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* Posts by Crisp

2012 posts • joined 16 Jan 2012

Remember when SimCity ABSOLUTELY HAD to be online? Not any more – fancy that!

Crisp
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Maxis Lied.

It's ok El Reg. I'll say it if you wont.

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Sniff, sniff, what's that burning smell? Oh, it's Google's patent-filing office working flat out

Crisp
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Sounds like a Patent Denial of Service Attack

With Google flooding the patent office with requests, it should prevent other patent trolls from being able to get a successful request through.

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Twitter: It's JUST LIKE Elder Scrolls (no it's not)

Crisp
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Leisure Suit Larry in the Land of the Lounge Lizards

It's had a reboot and the new version evoked a lot of nostalgia in me when I played it.

It's even got the age verification questions at the start!

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Never mind bungled Universal Credit rollout, Maude wants UK to be 'most digital' gov by 2015

Crisp
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After the General Election

I'm hoping to see record lows of Labour, Liberal and Tory MP's in office.

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Twitter co-founder wraps tentacles around Q&A market, squirts out Jelly

Crisp
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What goes on in the Facebook/Twitter hive mind?

I'm going to guess that a good 60% of it is about the weather at the moment.

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Circuits so flexible they'd wrap around your hair

Crisp
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Re: Harvesting spare static electricity

I'd have thought a better solution would be those power cells that metabolise glucose.

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Virgin Media spanked by ad watchdog over 'in your neighbourhood' fibs

Crisp
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It's not just the lies

It's the constant stream of spam they feed through my letterbox offering me new customer deals.

What's even worse is that I'm already a subscriber!

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NHS carelessly slings out care.data plans to 26.5 million Brits

Crisp
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If they are anything like ATOS

None of the information they hold on me will be relevant or accurate.

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Gorilla Glass fights dirty, dirty germs with antimicrobial coating

Crisp
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If it's my fondleslab...

Then aren't those my germs? Ones that I'm already immune to or part of my normal skin flora and fauna?

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NSA refuses to deny spying on members of Congress

Crisp
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Didn't they do that all the time during the McCarthy era?

Correct me if I'm wrong, but the FBI were watching all sorts of elected officials at the time.

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Scientists discover supervolcano trigger that could herald humanity's doom

Crisp
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Re: Anyone got a map?

I don't think you get the scale of these things. You're probably going to want to build your house on a different planet.

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Kepler data yields Earth-mass 'gas giant'

Crisp
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KOI-314c

Why do I get the feeling that exoplanet hunters will be carping on about this for some time?

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Malware! tainted! ads! infect! thousands! of! Yahoo! users!

Crisp
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Re: The real story here

Money changed hands somewhere. I'm sure that they'll be able to dig out a receipt when the police come along to give them the 6 o'clock knock.

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Crisp
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The real story here

Is that no one has been arrested for this yet.

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Justice Ministry to spaff £70k finding out how prisoners like to use ILLEGAL mobes

Crisp
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It's a frigging prision.

Shouldn't be too difficult to erect some kind of cage around it.

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'BILLION-YEAR DISK' to help FUTURE LIFEFORMS study us

Crisp
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Re: Since when does digital data need a permanent medium in the ranges of millions of years?

Since about a million years from now when the first settlers on 55 Cancri e wake up from their long sleep and need to start building their civilisation with the tools that they bought with them.

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Alicia Keys throws in towel on BlackBerry's creative director job

Crisp
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Alicia Keys as creative director?

I can't imagine anything more demotivating for the poor sods at Blackberry that actually do the work.

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Jokesters develop new cryptocurrency using Kanye West's FACE

Crisp
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Can you buy fish sticks with it?

How many fish sticks will a CoinYe buy you?

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Drug dealer demands jail to escape 'unbearable' missus after NYE row

Crisp
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Couldn't he have waited until she went down the shops?

Seems a bit extreme just to get a bit of alone time!

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Alien SUPER-EARTH: If there is LIFE up there, it'll be moaning about the weather

Crisp
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There has got to be a way to get a probe out there (eventually)

I know it would take a while, but I'd love to take a gander at these worlds up close!

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Blame Silicon Valley for the NSA's data slurp... and what to do about it

Crisp
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Lobbying

It's just a fancy word for bribe.

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Suffering SPITZER! Boffins discover Milky Way's MISSING ARMS

Crisp
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How do they know that they're arms and not legs?

See title.

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No anon pr0n for you: BT's network-level 'smut' filters will catch proxy servers too

Crisp
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@Maharg

I pay my Virgin Media bill every month. And in that bill I get the basic TV package bundled in.

Even though I just want internet access.

So I'm paying for it anyway. Even though I don't watch it.

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Crisp
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Re: how to watch the Daily Show int he UK

Bugger. I failed step 1. No TV.

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Go on, buy Bitcoin. But DON'T say we didn't WARN YOU

Crisp
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Too be fair

A lot of those risks are the same with regular currency.

There's nothing that the EBA can do if someone nicks my leather wallet either.

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Is Google prepping an ARMY of WALKING ROBOTS?

Crisp
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Is Google expanding their searches to the real world?

Ok, Glass. Where did I leave my keys?

(Robot scurries off to retrieve them)

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Nominet seeks royal approval for pisspoor .uk domain name push

Crisp
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Reminds me of the whole .co.uk vs .com thing 15 years ago.

People would pay more for the .com name because they saw it as more prestigious.

I actually had a client ask me once which was better... And they refused to believe me when I told them there was functionally no difference.

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Jupiter moon Europa spotted spraying WATER into SPAAACCCEE

Crisp
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We send probes to other bodies all the time.

Why can't we send one to Europa to basically melt its way through the ice, then fire a submarine probe down there?

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Steelie Neelie: EU biz can use YOUR private data WITHOUT PERMISSION

Crisp
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Well what's sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander

Do we have to actually ask businesses for their data or can we just take it?

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Boffins: On my command, unleash REMOTE CONTROL BULL SPERM

Crisp
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"We're going to inject you will bull semen Mr Smith"

Are you absolutely sure you're a doctor?

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Ballmer: 'We made more money than almost anybody on the PLANET'

Crisp
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We made more money than almost anybody on the PLANET

And yet he says that like it's a good thing.

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Cut through the winter chill with these Rupert Murdoch tweeting cards

Crisp
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Re: Don't encourage the old git

Only if he doesn't get the death sentence.

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Hot Stuff! NASA mulls 'urgent' space walk as ISS cooler conks out

Crisp
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Do the pipes go....

'nurieek', 'rotut', 'hernunger'?

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Crisp
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DIY in space

Well who else is going to do it? It's a bit of a long trek to get a repair man in.

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Bloke, 27, cuffed, charged over stolen selfie smut site UGotPosted

Crisp
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Re: If

Why are you blaming the victim AC?

If it was your pictures up there of you in the buff, along with your personal contact information would you still have the same attitude? Do you think that the site owner was right to charge extortionate amounts of money to maybe take them down?

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French gov used fake Google certificate to read its workers' traffic

Crisp
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Human Error

Human error is when you make an accidental mistake.

This wasn't human error, this was deliberate.

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Microsoft: Don't listen to 4chan ... especially the bit about bricking Xbox Ones

Crisp
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But the people on 4chan are always so nice!

They are some of the most kind and honest people I've seen on the internet.

Why The Register of all publications would try and besmirch the good name of this wholesome family friendly site is beyond me.

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MPs: Ancient UK Border Force systems let GANGSTERS into Blighty

Crisp
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Even in the criminal underworld

The rich get all the perks.

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Universal Credit: £40 MILLION and counting's been spaffed up the wall on useless IT gear

Crisp
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"£91m in IT assets will be worthless five years from now"

Code that works is an asset. Code that doesn't work is a liability.

"code worth £91m would only be used until a "digital solution" is implemented."

Ah, no wonder the code doesn't work. It's an analogue code solution!

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Shivering boffins nail Earth's coldest spot

Crisp
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So what you're saying is...

If I'm going to Antarctica, I ought to pack a sweater?

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Malware+pr0n surge follows police op to kill illicit streaming sites

Crisp
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City of London Police

I always thought that it was the job of the police to protect law and order. Not act as the private army of corporations.

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UK.gov declares digital success as PR, food shops redefined as 'tech' businesses

Crisp
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I've redefined dog poop as steak.

But for some reason, it still tastes like shit.

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Romance is dead: Part-time model slings $1.5bn SUEBALL at Match.com

Crisp
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You'd be surprised about what you can learn about a photo with Tineye

It's like the Google of images.

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To fel with you! There's an NSA spook in my World of Warcraft

Crisp
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By Grabthar's hammer!

That's one hell of a headline! :)

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If you want an IT job you'll need more than a degree, say top techies

Crisp
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CWJobs

I put my CV on there and all I got were calls from agencies. Endless calls from people asking me if I wanted a job requiring C# .net skills. (Yeah, but doing what?). Calls from people that couldn't tell the difference between Java and JavaScript.

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PayPal 13 plead guilty to launching DDoS attacks

Crisp
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What is the difference (if any) between the following:

1) Using LOIC during a coordinated attack.

2) Using LOIC by yourself.

3) Leaving a brick on F5.

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Developer unleashes bowel-shaking KILLER APP for Google Glass

Crisp
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Re: Further proof that these things are childish toys.

I for one like playing with childish toys.

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Mexican Cobalt-60 robbers are DEAD MEN, say authorities

Crisp
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Re: This should be the standard punishment...

Arson, Murder and jaywalking...

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One-minute Koch-blocking earns attacker two years, massive fine

Crisp
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Re: Backtraced eh?

He should have used 7 proxies.

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Lightning strikes USB bosses: Next-gen jacks will be REVERSIBLE

Crisp
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Where are the juicy pictures?

If ever an article needed a few visual aids it was this one!

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