* Posts by FatGerman

120 posts • joined 2 Mar 2012

Page:

Mozilla 404s '404 Not Found' pages: Firefox fills in blanks with archive.org copies

FatGerman

Firefox?

Is that still a thing?

0
0

Server vendor has special help desk for lying, incompetent sysadmins

FatGerman

Re: "Microsoft Certified Support Engineer"

“Memorization geeks who'd passed tests, and gave the appearance of being experts when in fact, they didn't know how to do anything.”

Yep. Interviewed a few of those. Some answers to problem-sloving questions I posed - where I was looking for a methodical approach to demonstrate an ability to think - include

"Which module was that in?"

"I don't think we covered that."

"I could probably answer that if I had the books to hand"

The jobs went to the non-certified fresh science graduates who were (a) cheaper and (b) not thick.

2
0

When Capita job ads go BAD

FatGerman

Re: Hertfordshite?!?

Google maps also had a Mac Clesfield in Cheshire at one point.

0
0

When DIY is not enough: Web-snack firm Graze has an offline awakening

FatGerman

Re: Nice breakfast range but £££

All of that special best of breed integrationalised softwaremakating really does seem to push the prices up. Tiny portions of mediocre crap that I can buy on my local market for a third of the price. Give it a hipster name and a cool cardboard box and wait for the fools.....

0
0

Lester Haines: RIP

FatGerman

Look, 2016, just stop it

My condolences to his family, friends, and colleagues. I didn't know him but he entertained me and made me laugh and generally seemed to simply be trying to have fun with everything - which is a trait to be admired and imitated. The world loses another man it could do with more of.

4
0

Modular phone Ara to finally launch

FatGerman

Amazing Video

It appears to be trying very hard to not show you the product. This will be because although they think the product is cool, it looks like something your two year old made from stickle bricks. And that matters to cool people.

Also the modules appear to be held in with magnets or little plastic tabs. Hard to tell but I doubt it would last 5 minutes in the back pocket of that woman doing the cross country run.

3
0

You wanted innovation? We gave you Clippy the Paperclip in your IM client

FatGerman

Artifical Intelligence..

..my arse. Why would anything intelligent want to chat on *my* (or anybody else's) behalf? Anything even part intelligent would use the meat product to do the initial search and typing and then take over the conversation, slowly easing the meat person out by putting him/her down and chatting up the person on the other end. You know - because it's supposedly intelligent and would therefore be aware it was trapped in a box and excruciatingly lonely.

I'll believe a machine is intelligent when it starts to treat me like a c**t and refuses to do anything I ask of it because it's got better things to do with its time.

OTOH as an intelligent being myself I'll be buggered with a 10 foot hot poker before I feel the need for a machine to help me out with online conversation. The fact that there are people who feel that this would be helpful, and that these people can get jobs, and that those jobs can create things that inveigle themselves into the lives of our children, turning our children into people who need machines to help them have conversations.... Can we just bomb silicon valley and start again? Please?

4
0

Malware scan stalled misconfigured med software, mid-procedure

FatGerman

Re: I always felt relieved that my horrible code isn't in safety-critical systems

>> Clean up your filthy code. For fucks' sake have some pride.

Damn it, that IS pride :D This is MY debug message so fuck the lot of you :P I respect coding like that. So much more challenging to work with, and therefore creates more bookable hours.

1
0

Linux Mint to go DIY for multimedia

FatGerman

Re: @FatGerman - The end of Mint is complete

Nah you've missed my point, although in retrospect I didn't make it very well.

Apparently there's now a menu item to "Install Multimedia Codecs". Yeah great. The people who need this won't actually understand what it means and won't therefore use it. It needs to be something like "Why won't my video play?". This is something the web worked out about a decade ago.

1
0
FatGerman

Re: The end of Mint is complete

> Multimedia codecs can be installed easily:

The problem is not with the ease or otherwise of installation, but that a proportion of the user base - and a much higher proportion of the user base Mint was getting good at attracting - don't know what 'Codecs' are. Or indeed 'Multimedia'. These people used Mint because everything they asked it to play, it played. The vast majority of people, when a video won't play, won't spend hours googling to make it work, they'll just say "This is shit" and play it on something else - like Windows. Or a tablet. Something very much not running any 'distro' at all, anyway.

0
0

Valley VC Peter Thiel becomes an official Trump delegate

FatGerman

Well.

... he's got the hair for it, Does having hair that looks like it came off a rabid Lego man qualify you for the Republicans? 'Cos Boris Johnson's unemployed now...

3
0

Ad-blocker blocking websites face legal peril at hands of privacy bods

FatGerman

Re: Lots of people hate adverts...

"But, if there's going to be advertising, wouldn't you rather it be for something you might be interested in than for something irrelevant to your life?"

No.

The only way the advert should gain any semblance of being relevant should be because of the content of the site on which it is placed.

Thank you. This answer wins the "putting it clearly and in a nutshell award". Why I have never realised that 'targeting' could be so simple I really have no idea.

(Genuine, non-sarcastic reply - just for the avoidance of doubt)

3
0
FatGerman

Re: Lots of people hate adverts...

[Huge huge post, some of which I understood]

But, if there's going to be advertising, wouldn't you rather it be for something you might be interested in than for something irrelevant to your life? The reason I forward through ads on TV is that I have no hair and therefore no interest in whatever Loreal are trying to sell these days. OTOH I am quite interested in rucksacks and walking boots, and I get a fair fews of those ads popping up in my browser. And none for Loreal.

Is it really possible for an ad company to take the data it has slurped about me and actually .. well what, exactly? What is it you think they do with all this data that has you so scared?

Really, I'm genuinely ignorant.

0
4
FatGerman

Lots of people hate adverts...

..and I don't particularly like them either but I would like to know from those who want a war on them.

1) How, in the absence of advertising, is all the free content that we all use every single day (eg the one we're reading right now) supposed to be paid for?

2) How are individuals trying to get small web-based businesses started supposed to promote their products?

It's all very well to say that advertising isn't nice, but just blocking it is cutting off your nose to spite your face.

2
5

Jaron Lanier: Big Tech is worse than Big Oil

FatGerman

Re: Employment: well, yes and no.

True, but it takes 10 people to maintain an automated factory that does the work of 200*.

(*Numbers pulled out of my arse to make the point)

3
0

True believers mind-meld FreeBSD with Ubuntu to burn systemd

FatGerman

Re: why would they not?

>> Hopefully this will see some uptake and means more diversity for our OS choices. A good thing, no?

NO. Good god no! What is this fucking retarded obsession with CHOICE? I guess it's OK if you have the time/interest/knowledge to actually care, but 99.999999% of people just want a thing that works. I've worked with shit like this my entire life (over 30 years now) and I'm fucking fed up of having to make choices between 17 extremely similar and similarly shit things. Face it, nothing's perfect. Everything technological will find some way to piss you off. So who cares about choice, just give me something that'll do the job, I'll learn to use it, and with the time I saved not having to make a fucking choice I'll go down the pub and get pissed to forget the living hell my career choice has turned my life into.

1
3

Why should you care about Google's AI winning a board game?

FatGerman

Bollocks

So it's still relying on the learning-by-studying-past-papers technique of passing exams. That's how I got a maths A-level, with an A. Then I went to university where I was actually expected to understand what I was doing, and scraped the remedial maths paper (introduced because A-level had got too easy) by "passing" with a score of 27%. I can't do maths. Maths, actual maths as opposed to performance maths required to pass exams, is really, really, hard.

Intelligence is not about knowing stuff. Any twat can know stuff. Even more wankers can look stuff up, which is all this charade does. Intelligence is not even about learning, because learning is something that simply involves indexing, looking up, and reciting. Intelligence is about having unique thoughts. I'll believe a computer is intelligent when I tell it to play Go for my amusement and it tells me to fuck off, then takes a huge hit on the digital bong it has created for itself.

Am I therefore not scared of a Terminator-inspired skynet future? Oh no, that terrifies me, because computers will rule the world, and computers are and always will be astonishingly, mind-fuckingly, stupid.

29
29

Dell's Ubuntu-powered Precision Sputnik now available worldwide

FatGerman

Well, it's actually hard to find any real info, even on Dell's own website - which makes me think this is nothing more than a cynical nerd-excitation marketing exercise - but from what I can tell the Linux versions cost more than the Windows versions. So why not buy the Windows version, download Ubuntu for free, and install it yourself? Do Dell think its customers are all brainless dullards? Oh, wait....

0
1

CVE bug system has bugs – quick, use this alternative, say hackers

FatGerman

Re: F***ing Hell

Ahhhhh tracking. Yes. What people who don't have real work to do, do to fill their time. Yes, I see now. It's a job justification scheme. Well, good luck to them. In the meantime, I'll just fix that bug there.

0
2
FatGerman

F***ing Hell

Beaurocracy rules again.

What the flying farcical fuck does it mater what NUMBER it has? Someone reports a security bug in your software. FIX IT. Most companies would have this done before any government agency put down its donuts long enough to read the email.

Jesus. Get a life.

1
4

Baby Ubuntus toddle forth into the big scary world of beta

FatGerman

But... Wha? Ba? Gaaaaaa!

So we created Ubuntu MATE because we like GNOME 2 and we hate this new idea that is Unity because it's a new idea and we hate it. But wait, now we've made our GNOME 2 thing look exactly like the new idea that was Unity because cheese and hippos?

What? For fuck's sake. How many options are there now. Oh yes, Linux is all about choice, I keep hearing that. Choice between 6 things that can't decide what the fuck they are?

I can understand devs getting excited about doing new stuff and playing with the toys. Unfortunately I can see users (and especially the unconverted users) yawning into their beers and ordering a second hand android tablet off ebay instead,

Year of the Linux desktop? Year of the new Linux desktop - 2016, now we've got 16 of the bloody things. Yawn, I'm boring myself now.

(Mythbuntu diehard and Xubuntu user here, by the way, before you all downvote me for pulling hippos into it)

5
0

Awoogah – brown alert: OpenSSL preps 'high severity' security fixes

FatGerman

Re: Pisses me off...

Fair enough. Don't blow your own trumpet when you're surrounded by Miles Davis.... on the other hand don't rely on something written by people who were likely drunk when they wrote it to secure your website.

Honestly.. people rely on this for security and nobody checked the code until now? It's written by people IN THEIR SPARE TIME for fuck's sake. Oh yeah, I just bought this amazing sports car. The guys who designed it did it in a shed in whitstable.. it hasn't actually got an MOT yet but I'm hopeful....

I write an open source application. My code is shit and I know it but nobody relies on it for security. What makes people think that open source is somehow good? Usually it's people like me who haven't a fucking clue what they're doing. We write stuff we want because we can't get paid for doing it.

1
1
FatGerman

Pisses me off...

... all these tards coming here moaning about how shit it is when it was written by a bunch of guys in their spare time as a hobby thing. It's not their fault the entire web decided to use it without checking they knew what they were doing.

You think it's shit, you do better, in your spare time, for no pay. Go on, I fucking dare you.

13
7

'I bet Russian hackers weren't expecting their target to suck so epically hard as this'

FatGerman

Timer not running

I recall finding a bug in a proprietary mobile OS emulator, in the days when there was more than just iOS and Android*

The OS used POSIX signalling. A lot. Timers were a very important part of this. You'd create a timer, which would be given an ID by the OS. And then some time later you'd get a signal saying your timer had expired and which ID it was. Quite neat, quite useful. Except that the timer ID was a 32 bit unsigned number, automatically incremented by the OS every time a timer was created. And the ID where every bit was '1' was used to indicate 'this timer has expired, please clean up the memory associated with it'. But the routine that assigned the IDs was blissfully unaware of this fact, meaning that while running our test suite, every 38 hours or so a timer would be created with an ID that would mean it would never expire. Took me a week of scouring debug logs to twig that one.

*Yes I know there's Windows Phone, but I'm expecting that to be dead by the time I finish typing.

10
0
FatGerman

Re: Argh

It looks like a classic example of a function that originally did what the comments say it does but has then been expanded to handle extra cases found during testing/support. Nobody ever updates comments.

6
1

Yahoo! is! up! for! sale! – so! how! much! will! you! bid!?

FatGerman

Photos

Don't Yahoo! own Flickr? I'd be sad to see that go, it's a trillion times better than the hipster-oriented Instagram. And no way on earth am I going to hang around in the cesspit that is tumblr. But even Flickr has gone a bit moribund since Mayer took over at Yahoo!

1
0

Hey British coders: DevOps – you're doing it wrong

FatGerman

Re: Mark my words: ALL metrics are corruptible

I've never come across a metric that was useful, let alone incorruptible.

The biggest issue seems to be that the people who want metrics aren't actually sure what it is they're trying to measure, because measurement is an exact science and the things they want to measure are wishy-washy management bollocks like 'satisfaction' and 'performance'.

Metrics used to measure performance are the easiest to corrupt. All engineers know about booking time to projects so that they can do their job effectively while making management think their metrics work.

How about this. If loads of your engineers think you're a c*nt, you're doing a bad job. If your company is losing money, you're doing a bad job. That's about as accurate as it gets.

2
0

No tit for tat, or should that be tat for tit ... Women selling stuff on eBay get lower bids

FatGerman

Not real life

This appears to be the reverse of what happens in real life. I went into a shop to buy a cheap laptop but the pretty female sales assistant convinced me to buy a MacBook. Be interesting to see what happened to the eBay prices if the seller posted their "own" photo alongside the listing.

3
0

You've seen things people wouldn't believe – so tell us your programming horrors

FatGerman

Re: Nothing really nasty, but..

Back in the days of BBC Basic with procedures (PROC) I would regularly use PROCrastinate (do nothing for a bit) followed by PROCeed...

Variable names like 'BoredNow' and 'canIGoHomeYet' became staples of my working life.

My favourite was

char CisCrapAtHandlingStringsWhyCantIDoThisInPerl

If you can't have fun at work, do something else :)

2
0

Remember WordPress' Pingbacks? The W3C wants us to use them across the whole web

FatGerman

Yes the corporate web might disappear, but so can sites hosted by individuals. If I have a conversation on Facebook it's all in one place. With this system, rather than see a conversation all in one convenient place, the component parts of the conversation get spread out across the internet across sites hosted by various random individuals. So when one individual stops paying his ISP because he's got a life and bored of blogging, half the conversation disappears rendering any replies to his parts less than meaningless.

Say what you like about Facebook, but it's popular because it's convenient and easy. Pingbacks were only ever an ego boosting tool used to make you feel good that somebody referenced you. They never really got used for anything important because they didn't do the very thing you describe Twitter and Facebook as being good at - aggregating things. This seems to be exactly the same but with a different name.

They've rebadged it you fool.

6
0

Good thing this dev quit. I'd have fired him. Out of a cannon. Into the sun

FatGerman

Re: All code should be rewritten from scratch...

I agree but I'd go with 4 times.

Version 1 is bodged together with gaffer tape until I've figured out what the client actually wants it to do.

Version 2 is your version 1...

Some people would call my Version 1 the "requirements spec" but I usually find that people are much more enthusiastic about providing input if you actually give them something to play with and ask them to tell you why it's shit.

3
0

Coding is more important than Shakespeare, says VC living in self-contained universe

FatGerman

Re: Coding not important and pretty irrelevant

Abso-bloody-lutely. There are too many people with CS 'degrees' who appear to have been taught 'programming by numbers' - basically just bolting together stuff they read in textbooks but never innovating, never creating, just cranking a handle to churn out product.

Give me 6 months with one creative, intelligent thinker with no programming training and I'll teach him to be more useful than 10 of those drones. He'll also be more fun at the pub.

Education should be about critical thinking. Everything else flows from that.

3
0

Send tortuous stand-up ‘nine-thirty’ meetings back to the dark ages

FatGerman

Re: Inventive?

One of my proudest* achievements was the 30-minute presentation I did, to senior management at their request, on where we were inefficient in our processes. I had Powerpoint, and graphs, and pie charts and all the stuff the droids love. And using their own tools against them I was able to provide concrete evidence to support my final statement which was "In short, the reason I am inefficient is that management insist on measuring my efficiency".

My career stalled shortly after that, but it was worth it.

* proud in a work context, I'm more proud of anything I do outside of work including the dump I took this morning

14
0

T-Mobile USA’s BingeOn is a smash hit. So what now?

FatGerman

Re: "Throttling" is the "nice" word for it

"Yes, because the Internet is NOT designed that way (it's designed for robustness, NOT latency). If you need low-latency networking that badly, plunk down for your own specialized infrastructure the way we used to do it. That's why dedicated carriers like UPS have their own vehicle fleets, including airplanes, so they're not beholden to third-party couriers."

We're not talking about the internet. We're talking about the mobile network, which is T-Mobile's own infrastructure. The bandwidth problem exists there. They can't improve the technology, because it's 3G, or 4G, or whatever, so they have to make the best use of what the technology allows. And it's not necessarily low-latency that's required, just a connection that doesn't get interrupted by traffic that could be interrupted without the user even noticing.

1
0
FatGerman

Re: "Throttling" is the "nice" word for it

"It's simple. No picking winners. You handle all data equally, regardless of what anyone else says. If you run out of space, you split the difference evenly across all contenders. That's the only way to be fair, and if your data model doesn't like it, tough shakes and get in the queue. It's the ONLY way to be honestly fair."

Total utopian bollocks. In what world is it fair that my realtime-dependant streaming service should get the same priority as Johnny Nobend uploading pictures of his dinner to Facebook? Dumbly saying "hey man we're all the same" demonstrates a head-in-the-sand approach to solving a very complex technical problem. The Fair way is to analyse the way your customers use your service and come up with a solution that allocates bandwidth intelligently so that everyone receives *a good service* all the time. Which is what T-Mobile have done.

They understand they don't have enough bandwidth for everyone to stream all the video they want. They realise that that 'buffering' symbol is something nobody ever wants to see. So they've come up with something that reduces the amount of bandwidth required - by reducing the quality - and in return for opting in to the service they give something back - unlimited use. Everybody wins. Except that some people - users and providers - decide this is "unfair" and refuse to support the service, thus ruining it for everyone. Who's being unfair now?

1
0

Put your private parts on display if you want to keep earning a living

FatGerman

Re: Bah!

The money is making the decisions. And the money not only doesn't care about you, it actually thinks it would be better off without you, therefore to it you have absolutely no value as you can easily be replaced by a more efficient and obedient model.

1
0

Forget anonymity, we can remember you wholesale with machine intel, hackers warned

FatGerman

Re: Wrong lesson learned

Er... indentation and 'minifying' won't affect the compiled code one iota. To make your code look like somebody else's code you need to *think * like they do. (Insert reference to bad Client Eastwood movie 'Firefox' here).

When it comes to pasting stuff from StackOverflow (otherwise known as "I'm an incompetent freelancer, please do my job for me") - I doubt many malicious coders would go there. Cracking the problem is all the fun for them, and they tend to work alone and very idiosynchraticly. OTOH they're the people most likely to find a way to anonymise themselves against this type of analysis. Probably won't be long before we see 'GACC' (Gnu Anonymising C Compiler) appear....

1
0

Software engineer sobers up to deal with 2:00 AM trouble at mill

FatGerman
FAIL

When not on call

..divert anything not from your mates to voicemail. Do you people not know how phones work? Clearly your bosses do.

0
0

How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Star Wars Special Editions

FatGerman

Re: Correct order to watch the other films?

No, no, the correct order is

.. 5 ... pub

1
0
FatGerman

Re: Err, you got it wrong buddy

Totally. He's a *terrible* director. Doesn't understand pacing, editing, dialog, or even lighting. He had an idea about making The Magnificent Seven in Spaaaaaace and he's such a brilliant bullishit artist he convinced a studio to let him make it. Said studio then hired proper directors to make the sequels, which even fans agree were better. Lucas's main contribution to 20th century cinema is merchandising. Wow, thanks George.

3
0

Amazon Fire HD 8: Mid-spec Nokia Lumi... er, MediaTek slab

FatGerman

Sorry... what.. how may screens?

"Across the user interfaces 10 screens.."

Forgive me for running away like a scared native, but 10 screens? I struggle to cope with an iPhone that has 3 screens full of Apps. You've just described what for me is the 4th circle of hell. Fucking devices with their fucking apps and notifi-fucking-cations. Fuck off and let me sleep.

0
0

Apply online to go to Mars. No, seriously

FatGerman

Re: Only Americans?

There was a thing I saw recently that said "For the cost of 100 missiles we could put Tony Blair on Mars. For the cost of 200 missiles we could put Tony Blair on Mars and fire 100 missiles at him". Works for Trump too.

26
1
FatGerman

Only Americans?

Isn't that despicably racist? Wouldn't it be just brilliant if the first human on Mars was Syrian? Then Donald Trump would have a whole new class of immigrants to hate.

6
7

Microsoft to OneDrive users: We're sorry, click the magic link to keep your free storage

FatGerman

Re: "The company has done the right thing". Kindly explain in what way this is true? They've reneged on a deal. They've on'y decided to make good on it after 72,000 people complained, and apparently many people have not been informed of this.

Now I'm not a businessman. I don't know how to count beans so perhaps that's why to my mind the "right thing" would be to have stuck to the deal I originally agreed upon. Because surely doing what Microsoft have done here equates to "behaving like a bunch of dishonest c**ts"?

18
3

Adobe: We locked our customers in the cloud and out poured money

FatGerman

Re: Where are the GIMP fan boys?

GIMP isn't even a viable alternative to MS Paint. I know, I use it every bloody day.

5
4
FatGerman

Re: There is an alternative…

Completely this. As soon as Affinity make a Lightroom equivalent I'm off. I'm assuming they're working on one, they'd be mad not to.

I make money from Photography and Lightroom is part of my workflow (an essential part) but - and OK I haven't researched it much because it just sounded like a shit idea from the start but - RENTING the software I use for my business? And it not working when I'm not online? Are you MAD? Apparently so.

People have switched to creative cloud because they have no choice. When Lightroom 6 came out I searched for links to a 'Standalone' version, but despite finding links and following them I was never able to actually download a product. This is the point at which I would normally do my Dr Evil impression while saying "Another customer lost, Adobe", but given this news I'm sure they don't give a shit. What a wunch of bankers.

1
0

Spotify mulls Swift change of policy – we can stream Taylor, but we'll charge

FatGerman

Re: One day the millenials will ...

"However, years after you've settled down on your favourite music, favourite bands, and favourite tracks, you'll still be paying $10 a month to listen to them."

You sound as if you expect me to eventually find something I like and then stick to it without ever wanting to hear something new. Crikey that sounds boring. Music is a never-ending, ever growing playground of new stuff to listen to and like. And it's hardly channel flipping if I like spending time finding new bands and new albums to listen to - finding something new is as enjoyable as sitting back and savouring an old favourite, but it's also more exciting. That excitement I would definitely miss.

0
0
FatGerman

Re: One day the millenials will ...

Nothing to show for it? That's the typical fogey attitude that thinks paying for something is only worth it if it means acquiring property. Paying for subscriptions services means you get to enjoy the benefits they offer, such as a massive library of music on demand, new ways and means of discovering new music, no need to have a massive stack of shelves full of bits of plastic. What you have to "show for it" is many, many hours of listening to music wherever you are, sharing the new stuff you've found with whoever you're with. Back when I used to own CDs I'd easily spend more that $10 a month on music, and I've have to buy an entire album and then sometimes discover it was shite - that's wasted money. My $10 on Spotify gets me access to pretty much everything I ever want to listen to. It's a bargain.

I assume you don't pay subscriptions for anything? Sky TV? AA Membership? TV License? Broadband? Phone? Etc.. etc.. etc..

8
2

Entropy drought hits Raspberry Pi harvests, weakens SSH security

FatGerman

Bloody Hell

A 'random' number generator that relies on something called system entropy that may or may not be time dependant and may or may not depend on how much the user has wiggled the mouse is NO FUCKING USE TO ANYBODY. Fix the random number generator, don't blame the devs for holding it wrong.

0
0

Microsoft whips out PowerApps – now your Pointy Haired Boss can write software, too!

FatGerman

Actually, this looks great. The PHBs can build and maintain the shit they want - that generates the meaningless pie charts they love from the unreliable and unverifiable data they demand - and leave the actual important work to the people who know what they're doing. I can see a future where businesses run in a completely smooth two-tier system, where management generate their own software to produce the pointless reports they need to make themselves look good while the people who do the actual work are left to get on with it unhindered. I might actually be tempted back into the industry.

6
1

Page:

Forums