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* Posts by FartingHippo

634 posts • joined 10 Feb 2012

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Voracious alien flatworm hits French in the escargots

FartingHippo
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Boffin

Flatworm

Doesn't look especially flat.

F*cking horrible, yes, but not especially flat. A flattish worm?

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Massive new AIRSHIP to enter commercial service at British dirigible base

FartingHippo
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Black Helicopters

Ukraine

Putin's actions in Ukraine could well see a sharp reversal in US military spending. It's just the thing the hawks have been waiting for.

So, the LEMV may be resuscitated yet. I can't see it making it as a commercial offering without a military option.- too "different" to shift units to a world of conservative buyers without the USA guaranteeing spares and support for the next 30 years.

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LG offers BRAIN-SAVING CANCER-BL... er 'good luck charms'

FartingHippo
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Trollface

Re: Finally save

Or that an iPhone makes you cool.

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Samsung and Apple BEWARE: Huawei is coming to eat your lunch

FartingHippo
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Headmaster

Pronouciation

"he name itself is hard to pronounce for Anglophones - most English-speakers say "Hu-Wah-Way" but even that isn't quite correct."

You tease, you. So how do you say it?

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Enterprising French chap cranks up €100k 'flying car'

FartingHippo
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Megaphone

Aaaaargghhh, my eeeeeeears!!

Wish they'd spent some of that cash on a decent soundtrack for the video.

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We nearly MISSED OUT on iOS7 redesign: But someone snatched Jony Ive from the jaws of quit

FartingHippo
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Alien

Re: Reliant Robin?

They were awesome for pulling wheelies though, with the seat right over the back wheel!

The icon shows the AC's face after a nadger/gear stick collision

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Fandroids get their very own PERVY SMUT browser

FartingHippo
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Paris Hilton

Dolphin

Dolphin + Jet Pack is your friend, and has good privacy features too.

Or so I've been told.

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Samsung flings sueball at Dyson for 'intolerable' IP copycat claim

FartingHippo
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Coat

Re: but...

I still can't believe they have a range of Dyson Ball cleaners, when Dyson Sphere would have guaranteed a sale to me at least!

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PayPal 'n' Google's FIDO drops 'simpler, stronger' secure login spec

FartingHippo
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Holmes

Re: The thing that's wrong with passwords

Smug much?

99% of people (and I'd guess 80% of El Reg readers) favour short, easily remembered passwords because speed and usability trumps online security in their minds, every time. Ok, they might get ripped off, but their perception of that risk means it going to keep happening whether you or anyone else likes it or not. And when they get ripped off, YOU pay, despite your 15-character passwords, through higher insurance costs, or bank charges, or interest rates, or access to credit, or the price of goods.

So you're actually right in one respect: the thing that's wrong with passwords is the people who use them. But a heightened awareness and use of security in a tiny minority is never going to fix that; FIDO just might.

But you're still a smug git.

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Baby's got the bends: LG's D958 G Flex Android smartie

FartingHippo
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Coat

I foresee a problem

If you try and throw this phone away, there's a good chance it will come straight back.

Should sell well in Australia though.

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Bangable poster firm Novalia makes printed 'leccy keyboard

FartingHippo
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Coat

Cats

Why are there two cats on each of the circuit boards / pieces of paper?

"I haz printed electronics" is soooo 2007.

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Turkish president mulls $4.5bn Apple fondleslab school deal

FartingHippo
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Headmaster

If you must...

...then please buy them each an Android tablet. They'll learn just as much (and probably more, as the more open device provides more opportunities for exploration and understanding) and you'll still have a couple of billion dollars to improve the rest of the education system.

A no-brainer in my world.

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NSA, GCHQ, accused of hacking Belgian smartcard crypto guru

FartingHippo
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Black Helicopters

Re: Damn!

Yes. Hide.

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Devs: We'll bury Candy Crush King under HEAPS of candy apps

FartingHippo
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Devil

Suck on my Big Chocolate Salted Candy Balls.

(c) Chef.

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Toshiba twirls its HAMR, ponders whether to smash spinning rust

FartingHippo
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Windows

"Enterprise (SAS and nearline SAS) at 1.44"

Good to see the number 1.44 making a reappearance in the disk world.

*wipes nostalgic tear from eye*

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IBM reveals radical email interface rethink

FartingHippo
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Boffin

Re: Notes

No. That team was taken to Antarctica, locked in a vault, which was then sealed in concrete, which was then dropped down a borehole into a subterranean sea. The borehole was then explosively collapsed and the whole Plateau sealed under six metres of superglue filled with landmines and anthrax spores.

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Behold the world's first full-colour 3D printer

FartingHippo
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Alien

Re: Rubber like parts.

If not, there's a lot of Avatar fanbois/girls out there would love something in blue.

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The Mac at 30: Hardware and software wars – again and again and ...

FartingHippo
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Devil

You're either a programmer or hardware engineer. And you clearly have a boss with pointy hair.

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'Netflix bitch': CEO of vid-streaming site taunts HBO chief over results

FartingHippo
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Stop

Re: They are doing good so far

Stop this common sense nonsense forthwith.

The only way forward is for content makers to have a separate, exclusive contract with one streaming supplier, this ensuring that the customer must have subscriptions to all services or miss out on a heap of stuff.

Regards,

Netflix, Lovefilm, and HBO Management

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Apple-aligned firm opens sapphire glass factory. iPhone 6 rumours, DEPLOY

FartingHippo
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Facepalm

Re: sapphire glass scratches ?

"Rather have watch with plastic glass that can be restored using Brasso or T Cut."

And you want a Casio because it has "more functions" than a Patek Philippe. Each to their own, I suppose...

[and you can buy high-end watches which are 50 year's old which still have glass/sapphire which is almost perfect. do you go rock-climbing with your watch or something?]

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Pregnant? Celebrate your proudest moment ... by 3D-printing a copy of the foetus

FartingHippo
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Re: Smile?

Sucker.

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FartingHippo
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Holmes

Smile?

I'm pretty sure fetuses don't smile. I'm also pretty sure that every model sent out is smiling.

In fact a cynic might suggest that they knocked up five models to cover the broad ethnic groups, and simply choose the closest to the picture they get. Four shades of brown should cover any issue of skin tone, and bob's your uncle! Let's start making money off these saps...

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Five UK banks sign up to hook up customers' ACCOUNTS to their MOBILE DEVICES

FartingHippo
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Thumb Down

Re: £50

Congrats. Must have been challenging to crowbar a rant about green taxes/subsidies into an article about payment systems.

I bet you feel all warm and special now.

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FartingHippo
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Trollface

Re: Hmmm...

Wuss

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Audiophiles: These Wi-Fi speakers have a stereo drift of less than 25μs – good enough for you?

FartingHippo
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Coat

Re: Caskeid – pronounced "cascade"

Some pretentious kuntt(TM), that's for sure.

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Tech titan Bill Gates: Polio-free India one of the 'most impressive accomplishments' ever

FartingHippo
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@JDX

Assuming you're not trying to be a smart-arse:

1. Immunisations are not 100% effective

2. There are some people who can't be immunised (often related to other serious health issues which are not improved by a dose of measles)

3. Children often have infant siblings who are there at pick-up/drop-off and who are too young to be immunised and are also very vulnerable

4. It sends a very clear message of the expectations of society

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FartingHippo
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Re: Mumps!

And, no, homeopathy-lovers, I am not a "shill" for "big pharma"', nor am I interested in your pathetic anecdote or discredited study.

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FartingHippo
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Megaphone

Re: Mumps!

Fools.

Ignorant, selfish, fools who are fucking up herd immunity for the rest of us, as well as putting their own children at risk. Universities, schools and nurseries should exclude anyone without the recommended vaccinations (unless there's a genuine medical reason for it).

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Think your brilliant app idea will earn some big bucks? HAH. You fool

FartingHippo
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Paris Hilton

Re: Fewer than 0.01% of apps will be a financial success

Whole-heartedly agree.

But how to achieve that? Any entity with responsibilities for rejecting apps on the basis of "being either flotsam or jetsam" would be the target of a bazillion lawsuits in very short order.

Paris doesn't know how to fix it either.

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Light, fast ... and pricey: Toshiba's Portégé Z30 – now THIS is an Ultrabook

FartingHippo
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Re: Think I still prefer my vaio pro

£950? Not with an i7 it's not.

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Boffins claim battery BREAKTHROUGH – with rhubarb-like molecule

FartingHippo
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Roobarb

The flow battery sounds like the sort of gizmo our animated hero would knock up in his shed.

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Samsung: Ta-da! We made $7.8bn. What do you mean you expected another BILLION?

FartingHippo
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Boffin

$7.8bn

$7.8 BEEELION, surely.

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I've seen the future of car radio - and DAB isn't in it

FartingHippo
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Megaphone

How much!

I said HOW MUCH!!!!

[yeah, I know costs will fall, and will be a lot lower on a Ford or Toyota, but that's seriously overpriced).

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UNREAL, dude: Nvidia uncloaks Tegra K1 graphics monster for your mobile ... and CAR

FartingHippo
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Alien

Crop Circle

Fair play on the circle. An awful lot of thought went into the design, and the execution was pretty damned slick too.

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Parents can hide abortion, contraception advice from kids, thanks to BT's SEX-ED web block

FartingHippo
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Trollface

I'm amazed this has gone wrong so quickly

Only kidding.

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Sega’s Out Run: Even better than the wheel thing

FartingHippo
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Re: Memories...

There were dip switches you could use to set the time added at each check point. Our local arcade owner was a gold-plated c**t who set it so it was virtually impossible to finish and hence the games played per hour was higher.

It was still a busy machine despite the evil difficulty level.

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BT network-level STOCKINGs-n-suspenders KILLER arrives in time for Xmas

FartingHippo
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Re: Don't worry.

About as much chance as Canute had, I'd say.

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Fisher-Price in hot seat: iPad bouncy chair lets APPLE BABYSIT tots – parents

FartingHippo
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Boffin

It's called a 'crate'.

That bit at the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark? Actually a giant kindergarten.

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Shivering boffins nail Earth's coldest spot

FartingHippo
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Coat

Pfff. Slightly chilly at best.

My wife can made our living room much colder than that with a single stare if (ok, when) I forget an anniversary. Then I get to stay there and sleep on the sofa. Brrrrr. Parky.

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Boffins devise world's HARDEST tongue-twister

FartingHippo
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Coat

Re: But the real prize goes to ...

Presumably best friends with Dr Michael Hfuhruhurr and Miss Anne Uumellmahaye.

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On the matter of shooting down Amazon delivery drones with shotguns

FartingHippo
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Boffin

Re: Guns won't work, so let's look at alternatives...

Trebuchet firing a net made from wire, with perimeter weighted with something heavy and with small cross-section. Would need some sort of guide to impart spin as it was launched.

Also, the whole assembly would need mounting on a turntable.

Or, alternatively, use this new pulse weapon. This actually looks perfect for the task in hand, assuming a little more range could be squeezed out.

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What is thy bidding? Han Solo’s shooter goes under the hammer

FartingHippo
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Thumb Up

Excellent timing

As I was just about to renew my mortgage.

Now, do I tell the wife?

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Chester Cathedral smites net in Wi-Fi SMUT OUTRAGE

FartingHippo
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Alert

Would nun porn be ok?

Can't think of a more appropriate place to watch it.

Or does the reformation mean that's even worse then normal porn?

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Microsoft wields turkey knife, slices Surface to $199 for Black Friday

FartingHippo
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Trollface

Re: meh

Amazon are having a fire sale. Kindle File HD only £99!

ThankyouverymuchImhereallweek.

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Boffins release 44-MEEELLION-star Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy

FartingHippo
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Alien

Changing brightness

Well, duh. Always going to happen with all those Dyson spheres being built.

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Dixons selling £68k gold, diamond, ruby and sapphire iPhone for Xmas

FartingHippo
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Boffin

Obvioulsy not a jeweler

"300 22 and a half carat VVS1 diamonds - the clearest ones know [sic] to humanity"

1. VVS1 - very very small internal inclusions. Internally flawless (IF) and flawless (F) are both better grades.

2. A half carat VVS1 of a reasonable colour (D to G say) would set you back a grand plus. I suspect that there are 22 and a half carats in total.

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New exploding whale vid once again shows true porpoise of internet

FartingHippo
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So very, very close to immortality

If Mr Orange had been standing 1 meter to the right he would have become an INTERNET LEGEND, and not just a character in another amusing video.

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Adorable, much-loved SEAHORSES are VICIOUS SLURPING KILLERS

FartingHippo
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Happy

Isn't nature amazing?

That is all.

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Hooters, shooters and looters: Eidos’s Tomb Raider

FartingHippo
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Happy

T-Rex

I almost shat myself when it appeared on TR1. I'd never seen anything like it before.

100% awesomeness.

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