* Posts by Joeman

75 posts • joined 3 Apr 2012

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Inside our three-month effort to attend Apple's iPhone 7 launch party

Joeman
Mushroom

Apple, liars? never...

Apple is a cult and they don't want people attending their sermons who aren't believers.

Clearly Apple don't consider TheRegister readers are the correct audience for honest review of their new product. Well they got that right. I certainly wont be buying a new iPhone7, but when the new Google Pixel is released - a phone for proper techies - i'll be buying one ASAP.

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'Just give me any old date and I'll make it work' ... said the VB script to the coder

Joeman

People Love to hate VBA

Everyone complains and moans about VBA, but in reality its a very flexible and powerful language, that's far too often abused by people who think they can code, but cant, and then they blame VBA/Microsoft for their own deficiencies.

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Feds look left and right for support – and see everyone backing Apple

Joeman

all over the globe there are security researches and bedroom hackers trying to come up with a method of unlocking an iPhone. the first to manage it will never need to work a day in his life again as the FBI will pay big bucks for a tool like that!

Similarly there are probably a small handful of apple employees who know how to do it and are questioning if this years bonus and share options were enough to prevent them selling the idea to the feds.

Or maybe the FBI already have the data? but the evidence gathered isnt admissible in courts, so they need an official way to unlock the phone to make the data legit...

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Why Tim Cook is wrong: A privacy advocate's view

Joeman
Trollface

one million dollars..

Cue the first publicly announced, state funded hacking contest!!

FBI will pay $1m to anyone who can crack the iPhone... Then out of spite they will publish the source code on the web to p!ss off apple for being terrorist supporters.

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GCHQ summer schools to pay teenage hackers £250 a week

Joeman

Crime pays, uk.gov dont...

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Beware the terrorist drones! For they are coming! Pass new laws!

Joeman

Terrorists have to use drones because they aren't skilled enough to fly proper RC planes or helicopters which have been around for many years and never to my knowledge been use for terrorism!!

Fortunately im a skilled RC-heli pilot so be afraid if i ever decide to turn terrorist!!

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HSBC COO ‘profoundly apologises’ for online outage

Joeman

Finger of blame...

blaming them for my late VAT return... nothing to do with me being too lazy to do it over xmas or anything.. honest...

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Australian government urges holidaymakers to kill two-factor auth

Joeman

On Holiday FFS!

Who does government tax return stuff on holiday anyway??

I'd rather pay a fine when i got back than interrupt my drinking time with boring accounts!!!

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GCHQ creates Github repo, offers graph database code

Joeman

The source code looks harmless, but there is a deliberate bug in there that exploits a vulnerability in certain compilers favored by ISIS. we have nothing to worry about, but when ISIS decide they want to graph their world domination plans and download this to help them out, as soon as they hit "Compile" - BANG!!! their keyboard explodes and blinds them with flying function keys.

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Europe launches search for Einstein's space-time ripples

Joeman

That Einstein bloke - he was one clever dude...

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London councils splurge wildly differing amounts on Oracle software

Joeman

Why does anyone still bother to use Oracle anyway??

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Nvidia unveils credit card-sized 'supercomputer' for portable AI

Joeman
Childcatcher

A pedo's Dream...

The pedophiles of this world will love it when it's the norm to have camera equipped drones hovering over kiddies playgrounds..

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Microsoft Azure now goes with Google's Go

Joeman

Re: Importantly, Go is a good evolution of the C idiom

If you indent your C code correctly, why do you need the curly brackets?

Curly brackets and semicolons are a waste of keystrokes. Pythons use of indentation and no line terminator is far superior to old fashioned C-Style languages.

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Caption this: WIN a 6TB Western Digital Black hard drive with El Reg

Joeman

Look here, old chap, my trousers and left bicep might look huge to you, but that's only because you have such a massive eye!

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Met Police vid: HIDE your mobes. Pavement BIKER cutpurses on the loose

Joeman

guaranteed the thief is carrying his own phone at the time of the theft, so all they need to do is track the one phone approaching the scene of the crime that goes away with the stolen phone!

its not rocket science, but it would keep sales of new handsets down...

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New Development. Where do we go?

Joeman

Move it to the cloud! re-code in Python and run it on Google Appengine ;)

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Colombian plods cuff jailbreaker despite on-the-run gender bend

Joeman

Looking like that, HE is going to be very popular in prison...

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NASA working on faster-than-light drive capable of WARP TEN

Joeman
Facepalm

Better hope there are no space flys out there - wouldnt want one hitting my windscreen at 10c!!

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UK.gov's minimum booze price dream demolished

Joeman
FAIL

Expensive booze reduces still borns??

FFS, If the only thing preventing pregnant women drinking is the cost of booze , do we really want more unfortunate kids born into families like that???

Make the booze free - let natural selection take care of them!!

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Python slithers up Amazon's Beanstalk

Joeman
Thumb Down

Targeted directly as Google AppEngine users who use Python, but AppEngine is free for (small apps) whereas Beanstalk has no free tier.

Sorry, but im sticking to Phython on Google AppEngine :)

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The Dragon 32 is 30

Joeman
Facepalm

Re: It was *garbage*

Clearly you were doing something wrong... Boolean comparrisons are the basis of all programming.

Dont slate the Dragon - it rocked!!!

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So, that vast IT disaster you may have caused? Come in, sit down

Joeman
Holmes

So, the Secret is...

When being pressured by the boss to get something done quickly, ensure you are on CCTV when you hand him the keyboard, and tell him to have a go.

Then leave the room, make a telephone call, under another CCTV camera, and when you get back your boss will be responsible for EVERYTHING!!!

All's fair in Code and War...

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Top US Senator to Apple, Google: 'Curb your spy planes'

Joeman
Trollface

Terrorists simply do not exist!

If they existed on the scale that the governments would like us to believe, then why are we not under constant daily attack??

They dont need accurate map data to disrupt our infrastructure, they just need to toss a scaffold pole into an electricity substation, or chuck a shopping trolly on a train line, or even simpler, park a truck in the middle of a motorway.. all of these things would cause serious disruption and be deemed terrorist attacks, but they are just not happening!!

Therefore i conclude that terrorists do not exist.

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Updated MacBook Air sports tweaked SSD tech

Joeman
Pint

Re: @AC: Embrace, Extend, Extract money.

You're not (and i'm not!) their target audience!

Apple release a machine each year and expect all their dedicated apple fans to upgrade each year, not hang onto the same machine for 6 years...

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Source code smoking gun links Stuxnet AND Flame

Joeman
FAIL

Two Years Undetected??

So how do Kaspersky Labs explain that the virus went undetected for two years?? are they saying that thier AV products count detect the spread of the malware?? bad PR for Kaspersky...

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Man's car warns of AIR RAID OVER LONDON

Joeman
Pint

Finally a use for my RasPi!

Web connected RasPi taped to a lamppost sending out spoof RDS alerts... genius idea!!??

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Crazy Texans dunk servers in DEEP FRYERS

Joeman

Wouldnt like to be the poor guy who has to stick his hand in there to press the reset buttons.. nasty!!

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Boffins cram binary data into living cells' DNA

Joeman
Pint

In the future, we'll be able to program our dogs to leave binary coded dog poo all over the park for someone else to pick up - the future of file sharing maybe??

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Review: Raspberry Pi

Joeman
Mushroom

Re: Where's the accelerated codecs?

Not everyone wants to watch "media" all the time!!

The idea of the RasPi is not to sit on your arse watching TV, but to get kids using their brains learning to code.. with this in mind - why does it matter what video codec its ships with??

if you want to watch media, just go buy a media streamer from eBay for probably less money.. the Pi is not for TV addicts! </rant>

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Joeman
Pint

Some really ANGRY! people on this forum..

Chill out guys - some people like to hack about on stuff, others dont. Thats the point of the Pi.

Its not a finished product, its somethign to get your brain ticking..

Having a dedicated devide for learning to code will maybe stop people checking FaceBook/Twitter etc every 5mins and allow them to get on with writing some cool code.

For me, whats missing for shools, is the flashing lights, bottons, buzzers etc. no doubt these will all come with time, and i think thats when we'll start to capture the kid's imaginations and make them want to code....

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Is there life after ads for St Zuck?

Joeman
Happy

Re: spreadbet

Wonder who else followed my lead and cashed in???

*smug face*

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Joeman
Mushroom

I'll be watching the IPO very carefully and looking for the chance to spreadbet against them... price will be stupidly high to start with, and will drop like a stone.. thats when we can all cash in :)

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Ouch! Facebook slumps below IPO value on day 2

Joeman
Pint

Come on lads, fire up your spread betting software and start cashing in on the price movements!! we all know which way its going, so stop talking and start profiting! :)

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Smoke-belching flash drive self-destructs on command

Joeman
Pint

Re: It's fake

Might have a point - with that big CPU fan running that close to the drive, wouldnt you exepct the smoke to be sucked in/blown away by the fan??

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Joeman
Mushroom

The red button needs one of those cool flip up covers... just for added dramatic affect :)

Once you let the smoke out of the box, its very difficult to get it back in!

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Sony outs 1080p skinny laptops

Joeman
Pint

LOL, yes, and also stops them having to have specific marketing photos for each country... very rare to see UK keyboards (with " charcter over the number 2) in promotional photos, but US keyboards (with @ over the number 2) often have a different shape Return key.

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Joeman

Why do they always take photos of Laptops from behind?? surely most people who buy them will spend more time looking at the front of the laptop, than the back??

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75,000 Raspberry Pi baked before August

Joeman
Pint

Anyone planning to put one into orbit?? would make a great platform for a micro satellite...

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Spy under your car bonnet 'worth billions by 2016'

Joeman
Pint

Id rather pay more insurance for a de-restricted car that let me decide what speed to drive, than save money and be paranoid about "Big Brother" watching my driving habits..

you would be instantly penalised for driving 31 in a 30 limit, yet would get no recognition for dropping down to 5mph in a 30limit when there are kids close by...

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Joeman
Mushroom

A good driver doesn’t need to be told how fast to drive, they drive at a speeds that's appropriate for their vehicle and the current road conditions...

If accident rates were proportional to speed, then why are motorways the safest place to drive?? and why dont regular speeders crash more often??? speed is just an easily quantifiable, impossible to argue against tool for taxing the motorist...

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Study reveals high price of smut addiction

Joeman
Pint

you should take a selection of 'pornaholics', on a night out to a strip bar with hookers for the after party and document the results... wonder if they would 'man up' or wimp out?

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Joeman
Paris Hilton

A wise man once said...

If you deleted all of the porn from the internet, there would only be one page left, and it would be called "Bring back the porn"...

(Cant rememebr who said that!)

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Microsoft digs Doppler to effect gesture detection

Joeman
Pint

Dogs all over the world will be going crazy when they hear their owners laptop making noises like that!!

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HP intros not-quite-Ultrabook Sleekbook laptops

Joeman
FAIL

What do they actually intend us to do with all these machines with 1366 x 768 displays???

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Samsung outs Ivy Bridge notebooks

Joeman
Pint

Centered with the keyboard means its the perfect place for your hands to move down from the keys to the trackpad.

If it was cetered with the screen, it would be a real pain in the @rse to use as you would have to more you entire arm, not just your wrist to get to the track pad.

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Joeman
FAIL

1366 x 768 #FAIL

1366 x 768 on a screen that size would be like Retro 8-bit Pixilated graphics!!

#FAIL

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Sony outs its first Ultrabook

Joeman
FAIL

I don tthink i've owned anything made by Sony since my old Walkman... doesnt look like thats going to change anytime soon...

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Samsung unwraps 17in Ivy Bridge beast

Joeman
FAIL

Re: Resolution

agreed!! on a screen that large - the pixels would look like lego blocks!!!

why wont people put more pixels in their machines!!???

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Google Drive Issues on Mac

Joeman
Mushroom

Re: I agree

Some people are behaving like a spoilt brats who didnt get what they wanted for xmas!!

Its not unusual for Google Apps Business to get features after the free Gmail users get them. No doubt google want to ensure the service is reliable and worthy of a fee before including it in with the 'Paid for' accounts.

Give them a bit of time, and you will get a service that really compliments your Google Apps Business account.... alternatively, chuck your toys out of your pram, stomp your feet, and refuse to move away from whatever system your currently using... your choice!

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I need a New Laptop!!

Joeman

Re: Some more details...

If i wanted to "look big" and impress people, then most likely the Apple would be the fashionable choice right?? This is a work machine, and the more power it has, the quicker i get my work done its not a fashion statement!

The point is that i buy a new machine every few years, and ensure its high enough spec to last until the next upgrade.. Not much point me buying an A8 or i5 when there is a better option available.

As for external monitors - i already have a 28" screen which i hook up to when i really need the extra screen space, but i cant really take that on the train between clients, or make use of it whiles sat on the sofa. Anything bigger than 15" is too big to carry about, but more pixels would make the machine more usable when away from the external display. Current screen res of 1440x900 is ok, but higher res would be better...

Currently looking at the Dell Precision M4600. it has a 15.6" screen running 1920x1080 resolution. Has i7 Quad core, and SSD option. All in with a few extra bits and bobs for just over £2k +VAT. Other plus point is the numeric pad (like my current machine)..... its a bit of a brick though!

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