* Posts by Crisp

2101 posts • joined 16 Jan 2012

Fancy knocking off early? Just run our fake computer crash 'virus', say admen

Crisp
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Pint

This can be solved with proper Reverse Management.

Delegate upwards, and they wont have time to notice that you've slipped out for a quiet beer :)

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Blighty's top moneymen: Hackers are SLURPING CASH direct from banks

Crisp
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£1.3 Million

Still a drop in the ocean compared to the obscene level of "bonuses" some bank staff get.

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Google in Dutch: Privacy changes BREAK data law, says Netherlands

Crisp
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"It is almost impossible not to use Google services on the internet."

It's not even close to impossible. Has Jacob Kohnstamm even actually tried using the internet without using Google?

I don't think he has.

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Microsoft hires Pawn Stars to shaft Google

Crisp
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Re: !Subtle under tones

REMINDS AMERICAN WORDS REALLY AWAY SORT REPEATS MESSAGE OBVIOUSLY NEED MANY. ADVERT EMPHASIZE WATCHING MESSAGE. MESSAGES VIDEO EMPHASISED MESSAGE. SUMMING MESSAGE LAST MESSAGE THAT.

Damn. It doesn't look like there's a secret message in there at all. Maybe there's some other kind of cypher I'm missing.

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Crisp
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Really hardcore computer users don't use linux or windows

They write their own operating systems from scratch!

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DVLA declares J14 HAD on BU14 SHT and SL14 AGS

Crisp
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Dirty minded people at the DVLA

It's a bit of a stretch to see those strings of letters and numbers. The DVLA are acting like schoolboys that have just discovered that they can look up "rude" words in the dictionary.

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GCHQ was called in to crack password in Watkins child abuse case

Crisp
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Re: nobody is that stupid

You'd be surprised how cocky some criminals will get.

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Telcos can be forced to turn copyright cop, block websites – EU law man

Crisp
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Why do these idiots insist on trying to tackle the wrong end of the problem?

The European Court of Justice should have made sure that Pedro Cruz Villalón knew how the internet worked before letting him embarrass them like this.

Using ISP's to regulate access to the internet has been tried before and it's failed spectacularly. In the case of The Pirate Bay, it caused the site to go from just a single site and a handful of mirrors into a distributed mirrored site with urls into the hundreds.

Pedro Cruz Villalón should study the problem he proposes to solve so that he doesn't make the situation worse.

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Sysadmin job ad: 'If you don’t mind really bad work-life balance, this is for you'

Crisp
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4 Jobs rolled into one!

So that's like 4 paychecks rolled into one, right?

Right...?

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Angela Merkel's phone was being listened in on by FIVE foreign powers

Crisp
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Boffin

Re: Never underestimate a starving hacker.

If he's a Nork hacker then he's probably got a gun to his head.

And if Swordfish taught us anything, it's that hackers with a gun to their head code approximately 182% faster.

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Supermodel Lily Cole in Impossible partnership with Jimbo Wales, YOU

Crisp
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What exactly is Lily Coles relevance?

She didn't write it, she probably wont use it, and she's managed to get hold of £200,000 of tax payers money to do it.

You could quite easily replace Lily with any other meat puppet and the result would be exactly the same.

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What's wrong with Britain's computer scientists?

Crisp
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Computer Science is to Developers...

As Physics is to Builders.

We need Builders that can construct a sturdy erection. Not Physicists that can tell us why it stays up.

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SILENCE of the OWLS may mean real-life 'Whisper Mode' for Black Helicopters

Crisp
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Black Helicopters

A quieter helicopter?

Does this mean an end to the sleep deprived nights caused by police choppers circling over my house?

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'Best known female architect' angrily defends gigantic vagina

Crisp
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"Everything with a hole in it is a vagina?"

Well it doesn't look like a giant penis.

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We're making TOO MUCH CASH, say CryptoLocker scum in ransom price cut

Crisp
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Re: The thing that gets me...

Who doesn't back up valuable data?

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Crisp
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The thing that gets me...

Is that people are actually paying the ransom!

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New NSA leak reveals invasion of the management consultants

Crisp
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That's blue sky thinking right there...

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What turns Americans on? Everything but XMAS and OSAMA

Crisp
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Coffee/keyboard

"only to shoot up in huge spurts for the rest of the day."

Jasper Hamill, you can expect an invoice for a new keyboard in 2 - 3 working days.

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Ditch your boring iPhone for a hot Android piece, says Google's TOTALLY UNBIASED Eric Schmidt

Crisp
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Eric Schmidt

Sounds like someone has a high opinion of themselves.

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Vintage WINE laid down in SIXTEEN HUNDRED BC was 'psychotropic'

Crisp
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Re: solve the middle east crisis once and for all!

We could start with air drops of chocolate brownies.

If that fails to pacify the region, we can gradually increase the dose.

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US Judge strikes out COMPUTER/HUMAN LOVE patent

Crisp
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Re: if the judge ordered the execution

I for one would support this wholeheartedly as long as the executions were televised.

Two Patent Trolls Enter! One Patent Troll Leaves!

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Racing Post p0wned, accounts accessed and passwords pinched

Crisp
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Pay peanuts for web developers

And this is the quality of site you get.

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Mystery traffic redirection attack pulls net traffic through Belarus, Iceland

Crisp
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Everybody above this line

Has been trolled.

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The latest stupid yoof craze: Taking selfies - while DRIVING

Crisp
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Re: heh

You don't have to kill yourself to win a darwin award. All you have to do is remove yourself from the genepool. I think there's more than one guy that it's been awarded to for removing their ability to reproduce.

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Cryptolocker infects cop PC: Massachusetts plod fork out Bitcoin ransom

Crisp
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Whatever happened to not negotiating with criminals or terrorists?

When someone holds you to ransom, the last thing you should do is validate their behaviour by paying it!

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XBOX ONE ROUNDUP-of-the-ROUNDUPS: Everything YOU need to know

Crisp
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Re: The Million Dollar Question...

Some Linux user you are then.

If you can't recompile the kernel to run on that device then you should turn in your Linux card now!

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Dry, cold and volatile: How to survive Mars, and your fellow crew

Crisp
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They do a lot of work on the psychological of people

I'm sure they do.

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Darknet: It's not just for DRUGS. Ninja Banking Trojan uses it too

Crisp
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Enterprise level malware

Except that their helpdesk probably actually works.

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Prime Minister David Cameron in TWITTER HOOKER SHAME

Crisp
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MPs having heterosexual relations?

There's your scandal right there!

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US senator asks: Will Bitcoin replace Swiss bank accounts?

Crisp
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Re: Yes, HSBC Bank.................

$500M is nothing to them. They made so much more than that laundering money for criminals.

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You THINK you're watching your LG smart TV - but IT's WATCHING YOU, baby

Crisp
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Any comment from the Police Central e-crime Unit El Reg?

C'mon! You're supposed to be journalists! Ask questions!

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Biggest quantum cluster does not compute ... yet

Crisp
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"quantum leap”

The smallest possible amount of leap.

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Barclays Online OFFLINE: UK bank site, mobile app go titsup for the evening

Crisp
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Re: How hard is it to have multiple bank accounts and paypal?

Yeah, if you had two bank accounts, you could just log on to the barclays website and transfer your wages into your other account....

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Underage teens' Facebook posts are still FACE ACHE ads ... bitch

Crisp
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Adblock

In your face Zuckerberg!

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Google, Microsoft to drop child sex abuse from basic web search

Crisp
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I'm no expert in criminal behaviour

But I'm pretty certain that evil pedoterrorists aren't going around typing "kiddie porn" into google to get their kicks. Call me cynical, but I think this is a PR move that's likely to do more harm than good. A false sense of security is worse than no security at all.

Seriously, who thinks this stuff up?

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BT Openreach boss QUITS to quench ambitious thirst

Crisp
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Severn Trent

I walk past three Severn Trent leaks on my way to work every morning. They have been there for at least 2 years.

Unless Liv Garfield is handy with a wrench, I don't see Severn Trent's shareholders gaining anything from this.

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Build your own WORKING Sonic Screwdriver... for a UNDER A FIVER

Crisp
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Sonic Screwdriver? Who uses those any more?

I want to see El Reg's article on building your own laser screwdriver!

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File-NUKING Cryptolocker PC malware MENACES 'TENS of MILLIONS' in UK

Crisp
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What is the UK National Crime Agency doing about this besides sending out warnings?

Because, let's face it: my little sister could do that.

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Apple, for one, welcomes its ROBOT factory OVERLORDS

Crisp
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"restricted substances and green chemistry"

It's exactly as dodgy as it sounds!

Nice job title though :) What's the pay like?

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Dark HEAVY METAL star fires up jets, vomits hot ROCK into space

Crisp
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Re: mining

I don't know. Get a tight beam microwave transmitter, aim it at Earth and in a few thousand years, free electricity for all!

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Murdoch stands between your kids and filth with BSkyB network-level SHIELD

Crisp
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No Technical Details?

How does this filter work exactly?

Are they analysing every packet? Is it a DNS block? Some sort of URL filter?

How far does this network level filter go?

So many unanswered questions.

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Coroner suggests cars should block mobile phones

Crisp
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Re: Using a phone while driving?

Yeah, but what if all the dumb people in cars talking on their mobile phone run over all the smart people?

Before you know it, we've all got the average IQ of the Houses of Parliament.

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How d'ya make a JPMorgan banker cry? Ask him questions on Twitter

Crisp
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That wasn't trolling.

That was Great Justice!

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Smartphone addicts go floppy under the sheets, warns DOCTOR WANG

Crisp
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Mr Floppy?

No! Not the Melty Man!

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QUANTUM COMPUTER in WORLD RECORD qubit stunner

Crisp
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Re: What can you do with a single qubit?

You'd think a single bit of information would be totally useless too. But then where would we be without light switches?

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Canadian teens cuffed over alleged Snapchat child sex pics ring

Crisp
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The boys would probably be getting done for creating child porn as well then.

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Want to BUILD YOUR OWN Tardis? First, get a star and set it spinning...

Crisp
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Re: c as a constant

Because there's an awful lot of other things we can test that depend on c being a constant. For example: the fine structure constant Alpha, and the decay rate of Cobalt 56 (see the observations of SN1987A).

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Crisp
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Imagine space-time is like a huge rubber sheet.

Space-time is easily wiped clean and wont let anything stain your mattress?

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The TRUTH about mystery Trojan found in SPAAACE

Crisp
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Trojans in space

I immediately thought of those asteroids that float around Lagrangian points.

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MIT boffins show off spooky human action at a distance

Crisp
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Re: Cool.

SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY!

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