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* Posts by FartingHippo

669 posts • joined 10 Feb 2012

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French 'terror law' declares WAR on the INTERNET itself, say digi-rights folks

FartingHippo
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Trollface

Re: Who defines terrorist ?

Any excuse to show Groundskeeper Willy.

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iPhone 6 shunned by fanbois in Apple's GREAT FAIL of CHINA

FartingHippo
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Boffin

Good question. You'd need at least two dimensions for form the queue.

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Don't wait for that big iPad, order a NEXUS 9 instead, industry little bird says

FartingHippo
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Headmaster

Licorice

I sincerely hope not. Forums will be choked with reams of pointless wittering on whether it's licor-ISH or licor-ISS.

The former is clearly correct and anyone who says otherwise is a moron. [See! It's happening already!!]

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Julian Assange discovers Google's given MONEY to EFF

FartingHippo
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Windows

Cabin Fever

He's going slowly bonkers, isn't he. Howard Hughs meets tramp-on-a-park-bench.

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Finnish PM: Apple has DESTROYED FINLAND

FartingHippo
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Megaphone

Imagine....

Hordes (herds?) of reindeer-mounted Finnish cavalry pounding down Infinite Loop, led by a red-coated general with a white beard.

Who's ho-ho-ho-ing now, Apple?

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Heistmeisters crack cost of safecrackers with $150 widget

FartingHippo
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Thumb Up

Re: Heh

Thanks for taking the time to write that. Jolly interesting.

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'I went from a two-hour commute to a 10-min scooter ride by the sea'

FartingHippo
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Re: Bermuda Onions on Pizza?

Colonial spelling mistake, like 'color'.

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Beardie Branson backs Blockchain's Bitcoin bandwagon

FartingHippo
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Boffin

Beardie Branson backs Blockchain's Bitcoin bandwagon

Absolutely awesome and amazing alliteration, as always.

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Apple and GT: Sapphire glass is cracked, but still not broken

FartingHippo
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Holmes

Time to don the old Tin Foil Chapeau

"My god, this sapphire glass is expensive, these guys have a monopoly! As you all know, the only good monopoly is an Apple monopoly." - Tim Cook, September 2014

"That's lucky, there's now a really, really cheap sapphire glass company for us to buy." - Tim Cook, Oct 2014

[not really, but you never know...]

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Google ordered to tear down search results from its global dotcom by French court

FartingHippo
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Facepalm

Re: Chump change?

"Still helps them make a loss in Europe (excluding Ireland), so less tax to pay. So a win for Google."

So you'd rather be paid £10k a year and avoid income tax than be taxed on £40k a year? It's a thought, I suppose...

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Netflix bullish after six-country European INVASION

FartingHippo
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Unhappy

Re: signed-up for free trial in France - still feel it is bad value for money

Re: The Good Wife

To my (and my good wife's) irritation, the latest season and subsequent seasons will only be available on Amazon Prime. They bought exclusive rights for a mind-boggling amount of money.

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Supercapacitors have the power to save you from data loss

FartingHippo
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Unhappy

Re: Kaboom?

Commiserations. Still, at least you can supplement your cheese with a smoke and a pancake.

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FartingHippo
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Holmes

Re: Kaboom?

"Canadians Qualify?"

Of course! Generally good eggs, Canadians (apart from the wretched Québécois, obviously).

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FartingHippo
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Mushroom

Kaboom?

I'd like to nominate "a small problem with some minor exploding" for the British Understatement in Journalism Award.

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Texas T Rex Dell: Terabytes shipped. Count 'em and weep...

FartingHippo
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Gimp

4.3 exabytes

That's a metric fuckton (fapton?) of porn.

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Man, its smartphones are SQUARE. But will BlackBerry make a comeback with them?

FartingHippo
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Alert

Ow!

You bend over suddenly (for whatever reason you might like to imagine) and that's going to sting. I know manufacturers are wary of rounded corners, but that's like a telephonic shuriken!

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Soundbites: News in brief from the Wi-Fi audiophile files

FartingHippo
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Trollface

Pleasantly surprised...

...by the absence of audiophile twattery on this thread.

I'd expected someone to show up wittering on about valves and/or directional CAT 5 cables by now. Only one mention of the often-ubiquitous "warmer", and nothing on "mid-tones" at all.

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EE buys 58 Phones 4u stores for £2.5m after picking over carcass

FartingHippo
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Stop

Re: Looking on the bright side...

Oh good, more charity shops paying no business rates and selling tat. Just what my high-street needs.

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TV techies proudly display their MIGHTY BENDERS in Berlin

FartingHippo
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If you're spending 100k+ on a TV, you're not in the real world

Meh. I like to look at the Bugattis and Ferraris at a car show. Doesn't mean I'm going to buy one.

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Hawking: Higgs boson in a BIG particle punisher could DESTROY UNIVERSE

FartingHippo
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Alert

Re: In other news

Immigrant Bosons On Benefits Cause Cancer And Falling House Prices

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Ballmer PERSONALLY wrote Windows' Blue Screen of Death text

FartingHippo
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Trollface

He does love 'developers'

Really? Have you, by any chance, got any evidence of that fact...

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One step closer to ROBOT BUTLERS: Dyson flashes vid of VACUUM SUCKER bot

FartingHippo
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Terminator

Re: Apple school of marketing?

You have 20 seconds to comply ... I am now authorised to use extreme suction.

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Tim Cook in Applerexia fears: New MacBook THINNER THAN EVER

FartingHippo
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Facepalm

Great news!

A couple more generations and I won't need a laptop AND a carving knife.

Convergence, eh! Amazing. I just wish they'd add a bottle opener and corkscrew.

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Cracking copyright law: How a simian selfie stunt could make a monkey out of Wikipedia

FartingHippo
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Thumb Up

Re: It really doesn't matter

+1 for the last sentence, although I'd add "arrogant and self-important".

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BAT-GOBBLING urban SPIDER QUEENS swell to ENORMOUS SIZE

FartingHippo
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Gimp

*whimper*

That 'impressive' picture of the spiders 'getting together' is like something from Indiana Jones.

I no longer have my feet on the floor. The picture is me in my spider-proof suit --->

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CRR-CRRRK, beep, beep: Mars space truck backs out of slippery sand trap

FartingHippo
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Re: Hardness of aluminium

Yes they are. Virtually all aluminium is alloyed before use. Apart from its density, it's not a very useful construction material otherwise. [Edit: darn, beaten to it!]

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Apple takes blade to 13-inch MacBook Pro with Retina display

FartingHippo
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Facepalm

"should certainly bolster sales in time for the new school term"

Really? A MacBook pro to help little Philippa/Tarquin pass their GCSEs?

My, my, how times have changed. I was happy with a Casio fx82 [goes all misty-eyed]. Kids today, don't know they're born, etc, etc...

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Snowden leaks show that terrorists are JUST LIKE US

FartingHippo
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Holmes

A spy lies. More at eleven. --->

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Hollywood star Robin Williams dies of 'suspected suicide' at 63

FartingHippo
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Facepalm

Re: Mork Calling Orson

Coincidence.

Also, horoscopes don't work, and you can walk under ladders as long as you keep half an eye on the window cleaner's bucket.

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Samsung Galaxy Tab S 8.4: 4G Android tablet is easy to swallow

FartingHippo
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Re: Whither Nexus 8

You appear to be living the same life as me.

Where indeed is the next iteration of the Nexus 7/8? Fed up with charging my Mk1 every night.

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Yosemite Siri? Apple might plonk chatty assistant on your desktop - report

FartingHippo
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Megaphone

Why no, I don't.

I fail to see why anyone reading an IT site would have any knowledge of an intensely irritating app which was omnipresent on the Windows desktop for the best part of decade.

[It looks like you're having a bad day. Would you like help?]

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Farmville maker Zynga delays new games after losing 57 MILLION users

FartingHippo
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Alert

King

Anyone stupid enough to invest in King should get out right now. One game and a valuation of $7bn - what could possibly go wrong...

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IBM boffins stuff 16 million-neuron chips into binary 'frog' brain

FartingHippo
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Coat

No but if you stress-test it, it has a crisis.

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Brit balloon bod Bodnar circumnavigates planet

FartingHippo
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Holmes

Re: Stealth Baloon

Must have the radar cross-section of a pigeon. Doubt any of them even knew it was there.

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Fiat Panda Cross: 'Interesting-looking' Multipla spawn hits UK

FartingHippo
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Boffin

Re: 80 bhp?

Someone needs to look up the term "low ratio" ...

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Phab-u-less: Huge MONSTER iPhone 6 not due until 2015 – claim

FartingHippo
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Trollface

Re: I for one

Small hands, huh? Poor Mrs 10.

I love my Galaxy Note. Fits my hand perfectly :)

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LG unfurls flexible SEE-THROUGH 18-inch display

FartingHippo
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Paris Hilton

Re: If I had a semi-transaprent display

My brain had a little wobble when I read: "If I had a semi".

I need to get out more :(

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Thought PCs were in the toilet? They're STILL eating Apple's lunch

FartingHippo
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Boffin

Re: So...

To be fair, most people who can count to 20 without taking off their socks would consider it growth.

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Catch cack-handed baggage handlers in the act with Ericsson's SPY SUITCASE

FartingHippo
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Trollface

Re: Ericsson has the patents on this one.

So I stick the same thing in a golf bag or a sousaphone case and it's $$$$ and a private carribean island?

<Mr Burns>Excellent!</Mr Burns>

Troll 'cos, you know, patents.

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Drone's drug airdrop mission ends in failure for Irish prisoners

FartingHippo
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Devil

Re: Define "drone"

What, may I ask, is wrong with "robocopter" and "robojet"? Is this or is this not the 21st Century? Hmm?

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Google Glass gets 2GB of RAM. Think about this. Two gigs of RAM

FartingHippo
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Windows

When I were a lad we had to make do with scratching ones and zeros on the wall. We upgraded from a 16k wall to a 32k wall by moving to a larger house. Deleting old files took ages as we had to wait for the plaster to dry before we could write new ones.

Kids today don't know they're born, etc.

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Rejoice, Australia! SBS trials SOCCER AND SEX on ONE SCREEN tech

FartingHippo
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Paris Hilton

Re: SBS shows far more sex than the more timid commercial broadcasters

Hedges. They're everywhere, and for some reason often they often sport a two-year-old, damp copy of Razzle.

[Yeah, I know it's not true anymore. But leave me with my rose-tinted spectacles for a while, will you.]

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Move over, John Pilger, let us IT scandal-mongerers stick it to you

FartingHippo
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Coat

Re: Euphemistic musings

Just be glad he kept his Baffing Spoon in the bag.

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Texan parks quadcopter atop Dallas Cowboys stadium

FartingHippo
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FAIL

20m max altitude?

If that video is meant to be from the quadcopter in question, then I call bullsh1t. Some of those shots are from waaaaay higher than that - 100m plus to my eyes.

EDIT: the dome is 91m tall. Nuff sed.

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DOCX disaster recovery: How I rescued my wife from XM-HELL

FartingHippo
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Stop

Re: With apologies to Ray Parker, Jr.

That's deep in the uncanny valley of humour.

So bad it's not funny, but not quite bad enough to be funny for the badness itself.

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DARPA crazytech crew want to create HUMAN-FREE cyber defence systems

FartingHippo
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Terminator

Great idea

After all, what could possibly go wrong -->

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Brunner does a runner: Beats designer must hand the brand to Apple

FartingHippo
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Coat

Good name for Apple to acquire

After all, your average fanboi Beats furiously over every new iThing...

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SpaceX 'Dragon V2' ROCKET PODULE can hover-land on Earth - or MARS

FartingHippo
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Pint

Re: "My heart would be a fireball...!"

Er. That's quite uncanny. Good spot, that man.

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TrueCrypt turmoil latest: Bruce Schneier reveals what he'll use instead

FartingHippo
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Black Helicopters

Alternative explanation

This is a plot by a joint NSA/GCHQ task force to move people onto less secure solutions with nice backdoors.

That's why I only use paper to encrypt my sensitive data using a one-time pad which I hide in a pet's body cavity.

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Peak thumb drive is coming in 2016

FartingHippo
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Boffin

Re: Never mind all that...

The big problems arrive at Peak Trough (or is that Trough Peak?).

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