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* Posts by Crisp

2034 posts • joined 16 Jan 2012

Steelie Neelie: EU biz can use YOUR private data WITHOUT PERMISSION

Crisp
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Well what's sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander

Do we have to actually ask businesses for their data or can we just take it?

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Boffins: On my command, unleash REMOTE CONTROL BULL SPERM

Crisp
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"We're going to inject you will bull semen Mr Smith"

Are you absolutely sure you're a doctor?

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Ballmer: 'We made more money than almost anybody on the PLANET'

Crisp
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We made more money than almost anybody on the PLANET

And yet he says that like it's a good thing.

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Cut through the winter chill with these Rupert Murdoch tweeting cards

Crisp
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Re: Don't encourage the old git

Only if he doesn't get the death sentence.

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Hot Stuff! NASA mulls 'urgent' space walk as ISS cooler conks out

Crisp
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Do the pipes go....

'nurieek', 'rotut', 'hernunger'?

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Crisp
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DIY in space

Well who else is going to do it? It's a bit of a long trek to get a repair man in.

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Bloke, 27, cuffed, charged over stolen selfie smut site UGotPosted

Crisp
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Re: If

Why are you blaming the victim AC?

If it was your pictures up there of you in the buff, along with your personal contact information would you still have the same attitude? Do you think that the site owner was right to charge extortionate amounts of money to maybe take them down?

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French gov used fake Google certificate to read its workers' traffic

Crisp
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Human Error

Human error is when you make an accidental mistake.

This wasn't human error, this was deliberate.

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Microsoft: Don't listen to 4chan ... especially the bit about bricking Xbox Ones

Crisp
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But the people on 4chan are always so nice!

They are some of the most kind and honest people I've seen on the internet.

Why The Register of all publications would try and besmirch the good name of this wholesome family friendly site is beyond me.

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MPs: Ancient UK Border Force systems let GANGSTERS into Blighty

Crisp
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Even in the criminal underworld

The rich get all the perks.

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Universal Credit: £40 MILLION and counting's been spaffed up the wall on useless IT gear

Crisp
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"£91m in IT assets will be worthless five years from now"

Code that works is an asset. Code that doesn't work is a liability.

"code worth £91m would only be used until a "digital solution" is implemented."

Ah, no wonder the code doesn't work. It's an analogue code solution!

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Shivering boffins nail Earth's coldest spot

Crisp
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So what you're saying is...

If I'm going to Antarctica, I ought to pack a sweater?

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Malware+pr0n surge follows police op to kill illicit streaming sites

Crisp
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City of London Police

I always thought that it was the job of the police to protect law and order. Not act as the private army of corporations.

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UK.gov declares digital success as PR, food shops redefined as 'tech' businesses

Crisp
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I've redefined dog poop as steak.

But for some reason, it still tastes like shit.

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Romance is dead: Part-time model slings $1.5bn SUEBALL at Match.com

Crisp
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You'd be surprised about what you can learn about a photo with Tineye

It's like the Google of images.

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To fel with you! There's an NSA spook in my World of Warcraft

Crisp
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By Grabthar's hammer!

That's one hell of a headline! :)

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If you want an IT job you'll need more than a degree, say top techies

Crisp
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CWJobs

I put my CV on there and all I got were calls from agencies. Endless calls from people asking me if I wanted a job requiring C# .net skills. (Yeah, but doing what?). Calls from people that couldn't tell the difference between Java and JavaScript.

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PayPal 13 plead guilty to launching DDoS attacks

Crisp
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What is the difference (if any) between the following:

1) Using LOIC during a coordinated attack.

2) Using LOIC by yourself.

3) Leaving a brick on F5.

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Developer unleashes bowel-shaking KILLER APP for Google Glass

Crisp
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Re: Further proof that these things are childish toys.

I for one like playing with childish toys.

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Mexican Cobalt-60 robbers are DEAD MEN, say authorities

Crisp
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Re: This should be the standard punishment...

Arson, Murder and jaywalking...

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One-minute Koch-blocking earns attacker two years, massive fine

Crisp
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Re: Backtraced eh?

He should have used 7 proxies.

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Lightning strikes USB bosses: Next-gen jacks will be REVERSIBLE

Crisp
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Where are the juicy pictures?

If ever an article needed a few visual aids it was this one!

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UK.gov to warn tweeting twits, celebs 'n' pals on court case comments

Crisp
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Re: If it's such an offence. Then why hasn't Peaches Geldof been arrested?

There's a risk of those two poor babies being identified.

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Crisp
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If it's such an offence. Then why hasn't Peaches Geldof been arrested?

A few high profile prosecutions making an example of people that flout the law should do the trick.

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Accused Glasshole driver says specs weren't even turned on for traffic stop

Crisp
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Re: balaclava, shotgun and a crowbar

"balaclava, shotgun and a crowbar"

Even without the shotgun, the police would call that going equipped.

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Crisp
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I'm guessing that her defence for doing 80 in a 65 zone will be:

If my Google Glass was turned on, I'd be able to prove that I wasn't doing 80mph.

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ASA slaps down BT over 'misleading' broadband claims

Crisp
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BSkyB makes one complaint about BT, and the ASA listens.

Thousands of us make complaints about BT, and the ASA does nothing.

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IT MELTDOWN ruins Cyber Monday for RBS, Natwest customers

Crisp
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Again?

Once? Ok, everyone has the odd hiccup here and there.

Twice? Really? Well hopefully they've learned their lessons now...

Again? This is starting to look less like random glitches and more like rank incompetence.

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Saturn's moon Titan had swamps, say astroboffins

Crisp
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I say we send a rag tag team of scientists to investigate.

Although I think someone's already made that movie.

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Inside IBM's vomit-inducing, noise-free future chip lab

Crisp
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What are you doing tonight Emanuel Loertscher?

"Oh I'm just hanging out in my noise proof/mobile phone proof underground laboratory."

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That toolbar you downloaded is malware? Tough, read the EULA

Crisp
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Re: Meh… EULAs

As a consumer, there's no way any contract can remove or override your statutory rights under UK law.

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Google in Dutch: Privacy changes BREAK data law, says Netherlands

Crisp
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Re: Google Analytics / Google Ads

There's a list of Google domains on Wikipedia. Copy and past to your hosts file and redirect to 127.0.0.1.

Job done. You can now safely surf the internet without using Google.

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Crisp
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"It is almost impossible not to use Google services on the internet."

It's not even close to impossible. Has Jacob Kohnstamm even actually tried using the internet without using Google?

I don't think he has.

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BOFH: It's DANGEROUS to go alone. Take THIS

Crisp
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Pint

In any good bar

There's always a pool table.

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Fancy knocking off early? Just run our fake computer crash 'virus', say admen

Crisp
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Pint

This can be solved with proper Reverse Management.

Delegate upwards, and they wont have time to notice that you've slipped out for a quiet beer :)

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Blighty's top moneymen: Hackers are SLURPING CASH direct from banks

Crisp
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£1.3 Million

Still a drop in the ocean compared to the obscene level of "bonuses" some bank staff get.

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Microsoft hires Pawn Stars to shaft Google

Crisp
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Re: !Subtle under tones

REMINDS AMERICAN WORDS REALLY AWAY SORT REPEATS MESSAGE OBVIOUSLY NEED MANY. ADVERT EMPHASIZE WATCHING MESSAGE. MESSAGES VIDEO EMPHASISED MESSAGE. SUMMING MESSAGE LAST MESSAGE THAT.

Damn. It doesn't look like there's a secret message in there at all. Maybe there's some other kind of cypher I'm missing.

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Crisp
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Really hardcore computer users don't use linux or windows

They write their own operating systems from scratch!

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DVLA declares J14 HAD on BU14 SHT and SL14 AGS

Crisp
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Dirty minded people at the DVLA

It's a bit of a stretch to see those strings of letters and numbers. The DVLA are acting like schoolboys that have just discovered that they can look up "rude" words in the dictionary.

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GCHQ was called in to crack password in Watkins child abuse case

Crisp
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Re: nobody is that stupid

You'd be surprised how cocky some criminals will get.

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Telcos can be forced to turn copyright cop, block websites – EU law man

Crisp
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Why do these idiots insist on trying to tackle the wrong end of the problem?

The European Court of Justice should have made sure that Pedro Cruz Villalón knew how the internet worked before letting him embarrass them like this.

Using ISP's to regulate access to the internet has been tried before and it's failed spectacularly. In the case of The Pirate Bay, it caused the site to go from just a single site and a handful of mirrors into a distributed mirrored site with urls into the hundreds.

Pedro Cruz Villalón should study the problem he proposes to solve so that he doesn't make the situation worse.

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Sysadmin job ad: 'If you don’t mind really bad work-life balance, this is for you'

Crisp
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4 Jobs rolled into one!

So that's like 4 paychecks rolled into one, right?

Right...?

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Angela Merkel's phone was being listened in on by FIVE foreign powers

Crisp
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Boffin

Re: Never underestimate a starving hacker.

If he's a Nork hacker then he's probably got a gun to his head.

And if Swordfish taught us anything, it's that hackers with a gun to their head code approximately 182% faster.

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Supermodel Lily Cole in Impossible partnership with Jimbo Wales, YOU

Crisp
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What exactly is Lily Coles relevance?

She didn't write it, she probably wont use it, and she's managed to get hold of £200,000 of tax payers money to do it.

You could quite easily replace Lily with any other meat puppet and the result would be exactly the same.

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What's wrong with Britain's computer scientists?

Crisp
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Computer Science is to Developers...

As Physics is to Builders.

We need Builders that can construct a sturdy erection. Not Physicists that can tell us why it stays up.

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SILENCE of the OWLS may mean real-life 'Whisper Mode' for Black Helicopters

Crisp
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Black Helicopters

A quieter helicopter?

Does this mean an end to the sleep deprived nights caused by police choppers circling over my house?

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'Best known female architect' angrily defends gigantic vagina

Crisp
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"Everything with a hole in it is a vagina?"

Well it doesn't look like a giant penis.

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We're making TOO MUCH CASH, say CryptoLocker scum in ransom price cut

Crisp
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Re: The thing that gets me...

Who doesn't back up valuable data?

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New NSA leak reveals invasion of the management consultants

Crisp
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That's blue sky thinking right there...

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What turns Americans on? Everything but XMAS and OSAMA

Crisp
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Coffee/keyboard

"only to shoot up in huge spurts for the rest of the day."

Jasper Hamill, you can expect an invoice for a new keyboard in 2 - 3 working days.

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