* Posts by Joeman

71 posts • joined 3 Apr 2012

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GCHQ summer schools to pay teenage hackers £250 a week

Joeman

Crime pays, uk.gov dont...

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Beware the terrorist drones! For they are coming! Pass new laws!

Joeman

Terrorists have to use drones because they aren't skilled enough to fly proper RC planes or helicopters which have been around for many years and never to my knowledge been use for terrorism!!

Fortunately im a skilled RC-heli pilot so be afraid if i ever decide to turn terrorist!!

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HSBC COO ‘profoundly apologises’ for online outage

Joeman

Finger of blame...

blaming them for my late VAT return... nothing to do with me being too lazy to do it over xmas or anything.. honest...

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Australian government urges holidaymakers to kill two-factor auth

Joeman

On Holiday FFS!

Who does government tax return stuff on holiday anyway??

I'd rather pay a fine when i got back than interrupt my drinking time with boring accounts!!!

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GCHQ creates Github repo, offers graph database code

Joeman

The source code looks harmless, but there is a deliberate bug in there that exploits a vulnerability in certain compilers favored by ISIS. we have nothing to worry about, but when ISIS decide they want to graph their world domination plans and download this to help them out, as soon as they hit "Compile" - BANG!!! their keyboard explodes and blinds them with flying function keys.

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Europe launches search for Einstein's space-time ripples

Joeman

That Einstein bloke - he was one clever dude...

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London councils splurge wildly differing amounts on Oracle software

Joeman

Why does anyone still bother to use Oracle anyway??

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Nvidia unveils credit card-sized 'supercomputer' for portable AI

Joeman
Childcatcher

A pedo's Dream...

The pedophiles of this world will love it when it's the norm to have camera equipped drones hovering over kiddies playgrounds..

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Microsoft Azure now goes with Google's Go

Joeman

Re: Importantly, Go is a good evolution of the C idiom

If you indent your C code correctly, why do you need the curly brackets?

Curly brackets and semicolons are a waste of keystrokes. Pythons use of indentation and no line terminator is far superior to old fashioned C-Style languages.

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Caption this: WIN a 6TB Western Digital Black hard drive with El Reg

Joeman

Look here, old chap, my trousers and left bicep might look huge to you, but that's only because you have such a massive eye!

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Met Police vid: HIDE your mobes. Pavement BIKER cutpurses on the loose

Joeman

guaranteed the thief is carrying his own phone at the time of the theft, so all they need to do is track the one phone approaching the scene of the crime that goes away with the stolen phone!

its not rocket science, but it would keep sales of new handsets down...

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New Development. Where do we go?

Joeman

Move it to the cloud! re-code in Python and run it on Google Appengine ;)

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Colombian plods cuff jailbreaker despite on-the-run gender bend

Joeman

Looking like that, HE is going to be very popular in prison...

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NASA working on faster-than-light drive capable of WARP TEN

Joeman
Facepalm

Better hope there are no space flys out there - wouldnt want one hitting my windscreen at 10c!!

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UK.gov's minimum booze price dream demolished

Joeman
FAIL

Expensive booze reduces still borns??

FFS, If the only thing preventing pregnant women drinking is the cost of booze , do we really want more unfortunate kids born into families like that???

Make the booze free - let natural selection take care of them!!

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Python slithers up Amazon's Beanstalk

Joeman
Thumb Down

Targeted directly as Google AppEngine users who use Python, but AppEngine is free for (small apps) whereas Beanstalk has no free tier.

Sorry, but im sticking to Phython on Google AppEngine :)

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The Dragon 32 is 30

Joeman
Facepalm

Re: It was *garbage*

Clearly you were doing something wrong... Boolean comparrisons are the basis of all programming.

Dont slate the Dragon - it rocked!!!

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So, that vast IT disaster you may have caused? Come in, sit down

Joeman
Holmes

So, the Secret is...

When being pressured by the boss to get something done quickly, ensure you are on CCTV when you hand him the keyboard, and tell him to have a go.

Then leave the room, make a telephone call, under another CCTV camera, and when you get back your boss will be responsible for EVERYTHING!!!

All's fair in Code and War...

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Top US Senator to Apple, Google: 'Curb your spy planes'

Joeman
Trollface

Terrorists simply do not exist!

If they existed on the scale that the governments would like us to believe, then why are we not under constant daily attack??

They dont need accurate map data to disrupt our infrastructure, they just need to toss a scaffold pole into an electricity substation, or chuck a shopping trolly on a train line, or even simpler, park a truck in the middle of a motorway.. all of these things would cause serious disruption and be deemed terrorist attacks, but they are just not happening!!

Therefore i conclude that terrorists do not exist.

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Updated MacBook Air sports tweaked SSD tech

Joeman
Pint

Re: @AC: Embrace, Extend, Extract money.

You're not (and i'm not!) their target audience!

Apple release a machine each year and expect all their dedicated apple fans to upgrade each year, not hang onto the same machine for 6 years...

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Source code smoking gun links Stuxnet AND Flame

Joeman
FAIL

Two Years Undetected??

So how do Kaspersky Labs explain that the virus went undetected for two years?? are they saying that thier AV products count detect the spread of the malware?? bad PR for Kaspersky...

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Man's car warns of AIR RAID OVER LONDON

Joeman
Pint

Finally a use for my RasPi!

Web connected RasPi taped to a lamppost sending out spoof RDS alerts... genius idea!!??

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Crazy Texans dunk servers in DEEP FRYERS

Joeman

Wouldnt like to be the poor guy who has to stick his hand in there to press the reset buttons.. nasty!!

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Boffins cram binary data into living cells' DNA

Joeman
Pint

In the future, we'll be able to program our dogs to leave binary coded dog poo all over the park for someone else to pick up - the future of file sharing maybe??

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Review: Raspberry Pi

Joeman
Mushroom

Re: Where's the accelerated codecs?

Not everyone wants to watch "media" all the time!!

The idea of the RasPi is not to sit on your arse watching TV, but to get kids using their brains learning to code.. with this in mind - why does it matter what video codec its ships with??

if you want to watch media, just go buy a media streamer from eBay for probably less money.. the Pi is not for TV addicts! </rant>

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Joeman
Pint

Some really ANGRY! people on this forum..

Chill out guys - some people like to hack about on stuff, others dont. Thats the point of the Pi.

Its not a finished product, its somethign to get your brain ticking..

Having a dedicated devide for learning to code will maybe stop people checking FaceBook/Twitter etc every 5mins and allow them to get on with writing some cool code.

For me, whats missing for shools, is the flashing lights, bottons, buzzers etc. no doubt these will all come with time, and i think thats when we'll start to capture the kid's imaginations and make them want to code....

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Is there life after ads for St Zuck?

Joeman
Happy

Re: spreadbet

Wonder who else followed my lead and cashed in???

*smug face*

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Joeman
Mushroom

I'll be watching the IPO very carefully and looking for the chance to spreadbet against them... price will be stupidly high to start with, and will drop like a stone.. thats when we can all cash in :)

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Ouch! Facebook slumps below IPO value on day 2

Joeman
Pint

Come on lads, fire up your spread betting software and start cashing in on the price movements!! we all know which way its going, so stop talking and start profiting! :)

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Smoke-belching flash drive self-destructs on command

Joeman
Pint

Re: It's fake

Might have a point - with that big CPU fan running that close to the drive, wouldnt you exepct the smoke to be sucked in/blown away by the fan??

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Joeman
Mushroom

The red button needs one of those cool flip up covers... just for added dramatic affect :)

Once you let the smoke out of the box, its very difficult to get it back in!

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Sony outs 1080p skinny laptops

Joeman
Pint

LOL, yes, and also stops them having to have specific marketing photos for each country... very rare to see UK keyboards (with " charcter over the number 2) in promotional photos, but US keyboards (with @ over the number 2) often have a different shape Return key.

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Joeman

Why do they always take photos of Laptops from behind?? surely most people who buy them will spend more time looking at the front of the laptop, than the back??

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75,000 Raspberry Pi baked before August

Joeman
Pint

Anyone planning to put one into orbit?? would make a great platform for a micro satellite...

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Spy under your car bonnet 'worth billions by 2016'

Joeman
Pint

Id rather pay more insurance for a de-restricted car that let me decide what speed to drive, than save money and be paranoid about "Big Brother" watching my driving habits..

you would be instantly penalised for driving 31 in a 30 limit, yet would get no recognition for dropping down to 5mph in a 30limit when there are kids close by...

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Joeman
Mushroom

A good driver doesn’t need to be told how fast to drive, they drive at a speeds that's appropriate for their vehicle and the current road conditions...

If accident rates were proportional to speed, then why are motorways the safest place to drive?? and why dont regular speeders crash more often??? speed is just an easily quantifiable, impossible to argue against tool for taxing the motorist...

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Study reveals high price of smut addiction

Joeman
Pint

you should take a selection of 'pornaholics', on a night out to a strip bar with hookers for the after party and document the results... wonder if they would 'man up' or wimp out?

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Joeman
Paris Hilton

A wise man once said...

If you deleted all of the porn from the internet, there would only be one page left, and it would be called "Bring back the porn"...

(Cant rememebr who said that!)

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Microsoft digs Doppler to effect gesture detection

Joeman
Pint

Dogs all over the world will be going crazy when they hear their owners laptop making noises like that!!

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HP intros not-quite-Ultrabook Sleekbook laptops

Joeman
FAIL

What do they actually intend us to do with all these machines with 1366 x 768 displays???

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Samsung outs Ivy Bridge notebooks

Joeman
Pint

Centered with the keyboard means its the perfect place for your hands to move down from the keys to the trackpad.

If it was cetered with the screen, it would be a real pain in the @rse to use as you would have to more you entire arm, not just your wrist to get to the track pad.

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Joeman
FAIL

1366 x 768 #FAIL

1366 x 768 on a screen that size would be like Retro 8-bit Pixilated graphics!!

#FAIL

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Sony outs its first Ultrabook

Joeman
FAIL

I don tthink i've owned anything made by Sony since my old Walkman... doesnt look like thats going to change anytime soon...

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Samsung unwraps 17in Ivy Bridge beast

Joeman
FAIL

Re: Resolution

agreed!! on a screen that large - the pixels would look like lego blocks!!!

why wont people put more pixels in their machines!!???

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Google Drive Issues on Mac

Joeman
Mushroom

Re: I agree

Some people are behaving like a spoilt brats who didnt get what they wanted for xmas!!

Its not unusual for Google Apps Business to get features after the free Gmail users get them. No doubt google want to ensure the service is reliable and worthy of a fee before including it in with the 'Paid for' accounts.

Give them a bit of time, and you will get a service that really compliments your Google Apps Business account.... alternatively, chuck your toys out of your pram, stomp your feet, and refuse to move away from whatever system your currently using... your choice!

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I need a New Laptop!!

Joeman

Re: Some more details...

If i wanted to "look big" and impress people, then most likely the Apple would be the fashionable choice right?? This is a work machine, and the more power it has, the quicker i get my work done its not a fashion statement!

The point is that i buy a new machine every few years, and ensure its high enough spec to last until the next upgrade.. Not much point me buying an A8 or i5 when there is a better option available.

As for external monitors - i already have a 28" screen which i hook up to when i really need the extra screen space, but i cant really take that on the train between clients, or make use of it whiles sat on the sofa. Anything bigger than 15" is too big to carry about, but more pixels would make the machine more usable when away from the external display. Current screen res of 1440x900 is ok, but higher res would be better...

Currently looking at the Dell Precision M4600. it has a 15.6" screen running 1920x1080 resolution. Has i7 Quad core, and SSD option. All in with a few extra bits and bobs for just over £2k +VAT. Other plus point is the numeric pad (like my current machine)..... its a bit of a brick though!

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Joeman
Pint

Re: Buy a Samsung

You sound like me!! i have a Samsung D8000 TV, Galaxy S2 phone, Galaxy Tab 10.1, and i bought my mum a little Samsung laptop for xmas.

Samsung kit all seems really good at the moment... shame they dont have a Laptop with the spec im looking for else i would buy it in an instant :(

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Joeman
Pint

Some more details...

... Laptop used for development ( Visual Studio, C#, SQL server, Excel VBA, GAE VMWare etc..). Im not a gamer so no need for fancy graphics cards, I just like to have the highest resolution possible so i can fit more code on the screen!

i dont want stupid Wide-screen, im not going to watch movies on it - why do all manufacturers think we want to watch movies on a laptop?? thats what my TV is for!!

I've upgraded my current machine with a Crucial M4 128GB SSD. i dont use much space apart from for Virtual Machines and i dual boot Windows/Ubuntu.

As for the reason for SSD - i think once you've had SSD i dont think you can go back without getting frustrated. Guess i could always take the SSD from my current machine and stick it into the new machine if it doesnt come with SDD already (would that void an apple warranty??)

Reason for i7 is that i like to buy top spec machines that are useable for a few years. The faster the CPU, the faster my code compiles, more VM's i can run, and longer it will be a usable dev machine. also (if im honest) for bragging rights over my mates :)

My Asus M50 is still a very good machine, its just geting old. the mouse buttons have lost all their silver paint where ive worn them out, the palm rests are getting very hot, and the fan is getting noisy. I guess i could do some surgery to fix it, but its a good excuse for an upgrade and i would really like some more pixels!

Cost not too much of an issue, i'm a contracor so it just reduces my company tax bill, but i do resent paying apple nearly 3k just for the brand name.

I find it really interesting that there isnt one default Developer focused laptop thats everyone uses. A gap in the market there surely??

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Joeman
Pint

Re: Samsung RF511

@Pauliroth - yes the Samsung is a nice looking machine, and has the numeric pad with is useful, but alas, my current M50 has a "1440 X 900" screen, and i was hoping to get higher resolution...

Does nobody make a windows machine with anything higher than WXGA+(1440 X 900)???

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Joeman
Pint

I need a New Laptop!!

My current Laptop (Asus M50) is getting a bit long in the tooth, so im looking for a replacement.

Ideally would like the same screensize but higher resolution, i7 CPU, SSD.

The closest i can find to this spec is a 15" MacBook Pro with HD screen and SSD options, but im not an Apple fan, so can anyone suggest an alternative??

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