* Posts by Jediben

346 posts • joined 6 Feb 2012

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Tennessee bloke quits job over satanic wage slip

Jediben
Holmes

Re: wrong number?

The MAFIAA and chums would disagree.

All true God-fearing Americans who love capitalism and the persuit of $$$ would suggest that Nero (Burning ROM) would be directly opposed to their ideals, allowing heathens to make EVIL ILLEGAL CURSED COMMIE COPIES of their intellectual property.

Ergo, Nero is still a huge threat to Christianity!

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Kids as young as FIVE need lessons in online safety - NSPCC

Jediben
Trollface

Re: Parents are the problem

Great story, just clarify one thing - she wasn't your girlfriend's OLDER sister, right?

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McDonalds burger app gives it to you straight from the horse's mouth

Jediben
Joke

Re: Beef

Neigh, neigh and thrice neigh!

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Anger grows over the death of Aaron Swartz

Jediben
Holmes

Re: Utterly wrong.

Oh hadn't you heard? Ever since a few kids claimed a dead guy fiddled with them in the 70s, everyone dead is guilty by default now...

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Broadband gov subsidy should end in 2015 -Tory think tank

Jediben
Thumb Up

Article is TL;DR

But I love the name of the report!

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Brazilian slammer guards nab mobe-smuggling CAT

Jediben
FAIL

After all that elaborate sellotaping

You'd have hoped for it to go purrfectly.

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Ubisoft probes sudden rash of hijack attacks on gamers' accounts

Jediben
Pirate

£30, security and your privacy is a small price to pay

To stay on the right side of a faint grey line!

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Apple supremo Tim Cook's pay packet SLASHED 99% in 2012

Jediben

Re: That's a lot of money...

Footballers are a particular bug-bear of mine, specifically their apparent immunity to criticism for performance compared to team managers. I don't understand a process whereby a player can be bought for X million, tied into a 3/4/5 year contract and perhaps not play more than 40% of the time (and perform poorly) but still be paid in full, slathered with sponsorship endorsements and generally worshipped, but a manager can be in a job for 9 games and get the sack within 2 months because the 11 players on the pitch were crap. The players still get to stay on though.

What's a suitable IT analogy? Buying windows 8 and installing it on a Dell PC but realising that you can't figure out how to make it playback your UEFA Champions Leage Highlights DVD. You throw it out.

Then you buy another PC from HP, install Windows 8 on it and get the same result.

Then you try installing it on a Compaq. Same again.

And then you tell your mates that all PCs are shit because they can't play DVDs...

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Feeling poor? WHO took all your money? NOT capitalist bastards?

Jediben
FAIL

Re: Baby Boomers

JimC, the generation BEFORE the boomers had been involved in a rather awkward little situation called World War II. I think it's a little harsh to suggest that they start coughing up taxes to pay for all the work they should have been doing instead of fighting off the Nazis invasion of Europe...

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Red-faced, sweating and still in your chair: Welcome to eSports

Jediben
FAIL

Re: Those huge arena events...

A university weekend LAN in Essex, with an attendance in only double figures, was more than enough to keep the 'dry roasted peanut' odour in the atmosphere. Not only do people smell after sitting at their pc for up to (let's be generous here) 8 hours, but working machines also smell.

PCs are not hermetically sealed boxes - dust gets sucked in, dislodged, blown around, PC components get hot, things start to smell - dead skin, hair, food, general heated stuff.

On top of that, consider the environments that these machines could have come from. No one runs their gaming PC in an airtight chamber, and not everyone has good habits. Even if only 5% of attendees are smokers, their PCs will still stink the place out as they heat up. Smokers make for foul PCs.

Maybe you ought to rein your neck in and get your own prejudices in check before having a hissy fit, huh?

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Jediben
Alert

Those huge arena events...

Never mind the skills on show, just imagine the smell...

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Dead Steve Jobs' mega yacht seized by testy Philippe Starck

Jediben
FAIL

Re: Always have contracts

He'd say something along the lines of "One born every minute".

Knowing the Jobsian bandwagon, Starck's design would be replaced by one slightly smaller which casts 10% more in 6 month's time anyway.

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Naked Scarlett Johansson pic snatch bloke gets 10 YEARS

Jediben

Re: 10 years.

Ahh Mr Reynolds, so nice of you to join us.

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Jediben
Pint

At this time of year...

...We remember a Man who thought nothing of his own freedom and instead sacrificed himself for the greater good of all mankind.

A man who looked inside, broke down barriers others thought insurmountable and revealed to all the true glory that we had all yearned for but never dared dream to experience.

Raise a glass to him.

Thank you Jesu...

WAIT WHAT?! SCARLETT'S JUBS?!? 10 YEARS?! <faints>

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Valve chief confirms Steam-centric console-killing PC

Jediben
Devil

Re: The crucial flaw in the cunning plan...

AAhhh the resident EA representative awakens.

HOW'S THINGS, EA? WILL ORIGIN BE IN MY LOUNGE ANYTIME SOON?

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Apple, Samsung patent judge: 'I feel like I'm in Groundhog Day here'

Jediben
Devil

Re: Anyone else

I agree, it almost seems that she doesn't want to make any decisions. Could it be because the onlyrational one is going to cost a US company a whole lot of wonga?

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Littlest pirate’s Winnie-the-Pooh laptop on the way home

Jediben

Re: €300

If Chisu was feeling like scoring a massive PR hit, she could re-imburse daddy for the trouble?

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Adobe demands 7,000 years a day from humankind

Jediben
Devil

Re: I remember

Blizzard do to same thing for the T&Cs for their various online-only games. And this was PRE-Activision!

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Ten technology FAILS

Jediben
FAIL

Re: Zip Drives?

I've just remembered that, while at university in 2001, I once took my housemate's Zip drive and 5 disks as payment instead of cash for a month's rent (I think).

I never found a use for it.

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Jediben
Trollface

Re: Blu Ray

Jason, I hate to admonish you for your choice of 'entertainment' (ahem), but - those aren't pores, they're herpes scars!

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Jediben
Trollface

Re: "Failures", surely, not "Fails"

Speak as one for yourself only then, you Limey :p

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El Reg Movember lads sprout mighty Unix beards for cancer charity

Jediben
Devil

Re: Great work raising the money...

I agree. Doctor's are clearly already at breaking point due to all the female patients having tests for anything and everything (thoroughly researched and evidence-based appointments only of course), and the threat of men actually making use of their services as well is a real problem.

I know that cancer research has a particular month of focus for each of the major cancers, but I'd never really noticed the men-only prostate and testicular cancers as receiving their fair share of public interest. A cursory glance at the telly clarifies why - Children in Need steals the thunder by taking place in November every year.

Why? the public prefer to give their money to kids rather than arseholes

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Amazon makes BEELLIONS from British customers, pays pennies in tax

Jediben
WTF?

Still seems shifty

Unless I can't count, for a business to only make 2.2 pence on every pound of turnover is pretty rubbish, right?

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Ten weird Chinese mobile phones

Jediben
Happy

Re: Is it wrong...

Just need a talking Trans-Am to go with it!

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One in 10 Brit smartphone owners 'can't afford' to pay for apps

Jediben
Pirate

YAARRR!!!

See title.

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Girlfriend 'tried to MURDER ME with her AMPLE BREASTS'

Jediben

Re: Perhaps it was lost in translation

Oh, and pics or it didn't happen...

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Jediben
Joke

Perhaps it was lost in translation

She can't have been the first to misinterpret "La petite mort"?

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Samsung Google Nexus 10 tablet review

Jediben
Devil

Stick the Special Brew and leave predicting the future to someone else. Or wait for Apple's version of the future 6 months after it's happened.

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Jediben

Re: No sale here, either.

Asus Transformers. Problem solved.

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Facebook: Give us your credit card and pals' addresses as GIFTS

Jediben
Coat

Here's your coat Facebook

GTFO.

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Forklift fondleslab 'fellas flee with vast haul of iPad Minis at JFK

Jediben

Re: Extreme measures

Just some Apple employees going the extra mile to support their 'shortage of stock' rumours. Enforced scarcity = enhanced desirability after all!

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Watchdog halts Toyota Grand Theft Auto-esque advert

Jediben

Re: So what is it like?

You barsteward! What has been seen cannot be unseen, and the icon is now tainted forever! :(

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Black Ops 2 blunder has Mass Effect on buyers

Jediben
Unhappy

Still not sold as advertised, so should be able to return it for refund or replacement, right?

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Youngster backed by Yoko Ono and Stephen Fry launches 'Summly'

Jediben

The little sprat was on BBC this morning, stating that he hoped to monetize the system by charging people to link to the stories that were summarilisationified.

I suspect this will see him in big trouble - you can't go charging for other people's content without licencing, right?

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Jediben
Angel

Yep, he's my boss's boss.

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Apple must apologise for its surly apology on its website on Saturday

Jediben

Oh and this adventure will not include a third apology in any form. It'll be a fucking huge fine and maybe some clink time for Cook if it has to go around again. When will you fanbois learn that Apple's Reality Distortion Field doesn't work outside the walled garden?

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Jediben

I disagree, we haven't even HAD the apology that counts - i.e. the web page.

Only once they've actually published it and they've proven that they are going to heed the court's instruction CORRECTLY can we decide if it 'all worked in their favour'.

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Jediben

Re: The part that I don't understand...

No, all the things the Germans judged on had already been decided by the UK court, so everything they spouted was completely wrong and should be ignored.

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Jediben
Trollface

I don't believe this is the publication by Apple

It doesn't have rounded corners...

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British judge: Say you're sorry Apple... this time like you MEAN it

Jediben
Coat

Contempt of Court

The biggest thing to happen to iPad since the iPad (mini).

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Jediben
Thumb Up

They should count their lucky stars

That they get a second bite of the Apple.

Now can they swallow their pride soon enough to get the new apology uploaded to their site in time?

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SMARTPHONES make TEENS have SEX with STRANGERS

Jediben
Coat

17%? Be right back...

Just nipping out to buy 5 more phones...

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EDF: We'll raise bills 11% - but only 2% is due to energy costs!

Jediben
Thumb Up

I love UK Power Networks :)

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French gov 'plans to hand Google €1bn tax bill' - report

Jediben
WTF?

Re: Fuck them all

<Meanwhile, in AC's twisted little world>

*RING RING*

"Allo, Une Une Deux, vhat iz your emergency monsieur?"

"Hi buddy, this is Chuck E Cheeze, head of Legal at Monstro Corporation in the US OF A. One of our depots in Je Ne Sais Q'oui-ville has been burgled by a load of your fellow garlic munchers and Uncle Sam insists you get off your little Frog behind and investigate ."

"Votre taxe ne paie pas pour les services de police, investgate vous-même! Bonne journée! "

<click>

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Jediben
Devil

Re: Bloody good show

I'm sure they will cope; they seem to put looking after number 1 ahead of looking after number 10 at least.

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Forgetting Microsoft: How Steve Ballmer's Surface could win

Jediben
Thumb Up

Re: Distracted

On a related note, Hitman: Absolution in 21 days!

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Ballmer claims Win 8 sales strong, WinPhone to follow

Jediben
WTF?

Re: Little known fact

Got mine last night, using the amusingly titled (and fictional) "Uncle Bubba's SupaDupa PC Emporium" as the vendor, where of course I had purchased the MONSTRO 9000 model.

£15 later and it's installed on my spare SSD, and terrifying me by downloading pictures I had forgotten I had uploaded to a Skydrive equivalent in 2007...

Buy your copy today!

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