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* Posts by Crisp

2034 posts • joined 16 Jan 2012

You've been arrested for computer crime: Here's what happens next

Crisp
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Image hash database

Is this publicly available so that sysadmins can run preventative measures?

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SCIENCE and RELIGION AGREE! LIFE and Man ARE from CLAY

Crisp
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Highly developed organisms such as Register readers?

[Citation Needed]

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Apple: How we slip YOUR data to govts – but, hey, we're not Google

Crisp
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How exactly is this helping to fight "terrorism"?

Are the NSA really that interested in my high score on Plants Vs Zombies?

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Apple patents technology to STALK YOU in your own HOME

Crisp
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A person can set a schedule controlling the heating or cooling of his house.

I'm pretty sure I already have a device in my house that's doing that right at the moment.

And my oven already has a timer on it.

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Thought you didn't need to show ID in the UK? Wrong

Crisp
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That's Theresa May for you.

She can't get her own house in order (remember that fiasco with her border staff just letting everyone through because they were "under staffed"), so she's very neatly trying to sweep the problem under someone elses rug.

Most landlords have a hard enough time maintaining their properties. They have neither the time, nor the qualifications to verify the identity and eligibility of someone to stay in the UK. Hell, if the Home Office itself can't figure out who's legally entitled to live in the UK, how is a landlord?

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The 10 most INHUMAN bosses you'll encounter: A Reg reader's guide

Crisp
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Re: Yup. That's me.

I am at work.

My code's compiling.

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Tim Cook stands firmly behind pro-LGBT, anti-discrimination law

Crisp
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Nice to see America catching up to the rest of the civilised world.

"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal" seems like a nice place to start. I read that in a declaration of independence somewhere.

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If you're not paying, you're product: If you ARE paying, it's no better

Crisp
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Possessions are fleeting

And so it would seem, is data.

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UK.gov BANS iPads from Cabinet over foreign eavesdropper fears

Crisp
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Better late than never Gov.UK

In future, I recommend closing the stable door before the horse has bolted.

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Win XP? Your PLAGUE risk is SIX times that of Win 8 - NOW

Crisp
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Trollface

Re: Maths fail.

Well done. Have .1 of a cake.

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Crisp
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Re: Is that...

That's because anyone running XP 64-bit has to be a freaking wizard to get any drivers to work with it!

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Nokia wins UK patent spat: Quick, let's boot HTC One out of Blighty

Crisp
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Re: Oh my

I full support the call for a George Takei Icon.

(even though George Takei is an icon)

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HTC phone STOPS BULLET, saves Florida gas station clerk's life

Crisp
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That is freaking AWESOME!

And good to know that in a pinch, my HTC can be used as a bullet proof vest panel.

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HP fires sue-ray at makers of Blu-Ray

Crisp
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Yeah, you can guarantee that we're already being gouged by the current price fixing scandal that will only come to light in 2020.

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ROBOT PODS to INVADE Milton Keynes in frenzied automatic MAYHEM

Crisp
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£2 per journey?

Why so much? Is each pod equipped with a mini bar and a monkey butler?

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Syrian Electronic Army claims Obama social media hijacking

Crisp
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I'd have thought that the President would have had better security

If they skimp on security to the point where a bunch of script kiddies can crack his accounts, I wonder what the rest of their security is like?

You could probably break into the White House if you know which rock they hide the front door key under.

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Call yourself a 'hacker', watch your ex-boss seize your PC without warning

Crisp
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Necessary computer skills and intent

Hang on. Hacker == Intent?

Is having the necessary computer skills really the same as going equipped to cause damage?

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Payday loan firms are the WORST. Ugh, my mobe's FILLED with filthy SPAM

Crisp
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Re: @#$!!

I wouldn't mind getting spam at all if I was paid for it.

I think that £1 per message would do it.

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Hard-as-woodpecker-lips MOUSE GOBBLES live scorpion, LAUGHS off stings to face

Crisp
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Pint

Quite possibly the hardest mouse in the world.

I bet he drinks Carling Black Label

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Intel: Our first five parallel-computing schools are open for business

Crisp
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Easy Access to Parallel Computing

Nvidia's CUDA is a great introduction to parallel computing. Recently, I've been looking at CUDA to do financial calculations. A problem that lends itself very well to parallel computing, as there are a lot of calculations that don't depend on the results of others.

Rather than go through each transaction sequentially, work can be divided up and farmed out to the graphics card and the length of the task is shorter by orders of magnitude.

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Surface Pro 2: It's TOOL-PROOF and ultimately destined for LANDFILL

Crisp
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No User Serviceable Parts Inside

Challenge Accepted!

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THIS is the kind of clout a British Prime Minister has: Facebook pulls ONE beheading vid

Crisp
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Does the PM think that Zuckerberg himself is posting each individual video?

It would be "irresponsible of Facebook to post beheading videos" if Facebook were doing that. But it's not. It's a piece of software.

It is the [b]people using the software[/b] that are the problem!

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UK.gov open to hiring EX-CON hackers for cyber reserves

Crisp
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Hiring convicted hackers

Would it not make more sense to hire the ones that don't make a habit of getting caught? I'm no expert, but I'd have thought that not getting caught would be the defining characteristic that separates the skilled hackers from the regular ones.

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Swedish teen's sex video fine slashed: Unwilling co-star girlfriend furious

Crisp
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Paris Hilton

Re: "It feels like a slap in the face"

Was she copying the Tulisa Contostavlos sex vid?

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HP CEO Whitman: We've built the PC that GOD wants

Crisp
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What would a god need with a computer?

See title.

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Unsupervised Brit kids are meeting STRANGERS from the INTERNET

Crisp
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Re: So far I've avoided goatse.

Be grateful that no one has shown you lemonparty yet.

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Crisp
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How are children still getting access to unsecured computers?

I remember a time when there was a simple way to stop children from using computers that they weren't supposed to. There was a lock on the front panel that would disable the keyboard.

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MoJ fined £140K for EMAILING privates of 1,000 inmates

Crisp
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Once is careless, but three times?

Are they absolutely sure this is a mistake?

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If there's somethin' strange in your network 'hood. Who y'gonna call? Google's DDoS-busters

Crisp
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No Technical Details?

For all we know Google could be selling a rock that keeps DDoS attacks away.

Had a denial of service attack? No? The rock must be working then!

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Hands up, who couldn't post to Facebook today? Oh, MILLIONS of you

Crisp
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"posting status updates on the free content ad network"

"posting status updates on the content free ad network"

FTFY

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MPs to grill Facebook: You're going to let our teens do WHAT?

Crisp
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Hosts

www.facebook.com 127.0.0.1

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Crisp
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Now that MP's have stepped in to fix the problem

This whole thing should be cleared up nice and sharpish.

I'm sure that the Right Honourable Members of Parliament will tackle this with the usual skill and aptitude that they've displayed with every other IT related issue.

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Bacteria-chomping phages could kill off HOSPITAL SUPERBUGS

Crisp
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Re: Giant person-eating super-phages

When they get large enough to be visible to the naked eye, couldn't we just hit them with a baseball bat?

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Forget Wi-Fi, boffins get 150Mbps Li-Fi connection from a lightbulb

Crisp
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How many polite, competent network engineers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Both of them.

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Snap-happy blogger babe posts catcalling blokes' mugshots online

Crisp
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Revenge

Starting a cycle of revenge is probably not the best way to settle this issue once and for all.

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Terminator-style robot busts leg in martial arts demo mishap

Crisp
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Before pics are useless without After pics

See title.

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MPs to review laws on UK spy-snoopery after GCHQ Tempora leaks

Crisp
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Agencies seek to find the needles in the haystacks

Might I suggest that they use a magnet rather than a flamethrower to find them?

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Behold, the MONSTER-CLAWED critter and its terrifying SPIDER BRAIN

Crisp
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Re: land-based nasties so bad?

Eat a Honeypot Ant and tell me that doesn't taste good!

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Ubisoft's Watch Dogs muzzled by delays

Crisp
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It didn't happen with Uplink

It wont happen with Watch Dogs.

Those spooks don't know what they are talking about.

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US parents proclaim 811 'Messiahs'

Crisp
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That would make their son King Joke.

That's not a very nice name for King Joke.

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PLEASE let us build Fruit Loop Central, Apple begs Cupertino City

Crisp
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Re: Anus horribilis

Surely you mean annus?

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Cannabis can CURE CANCER - cheaply and without getting you high

Crisp
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Cannabis cures cancer?

I know some people that are going to live for ever!

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Thousands! of! Yahoo! Mail! users! driven! crazy! by! revamp!

Crisp
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Yahoo Articles

Yahoo articles are less annoying if you interpret each on of those ! as a "Boing!" sound.

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Now that's real science: CYBORG MONKEYS with PROSTHETIC ARMS

Crisp
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Replacement limbs for American troops

As soon as I read that, my first thought was of that guy from Starship Troopers

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Smile for the cops! Sexy Snapchat selfies' self-destruct scrubbed by search warrants

Crisp
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Re: I take it we're talking pedos trading CP here?

No we're probably talking about kids trading their selfies with other kids.

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Snowden's email provider Lavabit flows again to let users retrieve data

Crisp
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Re: I believe this is a trap

Where's Admiral Ackbar when you need him?

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Oracle says open source has no place in military apps

Crisp
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Turkeys campaigning against xmas has started early

Software house would rather people bought their product rather than roll their own?

Who'd of thought it?

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Let police track you through your mobe - it's for your OWN GOOD

Crisp
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Re: importance of having a mobile phone in the car

Get a cheap nokia brick phone like a Nokia 5100 and keep it in the glove box. It'll hold it's charge for ages, and it will let you make emergency calls even without a sim.

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