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* Posts by Crisp

2080 posts • joined 16 Jan 2012

Candy Crush dev stuffs EU 'candy' trademark down gob

Crisp
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Re: I can finally release my game Kandy Krush without fear of prosecution!

Unless it got confused with Kandy Magazine's Krush.

Possibly NSFW.

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Crisp
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Like taking candy from a public domain baby.

It's a bit cheeky, copying someone else's game mechanism and then trying to claim it as your own IP!

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Virgin Media's 'little(ish)' book of deals contained BIG FIBS, rules ad watchdog

Crisp
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Virgin Media has been walloped by Britain's advertising watchdog!

Awesome! Finally the ASA has taken a firm hand with blatant lies in advertising!

"Virgin Media was told that the ad must not appear again in its current form."

Oh :( That was a bit of a let down.

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Our robot overlords won't be evil cyborgs: Prepare for whisker-equipped ROBO-KITTIES

Crisp
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Re: Pussy whipped?

You've pawssibly stumbled onto a great application there. Patent it before someone whiskers it away!

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MPAA spots a Google Glass guy in cinema, calls HOMELAND SECURITY

Crisp
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Meanwhile: Real terrorists proceed unmolested.

The american stazi have got an awful lot of free time on their hands if they can waste resources like this.

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Sweet work, fellas: Boffins build high-density battery powered by sugar

Crisp
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Get over here and give me some sugar!

My batteries are running low.

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UK smut filter may have sent game patch to sin-bin

Crisp
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The filter is working exactly as predicted.

Why is anyone surprised? The vast majority of savvy El Reg readers said it would do this, and lo it has come to pass!

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CERN boffins fire ANTI-HYDROGEN BEAM

Crisp
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I for one welcome our new death ray wielding overlords.

See Title.

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Ex-Google, Mozilla bods to outwit EVIL BOTS with 'polymorphic' defence

Crisp
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Re: Write me a thousand lines of bug free code.

That's easy!

10 PRINT "Hello, world!"

20 PRINT "Hello, world!"

....

996 similar lines snipped.

....

9990 PRINT "Hello, world!"

10000 PRINT "Hello, world!"

There you go! Totally bug free!

(It doesn't do anything, but then that wasn't in the requirements)

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Crisp
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It seems like a rather long winded way to say:

Security through Obscurity.

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ESA rejoices as comet-chasing Rosetta probe wakes from 3-year nap

Crisp
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Re: @AC 09:54

Excellent idea! We should be able to upvote/downvote articles.

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Hacker breaks into ThrustVPS, launches phishing attack from firm's own servers

Crisp
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Nice to see ThrustVPS setting a good example.

I'd like to see more companies displaying that kind of honesty.

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Devs write 'film my shag' sex app for Google Glass

Crisp
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You want me to do what?

Ok Glass, look up the wikihow article for that...

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Pregnant? Celebrate your proudest moment ... by 3D-printing a copy of the foetus

Crisp
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Oh that is all kinds of wrong!

Smack bang right in the middle of the uncanny valley.

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Brit boffin tests LETTUCE as wire for future computers

Crisp
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Sorry, computers are all down

We've had a massive outbreak of greenfly.

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THOUSANDS of UK.gov Win XP PCs to face April hacker storm... including boxes at TAXMAN, NHS

Crisp
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Management drag their heels on keeping tools up to date.

And then blame everyone but themselves years later when those tools fail.

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Use strong passwords and install antivirus, mmkay? UK.gov pushes awareness campaign

Crisp
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Re: Grandma come to teach mind, and suck eggs?

And she's all out of eggs.

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Crisp
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Use strong, memorable passwords

As soon as developers start building systems that will accept something like "Correct Horse Battery Staple" as a strong password, I will!

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Remember when SimCity ABSOLUTELY HAD to be online? Not any more – fancy that!

Crisp
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Maxis Lied.

It's ok El Reg. I'll say it if you wont.

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Sniff, sniff, what's that burning smell? Oh, it's Google's patent-filing office working flat out

Crisp
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Sounds like a Patent Denial of Service Attack

With Google flooding the patent office with requests, it should prevent other patent trolls from being able to get a successful request through.

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Twitter: It's JUST LIKE Elder Scrolls (no it's not)

Crisp
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Leisure Suit Larry in the Land of the Lounge Lizards

It's had a reboot and the new version evoked a lot of nostalgia in me when I played it.

It's even got the age verification questions at the start!

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Never mind bungled Universal Credit rollout, Maude wants UK to be 'most digital' gov by 2015

Crisp
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After the General Election

I'm hoping to see record lows of Labour, Liberal and Tory MP's in office.

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Twitter co-founder wraps tentacles around Q&A market, squirts out Jelly

Crisp
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What goes on in the Facebook/Twitter hive mind?

I'm going to guess that a good 60% of it is about the weather at the moment.

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Circuits so flexible they'd wrap around your hair

Crisp
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Re: Harvesting spare static electricity

I'd have thought a better solution would be those power cells that metabolise glucose.

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Virgin Media spanked by ad watchdog over 'in your neighbourhood' fibs

Crisp
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It's not just the lies

It's the constant stream of spam they feed through my letterbox offering me new customer deals.

What's even worse is that I'm already a subscriber!

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NHS carelessly slings out care.data plans to 26.5 million Brits

Crisp
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If they are anything like ATOS

None of the information they hold on me will be relevant or accurate.

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Gorilla Glass fights dirty, dirty germs with antimicrobial coating

Crisp
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If it's my fondleslab...

Then aren't those my germs? Ones that I'm already immune to or part of my normal skin flora and fauna?

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NSA refuses to deny spying on members of Congress

Crisp
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Didn't they do that all the time during the McCarthy era?

Correct me if I'm wrong, but the FBI were watching all sorts of elected officials at the time.

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Scientists discover supervolcano trigger that could herald humanity's doom

Crisp
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Re: Anyone got a map?

I don't think you get the scale of these things. You're probably going to want to build your house on a different planet.

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Kepler data yields Earth-mass 'gas giant'

Crisp
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KOI-314c

Why do I get the feeling that exoplanet hunters will be carping on about this for some time?

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Malware! tainted! ads! infect! thousands! of! Yahoo! users!

Crisp
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Re: The real story here

Money changed hands somewhere. I'm sure that they'll be able to dig out a receipt when the police come along to give them the 6 o'clock knock.

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Crisp
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The real story here

Is that no one has been arrested for this yet.

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Justice Ministry to spaff £70k finding out how prisoners like to use ILLEGAL mobes

Crisp
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It's a frigging prision.

Shouldn't be too difficult to erect some kind of cage around it.

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'BILLION-YEAR DISK' to help FUTURE LIFEFORMS study us

Crisp
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Re: Since when does digital data need a permanent medium in the ranges of millions of years?

Since about a million years from now when the first settlers on 55 Cancri e wake up from their long sleep and need to start building their civilisation with the tools that they bought with them.

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Alicia Keys throws in towel on BlackBerry's creative director job

Crisp
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Alicia Keys as creative director?

I can't imagine anything more demotivating for the poor sods at Blackberry that actually do the work.

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Jokesters develop new cryptocurrency using Kanye West's FACE

Crisp
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Can you buy fish sticks with it?

How many fish sticks will a CoinYe buy you?

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Drug dealer demands jail to escape 'unbearable' missus after NYE row

Crisp
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Couldn't he have waited until she went down the shops?

Seems a bit extreme just to get a bit of alone time!

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Alien SUPER-EARTH: If there is LIFE up there, it'll be moaning about the weather

Crisp
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There has got to be a way to get a probe out there (eventually)

I know it would take a while, but I'd love to take a gander at these worlds up close!

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Blame Silicon Valley for the NSA's data slurp... and what to do about it

Crisp
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Lobbying

It's just a fancy word for bribe.

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Suffering SPITZER! Boffins discover Milky Way's MISSING ARMS

Crisp
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How do they know that they're arms and not legs?

See title.

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No anon pr0n for you: BT's network-level 'smut' filters will catch proxy servers too

Crisp
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@Maharg

I pay my Virgin Media bill every month. And in that bill I get the basic TV package bundled in.

Even though I just want internet access.

So I'm paying for it anyway. Even though I don't watch it.

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Crisp
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Re: how to watch the Daily Show int he UK

Bugger. I failed step 1. No TV.

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Go on, buy Bitcoin. But DON'T say we didn't WARN YOU

Crisp
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Too be fair

A lot of those risks are the same with regular currency.

There's nothing that the EBA can do if someone nicks my leather wallet either.

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Is Google prepping an ARMY of WALKING ROBOTS?

Crisp
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Is Google expanding their searches to the real world?

Ok, Glass. Where did I leave my keys?

(Robot scurries off to retrieve them)

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Nominet seeks royal approval for pisspoor .uk domain name push

Crisp
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Reminds me of the whole .co.uk vs .com thing 15 years ago.

People would pay more for the .com name because they saw it as more prestigious.

I actually had a client ask me once which was better... And they refused to believe me when I told them there was functionally no difference.

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Jupiter moon Europa spotted spraying WATER into SPAAACCCEE

Crisp
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We send probes to other bodies all the time.

Why can't we send one to Europa to basically melt its way through the ice, then fire a submarine probe down there?

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Steelie Neelie: EU biz can use YOUR private data WITHOUT PERMISSION

Crisp
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Well what's sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander

Do we have to actually ask businesses for their data or can we just take it?

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Boffins: On my command, unleash REMOTE CONTROL BULL SPERM

Crisp
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"We're going to inject you will bull semen Mr Smith"

Are you absolutely sure you're a doctor?

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Ballmer: 'We made more money than almost anybody on the PLANET'

Crisp
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We made more money than almost anybody on the PLANET

And yet he says that like it's a good thing.

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Cut through the winter chill with these Rupert Murdoch tweeting cards

Crisp
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Re: Don't encourage the old git

Only if he doesn't get the death sentence.

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