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* Posts by Crisp

2077 posts • joined 16 Jan 2012

Meet the man building an AI that mimics our neocortex – and could kill off neural networks

Crisp
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Re: Advanced AI is being developed to replace YOU who read this comment

Someone's developing an AI that drinks coffee and post comments on El Reg all day instead of writing code?

Who would do something like that?

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Watch your brain LIVE in 3D, then train your mind from inside it

Crisp
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I can use my brain to fly through my brain to see my brain thinking about my brain?

Mind. Blown.

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Dutch doctors replace woman's skull with 3D-printed plastic copy

Crisp
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Terminator

How long until we can print the rest of the human?

It's only a matter of time...

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Hot, young under-25s: Lonely slab strokers who shun TV

Crisp
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Don't have a telly here either.

It's just easier to download shows off the internet and watch them at your convenience. Or indeed, in your convenience.

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Sick of walking into things while gawping at your iPhone? Apple has a patent app. for that

Crisp
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Coat

Or they could just use Google Glass...

Just saying...

...ok ok! I'm going!

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Judge throws out lawsuit lobbed at Facebook for using kids' pics in targeted ads

Crisp
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Minors can give consent now?

District Judge Richard Seeborg might want to rethink that decision!

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Facebook Oculus VR buyout: IT WANTS your EYEBALLS

Crisp
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I was worried that Zuckerberg literally wanted my eyeballs then

I wouldn't put it past him though. I'm going to start checking app permissions a little bit more carefully now.

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Dear Reg: What is a 'Lag' and a 'Jacksey'?

Crisp
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Oh Cecilia!

You're breaking my heart.

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Terminator-maker 'Cyberdyne Inc' lists on Tokyo stock exchange

Crisp
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Re: HAL ... evil AI creation.

I totally agree. HAL wasn't evil, just misguided.

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Candy Crush King sees IPO go sour as stock price heads south

Crisp
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It couldn't have happened to a nicer bunch of theives

It'll do no good for Albert Ransom, but I do take a little bit of delight in seeing someone get their comeuppance.

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As WinXP death looms, Microsoft releases its operating system SOURCE CODE for free

Crisp
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MS DOS Didn't get good until version 3.2

But you still needed a separate boot disk if you wanted to play video games. Unless you were some kind of batch file wizard.

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MPs blast HMRC for using anti-terrorism laws against whistleblower

Crisp
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Terrorism laws being used for something other than combating terrorism?

Margaret Hodge is a little late to the party isn't she? Or is passing bad laws only something she takes an interest in when it directly embarrasses her?

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Move over Microsoft: RealNetworks has a GOOGLE problem

Crisp
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RealPlayer! Wow!

Let me fire up a 56K modem, connect to Compuserve, and download a movie that will crap out at 76%.

That takes me back!

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RISE of the LIVING CHAIR: Boffins recruit E coli to build futuristic materials

Crisp
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So what do I do when my sofa eats my coffee table?

See title.

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Crisp
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Re: Like El Reg readers have never had that experience before.

Sugar Free Gummi Bears

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TV sales PLUMMET. But no one's prepared to say what we all know

Crisp
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Re: "5 blade jobbie."

Try a single blade Bic. I find that the multi-blade razors tend to accumulate hair between the blades, reducing efficiency. Which probably explains why they work better when you rub it backwards down your leg.

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How to Poo on a Date wins odd book title of the year

Crisp
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Coffee/keyboard

We’d have been disappointed to be number two.

Ronald Hall owes me a new keyboard.

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TEN THINGS Google believes you believe about Glassholes and wishes you didn't

Crisp
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@Da Weezil

I like Google Glass as much as the next bloke. It's a great way of accessing small amounts of data in an unobtrusive manner.

BUT! If Larry Page came into my bathroom and started filming me in the shower and tweeting the video all over facebook, I'd say "OI! PAGE! NO!" Being the CEO of a multi-million dollar company does not give you the right to come into my bathroom and start filming me in the shower!

(apologies to Harry Enfield.)

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EA games web server was hosting PHISHING SITE – securobod

Crisp
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Can't EA get anything right?

I've still not forgiven them for ruining Dungeon Keeper.

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Monkey steals iPod touch, loses interest in minutes

Crisp
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Stormi-Lee Whitford parents were lucky...

That monkey could have racked up 1,000's of dollars worth of purchases on Candy Crush!

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Kent Police fined £100k for leaving interview vids of informants in old cop shop

Crisp
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Trollface

Re: infinite loop of cash

Problem?

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Crisp
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Re: ...preferably out of a canon.

...Into the Sun.

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Google settles copyright suit with Viacom over YouTube vids

Crisp
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What happened to Fair Use?

How else am I supposed to use South Park clips to educate people?

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Eight hour cleansing to get all the 'faggots' and 'bitches' OUT of Github

Crisp
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Re: That's my code knackered then.....

I too was wondering what GitHub's patrons have against tasty pork dishes in gravy.

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O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay! Friday is Pi Day

Crisp
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Pi Day? You mean Half Tau Day surely...

Tau Manifesto

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Who DOESN'T want to play world's tallest game of Tetris – all 437ft of it

Crisp
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Re: Me

Because the sudden appearance of a 437ft CyberDemon is likely to cause mass panic.

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NSA's TURBINE robot can pump 'malware into MILLIONS of PCs'

Crisp
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Re: Babes, Beaches, Beer, and BBQ

Your ideas are intriguing to me and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.

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Indestructible Death Stars blow up planets with glowing KILL RAY

Crisp
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Re: I can't even think of a word to do justice to its size!

Brobdingnagian

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Bletchley Park board member quits amid TNMOC split-off spat

Crisp
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With a name like Dr Black

I'm surprised that she's not retreated to her evil lair inside a hollowed out volcano.

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Vodafone Germany looks to provide end-to-end encryption with SIM signatures

Crisp
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The service will not be offered to individual subscribers

Why? Is my privacy worth less?

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NASA to programmers: Save the Earth and fatten your wallet

Crisp
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If my algorithm finds a solid gold asteroid...

and it gets mined, do I get a share of the profits?

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SACRILEGE! Hitchhiker's Guide game's back ... and it TWEETS at you

Crisp
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Infocom games are cool again? Awesome!

Say what you like about those old games, but they knew how to put together a proper boxed copy back in those days.

It wasn't just a bunch of disks and a manual. You got that and so much more that made the game seem so real that for a few hours you'd really feel like some kind of adventurer (or an intergalactic hitchhiker).

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Projector on a smartphone? There's a chip for that

Crisp
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How do they propose to mount this on the head of a shark?

Yes. I want sharks with frickin phasers!

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Show more CANADIAN-MADE PORN, insists Canadian government

Crisp
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Good for the CRTC!

It's about time they took a stand for Canadian Strange!

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Massive new AIRSHIP to enter commercial service at British dirigible base

Crisp
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Re: How to load an airship with celebrities

That's a reality TV show I'd watch.

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US gov claims it spent TOO MUCH on wiretaps – and blames SPRINT

Crisp
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Re: Sprint have missed a trick here...

That'll teach me to read the frigging article!

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Crisp
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Sprint have missed a trick here...

What Sprint should do is charge the NSA even more for their services, and then pass that money back to consumers in the form of cheap/free calls.

Everybody wins. Sprint make loads of money and get customers. Sprint customers get a subsidised service. The NSA get people to spy on. What's not to like?

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Microsoft to get in XP users' faces with one last warning

Crisp
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Windows XP

Windows XP is one of those items that I categorise with the Model T Ford, rotary dial Bakelite phones, 56K modem handshaking noises, and radios that needed the valves to warm up before you could listen to anything.,

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Anti-snoop Blackphone hits shelves in June: NOW we'll see how much you value privacy

Crisp
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How soon until I can put PGP on my android phone?

Then I can encrypt the bytes out of everything!

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Crack Euro banker team to probe whether virtual currencies should be regulated

Crisp
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If it's anything like the HSBC scandal

All the EBA will do is wring their hands and ask us very nicely not to launder money again.

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Murdoch dumps Microsoft, prepares to Hangout with Google

Crisp
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Rupert Murdoch likes Google now?

That's as good a reason as any to boycott it.

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German freemail firms defend AdBlock-nobbling campaign

Crisp
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Because we all need more of this:

Click here to find out the one secret trick to avoiding ads that big companies don't want you to know about!

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Child sex abuse image peddlers dodge UK smut filters and demand Bitcoin payments

Crisp
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Re: Daily Mail headlines write themselves

Not quite there yet "Bitcoin users are heavily armed East European drug-peddling Muslim pedophiles! using money from Bitcoin to fund terrorism and reduce your house prices by stopping weekly bin collections!!!!!!"

FTFY (again)

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Fanbois sent into FITS of RAGE by fake Steve Jobs statue competition

Crisp
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Were Apple available for comment?

If you can't get an answer from an official Apple spokesperson then you ought to get that mole on the payroll.

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UK spies on MILLIONS of Yahoo! webcams, ogles sex vids - report

Crisp
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Oh so it's ok for GCHQ to spy on peoples webcams...

But when I do it, I have to go on a sex offenders register!

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Mens sana in fibro sano: Virgin Media network-level smut filters are ON

Crisp
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Why am I finding out about this from El Reg and not from Virgin?

If Virgin Media can find the time to put an entire tree's worth of spam through my letterbox every week, then they could have found a way to tell me about this, surely?

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Apple slams shut TEN code execution holes in QuickTime on Windows

Crisp
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Quick...time?

Ah the 1990's! Such a glorious decade!

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Pine trees' scent 'could prevent climate change really being a problem'

Crisp
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Only during the day.

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Woman claims she was assaulted in Google Glass 'HATE CRIME'

Crisp
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Is your problem that she was filming the assault, or is it the device she was using to do it?

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Steve Jobs statue: Ones and ohs and OH NOES – it's POINTING at us

Crisp
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Finally! Apple shows some innovation!

It's just a shame that "There's not enough statues of Steve Jobs" isn't really a problem that needs a solution.

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