* Posts by Crisp

2852 publicly visible posts • joined 16 Jan 2012

Apple 'offered Samsung $30-per-mobe' patent licence truce

Crisp
Coffee/keyboard

Re: Delenda est Pupillam

me debes novum keyboard

El Reg probes pregnant Playmobil lass

Crisp

That's not a rash!

That's a healthy pregnant glow!

Google may face grilling by MPs over 'immoral' tax avoidance

Crisp
FAIL

The top-end UK corporation tax rate is 24 per cent

And maybe if Her Majesty's Revenue & Customs would enforce it, the rest of us plebs wouldn't have to endure such high taxes.

Blinkbox to sell Game of Thrones series 2 by stream

Crisp

Re: Far too expensive

Only if you've got a working internet connection.

Crisp
Megaphone

Looks like HBO didn't learn their lesson from Season One

I have money HBO! And this is a product I want!

No I don't want to stream it! I want to watch Blackwater Bay going up in a burst of High Definition green fire again and again and again!

New Intel Ultrabooks to spray HOT JUICE into mobes

Crisp

How efficient is the wireless charging system?

If it only takes an hour to charge my phone off a 5v 1a USB cable, how long would it take wirelessly?

Curiosity's new OS upgrade ready to go live

Crisp
Coat

Re: Clearly Fake

I know!

If it was really a photo from Mars, wouldn't it have Martians in it?

Don't get sued or cuffed on Twitter: Read these top 10 pitfalls

Crisp
Coat

This post complies with all ten rules.

And as a result is very very boring.

SHOCK: Poll shows Americans think TSA is highly effective

Crisp
Big Brother

Those that choose to give up a little liberty for the illusion of security

Deserve to have their junk felt.

Blizzard pwned: Gamers' email, encrypted passwords slurped

Crisp

Given the amount of money that Blizzard make off their players

They had better do a damn site more than just say "Sorry.".

Foldable NFC keyboard could tempt Android users

Crisp
Go

Battery that apparently cannot be removed or charged

Challenge Accepted!

Devon NHS trust left data of 1,373 staff online for MONTHS

Crisp
Unhappy

Re: Wait

But I don't want a sponge bath from a stoner :(

Facebook touts gambling to 'responsible' Brits

Crisp
Coat

Here Facebook. Take my money, I don't want it. It's yours.

It seems we are unfamiliar with sarcasm.

I shall close my wallet at this point.

Bill Gates, Harry Evans and the smearing of a computer legend

Crisp

Re: I am thoroughly confused by it all

I don't see anything wrong with looking at someone elses software and thinking "I can do a better job than that." and then going off and writing a similar piece of software.

If you're not copying the source code, it's not plagiarism. It's simply building a better mousetrap. For example, Dyson built a better vacuum cleaner, even though the concept of a vacuum cleaner had been around for a while.

WD's 2TB Green giant can't jam hardness into standard slot

Crisp
Coat

Re: Won't fit a laptop ?

You can make it fit with a few taps from a #5 adjustment hammer.

Wikipedia collapses threatening the very fabric of civilisation

Crisp
Boffin

Wikipedia

It's no substitute for actually knowing stuff.

HSBC brands EVERY Apple iPhone 'an insecure PC'

Crisp
Coat

Re: Is this the same Rapport...

The Rapport software checks that you are using the real HSBC website and not a fake.

But what checks that you're using the real Rapport software and not a fake?

They obviously haven't thought this through!

Climate change behind extreme weather, says NASA

Crisp

El Niño

Are they sure it's not El Niño?

Boffins: We are VAPORISING the Earth... for science

Crisp
Pint

My favourite way to destroy the planet

[url=http://www.purdue.edu/impactearth]Impact Earth[/url]

Success! Curiosity Mars lander arrives precisely on schedule

Crisp
Go

Red Rover, Red Rover

Will this rover be able to dust off and repair the other two rovers?

Microsoft tightens grip on OEM Windows 8 licensing

Crisp
Pirate

Re: Is it worth the effort to hack?

Everything is worth the effort to hack!

Even if it's just to see if it can be done.

UK judges quietly declare text chat can be obscene

Crisp

This isn't just about pedos

That ruling could easily cover any fantasies you might harbour about punching your boss in the face.

Crisp
Flame

Depraving, corrupting, or obscene

Yeah, That pretty much describes texting the missus.

Apple plans extended iPad display through 'Smart Covers'

Crisp
FAIL

That's a Nintendo DS!

That other picture looks like an Asus Transformer.

Anonymous hunts down Voldemort for hacking hungry kids' charity

Crisp
Trollface

Yeah, you don't mess with kids, or cats.

Anonymous seem to really hate that.

How one bad algorithm cost traders $440m

Crisp

How the hell did this "feature" escape testing?

I cannot believe that no one thought to run a simulation or a set of unit tests before unleashing this beast on an unsuspecting market.

Oi, missile boffins! Stop ogling web filth at work - Pentagon

Crisp
Paris Hilton

"Those caught misusing the network will face disciplinary action"

Unless they're caught on a BDSM site.

British Gas parent to grab £500m North Sea gas tax break

Crisp
WTF?

These companies make ship loads of money

Why the hell to they need a tax break?

Anonymous declares war after French firm trademarks its logo

Crisp
Trollface

This is the cancer that is killing /b/

Fucking samefags posting unoriginal content.

LOHAN breathes fire in REHAB

Crisp

It's great to see this project taking shape

I believe that we can have a Playmonaught on the moon by the end of the decade!

ROBOTS battle bunker-buster bank blast blaggers

Crisp

Terror Explosions!

Everything is more newsworthy if you put terror in front of it!

Qubits turn into time travellers

Crisp
Go

Senior Management

If they can get a quantum computer to work with this theory, then I'll finally have a way to provide senior management with those reports that they only just realised that they needed yesterday!

Boy cuffed after Twitter troll's drown threat to Olympic diver Tom Daley

Crisp

Rather than a lengthy court case, jury trial and involving all those lawyers

Tom Daley should be allowed one free opportunity to punch the kid once in the jaw.

It's what would have happened if the kid had the courage in the first place to say it to Toms face.

Ever considered putting a rocket up someone's backside?

Crisp

Alcohol was a possible factor

No fucking shit!

Ubisoft assassinates Uplay flaw, denies DRM rootkit

Crisp

To paraphrase the article

Don't buy Ubisoft software. Their games will bugger up your machine, and in the event that they don't, you'll be lucky if the games don't implode and stop working anyway.

US flags from the 1970s SEEN ON MOON

Crisp

Re: Why are all the pictures of the Big Foot fuzzy?

Because Big Foot is fuzzy.

Chinese student's smut obsession lands 2,000 in JAIL

Crisp

Re: legality.

"and then finding it is the reason for his slipping grades"

Correlation =/= causation

or something like that.

Sellers flogging vid games to underage kids face jail, unlimited fine

Crisp

Re: No it wont...

The only way to tackle this is to change parents perceptions of what they are buying their kids.

You wouldn't buy your 13 year old son a porn movie would you? Likewise you shouldn't buy your 13 year old son an adult video game where he can steal cars and beat up hookers.

It's common sense really.

Siri sued again as Taiwan uni cries foul over patents

Crisp

Re: Anyone ever think

I don't think you'd ever catch a lawyer acting so dishonestly.

@UnSteveDorkland Twitter satirist faces 4 charges in US court

Crisp
Go

If you're going on a job, remember to pack the right tools

Tor

Disposable email address

Gloves

Crowbar

Etc

Skype denies system upgrade enables in-call spying

Crisp

Re: Just think

Link?

Crisp
Pint

Any communication over an open connection has the potential to be eavesdropped on.

And this goes for Skype, MSN, IRC, Trillian, Habo Hotel, speaking on the phone on a crowded train, conversations at bus stops and many many more.

Bonus points if you can figure out how to have an encrypted conversation at the bus stop.

Boffins puzzled over impossibly fast ice avalanches on Saturn's moon

Crisp

Re: odd out there

Have you tried holding a handful of antihydrogen?

Gamma rays and exotic particles everywhere. It's a total mess.

Crisp
Boffin

I thought that the ice melting under skates/skis theory had been investigated and rejected.

http://physics.stackexchange.com/questions/1720/ice-skating-how-does-it-really-work

Job ad seeks 'mediocre' developers

Crisp
Pint

Mediocre Programmers

If producing robust quality code on time that fits the requirements and passes testing makes me a mediocre programmer. Then I'm proud to be mediocre.

Hidden Grand Canyon-sized ICE-HOLE hastens Antarctic melt

Crisp

Re: Wrong end, guys

That has got to be a parody or something!

Twitter airport bomb joke conviction binned in common-sense WIN

Crisp
Go

We can be sarcastic on the internet again!

Woohoo!

Daily Mail group boss spoof tweeter fights to protect anonymity

Crisp

This is obviously a spoof or parody

I thought that spoof and parody was protected speech.

Skydiving daredevil Baumgartner leaps from 96,000ft

Crisp
Coat

LOHAN

Can't you just send this guy up with LOHAN and a box of matches?