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* Posts by Richard Altmann

106 posts • joined 19 Jan 2012

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Man brings knife to a gun fight and WINS

Richard Altmann

Re: Not surprising

Is that you, Hiro?

Yours Truly

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Kenyan court case could sound death knell for mobile money

Richard Altmann

Re: also used in South Africa

M-Pesa really got what´s left of the East -African economy rolling. Passing by banks that behave like robber barons. Its M-Pesa or the islamic money exchange. "Brother Abdul? Brother Kenan just gave me 100$. So when his cousin Adnan shows up, you give it to him." It´s not about money laundry for the peasant, it´s about getting money from A to B without being robbed on the way (Western Union and Banks and the likes)

"very fast networks in urban areas, etc." Pse Sir, don´t make me love. Around 2000 the MTNs and Vodaphones rolled into sub saharan- africa. They promised the governments full, countrywide coverage of mobile connection in exchange for 10 years of not having to pay taxes or other dubious contracts. The results are BTSs on every hilltop, spoiling the african landscape. Only they never gave a shit about bandwidth management. Try to get through to Germany or even Nairobi from Kampala after friday lunch time until monday morning ... on whatever network you are on ... forget it. In Abuja, Capital of Nigeria, people carry 3 mobile phones with different SIM Cards in the vague hope, they might get through to someone or someone might reach them. Don´t mind the monster billboard ads for LTE which frequently collaps under strong winds and kill passing people. Same goes for Addis Ababa, Ethiopia. Djibouti? Forget it. Better get talking drums. Of course every court in sub saharan africa will give way to any law the banks demand. What with the lawmakers being overbribed "by being rich beyond my wildest dreams" by the banks.

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US team claims PARIS paper plane launch crown

Richard Altmann

Re: I've been tempted to do my own PARIS project

@Khaptain:Shouting "Das Schwein!! Das Schwein!!" and jumping up and down without end,

bystanders had to finally drag me to the lawn and dose me with a monster reefer to calm me down.

First and only time ever, that i lost the plot. The pig must have left the galaxy by now. Thanks for reminding me.

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'Space bubbles' may have helped Taliban down 'copter in bloody Afghanistan battle

Richard Altmann

Space Bubbles

What a lazy excuse. Where was the Awacs to support that mission? Could have just radioed in with line of site. Hell, even a semaphore connection would have done. But nowadays Morse code is no longer taught as far as i know. Wars are still fought grunt to grunt and it will never change. Keep it simple. Recently, a group of Chinhooks came back from the baltics and they had to make a stop over in Poland and ask the locals for direction. Are this space warriors too stupid to even use the Satnav in their phones? This is exactly the reason why all this "islamic terrorists" are so succsesful. They keep it simple. No high tec army in the world will ever stop a dedicated group of men with AKs and CB Band comms. Drone controllers in a bunker somewhere in the states doing 9to5 bombing Talibans and go home with some war syndroms? Pussys all around. You wanna go to war? Bring on the grunts! but they cant run anymore because of 40kgs of HiTec on their backs instead of a beltback ammo. When a gouvernment decides to go to war it needs a dedication. Now how do you get dedication to fight in some fucking desert/mountain region which your president does not even find on a map? Oh, and don´t forget gender equality. What the Fuck? And that is why this religiuos driven, dedicated people will succeed in their quest. Anyone remembers Frank Herbert? Dune? Butler´s Jihad? Destruction of all HiTec? Interstellar fall back to analog technics? There you go! Herbert saw it coming.

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SpaceX blasts a mischief of mice, a 3D printer and a cuddly toy* into SPAAAACE

Richard Altmann
Coat

Re: 57.7-foot ... robotic arm

The other is some pestilential hell hole in Africa.

Icon: The 51% percent "shareholder" of MY company grabbing the rest my fortune accept the 25k$ which i´m allowed to take with me when i leave the country.

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Edge Research Lab to tackle chilly LOHAN's final test flight

Richard Altmann
Flame

Pocket warmers

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Magic-Gel-Reusable-Hand-Warmer/dp/B000MU4IJ2

might do the job

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China is now 99.8% sure you're you, thanks to world's-best facial recognition wares

Richard Altmann

missed the point

"The systems already in place at arrival points work by matching Aussie or Kiwi passports against a stored photo and dramatically cut down on Customs wait times, much to this correspondent's delight. ®"

Since 9/11 the gouvernments of the world have a carte blanche in introducing ever finest methods of infiltrating the privacy of their people in the name of "War Against Terrorism". 9/11 is just such a sweet cover up for what every governement wants: Total control of their people. The Londoners don´t mind being observed by every step they take in the City. "I´ve nothing to hide, so i don´t mind" ... giving my privacy away. Only ... the world has been changed by NSA and their fellows. One is a suspect of everything bad until ... well, one cannot proof oneself not guilty of anything anymore. To Whom? One is guilty per se. The very moment my daughter passed the airport scan she has become a suspect for life, whatever about. She ever will be. But Hey! It " cut down on Customs wait times" . Al Qauida and NSA: One , Rest of the World: Nil

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Vote NOW for LOHAN's arboreal avoidance algorithm acronym

Richard Altmann
Happy

Re: Where are the trees?

Lester´s first law of HAB projects: What goes up, must come down ... ending up in a tree.

Don´t worry, there ain´t no desert rough enough to not produce a Magnetic Tree in the very moment of touch down. There might be an entitiy which is actually positively minded to HABalloners. It provides a soft landing in the foliage of a tree instead of having to witness a rocky crash, smashing the project to bits.

Just a thought :-)

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Richard Altmann

The

The

Wood

Avoidance

Technology

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Crack team weighs LOHAN's substantial box

Richard Altmann
Pint

Re: Just wondering ?

This treated wood package regulation exists for Africa as well. Even though one can ask what they afraid of. What with all the bugs, termites and man eating ants they have for themselves. When it comes to shippings from Australia that makes sense since they are playing in their very own league of nasty creatures. Your colleague Brid-Aine Parnell will be absolutely fed up with the job that is still ahead.

LOHAN´s intestines each need verification of the country of origin provided by the manufacturer of the parts. Customs tariff numbers have to be sourced. Finally the whole shebang has to be blessed by the Chamber of Commerce and that´s a nightmare even in Germany. Don´t want to know how effective spanish CoCs are. To launch LOHAN from a real Spaceport is of course top notch. But when that all is done and good it all can end with this grumpy customs officer who did not receive his bj in the morning. In Africa clearance of your goods is always just 50 bucks away. But i doubt it works in the US of A. To get to Kourou would not be a problem but it lacks the glamour and i doubt that you would be able to recover LOHAN. It would definitly end up either in the ocean or on top of a 50m tall djungle tree. So be good to Brid-Aine and give her all the moral support you can provide. She needs it. I´m going through this torture once a month. Therefore my pint goes to her. May she recover quickly.

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Redmond resists order to hand over overseas email

Richard Altmann

The Internet

was a vision of freedom of information and communication.

Now, by using the internet one is rendered guilty of everything by default.

Pse allow me to quote this chap:

"Of all tyrannies, a tyranny exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It may be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies.The robber baron's cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end for they do so with the approval of their own conscience."

Clive Staples Lewis * 29. November 1898† 22. November 1963

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Indian techies-in-training face down MAN-EATING LEOPARD - and WIN

Richard Altmann

Re: There was also an elephant in the room...

it was pink, so nobody saw it.

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NSA man: 'Tell me about your Turkish connections'

Richard Altmann

Conversation loop

About three times per year:

Boss: "I need you to go to U.S.A."

Me:"I will not!"

<loop>

He´s sending me all across the world and i love it.

States? No way!

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Richard Altmann

Re: What's wrong with Turkey?

"But then I've never met their politicians."

And you´ve never been to a german biliard hall.

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Richard Altmann
Headmaster

Re: What wonderful society - North America

I think, it´s weird that 43% of US citizens don´t understand that every no vote is two upvotes for the existing system that takes away their daily-life-freedom with sometimes most bizarre laws. Go and vote for the liberals or the greens or whatever just to express your unhappiness with the reps or dems. If you don´t vote you give two votes to the ones you don´t want. two- nil for the ones you don´t like if you don´t vote. one-one if you vote against what you don´t want and win a vote against them even though your chosen party does not stand a chance to be elected. The 43% of non voters like in the last elections could make a difference if they only could get there arses up to vote for anything against what is not what they want.

simple, isn´t it?

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BitTorrent not to blame for movie revenues, says economist

Richard Altmann

Re: Add the 3d farce

When i come across eastern european youngsters i find that their english is worlds ahead of what a german kid is mumbling. Quite sure, they did not learn it in school. So i went to ask them. They are watching the same rubbish TV series and movies from the states as the tschörman kids. Only, in their countries the "content" is neither subbed or dubbed.

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Boeing to start work on most powerful rocket ... EVER!

Richard Altmann

No Innovation

there. Went to the Space Shuttle warehouse, took what´s left of the project from the shelves, bundled it up with a rubberband and sold it as a new thingy to NASA. Not before sticking on new price tags of course.

No they are gathered in the secret basement of Boing Central so noone can hear the popping of champagne bottles and their evil laughter. Looking forward to the doubling of "development" time, trippling of the production costs and the tenfold rise of their boni. Conspiracy? Don´t be paranoid. Go find professional help.

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USA to insist on pre-flight mobe power probe

Richard Altmann

Airplanes

are not terrorist targets. Entebbe, Nairobi, Djibouti, Addis Ababa, Abuja ... one could walk through the "checks" with whatever one likes. And that´s just a few airports i know of myself. 9/11 was different, they turned the planes into weapons. Paris, Brussels, Frankfurt, Istanbul ... what excellent targets. But it´s not going to happen. With the Twin Tower attacks AQ got what they want. "Mission Accomplished". The "Free World" no longer exists. Treeelions spent on useless security measures and 90% of the worlds population turned into per se suspects of whatever. A genius strike, one has to addmit. So give me back my shaving foam and shower gel.

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Richard Altmann

TSA

Who the hell wants to go Nazi America? I frequently have words with my boss ´cause he wants to send me there for conferences and what not. "I will Not!" Pratchett/Baxter readers will know what i mean.

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Star Wars: These are the 'unknown' actors we were looking for

Richard Altmann

Re: Fan Bingbing?

No trolling here but Jaja Bing to my mind

(shudder)

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New NSA boss plays down impact of Snowden leaks

Richard Altmann

A quote

"Of all tyrannies, a tyranny exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It may be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron's cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end for they do so with the approval of their own conscience."

Clive Staples Lewis * 29. November 1898† 22. November 1963

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Richard Altmann

Illuminatus

The world was such a nice place living in West - Berlin. The flat lit up by the search lights from east of the Wall, smoking joints, reading the "Illuminatus" books and getting frickin´ paranoid. Half a life later it turns out that Robert Anton Wilson and H.G. Wells did not catch a glimpse of what was going on even in their times. Nowadays one does not need any dope or LSD to be caught up in paranoia. Reality beats the worst trip one could "tune in" to.

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LOHAN laid bare in intimate interview

Richard Altmann

HD 25

Best reasonable priced headphones ever produced.

I´m right now flipping through "Das Buch der Astronautik" by A.F. Marfeld published in 1963.

It´s an amazing manual of how to get things into space. With the history, math, physics and chemistry and whatever one needs to get going. Pre moon landing hardcore.

Godspeed

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Happy Birthday Tetris: It's flipping 30

Richard Altmann

Re: After-effects

You touch them, that´s it

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Richard Altmann

Re: After-effects

Ever thought i was cool until i dreamt Doom

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I am NOT a PC repair man. I will NOT get your iPad working

Richard Altmann
Pint

IT and conferencing

I feel for the IT guys who get put in charge of the conference facilities in their companies.

Just because a presentation laptop is connected to the conference system, it does not mean its all IT.

In 99% of SMEs the conference technic goes to either the IT departement or the guy who changes the bulbs and mows the lawn. They hate doing it because it keeps them away from the job they´ve been hired for. What with all the hussle with coke fuelled managers insisting to show their 1024x768 slides in HD.

The companies are blowing out megatons of cash for conference facilities since they want to look posh in front of their clients. Which is often very embarassing, since there is noone there to operate that shit properly. Who gets the blame? The IT departement (since a presentation laptop is involved and the ever failing videoconference system runs over IP). I bet, many IT guys would rather happily fix uncle Herbert´s slow internet then having to cope with systems in their company which are not their field of experties and they don´t want anything to do with.

I salute you and raise a pint for everyone concerned

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Beautiful balloon burst caught on camera

Richard Altmann
Pint

FANTASTIC!!

There should be an Award somewhere for HAB footage like that.

If you ever happen to come to Munich i would be honored to take you out to the Forschungsbrauerei (Research Brewery) for a beer or two. It does not come in Pints but in Mass (1 Liter).

Xlnt work! Both LOHAN and the Booze

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550 reasons to buy this book for your beloved: COCKROACHES of Oz

Richard Altmann
Mushroom

Want

to see Roaches? Come to Uganda.

Half a foot of length is not uncommon.

ElReg, pse let us attach photos to our comments.

There´s a company called "Roachman" in Kampala driving around town in cars with supersized roach models on the roof . Cats help a lot. They actually eat them after they had their fun with them. If you smash them their eggs are splad all over the place. So that does not really help. The South Africans have come up with a spray called "Doom!" and boy, it does the job. Can´t buy it in europe because of some chemical warfare barriers. It´s a nerve gas tailored for these bastards and works on mosquitos as well. You better have some drinks outside on the veranda after spraying before you go back inside.

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Google's self-driving car breakthrough: Stop sign no longer a problem

Richard Altmann
Coffee/keyboard

Re: I can't believe you guys are so gullible

You Sir owe me a keyboard.

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France bans managers from contacting workers outside business hours

Richard Altmann

tied to their employer whether they like it or not,

you chose the wrong life ... Go back to start or continue to be a slave, looser

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Internet is a TOOL OF SATAN that destroys belief, study claims

Richard Altmann
Devil

OMG!

"the number of people citing no religious belief increased from 8 to 18 per cent between 1990 and 2010"

So, if one looks linear, it will take another ~ 200 years for mankind to overcome the worst desease that ever befelt it. At that time waterlevels will have risen to catastrophic heights, due to a popular religion (Treehuggers). Resulting in the launch of Noah´s Ark 2.0 and it all starts over again. We are trapped in a hamster wheel!

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Driver drama delays deep desert XP upgrade

Richard Altmann

Re: That´s the Spirit ...

Mate, i´ve been to Lagos around this time as well. 300 workstation internet cafés packed with 419 scammers and every 15 mins or so one of the guys hit "Bingo". It was Clondyke River all over again. A home and shoes for the kids. Not provided by some gooddoing NGO´s but by outsmarting greedy first world c*unts. It was lovely

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Richard Altmann
Pint

That´s the Spirit ...

of bringing IT into the remote areas of the world!

Reminds me of going to Karamoja (Northern Uganda) to set up a training center.

It was the Win2k times on PII boxes. Traveling in a battered Land Rover with all the gear inside and few hundred liters of fuel plus the gen set on the roof. We were delayed by three hours cause this bloody lion decided to take a nap in the middle of the road (for better words) and no AC. The Lucent Technologies 5Mb cards worked a treat but it took 3 days to get the f****ng sat com going. Couldn´t leave the hut at night due to roaming hyenas. The spider was a brown widow and the resulting necrosis from the bites could only be treated some days later. Looks like shrapnel wounds. The exchange rate in the pub was one AK47 bullet for a beer. It still is. The training center was scorched by rebels.

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LOHAN's Punch and Judy show is GO for Saturday

Richard Altmann

godspeed

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Huawei rakes in £2 BEEELLION in profits

Richard Altmann

Re: NSA and GCHQ - HuaWei's ...

I am just now charging my Ascend P6 for the first time.

It was smooth sailing with Nokia for more than a decade but one has to draw a line.

Now i´m looking for a non Yank OS to get rid of Google. Tips anyone?

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BuzzGasm: 9 Incredible Things You Never Knew About PLIERS!

Richard Altmann

the reason to wear a belt

Leatherman, MagLite

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Icahn and I will: Carl's war on eBay goes NUCLEAR over Skype

Richard Altmann

Quis custodit custodes

Respect, Mr. Icahn. You are taking your rights as a shareholder serious and have real questions for the board. Shareholders are the ones who own the company and it is their responsibility to audit the board. Why should wazisname get away with sinking 700 mio? With shareholders taking more responsibility a lot more of this incompetent or even criminal behaviours would come to daylight.

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Bill Gates is BACK... as CHIEF RICH human of PLANET EARTH

Richard Altmann

Polio

Apart from almost single handly erradicating Polio YOU NUMB!!!

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Pine trees' scent 'could prevent climate change really being a problem'

Richard Altmann
Mushroom

Arctis

Well, that thing and a great deal of Tundra Perma Frost just melted away while the Athmosphere did not heat up "The last 15 years or so"?

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Linux-friendly Munich: Ja, we'll take open source collab cloud

Richard Altmann

Re: So forward looking in Munich

Mate, you wouldn´t want to live in a (small) City where 50% of native inhabitants suffer of Tourette - Syndrom. Libre Office or not. They should have a border. 50m high and backfilled with concrete.

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Richard Altmann

Vorsprung durch Technik

would be Ingolstadt

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Angela Merkel: Let US spies keep their internet. The EU will build its own

Richard Altmann

Re: She is a genius

Yes, and have Siemens have go ... HehehaaaaahaaahaahHa .....

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Richard Altmann

Re: Siemens or some other EU country can make the equipment, no problem there.

Siemens? Don´t make me laugh! They don´t even get a train on the rails.

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Richard Altmann
Happy

decelerate

Backbone: Laser Semaphores

Last Mile: Talking Drums

both Enigma cyphered.

High latency but safe.

Movie streaming might suffer but we are talking safe communication not Entertainment.

Jobs for sub saharan people ...

Must meet noise pollution regulations like airports.

So, no nightly e-mails from the Boss...

Just perfect ...

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LOHAN cops a faceful of Raspberry Pi

Richard Altmann

Re: Fuel

Of course, as someone who used to drink Jagermeister from a pint glass....

Since there´s no cocgnac bowl icon ... Have n´t touched a Jägermeister since 3 decades but a spanish brandy is nothing to cough at.

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Richard Altmann
Pint

Fuel

The main question is: What choice of Brandy put Lester in the state of mind of a 12 year old to enable him to handle the Pi?

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Optical Express 'ruined my life' attack site wins Nominet takedown battle

Richard Altmann
Pint

Re: I married an eye surgeon

So let me put this into one short sentence:

It is now realised that this affects peripheral vision and night vision without the subject being aware of the deficit, and we expect that at some stage (it wil be a while, this is HMG after all) there will be a slew of letters going out to those who've had this treatment (details obtained from the surgical logs under public health regulations, we are talking about the control of large metal things hurtly about the highways at speed) advising them that until they get these factors tested in an extended ophthalmic examination, and pass, that they no longer meet the vision criteria for driving and their licences are accordingly withdrawn.

Have a Pint

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Boffins spot LONE PLANET roaming interstellar void

Richard Altmann

Re: Nah..

Where´s the Klemperer rosette then?

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BOFH: Welcome to Helldesk, ma'am, may I take your bags?

Richard Altmann
Facepalm

Using the mouse on the screen, anyone else?

It must have been the cousin of the lady who tried using the mouse as a pointing device.

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The LSD trick cyclist, the 1980s pop-star and video games to REPROGRAM YOUR BRAIN

Richard Altmann

Where´s the fun

in computer games without a Jolly Good Fellow?

Can´t be bothered

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