 'privacy' tuh yew?

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SO. Which IS more important to humanity: Facebook, or Portugal?

Mitoo Bobsworth
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Sad number game

Wherever there is a singular focus on money as a primary measure of value, everyone loses.

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Apple wants your fingerprints in the cloud

Mitoo Bobsworth
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Stop

"Apple wants to collect and store your fingerprints..."

Beyond stupid. Fuck off right now.

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CIA exonerates CIA of all wrongdoing in Senate hacking probe

Mitoo Bobsworth
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Pint

Unsurprising, really...

It's the CIA - you weren't REALLY expecting any authenticity, were you?

Beer because it's more satisfying

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OS X search tool Spotlight runs roughshod over Mail privacy settings

Mitoo Bobsworth
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Re: Busted

@ AC

I tried a few & settled on an app called "Find Any File" which i find quicker & more convenient than spotlight. Very flexible, and has helped me do a comprehensive delete of apps & ALL their associated files that some uninstaller apps and Spotlight have missed.

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Mitoo Bobsworth
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Busted

I've always been suspicious of spotlights need to 'index' drives in order to search them. I've always used 3rd party search apps that seem far more able than spotlight, & deliver more comprehensive & useful results (for me at least).

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Sony boss: Nork megahack won't hurt our bottom line

Mitoo Bobsworth
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Joke

A new measurement?

"The US government blames North Korea for the attack..."

Is there room for another reg. measurement standard? Because I'd like to suggest a measure to help gauge the veracity of US intel/enforcement agencies' accusations of guilt based on flimsy to no supporting evidence.

This unit should be known as the 'bollock' (abbr: BOLX). The degree of BOLX detected could be prefixed with the standard indicators mega, giga, tera, etc, For example the current FBI accusation against the Norks could be a benchmark of ... hmmm... maybe 1 gigaBOLX?

Your thoughts, people.

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FBI boss: Sony hack was DEFINITELY North Korea, haters gonna hate

Mitoo Bobsworth
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This is just stupid

So the FBI 'claims' that the Norks hosed Sony & have supporting evidence to back up said 'claim', but are unable to reveal it for ...what? ... "reasons of national security" - that old chestnut again?

Please stop jerking off in front of the public & just fuck off, already.

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Prez Obama slaps sanctions on Norks in payback for Sony hack

Mitoo Bobsworth
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Let's see...

Sony gets a bucketload of free, workable publicity (good & bad, spin doctors to massage) on the cusp of releasing what is, in essence, an inconsequential, and (realistically) puerile movie. No consequences likely for those whose decision-making enabled the conditions that led to the resultant security mess.

USA gets an excuse to start rattling it's sabres at a hopelessly outgunned nation, while fostering every reason to impose both interior & exterior sanctions (possibilities - increased surveillance, promotion of IT restrictions/control, the WMD scenario again, just off the top of my head), without really having to prove their accusations in any substantial form.

A sad, sorry & entirely unnecessary fuck-up of an incident.

Cynical? Moi? Absolutely!

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Stale pizza, backup BlackBerrys, payroll panic: Sony Pictures mega-hack

Mitoo Bobsworth
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Trollface

Sony Pictures - too big to ...

... oops - quick, blame everyone else!

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Sony releases Nork flick The Interview straight to DVD (digital video download)

Mitoo Bobsworth
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Meh

"Sony releases Nork flick The Interview straight to DVD"

and ... I still don't care.

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Makers of Snowden movie Citizenfour sued by ex-oil exec

Mitoo Bobsworth
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Re: Horace Edwards... The best case I know of for Retroactive Birth Control!

Nice troll, Horace Vociferous.

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Japan to get blinged-out Firefox OS phone draped in GOLD

Mitoo Bobsworth
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Joke

Looks cool...

...but does it blend?

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Hack flings bootkits from Macs' Thunderbolts

Mitoo Bobsworth
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Stop

The more articles on IT security I read...

...the less secure i feel.

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Apple and Microsoft backed Rockstar flogs zombie Nortel patents for $900m

Mitoo Bobsworth
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Will you be my FRAND?

Sure... now bend over & grab your ankles.

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Shock! Nork-grating flick The Interview WILL be in cinemas – Sony

Mitoo Bobsworth
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Re: All a marketing stunt?

That thought has crossed my mind - however, when the FBI & Obama are part of the PR campaign, I have to temper my cynicism (a little).

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Sucker for punishment? Join Sony's security team

Mitoo Bobsworth
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Re: "... face future action over any losses Sony incurs"

Someone's had far too much coffee today!

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Mitoo Bobsworth
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Trollface

"... face future action over any losses Sony incurs"

If that means not making anymore overblown and underwhelming movies, I won't be upset.

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Sony Pictures hack is Hollywood's 'Snowden moment' say infosec bods

Mitoo Bobsworth
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Alternative hypothesis

The collective heads of Sony Pictures are as stupid, selfish, short-sighted and negligent as you think they are.

(Just thinkin' out loud...)

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Feds finger Norks in Sony hack, Obama asks: HOW DO YOU SOLVE A PROBLEM LIKE KOREA?

Mitoo Bobsworth
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Unconvincing

Proof not prevarication, facts not finger-pointing. I have a healthy distrust of the political incumbents of any nation, but mostly (these days) the merkins - any response that starts with the basic premise "because we said so..." just doesn't cut it. Hard evidence, please.

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US Navy's LASER CANNON WARSHIP: USS Ponce sent to Gulf

Mitoo Bobsworth
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Ponce

/pɒns/

BRITISH informal

noun: ponce; plural noun: ponces

1. derogatory an effeminate man.

2. a man who lives off a prostitute's earnings.

verb: ponce; 3rd person present: ponces; past tense: ponced; past participle: ponced; gerund or present participle: poncing

1.live off a prostitute's earnings. "he was arrested for poncing on the girl"

2. seek to obtain (something) without paying for it or doing anything in return. "I ponced a ciggie off her"

Just for the sake of clarification - make your own conclusions!

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Portland lobs fair-trade gluten-free artisan SUEBALL at Uber

Mitoo Bobsworth
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$41bn?

a) Who the hell comes up with these ridiculous valuations?

b) The investors are either incredibly canny (inside knowledge, financial jiggery-pokery) or incredibly stupid (good old blind greed) to bet on this company - I'm leaning toward the latter.

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Big shadowy orgs should stop scooping up everyone's personal info – say Google, Facebook

Mitoo Bobsworth
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Hahaha - oh, you're SERIOUS!?

"We urge you to pass the bill, ‪which both protects national security and reaffirms America's commitment to the freedoms we all cherish,"

Translation - "We've identified what you're doing as a revenue stream with massive potential - we can do it more surreptitiously, please hand it over to us so we can bill you for it."

</sarcasm>

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ZZZAP! Climate change means getting HIT BY LIGHTNING is likelier

Mitoo Bobsworth
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Re: And in other news

Hi Rik,

I beg to differ.

Flora & Fauna have adapted & evolved throughout the existence of this planet and, I would posit, have withstood extremes from the universe than mankind could only inflict in it's imagination. No, humanity is not treating its home in a respectful manner, that much is evident. What tickles me is the tragically flawed & self centred assumptions of human ego - that it thinks, given the Earth's ancient & tumultuous history, it will have such a ruinous effect on the planet is (to me) ultimately self-serving & smacks of NIMBY syndrome. Nature doesn't give a shit - it's not afraid for itself, doesn't care about timelines or agendas and certainly will not be bothered by Homo Sapiens fractional contribution to its ever-changing being - it will roll along as it always has & always will - with or without our ultimately self-centred fretting. That's the certainty of Nature - and that is something I appreciate being a part of. That I'm a member of the human race just makes for a good joke.

Here endeth the brief world-view of Mitoo - thanks for your interest.

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Mitoo Bobsworth
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And in other news

Climate change means mind-numbing minutae about climate change from Lewis Page is likelier.

"The planet is fine - the PEOPLE are fucked." - George Carlin

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Jony Ive: Apple isn't here to make money. And students shouldn't use computers so much

Mitoo Bobsworth
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This guy...

... is now far to full of his own shit for me to take seriously any more.

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