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* Posts by FartingHippo

651 posts • joined 10 Feb 2012

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Wikipedia doesn't need your money - so why does it keep pestering you?

FartingHippo
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Coat

"I wonder how they resolved it"

Their HQ is now in Bermuda, on a large yacht anchored just off the beach.

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FartingHippo
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Stop

"so why does it keep pestering you"

As far as I can make out, anyone of importance on Wikipedia is either a d*ck or an ar*ehole.

I'm sorry to be so crude, but my limited interaction there (and any perusal of the admin boards) bears this out in spades. It one of the few places a sociopath or other dysfunctional soul can get their hands on power and influence just by being who they are.

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Information teleportation goes large-scale

FartingHippo
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Mushroom

Re: I thought I was smart till I read this

Jet packs, JET PACKS, JET PACKS!! Why do people always forget about the *'#?ing jet packs!

Priority. Number. ONE.

Ahem. I think I need to get our more.

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Naked Scarlett Johansson pic snatch bloke gets 10 YEARS

FartingHippo
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Alien

Also...

...how to take a shower very, very quickly.

<<< His face after taking a shower too slowly.

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Coming soon to a theme park near you: Shocking ANTI-PIRACY NAG ADS

FartingHippo
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Alert

"Dog and pony show" ... "Steak pie arrived without any meat in it"

Probably for the best, given the likely source of the meat.

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Next IPCC climate assessment due 2014 now everywhere online

FartingHippo
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Unhappy

"Thus the IPCC appears to be designed for a bygone age."

And yet my energy bill and flight costs make me want to weep, and are likely to do so for the foreseeable future.

It's all Nick Clegg's fault (this is a facetious comment, so calm down, lentil-eating sandalistas).

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Dragons' Den badboy's biz Expansys is soaked in red

FartingHippo
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Trollface

Re: Ahahah...

So ... you're a loyal customer then?

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Shiny new UK.gov stats website a 'disaster' - MPs

FartingHippo
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FAIL

New Government Site is Shit Shocker

Is it Groundhog Day already?

(although it's the first new site in a while not to fall over 5 minutes after going live - which is a pretty piss-poor measure of success)

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Feds smash international cybercrime ring with Power of Facebook

FartingHippo
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Black Helicopters

$850 meeeeeelion!!!!

F*ck me. Who said crime didn't pay.

And I bet they only recover a teeny weeny proportion of the cash. Someone, somewhere, probably on a private island with a volcano and a diminutive manservant, is very happy indeed.

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UN's 'bid to wrestle control of internet' stalled by asterisk

FartingHippo
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Angel

'bid to wrestle control of internet' stalled by asterisk

Good old Getafix and his magic potion.

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Stephen Hawking gets $3m physics prize from Mail.ru tycoon

FartingHippo
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@Neil B

'Course it's not "real science". No airships, no robots, no doomsday devices, no jet packs.

Hawking is of no use whatsoever in the field of mad real science.

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Apple's iOS 6 maps STILL muddle Mildura

FartingHippo
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Happy

Ah, Google

Any sensible company would be at Google's gate, cap in hand, asking for those nice maps back, pretty please. However, I think Tim Cook would rather burn the company to the ground before doing that.

I'd love to be a fly on the wall of the chocolate factory's mapping department. They must be loving this.

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2020AD: Space tourists will be FOUND ON MOON

FartingHippo
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Stop

Answers

1) Consulting the world? I was unaware the moon sported a thriving ecosystem, or that the rocket would be chock full of diamonds on the return journey. I thought it was a boring dusty place. It's not like the mission is setting up a mining colony (although that would be cool).

2) Financial issues/technical issues? Fair enough.

3) Not safe? Please sign this waiver after signing your cheque. Or sign them the other way around, we're pretty relaxed about that.

4) Political issues? Given the mess the Chinese and Russians make of their own back yard, I can't see them giving a rat's ass about some dusty footprints on the moon. If they manage to get your Russian billionaire that close to the Apollo 11 landing site, then fair play, but by then it's much too late for the 'merkins to get all huffy.

5) Things will go wrong? No sh*t Sherlock. You pays your money and you takes your chance.

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'Facebook is completely undreamt of even by the worst spying nation'

FartingHippo
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Alert

Paleolithic gag

"I've tried turning the computer screen to face the printer, but the computer can't see the printer."

That one's been around since god was a teenager.

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Latest Call of Duty sequel shoots past Avatar sales benchmark

FartingHippo
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Megaphone

Re: Ok, that shows that

The unwashed masses are clearly less discerning that your good self.

Personally, I'd rather watch Thor than The Artist any day of the week, pleb that I am.

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2013: No sign of flying cars, but Orange mobes will get black ice

FartingHippo
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Boffin

Black ice?

My fuzzy 80's memory tells me that Gibson used (coined?) the term 'black ice' for illegal software that could KILL YOU. It caused some sort of lethal neural feedback through your head jack.

This is no more black ice than a spud gun is a howitzer.

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Brr, feeling cold? Galaxy is home to plenty of WARMER Earth twins

FartingHippo
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Pint

Now I get it!!

The reason we've never seen aliens is that, instead of building interstellar craft utilising esoteric drive technology, they're all chillin' on the beach with an ice cold alien beer.

Fair play, alien dudes, fair play.

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Adobe demands 7,000 years a day from humankind

FartingHippo
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Angel

Re: Good article

Lost? Pfff. Those are years of enlightenment.

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Voyager 1 arrives on ‘magnetic highway for charged particles’

FartingHippo
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Alien

They're suppressing the data!

If you speed up the changes in the magnetic flux, then play it backwards, you get rickrolled. The pandimensional overlords of the universe are a bit behind the times, joke-wise, but you'd be a fool to point that out.

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Home Sec: Let us have Snoop Charter or PEOPLE WILL DIE

FartingHippo
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Holmes

Re: Thoughtcrime

Yes, but they seem to have caught the 'mummy knows best' mentality from the last lot.

A few brave souls have stuck to their principles (David Davis) and have been labelled 'courageous' i.e. 'you're on your own, sunshine' by the party leaders.

At least ID cards have stayed dead.

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Children increasingly named after Apple products

FartingHippo
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Devil

Xbox

Surely an intriguing name for any girl, especially one with an unusually shaped piece of their anatomy...

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Who's using 'password' as a password? TOO MANY OF YOU

FartingHippo
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Holmes

The first person (apart from me)...

...to mention Horses, Batteries, or Staples should get a special "obvious post of the day" badge.

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Ready for ANOTHER patent war? Apple 'invents' wireless charging

FartingHippo
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Stop

Way out of this

You know, if Samsung and HTC diverted some resources into properly manning the US Patent Office, and manning it clueful people, they'd be quids-in over the long term.

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Staples to offer in-store full color 3D printing service

FartingHippo
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Boffin

Re: This is a handy service for all sections of the community to use!

1. "Gimp", not "Slave"

2. A paper ball gag will not last long, unless you plan out making your gimp eat it

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MONSTER QUASAR BLAST blows stunned astro boffins' WIGS OFF

FartingHippo
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Coat

Yeah, well my quasar kicks your quasars ass in gamma ray output.

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'Microsoft to make its own Surface phones' - mutterings

FartingHippo
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Thumb Up

Yay!

I hope the new phones come with Clippy, everyone's favourite little metallic friend.

My productivity at work has plummeted since he was decommissioned. Although the internet might have had something to do with that.

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Android seven-inchers swipe rug from under Apple

FartingHippo
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Mushroom

Does it matter?

Of course it does. Any market dominated by a single player is bad for consumers, and bad for innovation.

Seems to be good for patents, though...

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Android users: More of them than fanbois, but they don't use the web

FartingHippo
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Boffin

Simples

Android users are smart enough to use Wifi.

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Pong creator turns nose up at Nintendo Wii U

FartingHippo
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Holmes

Re: Atari?

Yeah, he sold the Atari business for $26m to Warner in 1976 (and that's when $26m was worth something). He got booted out a few years later after falling out with the new owners.

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Mall lurk man: Apple smashes Microsoft in Black Friday fondle wars

FartingHippo
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Devil

Obvious, innit. Why do you think Mother Nature gave us TWO eyes.

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10,000 cities, 1 salesman, 6 nodes: It's LittleFe cluster CRUNCH TIME

FartingHippo
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Megaphone

Salesman conference

He could make all the sales meetings with zero travel if someone came up with a videoconferencing system that wasn't UTTER F*CKING B*LLOCKS.

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Convert your iPad into a foosball table and relive the dot-com days

FartingHippo
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Pint

Must...buy...iPad...

This is to the iPad what Halo is to the xbox, Uncharted is to the PS3, and Mario is to the Wii.

Probably.

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BlackBerry 10: AWESOME. If the hardware matches it, RIM jobs are safe

FartingHippo
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Alert

It would be the greatest comeback since Lazarus

RIP Sid Waddell.

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Pirate cops bust LITTLE GIRL, take her Winnie-the-Pooh laptop

FartingHippo
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Stop

@AC 13:39

I wasn't trying to suggest that piracy is good, but that learning that people can track what you're viewing, who you're talking to, and what you're saying is a very important lesson. This applies to ill thought out comments on Facebook or political criticism on another forum, both of which are real issues which can severely impact a young person's life and happiness.

When people can search your house on the grounds you tried and failed to download £1-worth of music in Finland - a relatively liberal country - the implications for less enlightened regimes comes sharply into focus.

For the record I think piracy is wrong. I also think that enabling something is a long, long way from doing it.

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FartingHippo
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Big Brother

On the upside...

This sort of thing will hopefully motivate millions of kids to:

a. understand the importance of online privacy

b. research and implement online anonymity.

Which, in my view, would be a very, very good thing.

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Sailboat cracks 100 km/h for first time

FartingHippo
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Go

French sail-powered hydrofoil known as the ‘Hydroptère’

While we have now beaten the French (hurrah, three cheers for blighty, etc), the Hydroptère is a truly beautiful piece of engineering, much prettier than Sailrocket 2. And a proper ocean-going vessel to boot.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GQ-gdqo35os

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Judge to Apple: You WILL tell Samsung what you got from HTC

FartingHippo
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Devil

Good news

We might see a sensible settlement.

After which I'm sure Apple and Samsung will kiss and make up, hold hands, and skip off happily into the sunset together.

Oh look, a porcine aviator...

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Patent suit targets Formlabs and Kickstarter

FartingHippo
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Unhappy

Speaking of Kickstarter

Apologies - this is tangentially on-topic at best.

I see that funding of the new Elite game has ground to a halt. This rather comical chart on Kicktraq tells the story (ignore Kicktraq forecasts, they're useless unless you have smooth income. I'd guess they're going to come in well south of a million, meaning nothing happens.

Real shame, mostly because of the daft prices (£30 for a PC game on Kickstarter, delivered who-knows when?! £15 just to reserve your commanders name!). Bitten by their own greed, sadly. Shame, shame, shame.

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AARGH! We're ALL DOOMED, bellows UN - right on schedule

FartingHippo
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Alert

Sorry, third world, you need to STAY POOR

Seems jolly unfair to suggest that developing countries should stop their industrialisation, and the third world should stay undeveloped, just so the west can retain their standard of living.

'Cos realistically that's the only way CO2 production is going to stabilise and fall. Not going to happen, is it...

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Quantum crypto - with nothing more than STANDARD broadband fibre

FartingHippo
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Holmes

Re: Needs more work

"it would seem more work is needed before this actually turns into a useful technology"

Well that wins the "No Sh*t Sherlock" award for the day. You'd have scoffed at the Wright Brothers too, I'd imagine.

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Swedish woman cuffed for sex with skeleton SHOCKER

FartingHippo
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Pirate

So...

Which end of the femur did she use? Inquiring minds need to know.

(and seriously, am I really the first to use this icon? poor show, commentards)

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Glorious silicon globes could hold key to elusive PERFECT kilogram

FartingHippo
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Headmaster

Re: It's a kg!

kg not Kg; K is for Kelvin

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Petraeus appeal: STOP BUBBA the Love Sponge FRYING a KORAN

FartingHippo
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Re: It gets weirder...

Bubba the Love Sponge released the tape, that is. Not Petraeus.

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FartingHippo
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It gets weirder...

He was the one who released the Hulk Hogan sex tape. He left Hogan and his wife after sanctioning the tryst, but failed to tell either of them about the camera.

We need a "Twilight Zone" icon.

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Apple said to have let the name of the next OS X cat out of the bag

FartingHippo
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Headmaster

Re: Surely ...

Clouded Leopard, I think you meant. But admittedly that's not as funny.

Most beautifully patterned cat there is, IMHO.

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John McAfee blogs for help, offers $25K reward for neighbour's killer

FartingHippo
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Black Helicopters

He has a brain virus

You don't need crappy antivirus software to work that out.

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Galapagos islands bombed with 22 tonnes of Blue Death Cornflakes

FartingHippo
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Black Helicopters

Madness I tell you

Sounds like the perfect way to breed a poison-tolerant rat.

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Power to the people - if you can find a spare socket

FartingHippo
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Stop

Re: USB

And wait four times as long as it takes a proper charger to do the job?!

I think not.

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