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* Posts by Crisp

2044 posts • joined 16 Jan 2012

Apple seeks patent for mood-sensing technology

Crisp
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I can quite see this happening...

iThing: What's wrong?

User: Well if you don't know then I'm not telling you!

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NASA probe orbiting Moon sights ANOTHER SPACECRAFT

Crisp
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Looks like a weather balloon to me

See title.

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China's Jade Rabbit moon rover might have DIED in the NIGHT after 'abnormality'

Crisp
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Re: Beaver Patrol

Thanks to you Mr Wareham, I've now got Two Beavers are Better Than One in my head.

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Vice squad cuffs vice chairman of Bitcoin Foundation in $1m money-laundering probe

Crisp
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Re: The FBI and NSA hate anything....

My point is that HSBC got away with a paltry fine for their criminal behaviour. I think it's a fair bet that Charlie Shrem wont get such favourable treatment.

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Crisp
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Re: The FBI and NSA hate anything....

And I'm sure that the HSBC have totally stopped laundering money for drug cartels.

What's your point?

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Murdoch's BSkyB stares down Microsoft: Redmond renames SkyDrive to OneDrive

Crisp
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A quick trip to the search engine and....

Turns out that 1D is already a thing.

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Prof Stephen Hawking: 'There are NO black holes' – they're GREY!

Crisp
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Am I the only one that was disappointed that there was no maths?

See Title.

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NASA's Opportunity rover celebrates 10 years on Mars with a FILTHY selfie

Crisp
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It's a well-made American vehicle.

There's a first!

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UK.gov to Google: Kill impostor taxmen ADs hogging top spot in YOUR search results

Crisp
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"We have a strict set of policies which govern what types of ads appear on Google."

Their main policy is "Do we have their money yet?"

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Margaret Hodge, PAC are scaring off new biz: Treasury source

Crisp
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Margaret Hodge says that like it's a bad thing

Do we really want multinational companies taking advantage of our infrastructure without contributing to its upkeep?

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The internet is 'a gift from God' says Pope Francis

Crisp
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It was a gift from Tim Berners Lee

Although, I could see how you could confuse him with a god.

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Handsome young autopilot reports for spaceplane duty

Crisp
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Pint

Today, low earth orbit

Tomorrow, The Moon!

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Candy Crush King went 'too far' when it candy crushed my app – dev

Crisp
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All of those games

Are special cases of a more generalised theory of Connect-4.

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US card scammers pull $2m petrol heist

Crisp
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So these guys are getting done for laundering $2 million...

Yet HSBC launder $881 million and get let off with no criminal charges.

They obviously didn't launder enough!

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Candy Crush dev stuffs EU 'candy' trademark down gob

Crisp
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Re: I can finally release my game Kandy Krush without fear of prosecution!

Unless it got confused with Kandy Magazine's Krush.

Possibly NSFW.

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Crisp
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Like taking candy from a public domain baby.

It's a bit cheeky, copying someone else's game mechanism and then trying to claim it as your own IP!

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Virgin Media's 'little(ish)' book of deals contained BIG FIBS, rules ad watchdog

Crisp
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Virgin Media has been walloped by Britain's advertising watchdog!

Awesome! Finally the ASA has taken a firm hand with blatant lies in advertising!

"Virgin Media was told that the ad must not appear again in its current form."

Oh :( That was a bit of a let down.

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Our robot overlords won't be evil cyborgs: Prepare for whisker-equipped ROBO-KITTIES

Crisp
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Re: Pussy whipped?

You've pawssibly stumbled onto a great application there. Patent it before someone whiskers it away!

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MPAA spots a Google Glass guy in cinema, calls HOMELAND SECURITY

Crisp
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Meanwhile: Real terrorists proceed unmolested.

The american stazi have got an awful lot of free time on their hands if they can waste resources like this.

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Sweet work, fellas: Boffins build high-density battery powered by sugar

Crisp
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Get over here and give me some sugar!

My batteries are running low.

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UK smut filter may have sent game patch to sin-bin

Crisp
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The filter is working exactly as predicted.

Why is anyone surprised? The vast majority of savvy El Reg readers said it would do this, and lo it has come to pass!

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CERN boffins fire ANTI-HYDROGEN BEAM

Crisp
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I for one welcome our new death ray wielding overlords.

See Title.

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Ex-Google, Mozilla bods to outwit EVIL BOTS with 'polymorphic' defence

Crisp
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Re: Write me a thousand lines of bug free code.

That's easy!

10 PRINT "Hello, world!"

20 PRINT "Hello, world!"

....

996 similar lines snipped.

....

9990 PRINT "Hello, world!"

10000 PRINT "Hello, world!"

There you go! Totally bug free!

(It doesn't do anything, but then that wasn't in the requirements)

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Crisp
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It seems like a rather long winded way to say:

Security through Obscurity.

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ESA rejoices as comet-chasing Rosetta probe wakes from 3-year nap

Crisp
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Re: @AC 09:54

Excellent idea! We should be able to upvote/downvote articles.

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Hacker breaks into ThrustVPS, launches phishing attack from firm's own servers

Crisp
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Nice to see ThrustVPS setting a good example.

I'd like to see more companies displaying that kind of honesty.

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Devs write 'film my shag' sex app for Google Glass

Crisp
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You want me to do what?

Ok Glass, look up the wikihow article for that...

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Pregnant? Celebrate your proudest moment ... by 3D-printing a copy of the foetus

Crisp
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Oh that is all kinds of wrong!

Smack bang right in the middle of the uncanny valley.

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Brit boffin tests LETTUCE as wire for future computers

Crisp
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Sorry, computers are all down

We've had a massive outbreak of greenfly.

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THOUSANDS of UK.gov Win XP PCs to face April hacker storm... including boxes at TAXMAN, NHS

Crisp
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Management drag their heels on keeping tools up to date.

And then blame everyone but themselves years later when those tools fail.

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Use strong passwords and install antivirus, mmkay? UK.gov pushes awareness campaign

Crisp
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Re: Grandma come to teach mind, and suck eggs?

And she's all out of eggs.

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Crisp
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Use strong, memorable passwords

As soon as developers start building systems that will accept something like "Correct Horse Battery Staple" as a strong password, I will!

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Remember when SimCity ABSOLUTELY HAD to be online? Not any more – fancy that!

Crisp
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Maxis Lied.

It's ok El Reg. I'll say it if you wont.

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Sniff, sniff, what's that burning smell? Oh, it's Google's patent-filing office working flat out

Crisp
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Sounds like a Patent Denial of Service Attack

With Google flooding the patent office with requests, it should prevent other patent trolls from being able to get a successful request through.

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Twitter: It's JUST LIKE Elder Scrolls (no it's not)

Crisp
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Leisure Suit Larry in the Land of the Lounge Lizards

It's had a reboot and the new version evoked a lot of nostalgia in me when I played it.

It's even got the age verification questions at the start!

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Never mind bungled Universal Credit rollout, Maude wants UK to be 'most digital' gov by 2015

Crisp
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After the General Election

I'm hoping to see record lows of Labour, Liberal and Tory MP's in office.

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Twitter co-founder wraps tentacles around Q&A market, squirts out Jelly

Crisp
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What goes on in the Facebook/Twitter hive mind?

I'm going to guess that a good 60% of it is about the weather at the moment.

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Circuits so flexible they'd wrap around your hair

Crisp
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Re: Harvesting spare static electricity

I'd have thought a better solution would be those power cells that metabolise glucose.

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Virgin Media spanked by ad watchdog over 'in your neighbourhood' fibs

Crisp
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It's not just the lies

It's the constant stream of spam they feed through my letterbox offering me new customer deals.

What's even worse is that I'm already a subscriber!

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NHS carelessly slings out care.data plans to 26.5 million Brits

Crisp
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If they are anything like ATOS

None of the information they hold on me will be relevant or accurate.

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Gorilla Glass fights dirty, dirty germs with antimicrobial coating

Crisp
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If it's my fondleslab...

Then aren't those my germs? Ones that I'm already immune to or part of my normal skin flora and fauna?

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NSA refuses to deny spying on members of Congress

Crisp
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Didn't they do that all the time during the McCarthy era?

Correct me if I'm wrong, but the FBI were watching all sorts of elected officials at the time.

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Scientists discover supervolcano trigger that could herald humanity's doom

Crisp
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Re: Anyone got a map?

I don't think you get the scale of these things. You're probably going to want to build your house on a different planet.

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Kepler data yields Earth-mass 'gas giant'

Crisp
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KOI-314c

Why do I get the feeling that exoplanet hunters will be carping on about this for some time?

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Malware! tainted! ads! infect! thousands! of! Yahoo! users!

Crisp
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Re: The real story here

Money changed hands somewhere. I'm sure that they'll be able to dig out a receipt when the police come along to give them the 6 o'clock knock.

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Crisp
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The real story here

Is that no one has been arrested for this yet.

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Justice Ministry to spaff £70k finding out how prisoners like to use ILLEGAL mobes

Crisp
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It's a frigging prision.

Shouldn't be too difficult to erect some kind of cage around it.

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'BILLION-YEAR DISK' to help FUTURE LIFEFORMS study us

Crisp
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Re: Since when does digital data need a permanent medium in the ranges of millions of years?

Since about a million years from now when the first settlers on 55 Cancri e wake up from their long sleep and need to start building their civilisation with the tools that they bought with them.

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Alicia Keys throws in towel on BlackBerry's creative director job

Crisp
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Alicia Keys as creative director?

I can't imagine anything more demotivating for the poor sods at Blackberry that actually do the work.

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Jokesters develop new cryptocurrency using Kanye West's FACE

Crisp
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Can you buy fish sticks with it?

How many fish sticks will a CoinYe buy you?

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