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* Posts by Crisp

2060 posts • joined 16 Jan 2012

TEN THINGS Google believes you believe about Glassholes and wishes you didn't

Crisp
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@Da Weezil

I like Google Glass as much as the next bloke. It's a great way of accessing small amounts of data in an unobtrusive manner.

BUT! If Larry Page came into my bathroom and started filming me in the shower and tweeting the video all over facebook, I'd say "OI! PAGE! NO!" Being the CEO of a multi-million dollar company does not give you the right to come into my bathroom and start filming me in the shower!

(apologies to Harry Enfield.)

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EA games web server was hosting PHISHING SITE – securobod

Crisp
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Can't EA get anything right?

I've still not forgiven them for ruining Dungeon Keeper.

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Monkey steals iPod touch, loses interest in minutes

Crisp
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Stormi-Lee Whitford parents were lucky...

That monkey could have racked up 1,000's of dollars worth of purchases on Candy Crush!

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Kent Police fined £100k for leaving interview vids of informants in old cop shop

Crisp
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Trollface

Re: infinite loop of cash

Problem?

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Crisp
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Re: ...preferably out of a canon.

...Into the Sun.

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Google settles copyright suit with Viacom over YouTube vids

Crisp
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What happened to Fair Use?

How else am I supposed to use South Park clips to educate people?

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Eight hour cleansing to get all the 'faggots' and 'bitches' OUT of Github

Crisp
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Re: That's my code knackered then.....

I too was wondering what GitHub's patrons have against tasty pork dishes in gravy.

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O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay! Friday is Pi Day

Crisp
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Pi Day? You mean Half Tau Day surely...

Tau Manifesto

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Who DOESN'T want to play world's tallest game of Tetris – all 437ft of it

Crisp
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Re: Me

Because the sudden appearance of a 437ft CyberDemon is likely to cause mass panic.

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NSA's TURBINE robot can pump 'malware into MILLIONS of PCs'

Crisp
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Re: Babes, Beaches, Beer, and BBQ

Your ideas are intriguing to me and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.

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Indestructible Death Stars blow up planets with glowing KILL RAY

Crisp
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Re: I can't even think of a word to do justice to its size!

Brobdingnagian

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Bletchley Park board member quits amid TNMOC split-off spat

Crisp
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With a name like Dr Black

I'm surprised that she's not retreated to her evil lair inside a hollowed out volcano.

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Vodafone Germany looks to provide end-to-end encryption with SIM signatures

Crisp
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The service will not be offered to individual subscribers

Why? Is my privacy worth less?

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NASA to programmers: Save the Earth and fatten your wallet

Crisp
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If my algorithm finds a solid gold asteroid...

and it gets mined, do I get a share of the profits?

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SACRILEGE! Hitchhiker's Guide game's back ... and it TWEETS at you

Crisp
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Infocom games are cool again? Awesome!

Say what you like about those old games, but they knew how to put together a proper boxed copy back in those days.

It wasn't just a bunch of disks and a manual. You got that and so much more that made the game seem so real that for a few hours you'd really feel like some kind of adventurer (or an intergalactic hitchhiker).

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Projector on a smartphone? There's a chip for that

Crisp
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How do they propose to mount this on the head of a shark?

Yes. I want sharks with frickin phasers!

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Show more CANADIAN-MADE PORN, insists Canadian government

Crisp
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Good for the CRTC!

It's about time they took a stand for Canadian Strange!

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Massive new AIRSHIP to enter commercial service at British dirigible base

Crisp
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Re: How to load an airship with celebrities

That's a reality TV show I'd watch.

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US gov claims it spent TOO MUCH on wiretaps – and blames SPRINT

Crisp
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Re: Sprint have missed a trick here...

That'll teach me to read the frigging article!

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Crisp
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Sprint have missed a trick here...

What Sprint should do is charge the NSA even more for their services, and then pass that money back to consumers in the form of cheap/free calls.

Everybody wins. Sprint make loads of money and get customers. Sprint customers get a subsidised service. The NSA get people to spy on. What's not to like?

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Microsoft to get in XP users' faces with one last warning

Crisp
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Windows XP

Windows XP is one of those items that I categorise with the Model T Ford, rotary dial Bakelite phones, 56K modem handshaking noises, and radios that needed the valves to warm up before you could listen to anything.,

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Anti-snoop Blackphone hits shelves in June: NOW we'll see how much you value privacy

Crisp
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How soon until I can put PGP on my android phone?

Then I can encrypt the bytes out of everything!

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Crack Euro banker team to probe whether virtual currencies should be regulated

Crisp
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If it's anything like the HSBC scandal

All the EBA will do is wring their hands and ask us very nicely not to launder money again.

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Murdoch dumps Microsoft, prepares to Hangout with Google

Crisp
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Rupert Murdoch likes Google now?

That's as good a reason as any to boycott it.

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German freemail firms defend AdBlock-nobbling campaign

Crisp
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Because we all need more of this:

Click here to find out the one secret trick to avoiding ads that big companies don't want you to know about!

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Child sex abuse image peddlers dodge UK smut filters and demand Bitcoin payments

Crisp
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Re: Daily Mail headlines write themselves

Not quite there yet "Bitcoin users are heavily armed East European drug-peddling Muslim pedophiles! using money from Bitcoin to fund terrorism and reduce your house prices by stopping weekly bin collections!!!!!!"

FTFY (again)

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Fanbois sent into FITS of RAGE by fake Steve Jobs statue competition

Crisp
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Were Apple available for comment?

If you can't get an answer from an official Apple spokesperson then you ought to get that mole on the payroll.

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UK spies on MILLIONS of Yahoo! webcams, ogles sex vids - report

Crisp
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Oh so it's ok for GCHQ to spy on peoples webcams...

But when I do it, I have to go on a sex offenders register!

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Mens sana in fibro sano: Virgin Media network-level smut filters are ON

Crisp
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Why am I finding out about this from El Reg and not from Virgin?

If Virgin Media can find the time to put an entire tree's worth of spam through my letterbox every week, then they could have found a way to tell me about this, surely?

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Apple slams shut TEN code execution holes in QuickTime on Windows

Crisp
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Quick...time?

Ah the 1990's! Such a glorious decade!

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Pine trees' scent 'could prevent climate change really being a problem'

Crisp
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Only during the day.

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Woman claims she was assaulted in Google Glass 'HATE CRIME'

Crisp
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Is your problem that she was filming the assault, or is it the device she was using to do it?

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Crisp
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Re: Well would you let some pervert wearing Google Glasses

People drive past my kids school with dashboard cams all the time. What's the problem?

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Steve Jobs statue: Ones and ohs and OH NOES – it's POINTING at us

Crisp
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Finally! Apple shows some innovation!

It's just a shame that "There's not enough statues of Steve Jobs" isn't really a problem that needs a solution.

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Dropbox erects sueball shield with new T&C and privacy legalese

Crisp
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Re: Unfair Contract Terms

It doesn't invalidate the entire contract?

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NHS England tells MPs: 'The state isn't doing dastardly things with GP medical records'

Crisp
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Turns out that the data is going to be handled by ATOS healthcare.

And that's me opting out straight away.

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Microsoft: NSA snooping? Code backdoors? Our hands are clean!

Crisp
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Why is it when I hear a bit of Microsoft Marketing...

I'm immediately inclined to believe the exact opposite.

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The Sun ERUCTATES huge ball of GAS at 4 MILLION MPH

Crisp
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@Wzrd1

Are you saying that the goggles, they do nothing?

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Pony up: Botnet succesfully targets Bitcoin

Crisp
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Re: Dogecoin not on the list?

Wow. Such comment. Much upvote.

Wow.

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LG offers BRAIN-SAVING CANCER-BL... er 'good luck charms'

Crisp
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I've got a rock that keeps away tigers.

I carry it with me everywhere I go in the UK, and I've never seen a tiger.

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Google kills copycat TfL congestion charge payment ads

Crisp
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If those are scam sites...

Shouldn't the UK government prosecute them? Maybe put them in jail for being naughty and taking money under false pretences?

That would send a stronger message than just removing them from Google searches.

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French youth faces court for illegal drone flight

Crisp
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Re: So it's suddeny fun to gratuitously mock someone's sexuality

Go take a Placebo AC.

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Mathematicians spark debate with 13 GB proof for Erdős problem

Crisp
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Imagine a random, infinite sequence of numbers containing nothing but +1s and -1s.

Somewhere within that sequence is a subset of numbers that contains a picture of a cat that wants a cheeseburger.

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IT'S ALIVE! China's Jade Rabbit rover RETURNS from the DEAD

Crisp
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Still Alive

And doing Science!

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Ganymede map helps reveal satellite's secrets

Crisp
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I've always wondered why Ganymede was bigger on the inside than the outside,

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FBI offers $10,000 bounty for arrest of laser-wielding idiots

Crisp
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It's all fun and games until...

Some twat fires up a megawatt CO2 laser.

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Whitehall and Microsoft negotiate NHS Windows XP hacker survival plan

Crisp
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With all the managers at the NHS now

There is really no excuse for them not maintaining their IT systems.

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It's a scientific FACT: Online comment trolls are SADISTS

Crisp
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Re: stuck in my head

ooh eeh ooh ah ah ting tang walla walla bing bang

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Tinfoil hats proven useless by eleven-year mobe radiation study

Crisp
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Tinfoil hats proven useless

But they still block thought probes right?

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Rise of the (tiny) machines: US boffins make nanomotor breakthrough

Crisp
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Re: Nemo motors

We all run in a tiny submarine...

tiny submarine...

tiny submarine...

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