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* Posts by FartingHippo

634 posts • joined 10 Feb 2012

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Phab-u-less: Huge MONSTER iPhone 6 not due until 2015 – claim

FartingHippo
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Trollface

Re: I for one

Small hands, huh? Poor Mrs 10.

I love my Galaxy Note. Fits my hand perfectly :)

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LG unfurls flexible SEE-THROUGH 18-inch display

FartingHippo
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Paris Hilton

Re: If I had a semi-transaprent display

My brain had a little wobble when I read: "If I had a semi".

I need to get out more :(

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Thought PCs were in the toilet? They're STILL eating Apple's lunch

FartingHippo
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Boffin

Re: So...

To be fair, most people who can count to 20 without taking off their socks would consider it growth.

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Catch cack-handed baggage handlers in the act with Ericsson's SPY SUITCASE

FartingHippo
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Trollface

Re: Ericsson has the patents on this one.

So I stick the same thing in a golf bag or a sousaphone case and it's $$$$ and a private carribean island?

<Mr Burns>Excellent!</Mr Burns>

Troll 'cos, you know, patents.

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Drone's drug airdrop mission ends in failure for Irish prisoners

FartingHippo
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Devil

Re: Define "drone"

What, may I ask, is wrong with "robocopter" and "robojet"? Is this or is this not the 21st Century? Hmm?

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Google Glass gets 2GB of RAM. Think about this. Two gigs of RAM

FartingHippo
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Windows

When I were a lad we had to make do with scratching ones and zeros on the wall. We upgraded from a 16k wall to a 32k wall by moving to a larger house. Deleting old files took ages as we had to wait for the plaster to dry before we could write new ones.

Kids today don't know they're born, etc.

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Rejoice, Australia! SBS trials SOCCER AND SEX on ONE SCREEN tech

FartingHippo
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Paris Hilton

Re: SBS shows far more sex than the more timid commercial broadcasters

Hedges. They're everywhere, and for some reason often they often sport a two-year-old, damp copy of Razzle.

[Yeah, I know it's not true anymore. But leave me with my rose-tinted spectacles for a while, will you.]

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Move over, John Pilger, let us IT scandal-mongerers stick it to you

FartingHippo
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Coat

Re: Euphemistic musings

Just be glad he kept his Baffing Spoon in the bag.

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Texan parks quadcopter atop Dallas Cowboys stadium

FartingHippo
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FAIL

20m max altitude?

If that video is meant to be from the quadcopter in question, then I call bullsh1t. Some of those shots are from waaaaay higher than that - 100m plus to my eyes.

EDIT: the dome is 91m tall. Nuff sed.

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DOCX disaster recovery: How I rescued my wife from XM-HELL

FartingHippo
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Stop

Re: With apologies to Ray Parker, Jr.

That's deep in the uncanny valley of humour.

So bad it's not funny, but not quite bad enough to be funny for the badness itself.

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DARPA crazytech crew want to create HUMAN-FREE cyber defence systems

FartingHippo
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Terminator

Great idea

After all, what could possibly go wrong -->

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Brunner does a runner: Beats designer must hand the brand to Apple

FartingHippo
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Coat

Good name for Apple to acquire

After all, your average fanboi Beats furiously over every new iThing...

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SpaceX 'Dragon V2' ROCKET PODULE can hover-land on Earth - or MARS

FartingHippo
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Pint

Re: "My heart would be a fireball...!"

Er. That's quite uncanny. Good spot, that man.

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TrueCrypt turmoil latest: Bruce Schneier reveals what he'll use instead

FartingHippo
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Black Helicopters

Alternative explanation

This is a plot by a joint NSA/GCHQ task force to move people onto less secure solutions with nice backdoors.

That's why I only use paper to encrypt my sensitive data using a one-time pad which I hide in a pet's body cavity.

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Peak thumb drive is coming in 2016

FartingHippo
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Boffin

Re: Never mind all that...

The big problems arrive at Peak Trough (or is that Trough Peak?).

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FartingHippo
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Thumb Up

Re: Thumb drive

It's nice to know I'm not alone in thinking that. "Memory stick" is a much better and more descriptive name.

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IBM accidentally invents new class of polymers

FartingHippo
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Boffin

Re: solvent...

Nope, you could take a bath in pH 2 acid and be ok (rubbing in the eyes not recommended).

For example, lemons and vinegar are about that acidic, and my chips never seem to end up as a pool of sludge...

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Urinating teen polluted 57 Olympic-sized swimming pools - cops

FartingHippo
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Boffin

Here comes the science bit

Well, the maths bit, anyway.

Taking an average pee as about a pint (the approx frequency of toilet visits is once per pint, following the breaking of the seal), which we approximate as 0.5 litres.

Taking the volume of drinking water as 38,000,000 US Gallons (as the volume was reported by a Merkin agency), this equates to 143,850,000 litres.

Dividing one by the other gives us 0.0035 parts per million, or just over 3 parts per billion. Now, I suspect that 3 parts per billion of anthrax spores would actually be safe to drink, so emptying the whole lot seems a smidgeon OTT.

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Boffins search for dark matter in abandoned Australian mine

FartingHippo
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Paris Hilton

Re: Wrong place.

You need to think about where you'd look last, then look there first. It'll save you hours of frustration.

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Brit chap weaves silver bullet for wireless health scare bollocks

FartingHippo
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Holmes

Good luck, fella!

I can't see much wrong with making money from gullible idiots.

Also, he could sell it to concerned hill-walkers and antenna engineers. It would surely redirect any lightning strike around the sensitive area and therefore stop your testicles behaving like two eggs in a microwave.

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Samsung will ... sigh ... appeal $119m Apple patent verdict

FartingHippo
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Boffin

Re: Sounds smart to me

"They're kind of obliged, really. If the appeal costs less than $119M, they owe it to their shareholders to do so."

Not really. If they assess the chance of winning at 100% then they should spend up to $119m. If they assess the change as just 10% then spending $11.9m would be the rational thing to do.

Oh, dear, I just used the word 'rational' about these ego-driven lawsuits. *sidles off in shame*

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Lost treasure of Atari REVEALED

FartingHippo
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Coat

Raiders of the Lost Cart

Excavation in the desert? Check.

Relic of previous era? Check.

Relic has potential for great evil (those f*cking pits)? Check.

Shut your eyes, Marion. Don't look at it, no matter what happens!

Duh. duh, duh-duh, duh-duh-duh. Etc.

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Feast your PUNY eyes on highest resolution phone display EVER

FartingHippo
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Boffin

Re: Highest?

You underestimate the power of marketing over common sense!

As has been mentioned on El Reg before, time and effort would be much better spent improving video compression to handle movement better.

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Discovery time for 200m WONDER MATERIALS shaved from 4 MILLENNIA... to 4 years

FartingHippo
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Go

Re: Remember to wear knickers

That would make the VIP arrivals at the Oscars a must-see. Mmm, Mila Kunis. [Judy Dench, not so much]

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NASA to unsheath GIANT ASTEROID SPACE PROBE

FartingHippo
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Mushroom

War!

Given the way the world seems to be going, it will probably 'malfunction' and drop the asteroid on the Kremlin.

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SPACE RACE auction: $130k raised for spacesuits, Apollo 11 kit

FartingHippo
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Alert

Mistaken priorities

One Mercury spacesuit: $43,000

One small china teacup: $36,000,000

I mean, WTF is wrong with people?

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'Yahoo! Breaks! Every! Mailing! List! In! The! World!' says email guru

FartingHippo
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Mushroom

Yahoo shmahoo

Yahoo has turned it's once-decent email system into a raging clusterf*ck. Massive steps backwards in useability, a large number of accounts suffering vanishing mails, and now this pathetic state of affairs.

Have they come to the conclusion that email just doesn't pay?

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Bendy or barmy: Why your next TV will be curved

FartingHippo
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Coat

Re: Yeah, right

Be an easy sell to Obama, though. You know, the chap with the cornerless office.

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Rumour: Next Apple iThing to feature 65-inch screen. Four-limb multitouch, anyone?

FartingHippo
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Trollface

Re: It's just a 4k screen

iZombies, like normal zombies, are in serious need of some brains.

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Titanfall pits man against machine, Kiefer Sutherland Snakes into Metal Gear Solid V

FartingHippo
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Thumb Up

Exactly. Plus, there's less teabagging.

Mr Article Writer: stop projecting your own views on to the rest of us, thank you very much.

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BEHOLD the HOLY GRAIL of TECH: The REVERSIBLE USB plug

FartingHippo
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Mushroom

Blackberry Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

One of the most irritating things about my Blackberry (it's not a short list), was that unlike every other manufacturer on the planet they put the USB symbol on the bottom of the plug, and the Blackberry symbol on the top.

I forgot about this 'feature' regularly, due to using several chargers, most of which were generic and sensibly labelled. P1ssed me off each and every time I inspected the plug, selected the 'right' orientation, and tried/failed to insert.

So simple to avoid and, to me, it utterly typified the company's decline. I no longer have a Blackberry.

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Hobbyist or hardcore? StarTech dual-bay Thunderbolt enclosure

FartingHippo
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Alert

Ugh

As I understand it, your stereotypical fanboi places a great deal of emphasis on design and aesthetics.

Why, then, would he (or she) want to purchase that plug-ugly thing. It looks like a GCSE metalwork project; Grade C; borderline pass.

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Boffins make noise about D-Wave chip: it seems quantum

FartingHippo
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Angel

If you just want a hover board, then a boring old finite improbability drive would do. But why would you want a hover board when you can use it to break the ice at parties by making all the molecules in the hostess's undergarments leap simultaneously one foot to the left?

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Hey, Michael Lewis: Stop DEMONISING Wall Street’s SUPERHUMAN high-speed trading

FartingHippo
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Stop

@theotherhobbes

"the one that everyone saw coming except the markets" - Lucky thing. You must have retired on all the profit you made.

--

"Just how stupid does this person think we are?" - I'm sure he's just revised that opinion down.

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El Reg's Deep Outback XP upgrade almost foiled by KILLER ARACHNIDS

FartingHippo
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Paris Hilton

Re: Just to be pedantic

Ah. Deadly venom is neither a poison, nor poisonous. Got it.

Also, learn to spell poisonous. As a Grammar Nazi, you're in the 'Allo 'Allo! league.

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Newsnight goes sour on Tech City miracle

FartingHippo
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Facepalm

Big Mistake, Andrew

The picture was one thing, but after this article there's NO WAY you're getting a Christmas card from her now.

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No, Minister. You CAN'T de-Kindle your eBooks!

FartingHippo
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Paris Hilton

Re: Unconstitutional

No constitution? Is that even constitutional?

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NASA: Vote now to put FLASHY LIGHTS on future spacesuits

FartingHippo
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Facepalm

Nice suit

Shame there's no way to get it into orbit.

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Middle England's allotments become metric battlefield

FartingHippo
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Headmaster

Re: How would anybody know the difference?

Burn the heretic! Burn him in Fahrenheit!

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Google wearables: A solution looking for a rich nerd

FartingHippo
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Re: Notifications

"As soon as the first Marc Jacobs/Gucci Smart Watch comes out this will be the next fashion accessory every women wants."

You are aware the 1950's are over, aren't you? Will the killer app be one to tell her when the casserole is ready, or the one to tell her to put her husband's pipe and slippers by his comfy chair?

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FartingHippo
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Thumb Up

Re: Kinetic...

+1. Mechanical watches have been doing that for over a century.

Also, I'm sure there's a joke about computers, wrists and vigorous activity in there somewhere.

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QUIDOCALYPSE: Blighty braces for £100 MILLION cost of new £1 coin

FartingHippo
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Re: "it has 15 faces (12 bevels, obverse, reverse, outer edge)"

Let's keep is simple and agree that it's topologically identical to a sphere :)

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FartingHippo
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Boffin

Re: "it has 15 faces (12 bevels, obverse, reverse, outer edge)"

Fair enough, but simplified to a dodecadonal prism then 14 is right. If you're going to be nerdy about it then you've missed quite a few radiused sections out (those corners aren't razor sharp) not to mention a boat-load of facets in the image.

I still maintain that the 15 in the article is correct under no reasonable interpretation.

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FartingHippo
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Headmaster

"it has 15 faces (12 bevels, obverse, reverse, outer edge)"

Huh? Don't the twelve bevels make up the outer edge? So 14.

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Keep your quinoa, hipsters: Boffins back healthy slabs of choc

FartingHippo
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Devil

Re: Almost daily ...

Imagine the irony if you were to get run over by a bus tomorrow.

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Blighty goes retro with 12-sided pound coin

FartingHippo
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Holmes

Excellent

I assume this coin is enough to order a pint of mild and a packet of woodbines, let me put shilling or two on the dogs, buy my own body-weight in fish and chips, and still leave me enough change for the bus fare home.

Kids today don't know they're born.

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This record-smashing robot solves a Rubik's Cube in 3.253 seconds

FartingHippo
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Alert

"machines make our efforts in this field look puny"

Bollocks.

5.55 seconds is still amazing - but even that could have been a fluke where everything fell into place. Truly amazing is Feliks Zemdegs averaging 6.54 seconds over 5 runs.

Having to rely on set algorithms and muscle-memory also means that "puny humans" have to do far more moves per second than the robot. Watch the first 10 seconds of this.

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Satisfy my scroll: El Reg gets claws on Windows 8.1 spring update

FartingHippo
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Mushroom

Pet peeve

If I had a penny for each time I'd accidentally shifted to a Modern app from the desktop, I'd have....uh...a couple of quid.

I'd sell a couple of toes to stop the corner activation.

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Bugger the jetpack, where's my 21st-century Psion?

FartingHippo
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Flame

"Bugger the jetpack"

You should wait for it to cool down first, or it'll be barbequed sausage for dinner.

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Global Warming IS REAL, argues sceptic mathematician - it just isn't THERMAGEDDON

FartingHippo
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Black Helicopters

Ah, the certaintly and expertise of the anonymous poster!

Yeah, you don't know who I am either, but then I'm not pretending to be a climatologist...

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