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* Posts by Crisp

1969 posts • joined 16 Jan 2012

French youth faces court for illegal drone flight

Crisp
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Re: So it's suddeny fun to gratuitously mock someone's sexuality

Go take a Placebo AC.

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Mathematicians spark debate with 13 GB proof for Erdős problem

Crisp
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Imagine a random, infinite sequence of numbers containing nothing but +1s and -1s.

Somewhere within that sequence is a subset of numbers that contains a picture of a cat that wants a cheeseburger.

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IT'S ALIVE! China's Jade Rabbit rover RETURNS from the DEAD

Crisp
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Still Alive

And doing Science!

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Ganymede map helps reveal satellite's secrets

Crisp
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I've always wondered why Ganymede was bigger on the inside than the outside,

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FBI offers $10,000 bounty for arrest of laser-wielding idiots

Crisp
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It's all fun and games until...

Some twat fires up a megawatt CO2 laser.

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Whitehall and Microsoft negotiate NHS Windows XP hacker survival plan

Crisp
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With all the managers at the NHS now

There is really no excuse for them not maintaining their IT systems.

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It's a scientific FACT: Online comment trolls are SADISTS

Crisp
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Re: stuck in my head

ooh eeh ooh ah ah ting tang walla walla bing bang

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Tinfoil hats proven useless by eleven-year mobe radiation study

Crisp
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Tinfoil hats proven useless

But they still block thought probes right?

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Rise of the (tiny) machines: US boffins make nanomotor breakthrough

Crisp
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Re: Nemo motors

We all run in a tiny submarine...

tiny submarine...

tiny submarine...

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Crisp
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"...internal mechanical responses that no one has seen before..."

Translation: We thumped it to see what happened.

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'No, I CAN'T write code myself,' admits woman in charge of teaching our kids to code

Crisp
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When I said that I wanted to see more women in IT...

A clueless idiot like Lottie Dexter was not what I had in mind.

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Friends don't do tech support for friends running Windows XP

Crisp
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Re: There's Microsoft with their American centric view again.

Yeah, virtually every single bit has been replaced with the exception of the little screws that hold the hard drives in place and the motherboard mounting screws.

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Crisp
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There's Microsoft with their American centric view again.

We don't buy it and bin it over this side of the pond. We take it apart, fix it, and then duct tape it back together. I've had the same computer for the last 20 years and it's working absolutely fine.

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UK claims 'significant lead' in drones after Taranis test flight

Crisp
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Why are they still piloting these things with meat brains?

Stick an autopilot and an aimbot in there and there you have it. Totally autonomous killing machines.

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Jean Michel Jarre: Je voudrais un MUSIC TAX sur VOTRE MOBE

Crisp
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There already is a tax on radio and TV. In the UK at least anyway.

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Crisp
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YouTube should do more?

Doesn't YouTube already compensate the artists that publish their art there?

If not, then what are all those adverts for?

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Virgin Media's flaky broadband network turns Bolton off

Crisp
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You told me it was Ipswitch!

...It was a pun.

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First man/machine nerve grafts restore amputee's sense of touch

Crisp
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Coffee/keyboard

Lucky Dane gets to feel balls again

If I were Iain Thomson, I'd start buying keyboards wholesale...

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Mars Orbiter spots FRESH IMPACT CRATER

Crisp
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So El Reg...

Is this site going to be investigated by Curiosity? How far away is this crater from our little atomic powered friend?

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The revival of survival – the gaming genre that refuses to die

Crisp
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Early Access

Otherwise known as: Buy our half finished game for full price now!

Don't Starve implemented this well, with frequent updates and a game that looks sort of finished now.

Kerbal Space Program.... I'm still waiting on biomes past Minimus, not to mention kerbalnaut training, and for them to finish off career mode.

I don't think I'll let myself get burned like that again.

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Google bit barge ordered to set sail for safe waters

Crisp
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“an interactive space where people can learn about new technology”

Like the Matrix?

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Microsoft claims victory over second-hand software broker

Crisp
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Second-hand software buyers

"Second-hand software buyers are rarely in a position to tell whether or not the transaction is legitimate"

Surely that's the fault of microsoft, not the second hand software buyer?

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Boffins say D-Wave machine could be a classic*

Crisp
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Nobody knows where this quantum computer is

But we do know exactly how fast it is going.

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Unmanned, autonomous ROBOT TRUCK CONVOY 'drives though town'

Crisp
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Brobdingnagian

It's the opposite of lilliputian.

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Apple seeks patent for mood-sensing technology

Crisp
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I can quite see this happening...

iThing: What's wrong?

User: Well if you don't know then I'm not telling you!

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NASA probe orbiting Moon sights ANOTHER SPACECRAFT

Crisp
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Looks like a weather balloon to me

See title.

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China's Jade Rabbit moon rover might have DIED in the NIGHT after 'abnormality'

Crisp
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Re: Beaver Patrol

Thanks to you Mr Wareham, I've now got Two Beavers are Better Than One in my head.

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Vice squad cuffs vice chairman of Bitcoin Foundation in $1m money-laundering probe

Crisp
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Re: The FBI and NSA hate anything....

My point is that HSBC got away with a paltry fine for their criminal behaviour. I think it's a fair bet that Charlie Shrem wont get such favourable treatment.

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Crisp
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Re: The FBI and NSA hate anything....

And I'm sure that the HSBC have totally stopped laundering money for drug cartels.

What's your point?

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Murdoch's BSkyB stares down Microsoft: Redmond renames SkyDrive to OneDrive

Crisp
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A quick trip to the search engine and....

Turns out that 1D is already a thing.

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Prof Stephen Hawking: 'There are NO black holes' – they're GREY!

Crisp
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Am I the only one that was disappointed that there was no maths?

See Title.

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NASA's Opportunity rover celebrates 10 years on Mars with a FILTHY selfie

Crisp
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It's a well-made American vehicle.

There's a first!

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UK.gov to Google: Kill impostor taxmen ADs hogging top spot in YOUR search results

Crisp
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"We have a strict set of policies which govern what types of ads appear on Google."

Their main policy is "Do we have their money yet?"

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Margaret Hodge, PAC are scaring off new biz: Treasury source

Crisp
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Margaret Hodge says that like it's a bad thing

Do we really want multinational companies taking advantage of our infrastructure without contributing to its upkeep?

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The internet is 'a gift from God' says Pope Francis

Crisp
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It was a gift from Tim Berners Lee

Although, I could see how you could confuse him with a god.

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Handsome young autopilot reports for spaceplane duty

Crisp
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Pint

Today, low earth orbit

Tomorrow, The Moon!

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Candy Crush King went 'too far' when it candy crushed my app – dev

Crisp
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All of those games

Are special cases of a more generalised theory of Connect-4.

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US card scammers pull $2m petrol heist

Crisp
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So these guys are getting done for laundering $2 million...

Yet HSBC launder $881 million and get let off with no criminal charges.

They obviously didn't launder enough!

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Candy Crush dev stuffs EU 'candy' trademark down gob

Crisp
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Re: I can finally release my game Kandy Krush without fear of prosecution!

Unless it got confused with Kandy Magazine's Krush.

Possibly NSFW.

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Crisp
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Like taking candy from a public domain baby.

It's a bit cheeky, copying someone else's game mechanism and then trying to claim it as your own IP!

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Virgin Media's 'little(ish)' book of deals contained BIG FIBS, rules ad watchdog

Crisp
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Virgin Media has been walloped by Britain's advertising watchdog!

Awesome! Finally the ASA has taken a firm hand with blatant lies in advertising!

"Virgin Media was told that the ad must not appear again in its current form."

Oh :( That was a bit of a let down.

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Our robot overlords won't be evil cyborgs: Prepare for whisker-equipped ROBO-KITTIES

Crisp
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Re: Pussy whipped?

You've pawssibly stumbled onto a great application there. Patent it before someone whiskers it away!

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MPAA spots a Google Glass guy in cinema, calls HOMELAND SECURITY

Crisp
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Meanwhile: Real terrorists proceed unmolested.

The american stazi have got an awful lot of free time on their hands if they can waste resources like this.

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Sweet work, fellas: Boffins build high-density battery powered by sugar

Crisp
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Get over here and give me some sugar!

My batteries are running low.

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UK smut filter may have sent game patch to sin-bin

Crisp
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The filter is working exactly as predicted.

Why is anyone surprised? The vast majority of savvy El Reg readers said it would do this, and lo it has come to pass!

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CERN boffins fire ANTI-HYDROGEN BEAM

Crisp
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I for one welcome our new death ray wielding overlords.

See Title.

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Ex-Google, Mozilla bods to outwit EVIL BOTS with 'polymorphic' defence

Crisp
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Re: Write me a thousand lines of bug free code.

That's easy!

10 PRINT "Hello, world!"

20 PRINT "Hello, world!"

....

996 similar lines snipped.

....

9990 PRINT "Hello, world!"

10000 PRINT "Hello, world!"

There you go! Totally bug free!

(It doesn't do anything, but then that wasn't in the requirements)

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ESA rejoices as comet-chasing Rosetta probe wakes from 3-year nap

Crisp
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Re: @AC 09:54

Excellent idea! We should be able to upvote/downvote articles.

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Hacker breaks into ThrustVPS, launches phishing attack from firm's own servers

Crisp
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Nice to see ThrustVPS setting a good example.

I'd like to see more companies displaying that kind of honesty.

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